Better Off Dead
by seaoftrees
Summary: He was positive the world was threatening to collapse in on itself. It wasn't going to be awe inspiring or particularly interesting: the universe was just going to call it a day, flip the light switch, and crawl beneath the covers. And it all began the day Allen Walker thought he saw a ghost. (Allen/Kanda, AU, explicit content).
1. Look Both Ways Before Crossing a Street

The building shot up into the gloomy morning sky, his back arching in an attempt to see the peak. His eyes followed the cracked framework until he was cross-eyed, gaze lost in the thickets of weeds and ivy. It wasn't as grand as he would've expected; the place looked run down, with shingles missing and a lawn in desperate need of a manicure.

The uncomfortable blanket of morning fog made his hands and feet feel unnaturally damp, but then again, he had a habit of sweating when he was nervous. A graveyard nearby, decorated with worn headstones, poked out of the mist in dull shades of grey. This was definitely no place for a school.

"Wait a second." He fumbled through his bag for a stray scrap of paper, crudely drawn in a late rush, and smoothed it on his knee.

Even though he convinced himself wouldn't need it, the map he brought along was the only help he was going to find in this poorly marked and sketchy piece of town.

Allen brought his map closer to his face and realized that he'd gone the opposite direction of the school. This actually _was_ a random graveyard, although not marked with a smiley face or star. He drew an angry "X" on the new landmark and put the paper away.

Laughter fluttered in his ears, soft and easy going. Beyond the gates of the cemetery, there was a group of older girls giggling and strolling down the sidewalk, but what grabbed his attention was their uniforms. Looking down at his own proper outfit, he confirmed their clothes matched. He was sure the dorms were a lot closer to the school, although he didn't visit them when a disinterested teacher showed him around the school.

_Living on campus would make my life a lot easier,_ he thought. _But paying for a dorm room would be more than Cross's debts. Maybe._

Just as he got up the nerve to call out to them and ask for directions, one of the girls tripped and fell, her shoe flying off into the street. All the other girl's jovial tones suddenly shifted serious, full of hurt and concern. And then they were laughing once again, trying to cheer up the poor girl who twisted her ankle. He stared blankly at their quick shift of emotions and wondered if he could interrupt to ask.

He slowly exited the church grounds, making sure to silently shut it behind him. When it settled back in place, the rust seemed to mold back in place and entomb the silence once again. He gave one last look at the foreboding church, and then looked back at the group of girls who were now staring at him in a tight pack of huddled whispers.

"Hey, you!" He looked to his left and right, but there was no one else around.

"Yes, you, with the white hair! Why are you wearing that uniform? 'Cause I've definitely never seen you around or school before. And what are you doing spending your morning in a cemetery?"

"What's up with his face?"

Another girl chimed in, "Super creepy."

At a loss for words, he just stared blankly while pointing at himself. They nodded in response to his hand gesture and glared.

While they conspired about his 'tattoo' and hypothesized about his hair dye, he watched the same girl who'd fallen hop into the street after her shoe. It seemed as if everyone failed to notice her one-footed struggles toward the middle of the road. She tripped again and gave out a defeated cry when she face-planted into the pavement. For some strange reason a cold chill went through him; everything started moving a little slower, his head started pounding.

"Hey, maybe you shouldn't sit out in the street," He yelled.

"Don't worry about me!" She flashed a smile and returned her focus to fit the shoe back on.

And then she noticed the headlights piercing through the morning twilight.

There was a loud scream and the screeching of tires, followed by a chain of gasps from the group of girls watching nearby. The large truck didn't even bother stopping, and let out a puff of black smoke as it sped off down the road. As the roar of the engine died down and the dust settled, Allen picked himself off the ground, and held out a hand toward the girl collapsed on the pavement.

"Are you," he was out of breath from sprinting after her and leaned on his knees for support, "okay?"

She pulled herself up to a sitting position, coughing on the dust and smell of burnt rubber. Allen wasn't exactly graceful with his rescue; it was more of a tackle than anything else. The girl's face was painted pale, with ponytails that were once intact now rendered a mismatched, tangled mess. Her eyes began to water as she realized what happened.

"Ah, no, I didn't mean to make you cry!" Allen yelped and pulled his hand away in shock. _  
><em>

A gust of wind almost spun him in circles as the group of girls rushed past him and swept up the poor girl. After fawning over her and helping her up, they all looked back over at Allen with strange expressions.

There was a long silence until finally the blue-haired girl spoke up and shakily said, "Thank you."

The other girls gave him a long look before smiling and apologizing. "What's your name? That was pretty brave, you know."

After the rush of questions, he finally answered, "Oh, it's Allen."_ I just didn't want to watch someone get flattened by a 18-wheeler, to be honest._

The girl with the sprained ankle held out her hand and smiled through her tears.

"I'm Lenalee."

* * *

><p>First period was a daze; when the girls dragged him along through the streets and into the school building, they told their sob story to the irritated teacher. He begrudgingly pardoned them for being late, and they all scuffled to their seats in relief. Apparently he hadn't missed much, anyway, because the students had advisory for the first hour.<p>

His head was spinning from all the noise and people, and this was already more interaction than he'd had in the past couple of months. The longer the class dragged on, the more he desperately wanted to leave._  
><em>

There was a sudden nudge at his shoulder, and he turned around to see a red-headed boy grinning at him. He wore a unique headband, presumably used to tame back his disheveled hair, and his uniform was slightly unbuttoned and wrinkled, but there was still an endearing look about him.

He gave Allen an award-winning smile and then introduced himself. "I'm Lavi. And you're Allen, of course. Probably sick of introducing yourself by now, huh?"

Without waiting for a response from Allen, he gave a glance at all the girls stealing looks at Allen and then asked, "Did you really almost get hit by a car this morning? I heard Lenalee almost was hurt, too."

Allen waved his hands out in protest and replied, "I was just in the wrong place at the right time, really! Besides, I think they're just happy Lenalee is okay."

"Jumping in front of a giant semi is being in the right place at the right time? No, that takes a special form of crazy. The same sort of crazy person who'd 'tat up their face like that. Not like I'm one to judge about eyes," he said with a laugh.

"It's not a tattoo, it's a scar." Lavi gave him a strange look at the subtle change in Allen's tone, and it almost looked as if there was curiosity brewing beneath the green surface of his eye. Allen immediately retreated on his edge of annoyance and smiled warmly again.

"Touchy subject? In any case, you need someone to show you around, right? I'd be happy to show you the ropes."_  
><em>

He started pointing at people and giving them nicknames, and Allen just smiled politely at the crass ones he had for some of the girls. He was particularly ruthless toward guys._  
><em>

"The empty desk in front of you is Lenalee's, but I guess you already know her." Lavi continued talking about her crazy older brother, and Allen tried his best to stay interested, but couldn't find it in him to care._  
><em>

His eyes traced the cheesy, motivational posters and messy wooden desks, following the legs down to a hardwood floor. It was cluttered but with a sense of organized chaos, the teacher's desk being the prime example. He smiled._ This is what a school is like, isn't it?_

Something caught his eye behind the door. He jumped back in his seat and held in a cry of surprise when he saw the warped figure through the glass pane. It was a distorted, charred and twisted face, surrounded by a deep purple aura, crying out in pain. Lavi's face provided no confirmation of the sight, in fact, he looking back at him with a puzzled gaze.

"What's up buddy?"

The figure disappeared just as quickly as it'd appeared. He did a double-take between Lavi and the door before realizing that whatever he'd seen was definitely gone.

"Nothing," he said slowly while eyeing the door. Lavi followed his gaze until his confusion turned into amusement.

He smirked and said, "Oh, yeah, Yuu's scowl is enough to spook anyone."

"_Yuu_?"

"The Japanese kid, with the ten feet of hair. Don't let him hear you calling him Yuu, by the way. He goes by Kanda," he said and then called out to the student.

Allen realized the boy was technically in the direction Allen was looking, and Lavi was right; he almost had the same unnerving aura as the ghostly figure had. Kanda barely glanced in his direction before rolling his eyes and averting his glare back at the board, arms folded and slumped back in his seat. Even though he feigned a nonchalant attitude, Allen could tell he was stiff and formal; maybe it was the way his faced pinched together to form such an angry complexion.

"Kanda doesn't play well with others," Lavi whispered over to Allen.

"Shut up, idiot, before I make you," Kanda growled as he swiveled back to face them.

Lavi laughed nervously before he said, "Oh, Yuu, didn't see you there! This is Allen."

"I don't see anyone," Kanda said while narrowing his eyes directly at Allen. Rather perplexed at Kanda's reaction, Allen looked over at Lavi for help, who was just as clueless as he was._  
><em>

"Oh, you're talking about that bean sprout next to you. Maybe if he wasn't so scrawny I would've noticed him sooner, or maybe I just wasn't squinting hard enough."

"Probably took me longer to figure out if you were a boy or a girl," Allen grumbled back.

_"What was that?"_

"Oh, please, don't act like I'm the first person to say that."

The bell rang over Kanda's obscenities.

"Heh, see you later, right Allen? Find me and Lenalee at lunch!" Lavi said nervously before darting off.

Kanda almost looked as if he was about to spit on Allen before turning on his heel and stalking out of the class.

* * *

><p>It was finally time for lunch, and he was definitely ready for a break from teachers and students alike. His appearance was a heated debate between every single person he passed by, usually followed by jaw drops and averted eyes alike. He'd even been hit in the head with a paper airplane, which, when unfolded, was the registration form for the school's Atheist Club.<em> No thanks.<em>

The mirror assured him it would be fine, maybe a strange reaction from a stray passer, but nothing big. Maybe seeing it every morning downplayed his opinion on the severity of the scar. But weren't face tattoo's in style?

"Hey, Allen, over here!" Lavi was flagging him down to come sit by him and Lenalee near the far wall of the cafeteria.

"Me and Lenalee saved you a seat," he said brightly when Allen sat down.

"Oh, Lenalee! Are you okay?" Allen asked rather concerned, noticing the pair of crutches propped beside the table.

"Hmmm? Oh, yes, I'm actually doing well. The crutches will only be around for a handful of days, and in two weeks I'll be as good as new! I don't even need them, but my brother insisted," she soured at the memory and added, "I don't even think the nurse said it was sprained."

"If only that car would've flattened you, bean sprout," Kanda mumbled while picking at his food with chopsticks. Allen suddenly realized that Kanda was sulking at the end of the table, looking angry as ever while he ate.

If there was one thing Allen knew, it was not to let someone have the better of you on the first day. If this idiot got the idea of Allen being a pushover ingraned in his skull, it would never end. "I wouldn't have even bothered saving you if you were in the middle of the road."

"I wouldn't have been in the road in the first place, idiot!" Kanda gripped a chopstick between two of his fingers and readied to hurl it like a dart.

"Stop it, you two!" Lenalee yelled and grabbed both of their wrists.

"He's literally trying to piss me off. Just look at that stupid," he stopped and set the chopsticks down, "that stupid everything."

"Nice one," Allen replied. "That really stung."

"Listen here, freak, I'm going to kick your skinny-"

"Sheesh, Kanda, what's your problem? How can you hold a grudge against a guy you've just met?" Lavi whined.

Kanda and Lavi started bickering and even Lenalee joined in too, trying to pull them apart before Kanda poked out Lavi's eyes with chopsticks. Allen wondered why they let him have those things in the first place.

He looked down at his food and sighed, a miserable exhale that let him know something was definitely wrong. His stomach was doing cartwheels and trying to process anything was going to lead to a dismount right on the table. It was freezing, too, although a minute ago he'd been burning up in the middle of a lecture.

Behind Lenalee, he squinted at the windows on the far end of the room and saw the horror he'd seen earlier: the same face, pressed up against the glass. Except this time, it was a more defined figure - an emaciated, decaying little girl, enveloped by waves of both transparent and opaque rifts of indigo and purple. Flames maybe; he couldn't think of a time where fire looked so cold. The more he looked at her torn up dress and ripped skin, the way tears and silent cries rolled off her face, the more he felt himself go weak at the knees.

"Earth to Allen, over. Houston, it looks like we have a problem - Allen's completely lost it and looks like he's going to pass out. Over." Lavi made the radio "_tch" _noises after every time he said "over" until Lenalee hit him with a lunch tray so he'd stop.

"What?" Allen asked weakly when he tore his eyes from the window.

He inspected Lenalee and Lavi, smiling and laughing through mouthfuls of food; they definitely didn't notice. Kanda was still scowling at his now empty plate, and threw a glare over at Allen when he noticed him staring.

"Are there any ghosts at this school?" Allen asked when he looked back over to the empty window.

"Where'd that come from? Did 'ya see something?" Lavi said excitedly with a hint of sarcasm.

Allen shook his head as a negative, and then excused his hallucinations on a lack of sleep.

"Well, if you did see something, it could be the maintenance worker who died last week. Worst of all, he was on the job! A good guy, if you ask me, it's a shame he-" He stopped and looked at the floor in reverence.

"Everyone loved him," she said somberly.

Lavi changed his approach and added, "He had a heart attack after hours, when no one was around to help. No one really knows how it happened."

Allen could tell Kanda was intrigued, even though he wouldn't dare look in this direction.

"Why don't we all go investigate the basement?" Allen suggested. It was a far-fetched idea, but maybe if he chased down this lead, he could figure out what his hallucinations were all about. It's not like seeing strange things was a new occupation for him, but he'd never had a tangible lead on anything before.

He could hear his dream being shattered by Kanda's foul words almost instantly. "I'm not going anywhere with a cursed one like you. Forget it."

"That's a new one," Allen mumbled as he watched Kanda stalk off across the lunchroom. _Cursed one._

"Don't listen to him; probably more of his Japanese voodoo nonsense," Lavi mumbled as he chewed through a mouthful of ramen.

"I don't believe the Japanese do 'voodoo nonsense'," Allen said distastefully_._

"Lavi, you could learn a thing or two from Allen about manners, in fact," she gave him an odd look before asking, "why do you dress so nicely? The dress code doesn't require gloves or that ribbon, you know."

Before he could conjure up an excuse, the bell gave him one.

"Meet up at the front gate at six!" Lenalee yelled as Allen walked away.


	2. Telling Someone Not to Die is So Cliche

**I forgot a disclaimer, does that matter? For the record's sake, I'm not Hoshino in disguise and I don't own D. Gray Man.**

* * *

><p><em>It's the first day of school and I'm already doing something illegal. <em>

He tried to shake the doubt out of his mind and stepped out of the library, heading toward the main entrance. It was already dark outside, as winter quietly devoured the last rays of fall's sunlight. However, when he arrived at the worn columns that marked the entrance, there was absolutely no one there.

He looked around worriedly, hoping that the other two hadn't forgotten their plans. Maybe he should just head home; it wasn't like him in the first place to do something like this. But there was this crawling sensation at the back of his head, almost as if he had to do it. He had to know what was going on, whether it be him going crazy or an actual ghost.

There was a loud cry from behind Allen, and his only reaction was to yell out in surprise as Lavi tackled him. After letting go of him, Lavi laughed as Allen tried to stop shaking from the heart attack the other had just given him._  
><em>

"You sure do get scared easy, don't you? Come on Allen, you're going to need a lot more bravery if you want to live through tonight." Lavi pulled out a flashlight from his pocket and made menacing faces while clicking it on and off beneath his face, causing the light to rapidly flash. Allen rolled his eyes as he started making ghost noises and instead turned to greet Lenalee, who was hobbling over with a shiny, jingling object in her hand.

"I've got the keys!" Lenalee chimed as she swung on her crutches on her way over to them. Allen didn't want to ask where she got them, and Lavi didn't seem the least bit surprised. _She must know someone higher up in the administration,_ he assumed, _or maybe she just stole them_.

"Lenalee, are you sure you are okay to go down there?"

"A pair of crutches isn't going to stop me from a ghost hunt! Come on, Allen, I'll be perfectly safe!"_  
><em>

"Well lookie here, who's that hiding back there? Would it happen to be the infamous Yuu?" Lavi said smugly as he ran up to put his arm around Kanda, who was sauntering up the walkway.

"I came here to warn you idiots to stay out of trouble," he sharply replied and jabbed Lavi in the stomach.

"No, I don't believe that for a second. If anything you'd want us to _get_ in trouble. You're just as interested as we are!" Lavi said excitedly.

Allen looked around awkwardly at the three; they all seemed so close, in an odd way, and he felt as if he were almost intruding on their friendship. Kanda's glare was enough to let him know that he probably was. Curiously, as much as Kanda showed his hatred towards Lenalee and Lavi, he still hung out with them.

"I asked him to come, actually. You never know what'll be down there, and, well, Kanda's a bit more adept at fighting than you Lavi," Lenalee said.

"That cut me deep Lenalee; I thought I was your knight in shining armor! Whatever, let's just get going. I can't wait any longer!"

"There's nothing down there, idiots. We're just wasting our time," Kanda mumbled with a sigh.

Lenalee handed Kanda and Allen a separate flashlight, and they all headed in through the now unlocked front doors.

Allen followed behind them as they walked in, and watched the three of them whisper and laugh and tease each other;_ how did they all get so close?_ None of the three seemed all that similar to the others, especially Kanda, but there was some special, unbreakable bond between them.

"Allen! Don't fall too far behind, or else you'll get lost," Lenalee teased as she led them around corners and down hallways.

Lenalee warned them earlier that they couldn't use their flashlights until they made it to the basement, just in case someone saw the lights from outside through the window. It was so dark within the building that Allen kept bumping into things and getting turned around, so they all eventually agreed that he needed to walk ahead of them, instead of behind. Of course, this was only after he bumped into Kanda and almost cracked his skull open when Kanda retaliated by pushed him to the ground in anger.

"Maybe he's just jumpy because he's scared," Lavi whispered as he helped Allen up. Allen laughed at Lavi's obvious lie while dusting himself off. Minutes later, he _accidentally_ swept his foot under Kanda's, but much to his disappointment Kanda gracefully caught himself instead of falling.

Eventually they came to a dead-end, with a locked door that obviously led to the basement. Allen peeked through the glass on the door and noticed a couple of stairs leading down into a black pool of nothing. Lenalee put the key into the lock, and a definite click seemed to echo through the empty halls.

"Well, we're here. I doubt either of you two will even make it down the stairs before running home crying," Kanda said while crossing his arms.

"Ladies first," Allen said sweetly before gesturing for Kanda to go. Before either of them could spar with flashlights Lenalee pulled the weapons out of their hands and whacked them both on the head.

"Tch." Kanda still punched Allen in the shoulder. Allen tried to hit him back in the same fashion, but Kanda dodged it and left Allen swiping at thin air. Kanda's smug face was enough to make him grit his teeth in frustration. _You win this round, bastard._

"I'm so glad I'm not Yuu's only punching bag now," Lavi said cheerfully as Allen cursed while rubbing his arm.

"Call me Yuu again, and I'll rip your tongue out," He growled back. Lavi retreated behind the now fed-up Lenalee.

"Listen here you idiots! We have to stick together down there, and you can't be tripping each other or fighting or whatever stupid stuff you guys always do! It's dark, and someone could get hurt! So cut it out! Got it?" All three of the boys winced beneath Lenalee's commanding tone and nodded regretfully.

"Alright! Let's go already!" Lavi said and charged down the stairs.

"Lavi, wait up!"

* * *

><p>It'd only taken a total of five minutes for Lenalee decided that it'd be best if they split up, because if she had to listen to Kanda and Allen's constant bickering one of them would end up dead.<p>

"I didn't know it'd be so c-c-cold," Lavi said through chattering teeth. Allen agreed; he didn't bother to change out of his school uniform, and it wasn't as if these clothes were particularly warm.

"Look through this thermal camera I brought. The air is all white and blue, which means there's not even a pinch of warmth. Except when I point it at the pipes its purple, 'cause the water inside is a little warmer than everything else."

"So what's that then?" Allen placed a gloved finger on the tiny screen, pointing at a small smudge of red and yellow down the hall where Lavi pointed the camera. It was low to the ground, and surrounded by the white and blue colored room.

"That would be," his voice was shaking, "an unidentified heat source. An anomaly. _A ghost_!"

Lavi gave out a not-so-masculine cry, dropped the camera, and ran off in the opposite direction without giving Allen a second glance. _He's really that afraid of a dot on a screen? And he took my flashlight? Maybe I should've gone with Lenalee._

"Wait! Lavi!" His words fell on deaf ears, and instead of trying to chase after him, he picked up the camera. Luckily for him it wasn't broken. When he looked through the grainy resolution, the strange elongated orb of red and orange was still in the same position.

"Idiot, it's probably just a camera malfunction," Allen mumbled, but wasn't too convinced himself.

Allen switched on the flash built into the camera, which probably wasn't intended to be used as a flashlight, but he was working with what he had. He didn't see anything in particular, except for the dust stirred up from newcomers so deep in the now unused catacombs. The ceilings were rather low and there rusted pipes and electrical wires exposed everywhere, meaning it was a goldmine for trips, bumps, and dings for the careless traveler. _  
><em>

_Where are Kanda and Lenalee?_

In retrospect, he decided that they should've come up with some way to alert each other. Allen didn't have any of their cell numbers, but the other three probably did. _Might as well have a look around._

With a defeated sigh, he peered through the camera again, but this time switched it from "Thermal" view to "Night Vision" view. Instead of a brightly colored picture of the dirty hallway, it distorted for a moment and then flipped to a grainy, green hued view of the hall. It exposed a door branching off into the old laundry room, which Lavi told him was down this way somewhere earlier. The resolution was too low for him to even tell what was at the same spot where the strange anomaly was earlier on the thermal vision. He considered working his way back to the service room, where they were all supposed to meet in case of an emergency. It should be a left, left, and a right from behind him. Or was it left, right, left?

"Al-len."

Allen jumped and waved his flashlight in a circle all around him, but saw nothing.

"Al-len."

"L-Lavi? Lenalee? Kanda?" He whispered, wondering if one of them was trying to trick him. But the crawling sensation beneath his skin, the same one from the classroom and the lunchroom, returned with full force.

"Very funny, you guys," he said shakily as he continued to walk down the hall.

_I can't get scared. This is what I came here to do, right? Find proof that I'm not crazy._

"Al-len?" It was an innocent voice, one he could easily match up with the figure of the little girl he saw in the cafeteria. The voice seemed to have trouble pronouncing his name, stuttering between the two syllables.

"Yes? Who is it?" He said as calmly as he could. He looked all around again, and even above him this time, but there was no source for the voice. His hair was standing up on the back of his neck, and goosebumps lined his skin, but he steeled his nerves against his fear.

"I can't," the voice stopped mid-sentence.

"Are you okay?" He asked, concerned. What if someone was trapped and lost down here? The only place on this dead-end hall someone could be trapped would be the old laundry room.

"I'm coming to find you, okay? Can you tell me where you are?"

When he didn't get a response, he headed down the hall toward the other room. Out of curiosity's sake, he turned his camera back on and flipped it back to the "Thermal" setting and looked down the hall once more. The strange orb of color that had once been there, was now gone.

He quickly turned the camera flash back on when he heard a bang in the giant, empty laundry room and stepped in. It was littered with dirty rags, towels, broken washers and dryers, and all kinds of strange metal equipment. But there was no sign of anyone. _Must have been a rat._

"Hello? Are you okay?" _God, maybe I was hearing things. I should probably just go find out where Lavi ran off to._

Before he could leave, there was a sharp tug on the back of his shirt. He spun around in fear to find the source of the touch, but again was only met with the silence of the room._ Nothing._

"I can't find my daddy!" The tug was from the other side of him now, from outside of the room instead of inside the room. He yelped and twirled around, and almost cried out louder when he met the face of a crying little girl. She was tugging on the side of his shirt while letting out loud wails and wiping snot from her nose.

His heartbeat wouldn't slow down enough to answer, and he felt so dizzy that his legs might give out.

"Where, I mean, who, no- what happened?" He finally said frantically, bending down to her height. He tried to calm down and delicately patted her soft hair, almost believing that his hand would go right through her. But it didn't; she was solid and real by the standard definition.

"I just wanted to see daddy again, and I got lost." She sniveled and buried herself in his chest. _Why does that sound familiar? Did I-_

Suddenly his train of thought came to a dead halt. _Did I what_? He was getting a strange sense of déjà vu, or something he'd long forgotten was being stirred up. _What's so familiar about this?_

She suddenly started crying louder, and he shook himself out of his daze. He tried to calm down her sobs by rubbing her back and wiped the tears off her cheeks. When he finally got a good look at her, he felt sick to his stomach; she looked like the little girl from earlier today, in the cafeteria.

"Let's go find my friend, Lenalee, okay?" He said while smiling brightly. She tried to match his smile and wiped the rest of the tears away with her own tiny fingers. He shakily stood back up and grabbed her hand, looking out into the hopeless abyss to find a way out.

They started walking toward what Allen hoped was the service room, and he tried not to lose his grip on reality as her questions sounded more and more vague.

"It sure is dark down here."

"Mmm, yep, it is. What were you doing down here anyway?" Allen questioned, braving his best optimistic tone._ How did she survive down here, or worse, how long has she been down here? A couple of hours, maybe? Were people looking for her?_

"Looking for Daddy."

"Daddy?" Allen repeated in confusion.

"He died, and now I have to find him. Mommy won't stop crying, and now my brother won't either. So I have to find him, so we can all be happy again!" She sounded so sure of herself, so innocent and pure. _This can't be real. Dead?_

"He died?" Allen whispered, and looked back down at the little girl. Suddenly a flashlight blinded him followed by several Japanese swears.

"Oi! Assholes! Moyashi! Usagi! "

"If they won't answer to English, what makes you think they'll hear you if you speak in Japanese?" _Lenalee! Kanda!_

"Hey, over here!" Allen yelled.

The girl beside him whimpered, and he whispered, "Don't worry, they'll help us out of here. They're both, well, Lenalee is really nice!"

"Allen? Who are you talking to? Where's Lavi?" Lenalee said nervously.

"I told you I heard him screaming over in the tunnels to the east. How the hell did you end up on the other side of the underground grid, idiot? It's physically impossible for you to be over here if you were following Lavi!" Kanda yelled angrily.

The little girl started crying again when Kanda's harsh voice startled her. "Kanda, you're scaring her," Allen said sternly.

"Do you hear that? It sounds like someone's crying," Lenalee said quietly. Allen looked at them both, and then back at the little girl.

"Can you not see her?" He was seriously concerned for his own mental health. This time Kanda and Lenalee looked surprised, although Lenalee was catching on quicker than Kanda.

"See what?" Kanda said, unamused.

"The little girl! The one I'm holding hands with!" He replied fiercely.

"It's okay Allen. They can't see me."

"Who was that?" Kanda said while stepping back from Allen and getting into what looked like a fighting stance.

"Allen, I don't like this," Lenalee whispered, but still brought her hand out towards where she assumed the girl would be.

"Where's she standing?"

"Right here," he said, and guided her hand until it was placed softly on the little girls head.

"I can't feel anything," She said quietly.

"What can I do to help you?" Allen looked back over at the child, now trembling as she stared back up at Lenalee.

"Daddy's gone. Mommy won't accept it. She's gone, too."

"Your mother died?" Lenalee said quietly through her tears. "Allen, who is she?"

"No idea," he replied.

"Everyone's gone. Except Allen. You'll stay with me and help me find Daddy, right? Mommy's with him. I saw you today at school, Allen, but you looked scared of me."

"This is why you asked if there was a ghost," Kanda mumbled while shining his flashlight down the other halls, hoping to see Lavi. He wasn't disturbed at all.

"Allen," Lenalee said quietly.

"What?"

"The janitor had a daughter," she said before breaking out into sobs.

Allen looked over at Lenalee regretfully, who was still collapsed crying. The little girl looked so happy to be heard, and it was breaking his heart to know that she was long since dead.

"Allen can't stay with you. Well, he can; I don't really care. You're dead. Let's get going, Lenalee," Kanda said sternly and started to walk away with his loud boots echoing through the halls.

"Do you not have a heart Kanda?" Allen snapped back at Kanda.

"Allen is leaving?"

"Allen, I know you want to help, but we're messing with something way beyond our control. We can ask Komui to look into it, and-" Lenalee was suddenly cut off by a much deeper, harsher tone.

"Allen is _not_ leaving." Her tiny nails suddenly felt like sharp blades within his palm.

"What's going on?" Lenalee said nervously, standing up and backing away._  
><em>

"I hate these people! They're trying to make you abandon me!" Suddenly her grip dissolved, and so did the girl herself.

"Allen's going to die down here with me! It's not my fault I didn't know what was going to happen if I tried to see daddy again! It's not my fault I don't want to be alone!" The words eventually were swallowed in the sounds of raining bullets and loud bangs. _What is she talking about?!_

"Shit, Run!" Kanda yelled.

Kanda swiftly came to Lenalee's aid and picked her up, since she was much too slow on crutches. Allen was a shaky mess when he picked himself up off the ground, but he couldn't afford to get lost and chased after the pair.

"Are those bullets?" Allen yelled as he heard the loud ricochet throughout the halls.

He looked back to see no longer the girl, but a sphere shaped monster created mainly out of guns and other weapons took her place. In the center of it was a masked, crying face, but he still knew that unmistakable purple aura that hid behind the machine was the same ghost as before. He felt frozen in horror, and every question he asked seemed to go unanswered. The only option he had was to run faster.

"You've done it now, bean sprout!" Kanda said as they ran along each other.

"What did I do? I definitely didn't ask for this to happen! Where's Lavi?" Allen had trouble talking while trying to avoid getting hit. A bullet scuffed his shoulder or hip here and there, causing him to quicken his pace with each slip up.

"You're the idiot who suggested we come down here in the first place! Just forget him! We aren't going to be able to outrun this thing if we try to search through this maze!"

Allen stopped at the crossroads between the hallway that led up the stairs and the one that led into the west wing, where Lavi had originally run off to.

"Take Lenalee and go," Allen said sternly.

"Allen, what do you think you're doing?! Kanda, don't-" She was in hysterics and trying to kick her way out of Kanda's arms.

"Don't die," were the last two words Kanda said before hitting the ground running.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for all the nice reviews and input! And I know I just said in the last chapter that I hate to spoil surprises, but this is probably going to end up being Yullen. Well, leave me a review on what you think!<strong>


	3. Tea is Better For You

**You reviewers are really, really amazing and give me the strength to stay up till 2 am writing :) enjoy!**

* * *

><p>"Don't Die."<p>

No matter how hard he tried to catch his breath, Allen couldn't seem to stop hyperventilating. His short and choppy breaths might have been more out of fear than exhaustion, but he definitely knew he was getting weaker and weaker the more time he spent in this claustrophobic basement. This game of hide and seek he'd been playing with the ghost, meaning him running as fast as he could till the thing lost sight of him and started shooting aimlessly, was definitely wearing him out. _Where the hell are you, Lavi?!_

The monster was sobbing instead of screaming now, sure that Allen had forsaken her. Suddenly, in a room down the hall, he saw a flicker of light. On and off, almost like a switch. _Could that be Lavi's, well, my stolen, flashlight?_ He made a dash for the door, luckily unseen, and looked around inside. Maybe he was just seeing things; but it was so dark in the basement that lights seemed ten times brighter than usual. Reality wasn't really working out for him tonight, anyway.

However, there was another flash of the light that cut through the darkness, and this time he noticed that from behind a metal cart, a certain red-head was doing a horrible job at hiding. Lavi was hitting the bottom of the flashlight with the palm of his hand, and it flashed a burst of light before going out again. He tapped it on the floor: same thing.

Allen felt relieved to have finally found the idiot, but still a little irked that Lavi abandoned him. He quietly came over to his hiding spot from behind and nudged Lavi while whispering _boo_ in his ear. This was immediately followed by Allen covering Lavi's mouth with his hand to prevent Lavi's shriek from shaking the entire building.

Allen hissed out an expletive when Lavi bit his hand to free himself and bluntly said, "What the hell, Allen! What _the actual_ hell is going on? Because all I know is that a giant robot ghost is screaming your name and trying to kill us! Where's Kanda? Or Lenalee?"

"Kanda took care of Lenalee," Allen whispered back; that's about the only answer he had. It only took Lavi a couple of seconds to process the information until he figured out what happened.

"Yuu left me for DEAD?!" He shouted in despair. The ghost snapped back into action, yelling and showering bullets when it discovered their hiding place.

"Shit, move Lavi! Go!" Allen yelled. Lavi didn't even wait for Allen to say anything before sprinting down the next long hallway. He skidded as he rounded the corner and narrowly dodged bullets heading straight toward him, Allen following close behind.

"We're so dead!" Allen yelled as he felt heat on the back of his heels.

"Only two more hallways and one turn and were home free!" Lavi said excitedly, as if their chances of escaping had gotten so much higher since the machine discovered them._ We're losing ground, _Allen thought_, it's only a couple of seconds before we're both dead._

"Go, Lavi, I'll distract it! It's only after me!" Allen yelled and slowed down.

"Allen?" Lavi said, but he didn't stop. _It was nice knowing you._

"Don't argue with me Lavi, just get out of here!"

"Promise me I'll see you again!" Lavi said fiercely.

Allen looked back at Lavi and mustered up his best smile, and when Lavi realized he wasn't going to get the answer he wanted, he eventually ran off without another word. The last look in Lavi's eyes, of desperation to save both of them, anger at the monster, and affection for his forsaken friend, was enough for Allen to accept what was going to happen.

_As long as they're safe, everything is fine. It's all my fault, really. I'm just glad no one got hurt. It was sort of nice to have friends._

"Die!"

* * *

><p>"And you LEFT him?"<em> Lenalee?<em>

"What was I supposed to do? Let us both get killed?"_ Lavi?_

"I asked him to do one simple thing, and he couldn't even do that. Pathetic." _Definitely Kanda._

He groaned and tried to sit up but was in too much pain to move, much less greet them.

"Allen!" Lavi and Lenalee said at the same time and rushed over to him.

"Where am I?"

"My dorm. Luckily I live alone, so we don't have to explain this mess to anyone," Lavi mused. Allen looked at the state the four of them were in and realized this would take a pretty elaborate excuse. The bullets clipped his clothes and skin and he instinctively looked down at his arm. His left glove was dirty and had a smudge of blood on it, but other than that he'd completely missed getting hurt on his left half. He looked over at Lenalee and Lavi, who were in a better condition, except they both had similar puffy faces. Even though their eyes were worn with tears, they still looked full of happiness. With a sigh of relief, he took a sip of the glass Lavi handed him- and immediately spat it right back out.

"What the hell, Lavi! This is alcohol!" Lavi took the glass from him in confusion and took a sip or two before looking lost in thought. Then he finally agreed that it actually was.

"Lavi drinks so much he can't tell the difference anymore," Lenalee said while laughing.

"Is that really such a bad thing?" Lavi replied while winking as he downed the rest of the glass.

"What happened? I mean, how am I alive?" _All I can remember is the flash of those bullets after I told Lavi to escape._

Lenalee's laughter dissolved and she started a long-winded explanation."Well, when Lavi came up alone, we knew something was wrong. Lavi was practically crying-"

"Was not!"

"At any rate, we gave it a couple of minutes, and you still didn't come."

"Who was crying now, Lenalee?" She glared over at him while hiding a blush.

"Next thing we knew Kanda was gone! So we assumed he went home, which was even worse!"

Them both telling different pieces of the story was starting to get really confusing. After a lot of dispute over the details that happened next, Lenalee finally continued, "Yep, so Kanda just stomped right back up the stairs with your unconscious body. Wouldn't tell us what happened."

"And then dropped he 'ya on the floor," Lavi added smugly. _No wonder my head hurts so much._ He heard Kanda make a noise of annoyance in the other room.

"When we finally got him to talk, he said the ghost, or whatever it was, was in pieces, like someone had cleanly sliced it. And that you were passed out and all shot up."

"We thought you were dead, man!" _The ghost was destroyed? Just like that?_

"Wait. Kanda saved me?" Allen asked in disbelief.

"He only went cause Lenalee kept threatening to crawl down those stairs after you. Meanwhile, he wouldn't lift a finger for me!"

"Don't get any ideas like I want to befriend you, idiot. You and your hero complex are going to get you killed, probably everyone involved, and I want nothing to do with your ridiculous stunts. In fact, I want nothing to do with you," Kanda said as he appeared out of nowhere.

"Message received," Allen said bitterly, but then added, "Thanks anyway. I owe you one."

"You owe me more than one. We all almost died because of you!" Kanda was angrier than Allen had ever seen him, of course, under the circumstances, it only seemed natural. Was there any other side to him other than this angry facade he always had up?

"We all decided to go down there together, Kanda, you know that. You can't blame Allen!" Lavi replied trying to protect Allen.

"Tch. What about you talking to the ghost? What the hell was that?"_  
><em>

"I thought she was real, I mean, I didn't know she was a ghost until she attacked us," he said quietly. He'd been able to hold her hand, after all.

"Delusional _and_ pathetic." Kanda stalked off into Lavi's tiny kitchen, as if he had to get as far away from Allen as possible.

"Don't listen to him, Allen. It was obvious there was a ghost there. You must have some amazing sixth sense! Maybe this was a good thing after all; you found out something about yourself!" Lenalee was trying her best to cheer him up, but it was useless. He felt a strange mix of regret and confusion stir in his head.

"What time is it?" Allen said, trying to change the subject. He stood up and stretched his sore muscles like a cat, accidentally knocking the camera he'd had with him onto the floor.

"What?! You still have the camera?!" Lavi raced over to pick it up, and pressed the power button to see if it would work.

"There's a small crack in the corner of the screen, but other than that, it's fine," Lavi murmured while fooling with it. Suddenly there was a beep, and Allen could hear his own voice talking. Along with the little girl's dejected tone as she talked about her daddy.

Lavi's face paled as he watched the footage, which was only a black screen, but the audio was what mattered;_ I__ left the camera on in my pocket the whole time._

"Is that voice," his voice was only above a whisper, "the girl? The thing that was chasing us?"

"I remember hearing it, right before she attacked us. That's the same voice," Lenalee confirmed.

"Wait, fast-forward Lavi! Maybe we can figure out what happened after I passed out!" Allen said in excitement and stood up to look over his shoulder.

"Even a blank screen will give us more answers than Kanda," Allen mumbled. From the loud slam in the miniature kitchen, he assumed Kanda heard him.

_"Die!"_

_The sound of bullets._

_And then silence._

They all sat in the quiet dorm room, straining to hear something, anything, that would help them figure out what happened.

"Man, Allen, if I didn't know any better I'd assume you were dead now," Lavi gulped as the silence continued.

"Shhhhhh! I hear something!" Lenalee said in fear more than excitement.

There was muffled talking, but no matter how hard they strained to hear they couldn't make it out quite yet. _Is that Kanda's voice? Who's he talking to?_

Kanda stomped out of the kitchen, took the camera from Lavi, and smashed it on the ground.

"What the hell, Kanda! We were just getting to the good part!" Lavi yelled.

"What do you idiots think you're messing with?! This isn't some game; we all almost died, don't you get it? Don't push your luck!" Allen looked over at Kanda and realized_, he's hiding something._

He decided not to anger Kanda further by asking and merely said, "It's only eleven. I think I'm going to head home and try to get some of my homework done."

"You're thinking about homework at a time like this?!" Lavi yelled out in disbelief. Allen just gave an oblivious smile and headed for the door.

"I'm sorry for endangering you all, and almost getting you killed, and-"

"It's okay, Allen. It really isn't your fault. Be safe," Lenalee said before he could continue. Lavi gave a wave, and Kanda turned his head in disgust.

* * *

><p>The streets, well, <em>the entire neighborhood<em> around his house was sketchy, but he knew how to get around to avoid the hotspots. Hotspots being where creeps hung out and tried to jump you.

He fumbled with the lock, and then got on his tip-toes to unlock deadbolt above until he was finally able to quietly slip in. _Please don't be awake, please don't be awake, please don't be-_

"Where the hell have 'ya been?"_ And he's awake._

Allen didn't answer; he knew Cross was too drunk to even try to reason with from the way his speech slurred. The man was sprawled out on the couch with an empty wine bottle in one hand and a cigarette in the other. The TV was on, blaring some awards show Allen had once again forgotten to watch. _In his line of work, you'd expect him to be a little more conservative._

Believe it or not, probably not, Cross was an avid preacher at a little church down the street a ways. Allen might've gone to a handful of sermons, but knowing the man behind the stuffy black robes and clerical collar just left a bitter taste in his mouth. Still, a lot of people believed in him and tipped generously; he'd almost started a pure and just cult in this immoral part of town. The irony almost hurt Allen's lungs in exasperation, especially when he brought some of his saved sinners home for the night.

First things first: Allen wanted something to eat. He went over to the fridge, which was across the living room, and swerved around the island that separated the two rooms. Cross cursed at him when he walked in front of the TV but Allen only rolled his eyes and continued on his mission.

Much to his dismay, the fridge only had booze and, well, more booze. He rested his head on the metallic surface of the now closed fridge in defeat; why was he so hungry and weak? He easily got hungry, but never this bad.

"Why don't we have any food," Allen whined, at no one in particular, as he felt his stomach grumble.

"I've got a couple of jobs I need you to do tonight," was Cross's only answer. _Ignore your poor child left under your care to starve to death, fine._

"It's already twelve!" Allen protested while hunting through the kitchen for food.

When he opted for some cereal out of the pantry, Cross continued, "If you'd come home on time, it wouldn't _be_ twelve, now would it?"

"I'm pretty sure I know how time works." The second the words left his mouth he felt a whoosh of air and glass shattered against the cabinet beside his head. Allen's ears were ringing from the sudden outburst, and he glared angrily over at Cross. _I'm not cleaning that up._

"Don't smart off to me!" _What if he hadn't meant to miss?_

"I'll take care of the debts tomorrow," Allen grumbled back in response. He didn't even need to know the jobs to know that Cross just owed someone. He was way too tired to be putting up with this temper tantrum, anyway.

Cross suddenly rose from the couch and sauntered over to where Allen was standing. He slammed his hand on the counter before blowing smoke in Allen's face and replying, "What did I just fucking say about smarting off to me?" _Not good; Cross is in one of his violent moods._

Once Allen stopped coughing, he opened his mouth to reply, but Cross slapped him so hard he fell backward against the counter.

"You don't have to be so violent, damn it! I said I'd take care of it!" Allen yelled back as he held his swollen cheek. They usually got along pretty well, but something about this town left Cross perpetually pissed off. Allen thought it was maybe just the pain of having to move somewhere else. Things were really starting to get out of hand, though, and neither of them were trying to fix it.

"You have no right to disrespect me!" He yelled and shoved Allen back against the cabinet. When his head collided into the wood, Allen's only response was calling him a bastard which apparently gave Cross the excuse to take out all his anger.

_He must've had a bad day,_ Allen grimaced, as Cross's fist smashed him in the eye.

_Must've lost a bet, owed someone too much money, broken up with a lover,_ he assumed, when he was hurled to the ground.

_Couldn't have been worse than mine,_ he pondered, when Cross drove his boot right into Allen's stomach.

_Couldn't have been worse than mine,_ he agreed, when he heard Cross scoff and walk off.

"Pathetic."

* * *

><p>It only took thirty minutes or so until he pulled himself up off the floor and took care of the odd jobs Cross had for him. Although it was four in the morning when he got home, he managed to shower and get his homework done before his alarm went off.<p>

_Three… two… one…_

He wearily looked at the numbers, 6:01, and considering turning it off or just hitting snooze. Not because he wanted more sleep, of course, but because if he hit snooze, in about an hour or so it would go off and Cross would be forced to get up to turn it off._ It was the small victories that count,_ he thought while smiling devilishly.

"Turn that damn thing off!" Cross yelled from down the hall. Allen grinned, hit snooze, and headed out the door.

Sometimes, after they got in huge arguments, Cross would wake up early and make him his best attempt at breakfast. They'd make small talk about what actually happens in school, and he'd send Allen on his way before slipping into a hangover induced coma. This was not one of those mornings.

He was walking to school and felt completely hollow inside; maybe that ghost sucked the life right out of him. His face was a mixture of a brain-dead hospital patient and an angry old man. And now here he was, waiting for the cross walk sign to turn green so he could inch closer to his haunted school.

"Rough night?" Allen almost didn't register that someone was talking to him, until he realized that no one answered the question.

"Me?" He asked hoarsely and looked over to see someone else waiting patiently for the light to change.

The man looked older, maybe in his twenties, and was holding a cup of coffee. His hair was neatly tied back, although a few of the blackened locks fell forward. He had eyes so peculiar Allen almost wanted to question if he wore contacts or not to change them into that golden, honeyed-over color, but decided against it. _Wait, what did he ask me again?_

When Allen's brain wouldn't move fast enough to try to remember what he said, the man simply responded, "I'll take that as a yes. Coffee?"

Allen looked at him again; what was familiar about him? He definitely didn't know him by name, or even by his face, but his clothes looked familiar. Wait a second.

"Do you go to my school?" _Of course he does Allen, that's the same uniform you're wearing._ Wait, he's young enough to still be in high school?

"A little slow this morning, aren't we?" Allen didn't feel like bothering to come up with a witty answer. All he had to do was make it through the day and then he could fall into a blissful nap; this was only a small roadblock.

"Yeah," Allen muttered. _Maybe he'll leave me alone if I'm cold enough. I'm still not good at handling everyday conversations, am I?_ On the contrary, the man was giving him an even stranger look, not looking at his eyes, but rather his face. It was a mix of mild concern and amusement._ Is there something on my face?_

"It's not a tattoo, it's a scar. Yes, my hair is naturally this color. No, I didn't bother brushing it this morning. And, no, I do not worship Satan," Allen said surly as he went through his mental checklist of frequently asked questions.

"My, my. I'm sorry to have upset you, I was just going to say a sour attitude like that doesn't belong on a sweet face like yours," he replied. Allen suddenly snapped out of his exhaustion induced trance and felt guilty for is spitefulness to a complete stranger.

His voice changed from the sarcastic tone he had earlier, and instead he pulled out an innocent apology. "No, no, I'm sorry. That was uncalled for, I just didn't get any sleep, and my-"

"You shouldn't have to excuse yourself. I was obviously imposing and would've reacted quite the same. Here," he handed Allen his coffee, "you're going to need this to make it through the day. Let's just start over, shall we?" This almost felt like a contest to see who could out-gentleman the other. And Allen was definitely losing this morning.

He looked around and suddenly realized they were already at school. The man held out his hand and gave a warm smile before introducing himself.

"I'm Tyki Mikk. And you are?"

Allen met his hand and replied, "Allen Walker."

"Well, Mister Allen Walker, I do hope you have a better day. Adieu." With a faux bow, he headed off toward the northern building.

Allen took a sip of the coffee, only to realize it was tea.

* * *

><p>The second he stepped in the school building he got more stares than usual.<p>

"Hey, Allen! What's u-" Lavi stopped mid-sentence when he saw him from across the hall.

"What?" Allen asked boredly.

"Have you looked in a mirror, man?" Lavi said, horrified.

"Oh, yeah, my bedhead can get pretty bad sometimes, but-"

"No! Your eye!" _What?_

Suddenly Lenalee appeared from behind Lavi and joined in on the fawning over Allen, and he blinked in confused until they dragged him off to the bathroom.

"Holy," was his only response when he looked back at his own horrible reflection.

"Shit." Lavi finished for him.

It looked as if someone rubbed dirt under his eyes, which he presumed might have been black circles from a lack of sleep. He'd never slept well and always had the slight darkening beneath his eyes, but these were much worse. That wasn't the real problem, however; his entire right eye was bruised and bloody and blackened. He'd remembered it hurting in the shower this morning, but didn't give it a second thought._ Damn you, Cross._

"Did the ghost do that?" Lavi said as he poked at his eye. Allen swatted his hand away and then brought his face up close to the mirror for a better inspection. This was no ghost.

"Must've been," he said nervously, and tried poking it himself. He winced in pain at the slightest touch.

He heard rustling and saw Lenalee digging through her purse until she pulled out a bottle of tan liquid.

* * *

><p><strong>Until next update!<strong>


	4. Alleyways Aren't Safe After 10 PM

"Hey, it hasn't rubbed off yet!" Lenalee said happily at lunch. Allen gave a weak nod while he tried to stomach some food. It was a strange turn of events for him not to be able to eat.

"What hasn't rubbed off?" Kanda asked while picking at his food.

"That ghost ended up giving poor Allen over here a nasty black eye," Lavi said through a mouthful of food.

"That's impossible. It was shooting bullets," Kanda said as he glared over at Allen. Suddenly that clicked in Lavi and Lenalee's heads and they realized that Kanda was right. They looked over at Allen for an explanation.

"It's not like we were all that graceful with our escape, besides, who knows what happened to Allen all alone down there," Lavi replied when Allen couldn't seem to create an excuse fast enough. _Looks like it's time to change the subject: Operation Put the Blame on Kanda!_

"Speaking of last night, why'd you destroy that camera?" Allen asked as he tried to swallow down a bite from his sandwich.

Kanda almost choked on his food and gave Allen such a menacing look that he thought he might jump over the table and tackle him.

"Seriously Kanda, that was our only evidence!" Lavi whined.

"Evidence of what? You running away and crying for you mommy?" Kanda snapped back._ Everyone is so touchy today. _

"Stop it!" Lenalee yelled, but her attempt at creating order at the lunch table was in vain and both Kanda and Lavi started arguing and throwing things. Allen drifted off into a sleepy daze, looking off into the windows where he'd seen the little girl. _Wait, was someone looking at him?_

Upon closer inspection, he realized the man he met from before was staring right back at him, about to walk out the door. Allen smiled back and waved, and in response Tyki seemed to shake his head while smiling and left.

"Who 'ya waving at Allen?" Lavi asked when Lenalee finally made Kanda get off of him.

"Oh, this kid I met this morning. I was really rude to him because he kept staring at my face, but now I know why," Allen muttered. He'd blatantly worn a black eye for their entire conversation, but Tyki was too polite to say anything.

"What's his name?" Lenalee asked.

"Tyki. Doesn't he look a little old to be still going to school around here?"

Lenalee spit out her drink in surprise. Lavi dropped his spoon along with his jaw. Even Kanda, impervious, unshakable Kanda, looked over in surprise.

"Tyki Mikk? No, no, no, Allen. if there's one person you don't want to get mixed up with, it's him. He runs a drug ring, no, _the_ drug ring around this entire city!"

"I heard he was in the mafia, Lavi. Someone told me he murdered a student here in cold blood."

"Not only a murderer, but have you heard what happens at his parties?"

"What? He just gave me coffee- er, no tea. It wasn't a big deal," Allen said in surprise, trying to calm their growing accusations.

"Don't wave your hands and try to excuse yourself! He only talks to people for a reason, Allen. You could be in serious trouble!" Lavi said. Lavi did sound serious, but Tyki hadn't; this was probably just some rumor blown way out of proportion.

"I hope he skins you and hangs you over his fireplace," Kanda muttered. _Even Kanda's in on it?!_

"It was just a simple conversation at a stoplight!" Allen replied frantically.

"Well, it can't be helped now. Just be steer clear of him and be polite if you do run into him," Lenalee murmured.

"Can't seem to stay out of trouble, can you?" Lavi said while shaking his head.

"What did I do?" He asked miserably.

The bell rang, but Lenalee stopped Allen from running off and said, "I doubt anyone's told you this yet, but every student is required to join some sort of school sponsored club. At the end of the month there will be a club fair, which means you need to have made your mind up before then," she stopped and looked around suspiciously,"and I'm telling you this in advance because I needed to warn you._ Don't join a club with Lavi. _And if you just shirk this off, Komui will make you clean up campus for a couple of hours instead." She held out a clipboard with a couple of pages of names listed from top to bottom. _There are this many clubs?_

"Thank you, Lenalee, really. This is a big help," Allen said sweetly and began skimming through all the names.

* * *

><p>A week or two went by, Allen usually measured it in makeup, and Cross had gotten more violent all of a sudden. There seemed to be spells in his "business" cycle that varied with his anger and alcohol consumption. He was aware Cross had a life outside of the church, but usually stayed away from anything to do with him. This town tore apart the little stability they'd created in the two or three years they'd strangely gotten to know each other.<p>

Allen was laying in bed, trying and failing once again failing to sleep. He looked to his left and saw his same clock blatantly stating that it was already two in the morning, and he still hadn't gotten any sleep. He wrapped the covers tighter around him and sighed;_ this can't go on forever. Cross will go back to being irritating and out of the way. _

Suddenly his arm started throbbing, and he gasped in pain; it felt like his arm was being torn off. He regretfully emerged from beneath the covers and into the cold air of his room. When he pulled up his sleeve, nothing was wrong, but the pain was almost getting worse. His hand started burning soon after and he cursed and tried to shake out his hand. When neither the burning or pain stopped, he quickly jumped out of bed and ran over to the sink. While keeping his hand under the water, he opened the mirror cabinet and pulled out a handful of bottles. Sleep aid, painkiller, anxiety reducer, muscle relaxant. He dry swallowed the concoction of pills and then closed the mirror. _Is this really what it's come to_, he thought with a sigh and bent over to was his face off. The stinging was starting to go away, and his arm wasn't cramping any longer, so he took his hand out from under the water and looked back in the mirror.

For a split second, he saw a black figure, nothing more than a tall shadow behind him, but he still yelped and looked around. No one_. Side effects may include mild hallucinations_, he reminded himself before nervously climbing back into his warm bed.

Things were finally settling down at school after that awful basement catastrophe, and classes were easy no matter how advanced the teachers liked to call them. The only thing advanced about them was all the homework that came with it.

However, no matter how much he tried to avoid thinking about it, that little girl always came right back to haunt him at night. He'd always have nightmares, waking up screaming and crying and kicking and howling, but whatever scared him so bad he could never remember. For some reason, that ghost tugged at a memory he'd long forgotten, something long before he'd met Cross or even-

Thump.

Allen heard lots of noise coming from outside his room and lazily got out from under the covers, once again, to go see what the problem was now. _I'm never going to get any sleep,_ he thought miserably. With a loud sigh he flung open the door, only to find an empty hallway. But the noise grew louder as he continued down the hall.

_What the- _It only took a few footsteps closer to Cross's room to make out exactly what the banging noises were, along with all kinds of unpleasant gasps and groans. And he left the door open, too. Lovely. Allen felt himself about to puke and sped down the stairs and right out the front door.

The last time this had happened, Cross told Allen he wasn't going to bring girls home anymore. Not for Allen's sake, of course, merely just because he didn't like having them know where he lived._ Glad to see he's keeping his promises._

Bitter, angry, and disgusted, he decided to walk around a couple blocks even though he'd failed to get a jacket during his escape. Sweatpants and a thin long-sleeved t-shirt didn't exactly make for great below-freezing January night strolls, but he was too angry to care. At least he had his gloves.

After a couple of blocks, he stopped near a park. It wasn't particularly safe, and it was more of an acre of grass rather than a park, but he liked it there. Besides, he certainly could outrun whatever crazy drunk that showed up.

There was a flickering street lamp in an alleyway near the fence to the park; Allen surveyed the area for any creeps before he decided to walk in. The flickering light revealed something he couldn't quite make out in the alleyway right across from the park. _Better check it out._ Stealthily avoiding the light, he switched sides of the streets and peered over the corner of the building.

He winced when he saw the classic aftermath of someone being robbed on these streets. Blood, gore, and a victim left for dead. Allen had come across a dead body or two in his time living at this house, and merely called the police while heading home. But this person was definitely still alive, and he didn't look all that old, either._ Wait, he knew that hair. And that face._

"Kanda?!" Allen yelled and rushed to his side. Even tangled and soaked with blood, Kanda's hair was still unmistakable. It was out of its natural hair tie and instead showered his face in dark strands. Allen brushed it out of his face to see if his eyes were still open, and luckily enough, Kanda was still conscious.

He was in a crumpled heap on the ground, blood pooling around him and soaking through his clothes. From the way blood was spattered in different places in the alleyway, he assumed there'd been a confrontation, with Kanda as the obvious loser. Allen glanced around for any sign of the attacker, and a little ways down the alley he saw two black figures, getting smaller and smaller as they faded off into the night. He desperately wanted to run after him and kick the shit out of him, but Kanda's life was more important at this moment.

"Kanda?" Can you hear me?" Allen asked while brushing some of his hair away from his face.

Kanda's dimming eyes gave him a wide-eyed glance that Allen knew so well; the, _"what the hell are you doing here?"_, glare. He tried to mumble something but instead started spitting up blood on Allen.

Allen cursed as he lifted Kanda up off the ground and helped him walk; Kanda didn't even try to protest or ask where they were going. Allen just crossed his fingers and prayed that Cross had gone to bed.

Sure enough, as they were approaching the door, a scantily clad woman was holding her heels and storming down the street away from his house.

* * *

><p>"Watch it!" Kanda hissed as Allen wiped disinfectant into his wound. After counting them all, he had three stab wounds in his abdomen, and, scientifically speaking, a million bruises forming.<p>

"Do you want it to get infected or not?" Allen huffed and applied more pressure. There was blood all over Allen at this point; his gloves and shirt were drenched in red. Although not trained as a medical doctor, he had enough practice and supplies from his own endeavors with Cross to know how to make the bleeding stop.

"You look disgusting," Kanda commented as Allen wiped his face and ended up with more blood on it than he'd tried to wipe away. He realized his gloves were damp in the rich red blood and scowled a bit, knowing he couldn't take them off.

"And who's fault is that, exactly?" Allen yelled back. Kanda stayed quiet and watched him work. Allen muttered something about stitches, but the noise Kanda made after told him that it was not going to happen.

"Dammit!" Kanda cursed as Allen started wrapping another wound tightly.

"What the hell is all this noise?!" Allen's eyes widened while Kanda's changed from rage to confusion. Allen winced with each heavy step on the stairs, but didn't say anything and continued to wrap the wound.

There was a long period of silence when Cross reached the bottom of the stairs. Kanda was sitting on the island between the living room and kitchen, glaring back at the red-haired man who couldn't hide his pure, dumbfounded expression. Kanda didn't have a shirt on, Allen was covered in blood, and Cross was left to try to figure out what was going on.

"So, is it a boy or a girl this time?" Cross said sleepily while pointing at Kanda. Allen couldn't help the embarrassment that flushed in his cheeks, however, Kanda failed to realize what Cross was implying and instead focused on the insult.

"Oh, that's it! Who the hell is this idiot?" Kanda tried to hop off the counter and try to get at Cross, but Allen held him back.

"You're gonna tear your wounds open, Kanda!" Cross paid no mind to the enraged boy and instead, stumbled over to the fridge. _He wasn't drunk enough if he could still walk to get another beer,_ Allen thought bitterly.

"Clean this shit up before I come back down," was the only thing he said before disappearing.

"Yeah, yeah," Allen mumbled as he went back to treating Kanda's wounds. There was a long period of unmistakable, awkward silence as Allen continued to wrap up his wounds.

"Are you training to be a doctor or something?" Kanda muttered while trying to avoid the uneasiness that lingered in the air. He looked down and watched Allen for a moment, who was trying his hardest not to put any more pressure on Kanda's abdomen than possible. His work was really clean, even if he wasn't.

"I just have some experience," Allen mumbled back bitterly. More silence.

"What were you doing out there, Kanda?" Allen finally asked.

"Doesn't concern you," he replied. That was a good attempt at a conversation.

"It does now," Allen replied as he took a step back to look at Kanda. All his wounds were properly treated and wrapped, and it was nice and neat. He'd gotten almost a little too good at this. Allen never realized Kanda had a tattoo, but the intricate marks were fascinating.

"Looking for something?"

"I like it. The tattoo, I mean. I didn't think they let you get them in America before you were eighteen?" Kanda gave him a look that meant he really should've known better than to ask.

Allen sighed when he realized that Kanda could glare all night long without blinking or saying a word; he wasn't going to get any answers. He walked upstairs to his closet, grabbing his warm jacket for Kanda and changing out of his bloodied shirt. Then he went into his personal bathroom, and checked behind the bathroom mirror. After scrambling through what felt like 20 incorrect, translucent orange bottles, he finally found his own personal painkillers and dropped two into his hand before sealing the lid and replacing it behind the mirror.

"Here," he said when he came back downstairs. Kanda looked surprised when the coat and pills were forced into his hands, and looked back at Allen after eyeing the medicine.

"Are you trying to drug me?" _Why does he have these_, Kanda wondered as he inspected the pills. They were prescription, not drugstore variety.

"Just take the medicine so I can help you walk home," Allen muttered as he started to clean up the blood staining the kitchen counter.

"Help me walk home? I'm twice as strong as you, even in this condition. And who's going to guide the lost little princess home after she drops me off?" He crossed his arms in defiance, but still felt a bit nervous as Allen's hands clenched.

"Listen here, arsehole. You won't tell me what's going on, and you haven't been truthful with me ever since the basement. I don't know who's following you, or what you did, but it's obviously not safe out there. Do you honestly think you're going to make it a block without collapsing? And on top of that, I live around here. I definitely know how to handle myself."

"Tch." Kanda averted his gaze from Allen and took the medicine.

"Here," Allen shoved the jacket toward Kanda again, "I'll meet you outside."

Kanda raised an eyebrow but didn't question Allen.

* * *

><p>He sat out on the porch swing and silently looked out at the neighborhood. The dull street lamps were either flickering or giving out, and he could break his mother's back ten times over on the worn down sidewalk. The streets were barren and faded; everyone knew better than to park around this area. <em>Allen really lives here?<em>

He heard a door slam from inside the house; _what the hell was Allen doing?_ It was too cold outside to make him wait like this.

Kanda slipped on the warm jacket Allen gave him and instantly felt less irritable when his wounds were no longer open to the cold. The jacket smelled like pine trees and vanilla; what a strange combination. It was better than the scent of blood that still lingered on him, he readily decided.

"A 'friend' of yours? What the hell were you _actually_ doing out so late?" Kanda turned around in surprise; that was the man's voice from earlier. He looked around until he realized the window behind him was open, filtering out an argument between the occupants.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep because you and _that girl_ were keeping me awake!" Kanda shook his head in disgust. _Parent of the Year Award goes to…._ The words coming out of Allen's mouth sounded artificial; there's no way Allen would actually be that vulgar.

Yet, the arguing continued until he heard the smashing of glass and an unmistakable thud of skin hitting skin._ Allen? _He stood up to go back inside and figure out what was going on; waiting outside like this was going to kill him with curiosity and worry. The sickening noises continued, and Kanda put his hand on the door handle.

"Damn it!" Allen swung open the door and Kanda quickly sidestepped his warpath as he slammed it shut right after him.

"What took you so long?" Kanda questioned, visibly annoyed._ I don't want to get involved in some brat's domestic problems. Just take me home already_. If he knew the way back, he'd be halfway home already.

"Come on, Kanda, let's just go," Allen snapped as he put an arm underneath Kanda's shoulder to help him walk.

Kanda pushed him away, and then grabbed his shoulders to force Allen to look at him.

"Answer me. What was all that noise?"

"What was what?"

"Don't do that!"

"Do what?" _It's like this kid is begging to get decked._

"Don't try to play innocent with me! And don't you dare lie to me," Kanda snarled back and thrust him back against the door.

"How about you stop lying, Kanda! I know there's something going on that you won't tell your friends, much less me, but you knew something about that ghost! And whatever happened in that basement, you knew!_ What are you hiding?_"

"It's none of your damn business," Kanda yelled and raised his fist.

It was in that moment that Kanda realized exactly what he hated about Allen; it was those eyes. Never once had Allen been afraid of Kanda, even now, his eyes held a fierceness and determination he would never understand. There was a depth that almost made him feel faraway; Allen had a strange air of politeness that held in a quite different person.

He hadn't the slightest clue as to who he was looking at.

"Do it," Allen spat back as Kanda held him against the door.

He looked over at his tightened fist and then realized he was no different from the man on the other side of the wall; _what did Allen do to deserve this?_ He lowered his hand and let go of Allen, who didn't question Kanda's behavior and instead silently supported him as they walked.

It was a dark and quiet walk; they weren't exactly the best of friends, after all.

"Why do you put up with that?" Kanda finally mumbled. He felt Allen shift uncomfortably beneath him. He's pretty strong for being so small. However, Allen was absent-mindedly grasping his left arm and almost looked like he was in pain.

"We just got into an argument, it's not a big deal. Anyone would be mad if they brought a stranger into their house in the middle of the night," Allen responded. He sounded much more sarcastic than sincere and held his arm even tighter.

"I guess I shouldn't expect anything less than forgiveness from a preacher's son."

Allen stopped walking and looked up at Kanda incredulously. Before he could ask, Kanda answered his question.

"I noticed his outfit laid out on the couch. Is that why he took you in? Were you just a poor sinner who carved the devil's mark into your own face? Or was that him?"

"Kanda," Allen sounded as if he was chiding a child while he tried to keep his anger in check, "would you please just leave me alone? Whatever you think is going on between me and Cross isn't true. So just stay out of my business."

"You call your father by his first name?"

"Not my father," Allen mumbled back. Kanda silently mulled over the fact that Allen's personality was a complete flip from earlier, and then when he eventually came to terms with the fact that it was mostly his fault, he felt a little guilty._ Maybe I should just tell him that he left the window open, so he'd stop lying to me. But then again, that'll only embarrass him more._ Damn it.

"Which way from here?" Allen asked as they stood in front of the campus.

"Don't worry about it. I can make it from here," Kanda replied and tried to pull himself away from Allen's shoulder. The second he tried to walk forward, however, he almost collapsed in pain.

Allen caught him by the arm and then sighed. "Kanda, let's just get back to your dorm as quickly as possible so I'll be out of your hair. Deal?"

An even more uneasy silence followed as they navigated across the courtyard, up two flights of stairs, and eventually winding their way back to Kanda's room.

"Are you going to go to the nurse tomorrow?" _No._

"Do you know how to take care of those wounds?"

"I know how a band-aid works, bean sprout." He watched Allen do it and it looked easy enough. Disinfectant, Gauze, Tape. Repeat.

"Goodnight then, Kanda," Allen said as he walked off. Kanda didn't bother to reply and tried to slam his door shut, but stopped short and winced.

"Wait."

Allen turned around and looked over at the cracked door.

"Thanks."

The door slammed shut, and Allen's frown softened a little as he turned around to start his long walk home.

* * *

><p>Kanda was exhausted, and only slipped out of his shoes before collapsing onto his bed. Luckily his phone hadn't broken, and he fished around in his pocket to check it. Two voicemails, five missed calls, and a handful of texts. He wasn't exactly known for being one to pick up the phone.<p>

He tossed it aside and didn't even bother looking at any of the messages before slipping under the covers. People would expect a long explanation tomorrow and he'd be out of commission for a while;_ Damn it._

It grew quiet and peaceful, but he couldn't sleep; the long walk hadn't exactly been easy, and whatever the bean sprout gave him was wearing off. He closed his eyes again.

_What was that smell?_

He suddenly remembered that he'd forgotten to give Allen's jacket back, and that same smell of bittersweet fresh pine and warm vanilla lingered over him. But most of all, it smelled like Allen.

* * *

><p><strong>I wasn't planning on updating, but hey, there was a snow day today! After a near death experience yesterday, (my mustang slid on a patch of ice; I was doing 360 spins in the middle of the road. but I didn't hit anyone or crash! Just terrifying, that all; also a good experience to put into a story… hm….), I decided to write all night. Enjoy!<strong>

**Another thank you to people who've been reviewing. I love you all a whole, whole lot, and you guys speed up my writing process by a couple days. Till next update :)**


	5. A Lot Of People Have Trust Issues

"Allen?"

It was beginning to become blindingly obvious; Allen wasn't eating, or sleeping, or talking. All he did was homework, put on a brave face for Lenalee and Lavi, and do whatever Cross asked of him. He furiously scribbled all the numbers down and then started solving for X. After a couple of minutes of not being able to reach an actual answer, he looked back at the book and realized he'd copied most of the problem down wrong, and couple of the numbers he'd written were backwards.

"Damn it," Allen mumbled while scraping away at his paper with an eraser. This was the third time in a row; his eyes just couldn't seem to focus and he was starting to get beyond the point of frustrated.

"You forgot, didn't you?"

He looked up from his textbook; Lenalee was staring at him with concern written all over her face. He wiped off the anger written all over his face and smiled while laughing nervously. She crossed her arms and didn't let his radiance fool her this time, no, not falling for that face. _But then again, with his eyes sparkling with innocence and the naïve little smile... no- Lenalee, no!_

"Forgot what, Lenalee?" He got lost in thought trying to think what he would've possibly forgotten._ Is it her birthday? Maybe a holiday, or maybe-_

"The club fair! It's already the end of November! I told you not to put this off," She fumed. He vaguely remembered a conversation at lunch about this, but obviously pushed it back so far in his mind that it didn't even register for a whole month.

"I'm sorry Lenalee, I've just had a lot on my mind," he replied with a large sigh. "What'd you pick, anyway?" He asked while stashing his book back in his bag. If he glared at those numbers any longer he'd probably start a fight with the book itself.

"I was, well, waiting to see what you'd pick," she said.

Any minute now, the bell would ring and the students would be free to roam the halls and sign up at one of the many booths. It would take a tour around the entire school to visit every single club, since Komui offered to let each club have their own classroom to decorate and help recruit more members. Which meant that this day was nowhere near being over, and he'd have to continue his battle against the urge to sleep. _I didn't even notice all the clubs setting up all day. I guess I was pretty out of it._

"What about you, Lavi?" Allen asked without noticing Lenalee's implication. Lenalee sighed when his pure oblivious nature thwarted her attempt at flirting once again.

Lavi just as surprised as he was when awoken from his mid-class nap. Wiping off a little drool from the side of his mouth he sleepily answered, "Wait, that's today? Well-"

Lenalee dragged Allen away from Lavi by the back of his hood and whispered, "What did I tell you? Don't listen to him, Allen! _No one_ wants to be in the same club as Lavi. He singlehandedly destroyed the Boys' Cricket Team,"

"Not my fault," he chimed in from afar.

"You started hitting the opposing team with the racket!" Lavi laughed nervously but didn't deny it.

"And then the fiasco with the Baking Club," Lenalee was counting on her fingers now, and Lavi started to look more and more depressed with each accusation.

"They didn't tell me how to know whether an oven was on or off!"

"Even the War Reenactment Club went down in flames, metaphorically speaking," She said.

"I didn't understand the meaning of _bring_ your own gun and was charged with possession of a firearm on school grounds," he replied matter-of-factly, not even trying to defend himself this time. She listed about eight more clubs until stopping, deciding that she'd made her point.

"Plus, he almost destroyed Kanda's chances at going to Regionals for the Swim Team."

"How?" Allen asked when Kanda's hand twitched while writing something a few desks in front of them.

"I begged him to try some of the sushi I made in the Traditional Japanese Cuisine Club," Lavi whispered while Kanda glared at him.

"Kanda was throwing up for days. He only stopped throwing up for his race," Lenalee added. The bell rang and they all strolled out of the classroom, pulling Kanda along with them.

"Any suggestions?" Allen asked as he walked down the halls. They all looked inside each of the rooms, chit-chatting with friends and eating whatever samples they had. Along with getting chased out of the rooms of clubs Lavi had ever been associated with. _This all seems a bit pointless,_ Allen thought, but Komui insisted on getting students "more excited" about coming to school, since more and more people were not even bothering to show up for class.

"Well, you can't join any of the girl exclusive clubs, I've already tried that. You should probably avoid the group of boys who obsess over ponies down the hall, the vampire kids who draw on eyeliner with sharpie on the third floor, anything that has to do with sports, and _especially_ the Map-Makers and Survival Club." Allen glared in his direction but knew that his sense of direction was _not_ the best.

"Don't forget the entire science department, especially the Robotics Team," Lenalee added while shivering. Before Allen could question why, Lavi cut him off.

"We all should just join the swim team with Yuu!" Lavi said excitedly.

"No!" Allen and Kanda both said it in unison, a little too quickly. Allen absent-mindedly gripped his arm in discomfort; there was no way he was swimming. Lavi and Lenalee looked at both of them in confusion, which caused Allen and Kanda to eye each other suspiciously.

"Probably doesn't even know how to swim," Kanda said mockingly. He'd gladly take whatever excuse works for them.

Lavi shrugged and they continued their walk around the school, Allen losing more and more interest the farther they went. Along with that this school apparently had no idea how to turn on the heat, and he was so chilled to the bone that his teeth wouldn't stop chattering. He didn't mind the cold to a point and happened to like the wintertime, but he couldn't seem to find his jacket within his mess of a closet. Worse, at the rate he was losing weight from his lack of appetite, he was barely more than skin and bones.

"Allen why do you always have that sour look on your face these days?" Lenalee pouted. Lavi nodded his head in agreement.

"You're even more of a bean sprout than usual, too," Lavi remarked while pinching his rib. Allen jumped a little more than he should have; that rib was bruised already. He could feel Kanda's gaze burning holes right through him, but acted oblivious and ignored his anger.

He hid his discomfort behind a cheery smile while trying his best to sound positive. "Eh, have I really been that bad? I think I signed up for too many advanced classes, and all this work has me a little tired I guess."

"You know what you need," Lavi wrapped an arm around Allen, "a night out. No work, no worries; we all need to have a cheer up Allen party!"

Lenalee perked up at the idea. "That's a great idea! This weekend we're all going to hang out, okay, Allen?" He nodded with a warm smile; maybe that's just what he needed.

Allen turned forward only to bump into someone he'd almost forgotten existed. Looking up, he realized that it was a familiar face.

"Oh, sorry sir! Wait,_ Tyki?"_

"Fancy running into you, Allen. Do you three mind too terribly if I steal a moment of Allen's time?" He asked while graciously addressing the three.

Lavi gulped and stared nervously at Tyki until Lenalee elbowed him out of his terrified trance and chirped, "Oh, sure!"

Kanda remained his aloof self, but still eyed the man warily. Tyki gave a charming smile toward the three and turned around, assuming Allen would follow behind him. Allen looked back at the trio as he followed Tyki down the hall; Lavi silently dragging his finger across his throat through the air while Lenalee gave a wave as if she was watching a soldier board a sinking ship.

They headed toward the stairwell and he opened the door for Allen, who stood there for a moment before realizing he was supposed to go through. Allen kindly thanked him but still felt a bit disturbed by how polite one person could be.

"If you don't mind me asking, where are we going?" Allen said as he continued up the stairwell. Tyki didn't answer but when they finally reached the top of the stairwell he brushed past Allen and pulled a ring of keys out of his pocket. _How can everyone get keys to this place so easily?_

Wait, were they going out on the roof?

"You're friends aren't too fond of me, are they?" Tyki murmured as he searched for the right key.

"Ah, no! It's not that at all, they're just-"

"You don't have to be nice and spare my feelings, Allen. I know what rumors go around this school," he finally put a key into the lock, "but do you believe them?" Tyki was looking at him now, as if to judge Allen's reaction rather than his words.

"I don't really know what I believe in anymore," Allen said finally.

For some reason, that seemed to satisfy him and he beckoned for Allen to walk through the door.

* * *

><p>"He's been gone too long," Lavi said sullenly as he chewed on a free cookie. They all decided to wait in the commons room, and sat at a table while silently filling out papers for clubs. All except for Lavi, of course.<p>

"You don't think anything bad is going to happen do you?" Lenalee said in a worried tone. She nervously twirled her hair, as if that would relieve some of the uneasiness she was feeling. Her pen tapped lightly as she stared at the blank form. She didn't like that Tyki; there was something off about him.

"Don't be stupid. They obviously want him to join their stupid club," Kanda replied. He didn't like it either; Allen _had_ been gone for too long.

"I wasn't aware there was a club? Which one is it?"

"How should I know?" Kanda snapped back. He knew there wasn't one, or at least not an official one.

"What if Allen's being initiated into a cult? What if Tyki's offering him a job as a spy for his drug empire, or worse, what if Allen's buying drugs? Ah, I can't stand all this waiting! We're all running out of time to pick a club!" Lavi yelled while running his hands through his hair. He was looking through Lenalee's clipboard again, noting where he'd marked out each club that had rejected him. There was a lot of black marker for one piece of paper.

"I'm already involved with the swim team, you two can figure it out for yourselves."

"The student council gave me an offer to be the secretary," Lenalee admitted. Lavi looked at them both and then realized they were filling out paperwork.

"What?! Does that make me the only man left out? I thought we were in this together!" Lavi said, visibly upset at the fact no club would let him join. Kanda and Lenalee shared nervous glances until she nodded her head that Lavi was probably the only student who didn't get into a club.

"You know what, let's just make our own club! Forget this rigged system! Then we don't even have to do anything, just sit around school for an hour or two," Lavi said, excitement suddenly back. Kanda snorted and Lenalee just sighed; this was a new low, even for him.

"I doubt Komui is just going to let you have an excuse not to do any work. Besides, you need members, and an actual idea for a club," Kanda replied.

"We only need enough people to fill the main positions, which would be the president, vice president, secretary, and treasurer. There are four of us, and four positions!"

"Okay, say Komui _actually_ let you get away with this. What's your brilliant idea?" Even Lenalee looked skeptical; she could technically pull the strings to get her brother to let them start a club, but they didn't even have an idea.

"What brought us together in the first place?"

"Almost getting killed in a goddamn basement, that's what," Kanda said in annoyance.

"Correct! We can be ghost hunters! And we don't even have to have any proof that we do anything, because ghosts are just that elusive. Although we would have proof if someone hadn't had a temper tantrum, " Lavi said. Lenalee and Kanda almost looked impressed; it was the perfect plan.

And then Kanda crushed his dreams. "No way."

"Yuu, please don't force me to have to clean up the school after hours!" He switched from begging at Kanda and got down on his knees in front of Lenalee. "Please, Please, please, please-"

Kanda rolled his eyes and finally said, "Okay, stop it already! If I _did_ consider joining your fake club, I wouldn't do any work."

"You can be the treasurer! We won't have any money, or even a need for money, so all you have to do is show up for a couple of minutes!" Kanda thought for a moment before shrugging. Anything to make him stop the stupid rabbit stop talking.

"I'll see what I can do, Lavi. Wait here!" And with that, Lenalee ran off.

"Doesn't she already run track? How's she going to have time for that, student council, and your stupid club?" Kanda muttered as he watched her leave.

"Wait. I totally forgot about Allen."

Kanda snorted at this. "He does whatever he's told. Won't be a problem with that idiot."

Lavi looked curiously, and Kanda suddenly realized what he'd just said. That night still hung heavy over his thoughts, and, thinking back on it, he realized he still had Allen's jacket. _Probably freezing and forgotten its existence, idiot bean sprout._ Where the hell was he, anyway? Worry left a bitter taste in his mouth, and it was something he wasn't used to. However, he couldn't help but to worry about the kid, because if he didn't, who would? Allen even seemed to be neglecting himself.

"Do I sense worry brewing beneath that angry little head of yours? What's going on with Allen, anyway?" Lavi knocked on Kanda's head to snap him out of his trance, causing him in turn to twist Lavi's hand back until he begged for mercy.

"None of my business, that's what," Kanda snapped back and continued to fill out his formal application to join his club.

He still felt a pang of regret, even though it truly was none of his business. He was the only one who knew why Allen was wearied and worn with black circles and losing weight quicker than Kanda could eat. Sometimes his makeup would be a little off, sometimes he just missed one spot. What probably pissed him off the most is how blatantly he'd lied to Kanda, to everyone in particular; he was just so good at it, convincing everyone that he was fine as if it was a practiced art. It probably was, but Kanda's tolerance for untrustworthy people was low.

Of course, Allen had no reason to trust him with how secretive he was. Damn it.

"Hey, look, Lenalee's coming back over!"

* * *

><p>Allen stepped out onto the roof and looked around in awe. Sitting atop the roof, there was a garden build from the ground up, with ivy and roots and all shades of green snaking around arbors that arched over him and shaded the grey morning. Greenery overtook the entire roof, creating a space filled with all types of flowers and fauna that lit up the greens with pops of bright color. Mostly roses, he noted, coated the entranceway to the arbor roofed room. The inside of the hollow was filled with little flower boxes that held strange black roses and some sort of white puff-ball looking flower he couldn't name.<p>

"It's beautiful," he breathed out while looking around.

"Not quite what you'd expected, I assume," he said sweetly as Allen's eyes shined.

"With a stranger taking me up to a suspicious roof, what am I supposed to assume," Allen joked as he carefully touched the walls of the giant den.

"Oh yes, you're going to join our cult now," Tyki replied. Allen blinked nervously and looked over at Tyki, straight-faced, in horror.

"Wait, are you guys actually the satanic club that hit me with the paper airplane? Even if my face looks deceiving, I swear I'm don't have anything to do with-"

"Oh, goodness no, Allen, I was kidding. You're thinking of the rather unsavory group down on the first floor." Tyki stood next to Allen and delicately touched one of the dark roses, before looking back at Allen. _What does he expect out of me?_

"Why exactly did you bring me up here, Tyki?"

"This roof is actually a simulation room. One of Komui's recent projects I assume, I accidentally chanced upon it one afternoon during lunch. It's designed to create whatever the first person who walks in wants it to be. I guess I was just curious about what the inside of your mind was like," he said without skipping a beat.

Allen's face had a mix of terror and wonder written all over it, and apparently his reaction was amusing enough to make Tyki laugh. He took a look around again; _was this really something he thought up? It was so plain and simple, but all he'd been wanting all day was some peace and quiet._ Suddenly he noticed that inside the arbor was a piano, something he hadn't played in years.

"This room changes, you know, almost every time you visit. If Komui knew I found out about this place he'd probably throw a fit," He added in amusement. Tyki curiously watched Allen walk over to the piano and added, "Oh, do you play?"

"I haven't in years," Allen replied quietly. He was still in shock at the fact a room like this existed, no wonder Lenalee said to stay away from the science department. They actually knew what they were doing.

"Go on, play something then!" Instead of arguing, Allen sat down on the smooth wooden chair and looked over the piano.

The keys were smooth and polished like glass, almost vibrating beneath his touch. He placed his fingers on them nervously;_ how did this go again?_ It took him a few seconds to remember a melody, but after a couple of keys his hands moved flawlessly across the board. The haunting melody filled the air within the room, somber and delicate like a spider's web. It sliced through the silence with soft and subtle notes, picking up into a chorus that reminded him of the night sky and twinkling stars. It was like a lullaby a mother would sing to her stillborn child, full of tears and misery and wasted love. It reminded him of crashing waves on a gloomy beach, but most of all, it reminded him of Mana.

_Mana?_

He stopped playing and snapped out of his music induced trance; the garden somehow changed to a rocky shore without him noticing, with an overcast that chilled him to the bone. A little embarrassed that he'd gotten so caught up in playing, he stepped away from the piano.

Tyki gave a slow clap and replied, "I am truly in awe, Allen Walker. That was beautiful."

"Come by my cousin's house-warming party next weekend. And by housewarming, I mean he's out-of-town, and he just bought a mansion. It's not black tie, either, so don't give me that look," Tyki taunted when Allen's face went a few shades paler. He'd never been to a party, much less a mansion.

"Bring along the three, too; maybe they'll end up warming up to me after all. Maybe you will, too." Tyki set an invitation in Allen's frozen hand.

"I hope to see you there, Allen Walker. Feel free to enjoy the weather up here as long as you'd like. Although it looks like the sky is taking a turn for the worse." He held out a glove, and sure enough, a few raindrops began to fall, soaking his glove in small circles. And just like that he was gone, leaving Allen bewildered and alone, with rain starting to soak into his skin and the crashing waves behind him. When he opened his palm, he realized that there was not only an invitation, but a key, too. A key to the roof.

* * *

><p>"Eh? Sure, I guess, as long as it's not too much work," Allen replied while signing his name on a rather unofficial looking piece of paper.<p>

"Told you he wouldn't care."

"You are a life saver, Allen! Metaphorically and literally!" Lavi said while hugging him a little too tightly. Allen shied away and winced in pain, but Lavi failed to notice.

"Don't get too excited Lavi," Lenalee said as she handed him another form.

After a few seconds of skimming over the paper he looked back up and yelled, "Fieldwork? ONCE a month? Lenalee, you can't be serious!"

"What's fieldwork?" Allen asked as he took a look at the paper._ Proof of club activity: Footage, written report of all details, including time date and members present, and a bodyguard for Lenalee at all times._

"Bodyguard for Lenalee?" Allen murmured in confusion.

"Basically, we have to actually go on ghost hunts once a month," Lenalee said in complete and utter defeat.

"I quit," Kanda said immediately as the words left her mouth.

"Too late, Yuu. You already put your signature on the form, and failure to comply to your club's rules results in a detention," Lavi replied matter-of-factly.

Allen sighed as Kanda started yelling at Lavi for getting him roped into this and opted to admire the dark, stormy night. He loved storms and most unusual weather in general, but he knew he wasn't going to enjoy it as much while walking home. The rain was battering the windows mercilessly, and he could hear it washing off the roof. For as violent as the weather was, it sure did sound pretty from the light tapping on the roof.

"Hey, Allen, what's that fancy piece of paper you've got in your hand?" Lenalee asked.

"Oh, I almost forgot! Tyki invited me to a party, and wanted you all to come along, too," Allen said cheerfully.

Everything went silent. If there could've been a tumbleweed in the cafeteria, it would definitely roll past the entire group at this moment. Lenalee's face paled as she continued to read the paper.

"Why would we hang out with that bastard?" Kanda was the only one to say what was written on all three of their faces.

"What do you have against Tyki?" Allen and Kanda still hadn't been on good terms since the other night; it only seemed to create worse tension between the two.

"Did he specifically mention us?" Lavi asked quietly when the paper was passed to him.

"Yeah, he definitely wanted you guys to come. He's not that bad of a guy, you know! We only have to stay for an hour or so, just long enough to be polite," Allen added.

"Not that bad of a guy? What do you actually know about him?" Kanda yelled back.

"What is your problem Kanda? You can't believe everything you hear! You don't even know him!"

"And you don't either!"

Lenalee and Lavi backed off as their argument grew more and more heated. Kanda and Allen were plain out fighting at this point, taking no mercy as they tried to pin the other to the ground and punch each others' face in.

"If he mentioned us, there's nothing we can really do," Lenalee whispered while watching Kanda take a direct hit to the face. Allen laughed in victory, only to be kicked in the stomach.

"I guess that's true. Hey, Lenalee, do you actually know how old Allen is? He doesn't seem like the type to party, much less old enough _to_ party," Lavi whispered back as Allen's feet were swept out from under him. He cried out in fear, but before hitting the ground, managed to knock Kanda over too.

She looked at him in surprise; she actually had no clue.

"Eh, Allen?" Lavi called out him. Allen and Kanda paused in the middle of their wrestling match and looked over at the pair hiding a little ways off.

"How old are you, exactly?" Lenalee asked. Kanda abruptly stopped trying to pin Allen down and glanced suspiciously at him, too.

Silence.

"F-fifteen," he finally admitted.

That was the closest Allen had ever seen Kanda come to laughing, and he smirked while getting off of Allen. Lavi started shaking his head in laughter, and Lenalee just blushed in embarrassment.

"H-hey! It's not like I can help it!" He yelled back in humiliation. He tried to wipe all the dust from his clothes and rolled his eyes when the three tried to hold in their laughter. _What am I supposed to do, magically get older?!_

"No wonder you're such a shortie. Whatever, we aren't going to any party. You shouldn't either, for God's sake, you're not even old enough to drive!"

"I am not short! And my name is Allen! And since when do you make decisions for me?"

"Don't start this again you two," Lenalee yelled as Kanda prepared to jump Allen again.

Kanda's expression tightened, his hand twitched, and he glared Allen down. When Allen refused to break the staring contest, he let out a typical, "Tch," and stomped off. Allen looked back at the other two, who fearfully watching the argument go down from behind a table.

With a sigh and drooping of his shoulders, he brushed off Kanda's foul mood and said, "So, if we have to do a monthly report, and the month is technically over Sunday, then-"

"We're gonna have to go one a ghost hunt this weekend," Lavi finished in despair.

"I'll start looking up sources and making calls. Here, Allen, give me your number; I'll text you on Saturday and tell you what I can figure out," Lenalee said.

After reciting out the numbers to both Lavi and Lenalee, Allen said, "I've got to get home before this storm gets any worse. See you both tomorrow!"

"So much for cheering up Allen. At this rate, he's gonna turn into Kanda."

* * *

><p>Allen stepped out from the front doors of the school and immediately shivered as the rain started to soak into his clothes. <em>Damn it, I'd hoped to be home before it got dark.<em>

"You really walking all the way home in this?" He turned around and noticed Kanda, standing nearby and looking up as darker storm clouds approached.

"What are you still doing here? I thought you'd already gone home to pout." Allen began walking away again; he was running out of energy to fight Kanda with, whether it be words or fists._  
><em>

"It's not safe!" Kanda yelled angrily.

"Nice of you to care, Kanda, but I'll be fine," Allen said sarcastically as he continued to walk off. Suddenly there was a sharp tug at his arm and Kanda jerked him back. He was staring at him intensely, not with anger for once, but a grim expression that was a little too serious for Allen's taste.

"Can I help you?" Allen ripped his arm back from Kanda's vicegrip._ How are you supposed to deal with people like this?_

"I was just going to tell you," he paused for a moment and then curtly continued, "that your makeup is washing off."

Allen felt the blood drain from his face as Kanda's words sunk in. Last night hadn't exactly gone that well between him and Cross; he knew there was a nasty black eye hiding beneath the thin sheet of makeup he wore. And his cheek was bruised, too, from the other night, and….

Neither he nor Cross tried to fix the crumbling relationship; they didn't even talk anymore. Allen took care of amounts scribbled on notes; Cross put food in the fridge. It was a symbiotic relationship of passive aggressive tradeoffs. Except it wasn't so much the passive part and was more the latter. Things hadn't ever been this bad before.

He turned away from Kanda and tried to hide his face while muttering, "It's not that bad." It wasn't bad enough for him to scorn the only roof over his head. He doubted it would get much worse; Cross cared enough to keep him around, so he'd come to his senses eventually.

"Not that bad," Kanda almost sounded as if he was going to laugh as he repeated Allen's words. He pulled at Allen's arm again and forced him to face him, anger building as he looked at his marred face. "I could tell when I was sparring with you earlier that you're bruised all over. The other two may be too damn stupid to see through your excuses, but you're certainly running out of them."

"I didn't bother you about your encounter in the alleyway, Kanda, so maybe you should return the favor. Besides, it'll blow over in a week or two," Allen muttered in response. There was a crack of thunder, followed by a flash of lightning, and then the rain started pouring. If Kanda hadn't stopped him he might have been able to avoid this.

"Don't walk home in this, no, don't go home to _that_. Go sleep over at Lavi's dorm," Kanda said fiercely.

"You can't tell me what to do, BaKanda," Allen replied nonchalantly while walking away.

"What did you just call me, no forget it, you damn idiot! Can't you tell everyone is worried about you?" He yelled back as Allen continued to walk off. Allen tensed up but didn't turn around, and Kanda clenched his fists tightly before stomping off toward his dorm.

_ This must be what it's like to be on the other side of an argument with me_, he thought bitterly as he slammed his door.

He fell into bed in an angry huff and begrudgingly took his phone off the nightstand. Four texts from Lenalee, two missed calls, two voicemails, and a couple missed texts from numbers he hadn't bothered to save.

**Lenalee: 1-423-322-9097**

**Lenalee: *That's Allen's number just incase we get separated tomorrow night**

**Lenalee: Try not to be so mean to him, okay, Kanda? **

**Lenalee: And learn how to txt back!**

He threw his phone aside and scowled into his pillow. _It's not like I want to be, damn it._

* * *

><p><strong>(Thank you views, followers, and especially reviewers. The positive feedback I've gotten so far is so wonderful and sweet and makes me feel all nice :) you guys are the best!)<strong>


	6. Drinking Never Ends Well

**Letting you know beforehand, this chapter has some serious violence and blood and everything that goes along with that. If you aren't okay with that, I suggest skimming the first half or so. **

* * *

><p>Slamming the door behind him, Allen gritted his teeth and headed straight for the stairs. <em>Kanda thinks he just knows everything, doesn't he? Just because I'm short he can treat me like- no, I'm not even short! Damn it, he's just tall! Why is he even in my business?<em>

Questioning why Kanda had bothered him so much recently was a regular thought at this point. Worrying wasn't Kanda's forte, so why'd he pick up the habit all of a sudden? It was all a little too suspicious for Allen's taste.

"You're getting water all over the floor, idiot. Why the hell are 'ya home so late?" The storm picked up into severe thunderstorm weather mid-way on his walk home and there wasn't an inch of him not soaked and frozen over.

"Got caught up in the storm," Allen muttered while trying to get away as fast as possible. I need a shower, a couple painkillers, and some sleep. Thinking about his warm bed was enough to soothe his anger.

"Allen."

"What?" Allen asked in an exasperated tone and looked over to see Cross in the kitchen, not even glancing in his direction. He was searching through the fridge for something, which Allen could only come to the plausible solution of more alcohol.

"What's got you so mad?" Cross asked without turning around. _That's all he stopped me for?_ Allen didn't bother replying and turned for the stairs once more. If this was his poor attempt at an apology then it could wait until Allen dried off.

"Wait," Cross repeated, cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He looked like a wreck, which was strange; the man never neglected his own personal care. But his hair was a tangled and unbrushed mess, and he wasn't dressed up in the least. Worst of all, he was being nice.

"What can I help you with now?" Allen said with a sigh. He was sick of the fighting.

"When did you turn into such a brat? Whatever, I need you to go down to the store down the block and get me another bottle of-" A boom of thunder cut off his words and shook the house in unholy tremors. The lights flickered for a moment, but decided to stay on much to Allen's relief.

"You can't be serious."

Cross walked rather ungracefully over and put some money in his hand. Allen winced from the smell of straight whiskey coming off him; he never usually drank hard liquor, but his slurred speech was enough proof. _Something is off. Something is definitely wrong,_ Allen thought while staring up at drunken face.

"Don't be a baby. It'll only take ten minutes, besides, it's important." Another crash of thunder, and the lightning that followed lit up the insides of the house in a bright white.

Allen started to protest, but Cross took his free hand and slapped him across the mouth, leaving his mouth agar and lip bleeding. _So it's a no on the apology then. _

Instead of getting mad like usual, Allen just laughed out loud and mocked, "If only Mana could see you now, Cross! I'm sure he'd be so pleased with what you've done with your life!"

He knew he sounded like a brat; he knew he took it too far. In that moment, the look of shock on Cross's face was worth whatever came after. He'd just won this argument, and all the ones before, and all the ones after. They both treaded carefully around that name, but Allen didn't care anymore. Tonight was just a push too far; Cross could take care of his own alcoholic self.

No, he miscalculated this win; this was a grand defeat for Allen, which only took him seconds to realize as he cringed at Cross's reaction.

He watched Cross raise the wine bottle, still with quite a bit left in it, and instantly swing the bottle right back down. There was a clap of light that illuminated the room just as the impact of the darkened glass smashed against Allen's skull. It wasn't the pain that first hit him, but his ears resounded with the sound of shattered glass. The room started spinning with reckless abandon and he collapsed down to the floor in a hazy state of somewhat consciousness, somewhat unconsciousness.

There was searing pain in his right arm. Wait, the right one? He couldn't tell what was going on; everything was a blackened, hazy, and confused mess within his crashing thoughts. The power must've gone out with the last bolt of lighting because his vision was so impaired.

Without warning, the pain in his right arm intensified and he could feel his flesh was being ripped apart, like a dull knife scraping down to the bone along his arm. The scraping against the bone sounded like nails on a chalkboard, and his screams soon reverberated louder than the thunder.

Cross didn't even seem angry, and the only thing he said was,

"Mana never loved you, Allen."

"Liar," Allen managed to mumble out as his wounds started to overtake his ability for rational thought.

"Deny it all you want, but he used you. Even with his dying words, he wasn't speaking to you. Mana was speaking through you. Disfigured and pathetic, I still took you in against my will because of that damned man."

"Liar!"

"All because of,"

Cross stopped mid-sentence and Allen heard something crack, and he screamed until he was swept up beneath a sea of shadows.

* * *

><p>Allen slowly woke up, but his body was moving a lot quicker than his thoughts were processing the chain of events. When he looked around, glass fell from his head and shoulders and onto the bloody ground around him. The bittersweet smell of sour wine covered him; what happened? Whose blood was that?<p>

Ah. That's mine.

A little surprised to be alive, he immediately made the decision to escape the kitchen massacre and head upstairs.

He managed to pull himself up off the ground and flipped a shaky finger against the light switch. _No good, the power is still out_, he thought when nothing happened. The storm was still raging outside, and there was a boom, a bright flash, and most visibly, blood.

He only got a glance at where he'd passed out when the flash erupted from the window, and from the wall down was stained in spatters of red and purple. Wine and blood, he surmised from the metallic and sour smell. His clothes were still soaking wet from his walk home and painted a black and morbid color. He fell against the wall accidentally tripping over his own feet, sudden dizziness overtaking him. _I need to make it upstairs before I pass out again._

Walking was a slow and painful process, if this unsteady tottering was still considered walking. He kept missing steps and each fall made it harder to get up. Leaning up against the wall for support, he staggered up the stairs and looked down the hall. There were candles lining the walls and floor leading to Cross's room, and the door was somewhat ajar so that he could slightly see in.

When he peeked in a little closer, Cross was kneeling over a bench, holding a rosary over his head and muttering something that sounded like a prayer or incantation. He heard Mana's name in the incoherent prayers, but decided against getting anywhere near Cross. Smearing a trail of nasty colors against the wall with the arm he used to hold himself up, he finally made it back to his room.

He collapsed in the middle of the floor in a cold and hazy heap. Moonlight was coming in through the blinds; did that mean the storm was clearing up? No, he could still hear soft rain, tapping gently at the roof. It was calming and he was so tired, in fact, more tired than he'd been in his whole life.

However, searing pains were keeping him awake; his head felt cracked open, he wouldn't be surprised if it was, but worse, there was pain shooting up through both of his arms. He pulled up both of his bloodied sleeves, only to run into the bathroom in attempt to stop from puking on the floor, at least._  
><em>

He was throwing up, maybe from the sight of the state he was in, or maybe from the pure pain and terror running through his veins. All that was coming out of him was blood and bile, but he couldn't stop from heaving into the toilet. This was terrible, awful; this was worse than it'd ever been. He didn't even know where to begin with trying to fix this situation much less move from this spot.

A small, soft ringtone started chiming from his pocket momentarily pulled him away from the horror. He wiped off his mouth with an equally bloody sleeve and tried to look at the screen, but the phone was so bright compared to his surroundings it blinded him for a moment. Eventually he could make out the message popping up. It was an incoming call from a number he didn't recognize.

He ignored it for a moment and used the light from the screen to look at his wounds. _Don't throw up, don't throw up, it isn't that bad, it isn't that bad, you're all right Allen, you're all right_.

But he knew this one wasn't a "fixer upper". He knew that he wasn't all right. Whatever sensation he'd been feeling in his arm before he blacked out was highlighted in a long and deep gash ripped straight down his forearm. His best guess was the glass from the broken bottle was thrust into his skin, right next to the joint in his elbow, and dragged down to his wrist while tearing open his flesh. It had to be glass, because the line that ripped open his skin was ripped and jagged. However, right at the wrist where the serrated line stopped, a horizontal line cross-haired with it. The one across his wrist was a clean line, he realized,_ there was a method to this madness_. This wasn't Cross's usual form of drunken stupor, this was something else entirely.

And might've been a truly murderous intent.

He could see the white of his bone through the bloody mess and hurled once again, shaking and shivering as he pulled away from the bowl. His other arm was a mess, due to the skin already being warped and distorted. Cutting through it obviously hadn't been easy; but the same pattern was harshly carved into it with the neatness of a kindergartener and a crayon.

The phone continued to buzz, and he decided to answer it. Who was going to be the lucky caller to hear his last words? _The call was probably only a prank from someone who got a hold of his number_, he assumed. After answering the phone, there was a long silence.

"Yeah?" Allen said, in a stronger voice than he'd expected to come out of him. He held the phone out for light and lifted up his arm; blood was dripping out still, like a leaking faucet. If he didn't do something there was a high chance he was going to bleed out. No, he _was_ going to bleed out if he didn't do something.

"Is that really how you answer the phone?"_ Well, well, well, look at the infamous Kanda Yuu calling him at three in the morning._ Turning his attention back to his arms, he tried to think through how much time had passed. If Cross had done this at around twelve, and he'd already been bleeding out for three hours, then he probably needed real medical treatment. But then again, why did he need to do anything?

"Why are you calling me at three in the morning?" While inspecting the marks, it became blindingly obvious that he couldn't think of a reason to stop the bleeding. There wasn't any sense of logic to continue doing this, day after day. God had forsaken him, or maybe offered him a chance at salvation with these cross-shaped marks.

"Are you, I mean, did you make it home okay? Are you okay?" Kanda sounded worried, and it made Allen uneasy. The last thing he wanted was to bother other people with his mess of a life. A burden from the beginning, to both Cross and Mana.

"Sheesh, what are you, my mother? Kanda I'm fine," he said as nonchalantly as he could. He fell to his side and laid his head against the cool tile.

It was freezing in this house with the power out, and he eyed his bed through the bathroom door. No, he came to the conclusion that he didn't want to die peacefully on his bed; that was surrendering altogether. But he still crawled over there and snatched a blanket falling off the side of the bed before he returned to his position of lying on the floor.

"Eh, Kanda, are you still there?" Allen asked while gently putting the phone on speaker and laying it on the floor next to his head.

"Yeah," he finally answered. _Why did he even call me? Does he have some sort of sixth sense?_

"Sorry for being such an asshole," Allen mumbled. Shouldn't be long now, he thought while watching the blood pool up on the tile around his arms.

"An apology from you? You must be delirious." He didn't like that apprehensive tone in Kanda's voice, it was almost like he could sense something was wrong. Since when did Kanda care about anyone? Had he been up all night worrying?

"Allen?"

"Allen!" Allen cracked one eye open and glared at his phone.

"Allen, answer me, damn it!" Why wouldn't this bastard just let him sleep? Should he just tell Kanda to leave him alone, or just hang up all together? But that would mean the end. Hanging up was sealing his fate, and even though he'd already decided on doing that, going alone seemed even more morbid than the situation already was.

Kanda wasn't exactly his first choice when it came to someone to call in his dying moments, but it was certainly better company than the rain.

_Giving into Cross; what a way to go._

"Someone once told me," he paused and held up he left arm above him, looking at the horrible cross embedded in his hand. It's glowing, he noticed, illuminating the room with a weak green light right through the blood covering it. To be honest, he had no idea what the cross actually was or meant; it'd just been a birth defect, he assumed. Maybe some sort of childhood trauma he'd forgotten; good, the past should stay where it belongs. The past.

"To keep moving forward," he continued. Speaking of the past, his thoughts circled back to Mana, and Cross's words. _Speaking through me? Mana, what would you have me do?_ The want for answers was gnawing at him, but he knew that it'd be impossible to pull anything out of Cross.

"If you're in trouble, tell me, damn it. I can come and-"

His left eye started watering up, but when he touched his face, it wasn't tears he was crying out; it was blood.

Suddenly a figure emerged from the darkness, bending over to look at Allen's horrible state while smiling. Dressed up in full clown attire with a painted on grin, Mana stood there plain as day. That was how he looked when Allen first met him, quite contrary to his gentlemanly stature upon his death. "Mana," he whispered as he reached out to the figure. His hand passed through the illusion, and the clown disappeared just as quickly as he'd appeared. Just before he evaporated into the darkness, he mouthed something unrecognizable.

"Wait," Allen called out weakly while still grasping at thin air, but it was too late. He was gone.

"Who are you talking to? Are you sure you don't want me to-" Allen's eyes widened; if he really could see and speak to ghosts, then Mana could exist. Mana was here.

"Don't," Allen said sternly while giving his best shaky effort to sit up. Mana was enough of a reason for stopping the blood loss. There was no way he was giving up this easily, not after how far he'd already come. Not to Cross, not to anyone.

First things first, he planned out how to treat this disaster of a wound. He needed to cut off the blood flow to his arm so he could treat it better, but to do that, he needed a rope, or a strip of fabric, or- _ah._ He pulled his ribbon from around his neck and tied it as tightly as possible just above the joint.

Crawling over to the sink and rummaged through the bottom cabinet, he found what he needed: disinfectants, gauze, and tape. It occurred to him how much blood he was losing with every passing moment. Was it already too late? There were pools of black reflecting the shimmering moonlight all over the floor in his bedroom and bathroom.

"Kanda, stay on the phone, would you? I need a distraction," Allen said, trying not to think about it, and then put his phone on mute.

He held his arm over the sink and opened up the bottle of disinfectant. Looking away, he liberally poured the burning substance over the wound until he couldn't stand it any longer and dropped the bottle in pain. The second the liquid entered his cuts he started crying out; it stung so bad that he was tearing up. Once the white foam dissipated from the wound he gritted his teeth and started bandaging it up as quick as possible; the first layer of gauze was already stained red.

"Huh? What do you want me to say?" Damn it, his vision was giving out on him. He should've cut the suicidal crap earlier; it was already too late.

He held himself up and fought against the urge to pass out. _No, it's not too late. I'll make it through this._

He tapped the mute button off, leaving blood on the screen accidentally, and in the calmest voice he could muster, he replied, "Anything, really. Tell me a story. Something about you, or something interesting you heard. Anything."

He couldn't tell what Kanda was saying, but the noise helped him finish his right arm up. He untied the ribbon and knotted it on his left arm so that he could work on the next wound. The smell of alcohol and rust was overpowering his senses, but before he could talk himself out of it, he grabbed the bottle of disinfectant and poured it on the other wound. He was cursing like a sailor and hissing through clenched teeth, but this wound wasn't as deep as the other due to the impossibility of cutting through his distorted skin.

"Allen, what the hell is going on? Forget it, I'm just coming over anyway," Kanda yelled. Did he forget the mute button?

"You'll only make things worse, Kanda. Just," Allen faltered as he fell against the sink in a dizzy spell, "I just need your voice. Do me this favor, and you can beat me up all you want tomorrow." He wasn't just doing this for Mana; it was for Kanda too. And Lavi and Lenalee's smiling faces; how could he just give up on them all? Making Kanda worry this much hurt him a little more than it should've; he couldn't imagine being on the other end of the phone call.

"Don't put the mute button back on then, jackass. I need to be able to tell if you're dead or not. And let me tell you something, dumbass, if you don't answer every question I ask you tomorrow, I will-" He started in on a whole list of colorful death threats, some in Japanese, and Allen only laughed in response. After finishing up his left arm, he fell back down to the floor as the light-headedness stole his ability to sit up. Wrapping the bloodstained blanket around him, he realized how comfortable everything had suddenly become and felt himself drifting off.

"Thank you," Allen said softly. Now he just had to avoid freezing to death.

"Allen," Kanda paused mid-sentence. Allen knew Kanda was someone who never hesitated, and the pure strain in his voice cut like glass through the air.

"Will I ever see you again?"

"I sure hope so," Allen said softly in his delirium.

"Goodnight, Kanda."

"Goodnight, Allen."

* * *

><p>He woke up to the rattle and buzz of the floor; his phone was going off, urgently trying to wake him up. Caller ID: Lenalee?<p>

He answered almost immediately, but his voice was hoarse and his throat was torn apart. It took him a couple of seconds to actually force words out. "Hey, Lenalee. What's up?"

"Really? You think you can simply 'What's up?' me when I've tried to get a hold of you for the whole day?!"

Allen blinked sleepily at his phone; five missed calls from Lenalee alone.

"Sorry, I was away from my phone," He replied in probably the most flimsy excuse possible.

She could hear her muttering something angry to someone off the phone, either Lavi or Kanda, and then turned her attention back to Allen. "Can you meet us at that old church in an hour or so? If you leave now you can get some coffee with us. It's going to be a long night, but I think it'll be fun!"

"An hour?" He looked down at all the blood covering him, but mostly at his arms. The power wasn't back on, but it was a little brighter than it had been last night. Something he wasn't thankful for; the sight of it alone left him gagging.

"Yeah, sure, I'll meet you at the church. Got to go, Lenalee! Sorry!" Without waiting for a response he hung up.

After waking up, he forgot about the mess he'd created everywhere. It would take a couple of bottles of bleach to even make a dent in this red and black hued mess. This was worse than a battlefield, no, it was a hell-scape of blood and wine.

He couldn't shower with his arms in this state, so he started filling the bath with cold water and stripped off his bloody clothing, neatly folding it next to the blanket he'd ruined. There wasn't any hot water with the power out, unfortunately, and in retrospect it would probably burn any cuts he had on him anyway. As he picked through his closet with shaky hands, he realized losing all that blood did a number on him. Was it really such a good idea to agree to ghost hunting all night?_ Too_ _late now,_ he assumed_, I promised those idiots I'd be there._ This thick sweater, and these dark jeans should be fine.

_Besides, I want to see them._

After laying out his outfit on the only clean section of the sink, he slid his sore muscles into the bath. Sleeping on the floor was not one of his greatest ideas. While scraping off the stains spattered on his skin, he suddenly realized he'd slept until six in the evening. But he was alive.

He was alive.

As he started rubbing shampoo in his hair, silent tears started slipping out of the corners of his eyes and the salty mixture burnt the cuts on his face. Real tears, not the bloodied ones from last night, were dripping out. But he couldn't control his outburst of tears; he was alive. And there was hope, a small glimmer of hope that he may get to talk to Mana again.

While sitting in the icy numbing water, he carefully re-bandaged his wounds, cursing and yelling his way through the process. Not wasting any time in the frigid water, he hopped out, pulled the drain plug, and changed into his warm clothes. Red hued water swirled down the drain in a tornado of last nights agony. Best to leave last night down the drain, he decided.

The house even colder than it was last night, and he lit a few candles so he could see his face in the mirror. His hands shook as he liberally wiped on the makeup, trying to carefully pat out the scratches to look normal. After his poor attempt at trying to fix his face, he opened his cabinet full of magical cures. A couple of these painkillers, some of these anxiety meds, maybe a couple of those in that unmarked bottle will help me stop shaking. _This is so stupid_, he thought,_ Kanda is totally going to notice._

Kanda. He'd almost forgotten Kanda's lucky phone call last night. Checking the time, he realized he had no time to reminisce on their poor attempt at conversation.

Only stopping to lock the door behind him, he chased after the dimming rays of sunlight.

However, a horrible wave of dizziness stopped his attempt at a five second anime montage all the way there and he slowed down his pace. The walk gave him just enough time to realize that he'd promised Kanda answers to questions he couldn't even answer. _Too late now,_ he thought in fear. _I'm screwed._

* * *

><p>"Oh, Lenalee, you didn't have to," Allen said in surprise as she held out an extra cup of coffee for him.<p>

"We've all got to stay up together, Allen. Can't have you falling asleep on us!" Lavi said as he started chugging another energy drink.

"Thanks," he said warmly, and took a sip. She was truly an angel; his sore throat tasted like blood and toothpaste. This coffee was his only fuel in the past day or two; _when had he last eaten exactly?_ Unable to pinpoint a day, he just thankfully sipped the hot liquid instead.

"You're not going to sleep for days if you don't stop drinking those," Lenalee said falteringly in Lavi's direction as she watched him finish it off.

"Eh Where's Kanda?" Allen asked.

"Inside setting up cameras. But Allen, steer clear of Yuu today. He's on a warpath for no clear reason," Lavi whispered in fear. Allen laughed nervously but his heart sank when he thought what Kanda was going to say when he saw him.

"Where'd we get equipment?" Allen asked incredulously. The church was pretty big; he wondered how many cameras they needed. Maybe that feeling he'd gotten the first day had something to do with a ghost.

"Our amazing little secretary here managed put all this together overnight. I'd be cleaning up after school if it wasn't for her," Lavi said while hugging Lenalee. She just laughed and brushed off his compliments. Watching everyone so riled up and excited relieved some of the hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach, but this place still put him on edge.

Even after all the medicine he took, his arms were throbbing and the pain was still gnawing at the back of his mind. He looked up at the sky; the sun was long gone with twilight settling in. Along with some nasty storm clouds.

"Eh, you guys that doesn't look so good," Allen said while pointing at the menacing sky.

"Let's not waste any more time, you two! Into the church we go!" Lenalee said excitedly while ignoring Allen and sped off through the old wooden doors with Lavi chasing after her.

Once inside the creaky entrance, they all flipped on their flashlights and looked around. The main thing Allen noticed was how decrepit it was; no one had been in here in years, in fact, even their footprints showed up on the ground as they disrupted the layers of dust. He looked straight ahead and noticed a dozen or so rows of pews, and a raised altar at the end. There was a stained glass window, which had boarded up holes and random cracks lining the pane.

There were two sets of stairs in the same main room that led up to a loft, and two halls that branched off to the left and right from the small balcony. Those halls probably weren't that long, maybe only containing a room or two on each side. It would be easy to cover the entire church.

"So are we sticking together this time?" Allen chirped, already knowing the answer was a yes. They obviously wouldn't split up again after the horror of their last ghost hunt.

"No. What ghost would come up to us if we had a giant group moving around?" His cheery mood soon faded into depression and his face soured at the thought of getting stuck with the scared Lavi.

"So, I'll be sticking with Lenalee. Because, let's face it Allen; you're a walking magnet for ghosts," Lavi said nervously.

"Which means I'm with," he stopped as loud boots thumped down the creaky steps.

_Kanda._

* * *

><p><strong>Last order of business: My vague questions! What will Kanda say? What the hell is Cross's problem? And most of all, is the church haunted?<strong>

**Leave a review, even if it's just yelling at me, because let's face it, I deserve it.**


	7. Churches Always Seem to Be Haunted

"Cameras are all set up."

Kanda swiftly descended the stairs to come meet the group. He was wearing his typical black boots with even darker pants tucked in, and a white jacket that wrapped itself around him. It appeared tight around the waist but still comfortable; it wasn't exactly how Allen expected Kanda to dress, but in an odd sense it suited him.

This was one of those rare times Allen wasn't finely dressed, but his usual clothes didn't fit him at this point. Plus, the rest are covered in blood.

"We'll take the second floor!" Lavi said excitedly and started running up the stairs while dragging an uncertain Lenalee along.

"Wait, Lavi!" Allen beckoned for Lavi to stop on the balcony area. "What are we supposed to do, exactly?"

"Séance! Voice Recorders! Word Generator Devices! Everything you need is in that bag on the pew over there!" And with that, the pair disappeared, leaving behind a swirl of dust and the unbearable tension Kanda was creating. Allen looked over at Kanda, who was just as annoyed as he was at the fact they were just ditched. After a few seconds of uncomfortable eye contact, Allen decided that the silent treatment was probably better than whatever Kanda actually wanted to say.

He decided to take a look around before any of the equipment came out. They didn't have too much ground to cover; in fact, it was just one giant room. Granted, it stretched a ways back, but it was nowhere near as complicated as the catacombs of the school basement.

He flashed his light under, over, and around the long line of pews. Finding nothing but more dust and cobwebs, he looked around at the walls. Ripped paintings of biblical scenes, old dressers with broken religious figures sitting atop, and most of all, the boarded up and cracked stained glass windows were the main highlights. The foreboding altar at the end was the main highlights of the room. The arched ceiling, partly blocked out by the balcony that led to the upper halls, looked as if it could easily cave in, with random pieces of rotting wood hanging loose. Rain seemed to find its way in one way or another, and there were little puddles from the dripping roof that he slipped in once or twice.

When he finally made it to the end of the room, he peered behind the altar and noticed an opened bible on top of the podium. Upon closer inspection, he realized the pages were blank. The pages stirred up dust and almost crumbled beneath his fingers as he flipped through them to look for any writing. But even with empty contents, the cover proclaimed that it was the Holy Bible: King James Version.

"Kanda, come look at this," Allen said as he made sure to get the empty bible on his camera._ He's got to participate one way or another, whether he likes it or not._ Without a word, Kanda sauntered over to where Allen was, boots slightly splashing one of the puddles, and glanced over the bible himself. After flipping through a page or two, he took a picture of it for evidence and then stalked back off to wherever he was sulking. _Damn it,_ Allen thought, _This was probably worse than Kanda's outright anger.  
><em>

It only took an hour for Allen to already become disinterested with the once-spooky-now-boring church. He almost considered going to find out what Lavi and Lenalee were up to; anything to avoid this pure silence and tension filled air. Kanda disappeared up the stairs to mess with a camera pointed down the stairs for the past twenty minutes; Allen wouldn't be surprised if he was actually sleeping. Neither of them had said a word the entire time.

With a dejected sigh, Allen sat down at a pew and started fishing through the bag Lavi left. There was an extra camera, a voice recorder with a set of questions taped on them in Lenalee's handwriting, some other equipment he had no idea how to use, and searching deeper, he found a deck of cards and a board game. Putting aside the only interesting things, he took out the voice recorder and read off questions while waiting the standard 30-second pause. Nothing.

He tossed the recorder back in the bag and called out to Kanda in an attempt to make some sort of conversation._ Just yell at me already_.

"Hey, Kanda, do you want to play Ouija board with me?" When he only got Kanda's typical snort of contempt in response, he dejectedly carried the board behind the altar.

"Need some light," he mumbled while looking around the church. Sure enough, he found an unused candelabrum that had more dust than wax. That should help the eerie ambiance. He had to admit, as the night set in and the storm continued to pick up, the church was growing creepier with every passing moment. The only two things he had to cut through the velvet darkness were a weak flashlight and now this candle, since the moon would be no help behind the storm clouds.

Using a box of matches from inside one of the drawers, he lit the three candlewicks and then placed it on the floor next to him. When he lifted off the top of the box a cloud of dust rose up and coated his face. He sneezed and almost fell backward but managed to catch himself before tumbling into a rather large puddle.

"Bless you." Allen muttered thanks.

"Wait, So you'll bless me but you won't come play a lame board game with me?" Allen yelled over to Kanda who still looked half asleep on the stairs.

He glanced over at Allen through a cracked eye and said, "What?"

Allen looked over to his left and right; d_id the game draw a ghost's attention? Or was that just Kanda being Kanda?_ He stared down the box, almost afraid to touch it. Amidst a clash of thunder, he heard a voice again.

_Go ahead; take it out of the box._

Not wasting any time, he carefully lifted the board out and pushed the box aside. Excitement was starting to run down through his fingertips because something interesting was finally happening. _  
><em>

The pointer and board looked a little worn, but he could still make out the black inked letters upon the polished cherry wood. It had the alphabet written in the center, with the words "Yes" and "No" above the letters, and a number line below the letters. "Hello" and "Goodbye" were written on the left and right side.

_What are you supposed to say, exactly?_

"Hi, I'm Allen Walker," He said politely after putting his hand on the dial, deciding that a formal greeting was the best way to go. It only took a few seconds before his hands started shaking and the pointer almost threw him into the wall with the speed it moved. It abruptly stopped on the word,_ Hello._

Even if it was a childish board game, he made sure the camera up on the podium was positioned correctly so that you could see the entire board. This might be the only proof they find all night. Once everything was securely set up, he asked, "What is your name?"

There were a few moments of silence, and unease set in. What if this was a ghost like the one before? Escaping would be easier, of course, but it was still an undeniable variable. The board started shaking and came back to life. The same violent jerking movements threw him across the board.

"D-O-N-T."

"Don't," Allen recited as he spelled it out.

"R-E-M-M-B-E-R."

"Remmber? Did you spell remember wrong?" Allen muttered as he traced the way the pointer moved again. Suddenly it lurched over to the "Yes" position. At least this ghost is honest.

Before Allen could ask another question, he heard the thunder pick up once again, and the rain began pounding down on the roof of the church, so audible that he couldn't hear the shaking of the board.

With another rattling bang from the sky, the pointer sprung to life and started its wild rush around the board, unprompted by Allen.

"H-E-L-L."

"Hell?" Allen said meekly._ My hand feels hot._

"E-A-R-L."

Making sure he'd followed the letters correctly, he realized that the word was actually "Earl", but he couldn't make any sense of what it meant. His hand was burning at this point, but he was positive he was supposed to switch the Ouija board to "Good-Bye" before you took your hands off, or else evil spirits could come out. Whether that was true or not was something he didn't want to test.

"G-O-D."

"God?" Allen said curiously. The pointer only stopped for mere seconds, as if to indicate a space in the sentence.

"A-B-A-N-D-O-N-E-D."

"God abandoned," Allen stopped when he knew where this was headed. A lonely and bitter ghost probably hid back in these rafters, and his senses were starting to notice the drop in temperature along with the seething pain in his left hand.

The pointer jerked to the last two letters, "M" and "E", and Allen used all his force to push the pointer back to the "Goodbye" position and cried out in pain as his hand practically started to blister beneath his glove. Suddenly the wounds on his arm were beginning to burn on top of the pain they perpetually caused him all night.

He slightly pulled up his glove and inspected where the bandages stopped; his skin was a bright red and hot to the touch. The cross embedded in his hand radiated from beneath the fabric in a soft green glow. That's probably not a good sign. Frigid air surrounded him now, and whatever ghost's attention he'd finally gotten were not going to leave him alone with just a simple goodbye.

He glanced around while cursing and clutching his hand in pain before noticing a hole in the window that rain was attempting to break in through. Slipping off his glove, he stuck his hand out the window and into the rain. After the few seconds of relief, he distinctly felt something touching his fingers, and then his arm was promptly pulled through the hole in the window.

He yelped and snatched his arm from the foreboding grasp on the other side of the window, shakily slipping on his glove afterward. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped in his skin, falling backward when he slipped in a puddle.

* * *

><p>"Allen, cut it out!" Kanda said while grabbing onto his arm. <em>Damn it, I take my eyes off this kid for five seconds and he's trying to hop out a window.<em>

It was too late for Allen's poor balance and no matter how hard Kanda tugged on his arm, he still tumbled to the ground, drenching his clothes in the chilly rainwater. Kanda almost fell over, too, but kept his graceful posture and clothes clean of dust and water.

"Kanda, let go of me," Allen hissed in pain as his iron grip still clenched his wrist. Realizing he'd actually ended up hurting Allen in his attempt to save him, he immediately let go. All the dust that was stirred up left Kanda coughing and irritated at Allen's spooked antics.

"What's going on down here, idiot? Scared of a ghost?" Kanda said mockingly while bending down. Kanda could barely make out Allen's face from the light the candle, which he somehow managed to not knock over, and realized how much pain he was actually in.

Allen didn't answer and instead kept his eyes shut tight in pain; _what the hell had he done? No, it wasn't my fault for him falling. I didn't mean to scare him_. When Allen finally got over the first wave of pain and the throbbing in his arm started to go down, he looked up and noticed Kanda watched him the whole time.

Kanda looked over at the altar, hit the power button off on the camera and asked, "Care to explain?" _No more avoiding the bean sprout._ He needed answers, and had thought all night long on how to go about it, but couldn't seem to find a way to approach him._ Allen probably thinks I hate him._

"Just fell down funny, I guess," Allen said while struggling to stand._ When did he get so weak? He can barely stand. I need to just ask about last night, no more avoiding it._

"Not what I'm talking about. Damn it, come over here and sit down before you pass out," Kanda said while helping the stumbling Allen over to a pew. They sat down next to each other, and without asking for permission, Kanda pulled up Allen's right sleeve where he grabbed him earlier.

He winced and looked away at first; he could already see blood on the bandages that wrapped all the way around his forearm. So he did rip something open. Allen tried to pull the sleeve back down, but Kanda stopped him, making wary eye contact that said that he wasn't getting out of this one. Instead, he quietly lifted up the bandages a little trying to act as if he wasn't afraid of what was beneath. But this was terrifying, a feeling he wasn't accustomed with. This wound was a plain enough explanation for the fine line Allen walked last night between life and death.

"Damn it, bean sprout. This is awful," Kanda said as he finally noticed the cross shape stretching from the forearm to the wrist._ It's so harshly destroyed, oh God, is that white the bone beneath the cut?_ He gave up trying to keep a calm composure and pulled Allen's sleeve down for him, whose obvious discomfort lessened when the wound was covered.

"It's never been like this," Allen admitted in defeat. This was so strange, the two talking as if they were close friends. They'd been mortal enemies before last nights phone call, but now Kanda wasn't so sure about anything to do with him. Everything was a mess now, between the arguments and phone calls and how wrapped up in Allen's life he'd suddenly become. The uncertainty he felt when he thought of Allen in general was unsettling to say the least.

"What about your other arm?" Kanda asked suspiciously.

"It's the same," Allen muttered quickly but didn't let Kanda near it. He didn't obviously want to look at that mutilation again, so he didn't question Allen's unwillingness to show him.

"Did this happen before or after I called you?" Kanda asked, his words tinted with a bit of anger. The fact that Allen didn't trust him enough to ask for his help turned his concern to anger, but the thought of trust always circled back to Kanda's own hypocritical stance.

"Before, but-"

"Don't try to make an excuse for this! I thought you were dead today; I mean that. You wouldn't pick up the phone for Lenalee all day, and last night no matter how lighthearted you tried to act, I could tell how serious it was. Do you realize," he stopped yelling and tightened his fists, "do you realize how powerless it can make someone feel when they're on the other end of a phone call with someone dying?" No, he wasn't angry; he was genuinely hurt. He was hurt over someone who hadn't even existed in his head as a worthy acquaintance just days earlier.

"I'm sorry," Allen said quietly.

"Sorry? Are you apologizing for being mutilated?" _Damn that Cross. If I ever meet him again, I'll definitely rip his head off. The fact he can't even tell I'm worried just shows how little he's been cared for his entire life._

Kanda felt sick to his stomach when he realized that Allen would end up returning to that wretched house if he didn't do something. They'd all go over to that stupid rabbit's house for editing tonight, but what then?

* * *

><p><em>"Sorry to interrupt, but I couldn't help but to notice those lovely marks you've got on your arms."<em>

Allen blinked at Kanda in confusion, who still had the same look of pure anger and contempt and sadness. _No one's ever really cared for me. No, This isn't the same thing; he hates me, no, I bet he regrets even calling me. He isn't involved because he wants to be._

He jumped when he felt icy fingers on his skin and looked over at a now visible figure on the pew next to him. It only took a few seconds for the specter to morph from a white shadow into a full-fledged person._ In a jester outfit?_

"Exorcism marks, right? No," his sleeve rolled up by itself and the bandages lifted up, "reverse exorcism marks? Someone's been a naughty boy."

"E-excuse me?" Allen said through chattering teeth and trembling skin. These ghosts sure do sap the heat from the air. The man, or a boy rather, looked only about twenty years old, lean and dressed up as if he just came from a carnival. In a red and yellow striped jumpsuit with a three pointed hat adorned with little bells on it and the curled shoes, he matched the deck of cards portrayal perfectly.

"Oh, right, I forgot my introduction. I'm the guy from the board. Well, I was, until Mary took the cursor from me!" He grumbled that last part and Allen heard an off tune piano note from somewhere upstairs.

"Mary," Allen repeated dumbfounded. _There's more than one ghost here?_

"She just sits and cries at the piano, poor girl. Looks like she was only seventeen when she died, but the constant sobbing gets annoying after a decade though," he said matter-of-factly. The mannerisms of this ghost were a lot like a regular person, and he was so realistic that he could've easily fooled Allen like the little girl had.

He dramatically grabbed right through his chest and moaned, "Lost lovers separated by heaven and hell!"

"You're pretty laid back," Allen said while laughing nervously.

"Really? I'm just excited we have visitors. Especially during a storm!"

"Why does the storm matter?"

"You don't know much about this ghost business, do you?" The ghost said while looking at Allen curiously. He couldn't deny it; he hadn't actually believed in ghosts as a kid.

"Hey, angry Japanese kid, you should go upstairs and check on your friends. They're probably still crying," he said with a wink.

"You messed with Lenalee and Lavi?" Allen said a little more angrily than he should have.

"Hey, hey, don't get so angry! They weren't doing anything but eating snacks and playing on their phones. Begging for it, if you ask me. If you're going to visit a persons' house you should expect a little hospitality from the owner." Kanda, completely out of his league as Allen carried on a conversation with seemingly no one, went upstairs in an angry and confused huff.

The ghost yawned and got comfortable on the pew. "Lovely place, I've got here, huh? This church has been my home for about a century by now."

Allen couldn't imagine being stuck in one place for so long. "I don't understand exactly how you ended up like this. Or any ghosts for that matter."

He cracked his knuckles and stretched before starting what seemed to be an extremely long-winded explanation. "Being rooted here for so long has made me an aficionado in the study of ghosts, so lets start this lesson off with the creation of us horrible, paranormal creatures. As you can probably expect, not everyone ends up stuck in this state of limbo. Where you go afterward beats me; hopefully somewhere with more space."

"Back on topic, ghosts are basically souls chained to the earth for three main reasons. Either someone's will, whether it is a loved one or a desolate friend, keeps the "memory" of a person alive. Not sure what happens to the host who calls the soul back, though. Two, when a person dies with still such a ferocity for life, they end up being stuck in limbo and unable to accept their death. And lastly, there are the poor saps that haven't realized they've died and wander aimlessly in a dream world. I'm sure there are special cases, but not any I've encountered."

Allen wondered what exactly caused this ghost to be stuck here, but wasn't really sure how polite it was to ask how someone died. Might be a little too soon for that subject.

"Moving right along: types of spirits. You've got your weak folks, unable to even break out of the casket, who just moan and sob beneath the ground. Then, over time, the more resilient ghosts grow strong enough to move around and end up 'stuck' per say, in a certain localized area. For example, with a couple of decades under my belt, I'm a pretty strong ghost, something you might call a level two. The problem with resilient and localized spirits is that they take out their boredom on anyone nearby, often doing violent and nasty things. I just stick to harmless pranks for the poor ghost hunters who visit. And this eventually brings us to," he stopped for a moment and looked a bit remorseful.

"The people who go insane. Being a ghost isn't exactly a nice gig, and many are adopted by a man who goes by the name of the Millennium Earl. It's not even proper to call them a ghost anymore; I usually refer the wayward souls as demons or akuma. It's often the ones who have only been dead for a couple of days or weeks, unable to stand their horrible existence. Basically how it works, the decrepit souls who would do anything to escape this state of limbo make a deal with a devil and turn into monstrous machines hell-bent on destroying as many humans as possible until they run out of life energy and self destruct. The longer a spirits been around, the more power it develops. Some of us actually end up getting special abilities."

_The ghost in the basement wasn't very old, was it? The janitor only died a couple of weeks before, and his daughter even sooner. They wouldn't stand a chance against a real berserk ghost._

"Mary, the girl upstairs, is on the verge of losing her sanity. I wouldn't come back here if I were you."

"Isn't there anything I can do?"

"I've heard rumors of people called exorcists. Apparently they can free ghost's souls and send us straight on to the other side. Speaking of exorcists, I've got to say I'm curious about those marks you've got there. Trying to communicate to someone, right?" He started tracing Allen's scarred arm again.

"They weren't done by me," Allen muttered. _Would you please not do that?_ He thought uncomfortably as he got goosebumps from the icy touch.

"So someone used you as a catalyst. Do you see how these crosses are upside down to the viewer? That means that they reversed the energy flow from evil exiting the body and instead letting it in. Someone was trying to put a powerful ghost in you, man. What else happened?"

"Ah, he cracked a wine bottle over my head first," Allen said while grimacing at how ridiculous this situation was.

"Wine? Are you serious? Do you know what that means?" The ghost was beyond intrigued at this point and leaned in to get a better look at the curse mark on Allen's face. When Allen shook his head in a response no, the ghost sighed at his pure lack of knowledge.

"Wine represents the blood of Jesus Christ, you know, the churchgoers drink it every time they go and so on. It's almost as if you received a reverse baptism with wine as a substitute for holy water. Whoever did this meant business, and was conjuring a ghost of a higher caliber than I know of. This isn't something you do for a lost friend, this is going right behind the Earl's back," the ghost said nervously and drew back. Going around the Earl?

_If it wasn't for Mana, then who was it for?_

"At any rate, you've got a knack for seeing ghosts, huh? It probably has something to do with the curse embedded in your eye."

"You know something about my eye?"_ A curse?_ Kanda said something about a curse the first time he met him, too. _Which means Kanda knows more than he's letting on._

"Yeah, but," he stopped when there was a loud bang upstairs. There was a crescendo of off-key piano notes, followed by some ear-splitting shrieks.

"Here we go again," the ghost said while rolling his eyes.

"Again? Shouldn't we go try to help her?" Allen said sympathetically and stood up.

"She's like this every night. Why else do you think this place has a reputation of being haunted? I'll go check on her, but," he paused while grimacing, "it'd be better if you four left now. No telling when she'll go berserk. Mind you, she's got a good several years on her, and that's something you can't outrun."

He followed the ghost up the creaky stairs, almost putting his foot through a hole where a missing step should be. As soon as he stepped to the safety of the balcony, tremors overtook the entire building, shaking it to the very foundation.

"Not, good, Allen! Go now," the ghost yelled.

"I can't just leave Lenalee and Kanda and Lavi," Allen protested. The ghost chased after him as he ran down the hall to where he could hear the faint calls of the other three.

When he opened the door, the moonlit window illuminated a scene he could've never imagined. Vines and weeds were sprouting through floorboards and hanging down the ceiling, completely entangling the entire room. There were only hints of wallpaper behind the layers and layers of roots and vines, and when he looked back into the hall, he realized that it was spreading throughout the church.

"Kanda! Lenalee! Lavi!" Allen yelled when he noticed them on the far side of the barren room that only held a broken piano, which was slowly being engulfed into the system of plants. They were all tied up in twisted and mangled vines, each struggling in a different way. Lenalee was crying while the vines started to constrict her, Kanda was cursing in multiple languages and putting all his strength into forcing the vines back, while Lavi much more frantic and animate in his attempt to escape, calling out for Allen even before he came in the room.

"Allen!" Lenalee cried out as her legs started to entangle with the floor.

"Hold on, hold on, hold on. A beautiful girl such as yourself should never be in tears!" The ghost tried to make light of the situation but was in obvious worry too. Instead of running over to help, he acted as if he were about to start a grand trick. From beneath his sleeve he began pulling tied, multicolored fabric out until it was a couple of feet long.

"Ta-dah!"

"Is this some sort of joke?" Kanda grunted through his constricted airways.

The ghost just hummed and ripped the long piece of fabric into three different parts, then promptly walked over to the cowering Lenalee. He gingerly tied it like a bandana around her neck, and then suddenly she stopped crying out in pain. After doing the same for Lavi and Kanda, they all looked around dumbfounded at each other.

"I am a ghost of many tricks and trades my fellow ghost hunters. And for my first act: the rope of translucency!"

A silence fell over the group and they looked at each other in a silent agreement that they were doomed.

"Not impressed? Well, I'll have you know that fabric I tied around your necks gives you a 'ghost-like' status. You're impervious to wounds like that and won't be crushed to death! But," he frowned and pulled a little at the roots that wouldn't give way.

"These vines are strengthened with something that negates that power. Meaning I can't pass through it, and you can't untangle yourselves until we do something about the source."

"Mary? Do you think she's turned into an akuma? But-" Allen stopped when he heard the cracking and decay of loose vines. Looking down, he realized the ground beneath him was decaying at an alarming rate, and within seconds, he was falling right through the floor.

* * *

><p>He fell not so gracefully down through the floorboards, and not into the main room of the church like he'd expected. He was in a different alcove completely. Did this church have a basement?<p>

He shook his head in embarrassment when he realized that he was completely lost.

Regardless of where the room once was, it was now a haven for gigantic roots and weeds and rotting vines. There wasn't a square inch of the space that wasn't lined with some sort of plant. He tripped a couple of times while trying to regain his bearings in the dark and silent space. The floor was like a knotted hiking trail just made to entangle up his feet. Looking up, he could vaguely see the hole he'd fallen down, and it looked like he'd gone much farther beneath the church than he'd expected. The farther he stumbled through the mass of roots on the ground, the thicker and denser they became until he finally saw her.

A girl, surrounded by a circular pattern of vines weaved around her, was crying quietly. An akuma? No, she seemed to still have a bit of sanity left in her. _It's not too late,_ he thought,_ I could save her! But how?_

Allen started picking through the vines and called out to her, causing her to snap her head around and look at him with demonic, black eyes. Her mouth was spewing black blood and whatever soul still left in her was dwindling away. With a flick of the wrist, she shot a vine out at Allen and scraped right past his shoulder.

"We aren't your enemy, Mary!" He said as he dodged an onslaught of vine whips.

"I want you all to die," she growled back while more black liquid dribbled off her chin. The black gunk was dripping from the corners of her eyes now, like distorted tears that stained her skin. _Is it some sort of poison rotting her insides?_ While Allen was caught off guard, she managed to land a direct hit in the middle of his stomach and he flew backward, smashing into the back wall. Before he could recover, a vine entangled itself around his ankle and started dragging him across the thorny and distorted floor.

Suddenly he was dangling upside down, face to face with the tortured girl. His left eye suddenly throbbed and he screamed in pain until it slowly recovered. When his vision returned, a purple aura surrounded the girl. She was no longer a ghost or a conscious soul. _But what was he supposed to do? Is there a way to bring her back? _He wasn't about to kill anyone, even if he knew how_._

The girl stood up from her nest of vines and stepped daintily over to Allen, who was still being held upside down. As she got closer, he noticed how much her body was deteriorating with sores and cuts and bruises and blood everywhere. The same black ooze that was paining her lips was dripping from her wounds. Her eyes returned from their demonic darkness and to a soft blue. She looked at him for what seemed like an unbearable amount of time, and brushed the side of his face with a blackened hand. Stinging his skin, the black substance smelled faintly of blood.

"Where is it?" She asked.

"W-Where is what?" He replied, still a little uneasy talking to ghosts. _Especially the ones that should've already killed you_. What was with this sudden calmness?

She frailly touched Allen's left hand and pulled up the glove. "Hey, wait a second!"

The cross in his hand was glowing when she held his palm, and she looked back up at him. "Exorcist?"

"I'm no exorcist, miss, that's just a birth defect, I think," Allen said politely. When she traced her finger around the cross on his hand, a vibration went through his entire body, like a sudden shock of energy.

"Your friends upstairs," she looked back at Allen dreamily, "are going to suffocate to death. But how do I kill you?" Without warning the vine threw him back against the wall. The thorny whips were forcefully ripping and tearing into his skin, and he screamed as one slashed across his stomach.

"Your screams sound so lovely," she yelled while laughing, and he watched the demonic aura return and the protective vines she once had around her were now hell-bent on ripping Allen to shreds.

_I have to think of something_, he thought as he came to a struggling stand. Looking down at his hand, he realized it was glowing brighter than it ever had. A strange, instinctual urge for survival came over him, and when the next set of razor-sharp vines headed straight for his face, he threw his arms in front of his face and braced for his own death.

There was a bright flash, followed by a clang of metal, and the moment ended with the screams of Mary. When Allen reopened his eyes, his left arm was no longer the same distorted one it had been five minutes ago; it resembled a claw like form coated in a metallic silver. The cross imbedded in his hand was even larger and brighter, and the joint where the metallic skin stopped and met his shoulder was lit up with a bright green luminescence.

"W-What the hell is going on?"

He wanted to scream in sheer terror at the fact his arm just morphed into a gigantic claw, but the ghost gave him no time to cope with where his mental stability stood. She started shrieking while throwing an onslaught of roots at him. He deftly swung his left arm, which was much quicker than he expected, and sliced the vines right in half while sending himself spinning from the weight imbalance. _How do you use this thing?!_

'What," he was panting and out of breath as the girl was beginning to attack from the front and behind, "is going on?!"

"You liar! You're an exorcist, one of God's chosen! Meanwhile, that bastard of a God left me here to rot with my broken heart! Die!"

Focusing on instincts and not reality, he dodged left, right, and left until he was face to face with the girl. _My body's moving faster than it ever has before_. He landed a direct hit on the girl and then ripped at the vines right from the source: her palms.

Without really knowing what he was doing, he calmed himself down until the strange weapon disappeared and his arm returned to normal. With the cross still glowing brightly, he placed a hand gingerly on the broken and defeated spirit's forehead. The cross grew brighter when it touched her, and Allen said the only response he could muster, "I am so sorry."

_This isn't fair,_ he thought. _No one deserves this. _He didn't realize how much he was trembling and tearing up until a tear dripped down his chin.

Her body instantly reacted to his touch, turning from its mangled black and purple figure to a bright white. The vines that sprung from her palms started to decay right from the source, and the greenery faded to brown. Within a few seconds, the roots began to turn to ash.

"You have the power to free me," she said weakly.

He nodded his head in response. "You deserve a good rest. You aren't forsaken and alone; in fact, you had a love, didn't you? He's waiting for you in the next life, and I hope you find happiness there. No, I'm sure you will find happiness." She started to cry, and Allen couldn't say he knew what he was talking about, but it's what he wanted to believe when he thought of Mana. Every soul has to have a form of salvation.

"Thank you," she whispered, and wrapped her arms around him. As he held the weak figure of light, she slowly dissolved into the darkness.

Once her body completely disappeared within his arms, and he could sense no trace left of her, he fell to his knees in relief.

"Allen!"

He looked around and saw the same jester ghost, looking around at the carnage still left in the room. Some of the roots hadn't fully decayed yet, and Allen was covered in blood.

"Joker, you were right," Allen said weakly while laughing.

"About what? Man, how'd you calm her down, anyway?" He said while helping Allen up.

"I think," he paused to cough up a little blood, "I think I'm an exorcist."

"Seriously? I came down here to find you after the vines upstairs started decaying. Everyone's safe," the ghost said much to Allen's relief.

"I, I mean my arm," Allen stopped. He actually had no idea what happened. As long as everyone was safe, that was all that mattered.

The ghost gave a faux bow and then joined hands with Allen. Before Allen could ask what he was doing, the cross on his left hand burned brightly once again, and the ghost said, "Mr. Exorcist, will you finally free me?"

Allen smiled softly and closed his eyes, concentrating on the feeling he'd had when he placed his hand on Mary. A sudden burst of light erupted from their clasped hands, green and warm and inviting. It felt pure, above all, as if his entire body reduced into the serenity of God's grace.

When he reopened his eyes, the Joker had a smile painted on his skin and was slowly starting to fade away into bright crystals.

"May we meet again, Allen Walker, in a better place."

There was a sudden burst of light that blinded him, and when he finally could see again, the Joker's Cheshire smile faded into the darkness. The second the ghost disappeared, Allen's weariness returned. Moonlight was filtering in through a hole in the roofing of the basement, presumably the one he fell through, and the storm had passed.

There was a shadow of a man through the moonlight, rather robust with what looked like a parasol. He's been watching me, hasn't he? But who is he?

He could faintly hear the calls of Lenalee and the others, but it became warped by a ringing in his ears. The corners of his vision blurred until the dark of the night swept into his lungs, and he collapsed into an unconscious state.

_Everything was going to be okay._

* * *

><p><strong>Anyway, what does Kanda know? What is Kanda actually up to, a question that still hasn't been answered?! Cross, who were you trying to summon? Last but certainly not least, what does the appearance of the Earl mean?!<strong>

**(As always, I want to thank you amazing reviewers and followers and readers in general. I probably say this too much, but you guys are amazing.)**


	8. Don't Always Assume the Worst

"Is he going to do this every time?" Kanda grumbled.

After playing rock, paper, scissors to see who would venture down to the basement to find Allen, or at least his corpse, Lavi was forced to jump down the hole. He carefully made his way through the rotten roots and found the unconscious Allen with a playing card daintily placed in his hand. With all the heroic strength Lavi could muster, he clumsily dragged him back out and to the front steps of the church. From the outside, the tangling and intertwining vines were visible as they wrapped around the church in dead ropes, but it was obvious the source of the destruction was long gone.

"I'm totally keeping this!" Lavi said excitedly as he inspected the vintage Joker card. He also held the three scarves the first ghost had given them and considered using one of them as a new headband.

"We managed to save most of the cameras, too!" Lenalee said, matching his excitement as she held the bag full of equipment.

They started their long walk back to campus at two in the morning, hoping to make it to Lavi's dorm before anything else could go wrong. Kanda couldn't match the enthusiasm of the two who narrowly escaped death; they didn't even think to question what happened. _Idiots._ Meanwhile, burning questions were weighing heavily on his thoughts.

Kanda followed a little farther behind the other two wrapped up in ghost stories and excitement. He'd gotten the lovely job of carrying the limp body of Allen all the way back, who was much lighter than he'd expected. Princess-style was a lot easier than trying to balance the unconscious kid on his back, but looking him was almost unbearable. His skin was so pale and scratched, and his face was such a distortion of grief and sorrow. However, there was a radiating innocence, purity so rare and intense in form that left Kanda more peaceful than he should've been. He pushed some of Allen's stray, silken hair out of his face and got a closer look at the scar. It was peculiarly different from before; the strange star-like mark seemed darker and filled in instead of the usual thin outline.

_How did I suddenly end up responsible for this kid? _Technically, he didn't even need to bother caring; Allen made that point very clear in almost every confrontation they had. There really wasn't any gain for Kanda; there was no purpose for him to meddle in Allen's affairs._ Then why can't I just stay away? Jesus Christ, this idiot is going to get me killed._

"Kanda, don't look so concerned. I'm sure he's fine, just like last time," Lenalee said cheerfully.

"I'm not concerned! I'm just pissed off that I have to carry him once again," Kanda snapped. In fact, Kanda was disgusted; he'd failed to protect any of them, and worst of all, he had no solution to prevent Allen from going back home.

* * *

><p>"Ah, it's good to be home," Lavi said as he plopped down on his bed with a long and exaggerated yawn.<p>

"Don't get too comfortable, Lavi, because we have a lot of editing to do," Lenalee scolded while taking out all the salvaged cameras and devices.

"Oh, you can just set him on the couch. I'm sure he'll be all smiles and cheer in an hour or two," Lenalee said when she noticed Kanda awkwardly holding Allen's limp body.

He was reluctant to put Allen down, but managed not to show it as he lowered him down to the sofa. Almost instantly, Kanda missed the closeness and warmth of being near him; whatever strange energy radiating from him was oddly comforting. _He's just one disaster after another; why do I keep getting involved?_

Snapping out of his trance, he pulled out a voice recorder that had Lavi's name taped to it. It only took him a couple of seconds to figure out it was just a bunch of celebrity impressions and, not being able to find the off button fast enough, he threw it across the room. The impact of the recorder nearly knocked Lavi over when it collided with his head. He, however, paid no mind to Kanda and continued to draw on Allen's face with a magic marker.

"Too bad we didn't have a camera with Allen when he got lost," she said disappointed while watching the film of the Ouija board.

"Lavi, Kanda, come look at this!" She said, rewinding the tape in awe.

Kanda listened to Allen tampering with the board already, and ignored her offer. A buzzing in his pocket gave him an excuse to step outside, and he picked up the phone almost immediately.

"Kanda! How've you been doing, man?" He rolled his eyes and considered hanging up.

"So talkative, as usual. Look, I've got a lead on your problem."

"I'm listening," Kanda said in an annoyed tone. Late night phone calls with Daisya always seemed to put him off; no, conversations with Daisya in general pissed him off.

"So you _are_ interested! 'Pretty sure we know where it is. When you are you coming back to work, anyway?"

"Who has it? I'll go now."

"Whoa, whoa, hold on. The Finders have worked hard and finally found a lead on the black market for a priceless Japanese katana. It was sold to someone we couldn't track, but now it's turned up in a purchase to the Mikk family. Those bastards probably bought it on purpose Kanda; you can't just go barging in there. The security is too tight, even for you."

"Daisya, I'm not just going to sit here and wait around. I want my damn sword back." The haunting memory of being jumped by those two idiots in that alleyway was still fresh in his mind. Their identities were still a mystery, but there wasn't anything the Finders couldn't sniff out eventually. Once he had their names, he was going to personally torture them until they begged for death. However, they still won back in the alley, blind-sighting him and stealing his weapon. He woke up to find his sword missing, and to Allen standing over him.

"We're going to send in a tight unit tonight, Kanda. Rest easy, and we'll have your precious Mugen back by sunrise."

Kanda didn't like leaving his sword's fate up to anyone else. "Tch."

"A simple, 'thank you' would be nice. I put a lot of work into this, you know! Everyone was about to just tell you to suck it up and-"

"Thanks a lot," he muttered half-heartedly and hung up.

* * *

><p>When he walked back in, he noticed Allen was already awake and helping Lenalee write the report. Somehow he'd gotten the marker off, much to Lavi's dismay.<p>

"Yuu, you need to help too," Lavi said, even though he was just playing with the video camera.

"You said I wouldn't have to do any work. And don't call me that!" Sighing when he realized that he _did_ promise Kanda that, Lavi continued to goof off in silence.

"I'm glad you're safe, Kanda," Allen said brightly while smiling in his direction. He slid the paper over to Lenalee, who read over it before adding it into the pile they'd created.

"Well, that's that. I'm going home to get some sleep; I've only got a couple of hours until track practice," Lenalee said while putting all the papers into one folder.

"I'll take care of the equipment now, so no one knows it went missing," Lavi said while packing it all up.

"What?!" Lenalee and Allen yelled unison. Lavi's behavior didn't even faze him anymore, and he just silently pondered his choice in company.

"Turns out there's already a paranormal club, and I, well, _borrowed_ some things we needed," Lavi said with a wink.

"I ought to be heading home too," Allen said. He didn't so much as look in Kanda's direction, purposefully so, and they all gathered up their things.

Once Lavi locked the door and raced off, Lenalee gave them both a forced hug and ran off toward the girls' dorms. If Komui found her out this late, it wouldn't be a pretty sight and as the other two forked in their separate ways, Allen and Kanda were left idling in the hall.

"No."

"No, what?" Allen asked innocently.

"I'm not letting you go back there, I mean, look at your arms!" In a haughty response to his accusation, Allen pulled up his torn sleeve and grinned while pointing at his bare right arm.

"I noticed this when I woke up! Look!" Allen grabbed one end of the bandage and twirled the fabric on his arm around until it was completely unwrapped. Much to Kanda's surprise, the only thing left on his arm was a bloodstain; there wasn't so much as a scratch or a scar. Kanda touched his arm in disbelief, but the skin was smooth.

Kanda warily looked over Allen once or twice; something in his whole demeanor had changed. It was like his sense of optimism had suddenly returned, the expression that never failed to piss him off. "How?"

"I'm not really sure, but the point is I'm fine and need answers more than sleep." Allen was determined not to put this off, even if the beer-breathed dragon that awaited him would only respond in slurred explanations.

"Most importantly, you need to stay alive," Kanda replied sharply.

Allen opened his mouth to protest, but Kanda continued, "Don't go saying, 'I can take care of myself', or, 'it's none of your business'. I will lock you in my bathroom if I have to."

"Always so dramatic, Kanda, have you looked into a career in acting? I'll call you when I get home if it'll make you feel better," Allen said while rolling his eyes.

* * *

><p>He kicked the door again. "Let me out, BaKanda!"<p>

"Your voice gives me migraines."

_Kanda wasn't kidding when he threatened to lock me in the bathroom, _Allen thought miserably. After a good thirty minutes of fist-fighting in the hallway, Kanda finally got the upper hand and forced and kicking and cursing Allen back his dorm room by his hair. Sitting on the cool tile of Kanda's bathroom, he sighed for the millionth time as Kanda refused to answer him.

Meanwhile, Kanda, on the other side of the door, was sitting cross-legged with a book on his lap. Homework was his only option at this point since he had nothing better to do. After a couple of minutes of Allen's temper tantrum, it became blindingly obvious he wasn't getting any sleep with this racket.

Allen looked around the bathroom for any form of entertainment, but eventually found himself debating whether drowning in the bathtub would be more interesting than sitting here.

_Wait, his phone!_

He grinned in victory and flipped it out, first dialing Lenalee.

"Allen? It's three in the morning," she said sleepily.

"Kanda locked me in his bathroom, Lenalee! Send help and-"

"Who are you talking to?" Kanda said through the door.

"I'm on my way, Allen!" Lenalee said as she quickly changed out of her pajamas and ran toward the boys' dorms.

"Think you can outsmart me? Don't make me laugh," Kanda retaliated, and Allen heard the noise of foreboding dial tones.

"Yes, can I speak to Principal Komui?" Kanda was lowering his voice on purpose so his usual irritable tone wouldn't be recognized.

"Who is this? If you're prank-calling me, I'll have you know-"

"No, sir, I just happened to notice Lenalee Lee leaving her dorm at a rather _risqué_ time of night, and-"

Allen heard screaming on the other end of the line, and Kanda hung up with a satisfied click. It only took a minute or two before Lenalee was knocking on the door, yelling, "Kanda! Let Allen out!"

It took even less time for Komui to show up. Allen pressed his hands over his ears to try to relieve some of the pain from Komui's yells., and his rather horrifying descriptions of fantasies that Lenalee could possibly be doing at this hour were making Allen want to scream, too. The yelling was followed by sobs due to his extravagant nightmare of a secret relationship between Kanda and Lenalee. Kanda shook his head in embarrassment; Lenalee would definitely not his first choice in women. In fact, he wasn't even sure of his standpoint on relationships, because no one interested him in the slightest.

The shrieks of Lenalee echoed down the hall as she was toted away over the horrified principal's shoulder.

"You think I'll give up that easy?" Allen said in a high-pitched and embarrassed response.

"Lavi! Kanda's trapped me in his dorm!"

"Eh?! That's happened to me before. The bathroom, right? I'm on my way!" Lavi didn't even bother changing out of his pajamas and ran to Allen's aid while staying on the phone. _Happened to him before?_

"Lavi Bookman?"

"Who's that, Lavi?" Allen asked when he heard a strange voice talking to Lavi through the phone.

"You're out of luck, Allen," Kanda said from the other side of the door. Did he set something else up? \\

The same voice from before came out of his phone again, along with the sound of cracking knuckles. "We've heard you've started your own little paranormal club, Lavi. And you know what we think of that?"

Lavi frantically replied to Allen, "It's the original Ghosts and Spirits Club! Abort mission, I repeat, abort mission, Allen! I'm sorr-" The line cut out. Allen banged his head against the door in defeat.

"Are you finished?" Kanda asked. Allen didn't have the strength to reply; he was too depressed about the idea of another six hours left in here.

He took off his glove and looked at his arm; the cross wasn't glowing anymore, and the scars were gone. So why did he still feel so strange? Something he'd resented all his life, this horrible arm, suddenly gave his life a purpose. _Is this what you wanted of me, Mana? __And why did no one tell me sooner?_ It suddenly occurred to him that Cross had probably known all along about this, but he put aside that anger for a better time.

If he activated his arm then he could break out of here, but who knows how Kanda would react. Technically, he didn't even know how it worked, anyway, and there wasn't exactly anyone to ask about this. Agreeing with himself that it wouldn't go well, he went over to the bathtub.

"You've left me no choice, Kanda. I'm just going to have drown myself," Allen called out dramatically and started the water.

"You can't drown yourself. It's impossible," Kanda replied sharply.

"With a will, there's a way," Allen grumbled. He heard Kanda shift outside the door; maybe this could work. If he could convince Kanda he was drowning, then he would have to open the door, and then he could escape. Even knowing that this was far-fetched and stupid, he had nothing left to lose and was too bored to care.

He stuck his head under the freezing water and waited patiently, waiting for a rise out of the other.

"Allen?" His lungs stung, but he steeled himself and blew bubbles from beneath the wobbly surface.

"It's not going to work, and you're just going to look like an idiot." When Allen didn't reply again, Kanda made his typical noise of contempt but didn't make a move to open the door. In a mental debate over the importance of oxygen, he barely even registered the other's voice.

"When you do pass out I'll come in I might get you." _He's bluffing_.

_Okay this is starting to hurt and a really stupid idea. No- it's important that I get out of here! Oxygen is like food, and you can go a while without it,_ he reminded himself. The growling in his stomach seemed to contradict his denial.

After another long period of silence, Kanda looked at his watch. Clicking in the silence of the unusual silence in the room, he decided that the normal amount of time it takes a human to pass out without oxygen had passed. He stood up, stretched with an arched back and yawn, and then leisurely unlocked the door.

"You've got to be the biggest idiot I know," Kanda said and pulled his head out of the water by his hair. _He's got determination, alright,_ Kanda thought while wondering if Allen was actually still alive. He put his head on Allen's chest; there's still a heartbeat, at least.

_Weren't you supposed to give CPR in situations like this?_ Kanda looked at Allen, who was definitely not breathing. He wiped his wet, silver hair from his face and absent-mindedly noticed the scar on his forehead once again; had it really changed? He distinctly remembered the star not being filled in, in fact, it was just a thin redlined pentagram above his eye when they first met. The water washed off what was left of Allen's makeup, too, and once again revealing the cuts and bruises that knotted up his stomach. Allen's skin was freezing and pale, with lips tinged in blue, fading ever so slightly with every moment. Was he really supposed to-?

Nope_. No way in hell I'm doing that._

He reached into the hall and grabbed his textbook, raising it over his head and then dropping it square on Allen's chest. Like a light switch, Allen rose from the dead gasping for air while coughing up water. Amidst his coughing fit, Kanda dropped a blanket on the now dripping Allen and left, locking the door behind him.

"Goodnight, Allen," Kanda said, and smirked as he fell into bed. He heard curses and the faint hint at a British accent that disturbed him, but tuned him out and, for once, slept easily and peacefully.

* * *

><p>The sunrise eventually came, and instead of sleeping, Kanda glowered at his phone expectantly from beneath the covers. Daisya would call any minute now.<p>

His attention was drawn back to Allen having another nightmare in the bathroom. What the issue was, he wasn't sure, but Allen hadn't stopped lashing out in his sleep for the past two hours. Kanda threw his pillow at the door and yelled, "Would you quit it already?"

Realizing his mistake almost immediately when he heard Allen groaning, he sighed and hung his head over the edge of the bed, letting all his hair fall over. The chatterbox was awake now. It only took seconds before Allen was yelling in a sleepy incoherent tone. "This is cruel and unusual punishment, you know that, you asshole? I swear to god, the second I step out of this bathroom I'm going to-"

When a vibration started to shake his nightstand, Kanda snatched his phone and ignored Allen's death threats from beyond the door. Without waiting to put a shirt on, he answered the phone and stepped outside.

"Daisya!"

"Listen," Daisya sounded like he was in pain, and Kanda heard his struggling and shallow breaths. There a strange noise at the other end of the line that he couldn't identify; did he have a bad connection? Who knew how to work these damn phones anymore.

"Did you find it?" He asked, trying not to sound impatient.

Daisya finally answered weakly, "Yeah, we found it. Or saw it really; we didn't even get close. Look, whatever you do, don't come looking because-"

"Are you in trouble? I'll head over there now," Kanda replied, blatantly ignoring his warning. He heard Daisya talking to someone on the other end, and then unholy screaming.

"Daisya, what's happening? Talk to me!" There was a crunching sound, and Kanda winced in disgust as the definite sound of a neck snapping was audible through the phone. Then a silence creeped up from both sides of the phone call.

"Good luck on getting your sword back, samurai. I hope to see you and Allen this weekend," a voice said and then promptly dropped the phone. The sound of footsteps crunching on gravel slowly faded until silence overtook the phone call.

"Answer me, Daisya." Kanda fell to his knees; he knew that there would be no response.

"Daisya, fucking answer me!"" The phone continued to play silence.

"Aha!" Allen threw open the door in triumph with a blanket tied like a cape, but abruptly stopped his daring escape when he saw Kanda's collapsed disposition.

"What's wrong?" Allen asked, tone quickly shifting from excitement to concern.

That was Tyki's voice, Kanda realized. _Tyki killed Daisya_. Realizing the entire thing was a set-up, that Daisya was just used as a threat, he smashed his phone on the ground causing Allen to jump back. _Tyki was just toying with me, and now Daisya is dead because of it._

"I just asked what's wrong!" Allen yelled in response as he jumped back.

Why'd he mention Allen? He looked up at the other; Allen looked like he'd been in the front cabin of a train wreck. Oh yeah, he drowned last night. Almost forgot.

"Nothing," Kanda muttered. _Daisya is dead._

"So, you're trying to tell me that you have a murderous look in your eyes and smashed your phone over nothing."

Why was Allen always in the middle of things? Right now, Tyki probably had Allen's trust, and he also knew that Kanda obviously cared about the idiot whether he liked it or not. _Did that make Allen some sort of leverage against me?_

"My friend is dead," Kanda said quietly. _Allen is going to end up dead, no matter what I do to stop it. Tyki decided his fate a long time ago._

* * *

><p>Allen hadn't the slightest clue about what was going on, but running off now didn't seem like the best time. He followed Kanda's silent trudge back inside, picking up the smashed phone for him. The look of terror and pure anger written all over his face was a little intimidating, but he still silently sat next to him on the bed and clasped his hands against his raised knees. <em>It's the same look he had when he saw my arms,<em> Allen thought.

Asking if he wanted to talk about it, or maybe if he was okay, were the first two thoughts that crossed Allen's mind. However, he knew the answer would obviously be a sharp "no" to both questions. The real question gnawing at him was why had he heard Tyki's voice over the phone. Kanda wasn't exactly being quiet out in the hall, and could clearly hear his voice just before he opened the door, along with the rest of the cowering floormates.

If Tyki was involved on his friend's death, then that explains why Kanda hated him so much._ Why didn't he just tell me?_ It was obvious now that there was a lot more to this than anyone trusted him to know. _Damn it, why am I always in the middle of everything?_

"Kanda," Allen said irritability after about an hour of silence. Kanda looked like he was going to turn to stone and had his arms wrapped tightly around his knees. He slowly looked up and over at Allen, with an emptiness that snapped Allen's confidence in half.

"Let's go get some coffee before mid-day classes start. Staying in here is only going to make it worse," he said softly. It took Kanda a few seconds to process his words, but he eventually stood up and put on a new shirt.

"I still have your jacket," Kanda said quietly, and handed it back over to him. Allen thanked him and put it on over his ripped clothes; it smelled like roses.

* * *

><p>Allen couldn't pay attention for more than a passing moment in class today, which basically put him on par with all the other students. Lavi had a black eye and multiple other bruises from his encounter with the other paranormal club because <em>apparently<em> they weren't too fond of a rival club. Lenalee almost broke out into tears when she saw the Allen, since he was a day early for No Makeup Monday. It's a good thing he only had one class on Sundays; after this period ended, he could head straight out the front door and finally get the answers from Cross he needed.

An ear-splitting announcement shattered his daydream of escaping the school building. In a very exasperated tone, Principal Komui shouted, "Allen Walker, please come to the principal's office. I repeat, Allen Walker, to the principal's office!"

"What'd you do, man?" Lavi whispered in disbelief. Allen felt his face grow hot but just shook his head in confusion as a response; maybe Komui knew they were down in the basement. No, then all four of them would be in trouble. He hadn't even skipped class yet this year; what was he actually in trouble for?

Miranda excused him out of the class, assuring him that everything was fine, and he stepped out into the empty hall. He started his dismal trip down the bleached hall in the direction he assumed was the correct way and listened to various shouting from the classrooms ahead of him.

"You know you can't smoke in here! Get out!" Tyki held up his hands in mock apology and swaggered out into the hall with a cigarette still lit.

"I will not put up with such blatant disrespect. Get your ass out of my classroom!" Kanda slammed the classroom door behind him.

Allen had two options: run like hell in the other direction or try to politely slip around the confrontation. Neither of the two had the slightest chance at happening.

"Beansprout?"

"Hey, little bishounen, what are you in trouble for?" Tyki said while waving. Apparently he was not getting out of this one. Wait, _bishonen? _Even Kanda was surprised at the nickname.

"Not sure, but I guess I'll find out when I get there. I can't think of anything serious," Allen said.

Allen heard Kanda yell a string of profanities and sidestepped just in time to avoid a swinging fist headed for Tyki's face. Not even flinching, Tyki caught Kanda's fist with his palm and effectively crushed his knuckles until Kanda drew back in pain.

"Hey, stop it, you guys!" Allen yelled and pulled Kanda back before he could instigate it any further.

"You killed," Kanda stopped and clutched his hand in pain, "You fucking killed Daisya!"

Tyki's disposition shifted a little, and he eyed Allen, who wasn't as surprised as he expected._ It wasn't hard to put the puzzle pieces together. I'm not an idiot,_ Allen thought when both of them were surprised that Allen suspected Tyki of the murder.

He gave a nonchalant shrug and lit another cigarette. "Can't say I know what you're talking about."

"Bastard!" Kanda tried to hit him again, but Allen wrapped his arms around Kanda's waist and pulled him backward. "Knock some sense into that thick skull of yours before I have to, Kanda." His shoes were sliding on the tile flooring as Kanda pulled against him, but there was no way Allen was letting a fight break out between these two._ If Tyki truly did kill Daisya, then what was stopping him from taking out Kanda, too?_

"Kanda, this is neither the time or place for this! Back off!" Allen yelled.

Kanda noticed a flare of anger in Tyki's eyes; what was making him so put off all of a sudden? It only took a couple of seconds to process that Allen was the only variable in this situation._ Was he jealous that Allen was touching him?_ He smirked;_ Allen wasn't leverage against me but leverage against Tyki himself_.

"Come on, off to the principal's office, bean sprout," Kanda said sarcastically. _What's with that change in tone?_ Allen thought in confusion.

"I can make it there just fine myself, thanks," Allen said and started walking off.

"Wrong way, Allen," Tyki said while laughing, "Here, I'll show you the way."

"No," Kanda said quickly, "I'll take you."

Allen felt like smashing his head into a wall; they were passive-aggressively taking out their anger through him. Before he could protest and go by himself, Kanda promptly knocked the wind out of him and pulled him by the tender-headed scalp.

Allen started yelling and squirming, but was unable to escape Kanda's iron grip. "What the hell, Kanda! You can't just treat me like luggage!" Kanda looked curtly over at Tyki, whose aloof nature turned to a resenting facial expression.

Kanda gripped Allen's waist tighter, causing Allen to yell, "Let go of me, Kanda!"

He looked behind him once again, and Tyki was smiling once again, a crooked and twisted smirk, holding up a silver button.

Daisya's jacket button.

* * *

><p>After being forced into the main office by Kanda, who wouldn't take a moment to discuss Allen's obvious frustration with him, he begrudgingly took a seat in front of Komui's desk. Desk being a loose term for a giant table stacked miles high with paperwork.<p>

"Is he not in today?" Allen whispered to the secretary who walked by.

The attendant gave him a puzzled look, peeped behind the paperwork, and replied, "Oh, yes, he's here. Komui, wake up already!"

There was a loud yelp from behind the paperwork and the messy files all went flying, revealing a very disheveled man. He looked sleep deprived, with his hat slightly crooked and purple hair slightly unkempt beneath it._ Probably worrying all night about Lenalee._

"Allen Walker," he started with, his voice coarse and unnerving.

"What did I do wrong, sir?" Allen asked as politely as possible.

"You didn't do anything wrong, not at all." He cleared his throat and looked at Allen for a few minutes while trying to gather the courage to say whatever he'd called him in for.

"It's come to my attention that it's no longer safe for you to live within your current situation. We're immediately taking you under the care of the school, which means-"

Allen stood up out of his chair and looked at him in complete shock. _No longer safe?_ Where did this suddenly come from?

"Hold on a second! What do you mean, 'no longer safe'? Komui, sir, you can't-"

"Allen. A worried friend of yours tipped us off that you are in serious danger within your current living circumstances. Please try to understand," he said pleadingly. He could tell Komui was extremely broken up about this_; how did he know?_

Throwing away his facade of politeness, he spat, "Don't you must have social workers, or some sort of legal process before you kick me out of my home? I'm perfectly fine!"

"Well, we would hire someone to look into it. Except after skimming your file, it turns out you have no official relation to Cross Marian, and therefore are illegally under his care. I could be overlook this for the sake of avoiding legal trouble, of course, but we can't overlook the potential harm that could happen to one of our best students. Allen," Komui looked at him with a heartbreaking expression, "abuse is no subject we can gloss over. I refuse to put up with this any longer, and I also refuse to willingly watch someone get hurt."

Allen felt his face flare up in anger and embarrassment. "Abuse? That's a lie! Someone probably said that just to-"

"Whether you want to live in childish denial or not, it still doesn't change the fact that Marian has no legal claim over you. You'll officially be put under the school's care as of right now, and must stay on campus for the night. All documents relating you to Cross Marian will be disposed of as of tonight, too, and then we'll send someone over to collect your belongings." He fell back into his seat in disbelief. Who would tip Komui off?

_Kanda. Kanda set this all up._

"It's really not a big deal," Allen responded pleadingly. _Just when I'm finally moving forward, I get pulled right back down to where I started._

Suddenly there was an outburst from behind him. "How can you just say that? Allen, your face is a mess! You look like a skeleton, and worse, you smile all despite of it. It's terrifying to think you won't show up to my class one day, and that'll be the end of it. You'll be gone, and I'll never see you again, and I'll have to look at your empty seat every day and blame myself!" A trembling and teary eyed Miranda stood rigidly in the doorway, feet planted and hands clenched, making Allen's anger dissolve into heartbreak. _It's not abuse, just teen angst clashing with a zero tolerance level!_ Abuse is cigarette burns and the stained shirts of alcohol and tears, and weakness substituted for faith; he wasn't a cowering child anymore.

Miranda's face said different, pointing out how out of control this had gotten. Abuse was interchangeable with the word denial, and he saw his pathetic insanity reflected in her eyes.

"Miss Miranda," Allen said in shock. He didn't put on makeup today, did he? His reflection in the glass paneling in the office told him that he had no excuses left in this situation; the evidence was written all over his face.

"Miranda will show you to your dorm, Allen," Komui said quietly when Allen tore his eyes away from his reflection.

* * *

><p>He locked the door quietly behind him and looked at the barren room. There was a bed with a simple nightstand next to it, a wardrobe, and a bathroom off to the left. He slipped his backpack off and fell to the floor, collapsing beneath the weight of his emotions. His head was a mess; this all came on so quick. Miranda, a teacher he liked but was never close to, even realized that he wasn't doing well. Did that mean Lavi and Lenalee were just pretending not to notice? Was it really that obvious?<p>

For lack of anything better to do while under lockdown, he pulled his phone out.

**Lavi: Man, what'd they do you in for?**

**Lenalee: Are you okay, Allen? My brother won't tell me anything!**

Apparently they didn't know anything, then. Along with those two texts, he had a missed call from Kanda. Everything_ always_ seemed to circle back to Kanda. He had half a mind to call him back and yell every profanity he knew at him, but that seemed useless at this point. Everything was useless.

It was getting later and later into the night, and he eventually climbed onto his bed with his arms wrapped around his knees. _There has to be a way around this._

While deep in thought, he noticed murmuring at his door.

_"Miranda, I need to speak with Allen."_

_"I-I do not think I'm allowed to let anyone in Mr. Walker's room tonight."_

_"He's not going to run away while I'm there, trust me. Just go get something to drink, and I'll be gone before you get back."_

There was more quarrelling between the two until Miranda finally gave in and shuffled off. _Look who it is, right on cue_, Allen thought.

A single frail knock on the door drew his attention. Allen rolled his eyes and hid under the covers.

This time, the knocks were much more violent and rapid. "I know you're in there, idiot!"

"I'm asleep," Allen half-heartedly replied from beneath the covers.

"Open the door."

"Well, doesn't that sound familiar?" Allen said with sarcasm-laced words.

Maybe running away was his best option. He'd made it on his own before, hadn't he? It would be simple enough to get some money through a little gambling, travel around some more, and who knows; maybe Cross would let him back in.

"Don't you get it, you idiot? After hearing Daisya's last dying words, I realized that I couldn't lose anyone else. For once, I fucking care about losing someone! Especially-"

The door creaked open and he looked at Kanda, his own sorrow reflected in the other's eyes. Kanda sounded angry, but his face just reflected a hurt expression that rivaled even Miranda's face.

"I am not weak, Kanda, and I'm not afraid of Cross, or even Tyki. And I'm definitely not afraid of you," he replied fiercely. "You have no right to decide things for me. You crossed the line, and you know it."

"That's the damn problem! You live so recklessly for everyone else, and yet you couldn't care less about your own self!"

"Other people have someone to protect, someone waiting on them at home, something that keeps them going. I have no fear of death, because I have nothing to lose!" Allen yelled back. As soon as the words left his mouth, an unspoken truth was out in the open air. _Where did that come from? _Allen thought,_ I've never said anything like that before. _But it was true, so clawingly true that it left a bitter emptiness in his stomach.

"So Lavi, and Lenalee, and everyone else mean nothing to you? Do I mean nothing to you?" Kanda said as he clenched his fists. Allen looked at Kanda in confusion as he seemed to be on the verge of a complete breakdown in anger. He was practically shaking, and wouldn't even look Allen in the eyes.

"It's because Lavi and Lenalee mean so much to me; it's because you mean so much to me," Allen lost his anger and smiled fondly, "that I try so hard to be so strong. That night, when I was on the verge of losing it all together; it was you three that brought me back. It was you yelling at me at three in the morning that made me not give up."

An unexpected blush hinted at Kanda's cheeks, and he muttered a simple goodbye before disappearing down the hall.

* * *

><p>Allen was blessed with having all his advanced classes without the trio, and after two blocks he was free from the claustrophobic building. Instead of heading straight to the lunchroom, he slipped out the back door and made his way down to the older part of town.<p>

Kanda's words from last night still bounced around in his thoughts, and he couldn't help but to smile when he thought of the conversation. Invincible, impervious-to-feelings, apathetic Kanda had shown up at his doorstep and shown a side of himself that left Allen dumbfounded. He'd_ almost_ seemed human for a couple of seconds there.

The second he came within a block of Cross's home, he felt his peace of mind dissolve into complete dread. Fear attempted to close his throat entirely as he watched the sky darken with black smoke, the acrid smell of a campfire surviving off of rotten wood laced the air. He ran over to the front entrance of the house and his worst fears were confirmed; the building was a blaze of fire and flame and heat. This wasn't a simple kitchen fire that singed a room or two; this blaze devoured the entire structure, stripping paint with ember claws and biting into the wood with charred teeth. There were already officials on the scene, but even the blaring siren of the fire truck couldn't mask the sound of his heart beating beneath his chest.

The first officer he came across tried to stop him. "Hey, kid, you can't go in there!"

"Cross," Allen was having trouble calming down his thoughts to ask a simple question, "is Cross still in there?"

The officer grimaced, but still said, "We have confirmed the remnants of a body within the structure. It'll take a while to get the dental work back to confirm his identity, but it was probably the owner. You wouldn't happen to have the last name Walker, would you?"

Allen nodded, since words would no longer escape his throat. He used the word remnants, not a body, but _remains_.

He led Allen over to a pile of random salvaged objects and with heavy protective gloves, he pulled out a steel box. "It has the name A. Walker engraved on it, and is still intact. You might want to wait to open it, or else you could burn yourself on the hot metal."

Allen disregarded him the second he got a hold of the box. A loud cracking noise caught his attention and he looked up at the house in horror. Crashing and spewing out of embers, the flames turned into a giant inferno as the structure collapsed. It was now nothing more than a bundle of firewood.

"How did this happen?" He asked quietly. The shock was preventing him from feeling anything; he was dizzy and nauseous and focused on not throwing up at this point.

"Cigarette left burning after the owner fell asleep is our best guess. This community's never going to be the same after this; the man basically led them all in strong faith." The officer trailed off in respect, but Allen began to tune him out and stared off into the roaring blaze. Firefighters were already attempting to put it out, but it was too late. Everything once there was long gone.

Suddenly someone pulled him back by the shoulder, extremely winded and face painted with the same look of trauma.

"Allen, why'd you run off? What the hell happened here?"

"I could've been here!" Allen yelled in histrionics and ripped Kanda's hand off of him.

"Allen, I had no idea that," Kanda stopped when Allen wouldn't let him continue talking.

"He's dead, Kanda," Allen pointed at the smoking remnants of the house, "he was still in there!"

"I-"

"You took away my last chance to see him!" Allen felt tears rolling down his cheeks. The only memory left of Mana was gone; the only family he had left was gone. If he hadn't been trapped at the school last night, he could've seen Cross. He could've gotten some answers; he could've prevented this altogether.

"It's not my damn fault, Allen! When people go looking for answers for arson, when they go looking for what Cross was protecting, they are going to look for the closest person to him. Someone obviously did this on purpose, and all evidence that links you to Cross is gone. Deleted, shredded into tiny bits, erased from existence. Now you're out of harm's way, and who says you wouldn't have burned up along with him if you'd been here? I did you a favor by getting you out of there!" He yelled back in bitter anger.

"Who exactly is going to come after me? What is he protecting? You're making no damn sense, and you never have! Just get out of here, Kanda!" Allen said as he pushed him away once again. Kanda, realizing that his presence was only making it worse, left with a stuttered, angry apology.

Allen sat down on a curb, and wiped away his bitter tears rolling down his cheeks. _Cross may have been a bastard, but he was all I had left_. Realizing the scorching box was still in his hand, he inspected it for a lock. Once he found it, he noticed it had a four-letter word password on separate spinning dials. Without a second thought, he flipped each dial until it spelled out M-A-N-A. The box immediately clicked open.

The first thing he seized was a note, written sloppily and hastily.

_Idiot, I hope you don't actually think I'm dead._

Allen reread that line at least four more times until he nearly fell over in complete disbelief.

_Communications fell out with someone, and it's impossible to stay here any longer. Can't tell you any more. Smart move on your part to ditch the house last night, but it's possible you're going to be targeted in an attempt to find me. If absolutely necessary, go to Anita's Warehouse off Fourth St. Mention me, and they'll get you out of town within the next day. By the way, when I say necessary, I mean life or death situation. Don't get killed, idiot. P.S.- I packed up all your shit in a suitcase behind the dumpster behind the house. You definitely owe me._

He wanted to look through the box longer, but decided that lingering here was a horrible decision if someone was actually going to target him. Realizing that he'd yelled at Kanda for absolutely no reason left him a little embarrassed, but then again, putting on a temper-tantrum only strengthened the idea of Cross truly being dead. Allen obviously needed to keep up the facade that he was dead for as long as possible, anyway.

_But who was out to get him?_ It obviously had something to do with Cross's decision to move here, but what would force him to burn his house down and leave in the middle of the night?

Allen headed to where Cross said he put Allen's things, and sure enough, all his stuff was packed up. It almost made him want to tear up; Cross not only gave him an escape route, but he also salvaged all Allen's things. _He really does care,_ Allen thought in mock sarcasm.

As he started the long walk back, he heard Kanda's familiar voice. Creeping down the back alley from where the source was coming from, he listened in.

"The other bastards got to him first. Look, I can't linger around here anymore; I'm sure they have spies watching this go down too."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll pick up next time. Bye."

Allen backed out of the alley in horror; Kanda was one of the people planning to kill Cross. Which meant that he would be after him next.

* * *

><p><strong>Did anyone have a moment of panic when they thought Cross was dead? *evil laughter*<strong>

**Next chapter: Will we finally find out what the hell Kanda is up to?! (Actually, you really might. I'm serious this time.) Who is pursuing Cross? And what does Tyki have planned?**

**(I was grinning like an idiot when I read your reviews because you all are so sweet! Until next update!)**


	9. Memories Are Easily Forgotten

The dimming rays of sunlight painted his room, orang dripping from his clothes like a candle clinging to a dying wick. The smoke was gone, but the smell wasn't; his glove was practically an ashtray, skin scalding from holding the box. He let the floor carry the burden of a box, slipping to his bottom and struggling to get the blackened fabric off.

A haphazard pile grew as he struggled with the clothes, but changing didn't held; the sweater he hid in couldn't mask the odor attached to his skin.

Nudging the box closer to him, he spun the dials once again until it popped open. At a first glance, it only contained the singed note, but the inside seemed way too shallow compared to the size of the box. He looked all around the sides and bottom of the box: no buttons, triggers, or even any sign of another opening.

"The man still manages to annoy me even when he's not here," Allen muttered while knocking on the metal. Suddenly, a rattling came out from the bottom of the box. He checked the shivering and shuddering compartment again. There was a small indent in the bottom; he hadn't noticed until a dying ray of the sunset illuminated the insides.

He pressed his finger into the depression. It clicked, tumblers unlocking and arguing with one another. What had first been the bottom of the box folded up to the sides and revealed another inner compartment. Leaning over to get a better look didn't seem like a dangerous idea at the time, but a golden firework whizzed out, smacking him square in the face.

"What the hell was that?!" Tne room was empty, air with a guilty feeling as if it were caught in a lie.

"Ow!" Looking down at his hand, he blinked a couple of times just to be sure he wasn't seeing things. There was a small, golden object currently gnawing on his finger._ Wings,_ he thought in disbelief,_ it has wings._

_And a mouth,_ he added resentfully, as it continued to chew on his finger.

The cross-like marking on the animate sphere no doubt had something to do with the real Cross. When Allen finally managed to tug it off of his finger, the tiny creature sat on the ground in front of him and convulsed as if it were about to hack up a hairball. It spat out a crumpled up piece of paper.

_Take good care of my golem, Timcampy. -Cross_

"Timcampy?" Allen questioned as he looked over the note and back at the golem. It nodded its head in agreement.

"You're strange," Allen decided, but then gave the little figure his best grin, "but I don't mind. Would you like to accompany me, Tim?"

To answer his question, Timcampy sprung up from the ground and landed softly on top of Allen's head.

Allen continued to rifle through the rest of the box as Timcampy nestled into his hair.

"Cross's gun?" He lifted the weighted weapon out of the box and inspected it. This was definitely Cross's gun; Guns weren't exactly his specialty, but one thing he knew was the unique auto revolver feature. Plus, it had an ornate, silver design swirling around the handle and curling around the barrel.

There weren't any bullets. Looking back at the gun, however, he noticed it was fully loaded with no signs of a safety lock. Allen quickly fumbled to create distance between he and the gun, tossing it back in the box.

"But why would he leave this to me? Timcampy, do you know anything about this?" Tim shook his head. _No clue, huh_. Just as he was about to close the box, something caught his eye again; was that another indentation beneath where the gun had been?

As he pressed the box again, it folded just as before and Allen fought the urge to just throw the headache out the window. Something shimmering at the bottom, a a pearl hidden in the unhinged jaw of its owner.

A necklace?

It was a simple silver chain, but the pendant on it was what caught his attention. The fragile pattern consisted of a circle within a circle, both with strange markings on them. Both of the rings had thin pieces of ebony metal plated across them in the form of little symbols, varying from lines to arcs to circles.

Intermittent obsidian symbols stood out against the base; each different one wreathed around the two silver, fundamental rings. The entire pendant looked oddly familiar, and he pulled it close up to his face where it glimmered beneath the sun's touch.

It took him a minute to realize he hadn't taken a breath since he retrieved it from the box.

Then it clicked; this was Mana's pattern. He dropped the pendant as his hand trembled too much to hold on to it. This symbol was the beginning of it all.

_"Mana, why do they all keep looking at me?"_

He didn't want to remember.

_The broad man turned around and eyed Allen curiously. He bent down to his height and ruffled his hair._

_"Who's looking at you, Allen?" Could he not see them? Allen looked to his left and right; there were people crowding around him, disheveled and wounded. One small girl was crying out to him, but couldn't seem to get close and was swept up in the crowd. A man was yelling, screaming at him; he was covered in blood. No matter where he looked, it was a sea of red and dark purple flames that surrounded the people._

_"I'm scared, Mana!" Allen yelled._

_The man pulled him in close, and replied, "There's nothing to be scared of, silly. You're just popular, can't you tell?" He pointed over to the left, "That person over there, do you see her?"_

_Allen looked remorsefully over in that direction and picked out the little girl from the horrifying crowd again. He nodded and started wiping off his face._

_She came closer this time, walking all the way up to Allen. The closer she got, the more horrified he became. Her hair was cut up in different places, and she had stitching marks holding together her joints. They were made of loose string, and he could see bones where the stitching was giving away._

_"Al-," She reached out for his hand,"-Len."_

_He screamed out more in fear than in pain when she touched his left hand; a burning sensation spiked up and he tried to break away from her grip._

_Mana looked around until he found a suitable plant, broke off a stick, and then came back to kneel in front of Allen._

_"Make them go away! Please, help me!" Mana just smiled and began to draw in the fresh snow with the stick he'd found. Two circular rings, with lots of different markings. Once he seemed satisfied with the design, he put down his drawing tool and touched the circles with his hands._

_There was a bright flash that blinded Allen; everything went white, like a flurry of snow. When the light died down, everyone was gone. The streets were empty, and snow was falling from the sky, returning peace once again to the city. Mana put the stick in Allen's hand._

_"Do you see this mark? If you're ever in trouble," he guided his hand and drew out the circles once again, "remember this; remember me. I will always be with you, even when I am not."_

The necklace was cutting into his palms and he was positive tears were doing the same thing to his cheeks. The more he thought about it, he realized that Mana hadn't even seen any of the people. Mana still played along as if he saw what Allen did. _Why, Mana?_

He tied the necklace around his neck, leaving it loosely hanging over his collar bones. Crawling into bed, he hid beneath the covers while Timcampy napped on the pillow beside his head. No wonder the girl in the basement reminded him of Mana; she was almost identical to the one who approached him as a child.

_Mana,_ he thought_, why did you have to die?_

* * *

><p>He woke up disoriented and freezing, not recognizing the dorm room for a few seconds. The sun still hadn't risen, but the morning twilight was definitely preparing to bother him. He looked over sleepily at Tim, who was slowly rising and falling in a deep sleep. <em>I wonder if he'll be okay in my room for the day.<em>

After crawling out of the shower, Allen looked in the mirror and grimaced at the state of his face. There wasn't any more hiding. After changing into his usual uniform and making sure the knot on his bow was tight, he tucked the necklace beneath his collar. Grabbing his stuff and saying a heartfelt goodbye to the golem, he made his way over to his homeroom class. _Not too many people around_, he noticed,_ it's still early_. Nonetheless, he stepped into his class even before the first bell rang. "Oh, Miss Miranda! Is it okay if I'm here a little-"?

"Allen!" She yelled, and nearly knocked him over in an embrace of tears.

"What did I do wrong? Please don't cry!" He yelled, taken aback.

"I heard," she spoke through her sobs, "I heard about what happened to your house, and your father! I cursed him, Allen; I wanted him dead for what he did! But I didn't really mean it! This is my entire fault! I'm a murderer! Please forgive me, Allen!" She clutched onto his clothes and was beginning to soak through his vest and white button-down underneath.

"It's not your fault at all, Miranda. These things just happen," he murmured.

She pulled her face out of his chest and trembled. Wiping away her tears, she said, "I should be the one cheering you up, but instead you're taking care of me. I'm so selfish."

Allen smiled back and said, "Let's just both give being happy our best shot, okay?" She nodded, smiling through her tears. _  
><em>

He took a seat in the back and, for once, enjoyed being in school. It was just about the only normalcy he had left and cherished his moments in this classroom. The first bell eventually rang, leading students to slowly filter into the room in chattering groups.

Eventually he saw Kanda walk in; apparently the sight of Allen sent him into shock once again, and he froze while staring at him from the door. It'd only taken the brisk walk home for Allen to cool off and realize that whatever Kanda was up to, it didn't involve him.

Kanda eventually snapped out of it when a couple of students couldn't get past him as he blocked the doorway. He stoically turned on his heel and left the classroom just as quickly as he entered_. Since when did he lose his composure so easily? Maybe getting called a murderer and your friend dying in the same day wasn't exactly easy to get over._

Before he could even consider getting up to go apologize, he noticed Lenalee walking toward him. Her eyes held a sadness much like Miranda's had.

"Lenalee?" He stiffened up as she cried silently into his chest.

Muffled by the fabric of his shirt, she said, "I heard what happened, Allen. I'm so sorry."

"Oh, Lenalee, it's okay, really. Please don't cry for my sake," he replied softly while stroking her hair. She sniffed and loosed her embrace, looking at him with a watered down smile.

"You're so strong, Allen. If I lost my brother, I can't say I'd ever come back from that; even thinking about it makes me scared. You know I'm always here for you, right?"

"AAAAAAALLLEN!" Lavi tackled Allen to the ground in a teary and heartfelt greeting.

"I'm so sorry, Allen! About your house, and your old man, and-" Lavi continued on a long list of apologies, including almost getting him killed.

She grabbed Lavi by the ear and pulled him off Allen. Scolding Lavi about any excuse she possible, Allen took this chance to escape the pair and make it back to his desk. Miranda, still too broken up to give a lesson, gave the class a silent study hall and ran off to presumably cry in the teachers' lounge.

Cross didn't even die. _What a bastard._

The bell eventually rolled by, and after one more boring class, he made his way over to the lunchroom conversing with Lenalee. Much to his surprise, Kanda was already sitting at the table, quietly eating by himself.

"Yuu, why'd you skip class?" Lavi asked as he put his food down next to Kanda. Lenalee nodded in agreement, and he merely looked up at them both wearily. It was obvious he hadn't slept and just muttered some excuse about being busy.

They continued on with idle chatter, Allen focusing mostly on his food. He looked over at Kanda a couple of times, who was eyeing him nervously, and responded with a slight smile. This made the other almost choke on his soba, and Lenalee looked over in concern.

"Kanda, we all need to try our best to be cheerful for Allen!" She said. Kanda didn't say anything, and continued to pick at his food.

"At any rate, are we still going to that party this weekend?" Lavi asked. Allen had almost forgotten, and the obvious surprise on Lenalee's face meant she had too.

"No," Kanda said immediately. "We already decided against that, idiot."

"Well, I'm going," Allen said without skipping a beat. At first he'd completely thrown out the idea the second he heard Tyki was involved in a murder plot. But if Kanda wasn't going to tell him anything, then he'd have to play someone else's game.

Kanda's eyes widened, but before he could protest, Lavi beat him to the punch.

"Yeah, let's go Allen! You can be my wingman!" Allen tilted his head and smiled, glad that someone was excited. More glad about not having to go alone, mostly, but the excitement still helped.

"I'm not going to be left out, you guys!" Lenalee yelled.

"Lenalee, if you go, will you stay by Lavi or I?"

"Are you worried about me? You should be more worried about yourself, Allen. With a cute face like that, you're going to be whisked away into the night in seconds," Lenalee said while laughing.

Allen paled at the thought, but decided that neither his looks nor his age were going to get in his way. Kanda's hand twitched and eyes darkened when he realized that there was no way he was going to stop them.

"Have fun at home, Kanda," Lavi said as the bell rang.

"You know what? I'll come too," Kanda said while glaring at Allen.

* * *

><p>"No, he should wear this!"<p>

"Lavi, that's all wrong! Look, match this, with this."

"But Lenalee, _this l_ooks so much better than_ that_!"

Allen sat on the side of Lavi's bed like a misplaced doll and watched them bicker over what he should wear.

He was apparently not "capable" of choosing his own clothes, nor was Kanda capable of caring.

"Allen, Kanda, wait outside while we finish deciding. I want it to be a surprise!" Lenalee said and effectively kicked them out of the room.

"So violent," Allen muttered when the wave of air from the slammed door slapped his back.

"Beansprout. You know what you're getting into, don't you?" Kanda said quietly.

"You don't sound as angry as you usually do," Allen replied nonchalantly. Kanda just pursed his lips and waited on an answer. "Yes, Kanda, I'll be fine. Sheesh, you worry like an old maid."

"What did you just say?" Kanda growled while twitching.

"Look," Allen started but then faltered under Kanda's icy stare. "I'm sorry about yesterday. You were stressed about Daisya, and I was stressed about my house burning down; can we just call it even? I'm not going to this party because I want to, you know. You don't really need to come along."

"I'm coming for my own reasons," Kanda said, anger replacing his apathy. "If you're doing this reckless stunt just to ask a couple of questions, then you're a bigger idiot than I first thought. Don't expect me to have your back."

"Allen, get back in here!"

"That's my cue. Let's both try our best not to get killed, right?" Allen said and then stepped in.

Kanda reached out to say something, but he already left. He clenched his fists and stewed over his inability to do anything.

_"Quick, put this on, before Lavi can dress you!"_

First, he was going to get his sword back.

_"I'm not changing in front of you guys!" _

Then, he was going to drive it straight through Tyki's smug face.

_"Well, go into the bathroom or something!"_

And he was definitely going to protect Allen.

* * *

><p>"But Lenalee, that's just so plain," Lavi complained while looking dismally at Allen.<p>

"I think it suits him. And it's better than that flashy garbage you wanted him to wear," she argued.

Allen looked at himself in the mirror; it was simple, but Lenalee created the perfect balance for him. She picked out a navy V-neck, long-sleeved thankfully, that had one white vertical stripe on the left. Disheartened but still allowing it, she let Allen tuck in his white skinny jeans into his tall boots; a black belt making his waist stand out. What he favored the most, however, were maroon gloves Lenalee picked out. They were made of soft leather, almost like something an old airplane pilot would wear, and the color was a deep crimson. It was almost a little creepy to how close she matched the actual color of his poisoned skin.

"It looks really nice. Thanks, Lenalee. I can't believe you even thought of gloves," Allen said while hugging her.

She blushed and tried to wave off his compliment. "It was nothing! I just knew you wouldn't go anywhere without those things."

"It looks a bit too nautical, don't you think? I think Lenalee had a bit too much fun playing dress up," Kanda murmured over at Allen. The navy, maroon, and white did have the essence of a sailor, he supposed. Lenalee shot a glare over in his direction and just shrugged his shoulders.

"Hey, wait, Allen. Where'd you get that necklace?" Lenalee asked. He almost forgot that he was wearing it, and touched his neck.

"It's a keepsake from someone," Allen said fondly as he looked down at it.

"Well, it matches nicely," Lenalee said while smiling.

"Done," Kanda said, the three of them turned around, and somehow Kanda had already changed. It wasn't much of a surprise, just a simple grey jacket over darker jeans.

"That's even more depressing and boring than Allen, Kanda. At least let me give you some gold or-" He stopped when Kanda's glare took away his words. He was aiming at stealth, not fashion, Allen noticed.

_ Just what was Kanda going to do tonight?_

"Let's go already, you guys! We need to get off campus before my brother finds out!"

* * *

><p>"Woah, look at the size of this place! And all the people!" Lavi exclaimed.<p>

"When he said mansion, he wasn't kidding!"

"A lot of ground to cover," Kanda muttered under his breath.

Allen had been at a loss for words ever since they stepped in the front gate; first off, _this house had a front gate._ It looked about the size of the school, but with a much more polished and modern look. The gardens out front were filled with roses and long expanses of trimmed hedges, winding back to fountains. People were already scattered around the gardens, drinking and laughing. However, most of the crowd was up ahead, along with booming music and bright, multicolored lights that cut through the cold night air.

"It's beautiful," Allen said in awe. Beautiful was an understatement.

The entire bottom floor was made up of glass; everything reflected off the shimmering surface like polished mirrors. Just about everyone was dancing, although some better than others. It was easy to pick out who had already had too much to drink.

"First things first," Lavi yelled over the music, "drinks for everyone!"

"Lavi, Allen is only fifteen," Lenalee pouted.

"I think it's Allen's decision," Lavi said while winking at him.

Peer pressure is a real and tangible concept.

"Sure, pour me one," Allen said while grinning. Lavi cheered and ran off to go find out where they were keeping the alcohol, returning moments later with four shots. He handed one to each of them and held it up in the air for a toast. Allen raised his too, and an uncertain but excited Lenalee matched them.

"Yuu, come on," Lavi whined, beckoning for him to raise his glass. Rolling his eyes, he held it up as if it was physically painful to do so.

"To the greatest people I know," Lavi cheered, and then clinked glasses. Kanda pounded the clear alcohol and then put the glass in Allen's hand. He leaned in close to his ear and whispered, "Don't make a fool of yourself, and don't get killed."

"Wait, Kanda!" Lavi said, calling out to him as he disappeared within the crowd.

Allen winced at the bitter taste that burned all the way down his throat; _did people really do this for fun?_

"What'd he say, Allen?" Lenalee asked. Allen noticed she was still holding her drink.

"I couldn't tell," he lied.

"Lenalee, are you not going to drink?" Lavi asked when he noticed her full glass, too.

"Lavi, you know that I don't drink with big groups like this," she scolded, "but I didn't want to ruin your cute toast."

"Oh well, more for Allen," he said while grinning and took the drink from Lenalee's hand, placing it in Allen's.

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea, Lavi," Lenalee and Allen said in unison.

"Hmm," Lavi rubbed his chin, "you're probably right. He is a little too young; that's okay, Allen, I'll take care of it." Allen's face flushed with embarrassment and he drank it through pursed lips.

"Now who's too young?" He said triumphantly.

"Not me!" Lavi said while grinning.

"Let's go dance!" Lenalee said and led the two into the crowd with her.

* * *

><p>Allen finally sat down a little ways from Lavi and Lenalee, who were still dancing. Lavi was blatantly drunk, which both Allen and Lenalee agreed was camera worthy later. To tell the truth, Allen wasn't feeling too sober himself, but not in the way he'd expected. Everything was extremely hazy and dizzy, but it was probably due to a lack of sleep more than anything else. He'd made sure to listen to Lenalee's advice not to take any drink that didn't come from either her or Lavi, and to always be holding something, even if he wasn't going to drink it.<p>

After four different attempts from different people to hand him something, Allen was starting to become a lot more disillusioned with the party scene. He was too polite to avoid anyone altogether, and definitely had some conversations he would never forget. People had left the realm of lighthearted dancing as they all slowly lost their sobriety; he was glad he didn't talk Lavi's bait again and didn't end up looking like an idiot like Kanda had warned him.

There was no way the strange tingling all over was alcohol. His vision seemed to be ever-changing the room into different textures and settings, only to revert to normal after he blinked a couple of times. The glass around him looked like a giant prism, reflecting the lights everywhere in a colorful haze. He felt warm, and light and-

Damn it, he'd definitely been drugged.

_Think, think, think. How could it have happened?_

"Hmm? Is that you, Allen?" He looked up, and realized Tyki had finally spotted him. Finally, after a good two hours he was getting somewhere. Actually, he was positive Tyki noticed him sooner, but was waiting for a chance to talk to him without Lavi and Lenalee. _Time to roll the dice_, he thought and smiled politely back.

"Oh, Tyki! I was hoping I'd find you eventually," he replied.

"Mind if I sit?" He asked. Allen shook his head and made room on the plush couch. Even though he made space, Tyki still sat as close as possible to him. Allen silently thanked the alcohol for giving him the courage to not even be phased by a murderer in his personal space.

_Weird,_ Allen thought, _Tyki isn't dressed up at all. Maybe I'm just used to him dressing nice all the time, though. He looked rather disheveled, with a loosened tie over a slightly unbuttoned white shirt._

"Enjoying yourself? They seem to be," He asked while lighting a cigarette. Allen looked over and saw Lenalee and Lavi laughing while pushing each other around. _They'd make a cute couple,_ he realized, and blushed a little at the thought of it. Lavi said he'd come to the party to meet chicks, but ended up barely talking to any girl other than Lenalee.

"Yeah, they seem to really be having fun. Lavi sure is going to regret drinking that much," He said while laughing.

He turned his attention back to Tyki, who hadn't taken his eyes from Allen yet._ He sure doesn't seem like a murderer,_ Allen thought_. He's actually quite handsome. I really don't get what's so interesting about me, though._

Lenalee once mentioned how young he was, in contrast with his looks. _18, maybe 19_, she said with a pencil resting on her lips._ But he sure looks olf/._

"This may not be the time and place, but I'm sorry about what happened to your father, Allen," he said sincerely.

"Oh, thank you. It's so sweet of you to care," Allen replied politely.

Was he really supposed to believe he killed Daisya? Everything about Tyki made him feel warm and comfortable, and he found himself fighting the urge to get caught up in the moment.

_It's the drugs, Allen. Don't lose it,_ he reminded himself. He fell back into reality once again, and his hand was starting to hurt.

"Are you okay?" Tyki put a hand on his cheek and looked even more concerned. "You're burning up, Allen."

_It's burning,_ he thought as his eyes widened. _My hand is burning_. The entire world seemed to be collapsing in on itself all of a sudden; the room was spinning so quickly that he had to shut his eyes. This was only supposed to happen when ghost touched him, right? What was going on? Other people see, talk, and mention Tyki, so he's obviously alive!

"Allen?"

'I think someone," his throat was burning, and his entire body was going numb, "I think someone put something in my drink."

Lavi or Lenalee; one of them put something in my drink. He collapsed, luckily on Tyki's shoulder instead of smacking his head on the hardwood floor. Tyki looked around the room; whoever did it was probably watching. Allen was still breathing, much to his relief.

"Just passed out from shock, then," he said, but Allen looked dead to the world.

"This was probably a little shy of an overdose," he muttered, while noticing how scarlet Allen was turning. But who wanted to knock him out so bad that they'd use such heavy narcotics?

"Hmm?" Tyki looked at Allen again, this time noticing the necklace he was wearing. He held the metal pendant in one hand and ran his finger on the grooved surface.

"Why is this pattern so familiar?"_  
><em>

* * *

><p>Allen was suddenly thrown back into awareness, and tried to regain his bearings. He blinked a couple of times before looking around; it was quiet, which he appreciated. First order of business: who, what, where, when, and why?<p>

Someone had laid him down a couch, much like the one he passed out on.

Hopefully Lenalee and Lavi weren't too worried; time was a superfluous concept at the moment. He saw some blurry stairs down to his left, obviously leading back down. The floor was vibrating from the noise downstairs, and he nearly fell over when he stood up.

_My head feels like it's splitting,_ he thought and looked at the now looming obstacle that was the stairs. _I'm going to end up somersaulting down those if I don't regain my balance._

"Where do you think you're going?" Allen turned around, but didn't see anyone trying to stop him.

"Me?" Allen asked as he looked into the darkness of the hall behind him.

"I don't have time for this!" No, other people were on this floor, and they weren't being very quiet about it.

Kanda and Tyki. Those were both of their voices. He turned away from the stairs and followed the shouting, which led him through a twisting and turning hallway. He picked up the pace when he heard what sounded like gunshots. _What the hell was going on?_ He eventually stumbled into a large room; it didn't look like it was used for much. The moonlight shining through the wall of glass windows revealed a simple couch, table, and fireplace on the back wall. Along with Tyki, Kanda, and two faces he didn't recognize.

"Allen?" Tyki and Kanda said in disbelief. Allen squinted through his double vision; Kanda was holding a sword_, in this day and age_, and the two unfamiliar figures, hiding in the shadows of the room sported guns. Guns they were pointing at Kanda.

One of them pointed his gun over at Allen. "'This the Walker kid?"

"Get out of here, idiot! Now!" Kanda yelled.

_Act oblivious, blunt, and naïve. No one will expect any different from me,_ Allen thought.

"So dramatic, like always, Kanda. Now's a good of time as any," Allen said and glared at all four of them, "so, which one of you killed Cross?"

The room went silent and they all looked over at each other. Did none of them actually know the answer? Suddenly Tyki's laughter picked up, and he said, "Upfront, I like that. Cross took himself out before the Order could, Allen."

"Order?" Allen questioned.

"Run away while you still can, damn it!" A bullet flashed by Kanda's head narrowly missing him but still managing to scratch his face.

"Devit. Jasdero. Hold your fire," Tyki said while lighting a cigarette.

"Want to talk? Maybe your jealous boyfriend will keep you in the dark, but I think it's rather cruel."

"You know this is a trap, you idiot! No matter what you've been drugged with-" Another bullet flew over his head and he jumped back.

"I'm not stupid, Kanda, despite what you think," Allen replied.

Being a hostage wasn't the setting he assumed when he first thought of finally getting answers. However, he already said he would play the game according to their rules.

"The Black Order, the resistance group, and the rest of us blacklisted as The Noah Clan. There are the good guys, the bad guys, and the ones who refuse to pick a side. But there isn't a difference between any of us."

"Damn it, you know that's not true! We're fighting to protect the innocence, instead of destroy it like the rest of you," Kanda yelled back.

Tyki pointed his cigarette over in Kanda's direction. "You're still chasing that pipe dream of restoring the Order to its former self? Don't make me laugh. See, here, Allen, we have a bitter dissenter of the Order. A whole group of them broke off, and eventually got labeled as the resistance or renegade group because they wouldn't stop meddling in affairs they weren't really invited to."

"I hate to ask, but," Allen's face blushed in embarrassment, "what exactly is this innocence you're all so preoccupied with? Why is it worth killing each other, exactly?"

Tyki nearly fell off the couch, and looked over at Kanda in disbelief. "You're really kept this kid like a wet match, haven't you?" Kanda didn't reply but gripped his sword tighter in anger.

"It's the glowing green stuff that's causing wars and destroying the system," one of the gunmen said.

"We're just cleaning up the mess _he_ left," the other said in a mocking tone.

Allen looked over to Tyki for clarification. He blew out a puff of smoke and continued, "Innocence is a sort of material humans shouldn't have gotten their hands on. Back when the Order was first created, it was fine to have it around; they just used the stuff like holy water and called themselves "Exorcists". They only used it for purging and saving monsters and demons like perfect little saints. But then people got greedy and started finding new ways to use it; applying it to technology, using it in warfare, exploiting it in any way possible."

He rested his hand on his chin while pondered over what he should just skip ahead to. "The Order eventually decided it was too dangerous to keep around, supposedly destroyed everything they'd collected, including the exorcist's weapons. That made our lives easier, but the Order itself needs to dissolve; they still have some innocence left and bargain with countries, exchanging the stuff for a heavy price. So much for destroying it. How did this corruption start, you may ask?"

"Malcolm Leverrier," Kanda hissed.

"You're still here, samurai? I'd assume you'd want a running start to protect that innocence of your own. But look at how friendly you've gotten; we're already finishing each other's sentences. Too bad we've run out of time to chat," Tyki said while standing up.

Kanda had innocence.

"That's how you defeated the girl when we first met, isn't it Kanda?" Allen said as he pieced it together. No wonder he destroyed the camera.

"Beansprout," Kanda hissed, "you promised me you weren't going to die tonight. You got what you wanted, didn't you?"

"Not really, to be-"

Time was up.

The room started moving frame by frame; Kanda raised his sword up, and then hurled it straight at Tyki. Allen ducked and headed for the exit, but he wasn't quick enough. A bullet hit him in the shoulder, but instead of piercing his skin it exploded upon contact and smashed him into the glass wall. He couldn't seem to recover quick enough to pull himself up, and the entire room was swaying like a ship on rough seas.

He was out of his league, completely and utterly outsmarted, not even on the same level.

"You're an interesting boy, Allen," Tyki said while walking over to him. "What did you actually come here for?"

"Don't touch him," Kanda said through gritted teeth. He materialized his sword in his left hand, but Tyki merely scoffed.

"You have what you came for, Yuu Kanda. As I recall, you're the one who knocked Allen into this drugged state in the first place."

Allen noticed it; there was a lack of enthusiasm darkening Tyki's eyes. He was bored, eyes snagging on anything with a shred of entertainment. Which was Allen, unfortunately.

He wanted to act surprised at Tyki's accusation, but he'd already figured it out at this point. Kanda did it when he leaned over to whisper in his ear.

_And I can't esca__pe because of it, damn it,_ Allen thought. Staying conscious was a challenge in itself at this point. Out of his league, completely and utterly outsmarted, not even on the same level.

"He was supposed to pass out within the hour, and then Lavi and Lenalee would've taken him home. I even put extra in Lenalee's drink, because I knew she wouldn't touch it. But you didn't," Kanda stopped and grimaced, "you just wouldn't give up, would you, idiot?"

Allen felt anger boil in his blood and ready to curse up a storm. "You could've killed me, you-" Tyki leaned in and stopped Allen's outburst with a soft kiss, pressing his hands up against the cracked glass above each of Allen's shoulders.

He didn't sense a predatory instinct._ The boredom clouding his golden irises, searching for anything, anything, anything interesting..._

"Eh, Tyki? What are you-" Devit said, pointing over at him, but his hand went limp when he realized what was going on.

"I don't think this was part of the plan, Tyki," Jasdero said awkwardly while scratching his head.

It was a pity, rather than anger, that he felt. Tyki wasn't going to find what he was looking for in anyone; Allen could feel it in the strange softness of his touch.

The end of Kanda's katana hit the floor with a metallic rattle, and he looked over in disbelief. Tyki didn't so much as look in his direction as he continued to kiss Allen, who wasn't exactly struggling. The longer this went on, the more he knew Tyki was realizing he was completely and utterly _lonely._

Kanda's jaw slightly dropped in disgust, and he looked over at the other two, who just shrugged their shoulders. And then a moment of silence came over the entire group.

Devit started impatiently tapping his boot and looked away while muttering, "I think you've made your point, Tyki. Let the kid up for air already. We were sort of in the middle of something."

"Come on, he's gonna pass out if you don't let him breathe," Jadero said while sighing in defeat.

"Jasdero, look," he poked the other with his elbow, "he's turned to stone," Devit said quietly and pointed at Kanda.

"More like a hot coal; he's blushing more than the Walker kid. We should just shoot Kanda and put him out of his misery," Jasdero whispered back.

After a couple more moments of an unbearable silence, Tyki finally brushed Allen's cheek and pulled away.

"You aren't going to find what you're looking for here, Tyki," Allen murmured.

"Can't say I know what you're talking about," Tyki replied, smiling with a contradicting bitterness.

"You," Allen pointed over at Kanda, "and you," Allen pointed over at Tyki, "are both going to pay. For drugging me, and for unfairly kissing me."

"All is fair in love and war," Tyki merely replied while grinning, one of those grins that put them on equal ground. It was an equivalent exchange, in the end, with an unusual exchange fee.

Suddenly they all heard the shattering of glass; Kanda looked over in horror where Allen had purposefully kicked the window in.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Allen?" Kanda yelled.

"He isn't gonna-?" Jasdero and Devit said at the same time.

"Kanda," Allen smiled curtly, "don't make a fool out of yourself, and don't die."

Allen was acting strong, but still couldn't get enough air to think, much less talk. He only knew one thing: if any of them found out about his arm, he was dead. Without waiting for a response to either Tyki or Kanda, he fell backward and out the window. Tyki barely missed grabbing the front of his shirt and cursed when he grabbed at thin air.

A silence fell over the room. "Tyki, did you just let him fall out the window? We're on the fourth floor," Jasdero said nervously.

Allen cheered in triumph; only to cry out in fear when his assumption that he was on the second floor was wrong; he was twice as high up and free-falling to what would be the crash-landing of the century. He winced as he was about to hit the ground, but just before impact, everything stopped. Allen opened his eyes.

"I knew there was something I liked about him," Tyki said as he peeked over the edge of the window.

"Timcampy? How did you get so big?" Allen asked in surprise, but spoke too soon. Timcampy reverted back to regular size, causing Allen to fall to the ground and effectively crush Tim.

"Ah, I'm so sorry!" Allen said as he pulled the golem out of the indent it made in the lawn.

"Oi, Allen? Did you have a safe landing?" Tyki fell back from the window's edge, a little disappointed. "Huh, he's already gone."

Kanda, still speechless, turned on his heel and made a dash to escape, narrowly avoiding a shower of bullets.

"Devit, Jasdero. Go after them for me, would you?"

* * *

><p><strong>Lots of important stuff and a lot of me being an idiot. <strong>**Anyway, happy Valentine's Day! If I could kiss you all till your lungs give out, I would. Thank you for all the support and love. *hugs you all***

**Who's happy that Kanda finally has his sword back and can FINALLY kick some much-needed ass? Will they both be able to avoid the pursuit of Devit and Jasdero?**


	10. Don't Yell Gun! In a Crowded Room

Shrieks of laughter and the sound of gunshots followed him as he navigated his way down to the bottom floor. The upper floors were like a maze, and every wrong turn he made cost him valuable seconds to escape the twins' pursuit.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are, puny Kanda!" Devit yelled.

A bullet skimmed past his shoulder; damn it,_ they're going to catch up to me at this rate_. Finally he saw the stairs leading down to the glass room, and descended the stairs as quick as possible with bullets on his heels. There was still a large crowd, and he ducked inbetween people until it was impossible to pick him out of the party-goers.

"Damn it, what a coward," Devit muttered as he looked around the room. Jasdero, not bothered by his disappearance at all, raised his gun and cocked it.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? You can't open fire on all these bystanders!" Devit yelled and pulled the gun away from him.

"But if we just start shooting, we're sure to hit him eventually," Jasdero replied while fighting to get his gun back.

"I'll give it back if you go after the white-haired one," Devit bargained while holding the gun as far away as possible from the other. There's no way he could leave Kanda up to Jasdero if he wanted to shoot up a crowd without second thought.

"No fair! I wanted to shoot the one we can actually kill!"

"I'll snap your gun in half if you don't," Devit said menacingly. Jasdero was jumping over him to get the gun back but abruptly stopped at the threat.

"Besides, Tyki didn't say anything about what condition he had to be in. Alive was the only rule," Devit said while grinning.

"Fine," Jasdero pouted.

Devit gave back the much-coveted gun back and replied, "It's not going to take you long to catch him, so drag him back here as quick as possible. Kanda will probably give up if we use him as a hostage."

Jasdero groaned; this was too much work. Devit pushed him in the direction of the exit, and then Jasdero knocked over everyone in his warpath as he stormed out. Rolling his eyes at the other's temper tantrum, Devit scanned the crowd and silently had his own when he couldn't find Kanda. Even with his stupid hairstyle, the man was impossible to find.

"This would already be over if Tyki hadn't pulled that stupid stunt," he fumed and considering shooting aimlessly into the crowd himself.

"If you've got a complaint, take it up with the Earl," Tyki said politely as he appeared behind him.

"Where did you come from?!" Devit yelled and jumped back.

"I'm not a girl, jackass! Don't try to flirt with me!" Devit's head swiveled to look over at a very angry Kanda and an even more apologetic drunkard with the handle of a katana smashed against his head.

Tyki pointed into the crowd and said, "There he is."

"Well I obviously know that now!" Devit stormed off into the crowd and raised his gun. Anyone who noticed, a small few, screamed and ducked, but for the most part no one even paid attention. Kanda cursed when he saw Devit approaching him and ducked beneath more people, heading toward the exit.

* * *

><p>The second Kanda was out of the stuffy house, he weaved his way through the gardens while avoiding Devit's gunshots.<p>

"Come on, Kanda, running away is no fun!" He yelled out.

Ignoring him, Kanda continued to run until he came to a skidding halt at a dead-end;_ was this not the way to the exit?_ He silently wondered if this was how Allen felt all the time.

"You've got nowhere left to run," Devit said while grinning and opened fire. Kanda managed to pull out his sword in time to block the stray shots, but the last bullet Devit fired wasn't like the rest; it shattered into tiny blue shards when it connected with his sword. _My hand is frozen,_ he realized, when the skin started turning blue and the feeling left his fingertips.

"A little cold, huh?" Devit yelled and began firing again.

"Is that toy gun the best you've got?" Kanda muttered. There were a lot of bullets, but none too strong; Devit was the tiny brain, and Jasdero was the brawn of their circus act. Still, he couldn't underestimate Devit's marksmanship and stayed on guard.

Useless without feeling in his left hand, Kanda switched his katana into his other hand; although he wasn't as good offensively right-handed, he still could block. They both lost and gained ground, as Kanda got close enough to strike but Devit forced him back with an onslaught of bullets. Detonated by another Kanda's parry, one of the bullets shattered into a million pieces. This time, he noticed, the pieces were red. _If blue means cold, then red means…_

Kanda impulsively used his frozen hand to block the attack instead of his sword; the bullet thawed his skin to the point of burning, but at least the feeling was back. Even if it hurt like hell. The handle of his sword began to glow red and singed his skin from the heat surge released from the bullet. _He's just a damn sadist,_ Kanda thought, when he realized that Devit wasn't firing any bullets straight at him. They only nicked his sides, barely brushing his clothes.

"Knock it off already!" Kanda yelled.

"You're a sore loser," Devit replied haughtily and Kanda ducked beneath a bullet.

"And you're no good in close combat," Kanda replied, appearing behind Devit. The other yelped in surprise and narrowly avoided a direct jab from behind. With the next attack, he wasn't so lucky; Kanda managed to severely slice the side of his arm.

Devit cried out in pain and frantically started shooting bullets, throwing up a smokescreen around them. When the smoke finally died down, there was no sign of Kanda. He squinted off into the distance and saw a shadowy figure slowly getting smaller and smaller.

"You damn coward! You can't just run away!" Devit yelled while gripping his bleeding arm.

"I have no time to fight an incompetent idiot," Kanda yelled back.

"You are so dead!" Kanda didn't reply; he was already too far away to hear.

"Ah, damn it, I should be running!"

Kanda ignored Devit and ran off into town._ Wait, where was he running?_ He slowed down to a walking pace and realized he had no idea where Allen went. Stopping in the cover of a dark alleyway, he pulled out his phone and dialed Allen, hoping he'd just headed straight back to campus_._

_ You'd better be alive, Allen_.

* * *

><p>"Come back here, Walker!" Jasdero yelled as he chased him down another alleyway. There was no chance Allen was heading back to the campus; that's where Lenalee and Lavi were headed. Instead, he went to the part of town he knew best: the older, shadier part. Most of the buildings he passed were either abandoned or vacant, and the few beggars hiding out ran off when they heard the ricochet of bullets.<p>

Before escaping the gardens surrounding the mansion, he made sure to call Lenalee and made up an excuse to get her to leave. _The party was going to be busted by the cops soon,_ he said, and brushed over her questions about where he disappeared. After a promise from both sides to call once they made it home, he hung up more relieved than before. However, Jasdero managed to catch up with him by the time he hung up, and Timcampy and he were dancing around street-corners to the tune of gunshots.

_I can't involve anyone in this,_ he thought and made another turn. No matter how many paths and winding alleyways he took, Jasdero seemed to always be on his tail, shooting up the windows and buildings in a symphony of chipped bricks and shattering glass.

A stray bullet bit into his side, scraping his thigh but not piercing his skin. He winced but didn't stop running and evaded another bullet that whizzed over his head.

"If you would just stop running, I'd stop shooting, idiot!" Jasdero said.

"It's a little unfair to attack someone without a weapon!" Allen yelled back. _If I could just use my arm, I'd have a chance,_ Allen thought, but then the enemy would know he had innocence. Enemy being a loose term for everyone in general; he wasn't really sure who wasn't trying to kill him at this point.

_Everything is spinning again_, he noticed, and nearly tripped over his own feet. Drugs and alcohol did not mix with daring escapes and quick thinking, in fact, walking in a straight line would even be a nice luxury at this point.

"Hmm? You seem to be losing ground, Allen. Did someone party too hard?" Jasdero said while laughing. A bullet hit him in the small of his back this time, exploding like the one back at the mansion. A cloud of smoke filled the alley and the blast knocked him off his feet._ I can't keep going like this, eventually I'm going to end up passing out,_ he thought while struggling to stand back up.

Using the smoke to his advantage, he ducked into an abandoned bar, whose door was left ajar.

"Damn it, where'd you go?" Allen looked around, and noticed there was a partially-glass back door. With the dirty light coming through, he could tell that he would end up a street over if he ran out through there. If he could just make it over there, maybe he could throw Jasdero off his trail.

"Marco?"

_This guy is really an idiot, isn't he?_ He saw Jasdero's shadow within the smoke, and noticed that he started to walk away from the bar in disappointment. Just as he trudged down the opposite alleyway, Allen's cellphone went off.

"Shit," he muttered and frantically tried to shut it off as quickly as possible._ Kanda?_

"Found you!" Jasdero said and burst into the shop. He gave up on trying to turn the phone off and jumped behind the bar table behind him to avoid the rapid-fire bullets. Shattering glass and stray gunshots left his head ringing as Jasdero started shooting madly within the small space. Jasdero grinned as he leaned over the table and a final bullet went off. When the dust cleared, the room went silent. Eventually the shell casing hit the floor and clattered in the quiet room. Allen staggered forward, but still couldn't tell what happened. Looking down, he saw his shirt beginning to stain a rich maroon; _did Jasdero actually shoot him?_

He fell to the floor, collapsing on the sea of glass Jasdero had destroyed. "Look's like our game of tag is over," he said while leaning over Allen.

Jadero kicked him over onto his back, and Allen coughed up blood while trying to stand up. He couldn't make it past propping his body up with his arms and collapsed. When Allen looked up at Jasdero standing over him, he looked more worried than cocky. "Ah, shit! I was told not to kill you! This is bad, bad, bad! Tyki is never going to forgive me! And the Earl-"

"Earl?" Allen questioned weakly. He held tightly onto his stomach, but the pain was only intensifying. He was fading off, and Jasdero's face was blurring.

"No, Allen! Don't go towards the light!" Jasdero cried out while shaking him.

"The hell is 'goin on down here?" Jasdero promptly let go of Allen, who crashed to the glass-strewn floor once again, and looked at three figures standing in the window.

"Stay out of this, street rats!" Jasdero said while pointing his gun at the shadowy figures.

Three guns pointed back at his face, and Jasdero paled at the sight of the towering figures.

"You're in the wrong part of town to be acting all high and mighty, little girl," One said while cracking his knuckles.

"Shooting up the streets, commitin' murder; the hell you think you're in, a crime scene show?"

"Hey, long time no see, you guys," Allen said weakly when he recognized the voices.

"Hey, you guys, look! It's little Allen, the one who lived off Third Street!" One of them said in excitement._ Little?_ Allen thought while twitching.

"The preacher's kid? Man, the whole neighborhood thought you burned up with him! I'm going to tear up, you guys." They all patted him on the back; one of them muttering that there wasn't any shame in tears.

"You know these guys?" Jasdero asked in disbelief as he did a double take between Allen and the three gruff figures. They looked like your average, middle-aged unshaven mugger, each with enough height and muscle to crush anyone who passed by.

"We go way back. The funny thing is," the first guy said, "when I first met him, I was trying to rob him on his way to school. It turns out Allen is a lot tougher than he looks, and I really got my ass handed to me back there. Eventually he'd pass by me every morning, sitting out in the street, and would always smile and wave. Nothing pissed me off more."

Allen laughed nervously when he remembered all his warm welcomes to the neighborhood. It was a miracle he survived the first couple of months with the numerous attempts to be murdered and robbed.

"He eventually started bringing me stuff, like food and spare change. Anyone who lives around here knows they don't have anything like that to give, and this little idiot still gave a lowlife like me stuff. And then when his dad started preaching,"

"This is a nice story and all, but the kid is bleeding out," Jasdero muttered while pointing at the gunshot wound.

"Don't interrupt a man when he's talking!" One of the men said and cocked his gun. Jasdero held up his hands and let the man continue.

"His sermons moved me to change my life. And therefore, anyone who messes with Allen," he leaned in close to Jasdero's terrified face, "is as good as dead."

Allen pulled himself up with the help of one of the men and gave them all a sweet wave and smile as he headed out the back door. They all waved back and said, "Take care, and do well in school Allen!"

"Yeah, gotta focus on your studies. That's your future!"

"Nice to see you again, Allen!"

"Wait, Allen, this isn't over!" Jasero called out, but was pulled back by the three figures.

Ignoring Jasdero, Allen nodded and exited the back door while the chorus of Jasdero's pleas for mercy rang out into the night. Knowing they weren't murderers, the sounds of a brawl and skin hitting skin left him satisfied enough to know that Jasdero was taken care of but not dead.

_How'd I end up in all of this? This is some warped form of reality,_ he thought. _Maybe I should've listened to Kanda in the first place; I really don't belong in any of this._

He held his abdomen tightly; pressure was the only way he was going to slow down the bleeding. The wound was just above his hip and there was an exit wound; that made life a lot easier.

"Sorry, Lenalee," He muttered and tore his sleeve off his right arm. He tied the fabric tightly against his waist to help put pressure on the wound. It wasn't nearly good enough, but it was better than nothing at this point.

No matter how much pressure he put on the wound or optimistic opinions he had, there was no way his stumbling and weary bloodstained trail was going to make it all the way to campus. The street suddenly became a rollercoaster, pulling him along in ups and downs of dizziness._ I'm hallucinating again, aren't I?_ Damn that Kanda.

Oh, yeah. He called him. Allen pulled out his phone and cursed when he saw that the screen was cracked. Worrying about something so insignificant at a time like this was such twisted irony. His vision was too blurry to read the screen, and suddenly the distraction made him trip over the curb.

_Ah, maybe if a fall in the street, a car will run over me and this will all be over,_ he thought in a twisted form of cheer. His descent was thwarted, however, by a very angry little golden face, which pushed him back up and promptly slapped him across the face.

"Tim," Allen said wearily. He couldn't remember when they'd gotten separated, but it was a relief that he was safe. Maybe Tim could identify his body to a passerby in the morning.

Almost as if he could hear Allen's thoughts, Timcampy started pulling at his hair until Allen was yelling and swatting him away. "I got it, I got it! No passing out, no dying!"

Satisfied, Timcampy sat on his shoulder and Allen pulled out his phone once again. Hitting the first name in his contacts that included the letter "K", he listened to the dial tone.

No answer.

Allen sourly put his phone back in his pocket and sighed. He was almost back to campus, miraculously. Apparently the goose-chase he'd taken Jasdero on led him closer to the school than he thought. There were a couple of faint yelling and gunshots, and when Allen finally saw the entrance to the school grounds, he blinked a couple of times in a sleepy haze. These drugs aren't too bad, once he got used to them. They sure did take the troubles and worries of dying away.

"Just when I thought I was out of this," Allen grumbled when he saw the intense battle between Kanda and Devit. Both of them looked exhausted but still determined; Devit with cuts all over him and Kanda with some serious wounds from the other's bullets. It didn't look like he'd been shot through and through anywhere, but he looked tired and worn down; this battle was going to end in a draw with both exhausted to death.

_They're so caught up in their battle, neither of them notice I'm here,_ he realized when he'd spent a minute or two standing in the street._ If I just snuck up behind Devit now and gave him a good blow to the back of the head, he'd be out._

Kanda blew Devit back right in front of the alley Allen was hiding in, and he had to jump back to avoid being hit by Devit. Kanda's successful attack, however, left him wide open and Devit laughed while aiming straight between Kanda's eyes. _It's now or never, I guess. _He jumped out of the shadows with a high kick aimed for the small of Devit's back. He landed a direct hit, sending Devit crashing to the pavement an unexpected face plant.

After the first few moments of confusion from the sudden assault, Devit threw Allen off of him and sent him tumbling to the ground instead.

"The hell did you come from? An attack like that won't knock me out, idiot."

"Bean," Kanda nearly fell over at the sight of him, "sprout?"

"It's Allen," he said spitefully. Devit put a foot on Allen's chest and cocked his gun at his forehead.

"Where do you get off, 'ya cursed freak? You can't just start using street rules in a real fight like this! That's just low! Wait, where the hell is Jasdero?" Devit asked while rubbing the back of his head in pain.

"You can't shoot me in the head. Jasdero already said you can't kill me," Allen replied smartly as the cool metal rested on his forehead.

"Don't just go saying shit cause you think you've outsmarted me," Devit yelled and shot a bullet right at his jaw. A little unfazed due to his already low chances of survival, Allen just winced when he heard the click of the gun. However, instead of a regular gunshot, this wasn't a bullet at all; it was like someone poured liquid nitrogen on his skin and throat. Little blue shards from the explosion bounced off like confetti and froze even the ground they rested on. He refused to scream or give the idiot any satisfaction, and kept a straight face with an undeniable scowl of pain.

"Why aren't you screaming or crying or begging for mercy? I don't get you at all!"

"You're ruining your clothes," he murmured out through his frozen jaw. Devit looked down and realized he was covered in blood; Allen's blood.

Devit backed off in horror and tried to wipe off all the red stains while gagging in disgust. "I told him not to go overboard! Tyki is going to skin us alive!"

Suddenly his cries of despair abruptly stopped, and through Allen's blurry vision he saw that Kanda managed to stab Devit right through the abdomen. He fell over, blood dripping out the side of his mouth and muttering out curses. Allen looked away from the gory scene; even he had his limits.

Kanda kicked his limp body over in disgust and rushed over to Allen. "Why'd you pull such a stupid stunt? We need to get you to a hospital, now!"

Allen hadn't ever been to a hospital, and if they expected him to take off his shirt, he wouldn't. "He was going to shoot you. Besides, what's a hospital going to do that I can't? We won't get there fast enough, anyway. Just take me back to my dorm room, and I can stop the bleeding myself."

_Allen looked over at Devit's unconscious and bleeding body; was he dead? Did that make Kanda just the same as Tyki? Who wasn't a killer at this point?_

* * *

><p>After a loud and heated debate, they finally agreed to go back to Allen's dorm. Thankfully he hadn't lost the key, and they both nearly collapsed when they entered the room.<p>

"You're going to die, you know that, right?" Kanda muttered as he watched Allen stumble for supplies to stop the bleeding.

"There's an exit wound, little to no internal bleeding, and I haven't passed out yet. I'll be fine," Allen said confidently. He promptly ran into the side of the wall, which he miscalculated as the entrance to the bathroom.

"Idiot," Kanda said.

Allen ignored him, grabbed a fresh shirt, and locked himself in the bathroom. _Not going to take any chances_. After taking off his bloodied shirt and makeshift tourniquet, he inspected the wound. It narrowly avoided his pelvic bone, with the bloodied indent just above his jutting hipbone. Such a pesky place to treat; couldn't Jasdero just have shot him in the arm?

"How'd you throw Jasdero off your trail?"

"Just got lucky," Allen replied. When only silence followed, Allen continued to bind his wound until it was so tight that he could barely breathe.

He threw a new shirt back on and inspected all the other scrapes and cuts. There was a sharp slash of a bullet into his skin on his lower left hip, but there was really nothing he could do for the rest of the wounds. For some odd reason, the skin that was frostbitten and icy along his neck and jaw was healing by itself. Even if it was slow and painful, it was relieving to know he didn't have to find a way to fix it.

With both of his legs impaired, walking was a difficult feat but still manageable. Putting on a brave face, he stepped out of the bathroom and noticed that Kanda was staring at his katana.

"Innocence, huh," Allen murmured absentmindedly. Kanda looked up suspiciously and eyed Allen from head to toe.

"You need real medical treatment," he said while standing up.

"And you need to stop nagging me so much. You really don't seem like the type of person to get so worked up about someone else." Kanda was effectively silenced and only responded with a resentful glare.

"Speaking of worrying about other people, where'd you get injured? I can help wrap it, at least," Allen replied while brushing off his own injuries.

Kanda was not letting this one go, much to Allen's dismay, and raised his voice. "This complete lack of care for yourself pisses me off. You really don't care that you've been drugged, shot at, and almost killed?"

"_You're_ the one who drugged me, I _was_ shot, and I didn't die," Allen replied as he went down the checklist. Annoyed beyond words, Kanda pushed him a little too roughly into the wall and pulled up at his shirt.

"Look! You've been shot clean through, Allen! I don't care how light you want to try to make this; you keep on pushing yourself to the verge of death! Why didn't you listen to me when I told you not to go?"

Allen hastily pushed Kanda away from his hip in pain and yelled, "Don't go lifting up people's shirts, you creep! I've already had enough of that tonight!" Flushed with embarrassment and alarm, Kanda backed off but still didn't lose his angry disposition.

"Do you really think if you go around drugging people everything is going to turn out well? Whatever just let me help you with those wounds. You obviously don't know how to treat them," Allen muttered and Kanda followed him into the bathroom.

"And how are you so sure? Of course I can."

"Liar," Allen said while wrapping his arm, "I could tell you didn't take care of the stab wounds correctly. With all the fights we get into, it's easy to tell when you were in pain."

Kanda didn't say anything in response and let Allen take care of it. "Sorry."

"For what?" Allen asked and pulled at the tape a little harder than he should've.

"For Tyki," he stopped and winced in pain, "I should've done something."

"Oh, that? It's no big deal. I assumed he was going to pull something anyway, and besides, something a lot worse could've happened when I passed out," Allen said._ Why is he blushing so much? He acts like it was him or something. Maybe he's just not good with these kinds of things._

"Although the romantic idea of a sweet first kiss is now destroyed," he said sarcastically. Thinking about it, he realized that Kanda couldn't even hold friendships together, so a successful relationship with anyone was impossible. He probably hadn't even liked anyone before, and wasn't going to for the rest of his lonely life.

"But you don't actually know what happened after you passed out?" Kanda said incredulously.

Allen pondered the thought for a moment, and then forced all the horrible images out of his head. "No," he admitted in embarrassment.

After a lot of cursing and arguing, Allen finished up and stumbled out of the bathroom, tottering and swaying as his legs gave out beneath him.

"Hey!" Kanda barely managed to catch him and keep him upright. He looked Allen in the eyes, who was steadily losing consciousness, and shook him violently until Allen managed to keep himself awake._ He's completely lost himself,_ Kanda grimaced. He helped Allen over to his bed, who thankfully collapsed into the blankets.

"It's probably not safe for you to go back to your dorm, Kanda; you lost a lot of blood too. Just sleep over here," he mumbled.

Agreeing that Allen was right, he asked, "Do you just want me to sleep on the floor, or-?"

"My bed is big enough for two people." He looked over and noticed Kanda's hesitant expression. "Don't make such a big deal out of it, you idiot. At least I'm not making you sleep on the bathroom floor."

_He's delirious and even more obnoxious than usual,_ Kanda thought when he noticed the obvious flush to Allen's skin and slurred speech. _But I can't just leave him alone like this, either._ He reluctantly slipped out of his boots and jacket and rested beneath the covers.

"Sleep on your side if the drugs make you throw up in your sleep," Kanda reminded him.

"Goodnight to you too," Allen mumbled and shifted so he was facing Kanda.

_Almost held it together until the end, didn't you, Allen? He's was a lot stronger then I give him credit for, but he still wasn't going to live if he kept needlessly putting himself in danger. The fact that he'd given up his first kiss solely for information was a little terrifying too, _Kanda thought.

Allen opened one eye and glared at Kanda. He pulled the covers tighter and said,"Stop brooding and go to sleep."

"I hope you have the hangover from hell tomorrow," Kanda responded. Allen scoffed but couldn't be bothered to reply and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p>"I should probably get up," Allen mumbled when he eyed the clock. It was only eight in the morning, but he couldn't get comfortable with this wound anyway. His head was spinning still, and sleeping on what felt like ocean waves was almost impossible.<p>

"Why are you up so early? There are a couple more hours until mid-day classes start," a voice muttered from beneath the covers.

"My side hurts too much to sleep." Allen slightly lifted up his shirt and noticed the bandages were stained red; he was going to need to fix that soon. He didn't even disinfect the wound, which meant if he didn't drown the wound in peroxide he was going to end up with an infection. He needed painkillers too.

"This is going to be such a pain to fix," he groaned.

Kanda peeked out from under the covers and replied surly, "Maybe you should _go_ to a hospital where trained professionals will do it correctly_ for_ you."

"I don't even have insurance. Besides, that's a waste of money in the first place." Kanda gave him a look of contempt and Allen matched it with a sarcastic smile.

It occurred to him that they were lying in the same bed and not ripping each other's throats out. Allen didn't trust him, didn't know him, and didn't get along with him, but they'd both come to respect each other at least. No, he _did_ trust Kanda, but not in the normal sense. There was just an aura he gave off that made Allen feel safer than if he was with Lavi or Lenalee. Maybe it wasn't called trust, but he couldn't think of another name for it.

Allen looked over at Kanda, who was staring at him with what looked like the same thoughts, and asked, "Why aren't you wearing a shirt? Wait, your wounds are gone!"

"It was covered in blood. Your blood, to be exact," he replied smartly. Allen wondered if he looked half as disheveled as Kanda did right now; his dark hair wasn't tied up and strewn about everywhere, and there was a little blood on his face. I'm going to need to wash these sheets with an entire bottle of bleach, he thought while scowling at all the blood they got in his room. Hopefully Komui doesn't have any surprise inspections planned for the next couple of days.

"But your injuries healing up just like that; it has something to do with the innocence, right? You barely look hurt," Allen said while looking him over.

_Why doesn't it work like that for me?_ A wave of pain and nausea rocked his stomach and the second the words left his mouth he ran to the bathroom. Heaving up all the unmentionables he ingested last night, he cursed when he tasted the alcohol on his lips.

"What the hell did you even drug me with, you idiot," Allen yelled while trying to hold himself together.

"Your phone won't stop going off," Kanda commented over the sound of Allen throwing up. He took it off the nightstand and looked at the caller ID.

Allen rummaged through a box he kept next to the sink until he found the medicine he was looking for, washing it down with a handful of water. Finding an excuse for this to tell Lenalee was going to be worse than the pain, he thought.

"What do you want, Lenalee?"

"Hey, Kanda, you can't just go answering my phone! You aren't even supposed to be here!" _Don't be so rude, either._

"Kanda? Why do you have Allen's phone?"

"Long story," he replied, obviously too bothered to even tell a lie.

"You two didn't call me last night so I wasn't sure you made it home okay," she said worriedly. "Can we all go out and get some coffee, or something? I doubt Lavi will pick up the phone in the next twenty-four hours though."

"No," he replied and tried to hang up.

"Wait! You two owe me a whole night's worth of worrying!"

Kanda sighed and looked over to Allen for an excuse. He only shrugged his shoulders, and Kanda reluctantly replied, "Fine. See you in an hour."

* * *

><p>"You two look horrible." Lenalee glowered at their sorry state when she met up with them in front of the gate. She was, as usual, glowing with cheeriness as if she'd gotten a full night's sleep, but their sour disposition was dampening the mood. Kanda and he barely stopped to get the blood off of them and treat their wounds before meeting her.<p>

"Thanks a lot, Lenalee. It was a bit of a rough night, but that's what you get for drinking," Allen said with as much cheer as he could._ My mouth still tastes awful even after brushing my teeth twice_, he thought.

"I can't believe we let you get lost, especially while intoxicated," she replied as they started walking.

"Don't worry about it. Everything turned out fine," he replied, but Kanda scoffed at his glossy remark.

"Something funny?" Allen said while glaring.

"Oh, nothing. It's just your stupid little pet is about to get hit by a car," Kanda replied while crossing his arms. Allen looked out into the street in dismay and saw that Timcampy was hopelessly floating around in the crosswalk.

"Tim!" Allen yelled and ran off after the darting golden golem.

"Why's he limping, Kanda?" Lenalee asked while biting her lip. Kanda didn't answer, and watched Timcampy start to dodge Allen's attempts to grab him.

"I got a full report from the Order last night, Kanda. You involved Allen in your renegade movement, didn't you?" She pulled on his arm to get his attention, but he tried his best not to get involved in her emotional whirlpool. The longer you looked at Lenalee's sullen face, the more and more sorry you felt.

"I didn't realize there would be Black Order spies at the venue last night," he said curtly.

"After Daisya died, we started to do research on the Mikk's, and then I realized you were going and," she stopped and held her breath as a car almost flattened Allen, "We lost track of you after the explosion; everything past there is a dead zone in information."

"Did you really wake me up this early and expect me to tell you anything?" Kanda replied.

"No, Kanda. I just want you to come back; I don't want to be enemies! Kanda, I-"

"You saw what they did to him, Lenalee, everyone did. The Order even tried to take our innocence. You lost your Dark Boots already, didn't you?"

"Well, yes, but if innocence is really such a dangerous thing then maybe we shouldn't have it, Kanda! Besides, what happened to Suman was an accident! You saw the look on the science department's faces, and-"

"The science department didn't do it. It was Malcolm's elite who performed the experiment; they pushed him so far that he turned into one of the deadliest weapons in existence. If there were any more parasitic-type exorcists in the order still left alive they'd have done it to them too."

"Creating fallen one's is just a conspiracy theory, Kanda! There isn't any proof! No one would purposefully kill us exorcists!" Lenalee was yelling and holding back tears, "He was one of us!"

"There's proof if you open your eyes," Kanda muttered back.

"If you won't come back, at least do me one thing. Don't drag Allen in this, even if he's able to spot demons. He doesn't deserve this. I saw what you put in my drink, but I wanted him out of that house just as badly as you did and didn't do a thing! And now-"

"Lenalee! I spent every moment since I met him trying to not get him involved! It doesn't matter anymore now that he's got the Noah after him! Being related to Cross in any way is a death wish!" Kanda yelled back, and Lenalee looked even more afraid than before.

Kanda continued, "If neither of us tell our side that he even exists, he can fly under the radar for a while. But if the Order comes anywhere near him, I won't hesitate to fight back. Even against you, Lenalee."

"You couldn't even protect him last night, Kanda! If I get the Order to protect him and relocate him, he can be away from the Noahs and away from your stupid rebel group!"

"Oh really, Lenalee? What do you think the Order is going to do the second they find out about him? "Relocate" is another word for disposing of the evidence; they'll either use him as an experiment or slit his throat on the spot. You're so naïve it's sickening."

"I didn't want any of this," she said while sobbing, "I don't want any of this! I just wanted to help people!"

"Like I said, you can't protect anything."

"H-Hey you two," Allen said politely while holding Tim. "Coffee?"

* * *

><p>Lenalee eventually stopped crying but Kanda's resentful mood stuck around like a plague as Allen tried to hold them together. After promising that he'd only been standing behind their argument for a few seconds, they all agreed to go ahead. Of course, it'd only taken a minute or so to grab Tim, and he'd heard just about everything.<p>

"I'm just glad you're both safe," she murmured while sipping her drink. They'd made it to the coffee shop, but the worker seemed scared of the depressing mood they all brought in. They sat at a table in the back, but it didn't particularly matter; no one was here.

"I can't do this. You two can't really expect me to ignore this stalemate you have going on," Allen said with a sigh. They both looked over at him, then at each other, and then back at their drinks.

After a couple of silent minutes, Allen went out on a limb and asked, "Why'd you both join the Order, anyway?"

Lenalee spat out her drink in a not-so-lady-like display and Kanda glared over at Allen. "So you did hear us," he said.

"You were both yelling and crying in broad daylight."

"It's not really safe to talk about the Order out like this," she murmured while looking around.

"There's no one here, Lenalee. Why don't you tell Allen something nice about you murderers," Kanda said when he noticed the place was empty. It was a small coffee shop and the sun had barely risen on a Sunday; anyone in his or her right mind was back at home sleeping.

Annoyed that Kanda put her on the spot, she replied, "It all depends on what Kanda told you first, of course. He probably filled your head full of conspiracy theories and,"

"I went to Tyki for information," Allen said and let the shock drain the color out of Lenalee's face.

"So that's why last night happened," she mumbled as she put it all together. "Well,"

"Wait," Allen said and looked around. He could feel a different presence, like the intense spikes of cold and goose bumps that laced his skin. It was different than his usual instincts, more exact this time, he realized as he looked around. The only other people in the room were the two workers. The closer Allen looked at the cashier, however, the more a purple aura seemed to ooze out of her pale skin.

"Allen, what's wrong?" Kanda asked and grabbed his arm when he tried to stand up.

_My eye, it's gotten stronger, hasn't it?_ He thought while remembering the sharp pain he'd gotten when the last akuma attacked him.

"That girl isn't human," he watched as both of the workers looked over at the three simultaneously, "she isn't a ghost, either. She's a demon." The different feeling he was getting; was it because these two demons weren't ghosts and were already far beyond the point Mary had been?

"I knew they'd be after us the second we showed up off campus," Kanda said and pulled out his katana. The second the sword was out in the open, the demons gave up their human shells and ripped through the skin until their true form was revealed. One was a giant snake-like being with reddened scales and a towering height, but the other disappeared entirely. The first akuma's body curled around the entire shop, circling the three and blocking the exits effectively with its tail.

"Kanda, you have no chance against two level twos!" Lenalee yelled.

"Hmm, so it's true you can see demons and ghosts? How spooky!"

"That doesn't sound like another akuma, Allen." Lenalee trembled and held onto his shoulder tightly she scanned the room for the other enemy.

"Where's the second one? No, it can't be," Kanda said in disbelief as he stepped in front of the other two, holding his katana out defensively.

Allen heard two light taps on the ground behind him, like someone jumping from the last stair on a staircase, and then a pat on his shoulder.

"It's nice to meet you, Allen Walker."

* * *

><p><strong>About the late update: this week was all kinds of hectic. I had to make a lot of future-deciding plans for college and careers and needless to say I was stressed to the point of not sleeping. Excuses are lame I know, but still, sorry for not updating over the week.<strong>

**Who's right about the suspicious Order: Kanda or Lenalee? What actually happened to cause the Order to split up? Are Jasdero and Devit dead? (You wish). Who is the mystery character?!**

**(So, we're finally in the double digits and I just want to say thank you for all your support! And that you guys are awesome, and amazing, and…)**


	11. Getting Attached is a Bad Idea

She was small, much smaller than the tone she commanded. Her voice was soft as silk but spiked with vinegar, a polite and equally devious tone that matched the hidden agenda beneath her smile.

Allen looked around and realized the building they were once in was slowly distorting; the wallpaper of the shop ripped at the seams and curled off in ribbons, revealing nothing but a black abyss behind it. The tiled flooring crumbled like puzzle pieces around their feet, but the nothingness it exposed beneath held steady as if it were actually a floor. The entire room seemed to be collapsing into nothing but an empty, nonexistent space.

"You can call me Road, Road Camelot. Welcome to my wonderland," she said sweetly. With a smile that could cause cavities, she wouldn't break eye contact will Allen who couldn't match the twisted curiosity in her eyes. _  
><em>

Everything about her was unorthodox; the short, choppy hair wasn't something you'd see on the average little girl. She dressed like a child lost on Halloween, with striped tights and a loosened, white shirt. _How did she create this room? Wait,_ s_he's openly siding with the akuma; in fact, she controls it, doesn't she?_

"What's going on?" Lenalee asked as she watched the walls melt like wax.

"The shop you entered," the girl began, "never really existed at all. You three sure are a bunch of idiots, aren't you?" Her tone shifted mid sentence like the seasons, and instead of a soft smile she now had a twisted grin painted on her face. There was something off about her that Allen couldn't put his finger on; he felt like he was grasping at smoke while trying to figure out what was so familiar.

As the room dissolved completely, all that was left were floating candles that lit up the murky abyss. Flickering and sharpened to points, they surrounded the space that the snake-like demon outlined. Even though Allen's life hadn't made much sense recently, this was a whole new level of skewed reality. Wide-eyed, he couldn't hide his stunned expression and stared blankly at the girl who seemed to be the root of this phenomenon.

"Why are you looking at me like that, Allen?" She said and gingerly brushed his left hand to prove her existence. He flinched at her chilling touch but didn't pull back his hand. There was definitely something wrong with her; she felt deadly, as if venom coated her fingertips and poisoned what she dared to touch.

She wrapped a hand around his bow and pulled him in close so that she could whisper in his ear. Softly, she murmured, "I'm real, Allen."

"Allen, look out!"

Taking advantage of his momentary vulnerability, she beckoned for a candle floating midair to shoot in his direction. Allen only saw a flash of the candy-cane patterned candle for a split second before he screamed out in pain. It impaled him in the same place Jasdero wounded him, tearing open the bullet-wound anew. Road started laughing and stepped back as if she was playing hopscotch.

"What are you trying to do, Road? We aren't here to fight you!" Lenalee yelled in shock.

"She must have gotten wind of us from Tyki, Lenalee," Kanda responded as he eyed the demon.

Road's face soured when she noticed Lenalee who trembling but still resentful, and Kanda, who was geared up to attack Road at any given chance.

"You humans really pisses me off," she said in disgust while looking down at three, and with a flick of the wrist her demon recoiled and prepared for an attack._ She's talking to us as if she isn't human, but I don't sense her as a demon._

Aimed at Kanda, the snake hissed and lunged to take a bite out of him. Kanda managed to hold the creature's sharp fangs off with a block from his katana.

"You still side with the Order, right, Miss Lee?" Without waiting for a response, she shot another candle aimed for Lenalee. Allen snatched her out of the way at the last second, sending the candle spinning past her cheek.

"If you have a complaint with the Order, take it up with them!" Kanda yelled from afar. Allen looked over at Kanda who was locked in battle already, carving up the nameless demon. However, he was being too reckless and careless in his anger; the snake swept him off his feet with its tail the second he left an opening.

"No, it's not like I want only the slaves of the Order to die," she replied and miserly paced circles around Allen and Lenalee while shooting stray darts, "and it's not like Tyki or Millennie sent me."

Allen already knew that she was aiming for Lenalee when she flicked her wrist and laughed. He threw his arm out in front of the two candles heading for both of her eyes and winced as they bit into his right arm. Lenalee gasped in terror and tried to step in front of Allen, but he held her back. _If she's not with the Order or Kanda's group, then she must side with the Noah's._ Lenalee had no innocence to protect her if what Kanda said was true, which made her more defenseless than Allen.

"Just like you puny innocence users, I have a job straight from God. You see," She commanded her weapons like an orchestra major, waving her hands up and down while sending deadly spires at Lenalee and Allen.

"God is sick of you pathetic little beings; he doesn't want you anymore. You're nothing but inferior trash. And I'm just helping him out by cleaning up the mess!"

"If you're so high and mighty, what's your motive in trapping three insignificant people like us? Seems a little beneath you." Allen looked over at the sound of Kanda's sarcastic words and noticed he was losing ground against the giant snake, but Allen didn't have a lifeline to throw him. _Unless I used my innocence..._

The thought had already crossed his mind more than once, but exposing it to Road and both of the other sides seemed like the worst idea possible. He was dead if he didn't and dead if he did, utterly stuck between Road's sadist ways and his own friends.

"I just wanted to meet Tyki's new friends, that's all," she pouted and threw a candle in his direction. Kanda narrowly dodged it, but the attack left him open for the demon to take advantage of and he was blown backward. With a satisfied laugh, she looked back over at the pair.

_There's nowhere to run_, he thought as he took two more hits for Lenalee.

"Allen, stop! You're going to die!" His own mortality was sinking in as all his wounds old and new clouded up his thoughts with pain. _How did it all fall apart so quickly, once again?_ Last night, he had somewhere to run; there was always a way out. However, in this empty room, he had nothing to work with and no escape.

"Are you just going to protect her until you die? You aren't much fun to play games with." Dodging the hits coming after him wasn't an option anymore; Lenalee was too worn out to avoid the attacks properly and if he moved, she would be hit instead. It seemed Road was truly starting to get bored, and stopped to ponder something.

"Hmm? You can't protect her from what's inside, though," Road said and tapped on her own head. Before Allen could even question her, Lenalee shrieked and fell to her knees.

"Lenalee? Where'd you get hit?" She was pulling at her hair and repeatedly shaking her head, as if trying to force a bad memory out. No matter how loudly he called out to her, she was completely unresponsive.

"She's in a different place, Allen. See that dead look in her eyes?" Road said, suddenly appearing behind him and pointing.

"Why," he brushed Lenalee's hair off of her paling face and gritted his teeth, "why are you doing this?" He looked back at Road with anger and bitterness and she seemed sympathetic in the exchanged look.

"She's weak, even weaker than the rest of you miserable humans," Road said while running her hands through her hair. Allen pulled Lenalee away from Road's touch and picked her up, holding her unconscious body up with his bloodied arms.

"Are you going off to have Kanda protect you? Maybe he's stronger, but no one can escape themselves," Road said while eyeing Kanda. It wasn't obvious at first, but Kanda was faltering in his steps and breathing heavy. _What is she doing to them?_

"I can pull anyone out of reality if their mind is weak enough. They'll get lost in their own nightmares," she said as if to answer his question. Allen looked down at Lenalee, who was looking worse than before as her face contorted in an inner struggle.

Allen rushed past Road and weaved his way past the snake until he was running in tune with the sound of her ringing laughter._ Kanda doesn't have any time left,_ he thought as he dodged a sweep from the snake's tail._ No matter how hard he fights, Road will take him down too, without even hitting him._

"You're at your limit, too, aren't you?" Allen asked when he finally met back up with him. Kanda was bleeding in several different places, some worse than others. He gave an indignant glance over at Allen for his remark, but winced in pain as his head throbbed even worse.

"You are past yours. Besides, this bastard is finished," Kanda replied. He braced himself with his sword and the blade began to glow in a flickering light, intensifying with every second until a green glow surrounded the hilt.

"Better to go out all the way than wait it out." He ran forward while swinging his glowing blade, aiming right down the center of the snake. Thrusting his blade straight through its mouth, a bright blast enveloped the two. Tattered and too weak to put up any more fight, the snake fell and went still. Kanda staggered back to Allen and Lenalee and growled, "Where's that psycho girl?"

The second the words left his mouth, a barrage of spiked weapons rained down on all three of them. He wasn't sure which happened first: Kanda's gasp of pain or the sudden stop of the assault. His katana was hovering above Allen's head, and a sudden drop of blood stained Allen's cheek. When he looked up, and he realized there was a candle thrust straight through Kanda's palm, headed to split Allen's skull.

"Kanda," Allen said in horror as his grip loosened on his sword and he swayed in place.

"When you find a way out," he fell forward and Allen caught him, "make sure it's big enough for all of us to fit through, moyashi."

Allen buckled under the weight of Kanda's comatose body and his sword clattered on the ground. Road's spell was in full effect on them both, and they were ghostly pale with expressions contorted in pain. He set Kanda down next to Lenalee and tried not to think about how to wake them up. There gnawing pain in his thoughts, but didn't allow the thought of being taken over by her even cross his mind.

He heard a shifting and hissing around him, and realized the snake's body was moving. _It was still alive._ He looked over at the snake's head and saw the dark soul still hugging tightly to the distorted demon shell.

"You can eat them now," Road said and the snake animated once again.

_It can't end like this,_ Allen thought as the serpent recoiled in preparation to eat him.

_It can't just be over. I promised Lenalee and Kanda I would save them._ The towering snake lunged forward, straight for his head. He closed his eyes and felt the black room close in on him. There was a silence between the lifeless bodies of Lenalee and Kanda and the empty room. Softly in the slow motion of the room that surrounded him, he could hear someone shedding tears. It reminded him of a little boy with a skinned knee, or maybe a small girl whose doll just broke.

Allen reopened only his left eye and instead of seeing the serpent, he instead saw the soul of the demon. It was much more ragged than the other one's he'd come across, but to some degree it still resembled the little boy he heard crying.

_I didn't just promise Lenalee and Kanda; I made a promise long ago, too. I promised Mana I'd keep going, no matter what._

"Innocence," Allen said even before he knew what he was doing.

_I'll protect everyone, not just the ones I love. This isn't just for Kanda or Lenalee, it's for Mana too. It's for every spirit I've failed to protect. I'll protect everything that's important to me, starting with this akuma. Road can't be right; there's no way God could forsake us all._

"Activate!" His arm burst into a bright green light and when it died down, it was a gun rather than the claw he expected. He didn't have time to speculate and instead went on intuition, shooting at the creature as its mouth closed around him.

The snake heaved back in pain and Road's haughty smile turned into one full of cynical curiosity. "Little Allen's finally ready to play!"

_She knew I had innocence?_

As he continued to fight with the snake, he distinctly remembered his conversation with the jester ghost about the Earl. He remembered the figure he saw in the moonlight before he passed out; the Noah's knew long before he even knew they existed.

She knew. All the Noah knew. Tyki confirmed it at the party when he touched his hand. She checked when she touched him, too.

"Are you just now remembering meeting Millennie? You _are_ such an idiot, aren't you? Did you hold back on me only because you didn't want me to know? Or was it for them?"

Even with Allen's rapidly decreasing strength, the demon was too exhausted from Kanda's assault to put up any fight. It bit into his right arm on a lucky final attack, and firmly anchored its fangs to him in its last-ditch effort. Allen gritted his teeth but willingly deactivated his arm, placing the glowing hand on the head of the giant snake. It took a few moments for his brain to process past the pain and to the task at hand, but the cross on his hand lit up soon after.

"You don't have to suffer anymore," Allen said softy and the cross' light intensified until it blurred out his vision. When he looked back, there was just a little boy left in the husks of decaying snakeskin that seemed to swallow the room whole.

"What are you doing? You're supposed to kill it in a grand finale," Road muttered from behind him. She sounded angry if anything else; apparently Allen wasn't playing by the rules of her game.

"I don't want to kill anyone. I want to save my friends," he said while looking fondly over at the pair collapsed on the ground, "but I want to save the akuma, too."

"Save the akuma?" Road repeated, as if it was the strangest thing she'd ever heard.

He ignored her and watched the soul fade away, burning from green embers to white dust. From behind him, Road swung a parasol like a scythe down on the soul and it shattered the figure straight down the middle. The white sparkles turned to ash and the green figure began to rot into black tar.

"Sorry, not everyone gets a free pass to heaven," she said and swung again as if she were hitting a golf ball. This time her parasol destroyed the remnants of the soul until they cracked and crumbled.

"I thought," a voice cried out, "I thought you said I wouldn't have to suffer, Allen?" He looked down in horror and saw the broken soul, fading dimly away. Road broke off into a horrible and crooked laugh, and he fell to his knees in shock. The little boy, his soul was ground up into dust.

The boy didn't pass on.

Road started kicking up the ashes and taunted, "Where do you think he goes now, Allen? Down to hell? Maybe he gets to live eternally as dust like the scum he is!"

The voice was slowly drifting off, its pleas for saving fading off into the depths of nowhere.

_It hurts, Allen. What did I do to deserve this, God?_

_Why?_

"What did you do?" Allen shouted in anger and reactivated his innocence. He pointed the gun-shaped weapon at her forehead, but she seemed completely undisturbed and still wickedly smiling. He trembled and steeled himself to shoot, but something inside pulled him back.

"Why don't you kill me? I just destroyed a soul in front of you, and I've tried to kill you this whole time," she replied and took a step forward the barrel of his gun. His thoughts felt like gunfire, fueled with blood loss and anger, and shot off faster than he could process them.

_A human. She's human. I can't kill her. Even if she's killed people, so many people, she still has some worth, doesn't she? He looked at her through his left eye and realized that there wasn't a soul registering for her. What did that make her?_

She put her hand against his arm and pushed past it until she was face to face with him. "You are too kind. That weakness is going to get you killed."

Snapping her fingers, a giant checkered door appeared behind her. It towered above both of them, but Allen knew the door meant that the battle was over. He just glared back at her curious face and held back bitter tears for the boy. _I can't avenge you, I'm sorry._

"Five minutes," she said while walking to the door, "after that, this door will collapse and you'll be stuck here forever. And Allen,"

"Don't bother waking them up if you want to make it out in time. If you try to take them out like this, they'll come out brain-dead, anyway." She sauntered over to the door with her parasol but stopped short on the entrance.

"I hope we meet again, Allen Walker," she murmured and shut the checkered door behind her.

The second she left, the room began to shake with bone-rattling tremors. He ran over to Lenalee and Kanda, both still unconscious.

"Please," he called out, "please don't be dead! Snap out of it! Kanda! Lenalee!" Neither of them responded and the floor began to crack_. I won't leave here without you._

He glanced back at the remains of the soul Road destroyed and, through his left eye, noticed that the soul was gone. But to where?

Another giant tremor sent his attention back to Lenalee and Kanda, but when he looked back at them he fell back in shock. His left eye revealed that Lenalee and Kanda weren't unconscious; their souls, bathed in a rich white light, were coated with dark ooze and gave off a deadly aura.

"Road sent demons to possess them," he said aloud in disbelief as he leaned over Kanda. Their pure souls looked so fragile and thin, ready to snap at any moment.

He lifted his bloody, glowing hand but hesitated to touch Kanda. _What if it causes him pain, or worse, what if I do it wrong?_ The boom of the room beginning its final split left him with no other option. He lightly placed his fingers on Kanda's forehead, and the second his reddened skin came in contact with the other's porcelain face, a bright light sparked beneath his touch.

Kanda stirred a little;_ did that mean it was working?_ Allen watched the two souls slowly separate and continued to focus whatever strength he had left in him. The second the two souls parted, however, he screamed in pain as the fragments of the angry demon burnt and bit at his hand. _I can't pull away, Kanda's not conscious yet, _he thought and looked away as his skin started to unzip in slices releasing black ooze.

The blackened soul detached completely from the other and burnt up in a bright white light, but Kanda still hadn't returned._ I still can't let go, not until I know it's safe._ He bit his lip until blood started to slip down his chin. This soul wasn't looking for retribution like the others; it was full of spite and anger. He closed his eyes and tried to focus somewhere else, as if the pain would leave with his thoughts.

He heard a gasp of air from beneath him and yanked his arm back so that it was hidden behind him. In one swift movement, he took his still intact glove and slipped it onto his left hand and not his right. The evil soul turned from its diseased black to a warm yellow, and Allen heard a soft, gruff, _thank you._

_I won't lose my purpose. I won't lose anyone else close to me._

"Allen!" Kanda yelled as he came back to life. Kanda grabbed him by his collar and shook him out of his daze. Allen smiled while holding in tears when he saw Kanda's usual angry and concerned complexion.

"I thought," he stopped and fought his own choked up throat, "I thought you weren't coming back."

Kanda's expression softened and he glanced around the destroyed room, and then at the door. The floor on the outskirts of the room was long gone, and the space was well on its way of collapsing. He let go of Allen's collar and pulled himself up into a sitting position. "The room won't hold up much longer, will it?"

"We only have a minute or two before the door evaporates, but Lenalee is still unconscious. If we take her out like this, she'll die!" Allen said and sat by her._ But can I survive that again?_

"We have no choice then," Kanda said stiffly and stood up. Allen couldn't even comprehend his suggestion and glared at Kanda.

"Don't you dare suggest that we-"?

"It's all of our lives versus hers, Allen!" Kanda shouted back. When Allen didn't reply, Kanda ran off to the far side of the room where his sword was still laying.

_If I pull this soul out of Lenalee quick enough, we'll be able to make it._ Without hesitating or waiting for Kanda to stop him, he clasped hands with both of Lenalee's cold palms and felt an overwhelming wave of terror shake him.

_This ghost is much stronger,_ he thought while sick to his stomach. Sickly wounds and dark ooze covered both of his hands, although his left arm was already painted black from touching Kanda first. He could feel Lenalee crying out from beneath the ghoul's deathly grasp and tried harder to pull the two souls apart.

He cried out in pain as the ghost unwillingly pried itself from Lenalee and spat venom back at Allen. Since it had no body of its own, the ghost could only hurt him from where he was touching Lenalee. The blood and venom it was spitting out was burning his skin like corrosive acid, and it took everything not to let go of Lenalee.

"Allen, what the hell are you doing?" Kanda yelled as he appeared in front of him. Allen's vision was too spotty to make out anything in front of him and he closed his eyes and clung tighter to Lenalee's hands until his nails were about to cut open her skin.

"Let go! You're killing yourself!" Kanda put a hand on his shoulder but pulled his hand back the second he touched Allen. He looked at his stinging hand and then back at Allen, at a loss as to what was going on.

"I'm not," he hissed through the pain, "leaving anyone behind!" _Road set this up; she knew I'd figure out a way to save them, but I'd only be able to save one._ He was never good with games; he always cheated.

"The door is collapsing, damn it!"

"Allen! We don't have any time left!"

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, Allen looked over at Kanda and smiled faintly. "Go, Kanda. I'll meet up with you."

"Don't give me that bullshit!" Kanda yelled and grabbed his arm.

"I can't go back to that hell without," he faltered and tightened his grip on Allen's arm, "I won't leave you here to die."

"You have to trust me then," Allen replied and winced as the demon loosened its grip on Lenalee again. Her face twitched a little, signaling that he was finally getting through to her.

"Allen, we're all going to die here if we don't go now!"

"Trust me," Allen repeated, and smiled at Kanda's sullen and supremely confused expression. Kanda glanced at Allen, and then back at the door. Through pursed lips, Kanda nodded in agreement against his better judgment.

"Three," Allen said as he breathed out. The ghoul suddenly cried out in terror as Allen put all his energy into forcing it out.

"Two." The door cracked like lightning and split like the sound of gunfire.

"You better have a plan," Kanda said warily as he watched the door fade away.

"One." Lenalee's skin glowed with a soft luminescence, starting from her fingertips and spreading to her entire frame. Allen's skin felt like it was splitting at the seams and his head was reeling in pain, but he focused only on the thought of saving both Lenalee and the ghost.

Lenalee slowly came around, coughing as air suddenly filled up her lungs once again. "Allen?"

"Allen, let go!" Kanda pulled the unresponsive Allen's hands and Lenalee's hands apart. After taking a moment to regain her bearings, she sat up and looked around.

"Did you guys," Lenalee started tearing up, "did you guys lose your chance to escape because of me?"

When neither Kanda nor Allen replied, she slapped Kanda across the face.

"You should've gotten out of here and left me! We both knew we'd die in battle, we pledged our lives the second we joined the Order! It's your job to protect people like Allen from dying in our place!"

They both started yelling in desperation and anger, and Allen slowly came back into awareness. The room was done for, and didn't have more than a couple of minutes left till it met the same fate as the door. He bet Kanda and Lenalee''s life on a gamble, now it was time to see if he was bluffing.

Fishing through his pocket, he pulled out the small key ring he always had on him. The fabric of his pocket stung when it brushed up against his ripped skin and he left a trail of black blood against the seam. The key ring held the key to his old house, his dorm, a school key he'd borrowed from Lenalee, and, lastly, the key Tyki gave him back on the roof.

"Hey," Allen said, but the other two couldn't hear his fragile voice over the crashing ceiling and arguments.

He pulled the key closer to his face and tried to see what was written on it, but his vision was too blurry. When he first received it, he knew it wasn't a normal key; it was shaped like a vintage, French door key with a large, heart-shaped hoop on the end. Comparing the way this room worked to the way the one on the roof did meant that, hopefully, this skeleton key would work with both.

Placing the key down on the floor in front of him, he grabbed both of their hands and didn't even try to listen to their objections. Lenalee commented on his blackened hands and skin from the scars the demons left, and even Kanda looked a bit appalled by the state of his skin. Ignoring them both, he focused on the key as the floor beneath them snapped in half.

The key resonated with the crashing cymbals of the room and encapsulated everything in a rich, white blanket.

* * *

><p>All three of them came tumbling down the stairs and crashing in a heap at the bottom of the stairwell. Lenalee apologized and pulled herself off Kanda, who cursed and stepped off Allen.<p>

"What the hell? Are we back in the school?" Kanda said as he looked around the dirty stairwell.

"No way," Lenalee said in wonder while dusting herself off.

"The key linked us from the room Road's created downtown to her room on the roof," Allen said as he looked at the now worn key. Unlike the other two, he really didn't have the strength left to get up.

"How'd you know that the roof was one of Road's rooms?" Kanda said suspiciously and stood up. Wait, Kanda doesn't have any wounds. Allen looked over at Lenalee and realized she was completely unscathed, too.

"I didn't," Allen admitted. Kanda looked as if he were about to burst a blood vessel, but Lenalee managed to protect Allen from Kanda's foot.

"Don't be so uptight, Kanda. At least you alive," Allen said as Lenalee helped him stand.

"I'm the uptight one? You were the one crying back there," Kanda said as he realized he wasn't hurt at all.

"I could've left your ass behind, Bakanda," Allen yelled back.

"Allen," she looked at him with eyes brimming with happiness, "you didn't leave me."

Allen and Kanda stopped arguing and all three of them looked at each other in mutual agreement; they all made it, and they were okay.

"So what do we tell Lavi, exactly?"

* * *

><p>After a much-needed winter break was announced, they all decided to go out to eat on Christmas Eve. In a packed but still roomy restaurant, the four of them hopped into a bar table with Lavi and Allen on one side and Lenalee and Kanda on the other. For some reason, the three of them had acted odd all day, but Allen couldn't just outright ask what was going on with them without proof.<p>

"Can you guys believe it's almost Christmas?" Lavi said excitedly as he downed his soup.

Allen felt his mood fly south for the winter; it'd only been one week since the incident with Road and he was still not in top condition. Somehow he'd escaped a visit to the hospital once again, much to Lenalee and Kanda's dismay. They begrudgingly agreed that he couldn't go anywhere with the cuts the ghosts left. And with a thinly veiled excuse as having some sort of abnormal spiritual power, they didn't even mention the subject of innocence toward him.

Allen's skin was slowly healing from the incident, but he was still wary of who knew what. Worst of all, Tyki disappeared without a trace ever since the party, something scarier than his presence. Allen felt like he owed him a "Thank You for Saving Us from Your Friend's Death Trap" card or something. Although, it was probably Tyki's fault that Road came after them in the first place.

When he looked up from his food he noticed all three of them were discreetly discussing something. "Something wrong?"

They all shushed each other and looked at Allen with fake smiles and nervous laughs.

"Well, you see, Allen, every Christmas," Lavi stuttered and scratched the side of his face.

"The three of us go to Lavi's grandpa's cabin because he's out of the country. And my brother has to work, plus Kanda doesn't," she stopped and cleared her throat.

"The point is that it's usually just us three that go," Kanda snapped as Lenalee tried to delicately approach the subject.

"What? Oh, I already have plans, if that's what you're worried about," Allen said when he suddenly sensed the awkward air._ Do they want to tell me the truth and not hurt my feelings? That's a nice change of pace._

He'd always been excluded before, so this really didn't come as much of a shock to him. It was easier glaze over the subject and move right along rather than drag it out.

"Oh," Lenalee said and sighed in what Allen assumed to be relief.

"Well, I guess that makes that. You wouldn't want to come anyway; we just get plastered and watch a bunch of Christmas specials," Lavi replied and started to reminisce on past Christmas's spent together.

"I didn't know you liked that sort of thing," Allen said lightly towards Kanda.

Twitching, Kanda replied, "Why would I be into that sappy bullshit? I think he meant forced to watch."

"Come on, Yuu, even the Grinch has a heart. Everyone loves Christmas!" Allen couldn't say he loved Christmas, in fact, it was usually a nightmare. He'd been working for Cross on the last three Christmas's and almost forgotten that people actually celebrated the day.

Plus, it was his birthday.

"Don't call me that," he nearly snapped his chopsticks in half, "and don't compare me to the Grinch. Christmas is a pointless and worthless holiday."

"At least we have time off until New Year's Day," Lenalee pointed out in her best attempt to be cheerful.

"Wait," Kanda looked over at Allen suspiciously, "who do you have plans with? Lavi and Lenalee are your only friends."

"I really don't remember it being your business Kanda," Allen said while holding in his irritable mood through clenched fists. He promised Lenalee not to fight with Kanda today, since Kanda wouldn't listen to her pleas for peace.

"Is it a hot date? What does she look like?" Lavi said excitedly.

"The only date Allen could get is a girl from a nursing home," Kanda mumbled.

"I'm sorry, Kanda," Allen politely pushed his hair behind his ear, "what was that? I couldn't quite hear you." Lenalee shot him a pleading look to drop the sarcastic tone but it was far too late for that.

"Have you lost your hearing too? It's bound to happen to geezers like you some day, don't be too hard on yourself," Kanda said while smirking.

"I hope you didn't break a nail coming up with that insult, you prissy-"

"Don't even bother finishing that sentence if you don't want me to sew your lips shut," Kanda growled.

"I had no idea you knew how to sew! Kanda, you're a woman of many talents," Allen said in mock surprise.

"It's Christmas Eve, you guys," Lavi said through a sigh.

"Are you trying to cosplay as Santa by eating all that food? Your hair's got you halfway there!"

"Please don't start this again. You're making a scene," Lenalee said in defeat and looked over at Lavi for help.

"Oh-kay you guys, we're done eating! Come on, let's go get some fresh air before you kill each other," Lavi said and left some money for the tab. Lenalee dragged Kanda unwillingly by the hand, but he still managed to glare at Allen as he was pulled away.

On their way back to campus, the three argued about what to bring and what not to bring to the cabin that night. Allen just tuned them out and admired the sunset; it was setting so early in the short winter days that they were barely out of school before darkness swept over the town. He passed by a shop window that reflected the orange brilliance of the sky and noticed that his shirt was unbuttoned so that he could see Mana's metallic necklace reflected the sunlight much like the glass panes in a patchwork of reds and yellows.

To be honest, he didn't have any plans, but he was good at sensing where he wasn't wanted. Lenalee, Lavi, and Kanda shouldn't be forced to hang around him if they didn't want to be. He could go gambling; people on Christmas were too full of cheer and cheap wine to call someone out for cheating. That was assuming he'd actually get caught, too, which wasn't likely.

He could go visit Mana; this town was only a bus or two away from the quaint graveyard where he was buried. Public transportation wasn't exactly it's safest between the areas, or safe in general, but it was Christmas. Maybe the universe would cut him some slack. Visiting Mana wasn't a new idea he'd come up with; he'd wanted to, of course, ever since his memories started coming back in full force. But what if Mana's ghost was there, or what if it actually wasn't? Both thoughts were equally terrifying and left him stranded in a mental standoff. There one question that burned in his mind, something he knew only Mana's ghost could answer.

But Allen wasn't sure if he was ready for an answer.

"Merry Christmas!" Lenalee called out after him as he walked off to his dorm. He cheerily responded back, but only held up the positive facade until out of sight.

His room was freezing; _couldn't Komui turn on the heat?_ He nudged the door shut behind him and noticed that the empty suitcase he'd left out was still there. Timcampy was nestled into his pillow, shivering just like he was.

"I should really just leave already, shouldn't I, Tim?" He said as he sat down on the bed.

Road's attack on him probably fit Cross's description of life and death; plus, the Noah's knew he had innocence. Leaving was the only plausible solution at this point, and yet he was still unable to even pack a shirt away for a whole week.

_I guess I just got a little stuck here, is all,_ he thought. _I can't stay sentimental and alive at the same time._ As he flipped through his clothes and gingerly placed them in the black case, he knew it wasn't just the place that clung on so tightly to him. He stepped into the bathroom after everything was neatly folded and glanced in the mirror before cleaning up.

"A whole year older, huh?" He muttered while grimacing at his face. Noticing the necklace was still partly showing, he tucked it back in and buttoned his shirt.

"Let's go visit Mana and then to Anita's Warehouse, alright Tim?" He said absent-mindedly.

There was a knock on the door and he put down the bottles he was organizing to go answer it.

"Yes?" He asked politely as he opened up the door with a sweater draped over his shoulder. Miranda was standing in the entrance, trembling more from shyness than the cold.

"Oh, Allen, I'm so glad you're here! I came to say Merry Christmas, and,"

"Thank you, Miranda. Wait, hold on a second," he said and entered the shadows of his room. Coming back out, he held a soft, purple shawl in a neat, glittery bag.

"I got you something downtown today. Merry Christmas," he replied sweetly and held the bag out to her. When he bought it he steeled himself to believe that she wouldn't cry and that it would just be a nice sentiment. But deep down he knew he was lying to himself._ Here come the waterworks, _he thought with a sigh as she started to fall apart.

"But, Allen, I didn't even get you anything! It's so beautiful! Allen!" She continued to cry what he hoped were tears of joy and not sadness, although it was probably a mix of the two, and he just focused on breathing through her tight hug.

"The truth is," she said while wiping her eyes, "I came down here to apologize. While I was filling out your new room forms, I accidentally noticed your date of birth." He winced at her words but tried to not seem bothered.

"You're turning sixteen tonight, aren't you? Even if I'm the only one to say this, Happy Birthday, Allen," she said and the sincerity in her face almost hurt his heart. _She's going to be destroyed when she finds out I left, but I'm endangering her by staying longer._

"Thank you, Miranda. It means a lot," he said thickly, unknowingly little choked up.

"Oh, I'm sorry, you were in the middle of something, weren't you? I'll leave you be, Allen. Merry Christmas!" She said, and twisted the scarf around her neck while smiling. Miranda probably had no one to spend Christmas with, either.

With a heavy sigh, he listlessly pulled at the door handle until the frame snagged on something.

"Birthday?"

Allen pulled harder at the door, pretending like he didn't hear that voice, and that there wasn't a boot wedged between the door and the wall.

"It's your birthday?"

He continued to pull until a hand grabbed his wrist and made him left go.

"If you hate me so much, why are you always hanging around here? Some people would consider this stalking," Allen snapped and turned to face the person at his doorway.

"I'm not stalking. I just wanted to know what plans you made," he replied. Giving up on his attempt to escape, he turned to face the other.

"Kanda, that's called stalking," Allen replied shortly and leaned on the doorway.

"You're a threat to everyone involved, so I should know where you're mysteriously going of to. More importantly, why didn't you tell anyone it was your birthday?" Kanda said, angered by Allen's nonchalant and pessimistic attitude.

"This "threat" is busy at the moment. And it doesn't matter, that's why," Allen answered sharply.

When Kanda didn't reply, Allen rolled his eyes and said, "Don't you have somewhere to be? It's a long drive into the mountains."

Kanda looked like he was in physical pain when he stared at Allen. He finally muttered, "Come with us."

A little taken aback, he lost his angry edge and replied, "Excuse me? I told you, I have plans and I don't want to interrupt your tradition."

"Don't you get it?" Kanda yelled and shoved him, "Lenalee wanted to invite you, but you shot her down. You know what, forget your other plans. You're coming."

_I can't lose face_, he thought._ This might be my best chance to skip town, especially while those three are gone._

"You can't make me go," Allen said and crossed his arms.

Kanda leaned in until his nose was almost touching Allen's and replied, "I'll tell Lenalee it's your birthday. Do you know how hurt she'll be that you didn't tell her? Not only that, I'll tell Lavi too. He's the equivalent of twelve drunk frat boys, and do you know what they do to people on their birthday?"

Kanda could be terrifying when he wanted to be.

They glared at each other in silence for a few moments before Allen backed down and cursed at his bad luck. Like the nail in his coffin, Timcampy burst through the door and rammed him in the small of his back.

"Even your pet wants you to go," Kanda murmured as he caught Allen before he fell over from the force of Timcampy.

"He's not my pet! You can't go, Tim, you'll freeze to death," Allen scolded while accepting his fate._ There wasn't any getting out of this, was there?_

"Look who's talking, bean sprout. You feel like ice," Kanda remarked. Allen realized that Kanda was still holding him up from where Timcampy blindsided him.

"Right, whatever," Allen muttered and pulled away from him quickly.

"I'll tell Lenalee and Lavi to wait for you so you don't get lost on your way to my car. I'll be waiting on you guys in the parking lot," Kanda replied while smirking, obviously pleased that he won this round.

* * *

><p><strong>Is it Camelot with a "C" or Kamelot with a "K"? I'll stick with C unless that's outrageously off. (FF lists her character as Road C., but I always thought it was with a K).<strong>

******Last but certainly not least: Why couldn't Allen see Road's soul? What kind of car do you think Kanda will drive?******

******(Thanks to everyone who reads! Especially you reviewers!)******


	12. Sometimes, Floor It & Hope For the Best

"Get one scratch on it, and you die," Kanda said flatly.

"Kanda," Lenalee said nervously, "my phone says we're supposed to get a couple of feet of snow tonight. Are you sure you want to take your car? Those roads are way too slick already!"

"We can always all try to fit in my jeep!" Lavi said excitedly.

"That deathtrap doesn't even have heat, Lavi, and there's no way in hell were having a repeat of last year," Kanda said gruffly.

"What happened last year?" Allen asked Lenalee quietly while the two fought over whose car was better.

"We thought we'd try to save money on gas and all squeeze in Lavi's car, but Lavi's battery broke the next morning and we were snowed in at the cabin for a whole week. Even for New Year's Day. If you've imagining a little cabin fever, this was so much worse. Imagine being me, stuck with," she looked over in horror as Lavi tried to take the driver's seat in Kanda's car. "_That_."

Lavi started beeping the horn to the sound of jingle bells and singing along, however, it didn't drown out Kanda's yelling from the other side of the locked door.

"For a whole week."

Kanda finally got the door open and pulled Lavi out in a display of what Allen thought was actual murder.

"With nothing to do."

Allen shuddered as he put his bag in the trunk of Kanda's way too expensive sports car. He didn't know much about cars, except how to hot-wire and drive a getaway one, but this was way above what any student could afford. It was black in every respect possible; even the rims had a nice obsidian finish._ A little flashy_, he thought.

"Wait a second, there are only two seats," Allen pointed out when he looked inside.

"What do you expect? It's a corvette, not a damn bitch's BMW," Kanda said nonchalantly.

"Like he said, we aren't having a repeat of last year," Lenalee said sweetly as she climbed into the jeep parked nearby.

Allen finally put everything together while looking at Lenalee's overly sweet complexion. He'd been the one tricked into riding in Kanda's car. _You two will die,_ he thought while glaring at Lenalee and Lavi revving up the green jeep with what sounded like evil laughter. They drove off to the end of the parking lot and didn't even give Allen a chance to argue.

Eventually accepting his fate, he ducked into the car and daintily shut the door behind him; if he slammed it, Kanda would probably run him over. Without a word, Kanda climbed in and revved the engine a few more times than was really necessary. Allen shot him a dismal look, and he just smirked and did it again for effect.

"You ready to do this, or what?" Lavi hollered from his car. Do_ what, exactly?_

Kanda rolled down his window and drove to the edge of the parking lot so that he was side by side with Lavi's car. "You mean, are you ready to lose for the third year in a row, jackass?"

Lenalee started hollering and cheering, and Allen felt his stomach drop. "A race," Allen said quietly in fear_. I'm dead. I'm actually dead._

"It'd only count as a race if Lavi actually knew how to drive," Kanda snorted back.

Allen started, "Nope, I want out-"

"Are you ready, boys? Three, two, one," Lenalee threw her arm forward and made a gunshot noise, "go!"

Kanda peeled out of the parking lot like Cross out of a liquor store and Allen clung to the seat for dear life.

"He's in a jeep, Jesus, Kanda, he's not going to catch up!" Allen yelled.

"We have to get a head start before we get to the icy mountain roads; his jeep kicks my car's ass with four-wheel drive," Kanda replied. Allen looked as the speedometer was already climbing to one hundred, and then applied that speed to the phrase_ icy mountain roads_.

"Let me out," He said immediately and pulled on the door handle.

"Don't be a baby," Kanda replied and stepped on the gas once again.

The empty streets trembled as Kanda drove unreasonably fast, tires screeching around every turn. Apparently red lights didn't matter to him, and he hadn't stopped once on their entire roller coaster ride. Allen noticed he was shifting gears every so often; _so it's a manual_, he noticed with curiosity.

"Finally," Kanda muttered as a bridge loomed ahead. Squinting ahead, Allen noticed they were swiftly leaving the outskirts of the city and heading toward a heavily pine tree encrusted path. The roads here were less groomed, and the wooded territory soon enveloped their car. Within a few moments, the road was more gravel than pavement.

Snow was beginning to fall, first quietly and slowly, and then picking up into a heavy rain of puffy flakes. The trees turned white against the deep green, and Kanda flipped on his fog lights and windshield wipers while cursing. Looking behind them, Allen noticed Lavi's headlights were cutting through the darkness a couple hundred feet back.

"We make a bet every year," Kanda muttered and started to speed up, "that whoever loses to the other has to go streaking in the middle of the night."

"Isn't Lenalee mortified every year then?" Allen asked while fearing for her purity.

"Don't be an idiot, it's just between me and Lavi! She just tweets about us while laughing. I think she actually got a picture of Lavi once," Kanda said while smirking.

"It's going to be you this year if you don't speed up," Allen said while looking over his shoulder.

"And you," Kanda said while coughing. Allen looked over at him in pure anger and he just kept his eyes on the road with an irritating sneer on his face.

"Hey! You can't just go putting me in idiotic bets, asshole!" Allen yelled and punched him.

"Don't touch me," Kanda said and shoved him back, "and it's way too late to back out now."

He shifted down gears as they came up to a curve that would start their winding battle up the mountain. The roads cut right into the side of the hill, going up at a steep but manageable incline. As they rounded the curve at a particularly safe angle, Allen felt relieved that Kanda wasn't going to recklessly sweep around at one hundred miles per hour. They hit a patch of black ice and he pumped the brakes a little until the car stabilized. Allen's heart raced a little when he realized that Kanda was actually being safe. He was going to be just fine.

Around the curve, they kept in the right lane and went around particularly slowly. Almost as if on cue, Lavi's jeep cut in the left lane and sped around the curve, passing them while beeping and hollering. Lenalee was hollering right along with him and yelled, "Catch you later, losers!"

"Oh, hell no!" Kanda yelled and mashed the accelerator while shifting gears.

"You're going too, fast, idiot," Allen yelled as Kanda sped up. Lavi was ahead by a good margin after he'd passed them on the last curve, and Kanda obviously was too mad to have any good driving sense.

_The road conditions are getting worse and worse with every second_, Allen thought while grimacing. A thin blanket of snow covered the road now, concealing any ice beneath.

He slammed the gas until they were running side by side with Lavi, clutching the steering wheel with white knuckles.

"Wait, Yuu, your car can't handle that sharp a turn at that speed! We can both slow down and restart around the curve!" Lavi yelled from his window, but Kanda paid no mind.

"Don't go overboard," Lenalee said a little frantically, but her voice was stolen by the wind as they sped past.

Suddenly the curve was in front of them, a lot quicker than they'd both anticipated since the road took an unexpected dip. "Shit," Kanda hissed as the car began sliding on a thick patch of ice.

"Start cutting it harder, now!" Allen said frantically as Kanda was barely turning the wheel.

"We're going to spin out if I do that, idiot!" He yelled back. Allen noticed through the fog of snow that there was no railing to catch them, and it was a pretty stiff drop from where they'd be spinning out.

"Flip the wheel the other way once you start losing control and it won't spin out," Allen said as his heart started beating against his ribs.

"Go the _opposite_ way? You don't know anything!" Kanda shouted through gritted teeth.

Allen felt his insides crawl as they weren't turning and were heading on a one-hundred-and-twenty-mile an hour straight line just before the cliff.

"Damn it," Allen said and reached over for the clutch. Switching it into neutral, the car began to slide and Kanda yelled out in surprise.

"You're actually trying to get us killed!"

Ignoring him, he reached over to the wheel and jerked it left, sending them drifting around the curve. The wheels couldn't madly spin out if they were locked up. He noticed that the end of the car was slightly off the cliff, with the back wheels barely still on the road. Kanda was yelling, screaming curses at him, but Allen held the wheel steady until he felt the wheels wavering._ If I try to shift, I'm only going to make it worse. The only thing I can do now is pray that the car and Kanda won't kill me._

As they continued to glide around the bend in a reckless and uncontrollable drift, Allen could definitely feel the back wheels wavering. Anticipating this, he straightened out the wheel and alternated between turning the wheel right, and then slightly left as the direction of the car changed, and then continued the pattern around the curve.

"Hit the gas," Allen commanded he put one hand back on the clutch and held the wheel steady with the other.

"You're telling me to go faster," Kanda said, dumbfounded at his logic.

"So help me God, if you do not floor it right now, I will personally kill you before this car will," Allen snapped. Without another word, the second he heard the car flare up, he switched up gears and held the wheel steady with one hand until they continued to drift around the end of the bend. With a ferocious roar, the car sped up and tore down the next stretch of road, stabilizing as they returned to gravel and not ice. There was another straight patch of road, and the car straightened up as Allen switched gears again.

As the car slowly readjusted from its rapid descent into hell, he and Kanda exchanged glance of mutual relief.

"Switch seats with me. You can't drive manual worth shit, and if I don't drive we are going to go off a cliff," Allen said while grinning.

"You're too short to even reach the gas pedal."

"While I appreciate your sense of humor," Allen said while nearly popping a blood vessel, "now is not the time for short jokes. These roads are way too slick and dangerous at this point, and if we stop the car were going to slip right back down this hill and off a cliff."

"I'm being serious. Your legs aren't long enough." Allen realized he wasn't kidding and felt whatever self-esteem he had crumble into dust.

"Well it's too damn hard to steer while leaning over the armrest," Allen said roughly as he noticed another curve coming up. He sat up on the armrest but was too high to see correctly, and visibility was already too low in the flurries of snow.

Allen couldn't believe he was saying it, but the words still came out of his mouth anyway. Desperate times call for desperate measures. "Spread your legs so that I can fit in between and we'll drive it tandem. You can hit the pedals while I steer."

Kanda looked at him in pure disgust and finally said, "No fucking way."

"All we have to do is survive, and then never speak of it again," Allen replied.

"I'd rather die, beansprout, so find a way to drive like that," Kanda said shortly and punched Allen a little too roughly. He fell forward a due to the lack of seatbelt, and one of the wheels ran up against some of the piled up snow on the side of the road. The car start jerking as it fought for traction, and Allen lost control of the wheel, smacking his head on the dashboard and jamming the wrist he tried to use to stop himself.

Allen pulled his hand away from his forehead and hissed; he was bleeding, but he put it aside when he noticed that Kanda was struggling to keep the car straight.

"Don't hit the driver! And drive straight, damn it, didn't you just see how I was doing it?" Allen yelled and took the wheel back, trying to not hurt his wrist any more than he'd already sprained it. He cursed when he hit a bump and had to make a sharp twist of the wheel; the way he leaned gave him no leverage.

"Shit," Kanda said when he noticed Allen was having trouble holding the wheel steady, "can't you just sit on my lap or something?"

"It'll restrict your movement too much and you won't be able to pump the brakes correctly," Allen cursed mid sentence when he noticed the curve was right ahead, "and we really don't have time to come up with anything else." _Kanda's acting like I gave this no thought. I've already come up with every other solution possible,_ he thought while fighting the urge to kick him out of the car.

Kanda sighed and muttered out expletives, some in Japanese, before opening his legs so that Allen could fit. Allen carefully held the wheel steady and slid from his perch on the armrest. He really needed to stop wearing such tight jeans; it was too hard to move in these damn things.

Brushing Kanda's thigh, he pulled himself over in one swift movement. There really wasn't enough space, since cars weren't exactly made for this, but_ there really wasn't enough space. _Kanda was straddling him way too tightly, and made a slight noise of disgust as Allen positioned himself so that he could see properly._ Don't think about it, don't think about it, and don't think about it_, Allen replayed as he focused on the road.

"Don't get so damn comfortable," Kanda muttered in embarrassment.

"Like I said," Allen winced a little as Kanda sat as far back in the seat as possible, "this never happened. Don't sit like that, either; you can't hit the pedals effectively."

Kanda sighed and barely moved. Allen's knuckles were clenched and his nails dug into the steering wheel through his gloves. He sharply responded, "Please swallow your pride, just this once. You're going to have to get in tighter if you want to do this right and be able to see. Just think of it like riding a motorcycle or something; do whatever you need to do so that you'll quit your bitching."

Begrudgingly, Kanda leaned in and straddled him tighter until Allen's knees were pressing together. He weaved his arms underneath Allen's and put his hands on the wheel to help keep it steady. "Happy?"

"Not in the slightest. Now, step on the gas," Allen said.

"Are you crazy? The car is already sliding on this ice; we're going to be fishtailing in seconds," Kanda argued back.

"I'll turn the wheel the opposite way the car is swaying, and we can use the momentum to pull us around the curve. Do it now, Kanda," Allen commanded.

"You are fucking insane," Kanda mumbled, but did as he was told. Just like Kanda predicted, the car started to go out of control, and the tail end swayed back and forth. Allen reverted to pulling the wheel back and forth in the same direction that the back-end was swaying to help them from doing three-sixties.

They were midway through the curve, and Allen realized he wasn't going to be able to turn sharply enough to make it around without them skidding off.

"Floor it until we're too out of control, and then pump the brakes," Allen said, flipping the clutch into neutral and even pulling the emergency brake as they started sliding so they had as much resistance as possible. Not even arguing with his crazy suggestion, Kanda hit the gas and then the brakes, and Allen cut the wheel sharply to the left. They swung around the curve and Allen swiftly pulled the break down while shift up gears, sending them slingshotting around the bend.

They both let out a sigh of relief, and Allen slightly twisted the wheel to follow the winding road.

Bright headlights lit up the side of the hill in front of them, and sure enough, Lavi was off-roading his way up the bends until he was back on the road, _ahead of them._

"That's cheating!" Allen protested as they slowly sped up. "Wait, are these windows tinted?"

"Yeah, why?" Kanda said, and then realized why he asked. Lavi and Lenalee seeing them now would not end well. There was a minute or two of complete and total silence in the car, and Allen couldn't pick out if the awkwardness of the situation or the tension was what convinced him not to speak.

"We're totally going to lose," Kanda said eventually, as Lavi's jeep stayed a couple hundred feet ahead of them.

"No, we're just going to have to cut him off at this curve. And Kanda," he smirked while leaning over the wheel, "I never lose a bet."

Following their usual pattern, they easily swept by Lavi and the boost from the drift shot them ahead.

"Hell yeah!" Kanda yelled enthusiastically. This near death driving was giving Allen the same adrenaline rush and he was grinning like an idiot, too, as they whipped around the curves with ease.

"Wait, where exactly is this place?" Allen asked while looking over his shoulder at Kanda. For a split second, Allen was sure he saw Kanda smiling, but the second he noticed Allen glancing at him, his face returned to its permanent scowl.

"Uh, it's a straight drop down the driveway once we're at the top of this godforsaken mountain," Kanda replied.

"Kanda," Allen said quietly, "we are at the top." There was a moment of silence as they sent out their last prayers to the mortal world.

"Start hitting the breaks already!" Allen yelled frantically as he started shifting down to the lowest gear. Snapping out of his daze, Kanda used his heel to intermittently pull at the breaks, sending them in a choppy, uncontrollable dip downwards.

"We're too close to the bottom. I'm going to have to stop this thing now," Allen shouted.

"Stop it? Even you can't pull that off!"

He noticed a firm snow bank ahead, and calmed himself down so that he could focus. "Trust me," Allen said, hoping to reassure himself more than anyone else.

Unexpectedly, Kanda tightly wrapped his arms around Allen, presumably to keep him from snapping his neck on the harsh impact he expected. "Just don't get any more blood on my car."

"Don't be so worried," Allen said nervously, and then jerked the wheel as hard as he could to the left. The car immediately spun, and Allen used the momentum of him falling forward in the seat to reach the brake with his foot. He slammed down as hard as he could and abandoned the wheel, using one hand to pull the emergency brake and the other to pull the key out of the ignition. They came to a screeching halt, facing the exact opposite way they'd been before. Allen quickly turned the car back on and put it in park before they could go rolling off, although the snow bank he strategically stopped in front of prevented an immediate slide.

Allen didn't realize he was holding his breath, but immediately gasped for air as the car went silent. Kanda was out of breath too, and let go of Allen while leaning back in the seat in relief. He rolled down the window since it was so stuffy in the car, and Allen felt the frigid night breeze calm his nerves.

"We're alive," Kanda finally said in disbelief.

"And we totally kicked Lavi's ass!" Allen cheered.

"Is that all you cared about?"

"Mostly. Not dying was a bonus."

Lavi's headlights eventually illuminated the path and he stopped much more gracefully next to Kanda's car._ Damn his four-wheel drive._

He hopped out almost immediately and came over to knock on their window while yelling, "You guys, that was badass! Yuu, you were pulling some serious need for speed, fast and furious, nascar worthy-"

Lavi's mouth fell open slightly as he saw the pair in the lewd position, with Kanda's legs wrapped around Allen and him squeezed between, not an inch of room separating them. The jostle from the abrupt parking disjointed whatever dignified position they'd mastered beforehand, but this was just downright scandalous.

Kanda couldn't hide his mortified expression, but Allen just grinned while still gripping the wheel tightly and chirped, "Hi, Lavi! Long time no-"

"Lenaleeeee!" Lavi yelled while falling to his knees in laughter. Kanda kicked the door open and forcefully kicked Allen out in the same manner, leaving him groaning down on the ice.

"Why," Lavi said while wiping a tear from his fit of laughter, "just, man, why?"

"Kanda can't drive worth shit, and I wasn't about to die in a car wreck," Allen said as he tried to pick himself back up.

"I drive just fine in normal conditions," Kanda replied sharply and punched him so hard he slipped on the ice again.

"Shit," He mumbled and helped the disoriented Allen back up, who was a little wobbly from the impact. "Didn't mean to deck you."

"Hmmm?" Lavi let out a noise of curiosity as he began to pull things out of his trunk and watched the other two bicker over different driving techniques. Eventually they both started laughing, maybe when the realized what had just happened, and Lavi smiled. Kanda usually never had a personality, much less smiled, but recently he'd been all over the map. It was nice to see a shred of him left from back when they were kids.

"Hurry up and follow me inside, okay, Yuu? It's freezing out here!" Lavi said brightly as he sifted through his trunk.

"Don't call me that! So much for it didn't happen," Kanda grumbled as he popped open his own trunk.

"Let's just not look at Lavi or Lenalee's twitter for the night, shall we?" Allen suggested as he pulled his own stuff out of the trunk. They met back up with Lavi, and Allen looked around for a house, but didn't see one. Lavi led them down the side of the cliff along a small dirt and ice path that winded down.

"Gramps built the cabin beneath this cliff so all the snow wouldn't cave in the roof in one of these storms," Lavi said as he led the three down the path while swinging around a key chain.

Allen admired the hidden house when they got to the bottom; it wasn't too flashy, but was designed extremely well. It was two stories, with the bottom having large windows so that he could take in the mountain view from indoors, and a balcony on the second floor with rustic doors that led out to it. The exterior was reminiscent of a log cabin, with large panels of polished pine wood building up the walls of the cabin. There was a large chimney that stuck out from the arched roof, and Lavi went over to the side of the house to grab some firewood.

He threw the keys over to Lenalee, who was shivering in her skirt and tights, and she went to unlock the door. She fumbled with the frozen lock, but the door eventually opened and she rushed inside.

"Hurry up with that wood, Lavi, it's freezing in here!" Lenalee called out. There breath was visible even inside, and Lenalee flipped on the lights so that she could find the thermostat as quick as possible.

Allen took a look around; there were stairs directly ahead of him, a living room over to the left, and a kitchen over to the right. The design was pretty modern, despite what he expected, and the kitchen was all stainless steel appliances and black granite counters. The living room had nice leather couches with a large flat screen perched on a glass stand. A fireplace centered the room, grand and surrounded by intricate river stones.

Kanda put his stuff down on the coffee table and sat down on the couch, sighing in relief at the fact they were finally here.

"Aha!" Lenalee said from somewhere in the kitchen.

Lavi came barging in, and dropped his bag on the floor before carrying the bundle of firewood over. As he started to get the fire going, Allen walked upstairs and noticed it was just one giant room with a large bathroom off to the left. There were two plush beds, and then the double doors that led off to the balcony he saw earlier.

"Allen, come help me!" Lavi called out to him from the bottom floor and Allen put his stuff down.

"Back there," Kanda mumbled while pointing to the back of the living room._ Do I really look that lost?_

As Allen walked back, he realized that the house was a lot bigger than he'd originally believed. A hall took him down to another bedroom, bathroom, laundry room, and a giant bonus room. There's a whole other side to the house he didn't even know existed.

The game room had a giant billiard table, a dartboard, another giant TV, and a poker table with chips already stacked up. "Allen!"

He stepped out of the room and headed over to the bedroom that had a grand window and two beds, too.

"We usually give this room to Lenalee so she has her privacy. Can you help me get this extra bed upstairs?"

"Of course," Allen said and picked up one end of the wooden frame and Lavi picked up the other, heaving it up with ease.

"Whoa, you're pretty strong for being that small," Lavi said when Allen ended up being the one carrying most of the weight.

"I'm not small, I'm a perfectly decent height," Allen said while wincing.

"Couldn't reach the gas pedal," Lavi sang as they made their way through the living room.

"Shut up," Kanda and Allen muttered in unison.

"I wish I would've seen it," Lenalee said wistfully while sighing in true disappointment.

Kanda snorted and Allen nearly dropped the bed when Lavi and Lenalee broke off into sidesplitting laughter.

"Still, Allen," Lavi said while they climbed up the stairs, "where the hell did you learn to drive like that?"

"I just went on instinct, I guess. I've played Need for Speed a couple of times, too," Allen replied nonchalantly. He'd really never driven anything in extreme conditions, but it all made sense in his head.

"Instinct, eh?"

Lavi stretched out his back when the put down the bed, and then excitedly ran back down the stairs while yelling something about hot chocolate. Allen followed him back down, and noticed that Lenalee was lying partially upside down in a soft chair while flipping through channels. Every single one she stopped on received a loud protest from Kanda, and Allen decided to follow Lavi into the kitchen.

"Now," Lavi said as he started boiling some water, "here's where the fun begins!"

"What do you mean?" Allen asked as he brought out four cups. He looked for something in a low cabinet and cheered when he found it. Allen sighed when he saw the different alcoholic bottles he was pulling out.

"I should've expected as much from you." After growing up with it for years, Allen could honestly say he hated the way it smelled and the way people acted when drunk. However, he wasn't about to ruin the fun and needed to get over his uneasy dislike of alcohol if he expected to make it out of his twenties.

"If you think this is something," Lavi said sensually as he shut the cabinet, "just wait until tomorrow night."

Allen tried to push away his fears of Christmas and asked, "What are you doing right now, exactly?"

"Russian roulette, except with hot chocolate," he said while winking.

He took the first mug and started liberally pouring in what smelled like pure peppermint and cough syrup. Allen waited for him to stop pouring, but he only tapped it off when the mug was half full.

"Lavi!" Allen gasped; that drink alone was enough to send someone stumbling off the cliff.

He poured in thick hot chocolate to mix in, and then topped it off with whipped cream. Humming, he set the hot drink aside and moved on to the next cup. This time, he went easy on a cinnamon liqueur, added rum, and then a creamy, white hot chocolate for most the mix.

"Lenalee always gets the cinnamon; I'm not completely evil. Can you go take it to her?" Lavi asked as he moved on to the next one. Allen graciously picked up the mug and brought it over to Lenalee.

"Did Lavi make this?" She asked warily while sniffing it. It smelled heavenly, but that was what usually destroyed her sobriety.

"Yeah, but I watched him, so it's not deadly," Allen said. She laughed and thanked him, taking a sip and smiling as the hot liquid warmed her right up.

When Allen came back into the kitchen, he realized that Lavi had already made two more and was grinning madly. "You tricked me," Allen said in disbelief.

"Pick one!" Lavi said brightly and gestured at the three cups.

"I'm not touching anything that smells like peppermint," Allen muttered as he eyed the three cups.

"The peppermint is always the middle value, Allen. So if you don't pick that one, you'll either get much less, or much more. It's safer to go with peppermint, in my opinion," Lavi said while rubbing his chin.

Allen pulled his hair back and sniffed the first one; it hinted at coconut and dark chocolate with the sharp scent of alcohol mixing the two. The middle one was obviously the peppermint, since it had the whipped cream on top. The last one smelled like Irish cream and marshmallows, making Allen's mouth water a little.

He instinctively picked that one; it smelled a lot smoother than the other ones, making it the one with the least amount of alcohol in it. Lavi picked the coconut and handed the peppermint to Allen.

"Give it to Kanda, he'll trust you more," Lavi whispered and they both grinned as they headed into the living room.

"Here you go, Kanda!" Allen said and held out the cup. Kanda glowered at him and then took the drink, warily looking back and forth between Allen and the cup.

"Don't be a baby, Kanda. He barely put more than he put in Lenalee's because he knew you'd get mad," Allen said and casually sat down on the couch while taking a sip of his own. Kanda snatched the mug and started sipping on it, not even phased by the amount of alcohol in it.

"My homemade hot chocolate could mask rat poison," Lavi whispered in Allen's ear as they both watched Kanda drink it as if it were water.

Lenalee threw the remote over to Allen and said, "Try to pick something that Kanda won't turn down, Allen, because I'm sick of arguing with him."

"Uhm," Allen faltered a little, "I've never actually seen a Christmas movie."

They all swiveled around to stare at him in disbelief. Even Kanda nearly spat out his drink.

"Kanda's seen a couple of movies, even though he hates them!" Lavi said and grabbed the remote. "You had no childhood, did you?!"

"Not really," Allen said while scratching the back of his head.

"Well it's obviously time to fix that, now isn't it?" Lavi clicked his tongue as he flipped through the channels and then stopped abruptly. "Look! It's how Kanda stole Christmas!"

Lavi nearly fell off the couch with a swift elbow to his gut and Kanda said, "We are not watching this campy bullshit."

"Shhhh," Lavi said and was instantly enveloped into the movie. Lenalee put her empty mug down and joined them on the couch, squeezing between Lavi and Allen.

"It's okay to cry, Allen. We're all friends here," Lenalee whispered, and Lavi nodded in complete agreement. One of them quickly got up to flip the lights off, and Lavi put more wood on the fire before settling in on the couch.

Much to Allen's dismay, his mug was empty. He set it next to Lenalee and Kanda's on the table in front of them and Lenalee looked curiously at it for a moment. "Which one did you pick, exactly?"

"The one that had Irish cream in it, I believe," Allen said nonchalantly. Lenalee swung her head to look over at Lavi, who put a finger over his lips.

* * *

><p>"Would you two quit it already?" Kanda yelled over the pair sitting on the floor singing and laughing.<p>

"I'm teaching him the true meaning of Christmas! Can you believe someone doesn't know the words to a single Christmas song?" Lavi said and started running through the lines again with Allen.

"I'm sick of hearing you two sing like idiots! Lavi, your voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard!"

"Nails on a chalkboard sounds like a retro metal band," Lenalee said absent-mindedly as she continued to watch the movie everyone else abandoned.

"So if Lavi sings like a retro metal band, then what do I sing like?" Allen said while grinning.

"Like pretty piano music," Lenalee said and then started humming the Little Drummer Boy.

"No matter how many songs you teach me though," Allen stopped and suddenly looked serious, "you'll never convince me that Christmas movies aren't lame."

"Take it back!" Lenalee and Lavi yelled at the same time, and Lavi tackled him. They started wrestling, with Lenalee cheering on Lavi from one end and Kanda trying to pretend like he didn't know the three.

"Kick his ass!" Lenalee shouted, but Lavi ended up getting pinned down by Allen.

"Admit it! Christmas movies are shit!" Allen yelled while wrestling with Lavi.

"You just don't appreciate them right!" Lavi yelled back playfully and pinned him down. "Aren't I right, Lenalee?"

Allen and Lavi lost track of time somewhere within their wrestling war, and looked over at the couch. Lenalee was crying into an extremely disturbed Kanda. She started wailing, "All the other reindeer accepted him, Kanda! They accept him even for his nose! He has friends that love him now!"

They looked back at the screen and realized the movie ended, leaving a catastrophically emotional Lenalee behind. She grasped tightly on to Kanda while sobbing and crying about the cute, little reindeer. Ignoring the unfixable situation on the couch, Allen pushed Lavi off of him and put him into a headlock. "You can only appreciate them if you're five!"

"They're pretty terrible. No, they're probably the worst," Kanda added as he hesitantly patted Lenalee's back.

"You two just have no souls!" Lavi cried out as Allen let go of him and stood up, being the clear winner.

Allen winced at the seemly harmless words and tried to keep his cheerful demeanor. Ever since he'd seen Road without a soul, he'd started to people watch out of his left eye whenever he had the spare time. Everyone had some sort of soul attached to them, and as he kept using his eyes he was starting to pick up different colored auras on them. However, he only had one problem; he'd never been able to see a soul staring back at him in the mirror.

"Alright, whatever, enjoy your lame movies. I'm going to sleep. You are all giving me a headache," Kanda grumbled as Lenalee and Lavi were yelling at him about the true Christmas spirit.

With a yawn, Lavi said, "I'm pretty beat, too. And I need lots of sleep for how early we're getting up tomorrow!"

Kanda was halfway up the stairs before he peered back down and surly repeated, "We?"

"Point taken," Lavi remarked.

"Goodnight, Lenalee," Allen said as she headed over to her room in the back. She waved and disappeared into the dark room.

Just as he put his foot on the first stair, a buzzing noise went off in the living room. He headed back over and realized he left his phone; but who would be calling him this late? It was probably just a wrong number, however, the area code was from around town so he picked up the phone anyway._ I can't believe I have service in this storm_.

"Hey, babe." Allen could feel his face turning to a very ugly mask of annoyance and looked at the ID again.

"How'd you get this number?" Allen sighed heavily and sat down on the couch. _I should just hang up._

"Fate sure does work in mysterious ways," the voice said, and then trailed off.

"You sound drunk," Allen replied flatly.

"So do you, my dear Allen." Point taken.

Allen considered hanging up once again but curiosity took over. "Why'd you call, Tyki?"

"It's um, important," he stopped and Allen heard some mumbling on the other line. Tyki was having a quiet argument with someone else, a voice he couldn't recognize.

"Lulubell! Tyki has the phone again!" That was definitely Devit's voice, and Allen mentally yelled at himself for not hanging up. Whatever civil argument began between the two picked up into a full-fledged war, with an annoyed Tyki on one end and a fierce Devit on the other. Allen heard the sound of a gun clicking, and the yelling stopped. Finally Devit got a hold of the phone and said, "H-hey Allen! Sorry to be bothering you on Christmas and all."

"You tried to kill me. All of you. So why are you dropping a line tonight?" Allen said through gritted teeth. From far away, he heard Tyki chime in_, "I didn't try to."_

"Dropping a line? Whatever, the point is you aren't dead and-" Tyki's voice cut him off from afar.

_"We're all so glad you aren't dead! Road nearly got a spanking for killing you!"_

"Tyki! Shut up! I'm trying to do business here!"

"Business," Allen murmured as he listened to more fighting. There was a loud crash on the other side of the line, followed by a lot of cursing. Suddenly he could hear Road's shrill voice.

"You're going to scare Santa away if you don't shut up! Wait, who's on the phone? We never make phone calls." Devit informed her that it was Allen, and he heard a loud cry of joy.

"Allen! Can he hear me? Devit, hand me the phone!" Road said and Allen sighed while listening to more fighting.

"Listen, Allen," Devit started, and then yelled a chain of expletives at Tyki, "I think I'm going to have to call you back."

"Don't bother."

"No need to be so cold," Devit said nervously. Road's voice cut off whatever he was about to say. "Aha!"

There was a lot more arguing, and it sounded like something expensive smashed on the floor. Allen heard the ringing of gunshots and more yelling; apparently no one had the phone at the moment.

"Idiots," he heard an unfamiliar voice mumble from the other end, "Expect a call sometime tomorrow. Pick up the phone, or we'll come to you."

With that, the unfamiliar person started yelling and chastising the others and hung up.

Allen got up from the couch with a new headache; he headed up the stairs. When he reached the top, it was almost as if nothing changed.

Kanda and Lavi were bickering over a bed, and Allen just put his stuff on undisputed territory and went into the bathroom to wash his face. The chilly water woke him up a little, and he faced the mirror again. He looked tipsy, but aside from that, perfectly normal. He sighed, closed his eyes, and reopened the left one.

It'd be easy to pass this off at the idea that it didn't work in mirrors, but every time he'd done this, there _was_ something. It was shadowy and didn't look like a soul, but the strange aura clung to his left eye. Suddenly there was a soul registering in the room, surrounded by a cheery, yellow aura. Allen jumped and shut his left eye.

"Shit, man, I didn't mean to scare you," Lavi said as he started brushing his teeth. Just Lavi. _That proves my theory that it doesn't work in mirrors wrong, then._

Allen walked out and sat down on his bed, lost in thought. His arm was throbbing for no clear reason, but then he remembered he hadn't taken any medicine today. Plus, his other wrist was sprained from his encounter with Kanda's dashboard.

Gripping his hand as it started burning and cramping, he almost went to grab all his meds, but he stopped himself when he realized Kanda was in the room. He looked over and noticed that Kanda was staring at him, seemingly lost in thought too. Allen raised an eyebrow and he suddenly snapped out of it, standing up to go use the bathroom as Lavi came out.

The glint of the sword hidden behind the nightstand caught his eye and he looked curiously over at the katana. Lavi flipped the light switch and then noticed the sword too, mumbling, "Why does he bring that stupid thing along everywhere?"

_This was really starting to hurt_, he thought miserably while pretending to lift up the covers as if he was going to sleep. Kanda eventually came out of the bathroom, and Lavi was already snoring into his pillow.

Waiting a good twenty minutes in agony, Allen finally assumed the coast was clear when Lavi was snoring loudly and Kanda's breathing was a lot heavier. Everything was organized in his bag, so he knew exactly where to look for what and grabbed a necessary handful of pills without the slightest of rattling. There was no way he could dry swallow these, especially based on past choking experiences, and decided he would have to go get some water.

Using all the stealth skills he'd used to get around Cross for the past ten years, he silently made his way down the stairs. These skills were somewhat, diluted, however, by the sheer amount of alcohol he'd taken in, and he nearly somersaulted down the stairs more than once.

Cursing under his breath, he almost dropped a glass he pulled out from the cabinet, due to his poor lack of balance on his tiptoes.

He lightly turned on the faucet, using the moonlight from the window over the sink to guide him. It took him a few seconds to realize no water was actually getting in the cup, and he moved his hand. Satisfied with his mission, he turned off the water and washed the pills down. When he turned around to leave, he dropped the cup out of shock when he met a towering figure.

"Bloody hell! You can't be doing that to people," Allen whispered fiercely as he tried to catch his breath.

"Bloody hell?" Kanda repeated, trying to mimic his accent. He caught the cup before it smashed on the ground.

"Shoot, no, I mean, shit. Don't sneak up on people! I thought you were asleep," Allen replied frantically while trying to mask his accent.

Kanda stood there for a few minutes before he was able to pose the question with a straight face. "Why do you talk and sound like a Brit?"

"I lived there for a couple years before I came here, no big deal. I bunked out of London when I was little and grew up around here, but when that fell out Cross and I went back to London for a bit, and now I'm back at where I started." Allen knew his inconsistent rambling was only making it worse and glowered at the grin creeping up on Kanda's face.

"Don't look at me like that you damn tosser." Allen winced when he realized his accent was still heavy and cleared his throat.

"You've been hiding that accent this whole time," Kanda said in disbelief, desperately trying to hold in his laughter. Allen glared back at him and snatched the cup from his grasp._ This alcohol really has me off my guard._

"Now that I think about it, you really do sound British when you get mad. Always saying arse instead of ass," Kanda pondered.

"Whatever, you won't be able to convince Lavi or Lenalee its true," Allen said, regaining whatever American accent he could gather. "Why are you bothering me, anyway? It's two in the morning."

Kanda seemed a little stuck for a moment as he tried to come up with a reason, and Allen grew increasingly more angry as he realized that he didn't have one.

"So you decided to follow me, is that it? It's not like I snuck off to go make a deal with the devil; I just wanted some water! Stay out of my business," he replied and tried to end the conversation there, but Kanda stopped him from passing.

"Why are you still wearing gloves?" Allen sighed and leaned up against the sink while keeping his gloved hands as far behind him as he could without looking suspicious.

"My hands are still scarred from Road's attack and I didn't want to freak Lavi out." Allen wasn't liking where this was headed; the scars had actually healed at this point, and it really was just his usual pain. But that Kanda was stressing over both of his hands was a good thing; that meant he wasn't keen on the left one.

"Those should've healed up a couple of days ago," Kanda said while glaring suspiciously.

"Well, they didn't," Allen replied dumbly.

"Let me see how bad it is," Kanda said and reached for one of his hands._ Or maybe he did know about his hand, and his innocence, and his best way to look innocent was to corner me when I'm drunk._

Allen narrowed his eyes and said, "You're just curious about why I wear gloves. And my answer is that it's none of your damn business."

"Got an excuse for why you wear them all the time? There's never been a second I've seen you with them off, even when I slept over at your place," Kanda said and got close to his face while glaring.

"I've got poor blood circulation and my hands get cold easy," Allen replied smartly.

"Take them off," Kanda growled and pushed him.

"Piss off," Allen said angrily and tried to force his way past.

Kanda grabbed his arm and yanked him backward until his back ran into a counter and his head hit a cabinet. Before he could start yelling, something stopped him.

"Excuse me, Allen said in a bittersweet tone as his phone started ringing, "I think I have to take this."

Kanda didn't stop him as he went out of earshot, and Allen had no intention of picking up the phone as he stepped out the front door and sat on the porch. It was freezing outside, no; it was much colder than freezing. He looked at the phone as it rang again.

He answered the phone, and it almost sounded like a second hadn't passed by since the phone call ended. "What?" Allen asked, his headache returning in full force.

"Don't sound so angry, Allen. It doesn't suit you," Tyki said sweetly._ I really hate this guy._

"I'm hanging up," Allen said when he realized that answering the phone was a bad idea.

"Fine, fine, be that way. All I wanted to say was happy birthday," Tyki said, and Allen could almost see that smirk he always had through the phone.

"It's not-" he pulled the phone away from his ear, noticing that it was two in the morning. Technically that counted.

"How'd you know," Allen muttered.

"A man's intuition is never wrong." Suddenly the pandemonium on the other end of the line stopped, and he heard a chorus of voices saying, "Happy birthday, Allen!"

_A bunch of murderers are wishing me happy birthday._ "Ah, thanks, I guess," Allen said while blushing, a little charmed by their excitement.

"Okay, my turn to talk to Allen!" _"Someone stop her!"_

"Road, it's way past your bedtime. No phone calls for you."_ Bad move, Devit,_ Allen thought when he remembered Road's temperament.

There was a silence, followed by a low growl from Road's throat.

"What did you just say to me?" The phone line cut almost immediately after, and Allen couldn't even try to imagine what happened.

"You are all so strange," Allen murmured as he stared at the silent phone. He walked back over to the door and tried the handle.

"That bastard didn't," Allen muttered as he tried the handle again. Suddenly he looked back down at his phone. Incoming Call from Kanda.

"You can't be serious," was the first thing Allen said as he picked up the phone.

"Take off your gloves, and I'll open the door," Kanda said. Allen noticed him glaring from the window, and tried not to visibly shiver so much.

"No chance in hell," Allen replied fiercely, and sat back down.

"Fine, freeze to death," Kanda replied nonchalantly. It was seriously cold; he wouldn't last more than another hour out here.

Instead of focusing on the cold, Allen looked out at the incredible view the house had. Just off the cliff, a mountain range cut through the snowy, pine forest. The peaks were capped off with craggy peaks of waxy grey and silvery white snow, reflecting the moonlight. Since the house was in the middle of nowhere with no lights or other houses for miles, the night was full of untainted stars and silky waves of indigo.

The moon was so full and vibrant, almost close enough for him to reach out and touch. Its hollowed out craters were sharply etched into the surface, and the brightness of the moon fought against the dark sky.

_I could probably sit here and watch the sky all night and not get bored_, he thought as a wave of numbness and dizziness hit him._ Maybe with a blanket._

"Allen?" He almost forgot he was still on the phone with Kanda.

"Not losing," Allen mumbled incoherently through chattering teeth. It's not even cold anymore.

"Come on, you idiot." Kanda wasn't angry anymore, and reverted back to his usual worried but somewhat apathetic voice.

Dosing off for a few seconds and then startling himself back awake; he fell out of the chair and onto the deck. "What was that?"

Allen couldn't reach his phone, much less pick himself up. "Shit," he mumbled when he realized his arms were too numb and shaky to work. The last thing running through his mind was that the Noah called him to wish him a happy birthday, and that Kanda was an asshole.

The porch door swung open and Kanda stepped out into the cold, cursing as the wind chilled him and nearly knocked him over. He bent down to look if Allen was still awake and kicked him with his boot. "Hey," he said, but didn't get a response. _His lips are turning blue,_ Kanda thought, feeling slightly guilty.

Not wasting any time out in the cold, Kanda lifted up his freezing and limp figure and silently shut the door behind him. Making sure he didn't fall over, he carried him up the stairs and prayed that they hadn't woken up Lenalee and Lavi.

He pulled up the covers on Allen's bed and set him down as gently as possible, which ended up being pretty rough._ Whatever._ He went over to the closet and picked out a heavy, woolen blanket. Gingerly wrapping it around Allen, who was shaking in his sleep, he made sure that it was secure before pulling the covers over him. Hesitant but still certain, he leaned over and softly kissed him on the cheek. Not really sure why he did it, he headed back over to his bed throughly puzzled and somewhat pissed off at himself.

Too tired to try to figure out what the hell was wrong with him, he fell beneath the covers and slipped into a comfortable but uncertain sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Everything about this chapter was too much fun to write. Sorry to my reviewers who dislike this sort of thing; less action than usual, I know, I know. It's not like I'm pulling a relationship out of nowhere and making it the main focus or anything like most writers are fond of doing; it's just one of the other things going on off to the side. I can pick right back up with the dark action right off the bat next chapter if you really want (just say the word!) but be careful what you wish for...<strong>

**What business did the Noah want? And what does Christmas have in store for the gang?!**

**Till next update!**

**(as always, you reviewers are super sweet and helpful. p.s.- it was totally going to be black car, you were right on that one.)**


	13. Phone Calls Usually Make You Feel Worse

_Allen was never too familiar with colors in the first place, but this was too much nothing all at once. He didn't like it._

"_Screaming, you say? In the middle of the street?"_

_He wasn't sure where he was, but it was washed white. The chair he sat in felt cold; the building felt colder. Someone stole all the warmth left in the air and left him shivering in a dull office. He didn't like it._

"_I think he was related to the man who died in the car wreck; that's what he said, at least. I didn't see a wreck, but I didn't check around any of the other streets. Although, with that hideous scar and arm, I doubt I'd call anyone a father to him," the man said wistfully._

_He saw the words, Social Service Department, printed on a piece of paper the same way they'd been placed on the side of the building. He let himself be led in here for no apparent reason; there was no reason to wait outside in the snow, either. They went to a little waiting room and waited on someone to come out. It was dark outside and the man mentioned Christmas, and his family._

_Allen remembered wishing him a Merry Christmas back out in the waiting room._

"_We're really not here for your diagnosis, although it was smart on your part to bring him here. Based on what you described, no, based on his behavior since you brought him here," the man winced slightly as he looked over at Allen, "I'd deem it as acute, untreated schizophrenia."_

"_Schizophrenia? Is that why we were led to the medical division of the building? He doesn't exactly seem like the type," the man replied. He could tell the man didn't like looking at him, because his eyes would never meet Allen's. Everyone's eyes did that. _

_Schizophrenia. Allen didn't like that word. He'd heard it once, back when Mana and he-_

_Mana. That name was familiar, wasn't it? He looked over at the relaxed man behind the desk._

"_Mana?" Allen questioned, but his voice was weak. They both ignored him._

"_I thought you said you hardly knew the boy? Those scars are evidence enough he's had some childhood trauma."_

_The room warped, like someone stuck their hand into a pool, and the ripples changed the atmosphere. Allen blinked a couple of times, and suddenly, the room was different. The man looked older, more aged, and much more afraid. _

_The desk lamp was the only thing in the room that was on, compared to the brightness before. It was snowing outside the window, and Allen fought back the urge to want to go play outside. He swung his legs back and forth in the tall chair and smiled at the thought of playing outside._

"_I don't have a right to question your reasoning, sir. And treatment?" The man who brought him in sat stiffly, looking over at Allen in fear._

_The other, presumably the one in charge, looked at Allen's current state and back at the man. Allen didn't like the looks they were giving him; he felt like a wounded, cornered animal. He wasn't really sure when he'd gotten here, or how long it'd been since-_

"_It'll take months, really. The longer you leave this disease alone, the more it rots out the brain. We'll have to keep him on the heavy narcotics until he stops screaming and exhibiting such, " he struggled for a word, "demonic outbursts. Then we'll see what medication works and what doesn't, and more importantly, what he remembers."_

_Since what?_

"_Therapy will pick off from there, but I doubt he'll ever leave an institution. This building is far too inadequate to deal with someone like this; I'm going to contact a couple of people in the London faction and see what I can do there. There's no one connected to this kid; we don't have an ID, or even a name to look up. White hair from trauma, disfigured face, malnourished: to be quite honest, not even an orphanage would let him in. No one is coming for him. Kids are so impressionable at this age; a terrifying tragedy he is, really."_

_I really don't have anyone. But I don't want to stay here. How long have I been here?_

"_You sound more interested than concerned. It's only been a week!" The man's words were tainted with bitterness. He could tell the man regretted ever getting to know Allen. _

_Wait, a week?_

_The other shrugged his shoulders. "What can I say? A perfect case study with no ties to the outside world shows up at my door and I'm supposed to not be excited?" The first man didn't share his enthusiasm. _

"_I'm just glad you brought him in. These kids grow up to be real psychopaths. The serial killer type. If he isn't already there," the doctor said while smiling at Allen._

"_Don't worry about him; he wasn't yours to begin with, right? You've done an amazing tribute to society; we could get some real answers about the disease from him. But for your welfare," he led the man out the door, "I'd pretend like this never happened."_

"_Not crazy," Allen mumbled as he started to put himself back together. He recognized the hesitant look in his eyes; he knew not to leave him here. His weary and pitiful glance was only for a fleeting moment, but it told Allen all he needed to know. _

_He was in hell._

_The man averted his eyes and left, turning his back on Allen. And the second he walked out, Allen was left with the darkening doctor. He could hear a soft mumbling, little voices crawling out through the floorboards. They're back._

_The ghosts that would sometimes materialize when he was younger were suddenly much more frequent; even worse, they were violent and starting to leave physical scratches and bruises. He wasn't sure which way to run, since he'd been led so far back in this building, and he wasn't sure which direction they were coming from. Instead, he just waited on the edge of his seat and nervously watched the man fill out some form. _

"_Something wrong?" The doctor asked and looked up at him. _

_The guy didn't seem all that evil. Maybe he didn't have to run; he just needed to draw the symbol, right? Then they'd go away, just like they always did. He wondered where he learned the drawing._

"_Can I have some paper, and a pen?" Allen whispered as the voices started to materialize. He caught a flash of the dark shadows._

"_Art therapy only starts a month after treatment, if you're a good boy," The doctor said and patted his head for good measure. _

_Not good. He considered running again; this man seemed particularly aloof, and probably wouldn't be able to stop him. However, if he wasn't worried then he knew someone would catch Allen before he could take a step out the front door. It was how all big gamblers acted; he just had to find a way to cheat them out of their own game. _

_He wasn't sure where this doctor's medical room led to in the main building and was just going to end up lost. _

"_Please," Allen said as politely as possible. The people he saw so often started to grow back like weeds in the cracks of the sidewalk._

"_They're coming back, please," Allen repeated and started involuntarily shaking as they got louder._

"_Who, might I ask, is coming back? What is it that you see?" The man's glasses flashed in the light got up from his desk. He leaned in to get a better look at Allen, who was trying to melt into the chair._

_Words stuck to the inside of his mouth like chewing gum and he couldn't seem to form a coherent sentence. He shook his head as the same stitch work girl came closer. He was hyperventilating and starting to shake the chair, shifting as far away as possible from the girl. _

_He only met the face of another rotting corpse on the other side, gripping his skin and sinking it's decrepit nails in his arm. He cried out in pain at the acidic touch and came up with a personal ultimatum for survival. He had to draw the symbol, no matter what._

"_Oh dear, I ought to call a nurse," the doctor murmured as he watched Allen's display of fear._

_Allen started carving into his right hand, with sharp, blackened fingernails. Blood was dripping out almost immediately as he tried to draw the two circles he'd seen in the snow. He stopped suddenly; where did he learn this?_

"_Keep going," the doctor said in interest, but Allen was blocking out everything but the symbol ingrained in his head. He could feel his mouth moving and but couldn't hear a thing, and dug his nail in deeper to make the different symbols that laced the two circles. His skin was burning from their touch; his ears were churning up their voices into a painful sludge that sent him gagging._

_Allen stopped drawing; it wasn't working this time. The doctor roughly grabbed his hand and admired his handiwork; there were a couple of scars just like it beneath._

"_Why do you do this, exactly?" He questioned as he wiped off the dripping blood to get a better look. _

"_It makes them go away," Allen could hear how crazy he sounded but disregarded it, "but it's not working."_

"_Is it because it's not deep enough? Must be hard to do it over the other scars you've left on that right hand of yours." He gave Allen back his hand and walked over to the other side of the room to get something._

"_I just need something to write with," Allen pleaded as he looked at the failed symbol. The ghosts were crowding around the chair, screaming and gasping out in pain. He felt like he was in a fishbowl, with everyone tapping on the glass with no concern about the cracks they left._

"_Here," the man said as he walked back, "use this."_

_He knew he looked crazy, the way he grabbed for it. And he sealed the nail in his coffin when he plunged the scalpel knife into his skin like it was nothing. No matter what, he had to make it stop. He had to make them go away._

_There was blood everywhere as he dragged the knife through his hand. It was starting to work as he re-paved the pattern back into his skin, using his nail scrapes as an outline. The souls cried out and muffled into the distance. When he finally snapped out of his trance, he had to tug a little to get the blade out and tried not to look at the torn up skin or sheer amount of blood. The knife slipped from his fingers and he realized exactly what he'd done. _

"_Allen, you just shoved a knife clean through your hand," the doctor said as he pulled his bleeding hand closer to his face and saw the wound the blade made on the inside of his palm compared to the back of his hand. "Did you do this to your face, too?"_

_He was horrified, he was shaking, and he was utterly and terribly helpless as the man started talking on the phone to get a nurse to come assist him. _

"_I wouldn't, no, I never," Allen started sobbing as the blood stained everything in sight. There wasn't a point in fighting as a woman came in and took no care in shoving the needle into his arm._

"_Do you think you could give me a name? Even if it's just one you like, or one you made up," the man said as he dialed another number on his phone._

"_Allen," he murmured weakly as he fell in the chair in tattered pieces, "Allen Walker."_

_He didn't want to wake up._

"Yuu, I think you broke him," Lavi said nervously.

"It wasn't my fault!"

Allen slowly registered the voices in the room, but didn't dare to open his eyes. He was freezing, but his shirt was stuck to his skin from sweat. _Cold chills?_

"Ah," he said involuntarily, and felt his head tip back.

"Allen, are you awake?" Lavi said, but then realized what was going on and pulled Kanda back.

"-Cho!" Allen sneezed and nearly fell out of bed.

"That's a wicked case of bedhead you've got, man," Lavi said as Allen pulled the oppressive blankets off and sat up.

He could pretend like that dream wasn't real; that it didn't happen. But the scar he had on his right hand was proof alone that it happened.

"I've been told that," Allen said in a much stuffier voice than he expected.

_They were the ones tearing up the sheets and clawing the walls! I'm not even tall enough to reach that high! You have to believe me! _

_The disoriented mornings he woke up to after passing out were the worst; his hair was a mess from falling from grace and back into hell once again as the clock ticked by. His eyes were quarries of quartz dug out from restless, black mine shafts. His skin was translucent, a ghostly pale that was stretched too thin across his bleached bones. _

_The nurses paid no mind to his antics and locked him up in the dim, "time out" room. The grown ups called it solitary confinement. They kept him in the darkness until he admitted that he was the one who drew on the walls; that he was the one tearing up his sheets, that he was the one scraping his nails into the hardwood. But he only lied to try to escape that dark, horrible room he spent so much time in. Sometimes days, sometimes weeks. _

_The nurses hated him._

_I'm not crazy,_ he always reminded himself. Not crazy.

But he took the pills anyway, and Cross didn't protest when he saw the bottles long after they'd met. He took them every godforsaken night and he knew they were just tranquilizers. He wasn't crazy, but everyone else was convinced he was. He convinced himself a long time ago.

"Are you sick?!" Lavi pulled him back into reality.

_Stop it, Allen,_ he reminded himself,_ don't go back. Don't remember. Don't remember. Don't forget to not remember, remember? _

"I'm not si-" A sneeze cut his protest off.

"This is just great," Kanda muttered and walked back down the stairs.

"Hey, it's your fault for locking me outside!" Allen yelled back, but Kanda pretended not to hear him.

Lavi shook his head and put a hand up to Allen's forehead. "That's a fever, alright. Lenalee could straighten her hair with your face."

"I'm not sick! I'm sure it's just a hangover," Allen said with nervous laughter. He climbed out of bed and the room was suddenly freezing, sending him shivering again. He looked at the clock next to his bed, and then glared at Lavi.

"What?" He said sheepishly.

"Seven in the morning," he said flatly.

"Everyone knows you shouldn't waste an hour of Christmas," Lavi recited, and Allen gave him a whack over the head before heading over to the bathroom.

* * *

><p>Showers always made him feel better, no matter what the situation was. But for some reason, he couldn't seem to wash his misery down the drain and stepped out of the bathroom even more melancholy than before.<p>

Looking at his ungloved hands always disgusted him; he'd learned the meaning of the word disgusting back when he was locked up. Disgusting wasn't just a feeling inside of him; it was the looks of passersby, it the times he was tied to the bed and leaned over to puke into a bucket they usually left out, it was when he spat back in the nurses' faces, it was a word painted into his skin with red ink. It was the lip-gloss the doctor wore every time he grinned. It was the face that looked back at him in the mirror every day.

He grabbed a soft blanket from the closet and wrapped it around himself, heading back over to his bed. Everyone was downstairs, or from what he could tell from all the noise, and he glanced over at his phone. Calendar Event: Birthday.

Birthday.

The word started seeping in through his skull and he felt the phone carelessly slip through his fingers and to the floor. Not bothering to pick it up or check for its welfare, he climbed down the stairs while clutching the blanket. Memories of his first birthdays in the hospital were coming back, but he forced them down with the sour taste in his mouth. Man, he was dizzy.

When he came down the stairs, Lenalee was lounging on the couch, still in her pajamas and half-asleep.

"Why do we wake up this early, again?" Lenalee said while yawning. Kanda was sitting in an armchair, looking half asleep but still alert. How he managed that, Allen wasn't sure, but he could sense that Kanda wasn't happy with being awake either.

"Don't you American's do presents? 'Cause I got each of you something downtown the other day, and," Lavi's noise of excitement cut him off and Allen took it as a yes.

"Americans?" Lenalee repeated, and Kanda smirked at Allen.

"Presents! Presents, presents, presents," Allen laughed a little as he was pushed back up the stairs to the sound of Lavi's chant. When he came back down the stairs for the second time, Lavi immediately bombarded him and took the three bags.

"We used to do a secret Santa thing," Lenalee said as she opened her gift, "but it only ended up with someone buying Lavi alcohol, someone giving me a horribly off-color gift, and Kanda seeing how far he could throw whatever was handed to him."

"It ended up being a distance contest with Kanda," Lavi said cheerfully.

"I only made it across the room, but Lavi got out the window, once. Just because he bought him a-"

"Shut up," Kanda said and eyed the gift box presented to him by Lavi.

"Oh my god," Lavi said in disbelief as he opened the gift.

"A PIRATE EYEPATCH? This is the best thing ever!" It really wasn't hard to get a present for Lavi; he could have fun with a piece of string.

"What have you done?" Kanda muttered as Lavi skipped off to the bathroom to put it on.

"There's a skull and crossbones bandana in here, too! Allen, you're the sickest Santa I've ever head!"

He almost fought up the courage to ask why he wore an eye patch, but backed out at the last second. "Thanks, I guess," Allen yelled down the hall.

Lenalee opened her gift and her eyes lit up. Allen had to get help from one of the girls he met on the first day of school, and they directed him off to the perfume department.

It was a trap, of course; they led him deep within the catacombs of the sickly-sweet smelling store and left him for dead. After an hour or two of being lost, he finally decided on a soft rosy smell that was reminiscent of fresh fruit and honeysuckles. The lady gave him a discount if he bought some lotion and bubble bath and wrapped it up in a sweet bag for him.

Suddenly her expression turned suspicious, and she asked, "Guys aren't supposed to give good presents. Who helped you?"

"Well, I asked Lou Fa for advice, and she told me that girls usually like perfume and lotion and stuff like that, but she ditched me in the middle of a perfume store. Anyway, I just went with that and picked out a smell that reminded me of you," Allen said while recalling the terrifying experience.

She sprayed the perfume and the scent burst into the room, sweet and soft without overpowering and making everyone sick.

"Cherry blossoms," she murmured quietly and then smiled at Allen. "Thank you."

Suddenly Lavi came skidding out of the bathroom and tackled Allen. "You're the best! Now all I need is a pirate hat!"

Everyone decided the eye patch did look cute, with a little skull and crossbones pattern on it. Allen reminded Lavi that he might be sick, and he jumped off him.

"Right, so has Kanda thrown his gift across the room yet? Who has a ruler; let's see if Allen beats Lenalee's record!"

Everyone had totally forgotten about Kanda, who was silently sitting in the chair. He'd already opened his gift and was staring at the small box, lost in thought.

"Ah, I had no idea what to get you that you wouldn't hate. But I noticed your watch broke when Road," he stopped and corrected himself, "the other day. It's practical, which is the only reason I think you'd accept it, but you don't have to wear-"

"Thanks," he murmured as he stared at it. Allen spent a lot of time looking for a gift; even longer when he decided on getting a watch for him. It wasn't like an ordinary faced watch; the glass was translucent and you could see all the intricate gears beneath, all in black and white. The hands that spun around on top of the gears were gold, although the watch itself was black.

"You're welcome," Allen said slowly, a little taken aback.

"Boo, Allen, you lose the distance game. You didn't even make it one foot," Lavi said and went over to look at the watch. "That's super neat!"

"Well, since you've already made this about the best Christmas ever, I'm going to go make pancakes for you!" Lenalee said excitedly and skipped off to the kitchen.

"Lenalee, don't forget about Captain Lavi!" He whined and chased after her.

"Oh, fine, fine. I'm making you some, too, Kanda. With the strawberries you usually like?" She called out from the kitchen, but Kanda didn't reply and she took that as a yes.

"Strawberries," Allen said as he sat down on the couch.

"Birthday," Kanda said, trumping Allen's dig at him. He winced, unable to hide his obvious discomfort. _Don't think about it. You're here to have fun with Lavi and Lenalee and Kanda, right?_

"Allen?" Kanda was hovering over him and slightly lifted Allen's jaw to lift his gaze up to Kanda's eye level_. When did he get there? Did I just pass out?_

"You two had better not be killing each other! Get over here already!" Allen shook himself free and got up from the couch.

"It smells great in here," Allen said brightly as he sat down in a chair by the table. He had to stay up and distracted; he couldn't afford a landslide dip down memory lane.

"If I hear any women in the kitchen jokes, not only will you lose your pancakes," Allen got up and helped the menacing Lenalee set the table, "you will be sleeping outside in the metaphorical and literal dog house." The three boys shrunk under her voice and nodded.

Allen glanced out the window; the snow was ten times thicker than the night before, and there was still more billowing and twirling in the wind. If he didn't know any better, he'd say a blizzard was setting in.

"Here you are, Allen," Lenalee said and set a stack of pancakes in front of him, "you'd better eat them all, too! I'm sure with that appetite of yours it'll be no problem, though."

He nodded and started eating as she handed out some to Lavi and Kanda. There was no taste to any of the food; he wasn't sure if it was because of the fact that he might be sick or if his apathy had seeped into his taste buds. He complimented her cooking anyway, which she cheered in happiness to. Just as she was about to take a bite, Kanda spat back out his food and glared at Lenalee.

"What?" Lavi asked before he put his fork in his mouth.

"Is that salt on the counter, rather than sugar?"

A moment of silence fell over the group, and Lavi dropped his fork when he took a bite and his face soured.

"The pancakes betrayed me," he said miserably after a hard swallow.

"But wait, Allen ate them!" Lavi said and inspected the suspicious pancakes. They were warm and fluffy, but he knew the trickery they contained and fought against the urge to take another bite.

"Hey, Kanda, how much you wanna bet me to eat all of these," Lavi said while nudging him. Kanda pushed his plate away with two fingers and Lenalee looked like she was on the verge of tears as she moped over her failed pancakes.

"Wait a second," Allen said as he finally remembered something, "you lost the bet!"

"Allen!" Kanda yelled, sounding extremely out-of-character upset.

"Allen, no!" Lenalee cried out in despair.

Lavi grinned and replied, "We did almost forget, didn't we? Thanks for reminding me."

Lenalee gave a noise of disgust and hid her face in her hands as he took off his jacket. "Are you going to undress in front of everyone? Lavi, thats-"

"This bet has turned into a horrible, horrible thing Allen. Letting Lavi win means we have to put up with his shameless act, but Kanda won't lose because he doesn't want to do it, and I'm stuck in the middle being traumatized!" Lenalee said and Allen regretted his words.

"God, why don't you two stop this," Allen said as he looked away.

"Whoever calls off the bet has to," Kanda couldn't seem to be able to finish his sentence and gagged a little.

"Anyway! Get this over with you three!" Lenalee yelled and acted as if she was going to crawl into the stove. She shoved them all out the door and went to clean up the kitchen in a depressed huff.

"Why did this even become a thing between you two," Allen muttered as the three stepped out into the freezing outdoors.

"A right of rite friendship, right, Kanda?" Lavi said while bumping his shoulder.

"Get away from me," Kanda said sharply and pushed him away. Allen didn't blame him; he was just in his boxers.

"No," Allen yelled a little too high-pitched, "leave those on. Please."

"Whatever," Lavi chirped and stretched as if he were about to start a track meet, "To the car and back, right?"

Kanda nodded, and Lavi took off while cheering and crying out as the fresh snow came up halfway up to his knees.

"Nothing fazes him," Allen murmured as he watched him play around in the snow like a five-year-old.

"He's always been like that," Kanda replied while rolling his eyes at the sight.

"How long have you known each other, exactly?" Allen asked, although he knew he probably wasn't going to get an answer.

There was a long pause, and Allen assumed that Kanda's silence meant his usual annoyance. Lavi slowly disappeared into swirling snow, and so did his voice.

"We knew each other as kids, back when I lived with my parents," Kanda finally said. Curiosity flared up in Allen's throat; parents? Were they still alive? And why'd he live near Lavi?

"They're still alive," Kanda added, speaking as if his tongue was stuck to his teeth. His jaw was locked in a tight apprehension, and he seemed lost in thought.

Allen was truly terrible with these things; he'd never gotten used to human interaction. Holding up a conversation was even an impressive feat for him, but touchy subjects weren't his forte. Spending your childhood locked away didn't do much for social development.

Finally forming up a respectable response, he opened his mouth to speak. Kanda cut him off before he could reply and said, "Lavi has been gone too long."

"Do you think something happened?"

Kanda didn't respond, but he looked around warily and then ducked in a split second response. Allen didn't respond as quickly as Kanda did, and a resounding thud filled the cloudy air. Too stunned to even comprehend what was going on, Allen got a face full of snow. Like a windshield wiper, he brushed it all off and glared when he saw Lavi peeking out from the side of the house.

"That was so uncalled for, Lavi! Get bent, you arse-"

"'Uncalled for'? 'Get bent'? You're speakin' the Queen's English!" Lavi dodged a snowball headed straight for his face with a loud squeak.

Allen bent down and scooped up a ball of snow. He glared at the emptiness where Lavi had been a second ago, and brushed past Kanda to scan the battlefield.

"Aha!" Allen twisted on his heel, finding Lavi hiding on the opposite side of the porch. There was a satisfying "Oof", and Allen smirked.

"What the hell is taking you three so long?!" Lenalee came storming out the front door, only to stumble backward at the impact of a snowball.

"You didn't just," Allen stared in shock, as Lavi stood with his mouth ajar. Lavi looked at his hand, and back at Lenalee's snow covered face. Kanda looked like he was debating driving all the way home to avoid Lenalee's wrath.

"I was aiming for Kanda! I swear!"

"Hey, fuck you," Kanda said and prepared a snowball, but Lenalee held him back.

"It's okay Kanda. I'll take care of this."

"I'd start running," she said menacingly. Her boots clicked on the porch as she approached him with a glare that melted the snow in her path.

"Nice knowing you!" Allen said cheerfully to Lavi as Lenalee sprinted after his terrified figure._ Still hasn't put his clothes back on,_ Allen thought with a sigh.

An unexpected force smacked him in the back of the head and Allen looked back at Kanda in bewilderment.

"You've started a war," Allen quickly grabbed some snow and patted it together, "that you will definitely lose."

"Try me," Kanda's haughty remark was cut off by a face full of snow.

He suddenly grew serious as Allen hid behind a chair to avoid his anger-fueled snowball. He went on the offensive and scuffed Kanda's shoulder.

"You're dead, beansprout!"

* * *

><p>"You two," Lenalee said sternly as she took them by the collar.<p>

"Are going to sit down," she forced them down on the couch, "and not fight. And not say anything bad about Christmas movies. Just don't talk to each other." She turned her back on them and sat on the floor next to Lavi, who was flipping channels aimlessly. Lenalee finally forgave Lavi after a good half hour, more because of his impending frostbite rather than his pitiful pleas.

Allen and Kanda were both covered in snow and soaked clothing, neither saying a word as Lenalee chastised them both. Allen glared at Kanda, who tried to match his anger but looked away after a few seconds. "No glaring!" Lenalee said without looking behind her.

Lavi stopped on a channel and cheered, "Tokyo Drift!"

"That's not in the spirit of Christmas, exactly," Lenalee said in dismay.

"If you look closely, you can see Allen driving," Lavi said while grinning and bumped Lenalee's shoulder. She laughed and let him leave it on the channel.

Allen considered getting up to go change out of his freezing clothes but instead hid in the towel Lenalee handed to him. He clutched it tightly and sneezed as the cold got the better of him.

"Stop shivering so much. And stop being so sick," Kanda muttered as he wrung out his hair.

Allen rolled his eyes and decided that he was dry enough to not track snow anywhere as he headed up the stairs. He locked himself in the bathroom and peeled off the soaking wet clothing, leaving it hanging over the shower for the moment. As he changed into the warm sweater and sweatpants Lavi lent him, he instantly felt better.

He pushed back his damp hair and looked at the scar on his forehead while pursing his lips. It had definitely gotten darker; the pentacle was filled in, rather than the thin outline it had once been. It was starting to get worse than the first time he noticed, but he really had no solution to stop the rapid scarring.

His gloves were wet from throwing snow around with reckless abandon but he slipped them back on anyway. When he came back downstairs the couch was empty and Lenalee and Lavi were bickering over whether a stunt was possible or not.

Allen sat down and Kanda soon followed, swaggering back over with a large mug.

"What's in that?" He pointed at the suspicious mug and Kanda just sat down next to him with a sigh.

He took a long sip before replying, "Medicine for my headache. You three never shut the hell up." He held it over for Allen to smell and he nearly gagged at the straight liquor he had in the cup.

_Why do these guys drink so much?_ It seemed like Kanda was only gone for a few seconds as he got up and sat back down with another up of the awful mixture. He sat down a lot closer to Allen this time, with the side of his hip pressed against the other.

Kanda seemed more laid-back than usual, and his upright and polite composure was relaxed and casual. When he drank this time, he offered the cup to Allen, who just glowered in response.

Allen looked over at the movie, and then at Lenalee and Lavi, who were whispering and laughing beneath a blanket. The movie that they'd originally been playing was now a completely different one, but he wasn't sure if it was a Christmas special or not.

"Kanda," Allen looked away from the pair and back at him, "are those two really just best friends?"

"I don't get involved in that shit," Kanda said bluntly.

The movie, Inception as Lavi labeled it, seemed to drag on and didn't make much sense. Allen felt sleepy, and reached around for his phone to check the time. He must've left it upstairs, and casually asked Kanda for the time. Even if he never picks up, Kanda always has his phone on him.

"Nine thirty or so," Kanda said as he glanced at his watch. Nine thirty? He tried to picture that in military time and then realized how early it was. Allen was in the process of thanking him when he realized he looked at his watch for the time.

"The watch," Allen said brightly as he looked at Kanda's thin wrist, "you're wearing it!"

Kanda seemed a little embarrassed and hid his wrist while making his usual annoyed clicking of his tongue.

"Whatever, whatever, you can play the tsundere type all you want. I'm just glad you like it," Allen replied. The word tundere seemed to strike a nerve and Kanda jabbed him in the stomach with a free elbow. With a loud groan, Allen clutched his stomach and kneeled over in pain.

While Allen tried to replace the air in his lungs, Kanda reached at the base of Allen's neck; apparently his necklace fell out from beneath his sweater when he keeled over.

"Why do you wear this all the time? It's like your damn gloves," Kanda said and he ran his thumb over the pattern.

"Just like my gloves, it really doesn't concern you," he replied sharply.

Lenalee gave a menacing look over her shoulder and they both quieted down. He tried to pay attention, but it was far to late to make any sense of this movie.

"Why is it that you seem to know everything about us," Kanda glanced over at Lavi and Lenalee, "but we know nothing about you?"

"You know about Cross," Allen countered but Kanda shook his head.

"I wasn't talking about that bastard. I was talking about you," Kanda replied. Allen faltered for a comeback at this point; there was a reason he didn't share his secrets.

A handful of years passed by before he was even able to think, much less escape. The light burnt him when he snuck away, the outdoors was far too big, and he was utterly lost and confused. He'd thrown himself into a foreign country and from the place he knew. Even if he hated the institution, it was the only thing he'd ever had as a home.

After a year on his own, he knew London well enough to realize the ways to sea-facing towns and when certain ships ran back and forth between America. Allen remembered his personality back then; he wasn't even half the height of a street lamp but was as sadistic as a killer. He learned to gamble for the money he needed, fight when he needed to, and slip through the streets when he had to disappear. No one could guess his age with the scar and colorless hair. He would've stayed in London; but one thing drew him out of the shadows.

Mana.

"What's with that look?"

Allen snapped out of his trance and tried not to think about the past. London was a tiny blip in his memories; it was the institution that truly destroyed his personality.

"Nothing." Allen was having trouble speaking, as his insides seemed to be collapsing and crashing like unstable skyscrapers. _What's wrong with me today?_

"Let me guess," Kanda said sarcastically, "It's none of my concern, right?"

Did running away count as moving forward? He focused on not remembering; why was this all suddenly coming back to haunt him?

"If there's one thing I don't understand, it's you," Kanda said and let out an exasperated sigh.

There was a loud explosion on the TV and Lenalee and Lavi both gasped beneath the boom of the stereo. Allen jumped, the sudden noise scaring the lights out of him.

"Allen," Kanda muttered after the explosions calmed down.

"What?" He looked down and realized he was gripping Kanda's arm tightly. He let go of the fabric he was almost ripping, but Kanda caught his hand. The way he was staring at Allen was strange; he couldn't put his finger on what was different from for the anger and concern. It was almost as if he substituted apathy for—

Kanda leaned in ever so slightly, still loosely holding Allen's wrist. He blushed a few shades darker when he realized that Kanda definitely wanted to kiss him; if he hadn't been stuck in his head all day, he would've easily realized Kanda dropped hints all day long. He was even treating him like an actual person.

_But why?_

Hesitant and growing redder by each second, Kanda seemed unsure or not if he should actually go through with it. Allen leaned in and as Kanda's hand brushed his face and lips came closer, he tried to figure out what had filled in the giant gap from hatred to this. Whatever this counted as.

Allen gave up on trying to fathom his indiscernible feelings and leaned in to kiss him. It suddenly occurred to him that Kanda was still loosely holding onto his hand.

_That's right,_ he remembered in spite of himself. _Kanda's a jackass with no feelings._

Before Allen could stop him, he felt a slight tug on the fabric on his fingertips to loosen up the glove's grasp on his skin; within the same moment, Kanda pulled it off and snatched Allen's hand before he could pull it back.

Kanda stopped short of kissing him and gripped his wrist to inspect his hand. Allen couldn't seem to form any words that matched his surprise and attempted to yank his arm back with as much force as possible.

Kanda had gotten a hold of his right hand; the one he'd carved up on the first week he was brought in to the institution. The scar was still visible, too much for Allen's taste, and he never took off either of his gloves for a legitimate reason. Kanda raised an eyebrow and looked at his hand and then back at Allen's necklace.

"Asshole," Allen hissed and with a sharp tug, his hand slipped through Kanda's fingers.

"Wait a second!" Allen ducked from his grasp and ran up the stairs.

When he came up to the dark room, he noticed a bright light from under his bed. Clutching his ungloved hand, he looked under the bed and realized his phone was hidden beneath. There was a missed call from thirty minutes ago, the same number as last night. He gingerly picked up the phone and locked himself out on the balcony.

* * *

><p>"Are you quite sure he's alright? And haven't we talked about smoking in the house!?"<p>

"It doesn't really matter what I think, does it? Can't stop him," Tyki muttered while blowing out smoke. Sheryl's worried tone always seemed to strike a nerve with him, no matter who he was fretting over.

"Lulubell told him not to. Hell, I told him not to, Sheryl. If the Earl found out," Tyki clicked his tongue as he heard the sound of someone throwing up on the other side of the door.

"I'm not listening to this any longer," Road growled and kicked open the door with her foot.

"I concur, " Sheryl said sharply and followed her inside the room.

Deciding he wanted a look, too, Tyki sauntered into the room after the pair. The pressure in the room almost shattered his eardrums, and left him with a major headache and a sour taste in his mouth. The disturbance of the air left the occupant stunned a little and he flinched while cursing.

"Wisely! You're making us all sick, asshole! Just give up already!" Road's vulgar words received a slap on the wrist from Sheryl, and the three looked at the sorry sight in silence.

Wisely looked as if he was meditating, arms resting on his knees and legs folded. Beneath him was a large eye that pierced through the dark room. He had incense burning next to him that left a heavy smoke and a bucket that Tyki deemed as a bad idea to look into when he remembered the noises on the other side of the door.

"I'm working. Get out," he muttered in a drab tone. His striped scarf was loose, and Tyki could see his strange eyes on his forehead closed in concentration. That was still creepy, no matter how many times he saw it.

"You're going to end up passing out and hiding in the dark for a week again from the headaches. Come on, Wisely, we'll get the answers from him in person," Tyki mumbled as he looked around the room in disinterest. Everything was dusty, except for the floor Wisely sat on. The kid didn't seem to do much but meditate these days, pissing off his adoptive Noah, Sheryl.

Tyki didn't mind his reclusive state; he was a bit of a spaz when it came right down to it and reminded him somewhat of the redheaded kid Allen usually hung out with. Except, he had a much shorter fuse and a quicker wit; Tyki assumed that came along with reading minds, though.

Wisely cracked open an eye and looked over at Tyki. "Don't compare me to him. And I'm not creepy looking!"

"The point is you've locked yourself in here for the past couple of days, and for what? Don't use your power if it's going to hurt yourself like this!" Sheryl said, and stepped towards him. Road tugged on his sleeve, and didn't let his foot touch the eye beneath Wisely.

"It's not using the power that's hurting him. It's whatever he's seeing," she murmured. Wisely looked over at Road, and broke his concentration a little to talk to them.

"The kid has some skeletons in his closet, that's for sure," Wisely said with a sigh and then eyed Tyki, "you being one of them."

"Me? I'm innocent," Tyki said while holding up his hands.

"That's definitely not what you're thinking," he muttered in distaste.

"I saw an opening, Sheryl, and took it," Wisely said to address whatever was hidden behind Sheryl's pursed lips.

"Someone knocked him unconscious. That's like taking down all the firewalls and not expecting a virus! But now," he winced a little, "I'm too far in to find a way out. Every time I try to pull myself out of his head I get snagged on another memory; his subconscious is like a bunch of tripwires, probably created to protect himself. But pulling through these disgusting things is starting to get to me."

"No, Road," he said while looking at her grinning face, "don't go find him and knock him out. He'll fall asleep eventually, and I can make it out then. I hope."

Just as the words left his mouth, the eye beneath him widened and Wisely grunted in pain. The three looked at each other in helplessness, and Sheryl reached out to comfort him again. Tyki caught his hand and muttered, "You don't want to get caught up in that. If it's this hard for Wisely to stay grounded, you'll get lost forever."

Suddenly Tyki's cell started ringing, and he pulled it out. "Look who it is; almost as if he can tell we're talking about him."

"Stop that stupid ringing now!" Wisely yelled and gagged at the sharp noise. Even sound waves disrupted his concentration and nauseated him to the point of hurling.

"Right, right, sorry," Tyki replied quickly and answered the call.

"_What'd you call for?"_

"Straight to the point, as always, Allen," Tyki said with fake laughter. Wisely looked over at him in anger and mouthed out death threats.

Sheryl took the phone from Tyki and said, "We've run into a bit of trouble, and require assistance from an outside party."

"_Is this the same guy who told me to pick up the phone yesterday or else? Why don't you stick to killing me rather than trying to work with me?" _

"Are you always this uncouth? Someone ought to have taught you better manners towards someone seeking help," Sheril said angrily.

"The kid's had Wisely in his head all day, Sheryl, cut him some slack," Tyki said while running a finger through the dust on the windowsill.

"_Who is this I'm speaking with, exactly? I'm not trying to be rude, it's just I've got a bad headache and it hasn't been the best day. Let's just both do ourselves a favor and delete the number, alright?"_

"I'd like to say we're asking nicely," Sheryl sounded much more serious than he had earlier, "but it's not a request at this point. Don't make me use force."

There was a yawn and Allen sleepily replied, "What are you gonna do, try to kill me again? Like you already have planned?" There was a long pause.

Sheryl handed the phone to Tyki and looked over at Wisely. "I think he needs to be taught a lesson as to why people do not mess with the Noah."

"Sheryl," Road whined, not liking where this was headed. Everyone had been on their last nerves the past couple of days, but for a good reason.

"Get out of his head, would you?"

Wisely looked at him as if he was crazy. "You're kidding me, right? It would take an hour or two to manually leave without setting off any memories, excluding the amount of pain for both sides! I'm not lookin' to go brain-dead!"

"Speak with proper manners! Besides, if you step out of the circle you're sitting in, every connection will snap off immediately and the ties will sever, correct? You won't feel a thing."

"Maybe I won't, but," he looked a little disgusted Sheryl's suggestion, "I thought we needed the kid? If I step out, then all the nerves in his brain that I've tapped into will be set off at once. If he makes it through the physical trauma, the mental will knock him out for at least a couple of days. And with memories like these, that's like unleashing hell itself. I'm not doin' it."

Tyki saw exactly where this was headed, and with an exchanged glade with Road, he pulled the phone up to his ear. "Allen," Tyki said a bit more worried than he should have, "just say you'll do it. We can work out the terms later."

There was no response, and when Tyki listened in closely he could hear Allen bickering with the raven-haired one he'd forgotten the name of.

"Sheryl, I said no!"

Tyki looked back over at Wisely, whose breath was heavy from struggling between keeping his mind here and in Allen's head. Tyki cursed under his breath when he saw the glint of the wire-like strings appearing from Sheryl's fingertips.

"Disobedient boy, you really ought to act more like your sister," Sheryl said sternly as he started moving his fingers in odd positions, almost like a puppeteer.

"This is too far, and you know it," Tyki said threateningly as Wisely started to get up against his will. Tyki eyed Road and nodded his head, in hopes that she might get the cue and distract him. If there was anyone who could control the puppeteer, it was his darling little daughter.

Her eyes were wide and she shook her head to indicate a firm no, too afraid of Sheryl to get in the way. There were moments when even Tyki recognized the insanity in the man; usually, they just stepped out of the way and turned a blind eye.

_Attacking one of our own?_ Tyki knew the Noah's memory was deteriorating after all these years; but this was farther than any of them had gone.

"Road, let's go," Tyki said through pursed lips and led her out of the room. Wisely nodded at him in respect; engaging would only make things worse.

"Why, Tyki," Road sounded concerned as Tyki slammed the door, "Why are we all falling apart?"

"Perhaps we've fallen from God's grace," Tyki murmured as he looked at the phone. He could still lightly hear Kanda and Allen arguing.

"Hang up," Road said suddenly as a silence fell over the line. She knew what was about to happen and didn't want to listen to it.

She frantically reached for the phone. "Hang up, Tyki!"

"I said, hang-"

Allen's ear-splitting scream burst out through the grainy speaker on Tyki's phone. Road held her hands up to her ears to block it out and started tearing up.

"Jesus Christ," Tyki muttered as the glass-shattering screaming continued and he could hear Sheryl laughing in the other room. The phone cut out as he crushed it in his fist, snapping the screen and inside circuits until all the pieces fell to the floor.

Road followed after him as he quietly looked around the house for someone. Eventually his shoes clicked down the stairs and Road uncertainty followed him down; the silence was unnerving.

"I don't like that face, Tyki," Road said as his usual aloof nature was gone.

"I'm the oldest Noah, and I haven't gone crazy. Sheryl's just is having a bad day, right?" She said cheerily but he could hear her hitched breathing.

"The fact that you aren't the one deteriorating is most worrying," Tyki replied. It could be any one of us next.

"Please tell me that face means good news," Devit said as Road and Tyki approached him on the couch. "Is Allen going to help out?"

Devit was a nervous wreck but tried to hide it as he curled up on the couch. Ever since Jasdero disappeared, he'd lost his cocky attitude.

He rolled his eyes when Tyki looked at him dully. While flipping channels, he mumbled, "Who was doin' all the screamin' anyway? Did you finally pull Wisely out of his room or somethin' and the light burned his vampire skin? He's so pale he might not even be a Noah anymore."

"Sheryl's lost it!" Road blurted out, and Devit stopped and looked over at her in disbelief.

"He's doing the same thing Skin did a month ago, except he used his ability on Wisely," Tyki said matter-of-factly.

"Attacking another Noah? Why?" Devit said confusedly.

"Get Lulubell to help calm him, would you? Road and I have somewhere else to be," Tyki said and headed for the door.

"You're seriously going to leave me alone with a rogue Noah? What if he doesn't calm down? What could be more important than my health and safety?!"

"We've got to go check on a more pressing matter, Devit. Unfortunately, Allen's sanity is a little more important than you right now, considering how things stand."

"Wait! What's going on?"

"It's all going to be fine, Devit. We've just got to see if Allen's still alive or not, and then we'll be back," Road said and blew him a kiss.

"Lulubell is going to kill you two for running off!"

"Let's hope she keeps her sanity in check," Tyki murmured as Road and he stepped out into the snowy night.

"You guys, if you find out anything about Jasdero," Devit tried his best to stop the shaking in his voice, "tell me, alright?"

"You've got it," Road said while biting her lip.

* * *

><p><strong>I really want to use all the Noah, but half of them don't even have real names. *Glares in Hoshino's direction*<strong>

**Well, the Noah are falling apart, the Order is in shambles, and Allen might be dead. **

**Till next chapter...?**

**(I might hit 100 reviews this chapter and I'll probably cry a lot because you guys are super amazing. Thank you so much!)**


	14. Kids Are Just Evil

"Allen! Allen, answer me! Oh my god, please, please, Allen!" Lenalee was cupping his face in her hands and forcing him to sit up. She was yelling his name through her sobs and trying to get through to him, but Allen was completely unresponsive. His eyes were blank, empty mirrors that showed no signs of life, and was he crouched over his knees, screaming in pain. She tried to get a hold of his hands before he pulled out his hair from raking them through the white locks; he struggled against her iron grip to no avail.

"Lenalee, step back for a moment, alright? He might be having a stroke or a seizure." Lavi tried his best to sound calm but the blood-curling screams Allen was letting out were downright horrifying. He put a hand on Lenalee's shoulder and she looked at him for a moment before nodding and backing off.

"Allen, buddy, can you answer us? We might be able to help, okay, so, I just need you to," Lavi broke off as his breathing hitched and tears started dripping down his cheek. Allen's eyes were fluttering and he was shaking like an earthquake erupted beneath his bones.

"Make it," Allen's words were weak through heaving breaths, "stop." Lavi looked helplessly at him and pulled his stoic body into an uneasy embrace. Allen still didn't respond to his touch and was completely disconnected to reality at this point.

"What the hell did you do to him?!" Lenalee stomped over to Kanda and reared her hand back. She swung the back of her hand across his cheek with such force that he stumbled backward.

He held his cheek and looked at her wide-eyed; he didn't have an answer. "What did you do?!"

"I didn't do anything!" He yelled back and grabbed her hand before she could hit him again.

"Make it stop! Make it stop! Make it stop!" Kanda and Lenalee winced as Allen started shrieking again. Lavi was shaking him while trying to comfort him, unable to come up with any other solution.

Lenalee sobbed into a stunned Kanda's chest. "Why is this happening? Why," she whispered as her tears stained his shirt.

Kanda couldn't feel anything; there was a wall between him and the reality surrounding him. He felt numb, maybe because he didn't know what was happening, or maybe because he knew what happened before. Allen said he was fine out on the balcony. That's when he should've known something was wrong.

He jumped over the couch to follow Allen when he ran off, leaving a confused Lenalee and Lavi looking over their shoulders at the empty room. After finally getting the balcony door unlocked, he realized now that he watched Allen slowly lose it but didn't register what was going on during that moment. They were arguing, the usual back and forth, but was only now that Kanda realized the poisonous words that was coming out of his own mouth.

Suddenly the screaming stopped, and Lenalee rushed over to sit by Lavi.

"Did he pass out?" Lenalee bent her head down to look at his face. She shrieked and Lavi mouthed out a _holy shit_ as he let go of Allen in shock. Kanda rushed over and looked at his collapsed figure. There was blood dripping out of his shut eyes, and he wouldn't stop shaking and convulsing.

"Go get a towel," Kanda said and picked his limp body up so that he could rest Allen's head on his lap. Lenalee was visibly mad that Kanda was near Allen, but decided to put aside her anger for a better time.

"Now is a funny time to suddenly care about him," She muttered. He silently agreed, but didn't say anything in response.

"He's fucking freezing, get a blanket, too," Kanda yelled as Lavi went running off down the stairs.

Allen was finally starting to look more peaceful, save for the blood staining his face. His pale complexion mirrored the weather outside, and Kanda ran his hand through his hair as Lenalee rubbed his back. He felt instinctively protective over his frail figure, but wasn't sure why. Nothing made sense when it came to him.

"What's happening to him?" Lenalee asked miserably through her cracked voice. "You were with him right before this happened, right?"

"_Why the hell did you follow me," Allen mumbled as he saw Kanda appear on the balcony. Sitting on the railing, he had a blanket loosely hanging off his shoulders and a phone pressed against his cheek. He hadn't bothered to put the glove back on, and didn't seem to care anymore._

_Kanda opened his mouth to speak, but snapped it shut before what he really wanted to ask could escape. Allen said something, but Kanda realized he was just talking on the phone. _

"_You're going to fall off the side of the railing if you sit like that," Kanda finally said, and leaned on the balcony next to him._

_Allen glanced over at him and then rolled his eyes, but it looked like a reaction at whoever was talking on the phone.. Assuming that he couldn't make things any worse, Kanda decided that the direct approach was his best option. _

"_Did you do it to yourself, you know, your hand? Why does it look like your necklace?" Shit. Kanda didn't know how to handle things like this; he just sounded rude. He just wanted Allen to trust him enough to tell him, but Allen didn't seem to trust anyone. _

"_When will you learn," Allen's fists tightened up and so did his lips, "to leave me alone?"_

"_You can't keep avoiding the problem. Not an inch of you is ever uncovered; you're so embarrassed in your damn skin that you'd rather wear makeup then let people see your own face! Why can't you trust any of us? Maybe you don't want to trust me, fine. But what about Lavi and Lenalee? For someone who's willing to put his life on the line for all of us, why do you have such an unhealthy fear of the truth?"_

"_Fear of the truth, huh," Allen said quietly and stared off into space. "Maybe I do."_

"_Making vague statements with such a blank face makes you seem crazy sometimes, beansprout. I really don't get what your problem is," Kanda muttered while staring at the moonlight shimmering on the snow. _

"_You think I'm straight up mental, don't you?"_

"_What the hell am I supposed to think?" Kanda's tone was harsh, but he really couldn't help it anymore. Trying to be passive aggressive with someone who created a storm beneath his skin seemed impossible; maybe he was the crazy one._

_Allen's face fell like the soft snowflakes settling on his shoulders, and the phone slipped out of his fingers. It hit the floor of the balcony quietly, suspended on a pile of snow. That's when he noticed it; something was wrong. There was an internal struggle flickering in his eyes. _

_"What's your point, Kanda?" _

_Kanda hadn't ever heard that tone in his voice before; it was emotionless and cold and terrifying. The cheeriness he once had evaporated, but so had the melancholy in his eyes; Allen didn't sound like himself. Maybe he'd gone too far this time. _

_Like a light switch, he hopped off the balcony and his original hurt feelings from Kanda's words hid beneath a thin-lipped smile. The blanket he was once clutching slipped around his thin waist, and the moonlight illuminated half of his scarred face and left the other shadowed in the dark of the night sky. _

"_Does it give you some sort of satisfaction to know that I hate the way I look? Are you even sure you could handle the truth you're so desperate to find out? Do you need me to spell it out for you?" Allen grabbed the front of his jacket and pulled him in close, so close that their noses were touching. He leaned over to his ear and whispered softly, "What is it that actually you want from me?"_

_His smell was intoxicating and his warmth was worse; Kanda just stood there as Allen loosely let go of his jacket and stepped back. If he'd stayed a moment longer, Kanda probably kissed him right then. Allen held out his ungloved hand and he looked at the scar; the moonlight revealed how deep of an indent it made into his scar was nothing like the one smeared on his cheek, however.._

"_Go ahead and say it, Kanda. Give me your best shot at describing how horrible it is; I doubt you'll be able to beat any of the other descriptions I've gotten," Allen said while glaring._

"_It's just a scar. It's not that bad," Kanda muttered while taking his eyes off of it. It scared him to think Allen was hiding things like this beneath his clothing. Allen crossed his arms and laughed in spite of his lie; apparently Kanda's fear was written all over his face. The laugh was hollow, almost as if it followed the curved insides of his ribcage before escaping to mock Kanda._

"_Scars are marks that something was once bad. Something that still is bad. Something you can't wash off or heal; they're a label printed on your skin that says there's something wrong here. And I did do this, Kanda. I'm the one who carved into my skin, and if I told you why, you'd understand why I keep to myself."_

_He reached over and touched Allen's hand; his fingertips were freezing and his skin was stretched a little too thin. Tracing the pattern, a sudden awareness of why Allen always insisted things weren't that bad came to him. Maybe they weren't really that bad compared to what has happened before._

_"Damn it, you're freezing," Kanda muttered and reached into his jacket pocket. He pulled off the glove he'd taken off earlier and slipped it back on to Allen's hand quietly. When he looked back up, Allen had the face of someone who'd just been punched in the gut. _

"_What's wrong?" Allen's eyes widened and he fell weak at the knees; Kanda barely caught him before he toppled over into the snow piled up on the sides of the porch._

"_Fine- I'm fine," He said through heavy breathing, but Kanda didn't think he could stand back up._

_And then he started screaming._

"Snap out of it!" Kanda looked up at Lenalee, who was extremely worried.

"What? What's wrong?" He felt a strange feeling in the air; something wasn't right. There was a crash downstairs, but before Kanda could get worried, Lavi came charging back up with supplies.

"Does it feel weird around here to you guys?" Lavi said suspiciously as he started delicately wiping off Allen's face with a damp towel. Chills were running up and down his spine, but there was nothing inherently wrong. The house was empty, except for the three, and had a toasty and inviting atmosphere.

"Wait," Lenalee froze and looked around, "do you hear that?"

Lavi and Kanda looked around the room, but didn't hear anything out of the ordinary. The heater kicked on and scared them all.

"It was just the heater, Lenalee," Lavi said nervously and tried to wrap the blanket on Allen.

"Here," Lenalee took the blanket and did it correctly, leaving him resting on Kanda's thigh and covered up in the warm comforter. There was a voice in the room, soft and subtle; Kanda didn't recognize the voice, and he snapped his head to look behind him.

"I heard it that time, Lenalee," Kanda said warily.

"I'm still not hearing anything, you guys-" Lavi yelped and started brushing off his shoulder furiously as if there were bugs all over the side of his sweater.

"This is so not cool!" Lavi stood up and swirled around, looking for anything and everything for an explanation.

Kanda felt a tug on the end of his hair and shuddered while looking behind him. There was a dark shadow, looking back at him with a wide, black grin and bright eyes. Apparently Lenalee saw it too, because she pointed behind Kanda and screamed.

"Hold Allen while I get Mugen," Kanda yelled and touched Allen to move him. Suddenly his vision was inverted; blacks where whites should be, warm colors switching with cool colors. There were people everywhere; no, he wouldn't even call them people. He jerked his hands off of Allen and for the split second he was looking at him, he saw the dark aura attached to his eye.

"Shit!" Kanda jumped up to get his sword, and it was obvious they weren't alone in the room anymore. Allen fell to the floor with a dull thud, but Kanda ran over to his bed to grab the glinting metal behind the nightstand.

"Don't just drop Allen!" Lenalee yelled indignantly, and tried to pick him up. Before Kanda could warn her, she screamed and dropped him, too.

Kanda was starting to see the figures, even when he wasn't touching Allen, and jumped in front of Lenalee with his sword unsheathed.

"What's up with you guys?" Lavi came in close and looked at them both like they were crazy. Of course, when he tried to prop Allen up too from the embrace of the hardwood floor, he got the bigger picture.

"Back off," Kanda hissed as the figures materialized and started crowding in on the four. They were loud, groaning and moaning and crying out in pain. He winced as he could start making out their decaying features; their skin hung as if it was safety-pinned at the joints and many of their bones were slipping out from the rotting shells.

A little girl came up to Kanda, with a smile that sickened the very pit of his stomach. She was held together with thin red string; none of her limbs seemed to want to stick together. Her face was painted like a porcelain doll, with a bloodied and torn lace dress donning her small figure. Blush accented her translucent skin and black streaks ran down from her eyes.

"All," she stopped as she fumbled over the next syllable, "len? Where is he?"

She tugged at his pants, as he stood there shocked and stunned. She just said Allen's name.

"Kanda!" He turned around and saw a ghost, so deteriorated that it barely even resembled a human, going after Lenalee; this one with a much more devious intent than the little girl. He swung his sword directly at its head, but the blade cut through it as if it were smoke.

"Are they illusions?" Kanda swung into the people crowding the room; their figures slightly disturbed but returned to the same shadowy frames. He stepped in front of Lenalee and the ghost's touch burnt his arm from where he blocked the attack; they were causing real enough pain to not be make-believe.

"I don't know man, but whatever the hell it is, I'm not buying it," Lavi yelled as he ducked beneath a punch.

"If we can't fight, what are we supposed to do?" Lenalee tried to protect Allen, who was completely defenseless in his unconscious state.

Downstairs, there was a loud crash that almost sounded as if the blizzard kicked the door in with an icy foot.

"We can't handle any more visitors, come again later!" Lavi yelled frantically down the stairs.

There was the slamming of feet up the stairs and Kanda cursed.

"Let me through, half-wits!"

"Who the hell-" A boy in a striped scarf skidded beneath the impending ghosts and next to Allen. He somehow managed to slide beneath all of them without getting a scratch on him, but was stopped by an angry Lenalee.

"Great job, you guys!" He yelled angrily and looked at Allen in concern.

"A Noah?" Lenalee was supremely confused and trying to block him from reaching Allen.

Lavi and Kanda looked behind them at her words in shock, but the skin color was unmistakable. Kanda hadn't met this one, but he apparently knew Allen.

"Lemme through, 'ya Vocaloid," Wisely said roughly and pushed past her.

"H-Hey!" Lenalee's embarrassed protests were ignored as the Noah ran his hand down Allen's shirt. Everyone looked around at each other in embarrassment for Allen and were at a loss for words. He felt around until they all heard a loud snap of a metal chain.

The Noah stood up and held the pendant above him, releasing a bright light and enveloping the entire room. When the light disappeared, the room was empty and silent once again. The hordes of ghosts silently faded, without another sound or movement to approach them. The Noah blew out a puff of air and the remnants scattered like dust. The humming of the heater kicked on, and they all stared at the boy while heaving out terrified breaths.

Lavi sighed in relief, but Kanda raised his sword at the kid bent over Allen. He paid no mind to Kanda's threatening blade and rested his ear on his chest.

"I gotta hand it to you," Lavi said while scratching at the back of his head, "that was a hell of an entrance."

"Who are you?" Lenalee asked, and took the pendant he dropped on the floor. She inspected it in curiosity, soon realizing that it was Allen's necklace.

The boy waited a moment, still listening for a heartbeat with his head pressed on Allen's chest, before looking up and around at the three. He tightened his scarf and sat criss-crossed on the floor next to Allen.

"Wisely," he said casually.

"I'm guessing Road and Tyki aren't here, then," he muttered as he glanced around the room.

"Want to tell us what the fuck is going on? Why are other Noah coming?" Wisely narrowed his eyes and pushed Kanda's blade away from his face with two fingers.

"If I just saved all your asses, I really don't think there's any need for you to be pointin' that dumb sword of yours at me," he yelled. Kanda scoffed, but lowered his blade and looked away. Wisely cocked his head to the side in curiosity and murmured, "I'd feel guilty, too."

Suddenly there was a loud boom downstairs and Wisely looked annoyed almost immediately.

"Well if this isn't it, then I give up!" Wisely rolled his eyes at the angered tone echoing from beneath them.

"Road, try to be a bit more decent."

"We need to get out of here, now," Kanda said sternly and Lavi nodded.

"Hold on, you idiots, the last thing we need to do is to move him," Wisely said as the pair jumped at him.

"Wisely!" Road ran over to the Noah and wrapped her arms around his neck lovingly. He smiled a bit but then shook her off and looked over at Tyki, who was unamused and matching the glare that Kanda was sending his way.

Lavi asked, "How the hell did you guys find this place?"

"Ugh, it was such a big deal. We started at the school dorms, and got totally lost. But then, Wisely's scent suddenly picked up, and I opened up a door that led all the way out here. What's wrong with you guys, seriously? This is so out of the way," Road said while rolling her eyes.

"Is he dead, or not, Wisely," Tyki said surly, and took a step towards him. Kanda raised his sword in Tyki's direction and he stopped, knowing that Kanda's temper was clouding his rational thoughts at this point.

"He's got a heartbeat, and he's breathin'. That doesn't mean shit though. I'm getting a headache from even being near him; his thoughts are moving a mile a minute."

The three Noah continued on their conversation and Lenalee, Kanda, and Lavi looked at each other in disbelief. They were totally being left out; worse, the Noah knew more about Allen's condition even before they got here.

"I give up on trying to understand what's going on," Lavi said as he looked at the three hovering over Allen and back at the other two.

"How did they know about Allen? And why'd that guy save us?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Kanda glared in their direction. "It's their fault that Allen's like this; they knew because they're involved."

Kanda stood up and sauntered over to where the three were whispering quietly; they abruptly stopped and stared up at him.

"What the hell did you do to him?"

"Wasn't our fault, you pissy idiot," Road barked back. Tyki was crouched by Allen and lightly placed his hand on his forehead, only to pull it back while shaking out his burning hand.

"Take your hands off him," Kanda said and held his sword at Tyki's nose.

"You're one to talk, aren't 'cha?" Wisely cracked a smile in Kanda's direction.

"The guy reads minds, so I'd be a bit more careful with your thoughts," Road said while grinning at Wisely's implications and Kanda's anger.

"We don't have time for childish antics, mister samurai. If we have any chance of bringing Allen back with his personality intact and not," Wisely stopped and winced at some unknown thought, "I mean, if you want to Allen to wake up and still be Allen, you're going to have to calm down and let me handle this."

"Give me one reason to trust you," Kanda said, still holding his sword at Tyki.

"I just saved all your lives, didn't I?"

"Kanda, we don't have any other option, do we? This is something way out of our control, and if they've got a solution, I say we go for it," Lavi said and put a hand on the hilt of his blade.

"I agree with Lavi," Lenalee said, but still glowered at the three leaning over Allen's unconscious body.

"Besides, I'd rather put my trust in them and not you right now," she added darkly and walked over to the three.

"Do I sense some internal troubles within the three musketeers?" Lenalee looked at Road, and then back at Kanda.

"Forget it. We need to help Allen now," she said and started lightly running her hand through his hair.

Road laughed at her tone and then said, "I'm still a little surprised you're alive. You Order folk have the tenacity of cockroaches, I'll give you that."

"Alrighty!" Wisely stood up and took a nice long stretch. He tightened his scarf and stomped his sandal down on the wooden floor. A giant eye opened beneath his foot, with a dark presence that sent chills through the room. The lights flickered, and the excess fabric from his scarf floated up from the release of power. The eye was dark, with an even darker pupil that seemed to stare straight through his mind. He looked away in disgust, and Wisely gave a haughty scoff.

"I'm going in and gonna have a look around," Wisely stated as he sat down on the eye. It began glowing beneath him.

"Go in where?" Lavi questioned and took a better look at the eye beneath him in curiosity.

Tyki looked concerned and asked, "Wait, all by yourself? I'm not sure that's the best way to handle this."

"Don't follow me, unless you think you can handle dragging yourself through hell itself. If Allen starts freaking out because a bunch of strangers can't keep their shit together in his head then you could do some serious nerve damage. So," he closed his eyes and grinned, "catch 'ya losers on the flip side!"

There was a bright flash, and Wisely disappeared entirely.

"He's serious if he's taking his physical body in with him," Tyki murmured and then looked over at the terrified three.

"Is no one going to tell us what's going on?" Lenalee cried out.

"We're going in to Allen's subconscious and trying to see if we can drag him out of there. Sheryl," Road looked sullen, "another Noah, manipulated Wisely and basically snapped Allen's head in half. Apparently Wisely was looking around in Allen's head and couldn't find his way out quick enough, so every nerve he had in his head just," she closed her fists in front of her face and opened them back up to imitate an explosion, "Boom."

Tyki didn't stay for the rest of the conversation and stepped into the circle; another bright flash went off and his body disappeared, too.

"You three just stay here; we'll handle this," Road said and sauntered over to the circle with her parasol hanging loosely over her shoulder.

"Like hell we're letting three Noah try to help him," Kanda yelled and jumped into the circle without a second thought.

Road gave a hiss of annoyance and looked over her shoulder over the other two.

"Don't be rash idiots like him; somebody is definitely going to have to stay behind just in case something goes wrong. Cheers," Road gave a wave and stepped in, slipping into the abyss.

"I'm not," Lenalee was fighting back tears, "I'm sick of being useless! I'm going!"

"Lenalee, you're the best suited to take care of him out here," Lavi replied quietly.

"Please," she grabbed him by the shoulders, "please let me do this." Lavi pulled her into an embrace, and patted the back of her head.

"Okay," he said quietly. "I'll hold down the fort here. But don't do anything rash, alright?"

Lenalee slowly left his arms and stood in front of the circle while staring in. The eye was dimming, letting her know that she only had a few seconds to decide whether or not to jump in.

"Have fun storming the castle," he said and smiled. She nodded her head with determined look on her face and stepped in.

* * *

><p>"Hmmm? Didn't expect to see you here, Miss Lee," Road said in distaste.<p>

"Don't be dead weight, or else I'll kick you out," Wisely said while narrowing his eyes at her.

"Say another word," Kanda stepped closer to Road, "and I'll rip that throat of yours out."

"Still a little sore from losing to me? I still can't believe you two are still alive in the first place," Road murmured and then shot an accusatory glare at Tyki. He shrugged and pretended like he had nothing to do with the skeleton key he gave Allen.

"If you stir up trouble, I'll kick you out too, Road. You guys shouldn't have even followed me in."

Kanda looked around; it wasn't at all what he expected. They'd been transported to a city, one Kanda didn't recognize. It was lightly raining, and the cobblestone streets were lined with houses that almost looked as if they were shaped from melting wax. The windows contained dim yellow lights that reflected a warm glow on the street beneath them.

"London," Wisely said to answer their communal thoughts.

Kanda looked up at the sky and saw the twinkling stars against an indigo backdrop. It was so realistic that Kanda had the urge to ask if they really were inside Allen's head. However, the moon was far too big to even be considered real; it took up most of the sky above them and almost looked like it was going to crash into the city. It's craters were highlighted against the muddy yellow; Kanda tore his gaze away from its uncomfortable closeness.

"Where do we even start to look?" Lenalee started peeking around the alleyways between the tall apartments and shops.

"I spent a whole day asking myself that. Come on, come on, I know which way to go," Wisely said while waving his hand to encourage the stragglers to hurry up.

Road and Tyki were having a quiet conversation, completely ignoring everyone else. Kanda couldn't help but to feel nauseous at the idea of them working together; maybe there would be a chance to ditch them altogether.

"Stop!" Wisely yelled and was on his tiptoes as if he were looking over a cliff. There was nothing out of the ordinary; he was just standing in the middle of the street.

"What's wrong?" Road asked and ran over to where he was standing.

"See this," Wisely crouched over and daintily gripped something in front of his shins, "look closely."

They all leaned in and got a closer look; Kanda didn't see anything at first, but when he tilted his head the light hit the ground at the right angle. A thin, hair like wire was strung across the street, suspended only a couple of inches above the stones on the street.

"What is it?" Kanda asked and reached out to touch the thread.

"A memory," Wisely said as he let go of the string and looked up at them.

"You guys need to start treading lightly from now on; setting off memories will start to wear you down. The farther we get in," he carefully stepped over the wire, "the worse the memories would be. I know where most of the bad ones are, but only as far as I got in. If you trip and break the string, you'll be sent straight into a subconscious memory of Allen's. There are lots of different things that set off memories, too, not just the wires. So don't go touching things like a kindergartener."

"Sounds like a bad idea to touch these things, then," Road said and flattened her parasol so that she could hover on it like a broomstick.

"Some triggers are above, and some triggers are below. Just try your best to not be a clumsy idiot," Wisely said and watched them all carefully step over the wire before continuing on.

They all continued down the street and alleyways in silence, following Wisely's lead as he pointed out wires and things to avoid. It felt like it'd already been an hour before they stood in front of a large, towering building.

"This is the," Lenalee stopped as her eyes followed the building up until she nearly broke her neck.

"English Branch of the Order, correct?" Wisely said and crossed his hands behind his head while sauntering up the stairs.

The building was a brilliant white and stuck out from the rest of the gloomy, brick buildings crowding against it. It had glass paneling all the way up, almost like a skyscraper in New York. From the outside, it reminded Kanda of the buildings packed with offices and dismal busybodies.

"Why are we here?" Kanda asked gruffly.

"I'm assuming this is the root of Allen's worst memories, correct? Where we're going to find him, at least," Tyki said quietly as he peered through the glass of the building.

"What happened to your usual cocky attitude?" Kanda asked. He crossed his arms and looked at Tyki's apathetic glance in his direction. Tyki didn't even bother with a response and came up to the door.

"A bit under the weather, perhaps," he murmured as he peered through the glass.

"This is where they're most concentrated, at least. I don't know much else," Wisely said and pulled on the door handle. It gave in after a few tries, and he sauntered his way through the security checkpoint.

"Ladies first," Tyki said and waved for Lenalee and Road to go in. Lenalee had trouble fighting against the pure awkwardness of the situation and carefully followed after the girl perched on her parasol. Road stuck a tongue out at Tyki, and Lenalee hid her face as she shuffled in after Road.

They all jumped over the security counter and played limbo to avoid a wire hanging across the metal detector. Kanda didn't like the eerie silence the building had, or the piercing bright lights that illuminated every dark corner. After making it through the obstacle course, they all divided up into the large space ahead.

The first room they stepped into was reminiscent of a hotel lobby; it had a front desk straight ahead and a large lounging room over to the left. There was an elevator and a stairwell, as well as doors leading farther back into the first floor. It was all a bright white, although all the furniture was either platinum or a dull grey. The lack of color was unnerving; in fact, the entire building was void of heat and color.

He noticed that the glass walls were one-way mirrors; he could see the street outside through the dim glass.

"Someone needs to teach you Order folk how to decorate," Road said as she looked around the empty building.

"Where to, now?" Lenalee was afraid to walk around, in fear that she might accidentally trip over something she shouldn't.

"Up. Don't touch the elevator, I already learned that it's a deathtrap," Wisely said as he scanned the room for anything suspicious. Kanda walked over to the stairwell and tested the handle. The door swung open, even though his hand only lightly grazed the handle.

"Shit, don't open that!" Wisely yelled frantically, but it was too late. There was an audible snap that rang through the deserted building; a memory wire on the other side of the door broke when he opened it.

_Blood. The metallic, salty, sickly smell was all he could taste. Lots of yelling from above._

_I was looking up the stairwell, and grimaced at all the blood cascading down the steps. Going to get in trouble._

_Tried the door handle; wouldn't budge. Damn it. Looked down; hospital gown was now a deep red. Deep, dark, rich maroon dripping down the fabric and pooling up in front of the door. Held my stomach to try to put some pressure on the wound. Maybe someone on the other side of the metal entrance would see the blood draining underneath and open the door. _

_I can't hold myself up anymore. There was a loud thud and the stairwell echoed out the noise. The floor is cold; I'm cold. Hazy vision; everything is red. Did I slip in the blood? My hair is soaking wet. Must've slipped and fallen in the blood. Going to get in trouble. _

_Someone's here, I can see their shadow over me. They grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled me back up off the floor. Yelling, but I can't tell what they're saying. Doesn't matter. _

Kanda suddenly snapped back into reality and realized he was on his hands and knees. He looked, horrified, into the stairwell. It was pristine and sparkling clean.

He looked over at everyone else; Wisely was the only one still standing. Even Tyki was crouching; Road had fallen to her knees and had a blank, empty look in her eyes.

"She's still stuck in the memory," Wisely said quietly and sauntered over to Road. He put a hand on her shoulder and whispered something in her ear; she snapped out of her trance and looked around the room, wide-eyed and fearful.

Kanda looked around for Lenalee and realized she was collapsed on the floor, but out of the memory. She was shaking her head and fighting back tears when he came over to comfort her, but she just slapped his hand away.

"I'm fine," she said sternly and stood up despite her shaky legs.

"Okay, let's all play the 'Listen to What Wisely Says Game'! Now, when I say don't touch something without my approval," Wisely looked supremely pissed off, "do not fucking touch it. Are we all on the same page?"

Kanda pursed his lips and nodded, along with the rest of the group.

"I'm taking the lead from now on, got it? Don't you dare split up on me; I'm not going to find you," Wisely said as they regrouped.

He looked in the stairwell and squinted before pointing at the hand railing. "Don't touch it; it'll pick up where the last memory left off. By the way," he turned and saw the sullen group behind him, "that memory was particularly weak; notice how choppy and confusing it was? It's a stale one that's falling apart. In a year, it'll be long forgotten and won't exist. If you can't handle that, then get out now. It's only going to be a couple of floors before we're in uncharted territory and I don't know the triggers."

"I'm going to find Allen, no matter what," Lenalee said firmly. Kanda nodded, and Road agreed to stick around.

"I'm sure I've seen worse. Come on, Wisely, let's get moving," Tyki said.

Wisely shrugged his shoulders and started skipping up the steps. They followed the tall staircase up, winding up and around. They had to dance around wires, and then certain steps altogether. Kanda looked out the windows and realized they'd climbed up so high that they were on par with the moon. Wisely came to an abrupt stop and led them through a safe door. "We have to cross hallways to avoid a real stinger on the next part of the staircase. That's where I lost it last time."

Kanda looked around and realized this floor was a hospital ward. There were rooms that didn't look like hospital rooms, but actual housing units. He looked behind him at the doorplate; this was the Mental Ward. It was an interior hall that had no windows, and definitely looked more rundown than the rest of the building. They continued down the long hall and came across a large gathering room. There wasn't much in there except for some furniture and a TV.

"And if you look to your left," Wisely gave his best attempt at a tour guide's voice, "you will see where Allen's room was."

There was a door slightly cracked open, and the insides were dark. However, the correct lighting showed a spiderweb of different memory wires, all tangled and thick. They quickly passed by, not wanting to get anywhere near that space. The florescent lights above were starting to flicker; one above them burst and Kanda flinched as the sparks fell into the dim hall.

Wisely gave out a miserable sigh and muttered, "You people are so lucky you didn't have to wade through the memories on this floor. This is as far as I got on my second try, and I only set off the first snippet of the memory in here."

"Are they divided up or something? I mean, the memories?"

"Oh," Wisely realized he'd forgotten to tell them something, "Yeah, each wire or trap is just a small part of the memory. Back in the stairwell, the hand railing picks up where the first one we set off stopped, and so on and so forth. Although, some are just stand alone memories. I've never been in somewhere as complicated as this, to say the least."

They jumped, ducked, and weaved their way through all the wires and eventually stopped in front of another door. The door was rusted, and all the tiles beneath their feet were worn and dirty. It was the direct opposite of the other side of the clean hall; even the lighting on this side was giving out. They were well over halfway up the building at this point, and finding Allen shouldn't take all that long, but Kanda feared for the rest of the building. Wisely looked at the handle, and then brought his hand up to his mouth, lost in thought.

"What's wrong?" Kanda asked. He was on edge; this whole floor made him feel nauseous.

"This is definitely gonna set something off," Wisely murmured. Upon closer inspection, Kanda noticed the thin wires tightly wound around the handle; if they turned it, all the wires in the room would snap all at once.

"Should we head back to the other staircase? We have no idea what's going to happen," Lenalee suggested. So far, they'd only tripped over little memories that were painful, but not too horrifying, according to Wisely.

"But that would waste all the time it took to get over here," Road pouted.

The little pieces revealed that Allen spent some time here, but they hadn't come across a reason as to why. Kanda almost considered tripping over some wires just for answers, but Wisely glared at him when the thought crossed his mind and mentally told him that he would get a swift kick of the sandal right up his ass.

Suddenly a light bulb went off in Road's head and she snapped in Tyki's direction. "Pass through the door, would you? Then you can open it from the inside!"

"What if both handles are wired?" Her face soured as Wisely rained on her parade.

"It's better than nothing," Road said while squinting at the handle.

He stepped right through the door as if it was wide open and then disappeared. Muffled but still understandable, Tyki's voice came through the other side of the door. "I'm opening it now."

There was a period of silence, and then the door swung open. Bracing for impact, everyone shut their eyes tightly and waited. It only took a couple of seconds to realize that there was nothing coming, and let out a communal sigh of relief. Wisely cheerfully passed through the doorway, but the second his foot stepped on the other side of the entrance the air distorted.

"It wasn't the door handle, it was the entrance itself. The damn tricky bastard," Wisely said in disbelief as he fell to his knees. Kanda watched as all the wires around the room broke, one setting off the next and so on as the trap went farther back. Snapping in rapid-fire like gunshots, the noise of the wires breaking filled up the hollow fall and Kanda covered his ears.

"Shit," Road held her head in her hands, "Is it gonna be a whole memory and not just the little bits and pieces? We just set off the whole damn floor!"

Kanda's head was spinning and he fell to his knees. Lenalee fell too, and clutched her head in her hands.

"Don't lose yourselves," Wisely said weakly.

_It was snowing, maybe for the third time this winter. Allen looked out the window quietly and watched the street lamps way below flicker on. People were parading through the streets like they always did on holidays; they all looked so carefree and happy._

_There was a knocking on the door, and he looked over his shoulder at the door, then back at the window. The door opened anyway, and Allen pretended not to notice._

"_Eh, Allen? You really gonna stay cooped up in your room even after they 'letcha off the hook for last week?" _

_He didn't turn around; he hated the other kids in this place. It was always a battle between the patients to get anyone else in trouble. Maybe tormenting others was passed off as part of their mental disorders; Allen just assumed they were bored. _

"_It's Christmas, did you know that?" Suddenly the kid was in his ear, looking out the window next to him. He followed Allen's gaze and saw all the people in the street._

"_Buncha filthy bastards. Me and my bunkmate saved up a bunch of thumbtacks and were gonna throw them off the roof on 'em, but that damn bitch found them under my bed. These nurses just love to ruin our fun, huh?" Allen didn't respond; that was usually the best option when he didn't know what to say to their twisted ideas of fun. _

_The boy flicked Allen on the forehead and said, "Those meds really turned you into a space cadet, didn't they? Me and my bunk mate didn't mean to get you in so much trouble, really."_

"_My bunk mate and I," Allen corrected quietly without looking at him. _

"_So you're still a little bent over what happened." The boy rested his face on his hand and sighed while looking at Allen. _

"_Rumor has it that you were born on this lame ass holiday." Allen didn't understand why he kept trying to make conversation._

"_You got me locked up for three days. Piss off already," Allen said in a bored tone. _

"_So he finally speaks! I said I was sorry, didn't I? Come out and join everyone in the rec room. Wasting your free time staring out a window is what geezers do," the boy whined and pulled on Allen's arm. _

_He accidentally saw this kid's file once; the people checked him in with Borderline Personality Disorder. One second he's at your throat; the next he wants you to help him build a tower with building blocks. _

"_I'd rather not," Allen mumbled, but was pulled out of the room by an all too cheery kid. _

"_Look who's back from the SC Ward!" The kid presented Allen and he glared dismally at the other kid's snickering faces. Getting others sent to solitary confinement was a favorite pastime of these nutcases._

"_See any ghosts in there, Allen?" He didn't register the comment and blinked a couple of times to regain his bearings. The bright lights always burnt for a day or two after sitting in the dark for so long._

_The room was painted an obnoxious white and smelled like bleach; the janitors had to clean it all the time. No one was really sure how, but the kids always seemed to find something to dirty up the room. Whether it was a weapon or saved juice, they managed to destroy the white paint time after time. A couple of couches lined the space, and there was a TV perched high up on the wall so none of the kids could mess with it. The room was empty and barren except for a table, the furniture, and a warm rug; it also didn't have a door, but a wide entrance. But it was for a good reason; the kids got nasty when left unattended._

_Of course, on Christmas, most of the attendants left early to be with their families. Most of the workers quit after a couple of weeks, unable to handle the kids here or what went on behind closed doors. No one had a name here; none of them existed on any government file. Allen gave himself his own name, but the rest of them went by nicknames. Someone tried to get "Scarface" to stick, but not enough kids had seen the movie to get the joke. _

_A kid was lying upside down on the couch and glaring at the TV. "This room is so boring now! Who gives a fuck about a reindeer?" _

_They'd lost basketball privileges in the room yesterday, much to Allen's relief; he still had bruises from the damned thing. Coloring privileges were lost a week earlier; one kid swallowed a crayon and another stabbed his bunkmate with a colored pencil. Allen didn't sleep with anyone else, because apparently he was too unstable. He didn't buy it. _

_They were just trying to cover up all the times they'd taken him in for testing and other strange experiments in the middle of the night; he never remembered them by the next morning, but he was sure they'd happened. There were lots of documents in his files that had stamps on them to mark the times the tests were taken, and most of them were from twelve to four in the morning. He couldn't understand what any of it meant; he didn't want to. _

_He sat down in an empty chair and glanced at the TV; it was playing some stupid movie once again. He wanted to go back to sleep._

"_The birthday boy doesn't look so happy," the boy said and leaned over to look at him. He pinched his cheeks and tried to force him to smile, but Allen slapped his hands away._

"_Knock it off already you arse," Allen said and rolled his eyes._

"_You bein' cheeky with me? Does the Nancy boy want to fight?" As always, he regretted leaving his room._

"_You're a real twit, you know that," Allen muttered as he stalked off. They weren't allowed to have locks on their doors, but he was sure they wouldn't follow him. Everyone was convinced he was one of the real psychos here, but it was probably just his appearance. He was the only one with a head on his shoulders._

_Spending time with crazy people really makes you realize that you're sane. _

_He slammed his door and sat up on the windowsill. He dozed off while looking at the warm lights that lined the streets. It only took a few minutes for his door to come flying open and something whizzed past his head. He ducked in time but heard his window crack from the impact. When he lifted his head to look at what was thrown at him, he felt fear crawl up his throat. _

"_You like it? I nicked it off a nurse the other day," the same boy from earlier came skipping over and pushed Allen out of the way to dislodge his new weapon from the window. How the hell he got a hold of a scalpel knife, Allen didn't know, but he didn't like where this was going. He backed away from the window and bumped into someone behind him. He didn't know his name, but the kid was twice his height and a mute. Gigantism, he believed, was the right term for his condition._

"_You're really good with carving things, right, Allen?"_

"_Get out of my room," Allen said menacingly._

"_You won't tell anyone if I try to do it? Scars are so wicked man. I want one just like yours, except maybe a skull instead of a star," he said while giving Allen a thumbs up._

"_I really don't care," Allen said with a sigh, "just don't do it in my room."_

"_Wasn't planning on it. How old are you turning this year?" _

"_Don't know," Allen muttered and watched them both exit the room._

"_I think you're about nine. You're pretty short though, so I think eight is a good number. It's a pretty number to write, don't you think?"_

"_Just brill," Allen said sarcastically._

"_Come on, come on, don't waste your life in your room." The boy grabbed Allen's arm and he tried to shake him off, but the much taller boy helped him pull Allen out of his room. "H-Hey! Let go of me!"_

"_Who wants to play the birthday game!" The boy shouted while twirling the knife around in his small fingers. Some of the kids still in the rec room cheered. Allen tried to pull himself free but was being dragged along the clammy floor. _

"_Here's how we play, Allen," The kid who was dragging him suddenly let go and the other pushed him down on the couch. "Don't get up for a second while we pick the rules."_

_The group of kids huddled on the other side of the room and talked while the mute giant stared Allen down. _

"_Okay! Thigh it is! You two," he snapped at his bunkmate and the giant, "come help me hold him down."_

_Before Allen could protest, one of them hand his hand over his mouth and the other held down his chest. The boy pulled up the side of Allen's gown and clicked his tongue as if he were trying to make a decision._

"_You have really pretty skin, you know that? It's like snow," the boy said. He spun the knife around in his free hand and then pressed the blade gently against the skin. It only stung a little at first, with blood barely escaping the crack in his skin. He made a figure eight pattern, slowly and deliberately. _

_He barely even scratched the skin, much to Allen's relief. He put the handle of the blade in his mouth, much like an artist does with their paintbrush, and cocked his head to the side. _

"_Okay, the outline is ready!" Outline. Allen felt like vomiting. _

_Treating the knife like an Epipen, he plunged the blade into his skin. _

"_God, keep him quiet already. It's too hard to concentrate with his sissy screams," the boy said while rolling his eyes. The hand on Allen's mouth clamped down harder; he couldn't breathe anymore._

"_We did this to Shark like, a month ago. He didn't complain, in fact, he's pretty proud of it. So calm down already 'ya queer." Allen looked at the kid with dull eyes that everyone called Shark; he held up his wrist while grinning with pointed teeth. It had a very red seven carved into it; Allen remembered watching them do with a nail they pulled from one of the bed frames. It looked infected at this point and was swollen up in an angry, puffy fury. Was this his punishment for not stopping them?_

_The sickening noises the knife made as it tore through his pale skin made the kid laugh. Others came over to watch and one finally said, "You totally went off track. It looks like a nine."_

"_I'm not finished!" He yelled back in embarrassment._

"_That's so uneven, dude. Get Edgar to show you how; isn't he the one who cut up his little sister?" They sent a messenger down the hall to go see if Edgar was awake. _

_Edgar was a couple of years older than all the other boys and barely spoke. Apparently he was awake, because his stalky figure stumbled down the hall to see what all the kids were up to. His hair was way too long, and his glasses were barely visible; the thin frames desperately tried to create a wall between his dark glare and the outside world. _

"_This is disgusting," he said as he looked at Allen's bleeding leg. He took the knife from the boy and bent down to next to Allen._

"_You went in too deep at first and now it's all jagged. Here," he tilted the knife backwards and picked up where the other kid left off. With a flick of the wrist, he shaped it into a figure eight. Somehow he managed to go deeper but still keep the knife steady as it curved to finish the number. Allen wanted to scream, wanted to do anything to get away, but his lungs wouldn't work and the pain was drowning out any rational thought. _

"_That looks much better, thanks, Edgar!" The boy said and held his hand out to take the knife back._

_The older boy looked up from his glasses, and then back at all the blood. He was shaking, and lightly ran his finger against Allen's thigh. It made a thick line through the blood, but it only took seconds for more to cover the skin showing. The thick blood dripped from his fingertip and pattered on the floor below, joining up with the dark streams falling from the wound. His usual, aloof nature changed; a wicked smile came over his face. He gripped the blade tightly and started slashing with reckless abandon at Allen's leg. The kids holding him down screamed and let go of Allen._

"_Edgar, man, stop! It's just a joke!" He didn't listen and continued cutting; they all made noises of disgust. No one got in his way to stop him, afraid that he might turn on them. _

_"He's gone fuckin' mental!" __Allen could feel it all, flinching as the blade unzipped his skin. His voice was broken and his will to scream was crumbling. He blinked and shook his head to try to clear his vision, but was too dizzy and weak to see much at all. There was blood all over Edgar's face, smeared and speckled against his pale complexion. Allen realized there was blood on his own face, too, when he felt something dripping down his cheek._

"_Nurse! Nurse! Edgar's lost it! I think he stole a knife!" _

_The boy suddenly stopped as if he snapped out of a trance and his face paled. He looked around at all the kid's horrified faces, and then at Allen. He took off his bloodstained glasses and blinked a couple of times, looking down at his bloody hands gripping the knife and then back at Allen's leg. The side of his hip down to his kneecap was torn up with uneven, deep gashes. _

_He wiped off his glasses with his white shirt, smearing blood on the reddened fabric. _

"_Do you think if you cut deep enough," Allen said weakly, "I might get to see my father again?"_

_Edgar put his glasses back on and looked at Allen in pity. "Do you think I could see my brother again, if I did?"_

_Some of the kids went running off screaming and howling. "Hey, bitch in the pink scrubs! A little help over here?"_

_"Don't refer to me like that you little monster!" Allen tuned out the argument out in the hall between the attendant and the boys yelling._

"_I wonder if either of them," Edgar held up the knife in front of his own face, "would even be happy to see us."_

"_Shit! Guys! Edgar is trying to-!"_

_Allen heard the noise, but didn't see it happen. _

_The next morning, he attended a funeral for Edgar. It hurt a lot to move, but he insisted on going. He got a copy of the newspaper article about the death of Edgar's family; he cut them up into different pieces and then stitched them back up with red string. He painted up his sister like a doll, and dressed her up in fancy clothes. He was eight when it happened. _

_Allen remembered placing a flower on his grave. As he turned his back on the headstone, he decided Edgar wasn't one of the crazy ones._

* * *

><p><strong>*nervous laughter* yay for early updates….? I really don't want to end it there, but this chapter is already 10,000 words long. And that's probably enough mental scarring for one chapter.<strong>

**Till next chapter!**

**(I HIT 100 REVIEWS AND I MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT HAVE TEARED UP A LIL I LOVE YOU GUYS :) . IF YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE REVIEWERS WHO LEAVES ME SOMETHING FOR EACH CHAPTER JUST KNOW I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT AND TOTALLY DIG 'YA.)**


	15. Friendships Are Hard To Keep

_Allen remembered placing a flower on his grave. As he turned his back on the headstone, he decided Edgar wasn't crazy._

* * *

><p>"Kanda, right? Isn't that his name, Tyki? Hey, buddy, come back!" He opened his eyes and saw Wisely hovering over him. There was the sound of someone heaving; Kanda sat up from where he'd passed out and saw Lenalee holding her stomach.<p>

Trying to change the subject, Road brightly asked, "Wait, what'd you get him for his birthday?"

"We didn't know it was his birthday," Lenalee said while wiping her mouth off. There were tears stinging the creases of her eyes, but she managed to hold them back.

Wisely looked at Lenalee, and then back at Kanda. Wisely grinned at in his direction, and then started laughing at Kanda's obvious anger. _Don't do it._

"We, eh? I think someone knew," he said.

"Don't you know how to be respectful of other people, asshole?" Kanda yelled.

"I am respectful," Wisely protested as if his honor was challenged. "You just think too loudly."

"Right," Road said while grinning.

"What are you- wait," Lenalee put the pieces together and glared over at Kanda, "You knew it was his birthday?"

Kanda jumped up to his feet as she started to approach him and tried to stutter out an apology. He ended up backing up into the stairwell that was uncharted territory.

"Watch where you're walkin', dumbass!" Wisely shouted, but they all winced at the sound of a snap.

"Stupid exorcist!" Road hissed.

_It was storming. I am not alright, and I know it. Being thrown back into consciousness isn't easy._

Kanda had a grasp on his own thoughts during this memory and wasn't sure why. Was it because he was the one who snapped the wire? No, this didn't happen the first time, he remembered. After a couple of seconds, he realized that the setting was familiar. This was in Allen's house, back when he lived with Cross.

_The wall is the only thing keeping me up; I've got to stay conscious. Shit; everything is covered in blood. A boom of thunder, followed by a flash of lightning lights up the scene for only a couple of seconds. He hazily saw the glass and blood spilt everywhere. Is that mine? Ugh, it smells like sour wine down here. Wait. He smelled his clothes. It's just me. Man, how am I going to get the stains out of this?_

_I give up trying to figure this out; I need to get back to my room._

Kanda flinched every time Allen tripped trying to make it up the stairs; he was spilling blood everywhere. What the hell happened?

_Cross is praying. Did he just say Mana's name? Allen stumbled over and stole a closer look in his room, but backed away when he heard Cross stir._

The white washed walls were smeared with blood. Kanda followed behind Allen as he stumbled into his bedroom, and tried to catch him before he collapsed in the middle of the space. The hardwood was unforgiving, and there was a loud smack where he landed. Right, he reminded himself, this was just a memory, and he wasn't a welcome visitor.

_Why am I bleeding so much? He ran a hand through his hair, and when he pulled back his hand, the moonlight gave him an obvious answer. Everything was black and white and red. Why are my arms burning? He pulled up a sleeve and instantly dived into the bathroom at the sight._

Kanda felt his stomach turn over; this was the night he called. This was the night that he was talking to Allen. Allen's thoughts were getting sporadic as he realized what was going on.

_Not bad. It's fine. How could that bastard knock me over the head with a wine bottle? Shit, this isn't okay. This is bad, This is not fine. Oh god, Oh god. I can't stop throwing up._

_There was a chime, a little song coming out of his pocket. My phone is going off. I don't recognize the number._

That's my number on the screen. That's me.

_Instead of picking up, he looked at the wounds with the light and threw up again. Who's lucky caller number one? Bah, maybe I should forget it. Although, it could be important, it's not like I have anything to lose._

Kanda's own voice made him sick to his stomach. Allen was much more aware of his wounds than Kanda's voice.

_How did he get this number? Why the hell is he calling anyway? I should just hang up._

_His finger thumbed over the End Call button, but he hesitated. I ought to see what he wants. It's not like it matters anymore. He fell to the floor with a smack and put the phone next to him. Kanda's not my first choice in a listener of my last words, but it's not like I have much of a decision._

Kanda felt like he'd been slapped across the face as he realized that Allen gave up that night. He'd surrendered completely. And Kanda was oblivious, a stupid oblivious idiot. It truly looked as if he was dead as his eyes dimmed and the blood pooled up. The half of him laying on the floor was a deep red from laying in the blood. The bathroom was utterly silent. And then Kanda's voice cut through the air, snapping a small part of Allen back into reality.

Suddenly there was a strange figure in the room, one Kanda didn't recognize. He looked like a circus clown, but disappeared without an explanation. Memories of Lenalee, Lavi, and Kanda fluttered. Kanda watched him take care of the wounds like clockwork. And Kanda knew the words that came after; he remembered sitting in his dorm in the dark while staring at his phone in disbelief. _Goodnight, Allen._

_Goodnight, Kanda._

Kanda was on his knees when he realized he was back in the stairwell. Everyone else took a moment to come back; he watched them all reanimate and look over at him. Putting a hand to his forehead, he sighed and ignored their questioning glances. He wasn't giving any more backstory that Allen didn't want to add in himself.

Wisely let out a whistle in Kanda's direction. "Imagine if you hadn't called, huh? Fate sure is a bitch."

"Imagine if he hadn't been an idiot and gone over there," Road grumbled.

"Why was Cross performing a reverse exorcism? Why'd he need to go around the Earl? And to try to kill Allen," Tyki murmured. The other two Noah did a double take, not realizing the motive behind the abuse until Tyki said something.

He wasn't sure when Lenalee made her way over to him, but the slap that stung his face made him realize she was crying. She obviously put the pieces together pretty quickly and realized that this wasn't a one time thing; the memory vividly showed past bruises, too.

"You knew what was going on with Allen! You knew far before this, didn't you?" He didn't deny it.

"Why didn't you do something! Why did you," she was beating on his chest and sobbing, "Kanda, why didn't you help him?"

"What the hell was I supposed to do? I didn't even know him!"

"None of us knew him, did we? He never told us anything," Lenalee said with her voice trembling in anger. "But, that's no excuse! Do you know what I would've done if I were you? What about Lavi; do you think he would've just let this slide by? You're the worst!"

"I hate to interrupt, but we have some serious ground to cover. If you guys want out now, just say the word," Wisely said sternly. Lenalee and Kanda looked up and realized that the three Noah had already made it up the next set of stairs.

Lenalee shook her head in a firm no and scaled the stairs, avoiding the wires. Kanda silently followed after them.

"Shit," Wisely said as he looked up the next set of stairs. There was another spider web, much like the one in Allen's room.

"We're going to have to switch halls again," Wisely groaned. After taking care of the next handle, the group stepped into a new hallway. It was dim and not nearly as groomed as the lower floors.

"God, it reeks of blood and fuckin' corpses here," Road said while pinching her nose.

"Watch your language," Tyki said absent-mindedly.

"Who are you, Sheryl?" Road stopped her tongue a little too late and Wisely and Tyki looked at her with wide eyes.

"Sorry," she murmured and avoided them while hovering on her parasol. Kanda wasn't sure what was going on with the Noah, but it was comforting to know the strong front they put on was collapsing. If he organized a sting attack soon, they might stand a chance of taking them down. Recently they'd been planning an infiltration of the main Order building, but getting caught up in small outbreaks of innocence really put a damper on their priorities.

He really needed to get his priorities straight, too.

Brushing off his thoughts before Wisely could tune in, he looked around the disturbing hallway. There were bloody, child sized handprints lining the walls. On the floor beneath their feet, there were grotesque drawings in red and black ink that mimicked sidewalk chalk. Lenalee let out a high-pitched shriek and they all stopped to look at her. She was pointing into a corner of the hall while covering her mouth. There was a shadowy figure, propped up with a gaping white grin and eyes rolled in the back of its head. It started to move in a disjointed and disturbing symphony, as if all its limbs were popped out-of-place. Kanda put a hand on the hilt of his sword; the human took a while to get on its feet but was definitely covering ground.

"I was afraid of this. Hey, girl, did you happen to grab that necklace?" Lenalee fumbled around in her jacket pocket and found the glowing object. Wisely tore it out of her hands and held it out in front of him, much like he did when they'd first met.

The figure stopped and tried to back away, but burst into a bright light.

"Keep that out from now on, we are definitely going to need it." Wisely gagged a little at the sight of the strange, crawling figures.

"What are they?" Lenalee asked as the group continued their acrobatic stunts over to the other staircase.

"Physical manifestations of memories. Allen's head is very aware of a bunch of intruders at this point because we're getting more and more careless. Pick up the pace, we're almost to the top," Wisely said as they entered the next stairwell. He looked anxious and clung on tightly to the pendant while directing them around.

A couple more hideous figures jumped out from the shadows, startling them all. One climbed on the ceiling in an animalistic and disturbing display; Kanda only noticed when a black fluid dripped on his cheek from above. It's crooked grin sent shivers down his spine, and he narrowly dodged it's decent to attack him. He froze when it landed in front of him; something in him left his mind blank.

Lenalee stepped out with the necklace before it's clawing, blackened nails could sink into his skin. Thanking her, he continued, checking the ceiling for the crawling figures from now on. She didn't respond, and merely picked up the pace, leaving Kanda holding up the rear of the group.

For the most part, the necklace drove the monsters off so that they sat in the shadows, walking on hands and feet as close as possible to the group while staying out of the light. They grinned like madmen when Kanda glanced at them, and he pulled his gaze away as quick as possible.

As they made it to the next staircase, they thanked whatever deity was looking out for the unguarded handle of the door. They rounded each flight of stairs quickly, however, someone out of the group tripped over something or other. This staircase was full of gruesome tests that Allen himself wasn't aware of.

_It was dark; they'd all been sent to bed without dinner because of a big fight an hour before. Both of the boys were separated and ushered out of the ward, presumably to the SC section. Allen wasn't too familiar with it at the time, but the horror stories he'd heard from the other boys was enough to stir up pity for them._

_He scooted his bed over to the side and pulled out a small piece of paper he slipped under frame; it had tick marks on it for each day he spent here. Counting them up, he'd officially slept under this roof for 44 days._

_It wasn't a pleasant stay, but he was sure he wouldn't be here too much longer. He hadn't done anything wrong, and even better, the staff liked him. The other boys were starting to grow jealous of his uncanny ability to make friends with the adults. It was worrying to think they might turn on him; most of them were truly crazy, but he wanted to believe they had some good left in them._

_He heard commotion out in the hall, which was strange for this time of night. The voices stopped in front of his door, and he shut his eyes tight and turned to face away from the door. It was easy to get in trouble for staying up late._

_There was a soft creak of the door. "Allen?"_

_Deciding it was no use to pretend to be asleep, he sat up and politely responded, "Yes?"_

_The stalky figure's outline gave him an inkling that it was one of the major doctors in the building. Strange, he decided. This was strange._

_"Mind taking a trip with me down to the hospital floor? Your last tests indicated you might have some issues with your blood pressure; it'd be a bad idea to wait any longer to double check," he said. Allen was worried; what if he was really sick? He nodded and hopped out of bed, following after the man and the nurse beside him._

_A dark hall greeted him; the floor was deserted for the night, save for a dozing guard who straightened up at the sight of the doctor. The man relieved him, and Allen followed the pair down the hallway lined with empty rooms. He was ushered into a generic room; the strange table he sat up on was freezing, and he waited patiently in the dim room. There was absolutely no one around; all the workers had retired for the night. Strange, he thought. This was strange._

_The nurse came back in and he noticed she was holding a needle. "Ah, uhm, I don't want to be rude, but what's that for?"_

_The doctor sauntered in and sweetly replied, "To make you feel better; what else?"_

_"But I feel fine, honestly," he replied in confusion._

_"Allen, are you trying to get an attitude?" Allen quickly shook his head no; he never wanted to double-cross anyone. It might hurt his chances of getting out soon. Without protesting, he let the woman carefully find a vein and put the needle in. She laid him back and slowly pushed in the plunger; Allen still hadn't gotten used to the feeling of needles and they made his toes curl._

_It was an immediate reaction; he gasped out in pain and looked down at his arm in horror; the skin was turning black and blue, in almost a star-like rash. He was panicking and looked over at the two watching; neither of them looked disturbed in the slightest._

_"What," he choked on the lack of air he was getting and watched the infection spread. The flesh, right down to his cells, was rotting; this was some sort of poison. "What did I do wrong? I'm sorry!"_

_It didn't take long for him to succumb to the pain and pass out; he woke up to mumbling voices. He tried to sit up, and realized he was back in his room._

_"Complete and total recovery in 49 hours. Have we ever had a case of recovery from akuma poisoning, much less that quickly?"_

_"Purification of the poison has happened in a few rare cases, but that dose usually ends up disabling them for a couple months. He's already conscious and it's only been two days."_

_Two days. He looked down at his skin and the dim light from the street lamps below revealed it was paler than ever; the strange disease was gone. Did he have an allergic reaction to the medicine accidentally?_

_The idea that this place wasn't a sanctuary for recovery started to bubble up. Something was going on here that wasn't normal, but he had absolutely no control over it. He pulled out his piece of paper and shakily made two more marks._

_Where am I?_

"Gotta love the Order. They could've easily killed him," Road muttered.

Lenalee looked up at her in fury. "This wasn't the work of the Order! This building must have been owned by someone else before the Order bought it!"

"The Order has had rights to the place for a hundred years. Who else would be testing akuma poison?"

Kanda remembered the breakthrough cure they'd formulated; if they could get it to an exorcist in time, they could save them. He watched some of his best comrades come back from it; they even had reserves they stole from the Order at their own headquarters. Daisya had two different operations with the medicine.

A bitter taste rose up from the back of his throat; he never considered how they managed to come up with the cure. Or how many people died to make it.

Lenalee looked over at Kanda and shook her head, refusing to believe his words. Road sighed at Lenalee and looked inside the stairwell, where Tyki was inspecting with a pair of dazed eyes. He saw Road's unsure footsteps; she was trying her best to look heartless, but it was written all over her face that she was deeply disturbed.

They all were.

"You're ruining those nice shoes, Tyki," Wisely said while pointing at the ground beneath him in distaste.

"The entire stairwell is coated in blood," he replied as he looked at the pools hiding the soles of his shoes in a murky red. Luckily the strange figures resided only on that floor, and the stairwell was empty. A red emergency floodlight at the top of the stairwell was their only source of light, and it blinked in a slow repetition. An unsettling darkness settled in for a few moments, only to be replaced by blood and dingy concrete steps.

"I can hear music," Road said quietly as she stuck her head in the stairwell.

"Music?" Wisely inspected the doorway and stairwell before stepping into the new space.

Tyki remarked, "I've heard him play this song before, but I've never heard him sing it." Everyone tried not to question why he'd heard him play the piano before.

That means we're close, right?" Lenalee asked as she composed herself. He nodded and looked at the staircase with obvious annoyance.

Kanda followed them in and listened too; it was a chilling melody. The bittersweet notes seemed to be pulling at Kanda's own memories, and he tried to tune out the sound of his grace. He had no idea Allen played the piano, much less sang; but the music made his heart drop. He didn't want to know anything else about Allen's past; he desperately wanted to see him.

Wisely slowly led them up the stairwell; each step had a wire crisscrossed over it. They waited for a bright moment to advance, and then stopped when it fell dark. "Step exactly where I'm stepping; I really don't want to have to make it out of another one of those memories."

They all treaded lightly over the wires and ended up having to crawl through blood over the last steps to avoid a sharp line of wires at waist level. He spat when he made it to the top, trying not to gag at all the blood soiling his clothes. Road stepped up on the last step with a misguided hop and sent herself slipping through the blood. Snap.

"Shit, shit, shit!" She yelled and tried to get off the floor as her dress stained red from her fall.

"Too late."

_My hair has gotten too long, he thought dismally as it cascaded down his shoulders. He'd woken up after a five-day stretch this time, and he was growing so fragile that he could barely get up. They weren't even running the poisonous tests anymore, but he couldn't remember what it actually was. His head was a fuzzy mess; there were snake-like tubes attached to his arms, keeping him alive while he passed out for such long periods, he assumed._

_It was this time he snapped, ripping all the wires out angrily when he woke up. It was raining outside; the seasons were flowing by and he had no more space on his paper for tick marks. When they wouldn't tell him how long he was out and the paper grew weary of the layered marks, he tore it up in an angry fit. The idea of release was slowly fading away, and reality was setting in. He wasn't getting out._

_He tried to get up through gritted teeth, using the bed frame for support. Walking was slow and difficult, but he made it over to the mirror. He didn't recognize the figure at first, but eventually accepted that it had to be him, no matter how awful it was. Skeletal and emaciated, his body was barely holding itself up. Turning sideways might make him disappear altogether. His face looked as if it was dusted with charcoal, highlighting sunken cheekbones and dull eyes. This wasn't fair; I didn't do anything wrong._

_Angrily, he raised a weak fist and pushed straight through the mirror, shattering it into a spiderweb crack and embedding glass into his knuckles. He punched it again, with his other fist._

_"Stupid mirror," he muttered and saw blood on the glass when he hit it again. I don't want to see myself get any worse._

_His door slammed open and a concerned nurse came in; apparently the noise notified her._

_"Allen! you aren't supposed to be up, you know that!" She gasped when she noticed his bloodied hands and the smashed mirror._

_"I'm sick of this. Go ahead and kill me, or fuck off already," He spat back. She looked appalled; he knew it was out of character for him to be this angry. Blame it on the meds, if you want. She backed out of the room nervously, probably to go get help._

_"Guys, Allen's awake!" A couple kids came in the room and then their faces fell when they saw him._

_One kid remained cheery and came over to look at his hands. "This is so metal, dude! The glass in your hands is like brass knuckles or something. You could take out one of these nurses with those!" He made little punching motions._

_"You look dead, Allen. What've they been up to?" Edgar said curiously as he sauntered over. He tried to pinch Allen's side, but much to his surprise, it took a few inches to find Allen's frame beneath his clothes._

_"Not really sure anymore. They've tried to turn my head into mush," Allen replied sarcastically._

_"I miss seeing you around. These little hellions just like getting in fights," he said with a warm smile. The other kids protested and ended up getting in a fight between themselves over the idea that they fight too much._

_Edgar was his only real friend around here; he snuck in during the nights Allen was somewhat conscious. They talked a lot, mostly about times before this place. He was older, granted, but there wasn't anything intimidating about him. Most of all, he reminded him of Mana._

_"They're gonna mess you up for this, you know that, right?" He murmured as he took a look at Allen's hands._

_"Not really sure I care at this point," Allen said while grinning._

_"The day they break your spirit is the day they'll break mine," he replied cheerfully. Allen desperately hoped that he'd be able to meet Edgar someday, under better conditions, once they finally made it out of here. They'd both promised that if one got out, the other would come and save him. Neither even knew why they were here._

_"Get out, you little monsters!" They all squeaked and rushed out of the room; Allen saw the same nurse, along with the doctor standing at the entrance._

_"We don't tolerate insubordination lightly around here, you know," the doctor said as he approached him._

_"Give 'em hell, Allen!"_

_ "Get back in your rooms, now!"_

_"It was nice knowing this side of you Allen," Edgar said, and gave an endearing smile before he was shooed down the hall. He really doesn't expect me to come back as the same person._

_He let himself be dragged down to the other floor rather forcefully, into the back room far away from the normal patient rooms. In fact, he'd never been here before._

_The nurse forced him down on a bed and glared at him, meaning that he was going to stay put whether he liked it or not. Another man came in and looked extremely perplexed. He barely looked up from his clipboard to notice the man._

_"Too young to force a sync rate; you know that. Don't even ask me to consider it."_

_"My patient, my rules. Besides, he was born with it; this is important so we can see how far we can push the older exorcists. The longer we wait, the more the number of exorcist hosts decreases. Refining the stuff will get us a better price, you know that. We need the funding, and the kid is more than willing."_

_They were in a moral standoff, and for once, Allen did get a sense of fear. He'd heard them mention synchronization before, but had no idea what it meant. The second consultant had a very pained look on his face, and then glanced at Allen. After looking at his own appearance in the mirror this morning, he didn't blame his disturbed expression. He sighed and said that he didn't want any involvement, leaving the room in an angry huff._

_"Redirect Hevlaska's base power system to room A-E101 in exactly 3 minutes," the first doctor said into a cell phone. Edgar once told him Hevlaska was the name of the program that the building ran on; apparently it was the name of a mythological creature that symbolizes purity. Allen laughed a lot about that._

_The nurse pushed him down onto the bed and struggled to belt his hands and ankles to the sides of the bed, explaining that it was for his own safety. She meant what she said, but Allen didn't buy it. They just didn't want him to run away. He didn't struggle and remained flippant despite the growing anxiety; this was different._

_There was a surge of strange power in the room and the nurse scuffled out, along with a doctor. One of the walls in this room was made of glass, making it look like an interrogation or ICU unit rather than a regular check up room. Allen wanted to loudly protest and ask for answers, but nothing was coming out of his mouth whenever he tried to speak._

_The room grew too bright for him to keep his eyes open, and a strange warmth fell over the space. He didn't mind it at first, until it started to sting. His left arm was twitching, but the light made it impossible to tell what was happening. It felt like pure electricity was replacing the blood in his skin, and his thoughts crashed like thunder. His bones were splintering and crumbling beneath the weight in the room; his arm was throbbing and burning as if someone lit it with kerosene._

_"Off! We've already exceeded the limit!" Allen was screaming; he could hear his own voice over the blood pounding in his ears. There were a few more seconds; his head went blank with pain._

_"-Conscious or not?" Allen clawed his way back into reality, and looked up at a nurse blankly._

_"88% percent before we had to stop! That's better than three-fourths of those amateur exorcists working for us!"_

_"You nearly killed him; don't sound so happy!"_

_He faded off, and when he woke back up, he was in his room again. It took him a week to remember how to think and speak; but he had to pull through, if only for his friend's sake. The warmth in Edgar's face when he returned to his normal state was worth it._

_Of course, the next time it took even longer to come back to reality. Five more tests, until he was up to ninety five percent. The numbers meant nothing to him, he didn't understand anything. Words were garbage, and so were people. But he remembered the sixth time; they began to lead him out of the ward once more until a figure stepped in front of them._

_"No."_

_"Edgar, we can either call a security guard or you can step out of the way."_

_"I said no. Take me instead." The doctor looked skeptical, and then intrigued._

_"Wait," Allen said hoarsely, "don't do it! I'm fine! I can go again! You aren't going to make it, Edgar, you don't know what they'll do to you!"_

_"I'll be fine," he lied, "you always come back, right?" Allen was held back until Edgar was gone, and he felt tears start to sting at his eyes. He didn't let them fall; Edgar would be fine. He was strong._

_Allen sat on the floor in front of his door and waited. A few hours later, they brought him back, stumbling and pale. He saw it in his expression; something hadn't gone well. A day, a week, a month passed; a piece of Edgar never came back from that hall._

_He'd lost the only person close to him, again. Worst of all, he had to live with the shell of his failure to protect someone once again._

"Fuck this!" Kanda yelled and punched the wall.

"Kanda, calm down," Lenalee lightly put a hand on his shoulder and he pushed her off.

"I'm sick of this! The Order is going to pay the second I'm out of this mindtrap; Wisely! We're moving on, now!"

When they finally made it to the top of the grueling staircase, Kanda realized there wasn't a higher. This was the last platform, with a grungy door jammed in front of them. Wisely groaned as he looked at the door handle.

"We can't go up any higher. Does that mean this is the final hall?" Lenalee said as they stood behind an ominous door.

"Another unavoidable door trap? This hardly seems fair," Tyki remarked.

"Do you hear how loud the music is? We're super close," Road said. It was picking up to a chorus, and Kanda could almost hear the lyrics. They all sat there for a moment in reverence for the somber keystrokes, soft as falling rain but sharp as broken glass.

"Pretty," she remarked as she listened in with her ear against the door.

"Right," Wisely tried to keep them focused, "what's the plan?"

"It's only the door handle, right? The hinges and frame look clear. If Tyki pushes it open from the other side lightly, it might not snap them," Lenalee said quietly. He shrugged his shoulders and disappeared.

"Are there wires on that side?"

"She's right, there aren't any on the hinges this time, and I don't see any on the door frame. I say we give it a go," Wisely said while squinting through the door.

Tyki didn't respond, but they all heard the door click and it slowly came open.

"Careful, careful, careful," he said as Road slipped in. The other three followed in.

The music was clear now, echoing down the dark hall. The lights were out on this floor, and the only source of visibility was the moonlight filtering in through the windows.

"Well, shit," Wisely said as the windows illuminated a spider web of threads.

"I'm guessing this is the last room, then," Road said as she looked at the wires tangled across the room in a spider web of crisscrossing string. There was a pair of double doors at the end of the hall, and the music was obviously coming from in there.

"Probably the worst memories are in that mess. It's the final defense mechanism to keep us out," Tyki said.

"The strings," Lenalee squinted and pointed one out, "these first ones are golden. They aren't clear, like the other ones. And look, it's not a giant web of clear wires; it's one, stretched out and spiraling. What does that mean?"

"It's the memory keeping Allen stuck in here. This is it. He's just across the hall, but this is definitely a different kind of trap," Wisely said as he bent over to get a better look at the coloured strings.

"Are the gold ones made to keep us out? Perhaps they are our own memories, getting caught up in Allen's head," Tyki murmured.

"Never come across any like these, so your guess is as good as mine," Wisely said while scratching the back of his head.

"Pull one," Road said, intrigued.

"Hey, wait, let's think this through!" Road didn't listen and, with a sharp fingernail, snapped one of the shimmering wires. Nothing happened for a moment, and the room fell empty except for Allen singing.

"Bummer, maybe they're just faulty strings. Let's try this one," Road said and went to snap another string.

"What's happening to the girl?" Everyone turned around and saw Lenalee on the ground, pulling at her hair and fighting back tears. Kanda rushed over to her and called out her name a couple of times.

"I didn't," she was hyperventilating, "I didn't mean for it to happen!"

"Get a hold of yourself! It's not real!" Wisely yelled and came over to her. He tried to get her to look into her eyes, and she started shaking to break free from Kanda and Wisely's grasp.

She grabbed Wisely's hands. "Please, just kill me already! I don't want to be here anymore!" She didn't seem to be referencing Allen's head as the place she wanted to escape; some other memory was getting tugged on until she snapped.

He blinked a couple of times and then looked at everyone's disturbed faces.

"My brother has nothing to do with it! I'm better off dead! Kill me!" She started lashing out and Kanda held her down that she wouldn't start attacking them.

"Those wires must be our own sanity in this place. Shit, I'm sending her out before this gets worse," Wisely clasped his hands together and then placed them on the wall, creating a shadowy doorway.

"Get her out as quick as possible," He said hurriedly and Kanda picked her up against her protests.

"Will she be fine outside?"

"Yeah, she's only being attacked by Allen's head right now," Wisely said as they forced her through the doorway.

"I'm sure your other friend can handle it, unless you want to go back now. Actually," Wisely reopened the door he created, "it might be best if you all go back."

"You guys," Road said and pointed at the wires, "There's only two more different ones. Two of us are safe."

Allen's voice picked up, and they all looked each other in a quiet reverence. "I'm not about to watch a Noah go berserk," Kanda finally said.

"More like you won't be able to stop a Noah going berserk, right?" Kanda grunted in admissible agreement.

"Messing with the Noah's memory is probably the worst idea at this point. We can't have another breakout like Sheryl," Wisely murmured. Kanda raised an eyebrow, but didn't want to press the matter.

"So does that mean we're dropping out?" Tyki asked as he looked at the wires lining the hallway.

"'fraid so." He opened up another doorway, and Road whined at the fact that she couldn't stay for the finale.

* * *

><p>"Did you guys fail?" Lavi asked as Tyki and Road wearily stepped out from an eye cast into the hardwood. It faded off, cutting all connection to Kanda and Wisely.<p>

"It's too dangerous for us to stay, apparently. How's the girl?" Road asked as she sauntered over to a bed.

"She was completely lost for a while, but I set her down in bed. She's sleeping now," Lavi said as he looked over at her peaceful figure. The slow rise and fall of her chest relieved him.

"And Allen?" Tyki asked as he walked over to the bed that was Kanda's.

Lavi pursed his lips and walked over to check on him. "He was fine for a while, sleeping like nothing was wrong. And then he went into hysterics, yelling at you guys to get out of his head. It was sort of sporadic convulsions, and there wasn't really a pattern to it. And every time I tried to hold him down, it was like I was pulled into a memory. It was horrifying, the stuff I saw. Was it real?" Their silence confirmed it and he shook his head while taking off his bandana.

"It was each time we set off a wire," Road said.

"I'm afraid we can't stay any longer, Mr. Bookman. There are some domestic issues we have to tend to," Tyki said and eyed Road.

"Leaving Devit alone makes me nervous, too, Tyki, but shouldn't we wait for Allen to come back?"

"Wisely will take care of it," Tyki said.

"Whatever you say, boss." Road found the closest door, one into the closet, and turned a key so that it opened up to a signature room of hers.

"Next time we meet, don't expect any fair treatment. I could very well kill you both right now, but it'd be such a hassle," Tyki said as he lit a cigarette.

"You guys," Lavi said quietly as he sat down next to Allen, "do we really have to be enemies?"

"As long as you cling to innocence, we will never be able to see eye to eye," Tyki said, and stepped through the doorway.

"Bad joke," Lavi muttered as he saw Tyki winking.

Road pulled her bottom eyelid down and stuck out her tongue. "You're still a bunch of filthy worms in my eyes. And yet," a strange softness settled in her gaze, "I'm trusting you damn exorcists to take care of that idiot over there. Whatever, I'll get around to killing you."

Lavi grinned and replied, "Same to you." She gave a half-hearted wave over her shoulder and disappeared.

"Allen," Lavi said as he replaced a new rag on his forehead to try to stop the fever, "I know you can't hear me. And I know you might never come back to us. But, even if this was our last meeting, I'm so glad I met you."

_Kanda, bring him back._

* * *

><p>Apparently they'd guessed correctly; the next two wires snapped with no backfire.<p>

"Do you think it set up a trap for the biggest threats?" Kanda muttered as he inspected the unavoidable, thick memory wire wrapping around the rest of the room.

Wisely laughed and left a confused Kanda behind. "Don't you get it?"

"Allen wants you here. He doesn't want to kick you out, and he knows that I have to tag along to play gatekeeper," Wisely said while smiling like a fool.

"Then why'd he kick out Lenalee?"

"I'm assuming Road's thoughts influenced it, but thats just me speculating. I think his head would want to get rid of the three unfamiliar threats and not you two harmless humans."

"Allen doesn't want to kick me out? I don't really believe that," Kanda mumbled quietly. Allen should've sent him out the first chance he got.

"Oh, give it up already. I can see right through your act; Allen is really important to you, isn't he?"

"Stay out of my head," Kanda snapped and threw up his best attempt as a wall between his thoughts and reality.

"Right, right," Wisely said with no intention of following through, "Let's get this show on the road, right?"

He put his hand on the wire, but before he snapped it, he said, "It doesn't feel good to have someone in your head, right? Imagine what Allen's gonna do when we pull him out of here."

Kanda knew they'd gone beyond the words invasion of privacy. With a harsh tug, the wire snapped, and started to uncoil around the room.

"Stay calm, and keep reminding yourself it's a memory," Wisely instructed.

Everything went hazy, and the sound of Allen singing was the only sense he had left.

_Allen had sat out by the tombstone for a couple of days now; he could feel his body starting to waver. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat, he couldn't feel. Didn't want to._

_The graveyard was eerie and a lush fog hung over it. the sky had a discomforting red hue to it on this night; Allen wondered if this meant he was finally going to die. Waiting on death was painful._

"Get out!" Kanda felt pressure starting to crush his head; Allen was trying to force them out of the memory. Something was deeply rooted here, something they weren't meant to see.

"Fight him off," Wisely grunted.

_"Mana," Allen said weakly, "I'm coming."_

_He rested his head on the cool stone and felt himself begin to drift off._

_"Lovely night, isn't it, Allen Walker?" He slowly pulled himself back into awareness and saw a robust man inches away from his face._

_"Who," Allen jumped back, "who are you? Why do you know me?"_

_"A man who answers prayers, my dear boy. Mana Walker, such a tragedy," he said as he admired the headstone._

_"Wait!" Allen grabbed the fabric of his coat. "If you answer prayers, can you bring Mana back? I would do anything, I swear I'm a good person! Please!"_

_"I have heard your suffering, and came here to help you. Of course I can bring your beloved father back, on one condition of course," he replied and held out a hand._

_Allen put his hand in his and his eyes lit up. "Anything! I'd do anything!"_

_"To bring back a soul from the dead, an equal payment must be made," The man said as if he'd done this a million times._

_Allen pondered his words for a moment. "You can take my heart for all I care. I just want to see Mana again."_

_The grin on his face deepened and he said, "I admire your resolve. You truly are a loving son. Now, this wont hurt a bit."_

_The large man gestured for Allen to open up his arms and then reached into his chest. Allen realized that it didn't hurt at all, despite the fact that his hand was passing right through him. He pulled out what looked like a shooting star; it was a glowing collection of light that mimicked a prism. It emitted a range of colors and was almost blindingly bright._

_"Is that my," Allen touched it daintily and smiled at the warmth, "is this what souls look like?"_

_The man looked a bit stunned as he admired the twirling light in his hand. he even wiped off his glasses to get a better look._

_"This is one of the most beautiful souls I've ever come across," he said in disbelief._

_"It's all yours, I guess. What about Mana?" The man snapped out of his trance and suddenly the ever-present grin he had loomed over him._

_"I would never cheat you. So, as promised," the man put the glowing orb in his pocket and fished around in another large pocket, "I will bring back Mana Walker's soul."_

_The soul he pulled out of his pocket was nothing like Allen's; it was black and harsh and brittle like a lump of coal. The light it gave off was a dingy yellow, like a gas lamp._

"Get out of my head!" Kanda felt nauseous as Allen was starting to tear at his mind to leave the memory. He didn't want them there any longer. He could faintly see the hallway again, and Wisely's face.

"We have to," Wisely was having trouble breathing, "we have to finish the memory to get past this hall. Hang in there."

_He set the soul on the ground over the grave and Allen watched as a shadowy figure climbed out of it, like a weed sprouting. Something was wrong; it sounded as if it was in pain. The groans and moans the dirt made scared Allen, and he took a couple of steps back, bumping into the headstone._

_"Don't be scared, Allen," the man said and pushed Allen closer, "it's your dear Mana."_

_"Mana?" Allen questioned quietly, a little scared of the figure rising from the earth._

_"How dare you," the black figure spat out black clots of blood as it talked. Allen's eyes widened in horror; the figure was nothing more than a brittle, blackened corpse. He looked as if his body had been thrown into a fire pit and dragged back out like a rag doll._

_He did a double take between the large man and the corpse in front of him, shaking his head in defiance. "That's not Mana! What did you do?"_

_"No," the man shook his finger, "what did you do, Allen? I only did what you asked."_

_The figure lurched forward and wrapped its hands around Allen's neck, trying to choke him. "How dare you do this to me, Allen?!"_

_"I didn't know, I'm sorry!" Allen choked out. He was losing the ability to breathe._

_"This is the perfect soulless vessel for you to escape that charred figure, Mana. The pain will go away; go ahead and wear his skin," the man said and Allen felt his heartbeat slowing down._

_"I curse you, Allen! I curse you to see the reality of hell around you, and to live on in hell itself!" Mana let go of Allen's neck only to scrape his blackened, dirty fingernails across his face. Allen screamed in pain, and the Earl watched with strange curiosity._

_The rotting body looked at the man, and then back at Allen. His anger settled into a strange resentment, no longer an uncontrollable rage. Mana took both of his hands and dug into the side of Allen's face until he gouged out his left eye. Throwing away the bloody eye he'd torn out, he reached into his own chest._

_"Go ahead," he said teary eyed, "Mana, just go ahead and kill me. This is my fault."_

_Allen was grabbing at his eye and screaming for Mana to just go ahead and kill him. There was a moment of hesitation flickering in the sunken eye sockets._

_"I always told you to keep moving, so why did you quit here? Allen, I," Mana was coming back to his senses and started pulling at where his heart should've been. The flaky, black skin was starting to shed onto the barren dirt. He pulled out an orb like shell; the weak light it held was almost nonexistent._

_"I love you," Mana said, while salty tears burnt his skin. He took the orb and thrust it into Allen's eye socket. He shrieked out in pain as the foreign object burnt into his skin._

_"Please, destroy me, Allen," the body said as it began to crumble into dust._

_"Why can't I just go with you! Mana, I don't understand!" He shrieked as a sudden light erupted from his hand. In a spider-like display, a claw dragged him toward Mana's figure. It slashed through the decaying skin like paper, and Mana was nothing more than a pile of bright powder within a few moments._

_"No," Allen whimpered as he held the ash in his hands. It lit up at his touch, shining like sparks were going off._

_"I love you, Allen. Don't stop here; keep moving forward."_

_"MANA!"_

Kanda realized he was back in the hall; it was over.

"I wasn't aware that the Earl had Allen's soul," Wisely muttered. Kanda hadn't heard of the Earl collecting souls. He wanted to ask Wisely, but his throat was choked up. They both quietly walked across the now cleared floor.

"Does Allen have that Mana guy's soul inside of him?" Kanda asked quietly as they trudged down the pitch black hall.

"Did you see the shape that thing was in? It was nothing more than a painful curse. Allen sent that bastard straight to heaven with that innocence, and it looked like he'd already was doing time in Hell," Wisely muttered.

Kanda came to a dead halt. Innocence. Allen had innocence.

"Are you seriously that thick that you hadn't figured it out yet?" Wisely said while knocking on Kanda's skull. He pushed him away in anger and Wisely sighed.

He saved them from Road with it. He saved them in the church with it. It was what was hiding behind his other glove.

"This is not the time to space out, idiot. We've gotta get in there," Wisely said while staring at the doors.

Kanda put a shaky hand on the door handle. "No wires?"

"This is it, my friend," Wisely said, and put his hand on the handle.

They both pulled open the doors and there he was, perched on a piano bench and playing. The room was white and barren, except for a piano and a mirrored wall. Kanda could see his own reflection, along with Wisely's.

"Allen!" Kanda tried to run over to him, but Wisely put a hand on his shoulder.

"Let him finish the song. We don't know how he's going to react, and we don't know if we're going to have to pull him out of here without a fight or not," Wisely said quietly.

They listened to the final notes, and Allen sang out the rest of the song. The notes faded off, and a silence fell over him.

"Get out," Allen said quietly as he sat by the silent piano.

"You can't stay cooped up in your room all day. Go on, get some fresh air," Wisely said, mocking a mother's tone.

"Open up a door, and I'll do the rest," Kanda said quietly in Wisely's ear.

"How will I know when you wanna push him through? This is a bad idea," Wisely whispered harshly. "You have to pull him back to normal before we drag him out. Taking him out like this means we might lose his sense of self."

Before Wisely could grab him, Kanda stomped over to where Allen was sitting and roughly grabbed him by the shoulder. Allen's eye was black, and the usual mark was now a pattern of intricate swirls along the side of his face.

"Didn't you say you were going to keep going forward?"

"Get out of my head. I don't have anything to go back to," Allen muttered and looked away.

Kanda grabbed his chin and forced him to look. "Allen! Are you really content with leaving all of us behind?"

"You three barely even know me. Just forget about me." Kanda realized there wasn't the usual intensity in his eyes; he looked dead, with glossy eyes and a doll-like complexion. He punched him so hard he tripped over the piano bench and fell to the floor.

"What happened to you? You look like you've given up, and that's not the person I knew!"

"Do you ever think you really knew me, Kanda? Isn't it proof enough here that I've never really had my own personality?" Allen's voice sounded dark, and he wiped the blood off the side of his mouth.

Kanda pulled him off the floor by the shirt collar and glared at his dim gaze. "I know the bastard who saved us when we lost everything. I know the bastard who still had a fire in his eyes, even when there was nothing left. I know you, Allen, and it terrifies you."

"Someone left you here to rot in this building. They left you here to die, didn't they?" Wisely put a hand on Kanda's shoulder and gave him a serious look of distaste; Kanda shrugged him off.

"They drugged you, shot you up, fried your brain until all that was left was a tiny little soulless freak," Kanda said. He took a step closer to Allen, who was desperately trying to get onto his feet and away from Kanda.

"Stop talking," Allen said angrily.

"Did it hurt," Kanda took another step closer, "Did it burn your skull when they pumped electricity right into your weak little head? Did the needles pinch at your skin? Did the kids who tormented you, sliced you up and beat the shit out of you; did that hurt? Did you forget how to feel somewhere along the way?!"

"Stop talking! Shut up!"

"Kanda, man, you're pushing too hard," Wisely said quietly.

"When you watched your own father die; did that make you feel anything? When your eye was torn out of your head, when your very soul was pulled out from your chest," he had Allen cornered now, and he was fighting back bitter tears, "no, it didn't mean a thing to you. You just ran off and hid, like the pathetic little child you are."

"That Edgar kid; did losing him make you lose faith in the rest of humanity? Did you really lose your soul when Mana died? Even now, you're clinging to the last shred of your fears; look me in the eyes, Allen!" He grabbed his chin and forced him to pull his gaze from the floor.

"Look at your own damn blood, covering my clothes. Look at this stupid room." The wallpaper was curling, revealing rotting wood and bloodstains. The piano collapsed into a pile of firewood and curled, rusty strings. The keys fell like dominoes.

"This lie you've lived in," Kanda said softly, "How long has it been since you felt a thing?"

"Stop! Get the hell out!"

"Are you scared, Allen?"

"Please," Allen felt himself sinking to his knees, "just let me stay here. Please go."

"Is this moving forward?" Allen's eyes widened, and he looked at Kanda in disbelief.

"You," Allen's voice was trembling in anger, "You have no right to talk about Mana! You don't have any right to act like it was no big deal, what happened to me! You can't just expect this shit to just disappear!"

"It's not me who's doing it; you're the one playing pretend," Kanda said. He saw the brightness he so hated, the will to live on; it was back for a few seconds.

Allen blinked a couple of times, before breaking off into laughter. He pulled himself free of Kanda's grasp and stumbled back a few steps. " You think you know me? Just because you made a mess of my head don't mean you know a thing. You mean nothing to me. None of you do; I was just using you."

"Oh really?" Kanda smirked as Allen was accidentally backing towards Wisely's door.

He came in close and grabbed the front of his shirt. Leaning in, he whispered in his ear, "I know you well enough to tell when you're lying."

"I don't know what you're playing at but," Kanda gripped him tighter and raised a boot, "you'll never get rid of us three, no matter how hard you try. Fine; be afraid to trust us. Be afraid to wake up tomorrow morning. Just don't act like a self loathing idiot and stay here."

Allen gave out a cry of shock as Kanda kicked him straight through Wisely's door.

"You sure you got his personality back before you so graciously sent him through?" Wisely asked, extremely skeptical.

"I saw it in his eyes. That idiot is back alright, and better be ready for the ass kicking of his life."

"You're trying to look cool, but it took everything in you to do that," Wisely said as he watch Kanda's trembling hands.

"You broke him apart."

"And now he can pick up the pieces and put himself back together. Come on, we're leaving this hell hole," Kanda instructed. Wisely gave him a military salute and followed him out.

* * *

><p>"Why didn't you stop him earlier? How could you fall asleep! Lavi!"<p>

"I'm so sorry, Lenalee!"

Kanda slowly came back into awareness and the room was filled with a chorus of frantic shrieks from Lavi and Lenalee. They were running around the room in a heated argument, with Lenalee on the argument side.

"What the hell is you two's problem," Wisely said as he rubbed his forehead.

"Lavi dozed off and Allen's screams woke us up! He looked like something straight out of a horror movie; I swear he was possessed!"

Kanda ran over to the bed and realized that Lavi had tied Allen's hands behind his back. There were scratch marks all over the side of his face; apparently he'd been clawing at his eye. Wisely and Kanda exchanged eye contact when they realized that it was the last memory they set off.

"Wisely, when is he going to wake up?" Kanda asked, but then realized Wisely was nowhere to be seen.

"He's been running a fever for a while, but he was sick in the first place right?" Allen didn't look well; he was flushed and pale and shivering.

"Where'd the Noah go?" Suddenly Kanda was roughly pushed out of the way and Wisely was heaving over a large bucket of ice water. He took no care as he swung it over the side of the bed, drenching the sheets and especially Allen.

"Rise and shine, lazy ass!" Wisely yelled. The three took a couple steps back, appalled at his idea of nicely waking someone up.

"Hey, Wisely, he's sick!" Lenalee protested and angrily took the bucket.

"Not sick, it's just his body shutting down from the attack. We've gotta keep him awake for a bit, at least an hour," he replied matter-of-factly.

Allen immediately started coughing and tried to sit up, only to realize he was too weak. He looked lost and frightened, alarm building in his expression when he realized his hands were tied, and Kanda quickly worked to untie them before he panicked.

"Why are you throwing water on me?" Allen finally said at the Noah but slowly trailed off as everything started coming back to him. He slowly lost all the emotion and color out of his face, and then looked over at Lenalee and Lavi.

"Welcome back," Lenalee said quietly while holding in tears.

"We don't have time for that, miss," Wisely said and tore the bucket out of her hands. Apparently he'd anticipated Allen's next move, and saved the floor from his vomit.

The four of them backed off, more out of disgust than anything else, and Lavi whispered, "So, is he okay? What happened?"

"Don't know if he is or not," Wisely said honestly, but then looked extremely troubled.

"It'll take a while to bring him back from nowheresville, but then again, I said the same thing before we went through his head. I probably need to get a hold of Road and Tyki," Wisely mumbled and tried to walk towards Allen.

"Hey!" Kanda yelled, and barely caught Wisely before he fell over.

"What's wrong with him?" Lenalee asked frantically.

"Been busy keepin track of you idiots, and keeping us in someone's head," they dragged him over to the bed where he collapsed completely, "I guess I wasn't payin' too much attention to my health."

Wisely passed out moments after, and Kanda listened for a heartbeat, hoping that Noah's worked about the same as regular people.

"He's fine just," Kanda pulled his scarf down so that he didn't have to look at the strange eyes, "Just over exerted himself, I guess. Do you think Road and Tyki are coming back?"

"We're just gonna have to wait it out, I guess. Say, I think we should keep Lenalee safe downstairs, and I'll keep watch by the couch so that I can see the door and protect her room. You can sit at the foot of the stairs and watch Wisely, and Allen too, I guess. He's pretty sick, so it's not like he's going anywhere," Lavi said.

"I don't need a watchdog, Lavi. And I don't trust Kanda," She muttered while glaring. He knew he deserved it, but having Lenalee truly angry at him hurt his chest. Lavi decided to steer clear of the obvious resentment.

"I know you don't, Lena. But if those Noah come storming in here, we've got to have some innocence users ready," he replied. "And besides, Kanda is pretty trustworthy if he saved Allen, right?"

There was a loud thump. The three swirled around and noticed an absence of Allen over in the soaking wet sheets. The only clues left behind was the slam of the bathroom door.

"Allen, hey, what are you doing? You shouldn't be up yet!" Lavi yelled and came over to the door.

Lenalee tried the door handle but glowered when it jammed. "Allen, are you okay?"

Kanda gave a harsh rap on the door and said, "Do you really think a bathroom door is gonna stop us? You've got about five seconds to open the damn door!"

* * *

><p>Allen somehow stumbled over to the bathroom; he was delirious and shaky and shivering. But he was all too aware of everything. He remembered it all, and it all was too much.<p>

He looked over at the door, and then back at the mirror. He pushed up his hair with a clammy hand and tried to focus on his face. He shut his eyes against the pulsating room and then reopened his left eye.

The dark shadow he'd been seeing; it was Mana. The light of the soul was gone, but the dark aura that hung against his eye, misted over where it should be, was proof alone.

That night happened. It wasn't a dream; it was a memory, it was real.

"It's gone," he said quietly.

He really didn't have a soul, which was why those ghosts all came after him. If he wasn't careful, one of them could climb right into his skin, which was a terrifying thing he didn't want to think about. What didn't make sense, however, was why they came after him before he lost his soul.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that Lenalee, Lavi, and Kanda managed to get the door open. They all had confusion painted over their face, and he realized he still had his eye activated.

"Your eye," Lenalee said quietly. He quickly blinked a couple of times until it returned back to its murky mercury color and tried his best not to look worried.

"Didn't mean to worry you," Allen said.

"You look really red, Allen, not to mention how much you're sweating. Come on, come on, back in bed. I'll get you some more medicine," Lavi said. Allen didn't like how they all seemed to be ignoring what they'd all seen, but then again, he didn't want to face it himself. Maybe it was easier this way.

Allen stumbled out of the bathroom and tried not to think. Dizziness came back in crashing waves, sending him tottering back and forth in his steps. A dull thud let him know that he'd definitely fallen over.

"Allen!" Lenalee was crouched next to him in worry.

"I'm fine, just slipped," Allen said while laughing as he tried to pull himself back up to no avail.

"You are such a dork, you know that?" Lenalee said while smiling.

He felt Lavi's arm slip beneath one of his armpits and Kanda locked himself under the other. They both pulled him up and dragged him back over to the bed with his toes tipped backwards.

"No more getting up, you hear me?" Lavi said sternly. Allen rolled his eyes at Lavi's attempt at a motherly tone. He grinned and reached for something on the nightstand, a facial expression that Allen did not get a good feeling from.

"What are you-" Allen was muffled by the taste of cough syrup and the pain of spoon shoved down his throat. He started spitting in disgust and Lenalee laughed at his soured face. Lavi wrung out a towel he had sitting in a bucket of ice water, which Allen wasn't sure where he got, and daintily placed it on Allen's forehead.

"What was in that?" Allen muttered while trying to get the bitter taste out of his mouth.

"You definitely do not want to know!" Lavi said cheerfully and patted him on the forehead.

Lenalee and Kanda watched, thoroughly impressed with Lavi's ability to take care of a sick person. He was strange; silly at one moment, and serious at another. He pulled up the covers on Allen before he could do it himself and walked over to Lenalee and Kanda.

"Your job," he pointed at Kanda, "is to make sure he stays put. Also, are we planning on letting Wisely sleep there?"

"We should probably tie him up," Kanda grumbled as he looked at the completely knocked out figure of Wisely. He looked way too comfortable to be sleeping in a stranger's home, curled up around a pillow and drooling.

"I think he's harmless, and besides, both of you can stay awake to make sure nothing happens. He just spent all night helping us out, you know. It's kind of rude to treat him like a prisoner," Lenalee argued.

"Fine. But I'll sew those stupid eyes shut if he shows any signs of-"

"Of what? Going after Allen?" Kanda fell silent, and Lavi patted him on the back.

"It'll be fine. Okay, I'm off to bed; this has been," she stopped at the foot of the stairs, "one of the strangest nights ever." Lavi and Kanda silently agreed.

"I'm," Lenalee stood there for a moment and whispered, "I'm afraid. I'm afraid to see Allen tomorrow. I'm afraid to lose him. I-"

"Lenalee, don't worry so much," Lavi said softly and led her down the stairs. _I am too._

Kanda flipped the lights off and sat down at the plateau of the steps. Leaning against the rails, he slowly heard Lenalee and Lavi's laughter drift off, and the noises of Lavi's phone going off as he settled into the couch.

"Put it on silent before I make you eat it!" Kanda yelled and Lavi yelled back an apology.

* * *

><p>It didn't take long for Allen to hear Wisely softly snoring, and he rolled his eyes. He didn't blame him though; it'd been a long day, and he might've had it the worst. Kanda hadn't stirred in the last hour, either, and was probably out too.<p>

There was no way he was getting any sleep; not with his head imitating an earthquake. Everything was hitting him all at once, and he didn't want to remember. The past is the past for a reason, he thought bitterly as he tried to sit up in the bed.

"What are you doing?" Kanda asked sharply and Allen flinched at the sudden voice.

"Jesus, I thought you were asleep," Allen said while holding his heart.

"I'm keeping watch, aren't I? Go to sleep already," Kanda muttered. Moonlight was coming in through the glass doors, and Allen could tell he looked exhausted.

"I'm not going to fall asleep tonight. You can go ahead and get some rest," Allen said and put his feet on the floor. It was cold, but hot at the same time. His body had really shut down; he couldn't remember the last time he felt this weak.

"Again, what are you doing, idiot?" Allen looked up and realized that Kanda was standing over him, with obvious irritation.

"I just need to grab something from my bag and then I'll pretend to be asleep again," Allen said sarcastically. He stood up, only for Kanda to push him back down.

"Hey!"

"I'll get it; you're just going to fall flat on your face anyway," Kanda said.

"Fine. That blue bag, next to my stuff. Can you grab it?" Kanda didn't reply and went over to where Wisely was sleeping. Warily, he pulled the small bag from underneath the bag and sauntered back over to Allen. He sat it down in his lap.

"You can go away now," Allen muttered. He didn't like doing this in front of people. Kanda eyed him for a moment, but eventually went back over to his perch at the top of the stairs. His uncomfortable stare, however, didn't seem to leave Allen alone.

He tried to ignore him; it's not like Allen had any secrets left, anyway. He used the moonlight to read the correct labels: take two of these, one of the red ones, some of those, some of these. He coughed on the water when he tried to take them all in one gulp, but eventually forced them all down. Doubling up on the pain medicine might make this night more bearable.

"You don't have to take those, you know. You aren't crazy," Kanda said quietly. Allen blinked a couple of times but didn't reply, crawling back into the covers. The room fell silent once again.

Horrible wasn't even close to the pain he was feeling; his body felt like it'd been gutted out with an ice cream scoop and bones left splintered. His head kept dragging him back to the graveyard; he desperately wanted to forget again. Blood was all he could seem to spit up for the next hour, and regretted just about every decision he ever made. He tried his best to be quiet about it, but some coughs came out in sputtered gasps and there was only so much grace one could have while gagging.

"Hey, you okay?" Allen stared blankly at Kanda's dim figure; he was crouched next to the side of the bed. His hand brushed against his forehead, only to be followed by a list of expletives as he shook out his burning hand.

Allen hoarsely laughed and replied, "Pretty pathetic, huh?"

Kanda sat down on the side of the bed and Allen felt the mattress sink. "I didn't mean what I said."

"You don't have to lie," Allen replied.

"I'm not lying!" They fell silent once again, but Kanda didn't get up.

"You mind if I lay down? That railing is hurting my back."

Allen hummed a yes in response and felt Kanda switch sides, collapsing on top of the covers with a heavy sigh. A long silence fell over the pair; maybe Kanda just fell asleep.

He felt himself getting sick again; Mana was overpowering his thoughts. All the time they spent together before the Order was branded into his head. That crumbling figure he brought back, nothing more than a rotting corpse, tore apart all the good memories and left them bitter. Worst of all, there was no chance he would see him again, because he destroyed his very soul.

"Hey." Allen looked over and realized Kanda had his head propped up on one arm and concerned written all over his posture. He suddenly felt the dampness against his face. Crying wasn't a normal thing for him, and was just downright embarrassing. He quickly wiped off the sticky tears with a gloved hand and muttered out an apology. His hands were trembling, and he felt like laughing at how weak he was.

Kanda grabbed his hand before he could tuck it back beneath the blanket and Allen shot him a puzzled look. Slipping off the glove, the pale skin and abrupt scar were highlighted by the moonlight pouring in. Allen grimaced and looked away, trying to pull his hand back.

"You don't have to force yourself to feel guilty, Kanda," Allen said while glaring. "I don't need your pity."

"Would you stop it already? I don't want to put up with this annoying side of you. Just be quiet for a while," Kanda replied, irritated but still with a strange kindness in his voice.

Letting his head sink back into the pillow, Kanda held on firmly to his hand despite Allen's tense demeanor. He intertwined their fingers together and gave a tight squeeze on Allen's hand.

"You don't have to try to patronize me. I'm not some little kid who wants comfort," Allen said stiffly.

"I know," Kanda replied matter-of-factly. "Maybe that's why I feel like I need to."

Allen was convinced that Kanda was determined to not make sense. Lightly tracing the scar, Kanda ran his thumb in small circles around his skin. The motion was comforting, and he wasn't really sure why, but it put the brakes on Allen's spinning head. Maybe, just maybe, he could get a little sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>The amount of support and sweetness I'm getting is amazing. Till next chapter! <strong>


	16. The Devil Walks On Flames, Not Water

"Shit," Kanda mumbled. He wasn't sure when he fell asleep, but he'd obviously been out for a couple of hours. He shot a tense glance over at Wisely, but relaxed when he realized he was still knocked out._ So much for being on guard._ Looking at his watch, he realized it was still early in the morning and groaned at the thought of having to get up.

Across from him, Allen was gripping tightly onto the covers and looked upset, no doubt due to a nightmare. He was facing Kanda, lying on his side in a panicked sweat. _Better wake him up before it gets worse. _

"Allen," Kanda said softly.

He didn't respond, and Kanda put a hand on his shoulder. He tensed up, gripping at the covers like he was going to tear right through them. Kanda shook him lightly and he let go of the covers, only to collapse in on himself like a folding chair. Allen cried some, sure, but he never usually looked so miserable. Worry set in and Kanda grew a bit frantic_; was he gone again?_

He didn't want to go back in Allen's mind; he wouldn't make it through again.

"Allen," Kanda repeated and shook him a little harder. He lashed out in his sleep and clung to Kanda's shirt, much like he'd grabbed at the sheets. Tears were starting to drip from his eyes, and Kanda was at a loss as to what to do. While deciding between detaching Allen from him versus waiting it out, he sat there for a moment. He looked like a lost child, reaching out desperately for a mother's embrace to comfort him.

Kanda wasn't really sure if the kid ever really had parents. Well, he had to at some point, but they obviously didn't exist now.

Comforting people wasn't something he did, ever; even when Lavi and Lenalee broke down, he'd only offer to go get them a glass of water. Maybe a few words of reassurance thrown their way, but nothing worth mentioning. No one ever expected it out of him.

Against his better judgment, he pulled Allen in closer and hesitantly rubbed his back as he cried into Kanda's chest. Kanda was pretty grateful that his voice only came out in low cries, barely audible, instead of house shaking sobs. As he started to calm down, he ran his hand through his white hair and murmured, "You're fine, Allen."

Loosening his grip on Kanda, Allen relaxed a little but still wasn't awake. Kanda couldn't bear to let go of him still painted pale with the expression of death, and kept his arms wrapped loosely on Allen's thin waist. His frame felt so cold and frail that Kanda felt as if he would snap in two.

_I pretended not to notice but,_ Kanda grimaced while looking at him, _he really hasn't been doing better than when he was with Cross._ Maybe it was just because Allen was so sick that he didn't look healthy, but if Kanda kept passing off his well-being with excuses then Allen would end up dead.

_Lenalee was right; I should've helped him. Damn it, why is she always right?_

Allen mumbled something incoherent and he flinched, afraid he'd woken him up. Looking down, he realized Allen was still fast asleep. _Probably more unconscious than asleep, though._ His heavy and shallow breaths into Kanda's chest seemed a lot more laborious than a regular snooze; Kanda's heart seemed to flutter at least ten times before Allen's weakly knocked once on his ribcage.

Wait; wasn't he trying to wake him up in the first place?

To be honest, he'd rather stay like this then wake Allen up. The slow repetition of his shallow breaths imitated a metronome, and Kanda found it a hard fight to stay awake. He dozed off a little while trying to decide on whether or not to get up.

Waking up only because of some stray sunlight, he blinked a couple of times to get rid of the sleep. His expression softened when he saw how peaceful Allen looked; the tension in his expression was erased and his lips were tinged with sunlight and a slight smile.

Somehow in the fifteen minutes he'd dozed off, Allen accidentally weaved their legs together. Wait, no, Kanda realized that he must've done it since his left leg was over Allen's thigh. Being this comfortable with someone was supposed to make him uncomfortable, but nothing on Allen's face spelled out indecency. Composed with only a sleepy peacefulness, his complexion meant that he was just as okay with being tangled up with Kanda as he was.

The shadows and sunlight of the room gave his appearance razor-sharp lines, highlighting the black beneath his eyes and darkness hiding within the homes of his cheekbones, against the white of his hair in stark contrast. It was only his eyes, the grey mixture of dark and light, that really distinguished him. With his eyes closed, he might as well have been a stranger.

_How could someone who lived through that horror still have such an air of innocence about them?_

He was distraught even though he knew he shouldn't have been; they were just friends, and this was an accident. That's how things worked, labeled in black and white. Kanda was only trying to stop his stupid nightmare, right?

Friend seemed like a watered down word for their relationship; he knew way too much about Allen to consider him a friend.

He internally cursed himself out, but couldn't seem to find the willpower to try to untangle him. No one would be up for a couple of hours, and, besides, Allen was so warm compared to this icebox imitating a bedroom. _Leaving him alone could provoke a nightmare,_ he lied to himself. _Man, I'm a real disaster these days._ Falling into his pillow with a heavy sigh, he continued his mental argument while glowering at Allen. _This is all your fault,_ he thought while glaring at his gentle expression._ You stupid, emotionally confusing, white haired-_

"Friend, huh? That's an interesting word choice." Kanda shot up from where he was laying and scoured around on the bed for where he left his sword.

"Geez, calm down," Wisely said and handed him the sword he was looking for, "I was just on my way out."

Kanda tried to find his dignity, too, but it had disappeared just like his sword had. Once back in his hands, he gripped the sheath tightly and muttered, "You're leaving?"

"Road and Tyki are going to have a fit if I don't come home soon. He's fine, by the way; his thoughts have slowed down," Wisely said as he meandered over to Allen's side of the bed. As if he could feel Kanda's protective glare, he didn't put a hand on him. Allen rolled over in his sleep and made them both jump, but he didn't wake up. _Man, how much did this kid move? Couldn't he just sit still?_

"It's funny though," Wisely said while putting his hands on his hips, "I can't tell what he's thinking anymore. It's like there's some sort of jammer around his head. Pretty frustrating; maybe he built up an immunity. Whatever, I won't interrupt you two."

"Interrupt what? There's nothing-"

"You may be able to lie to yourself, but you can't lie to me. Enjoy him while he's still around is my advice." Wisely tightened his scarf and pulled out one of Road's keys from his pockets. Before Kanda could yell an embarrassed response back, he waved and disappeared out the doorway he created.

"Still around?" Kanda mumbled while looking back at Allen. He fell back down to his pillow in a confused huff, with Allen facing away from him.

Was he planning to disappear?

_Why does that bother me so much?_

Kanda couldn't remember the last time he'd been this close to someone; it disturbed him that he hadn't noticed it earlier, but he'd grown attached to someone he barely knew. Sure, he knew who Allen was; he knew his name, looks, and even his past. But the person lying next to him, _this_ Allen, was a mystery.

The plausible thought of him disappearing hadn't even crossed his mind; he knew they'd undo Wisely's disaster, and he knew he'd come back. However, that didn't mean he would stay. Wisely knew Allen was planning something.

Angry and bitter, he gripped at the covers and thought,_ He probably doesn't even care about us; he'll put up some savior bullshit and disappear. Just when I fucking thought I could handle someone, trust them, I realize how stupid of an idea that is. Just like how stupid I was for even letting her-_

His eyes widened when he remembered why he told himself to never let this happen again. Promised himself not to put up with anyone's bullshit, promised himself not to get close enough to get hurt. He didn't get his feelings hurt; he left before anyone could leave him. Nausea set in as memories he didn't care for were disturbed, as if a stray stone accidentally set off ripples in a pool.

"God," He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to push her out of his head. "Alma, I'm so sorry."

"Alma?" Kanda jumped when he realized Allen was staring at him with sleepy eyes. He yawned with his head lying on his hand and covered his mouth with the other.

Kanda didn't even acknowledge Allen and rolled out of bed angrily, grabbing his sword and slamming the bathroom door behind him.

"Alrighty," Allen said as he sat up, not even trying phased by Kanda's outbursts anymore. He stared blankly at his uncovered hand, lost in thought. _I can't stay here any longer._

* * *

><p>"Good thing Lenalee forced us out before the snowstorm hit. We might make it back in one piece," Lavi muttered as he focused on driving. They'd all decided that Allen shouldn't be let anywhere near Kanda's car, and that forcing Lenalee to ride with him might fix whatever was going on between the two.<p>

"Who's Alma?" Allen asked while staring out into the blurry onslaught of snow.

Lavi jerked the car a little in surprise, but recomposed himself. "Whoa, where'd you hear the name?"

"Kanda accidentally mentioned it this morning," Allen murmured back.

Lavi was obviously uncomfortable and drummed his fingertips on the steering wheel. Obviously, Allen opened a can of worms that even Lavi had trouble making light of. "Not sure it's my place to say anything," he said wistfully.

"If you three get to know everything about me, why can't I know something about you?"

"Heck, Allen, I don't even know the whole story myself. Lenalady is in the dark, too. It's Kanda's business, to be honest, and talking behind his back is how you lose your head," Lavi said.

Allen didn't respond and waited for him to spit it out. Lavi let out a sigh when he noticed Allen's determined stare out of the corner of his eye; he wasn't letting this one go.

"Alma is the name of Kanda's dead girlfriend," Lavi eventually mumbled out. He sounded as if he'd aged a couple of years as the words escaped his mouth. _He mentioned his dead girlfriend while lying in bed with me. Right._

"Tell me what you know," Allen said curiously, not going to let it end there.

"Long story short, Yuu and I grew up as childhood friends, even though he won't admit the friend part. And then I was invited to this fancy school for free, so I forced him to take the entrance exam too, and he managed to get in. His parent's said no, and I left for school, thinking I'd never see him again. That was it, too; for a couple of years, I even forgot the name."

"At any rate, it's three am, a handful of years later, and I have a hangover; there's a knock on my dorm door. Real soft, like a ghost. I opened it and recognized the face immediately, but couldn't think of what to say. He asked if he could crash here, not telling me how he found the place or what was going on, and I just let him come in," Lavi sounded slightly upset. _So Kanda ran away from home?_ That didn't sound like him, but then again, Allen wasn't one to talk.

"He was scary, Allen. If you think Kanda's a nightmare now- you don't know the half of it. He didn't say anything, not one word, even when I asked him the simplest of questions. He came and went from my place for a month and I didn't prod; I wasn't about to let him sleep out on the streets. He only would've come here if he needed somewhere to stay."

Lavi let out a heavy sigh and then continued, "and then one night he stumbles in at god knows what hour, covered in blood and dragging his katana along. I quickly turned on the light and pulled out some supplies to bandage him up, but it only took a few seconds for me to realize," he stopped for a moment, "it wasn't his blood."

"Jesus, he didn't kill her, did he?" Allen asked in horror.

"No, no, nothing like that. But I made him talk after that; he wasn't going to come back to my place covered in blood anymore. And he mumbled something about his issues with the Order and the Noah. And then I asked him why he showed up, after all these years." Lavi seemed to have trouble forcing the words out of his mouth, like they were poisonous to his tongue.

"His parents found out about his relationship with some girl, named Alma. I vaguely remember her as a kid; real cute, but she didn't live near our wealthy neighborhood. At any rate, he was supposed to be married off, and they didn't give a shit about his feelings towards her. The girl, they," Lavi gripped the wheel tighter, "somehow they got in cahoots with the Earl, or so Kanda said. He watched her be shot down by an akuma, and then he told me that he grabbed his sword and ran."

"An arranged marriage? Isn't that only for people seriously high up on the social ladder?"

"They owned some big company, I think; all I know is that a lot of money ran through their hands. His parents were supporters of the Order, working with the Earl; he had enough of a reason to leave home. I don't know the details, but I know he watched her die, and that alone fuels everything he does. It was real bad at first, when he decided to stick around town. They let him join the school, and he actually went to classes as if he had nothing better to do. He'd forget to eat, wouldn't talk; Lenalee was the only one who got him to do anything. All he was doing, we figured out, was organizing a movement against the Order. Spending all night out killing demons and people alike.

"But recently, the kid I grew up with has started to come back," A couple of tears were dripping from his eyes and he tried to focus on the road. Lavi hadn't told anyone, Allen assumed; not even Lenalee.

"Lavi, it's because you and Lenalee care so much," Allen said softly while putting a hand on his shoulder.

"You just don't get it, Allen. Sure, we taught him how to function like a human being, but you're the one who's bringing him back."

"I'm not much more than a freakshow he likes to argue with," Allen muttered.

"Don't go saying shit like that!" Allen yelped as the car came to a sudden stop and Lavi looked over at him fiercely.

"I don't care about anything that's happened in your past Allen. I don't care about your hair or your eye. I don't want to pretend to know you, because I don't. But don't think for one second that I think any less of you because of your past! Don't just pass yourself off like that!" Allen was wide-eyed and a bit frightened, but Lavi calmed down and continued driving.

"Sorry, I'm not usually like this. I'm just on edge, I guess. But you'll have to get more answers from Kanda," Lavi finally said while wiping at the corners of his eyes.

"L-Lavi," Allen said, unsure how to respond.

"Let's all just stick together, right!" Lavi said cheerfully. Allen gave a halfhearted nod.

_I have to go._

* * *

><p>"Damn it, Tim!" Allen yelled as he gripped the sink. He had to go; he needed to go. He wouldn't make it here. Was this running away or moving forward?<em> Stop trying to talk yourself out of it.<em>

He looked at his reflection again and made sure the make-up covered up his scar. If he started crying again, he'd have to do it over. The golden golem was fluttering in the reflection behind him, reminding him that he was wasting time.

He wondered if he should've said a proper goodbye before he left as he briskly walked down the darkened streets._ No,_ he decided_, that would just make this worse. _

He admired the dirty streets he'd spent the last couple of months wandering around on, knowing he'd never see them again. His suitcase was small but heavy, causing him to sway a bit as he made his way towards the back alley. Anita's bar was in the roughest part of town, but for a good reason; nothing she did was legal or moral. The perfect place for his ending.

Snooping out the area before approaching, he immediately realized there was something wrong with Anita's place. Instead of the bustling nightclub it usually was, the neon lights were off and there was only dim lighting inside. Was there a raid? _No, Anita had too many connections to get caught so easily. _Allen wondered if she was tangled in the web of the Order that this town seemed to be so wrapped up in; it would only make sense. _Why would Cross move here?_

He noticed the spies settled around the building, one on the roof and two in front of the doors. Before they could spot him, he jumped back into the shadows of an alleyway. They weren't Noah, and he knew Kanda was back in his dorm, exhausted from fighting with Lenalee. She slammed his car door and went running off in an angry and teary-eyed huff the second they made it back on campus. Lavi was kind enough to bring her stuff by later, but she slammed the door in his face too. After saying thank you. Allen was at a loss as to what was going on between her and Kanda, but it didn't really matter now. He wasn't going to see them again, and needed to stop thinking of them altogether.

So that made these people Order personnel by process of elimination. He bit his bottom lip in apprehension and mulled over what to do now.

"Boy."

Allen stiffened up at the voice and started running in the opposite direction, shoes splashing in the puddles of murky water. _Not good, not good, not good._ Apparently he'd picked the wrong night to make his escape; everyone was attracted to the building for no apparent reason. After he'd finally gotten the courage to be on his way, it was dashed by all this stupid rivalry.

"Allen, wait! You haven't even heard-" _Nope._ Allen was running now, with Tim fluttering to catch up. He turned a corner and instantly regretted it, realizing that passing by walls was a bad idea.

A figure stepped out through the wall in front of him, and he slammed right into the other.

"Fancy meeting you here," he said and Allen pulled himself off of the stranger and stepped back. He dropped his small suitcase and began pulling at his glove; there was no way he was stopping here. Hopefully his innocence was still okay, even after the other night. He hadn't even looked at his arm, much less changed since last night; he couldn't seem to force himself to redress. These clothes smelled like roses.

Another figure from behind slammed his face into the brick with a well-aimed punch, and pinned his left arm behind his back, effectively rendering him useless.

"That's for blindsiding me in that alleyway," Devit grumbled. Allen tried to bring a leg up to kick behind him but Devit pulled at his arm until it nearly popped at the joint. He shrieked out in pain and Devit started laughing while pulling harder. He heard a smack and Devit cried out in pain while Tyki shot him an accusatory glare.

"Allen, Allen, calm down already. We aren't here to fight," Tyki said as he propped himself against the wall.

"Then why is he holding me down?" Allen hissed with his head pressed against the brick.

"To be fair, you were about to attack us," he pointed out.

"What could you possibly want?" Tyki and Devit shared a worried glance; apparently there was some issue they couldn't work out.

Devit sighed and let go of Allen's arm. He brushed his cheek off from where he'd gotten scraped by the brick and glared at the two. With a sheepish grin, Devit said, "It's a really long story, and we can't exactly stay out here. You mind coming with us to a-"

"No," Allen replied while trying to figure out the best way out of this. If he could avoid these two, and then get on a bus, he could figure it out from there. Getting out of town was the priority, even if Anita's method would be out of the question for a couple of days.

"I hate to be pushy, but you really don't have a choice in the matter," Tyki said, and before Allen could protest Devit covered his face with a rag. He struggled in a violent manner, causing Devit to curse but not let go.

"Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Devit said while laughing. _You've got to be kidding me,_ was Allen's last, hazy thought.

* * *

><p>"Why's he got his scar covered? And what was he doin' in this part of town?" Allen cracked an eye open and saw Tyki smoking while debating with Devit.<p>

"Hiya Allen! Long time no see!" Allen yelped when Wisely suddenly appeared, a couple of inches away from his face.

"Untie me!" Allen yelled while struggling with his hands tied to the back of the chair he was in. He looked around and realized they were in a dingy apartment, still in the same part of town. He recognized this motel with vague disgust.

"You've only been out for about an hour. We paid the motel guy to not care about us dragging your unconscious body in; he said he'd know your face anywhere," Tyki murmured while smirking at Allen.

"When are you guys going to learn to mind your own business?"

"So feisty all of a sudden," Tyki said, a little surprised at Allen's surly tone, "I like it."

"Not the time, Tyki," Devit said in a disgusted tone. Allen stared blankly and waited for someone to tell him what was going on.

"Oh! The thing is, the Order is occupying that sleazy bar, and they've got Jasdero trapped in there," Wisely said. _Is this the "business" they called me about on Christmas?_

"And I'm involved because?"

"Antimatter traps. I hate to say it, but the Order's really been stepping up their game. If a Noah steps in there, they're worthless," Tyki murmured while blowing out smoke.

"So we're gonna use it to our advantage! If we send in someone who looks like a Noah, they won't suspect a thing and will be off guard. All you've gotta do is jump in, head for the basement, and grab Jasdero. The second you're out we can handle the rest," Wisely said.

"Why me? Wait, dress me up as a Noah?!"

"We don't really have anyone else to ask. Look, I know you're in the business of disappearing, right? You do this for us, and I'll sweep out all the memories of you from the Chinese girl, pirate boy, and angry samurai. They won't remember a thing. I'll even throw in a week's head start before we come chasing after you; it'll probably take us years to find you with how thorough that bitch is," Wisely said in reference to Anita. Apparently he hadn't gotten names down, but Allen was impressed nonetheless; he'd been sifting through Allen's recent thoughts before the incident.

The idea of everyone forgetting him stung. _But it's what I want, right?_ He needed to leave them all in the dust of the receding train tracks; he didn't have time to play the sentimental victim. He was the devil incarnate, stirring up trouble wherever he went. For once, this was a town he didn't want to lay waste to, the way Cross and he ducked out of places without looking back. The way he abused the streets and pubs of London without looking back.

He wanted to look back, and not have anyone staring back into the abyss he'd created within himself. He would keep going, killing akuma until one got to him first. The demons were the only thing he had left for him, since he no longer had the ability to save people. In retrospect, he never did.

"Fine," Allen replied. "Why do they have Jasdero captive, anyway?"

"I'm guessing it's some sort of message they're trying to get across; you're going to have to be careful with your words. The amount of manpower means someone important is in there; focus on getting in and getting out. I'll put this on," Tyki clipped a golden earring onto his left ear, "and it'll work like a constant microphone. We'll be your outside eyes and ears, and you'll figure out what's going on inside."

Devit started untying the knots around his wrists and Allen shook out his hands where the ropes left burns.

"So," Devit cracked open a giant case, "Let's get started, shall we?" Allen was horrified; they couldn't be planning-?

Wisely fell out of his chair laughing at the look on Allen's face and Tyki said, "I'm sure you'll make a charming Devit."

"I've changed my mind," Allen said hastily as Devit started chasing after him with eyeliner.

"Stop running or I'll make Tyki hold you down!" Allen shrieked as he tripped over a table and Devit got the upper hand.

"You're going to smudge the eyeliner if you don't stay put!" Devit managed to pin him down and Allen cursed as the black substance got in the corner of his eye. Reluctantly, he gave in and let himself be led to the mirror.

"How do you do this every day?" Allen muttered as Devit applied a thick black line across his left eye and dragged the black crayon halfway down his face. He moved onto the other eye and started steadily caking it on across the bottom of his eye.

"No talking, 'ya idiot! You'll mess it up!" He snapped, and Allen rolled his eyes.

"So, uh, Allen, while you were out, we took the personal liberty to, uh," Wisely sounded particularly ashamed, "go through your suitcase."

"Are you kidding me?" Allen yelled, receiving a smack across the head for talking.

"Mind explaining how you got ten grand in cash?" Allen fell silent. He'd been on a bit of a card-winning streak at the pubs around here, and why not go out with a bang? Who knows if Anita charged for her services or not.

"Where'd you get this fancy gun, too?" Wisely said. Allen saw him messing with it out of the corner of his eye and realized Cross's thin cover could easily blow over.

"The cash isn't your business. And I found the gun in the wreckage of the house," Allen muttered. Wisely started fooling with the trigger and everyone in the room yelled at him.

"Doesn't even work," Wisely said as he pulled the trigger a couple of times, hearing nothing but an empty click.

"You probably aren't using it right, 'ya dolt." Devit finished up the corner of Allen's eye, wiping off some of the stray marks with spit, much to Allen's dismay. He picked up the gun and inspected it, pulled the trigger once or twice, then looked back over at Allen.

"There isn't even a slot to load it; just a funnel at the bottom. You sure this is even a gun?"

Wisely suddenly had an epiphany and tore the gun out of Devit's hand, placing it in Allen's left hand. Before Allen could ask what was going on, Wisely pulled an uneasy finger on the trigger and suddenly a burst of light shot out from the barrel, causing an explosion in the dingy motel room.

"What the hell did you do?!" Devit cried while jumping back. He'd narrowly dodged Wisely's accidental aim at him, and Wisely sent a mock apology his way.

"Ah! That makes sense; it was Cross's gun, after all. It runs on innocence, but made so that any innocence will do," Tyki said, not even bothered by the explosion.

"After a couple of tries, you'll probably be able to control how strong the shots are, too. Great, now you can really be Devit!"

"Except for your clothes. Imagine if Devit went running around in such a nice get up, cute bow and all," Wisely said with amusement, and Devit spat onto the carpet at the thought of it.

"Well they've got to switch outfits, so I guess there really isn't much for the imagination," Tyki said and looked too happy at Allen's paling face.

The right side of his pants was mere stitches, running all the way up to his belt, and the left side left nothing to the imagination either; it was cut so short that even strippers had nothing on this guy. A garter beneath the short half held a slot for his gun, which Allen regrettably noticed would fit the one he'd borrowed from Cross. Along with the gaudy tank top and heavy jacket, Allen could honestly say he wouldn't be caught dead in that outfit.

However, after ten minutes of struggling into the tight pants and gathering up the courage, he stepped out of the bathroom only to meet a bright flash.

"Why you- Delete it, now!" Allen yelled as Wisely shamelessly held up his camera phone.

"I promised Road!" Wisely yelled as Allen chased him around the room. He didn't sound the least bit sorry and Allen was madly blushing at the thought of anyone seeing him like this.

"How the hell do you wear all this stuffy clothing, 'ya freak!" Devit said as he struggled with the collar on the shirt as if it was suffocating him. Allen grabbed Wisely's scarf and yanked him backwards, but it was too late; the phone was locked.

"Give it up already, Allen. You look way better than you usually do in that gentleman crap, anyway. You're just lucky I wear gloves to help my aim; can't let the sweat unsteady my grip. Those boots are steel enforced on the toe and heel-side; a swift kick straight up the middle will send anyone cryin' home to their mommy," Devit replied haughtily.

Wisely came over and pulled all of Allen's unruly white locks into a beanie, leaving extra fabric hanging off the back. Then he pulled the hood of the parka up over the hat, covering up all of his trademark hair.

"Now, no more gentleman talk. You're a street rat, angry and reckless, stupid and careless, cursing and-"

"Shut the hell up, would you?" Devit yelled and pointed his gun in Wisely's direction.

"Don't worry about that," Allen said with a devilish grin, "I'll be just fine."

* * *

><p>"'The fuck out of my way!" Allen yelled and swiftly ran to face the two men standing in front of the bar doorway. They seemed unimpressed and lazily raised their guns, especially since he was already in the boundaries of no return for Noah, but Allen followed Devit's advice and kicked the first guard he approached swiftly up the middle. He loudly groaned, and as his balance faltered Allen kicked like a soccer goalie at his heels, sending him into a crash landing with the cement.<p>

The other man cursed him out and threw a punch, which Allen slid to the left of with the slight tilt of his head. "Pathetic," he murmured when he saw the man's dumbfounded expression. His reckless swing at Allen left him wide open, and Allen used this advantage to slip in closer and punch him square in the jaw. Raising a deadly boot at the dazed man, he kicked him square in the stomach and blew him back.

He really needed to get a pair of these boots himself.

From afar, the three Noah shared skeptical and unsure glances; Allen was a little too good at this.

Kicking down the doors, he soon realized that he'd gained way too much unwanted attention and dove into a graceful roll out of the way of an onslaught of bullets. He instinctively grabbed the gun out of the garter and made sure not to shoot directly at anyone; he wasn't looking to kill anyone. Just stun them and be on his way.

"It's a Noah! Shoot him down!" _This is so embarrassing,_ he thought miserably when he noticed the perverse looks he was getting._  
><em>

This was the upper floor of Anita's club, with a large dance floor spread out in front of him and a stage and bar off to the left. The usual booming music and vibrant, multicolored lights were gone, leaving only a couple burnt out and dim warehouse lights from the top of the building. The staff door was unfortunately across the wide-open space, giving him no shelter like the tables he had at the moment to use as shields.

He peeked over the table he was braced against and shot a few stray bullets; the gun seemed to know where he wanted to shoot, and aim wasn't even a part of the equation.

"Damn it, I thought they said he'd be incapacitated? He's just as strong as ever!"

_Was Anita a hostage or an aid?_ Allen wondered as he zigzagged his way across the floor with bullets at his heels. One scuffed his shoulder, but he was able to kick down the door and start descending the stairs before anyone got close enough to get a better shot. Occasionally he threw a few stray shots behind him, just to scare his attackers more than anything else.

_A bunch of incompetent morons, _Allen thought as he heard them all in a bewildered argument as they chased him down the stairs. It didn't take long until he was facing a pair of double doors that led down to a furnished basement; the furnishings being mostly alcohol and a private bar, along with a couple plush couches. Cross had been down here many times, and Allen reluctantly dragged along for some undeserved emotional scarring.

Like a classic mafia setting, Jasdero was tied to a chair in the center of the room, with Anita lounging on a couch in the back and some official looking men standing by. How cliché.

"Devit! You came to my rescue!" Allen looked around obliviously for a split second before realizing that either his outfit was flawless or Jasdero was a bigger idiot than he thought.

_Wisely speaking. Confirmation on Jasdero's voice. How deep are you, Allen? Over and Out._

Allen would have to talk to them by incorporating it into regular conversation. He looked to his left and noticed two apprehensive people, both clad in black jackets.

"I see you brought some shitty exorcists along to greet me, eh?" Allen said and put his hands on his hips.

"I was truly hoping a more competent Noah would find his or her way down here," someone said in a disappointed tone_. Yeah, you and me both. _

_Tyki speaking. Two exorcists? Who else, Allen?_ Allen really wished he could tell them to quit introducing themselves over the line.

The man in question stood up from the couch and Allen raised his gun, knowing that it was just about the only leverage he had. Undisturbed, the towering figure of the man took a couple haughty steps forward until he was standing next to the chair Jasdero was attached to.

"Nice 'stash; did 'ya steal it right out of World War Two?" Allen mocked to try to cut the tension. It was only then did he realize that the man had a shadow in the shape of a very pissed-off blonde associate.

"You got something to say, pimple face?" His face contorted with anger and his lips were a thin white line, but he didn't act on his anger and accompanied the other side of Jasdero.

"I'm here to settle a business deal, not put up with your childish antics. I think your sister would appreciate it," the emotionless blonde man pulled out a knife from beneath his sleeve and lined it up with Jasdero's throat, "if we just got this over with."

"I ain't a girl, Leverrier! How many fuckin' times do I have to-" Jasdero's rant was cut off by the bite of the blade.

_Leverrier? Shit, Allen! Not good, not good- _There was a lot of arguing, creating a buzz in his ear.

"Do you think a Noah can come back from its head being torn off? Because that's something I'd like to see," he said while pulling Jasdero's hair. Jasdero looked disgusted and shirked away from his touch while shooting a pleading glance in Allen's direction.

Leverrier. Allen was terror-stricken at the name, and oh God, he recognized that face anywhere. He'd seen him once, but once was enough.

"Bastard," Allen spat as anger took over his rational thought. The man seemed amused that he finally got a rise out of Allen, but the blonde one was wary.

_Get out, Allen. This isn't something you can handle._

"The Earl needs to pay up, now and not later. We'll take our payment in blood if we have to," the blonde one finally said. He was strict and had a dodgy look in his eyes; Allen wasn't sure how happy he was to press his blade against a Noah.

"Told you already, we don't make deals with dogs!" Jasdero snapped.

"We only need one Noah, and we currently have two. Do the math," a gruff man said from the corner of the room. Allen shot Jasdero a stern look of _shut the hell up_ and then focused back on the two men.

"Take the Earl up on it, I ain't involved," Allen grumbled. Mostly true, but also he needed to play dumb. He wanted to ask what kind of business it was, but felt like asking was a bad idea.

_Allen, this is Wisely. Get your ass out of there. Over and out. _Stop it with the over and out crap!

"See, we've tried, but he seems to be missing. Now, why's it that we can never find the man around the time it comes to settle deals?"

"He's on his honeymoon," Allen replied with a sweet grin. He heard the click of a gun behind him and glanced over his shoulder at one of the angry exorcists. With shaky hands, one cocked a gun at him and had a furious glare in his eyes.

_Allen, if you can't escape, go peacefully. They won't kill you. We'll find another plan to break you out._

"Shoot, 'ya worm," Allen spat in his direction. He flinched and the gun trembled, before he dropped it. Being a Noah won some serious respect.

_Allen! I'm serious! _Ignoring Tyki would no doubt stir up some unnecessary conflict; but he wasn't about to give in here.

"Call off your dogs if you want to chat, Leverrier," Allen replied when he looked back over at the pair.

"See, I'm not looking to chat. Pay up or he loses his head."

"Pay up with what? A military salute and my undying loyalty to your fascist regime?"

Jasdero cried out in pain and Allen forgot to uphold his aloofness, raising his gun in the knife-wielders face.

"You owe us twenty, for the souls we collected," he said. _They were selling the Earl souls?_ Allen was beyond disgusted.

"Twenty what? Grand? You're doin' business with the Noah for chump change?" _People's lives are worth that much to you? _His anger was spiraling out of control.

Leverrier laughed, and then replied, "Doing business with you isn't worth any amount of cash. I'm growing quite bored of your banter; the twenty specimen of innocence we were promised. The Earl already showed me them before the deal, so unless you destroyed them, they're still with the Noah. I don't see why we have to go to such lengths for something that's so useless for you." His tone was straight whiskey, foul and burly. He was intimidating with a false sense of security in his voice; Allen understood why people followed this man. You either tread lightly or get squashed. But Allen would do neither.

"You're trading innocence," Allen was talking slow and his voice was thick with rage, "for people's lives?"

He glared back at the two cowering exorcists, "You're okay with willingly watching this man kill people and do business with people like me?"

"We only take the lives of the damned and criminals, so," the woman's voice was shaky and she was obviously out of her league, "it's not so bad."

"Not so bad?!"

_Allen, cool it. This is the first we're hearing of it, too. Say we'll send someone to personally drop it by tomorrow. _

Allen looked back over at the slightly disturbed pair. "Why's she here?" Allen said while pointing his gun at the woman lounging on the couch.

"I have something to ask of the tall, suave Noah. About our earlier conversation," she murmured while throwing an innocent smile Allen's way. She even winked, and Allen paled. _Does she know I'm not Devit?_

"Fine. I'll send someone over with the shit you need tomorrow," Allen said in a faltering voice.

"Not good enough."

Allen was afraid of that; there was no way he was escaping with such a warm farewell. "Stay out of this, braille forehead!"

"I'll be keeping Jasdero as collateral property, I'm sure you can understand. In fact," Allen heard movement behind him but stayed focused on Leverrier, "I'm sure that wire you're wearing heard me clearly enough. We'll get rid of the useless girl and take Devit hostage." With the snap of his fingers, Allen ducked beneath a bullet heading for the small of his back.

Apparently that asshole got up the gall to shoot, but Allen made sure to kick the chair over with him so that the bullet didn't hit Jasdero. Allen shot out plumes of green smoke at the roof from his position on the floor, mostly innocence based. Using the cover to flawlessly untangle the ropes around Jasdero's ankles and wrists, Jasdero managed to writhe free of the chair's grasp. It was strange how pale his skin was; apparently the Noah power was completely useless in here, but he looked sickly rather than powerless.

"Do you two really think you can escape? You're not even up to par with regular humans, much less our exorcists!"

_Allen! What's going on?_

"I'm too weak to walk, damn it, damn it, damn it!" Jasdero yelled while firing off blanks from his useless gun. Without his power, he had no bullets, and sitting in this antimatter trap house for a couple of days sucked all the strength out of him.

"How are you getting your gun to work?" Jasdero cried as Allen pulled them behind a wine case and started firing at Levierrer instead of the exorcist lost in the dust. The one called Link easily deflected them, but his trained senses immediately realized it; these weren't normal bullets.

They made eye contact from across the battlefield and his eyes were wide while mouthing the word innocence.

"We've got to go!" Allen yelled and pulled Jasdero up on his back. _Man, he is heavy._

_Shit, man! The renegades came out of nowhere and are pouring kerosene all over the building! _

"Is that Wisely in your earphone? Wait, what?!"

"Can't you stop them? We're stuck in this basement!" Allen yelled back while ducking beneath two more bullets.

"That Noah is dead weight; you could hold your own before, but now? You'll be dead within minutes."

When Allen was busy sparring with Link, the woman exorcist snuck up behind him. He only heard the sound of Jasdero's gun collide with her head, and then the thump of an unconscious body.

"I owe you," Allen muttered as he threw a punch straight between the man's eyes. He saw it coming, and with Allen's slowed down actions, easily threw him off-balance with a responding jab.

Wishing he could pass the gun off to Jasdero and fight this man with his innocence, Allen grimaced at how sorely he was losing. He didn't have to strength or speed to combat this man while holding up and shielding the Noah. A sharp blade bit into his side after an unlucky dodge, and a splatter of red coated his clothes. The man was surprised to see the blood, just as he was the innocence, and gave Allen a confused look. The Noah don't bleed such a rich red, or cut so easily.

"Who are you?" He whispered fiercely while looking at his bloody knife. Allen took his momentary confusion to land a solid kick with the steel heel of the boot, combining it with a close quarter shot of innocence. The man flew backward, and Allen's hand fell onto the knob leading to the stairwell. The metal knob singed his hand through the glove, as if to warm him of what was blazing outside.

A bright flash of red filled up the smoky room and the loud beeping was unmistakable. _Fire alarm._ Remembering Wisely's words, Allen wondered how bad the fire was at this point.

"A fire?" Levierrer said while looking accusingly in Allen's direction.

Link managed to pull himself up and warily looked over at Allen before talking into a wire he had in his coat, too. "Renegades outside, about four. The upper floor is in flames: 34% survival rate through stairwell route."

Anita sat up from her position on the couch, tucking in her robe to be more modest. Allen realized that she was merely a watcher; she wasn't afraid, or on anyone's side really. She was searching for something, and the determined look she kept meant the woman he knew was there. He'd ask her for answers one day, since she'd already seen through his disguise. Looking back, he remembered the first time he met her; she complimented his eyes.

The strange look Link reserved when he looked at Leverrier meant something, too; the Order was filled with snakes.

Spurred on by the buzzing in his ear and Jasdero's cries, he kicked open the door and climbed up the smoke-filled stairwell. All the men that had chased him were long gone, and the curling, black tar was abruptly cutting off his supply of oxygen. He couldn't see very well and his vision was divided into two different settings; it was either a bright flickering orange in every direction or hazy smog above. The walls crumbled to nothing but firewood and seemed to close in on the two residents.

"We're so dead, Devit! There's no escape!" No one else was coming up the stairwell; he wondered if there was a second escape route down there, or if the fire door would keep the pursuers safe in the basement.

_Reply…. where?... Allen!_

Allen was stumbling in circles now, and Jasdero hopped off his back to help him look around. "It's over!" Jasdero cried in despair and started violently coughing. There was a loud crack, and Allen looked up.

"The roof," he murmured absent-mindedly as he watched the fire slowly chew on the roof and foundation. He closed his eyes, red with pain from the stinging air, and coughed until he'd replaced the old smoke in his lungs with brand new, velvet curls of cancer.

Jasdero tugged the earring off and started yelling frantically into it, but there was only a dull buzzing.

"Devit, if we aren't Noah right now, then we're really going to die!"

"It's not Devit," Allen said weakly and laughed. "I'm Allen. The kid you tried to kill."

He ignored Jasdero's surprise and tripped over stray rubbish, falling to the ground in a dizzy haze. Jasdero crouched next to him, not faring well, but doing better than Allen.

Jasdero cupped Allen's face in his hand and yelled, "Kid! Allen, I mean! Don't pass out! Shoot something, or hire those guys who beat me up, or-"

"That guy stabbed me; tell Devit I'm sorry about the jacket I ripped," Allen said.

"How can I tell him if we die here?" He shrieked, but a crack from above cut off their argument.

"The roof," Allen gasped as he heard a deafening lurch of the building.

"It's gonna collapse, isn't it!" _Going to_ was the wrong verb, as the building tore itself apart and collapsed in. The roof gave an unholy creak of wood and fire as it came crashing down on them, and Jasdero gripped Allen while crying out.

Allen winced the second before it hit them and waited for impact. He somewhat expected this to be a suicide mission, but things only became real in the split second before they happen. Being honest, he knew was probably going to meet his end within the next handful of days, anyway. It was either get killed by the Noah or tracked down by the Order, or even the off-chance of getting possessed. It didn't matter how, it was just a matter of when; this was later than he expected, anyway.

He was grateful for having met these people before he died. Even Wisely, Road, and the rest of the stupid Noah. Especially Kanda, Lavi, and Lenalee; those three didn't have to forget him now.

Being remembered was a strange sentiment; everyone just expects others to remember their birthdays, likes, dislikes, and moods. No one would've remembered Allen until now; Mana was long dead, and he didn't exist on the Order files. His existence was merely taking up space until now.

_It's okay,_ he thought._ It's okay to die here._

"W-What the hell?"

Allen's eyes fluttered open just after he made his peace, and he jumped up in surprise too; a white cape made a fort above he and Jasdero, protecting them from the caved in roof. Piled up, flaming wood and steel surrounded them, but this white cloth seemed to encapsulate them in safety.

"What is it?" Jasdero said while poking the white shield. Allen touched it, and it felt so familiar; it felt like his innocence. Strong and sturdy, it only mimicked cloth in appearance.

"Is this my innocence?" Allen questioned. The object seemed to animate when Allen said the word innocence, and covered him like a long coat. It was weightless and ethereal; he felt a strange calmness where it brushed his skin.

Jasdero coughed and replied, "It's taken a liking to you, whatever the hell it is. You think we can get out somehow?"

Allen realized there was a mask resting around his neck and nodded at Jasdero. He looked down at the boots and prayed they held up. "Come in close," Allen said and Jasdero reluctantly climbed back on Allen, underneath the coat.

While putting the mask on, Allen said, "Innocence, activate!"

There was a bright flash, and Allen walked straight into the flames, much to Jasdero's protests and shrieks in his ear. The coat came in close, covering all but the boots. Allen laughed when he realized how easy it was to step right through the fire and started doing acrobatic stunts around the different burning obstacles.

"Just get us the fuck outta here already and stop messin' around!" Jasdero yelled. Suddenly there was a weak wall in front of them, and Allen could tell where the doors he'd kicked in upon entrance were. He sauntered out of the flames, only to enter a battle-strewn street.

_-Allen! Jasdero! Answer me! _

_Wait; is that white thing you two?_

"Backup would be great!" Allen yelled back as a couple of fighters immediately noticed him. It was a good thing his innocence was shielding him; he'd be shot three times over without its protection.

"Devit won't take lightly to you messing with his favorite outfit." Allen swiveled around and saw Tyki grinning at him.

"Shit," Allen yelled when he noticed a bullet headed towards Wisely, who was scampering off the battlefield. Like an extension of his hand, a white ribbon shot out and stopped the bullet before it went clean through the back of his head. Wisely sat with his mouth hanging out for a few moments while staring in Allen's direction. He looked down at his hand in wonder_; how did I do that?_

"Do you ever know what you're doing, or is it all just dumb luck?" Tyki said while pulling Allen out of the line of fire.

"Go; meet Devit and Wisely at the motel," Tyki said while looking at Jasdero. Allen hadn't noticed, but he'd passed out on his back. "We waited too long to strike and left him in there too long; it'll be a while till he recovers. Go, Allen."

Allen fought his way through the alleys and felt a heavy with the burden of his actions; he was helping out Noah. Murderers, killers, destroyers of souls; he signed up to save someone who shot him. What side did he belong to?

* * *

><p>"What do you mean,<em> 'Accidentally set it on fire'<em>?" Kanda was slamming everything in his path as he fumbled to get ready. He showed the door no mercy as he ran down the halls and descended the stairs while gripping his sword with white knuckles.

"It doesn't matter if there was an illegal trade going on, we didn't-don't have the forces!" Kanda yelled into the phone. He was running to the scene of where some idiot subordinates took it upon them to set Anita's building on fire, without informing anyone else. They really couldn't afford to lose another group, even if they were reckless dumbasses, and he had to go play clean up.

"Levierrer? You sure he was there?" Kanda could see the smoke and flames now; this was a royal mess.

He snapped the phone shut and ran over to the one he was talking to on the phone, hiding in the shadows of the burning building.

"Marie," Kanda breathed out as he watched each side try to gun the other down, "What's the status?"

"They won't leave the battlefield; we had a visual on Miss Anita leaving in a cab heading north and Levierrer plus two accompaniments heading in the same direction. The one who goes by Link stayed behind, and is just staring into the blaze like he left something important in there."

Kanda wasn't particularly interested in the blonde man, but was surprised when he made eye contact; he was aware of everything in the street and near the building. Even aware enough to notice Kanda's appearance on the scene.

This is a mess, Kanda thought as he watched the flames lick at the starry sky above. Any cars left on the street were embroidered with bullet holes and there were a couple of limp bodies on the ground.

"What about the police?"

"This is just a turf war to the onlooker; no one is going to make the call. We have to get everyone back before the fire spreads, though."

"Shit, they'll all piss themselves and run home if I go out there," Kanda said and unsheathed his sword. Unruly soldiers meant a worthless cause, and with Kanda being such a high-ranking officer, no one would defy him.

There was a hand on his shoulder and Marie pointed into the blaze. "There. There's something moving; it's what Link is after. We need to wait and assess the situation."

"What is it, a tank? Anyone would've burnt up in the fire. We're wasting time," Kanda replied. He stopped in his tracks, however, when he watched a figure cloaked in white saunter out of the fire like Jesus on water.

He looked over at Marie, who started yelling into a golem immediately and asking for details.

"Noah," Kanda hissed as he saw Tyki approach the figure.

"It's innocence," Marie gasped. Kanda shot him a glance that meant he didn't believe a word coming out of his mouth.

"Innocence and Noah don't mix," Kanda said while narrowing his eyes. The white figure suddenly shot out a ribbon and Kanda noticed Wisely's short figure out in the open, barely saved from a stray bullet. _What the hell were they thinking?_

"I'm going after it," Kanda said sternly.

"Wait, you don't even know what it is! Who is going to bring the forces back?" Kanda didn't reply and walked into the center of the street.

"If you don't want your worthless head sliced clean off your body, assume Retreat Form B and get your sorry asses out of here! By the time you're back at base, maybe I'll decide whether or not to set _that_ building on fire!" Most of his soldiers stopped at the very sight of him, the others stopped at his words. Either way, they split off into two main groups with injured in the middle of the formation and capable on the outside. "Move it!"

He saw a flicker of white disappear down the alleyway. "I'm going after it, Marie!"

"Wait, Kanda!"

Something about the clown-like figure bothered him; _he wasn't letting this go._

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks thanks thanks for the support as always! <strong>

**What will the confrontation between Allen and Kanda be? Will he recognize him, or worse, will they be forced to fight? **


	17. Before You Jump To Conclusions, Don't

He wasn't sure if this was what you would call fate; no, it was more irony than anything else. A twisted, sick sense of irony.

The park in his old neighborhood was to the left; this was the street he found Kanda on when they first met, and Allen was masquerading as his attacker in a white cloak. The role reversal of the scene made Kanda the attacker, and the make-up smeared Allen as Devit as the victim. Refusing to fight back, he'd easily been cornered by Kanda. He'd only made it this far because of the stray shots of innocence he threw behind him, but the rebound he'd failed to notice came back in full force.

Every time he shot the gun, more of his innocence was used. Eventually, there would be nothing left to shoot.

Rattling the gun off with reckless abandon back in the building drained him to the point; if he fired another bullet, the remaining innocence in the cloak surrounding him would collapse.

He dropped Jasdero off a little ways away once he regained consciousness; if anything, he could escape. Kanda barely even noticed his exit and didn't go after him, no, he was only fixed on Allen.

Allen was on the other end of Kanda's double-edged sword, hanging onto the last shreds of his fake identity.

"Lost your nerve to fight? I'll only as once more; who are you?!" Allen couldn't respond, even his voice could betray his identity. He hissed as Kanda's sword easily sliced past the cape and bit beneath his rib cage, next to the passing gift Link already left earlier.

Kanda grabbed him by the neck and threw him against the brick wall. "You're going to die here, you know that? It doesn't matter who you are, or which side you're with; I don't care. I just want to see your lifeless corpse."

Kanda's eyes were hollow with murderous intent, and Allen's throat was slowly closing in on itself. He hadn't seen that look before. Sure, Kanda could get scary when he was angry, but his eyes were empty of anger. He was in a different frame of mind, one that didn't distinguish right from wrong.

One that truly wanted Allen dead.

A shot when off from the side alley, and Kanda let up on the pressure around his neck. Both of them, stunned and suspicious, looked around for the third-party. Two more gunshots, and a cloud of purple smoke filled the entire street. Kanda let go of him completely and there was a thud on the ground in front of him. When Allen finally started to get oxygen back to his brain, he felt a rough hand pull him and noticed that Jasdero was up and walking.

"Relax, relax, and don't give me that look! I didn't shoot anything lethal; I just needed to knock that shitty exorcist off our trail. His vision worse than a single drunk's on this street!" Jasdero half-dragged-half-ran alongside Allen as they escaped.

"Get back here, you cross-dressing bastards!" Kanda's voice was carried away through the empty alleyways they were leaving behind.

"How are you okay? I mean, weren't you just knocked out?" Allen said as he regained his composure. The cape around him disappeared, meaning his innocence finally wore down to nothing.

"It's not like I was wounded or anything. Just needed to get out of that hellhole," Jasdero said and pulled Allen around behind the motel. Wisely waved them in through an open window, and Allen climbed in with no grace, knocking over anything and everything near the window.

There was an undisturbed silence as Jasdero and Allen caught their breath and listened to the sounds of passing footsteps; the streets were a mess of fighting and fire. In reverse order, as they tried to put out the pile of firewood that once was Anita's bar. Wisely tried to make conversation and ask what happened, but Allen only collapsed onto the dingy bed. Caring about Wisely's feelings wasn't on the agenda tonight.

"Hmm? What's your problem?" Wisely asked while trying to ignore Devit and Jasdero's teary and loud embrace.

"I didn't realize that gun used so much innocence," Allen replied weakly.

"And you overdid it," Wisely said in a sarcastic tone. "Shit, are you bleeding? Jasdero, why didn't you say something?!"

"I didn't know! Well, maybe I knew at one point, but I forgot! Why aren't you worried about my health, Wisely?"

Devit even looked alarmed and let go of Jasdero. "He saves your ass and you forget?!"

Wisely rolled his eyes at the twins argument and gingerly pulled off Allen's borrowed jacket. He hummed a little and then sent Allen a curious glance. "I don't remember it looking like that."

_What? _Allen sat up and looked down, with a yell that he couldn't stop before it escaped his lips.

"My arm," he gasped while looking at the blackened skin. The skin was no longer a port wine red, and instead was slate obsidian.

"Did you burn it? No, it's not even red anymore," Wisely said as he poked Allen's shoulder. There was a strange tattoo marking around the joint at his shoulder, etched in the same ink his arm was written in.

_The skin_, he thought,_ it looks a lot healthier. It's no longer rough and distorted, it's just… black. _He pulled at the skin on his forearm and realized it was elastic, unlike before.

"It looks a lot more fashionable," Devit said from afar.

"Is it even skin?"

"I think so. My innocence must have changed somehow," Allen murmured.

Wisely returned from the bathroom with a simple first aid kit and pulled off the bloodied tank top. "Allen wrecked your clothes, Devit."

"It's fine, I couldn't wear 'em after someone like him did." _Thanks._

He looked at his arm again, wondering if he were in some sort of dream; this hadn't happened before. It shouldn't even be possible; he must be delusional to be helping out the Noah in the first place.

"Wisely, listen," Allen said while he wrapped up the white gauze around his abdomen, "don't get rid of everyone's memories of me. Even if I leave, I think-"

"Oh, that? I was bluffing. I can't do that," Wisely said and laughed at the indignant glance Allen shot him. "So, what was up with the white cape?"

"Don't know," he said while trailing off. The way Kanda looked still haunted him. That was no delusion, no matter how hard he tried to re-imagine the scenario.

"We had to shoot down Kanda; half of those scrapes on him are from the stupid exorcist," Jasdero said when he noticed the look on Allen's face.

"Did he know it was you?" Wisely asked seriously and handed Allen back his clothes from Devit so they could swap.

"I don't think so," Allen muttered as he looked at his new blackened hand.

"Do you think he would've killed you anyways?"

* * *

><p><em>I should really stop doing this,<em> Allen thought as his door creaked open and he looked down the blackened halls.

_It's not safe; I'm going to get caught,_ he reminded himself as he looked at the dorm building he was running behind. The fence in front of him was warped by ivy and time; he'd found it a while back and used it as a perfect escape route.

_Who's going to be the one to catch me? _He looked up at the building across from the fence; all the lights were off, except for the one he had to be the most wary of.

Kanda always seems to be up later than everyone else. He'd never noticed it until now, but he often looked like he spent many nights sleepless. When he decided the coast was clear, he crossed through the grass and hopped over the fence. He watched the illuminated window and spied any signs of activity; it stayed bright and silent. With a sigh of relief, he walked away from the safety of campus and down the manicured sidewalk outside.

_But if I can't escape this town yet, I might as well train myself,_ he thought as he navigated the streets and winding alleyways.

_No, _he thought as he hopped yet another fence, reaching his destination_, it's not like I'm doing this to train. A part of me feels like I have to do this._

He looked around the graveyard, one he'd been visiting for the past two nights. The spiritual energy was much lower than it had been before; the first time he passed by this graveyard, he nearly threw up from the sheer noise and feelings it radiated. Most of the graves had fallen silent as he saved the trapped souls and fought the nasty demons, but he could sense a heavy presence near the back.

_Two weeks; it's been two weeks since the incident with Anita. _He tapped certain graves making noise, and watched as the headstones illuminated in a soft green light. It didn't take much anymore for the souls to pass on; a simple touch from his left hand worked. The new innocence, deemed the Crowned Clown by the Noah and renegades who were searching for him, was much stronger than his original. He didn't mind the name; it suited him to be called a clown.

Finally reaching the back of the graveyard, the last part he needed to clear before he had to switch to a new site, he tried to pinpoint the location of the heavy energy.

"Idiot," he hissed to himself when the ground beneath him fissured and he barely evaded a demon crawling from a concealed grave.

This demon would've taken no sweat if he'd finished it off with his claw innocence, but he'd recently been trying out new techniques. He tapped his left arm, and then pulled on his wrist until the skin disappeared and became the broadsword.

He dodged right when the gelatinous, bug-like akuma swung at him, swaying slightly from the added weight of the sword.

"Pitiful akuma," he said and pointed the sword at it, "let your soul be saved."

He jumped high into the crisp night air, with the aid of his cloak-like innocence, and pointed the sword downward when he was directly above the creature. Not giving it any time to escape, he thrust his sword through its head. His feet touched the rough soil and the monster split in two, both halves falling to the ground with heavy thumps. A few seconds later, and the pieces burst into a white light.

His eye started throbbing the second the other demon disappeared, and he looked around in a wild daze. _Something's here._

This was strong a strong energy, much stronger than any level two put off. His cloak reacted before he could, throwing up a shield between him and a sharp blast from a demon behind him.

"Slow timing, exorcist," the creature mused._ A level two? No, it's too strong._

The generic body type of the akuma indicated it was a level three, one he hadn't successfully fought yet. He had to make a hasty retreat the last time he ran into one of these; the pain from the soul's weeping was too much to handle._ I'm not backing down this time. The soul is in too much pain for me to be weak,_ he thought and pointed his sword in its direction.

"Oh? You want to battle?" He could hear the deafening cries and tried not to focus on the voice. _Please, don't run away! Destroy this monstrous shell; destroy me!_

"Your soul betrays you; I will put you out of your misery," Allen replied stoically. He could feel the blood dripping out of his eye but blinked it away.

The creature swung at Allen, but didn't leave the opening he was counting on and he barely avoided the attack that followed. He sidestepped behind it with his masked innocence as a decoy, and slashed the monsters back with the broadsword. He was getting better at attacking with the sword, instead of deftly swinging and hoping it would work out.

Using his protective innocence as a decoy definitely had its drawbacks, and he took a heavy hit when the sword left too little distance between him and the demon.

"Shit," Allen muttered as he watched blood well up from the gash in his shoulder.

"You shouldn't underestimate me like you do those other dumb akuma," the creature said with a haughty laugh.

"Crown belt!" The demon's eyes widened when it realized Allen's cowl was still behind it, and seven different sharpened, white spears impaled it from behind. Allen took this momentary opening and opted for his arm instead of the sword. He stepped forward and etched a cross on the chest of the akuma, saying a silent prayer to follow.

"Cross grave!" The area where the cross was drawn grew a bright white, and exploded in a cloud of innocence and smoke. When the white plumes of smoke died away, he saw the remnants of the soul left behind.

_Thank you, _the grotesque figure murmured. Allen smiled and nodded as it disappeared completely.

He fell to his knees in relief, and realized that the graveyard was empty now. He'd safely sent all the souls on from this area.

"What the hell am I doing anymore," Allen muttered as he looked at his shoulder and the empty graveyard. _Spending my nights in graveyards and killing demons, thats what I'm doing,_ he thought.

"Is simply living not enough for you?"

Allen flinched and then noticed an elderly looking ghost lying out on the grass next to him. He had a heavy coat on and a cane gripped in one hand. His hair was long gone and his eyes were sunken in, but he had a light in his eyes that almost made him look alive.

"You are lost, are you not? Run out of distractions in your life to avoid thinking about your true path?"

"I am lost," Allen admitted as he felt the silence settle in.

"That's not a bad thing," the ghost said with a loud laugh. "We spirits are thankful, at least. Exorcists have no time for saving us from the plague of demons and cursed existences. They care too much about the living these days, and that is only half of the job."

"You must be tired of waiting for someone to come save you," Allen said. He brought his left hand over to the ghost, and the other graciously accepted his handshake.

"A century of silence gave me time to think that I did not have before; I am grateful for this experience, as am I for the next. I think you will find the answers you seek when you no longer need them," the ghost murmured as it disappeared. _Thank you._

After a few moments, he picked himself off the ground and started the long trek back. Keeping his head down and appearance sheltered, he hopped back over the fence and noticed Kanda's light out. Recently there were some troubling developments; he'd seen the blonde man from Anita's bar hanging around campus. Whether he was on Kanda's trail or Allen's, his arrival was not a good thing.

In extreme, most likely unnecessary, precautions, he climbed up the fire escape and jumped in through a cracked window to the safety of his dorm. After treating his poor shoulder, he noticed all the scars he'd been acquiring from careless incidents._ Can't run around shirtless, _he thought with a laugh_, like I could in the first place._

He eyed his backpack in disgust before begrudgingly deciding that he needed to study. Before he dived into a world of horrifying calculus, he checked his phone.

**Missed call from: Kanda. **

His blood ran cold; there was absolutely no reason for him to call. Unless he noticed Allen leaving; maybe he hadn't been careful enough when he left. No, maybe Kanda passed by him in a graveyard. What if he recognized the innocence? Surely Allen would've seen him.

He was starting to become much more aware of everything around him; he could sense people even before they came up to him, could tell how they were feeling before they even talked, and knew who certain people were by their auras, not faces. He could tell where Lenalee, Kanda, and Lavi were and how they were feeling even if he wasn't in the same room, much less building, and it constantly worried him. So he would've definitely noticed his presence on the empty streets this night.

It'd been two whole weeks since the incident, a two weeks Allen spent on pins and needles when he was around Kanda.

They'd gradually shifted into the New Year, acquiring new classes and trying to tear apart grade reports for the last semester. At least, for Lavi.

Kanda was distant and barely attending class, but the more Allen asked around the less anyone seemed to know. Lenalee was still in an argument with him, meaning that the only intuition they had was a lost cause. It didn't matter; whenever Allen looked at him, he saw a flicker of the murderous intent before it was washed away with his usual apathy.

He'd prodded him about the night a couple of times, but nothing would resurface except for anger. He denied it happened, and Allen wished he could.

There was also a text from Kanda, saying nothing other than _"We newd to talk."_ The spelling error seemed strange, but then again the few texts he'd gotten from Kanda were pretty pitiful. Texting on a cracked screen probably didn't help the cause, either.

He redialed, only to hear Lavi's voice on the other end.

"Alleeeeen, why didn't 'ya pickup?" A hiccup and a couple of laughs.

"Why are you on Kanda's phone?" Lavi sounded confused, and then the phone shuffled.

"I guess I am, haha! Hey, listen, Allen, do you wanna come meet me and Kanda and some friends?"

"I'm pretty beat. Maybe next time," Allen said as he flipped the light switch and flopped down on his bed. The pair was probably so drunk already that he couldn't catch up by next week.

_"Is that my phone?"_ Allen distinctly heard Kanda's voice, and knew this conversation was over.

"Ay-okay Allen! I'm going to hold you to that next time promise! Yuu, I'm in an important business call and-"

_"Give it back, you-"_ The phone cut out.

He stared at the blank screen and mumbled, "What could Kanda want?"

_Did he know? No, he would've come over here himself, wouldn't he? _His thoughts raced like a murderer's did;_ what exactly did I do wrong?_

_You helped out the Noah,_ he remembered miserably. _But it seemed like the right thing to do at the time! _

"Timcampy," Allen murmured as a weight sunk into his pillow, "what really is the right thing to do these days?"

I am lost, he thought before sleep enveloped him. I am lost.

* * *

><p>After an unreasonable argument with Komui that went unheard, Allen was pushed out of the principal's office and into the gym. Maybe he could've won the argument if there was a class he could've switched into, but he wasn't allowed to retake languages. This truly was the only option.<p>

Apologizing to an authoritative gym teacher and ducking into a locker room behind the bleachers, he thanked Komui for keeping him so long. The room was empty, but he still gave a quick look in both of the rooms. Behind the locker room door was a hall that branched off into two rooms on the right. The showers and bathrooms were the farthest room down, and the closer room a couple of paces and a turn to the right were filled with lockers and unpleasant smells. It was so filthy he considered cleaning up for a moment.

_Coming in late,_ he decided while putting on a t-shirt, _that's my best option_. He could help clean up sports equipment after the bell and change in a stall when only a few stragglers were left in the changing room. He put on a windbreaker over the shirt and _accidentally_ left on his gloves, hoping that whatever excuse that came off the top of his head would suit any prying eyes.

The coach didn't even bother to ask, and instructed him to follow the others running laps around the track. Apparently someone already pulled a prank on the teacher, and they were running laps for the rest of the week._ Fine with me._

"Allen!" He slowed down his face and found that he was sharing the class with Lavi.

"I didn't know you were in gym," Lavi said as he forced Allen down to a slow jog. It was easy to tell Lavi wasn't trying; he could've lapped Allen if he'd felt like it.

"I didn't either."

"Hm? Did Komui mess with your schedule? Well, at least you got a class with Kanda and I!" Allen didn't even notice Kanda's presence, running much farther ahead of the curve. His face was pinched up in apprehension and he looked like he was straining himself; Allen didn't like the dark attitude he'd regained.

"I don't like it either, Allen," Lavi said when he followed Allen's gaze. "Something's been off, that's for sure. But it's none of our business, according to him."

"Lavi," Allen posed this question many times before, but never directly asked, "What exactly_ is_ your business? I mean, you seem to know as much as Lenalee and Kanda about the Order, but you aren't with them, are you?"

"I'm an independent party, technically speaking. I was with the Order, but when they started taking up innocence me and Gramps petitioned the Pope to keep ours in sake of our profession. So, yeah, I got to keep mine, but I'll only tell you what it is if you guess correctly!"

"Profession?" Allen questioned, ignoring his challenge. Lenalee would end up telling him anyway.

"Oh! Well, if I tell you, you probably won't believe me."

"Why's that?"

"It's a little far-fetched, I mean," he faltered under Allen's curious glance, "I record things. Everything. Well, not me, but I'm learning how to remember everything so that I can carry on the legacy."

Allen sent him a blank stare that meant he wasn't buying a word of this nonsense. "I swear this isn't a joke! We're called Bookmen, and we record history."

"Okay, Mr. Bookman, where does that put you in this situation?" Lavi shoved him at making fun of the informal title, and he just laughed in response.

"I'm not in the situation, that's the point; I watch. It's easiest to side with the Order, since they already have information networks deeply rooted in the world, but we're recorded as a neutral party."

"But what about Kanda's group? Isn't it important to know what's going on that side?" Lavi looked a little confused.

"Oh that? If we were to write down that in a history book, all we'd mention is a "small opposition" that was crushed without much force. They won't last long."

Kanda finally noticed Allen and Lavi, but ignored them and continued pacing himself far ahead.

Crushed, meaning that all the members were disbanded and or caught. Kanda going down without a fight seemed impossible; they'd have to stop him from biting them as they put on the noose.

No, he wouldn't get caught, even. He'd die before submitting to anyone else's ideals. "Wait, what? But they haven't even-"

"Allen," Lavi said sternly, "these rebellions follow a pattern. No structure, no strong leadership, but a righteous cause doesn't mean a thing. The Order can't be stopped by anyone that was once a part of it; they're connected in some way, and will carry on the legacy even if they tear down the old establishment."

"What does that make the Noah then?"

"You'd call then anarchists or radicals, I guess, and they are the only ones capable of destroying the system. However, they have no intention of reform, and would only cause chaos. It leaves the people within a rock and a hard place; they usually just pretend the Order is safe. The levels of corruption have increased, but it'll be a while before there's a meltdown. Maybe a system of checks and balances will prevent that altogether, like an unexplained heart attack." His sarcasm was lost on Allen.

_What does that make me? I don't fit in any of those categories. _

"What's the good side?" Lavi laughed at this, a laugh that showed just how much the cogs in his head spun around while deciphering Allen's limited views of bad and good. Everything was so temporary, including thoughts and memories.

"Hmmm, be happy you've got someone like the Black Order as the top dog? You could've been born in World War Two, you know." Allen wondered how much he'd learned about the wars in school actually meant something. Lavi was probably a lot smarter than anyone, if only because he knew the actual truth and not the garbage in history books.

"But, eventually these corrupt systems get overthrown and remade, right? Things reset eventually," Allen countered.

"Like I said, the new becomes the old." That didn't make sense; there was no evil without good. But then again, where did he come up with that notion? Everything now sounded like different shades of grey, some darker than others. Was there no sense of right versus wrong, just lesser evils?

The gym teacher blew the whistle and they stopped running.

"Ah, I didn't mean to make you mad, Allen."

He wasn't mad. Not at Lavi, at least; he was mad at how things worked. How oblivious he was at how things worked; no, he was just mad at himself.

"No, I'm glad you told me. I'm going to do an extra lap or two; go on ahead and get changed. 'Meet you at lunch, right?" Allen said cheerfully. Lavi grabbed his arm and gave him a stern look.

"I saw it, you know. In one of your memories; that's how your arm usually looks, isn't it? It wasn't just one memory, it was in three separate ones." Allen grew pale, but didn't waver; he knew he'd have to face this eventually.

"Don't look at me like you want to rip my head off, Allen! I'm missing an eye, aren't I? You don't have to make up any stupid excuses to me, because I get it. Kanda and Lenalee will ask eventually, well, maybe never for Kanda. But you don't have to show me, and you don't have to worry about me caring whether or not you're a freak. Being a freak comes with the innocence deal, anyway."

Without waiting for Allen to respond, he skipped off and managed to tackle Kanda before he could make it back to the locker room in peace. Slightly smiling when the gym teacher tried to pry Kanda off of Lavi and got involved too, he walked a slow circle around the track.

* * *

><p>Allen was more than ready to eat; all the running last period left him starving. As he sat back down with his extra tray of food, he tried to figure out what Lavi and Lenalee were arguing about.<p>

"We should just clean up after school!"

"Lenalee," Lavi whined, "can't you just get your brother to waive us for a month or two?"

"What's wrong?" Allen asked through a mouthful of food.

"Remember the stupid club we all got forced to join?" Kanda said as he picked at his food and glared at Lavi. Allen wasn't going on another suicide mission with these three.

"Cleaning it is!" Allen said cheerfully.

"Wha- hey, not you too, Allen! Can't we just go somewhere_ not_ haunted and goof off?"

"You know my brother won't buy that," Lenalee said while sipping her soda.

"We could go run around that cruise ship docked in the pier a town over. It's sat in port for ten years since the big incident," Lavi said.

"I remember that; it was a cruise ship that was supposed to stop here, but when it arrived, there was no one on board," Lenalee said thoughtfully.

"No one? Then how did it dock?"

"No clue; the people who work on the dock just came to work the next morning and found a big, empty ship. Sounds spooky, right?"

"Sounds like a bad idea. There's a reason no one messes with it; whoever steps on board never comes back," Kanda replied. He sounded a little too serious for a random superstition.

"So if no one comes back once they get on, they can't move it," Allen murmured. "Well it's not a good thing to let people keep disappearing. Why don't we get to the bottom of it?"

"That's my Allen! Come on you two, you know it'll be fun!" Lavi said while nudging Lenalee and Kanda.

Lenalee looked at Kanda from the corner of her eye and noticed his disdain. "Sure, I'm all for it!" She said a little too cheerfully. Sometimes Allen forgot about the silent feud they were in, other times he just tried to grin and bear it; it had to end eventually.

"Me too," he replied warily.

"Guys," Lavi said while laughing nervously. "Let's all have fun, right?"

* * *

><p>After an abrupt decision not to take a car, the four of them hopped on a bus for the grueling hour ride to the port sea facing dock. Allen admired the twilight out of the windows; since it was barely the end of January, the days were still short and stiff. He packed an extra coat, just in case, but almost wished he put it on over the first one when they stepped out on the dimly lit beach.<p>

"The waves sound nice," Allen murmured as his boots kicked up sand when he stepped closer to the surf.

"It's fucking freezing out here. What are we doing near the ocean in January?" Kanda muttered and ducked into his jacket.

"Do you not like the ocean?" Allen asked over the crash of the waves. The spray that flew up in the air was ice-cold and salty, refreshing and stinging him as he stood by the water's edge. Kanda, on the other hand, was treating the water like one would an akuma, making sure to keep his ground and not taking his eyes off of it. Upon closer inspection, Allen noticed he'd brought his sword along and was gripping the handle instinctively.

"You aren't," Allen took a couple of steps closer to Kanda, "afraid of water are you, Yuu?"

"Don't call me that." Another step closer.

"So you aren't denying it?" Kanda tensed up while glaring at the ocean, then Allen, then back at the ocean. Allen couldn't help but laugh at how he was treating them both like enemies and how his other hand somehow found its way to the hilt of his blade.

"Allen, I'm warning you, if you don't back off now, I'll-"

"You'll what?" Allen said innocently, and this time Kanda took a menacing step forward.

"I'll throw you to the sharks, bean sprout," he hissed.

"Oh, really?" Allen murmured while face to face with him. Kanda had a strange look on his face, one pained with anger and desire. If Allen didn't know any better, he'd think that Kanda almost wanted to-

"Got it!"

Kanda's eyes widened and he looked behind him; Lavi had his katana and was waving it in the air behind him. He pulled down his bandana and made a really serious face, obviously his best attempt at a Kanda impression.

Allen never really had a formal scale of the levels of how angry Kanda got, but touching his katana was always way up there. Allen laughed at the sheer terror on Lavi's face as he ran around the beach, and Lavi fell over in the sand when Kanda finally caught up to him while roaring out death threats.

A sword hit him square in the forehead and he glared at the guilty-free redhead."What- Hey, Lavi! Don't throw sharp objects at people!"

Allen's brain started working a little faster when he noticed that Kanda was coming to kill him now, and he nearly fell backward trying to create distance. He was about to ask for help, but realized that Lavi already latched onto Lenalee's side as they talked to the shipyard owner.

"Worthless bastard," Allen muttered as his feet splashed when he ran out of beach to escape to.

Kanda faltered for a moment, warily setting each boot down in the inch of water before glaring back at Allen. "Give it back, and I'll only give you a haircut instead of cutting your whole damn head off."

Allen took a couple leaps farther into the ocean until it was a little below his knees, freezingly so, and said, "I bet you can't even make it out this far!"

Kanda knew it was a dare, a stupid dare he shouldn't have listened to, but he stiffened up and put one foot in front of the other. Allen started laughing when he saw his panicked face when he slipped on a shell, and a wave drowned out his expletives.

Regaining his balance but none of his dignity from the impact of the wave, he yelled, "You're dead, you know that!"

"I sure hope I don't drop this pretty sword in the ocean," Allen called out dramatically and waved it over his head. The icy water wasn't favoring him going out any farther, and neither was Kanda. _My boot is stuck in the sand, damn it, _he thought while pulling against the muddy earth's struggles. These were the boots Devit loaned him, but if Devit asked, he had no idea what happened to them.

Apparently Allen spent too much time struggling with the sand, and Kanda suddenly was towering over him. He ripped the katana from Allen's hands and sheathed it, then shot Allen a dangerous look.

Kanda didn't hesitate to throw punches at him, and he laughed when he dodged them and yelped when Kanda landed a square hit. "Okay, okay! You've made your point!"

"Oh, really?" Kanda said and kicked him in the shin, directly knocking him off-balance.

"Kanda! Put me down! Hey, asshole, that hurts!"

"You're getting my clothes wet damn it! Just shut up and drown!"

Lavi and Lenalee looked over the pier and sighed at the two struggling idiots in the waves. The water kept threatening to knock them over, while Kanda had Allen hoisted up over his shoulder.

"Kanda, put him down!" Lenalee yelled. She regretted the words as he smirked at her.

Kanda darkly replied, "Okay, sure, Lenalee."

Allen yelled in surprise and fell into the surf with an explosive splash of arctic water. He coughed on the salt and sea lining his gums and soggily pulled himself out of the ocean, denying any help from Kanda.

"You can't be playing in the ocean when it's freezing outside, Allen," Lenalee warned as he tried to hide his chills.

"Yeah, don't go touching my shit, either of you," Kanda said while glaring at them.

Lavi put an arm around Kanda and asked, "Did you get over your fear of the big bad ocean, Yuu?" Lenalee grabbed the fabric of Kanda's coat before he could chase after Lavi.

"What'd the owner say? Can we go on the ship?" Allen asked as he wrung out his hair. I_ really need to get this cut,_ he thought while noticing the length it'd gotten.

"He was really worried about it, you guys. Since we had all the correct permits and request forms, he couldn't deny us, but it doesn't sound very safe," Lenalee said as she looked off into the cove.

"We've come too far now to turn back, right?" Lavi said.

They all started a quiet and dark walk down the beach with the sliver of moon as the only light to guide them. A few stars weakly twinkled, but Allen's flashlight cut the thick darkness like butter. _I can't imagine how dark inside the ship will be, _he thought as he looked around for it.

"Where is the ship, exactly?"

"It's shipwrecked behind this cove, after the last attempt to get it out of port. The dock guy told me they were planning on dismantling it at this point, since it has such a bad reputation."

"Is it really that bad?" Kanda asked.

"Doubt it," Lavi said. The hopped over some rocks and eventually ended up on the next beach. The ship took up most of this hidden sand, and was towering above them all.

"Dude, it's like fifty feet high!" Lavi cheered and ran over to it.

"I didn't know it'd be so big," Allen murmured as he stared up at it. There was a strange energy floating around the boat; it wasn't dangerous at the moment, but he felt on edge.

Rust cradled the curdled metal and lined all the cracks of the welding like ivy. The exterior wall of the ship caved in on certain panels in a muddy, red clay colored landslide. Dated way past the days of ships with sails, it only had a mock crows' nest that ended in a speck next to the stars._ It looks structurally unsound in places, _he thought and decided he'd need to watch his footing carefully.

"Scared?" Allen realized he'd stopped in place and shook his head out in a firm no. _I don't like this feeling._

"Something's off," Allen said, and Kanda gave him a concerned look. Whether he understood what Allen was implying was up for debate.

"I brought Mugen. We'll be fine," he replied.

_I can't use my innocence to protect them, or at least not in front of Kanda. If I use my innocence and Kanda sees,_ his breathing hitched in his throat.

"I think we can climb up over here! Come on, you guys!" Kanda pushed Allen forward, a rough hand in the small of his back.

They walked to the back of the boat and noticed Lavi waving up at them from the top of the deck. There was a secure rope, looking a lot safer than the rust building up on the ship, that Allen put a heavy foot on. "Kanda, if we ever became enemies-"

"We are enemies."

"Right. Well, I mean, if we were ever in a real fight, would you kill me?" He started to climb, which was much easier than he thought when he braced himself on the side of the ship, and Kanda followed.

"Depends on what you did."

He stopped when the metal bent beneath his foot and inspected it. "What if I turned into a demon?"

"I'd rip you to pieces."

He continued climbing and thickly swallowed. "And if I became a Noah? Or helped a Noah?"

"I wouldn't have to kill you; it'd already be hell living with those idiots."

"I'm being serious!"

Allen noticed that Kanda's vibe was a little strange; he wasn't his usual somber aura. His presence was warmer but still uncomfortable, enough to push you away but still leaving you wanting to come back.

"Then seriously hurry up," Kanda replied.

_Fine,_ Allen thought as he made it to the top of the rope. _I just have to avoid using my innocence, and everything will be fine._

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry about the late update; I've been fighting serious writer's block. (And I poured boiling hot coffee all over my hand, leaving a bruise and a blister. It was difficult to type with the hand.) (Also it's a shorter chapter because I didn't want a 15K chapter and it's split in half; it's still about 7K anyway.)<strong>

**As always your reviews and feedback is so motivating and amazing! And, no, this isn't some Tyki/Lenalee/Kanda harem thing (that review made me laugh a lot). I just like to keep things interesting and more realistic because boxing in a character with only one other character isn't my thing.**

**Till next update, then!**


	18. Remember To Check Below Your Feet, Too

"Look at how high we are!" Lenalee said with starry eyes. She leaned a little too far for comfort against the rusted railing to get a better look over the side.

Allen walked over and admired the view; from this far away, he could only see the bright lights of the city piercing the night with oranges and yellows. The closer his view came to the cove, the more the forest darkened and silenced the noise of the bustling highway and vibrant nightlife. He felt like he was standing on top of the world, seeing only the small speck of value in the sphere.

"Don't lean on anything too hard, you guys. That railing looks like it might bust," Lavi said and gave it a good shake. Sure enough, a piece of the metal broke off and fell into the water below with a loud splash.

"Everything on this looks like it might bust," Kanda said as he peered around the ship.

"Are we really allowed to be here, Lenalee?" Allen asked as he meandered around on the rotting floor, checking to see if there were any weak planks.

They all made their way over to a door leading up to the floating deck above, and Allen noticed how the bottom of the deck above his head bowed out.

"Well, technically yes. But, no not really," she said as she pulled at the handle.

Allen stopped walking and looked over at her in disbelief. "Not really?'"

"Well, the boat guy said yes, which is great and all, but I forged a document or two," she admitted.

"Are you serious?!" Lenalee didn't listen, and instead casually opened up the jarred door that led up to the bridge deck.

"These stairs are safe!" She disappeared into the stairwell.

They all followed her up and noticed a dusty glass encased room, complete with a grid and levers to control the boat. All the equipment was either broken or coated in a thick layer of gritty sand, although the windows helped preserve the space more than the weathered outside. Like Allen noticed earlier, parts of the floor were drooping and groaned when stepped on.

"Wait, where's the spinny wheel?" Lavi said as he started looking around the operation room.

"We aren't in the damn eighteen hundreds, idiot," Kanda said.

Lenalee rubbed on a window with the cuff of her jacket until she could see out it. "Hey, Allen, do you see those strange tracks in the sand? Do you think sea turtles come here often?"

He looked out the clean opening she made and saw the strange ruts and deviations in the soft sand; the marks were too deep for any crab or fish to make.

"Hey, you two. Unfortunately, we didn't make a damn sea turtle watching club. Instead, we just fuck up haunted places, so do you job," Kanda grumbled.

Allen looked away from the window and noticed how annoyed Kanda looked; it wasn't his usual, bored and irritable posture that said that he'd rather be anywhere else but here. Instead, it was a dark and resentful energy Allen couldn't put his finger on. Allen wasn't too sure what his problem was, but he pulled his face away from Lenalee's and headed toward the stairs.

_Maybe he just want's Lenalee to talk to him,_ he thought. Or maybe it was something else. Before he could figure it out, a glaring absence of a fourth party member became present.

"Wait, where's Lavi?".

"Did he go on without us?" Lenalee said worriedly, and the three ran down the stairs.

"Lavi!" Allen called out on the empty deck. There was no response, and a heavy wind blew through the deck, rattling every loose piece of metal and string onboard.

"There are two entrances leading down; which do you think he took?" Lenalee said while gripping the door.

Kanda stopped before he made it to a staircase. "Neither."

Allen and Lenalee walked over and noticed a giant hole carelessly made of splintered wood. It led into what looked like a black hole, with nothing separating it from the color of the night.

"That wasn't here when we got here," Allen murmured as he leaned down next to it.

"Wait for it," Kanda said and they all paused.

In the darkness of the hole, muffled shouting and random flickers of a light came out when the wind died down.

Allen put both his hands on either side of the hole and peered in while shouting, "Lavi! Are you okay?"

"Allen? Is that you, or an angel from heaven?"

Rolling his eyes, he replied, "Where did you fall?"

"I fell through like three floors! It stinks like hell down here, worse than any stink bomb I've ever set off! Oh, there's a big, metal thing I nearly landed on, does that help?"

"The whole ship is a big, metal thing!" Kanda yelled back.

_Big, metal thing?_

"Lavi, is there more than one? Like five or ten?" They saw a light flicker as he searched around the room.

"Yeah, there are! Do you think you know where I am?" He shouted back.

"The boiler room, probably. Stay put, alright?" Allen pulled himself back out of the hole and stood up.

"Don't leave me here, you guys! I'm not kidding about the smell; it reeks like something died down here! I'd rather die than breathe this in any longer!" He shouted back.

The trio headed for the nearest stairs and carefully stepped down into the dark.

The musty air was undisturbed until they appeared. Rust, footprints, and dust were the only residents, along with a heavy darkness that tried to swallow them whole. The darkness treaded right on their heels and bit at the edges of their flashlights.

"These are all cabins," Lenalee said as she nudged open a door with an unsteady boot, with one hand holding up a camera. Despite her delicacy, the frame snapped and hinges creaked as it revealed a destroyed bedroom. The sheets were torn up along with the pillows, and there were strange, fresh tracks in the dust that led nowhere. Footprints, bare and heavy, were imprinted in the dusty floor, almost as if someone had been here right before they opened the door.

"Wait a second," Kanda muttered as he walked in and tried not to trample on the strange marks. There was a door that they hadn't seen that led off to the toilet, and Allen connected the marks as footsteps to the bathroom.

"Guys," Lenalee whimpered from the doorway. Allen noticed the subtle change too, and looked down; new footsteps retraced the original ones, leading back to the bed. The disheveled nightstand, with a drawer missing, shook after a few moments.

"Out, now," Kanda grunted as Allen tried to head toward the bed. Kanda pulled him out roughly by the arm and then slammed the door.

"Ghosts, they're here," Lenalee said while holding a shaky camera.

"Let me go back," Allen said quickly, but Kanda stopped him.

_Why didn't I notice it earlier?_

"We're not doing this again," Kanda said.

"But why didn't I see it?" Allen said quietly. _I didn't see a soul._

Lenalee and Kanda ended up half dragging Allen down the hallway, sometimes opening a door or two that made too much noise. They were all similar, with small dust tracks where someone went to go get water, or use the restroom in the middle of the night, or leading to nowhere at all. The ship seemed to be a restless sleeper too, with all sorts of creaks and unnerving groans as the high tide played tug of war.

_These ghosts,_ Allen thought as he trudged down another floor of cabins,_ they don't have souls. __Does that mean they're just leftover memories?_ The ghost back at the chapel talked about people who hadn't realized they'd died staying in the place of their death. _Maybe it's because they're a different kind, one I haven't met, that I can't sense them._

But the uneasiness and crawling feeling beneath his skin wasn't attributed to these harmless ghosts.

"These people haven't realized they've died yet," Allen said as they walked around quietly.

"Makes sense," Kanda replied. Lenalee stayed quiet, lost in thought.

Lavi's voice was echoing faintly in the halls, reminding them to pick up the pace before he got into trouble. They made it to the end of the hallway, where a steep ladder led to the working quarters of the ship.

"Look, a map!" Lenalee cheered as she pointed at the faded paper tacked over the ladder. Most of the writing was illegible, but the design was easy enough. Allen started pointing out different routes while tracing a gloved finger over the crinkled paper.

"You know a lot about ships, Allen. A hobby of yours?"

"I spent a bit of time working on them," he said. Lenalee and Kanda shot him a questioning glance, but he shrugged it off.

He opted for going down the ladder first. Rung after rung, the farther they descended the more the smell Lavi spoke of clouded the dank air. Rotting meat had nothing on the acrid scent; it was sour and sticky like booze but sharp and thick like chunky, old milk.

"This is the boiler floor, so he should be down the next hall and the door of the left," Allen said through gasped air.

They hurried their way over there, Lenalee with one hand on her nose and another on the camera. The smell was so rancid that it burnt his sinuses.

He couldn't quite place the smell, however. It was one of a kind, close to the smell of rotten eggs and garbage left out in the sun, but they didn't quite match.

Something was rotting in this ship.

"Lavi!" Lenalee called out, and the door burst open.

"You guys!" He said excitedly in a nasally voice.

It smelled sickly sweet, like a metallic caramel left out in the sun. He matched a smell with a name, and trembled beneath the weight of his sudden epiphany.

It smelled like rotting flesh.

"You guys need to get off the ship," Allen said.

"But we just got here," Lenalee replied in a questioning voice.

With such an overpowering scent, surely more than one dead body was hidden somewhere. _And where there are dead bodies..._

"There's something seriously wrong," He said, trailing off.

"Allen, what's wrong?" Lavi asked.

The strange energy suddenly made sense, and the ghosts in the cabins jammed up his senses. But everything made sense now, to a deafening degree.

"Is there an akuma or something?" Kanda asked, stepping forward.

Allen shook his head. He didn't sense any demon's presence.

"Then what is it?" Kanda replied, a little annoyed.

"If something's really bothering you, we'll leave Allen. I don't really want to deal with this smell any longer, anyway. We can use the footage of the cabins and make up some stuff to finish the report," Lenalee said. They turned around to find the ladder, but Allen stood firm, waiting for them to leave.

"Allen? Why aren't you coming?"

"I'll be right up," Allen said.

"So there is something down here. Look, I'm not leaving you to do this whole savior bullshit. Allen, come on," Kanda said and started walking over to him with heavy footsteps.

Nothing infuriated Allen more than that condescending tone Kanda sometimes picked up.

"Kanda, this is really none of your business! Piss off!" Allen yelled back, and shook Kanda's hand from him.

Kanda looked down at his hand, and then back at Allen. It was almost as if touching Allen sent off a chain reaction into his skin, giving him the same sense that Allen had. "What was that?"

Allen easily dodged a second grab. The look Kanda possessed when he looked back down at his hand, and then at Allen was strange; he almost looked lost.

Lavi walked over and put a firm hand on Kanda. "Allen, I trust you well enough to know what you're doing. Everything inside me is screaming to run away from here, like some sort of natural instinct. If you really plan on lingering here, be safe."

Kanda tensed up before turning his back on Allen and muttering, "Fine. Never come out of this rotting ship for all I care."

He watched them all leave, and waited for the last rung to creak before turning around and heading deeper into the ship. It was steadily crumbling and deteriorating the farther he went in, and since the structure was collapsing in the first place, it did not take kindly to visitors. One wrong move, and he could end up as a pancake.

A heavy darkness tried to swallow them whole with every footstep. The dancing shadows treaded right on their heels and bit at the edges of his flashlight.

"Finally," he muttered when he found a dark drop off, paved with a ladder. His light barely cut through a foot of darkness, revealing, shocker, that the ladder led straight into a black pit.

_Danger: Do Not Pass_, was spray-painted in a rich red against the wall, but he steeled himself to continue on. A ringing in his pocket nearly shocked him right off the ladder, and it creaked beneath his sudden jerk. Fishing in his pocket while keeping his pace heading down the ladder, he answered a call from Lenalee.

_"Allen!" _Her voice echoed against the metallic hull and he switched the phone off speaker.

"Lenalee? What's wrong?" He asked and winced as the ladder notified him, once again, that he really shouldn't be on it.

_"It's Kanda! We were heading back up, but the ladder we came down on broke, so we headed around to an emergency one and the floor gave way! I'm only lucky because Lavi pulled me back, but he fell really far! Like, really far! I can't even see his flashlight or hear his voice!"_

He stepped off his shuddering ladder and shivered; that feeling Lavi mentioned earlier spiked beneath his skin. "Did he fall near me?"

_"I think so, but it's so hard to tell. Should we come down and help look?"_

"No, he replied quickly, "You two should make it off the ship, at least. When I find him, I'll call you, okay?"

Lenalee laughed a little and replied,_ "You used the word __when instead of if."_

There were a couple of bangs nearby, and he put his hand over the speaker on his phone. Everything was silent except for his labored breathing, and he patiently waited. A loud scuffle, like a wild animal, came from behind him, and he twirled around. The slight of a shadow out of the corner of his eye meant that he was either crazy, or something was watching him.

_"Allen, we're on the top deck now. Do you want me to stay on the phone?"_

"No, that's okay," he ducked under scrap metal, "I'll call you back."

"Okay, you better not forget!"

"I won't." He hung up and already missed her voice. It was something to grasp onto in this hell.

He pointed his flashlight in every direction before heading over to an open bridge door nearby. He'd successfully made his way down to the bottom of the boat, which meant he needed to make it through the interlocking chambers before he could make it to the main chamber.

Vaulted, rusty ceilings groaned above and the curved walls hugged the hull of the boat in a dark embrace. Each wave rocked the room slowly, threatening to push the boat over with each heavy collapse.

His flashlight skimmed across the surface of the chamber below, filled with at least knee-deep, murky water.

Nothing was visible except for the cloud of grime mingling with water, and he stood before the drop off into the chamber, frozen in the entrance._ Climb down into that mess, or find another way around?_ He knew there wasn't a Plan B, but then again, it was worth a look before he put his fate in the hands of freezing seawater.

There was another noise behind his back, a stray rattling of metal accidentally knocked over, and he waited to hear another sound before turning around.

_It's nothing, idiot. The ship is old; of course it's going to make noise! You're just paranoid,_ he thought when another sound didn't follow.

And then he noticed it; a soft noise, which he strained his ears to pick up. The noise soon greeted him when it realized it had an audience.

Heavy breaths, hot and shallow, filled his ears and sent shivers down his spine. It was as if someone was breathing down his neck, only centimeters away from him, and his imagination got the better of him. He snapped his head around and looked side to side, above, and below.

Nothing. He almost wanted to accuse his shadow of making all the noise.

The water suddenly looked more inviting than ground, and he shakily lowered himself in. He'd almost forgotten how cold the water was outside when Kanda dropped him in, but it didn't take long for his memory to come back as shivers set in. There was another noise on the platform behind him, and whatever speck of calmness he clung to was gone.

The water was deeper than he expected, so much so that he was swimming to stay above. Cold, numb, and horrifying were the three words he would use to describe this cesspool of dirty Pacific water to Lavi and Lenalee when he got back.

_ Because I'm coming back,_ he thought optimistically while swimming to the other side of the chamber.

He treaded water in front of the chamber lock that led to the next giant room, flinching when a giant piece of metal fell into the water right in front of him. The next ladder and door above was sucessfully blocked, and he glared at the inanimate object muttering curses. It creaked once more and more scrap fell from above. He apologized.

The push and pull of the chamber gave him a new plan. Circulation of water meant there was a way into the next room somewhere beneath him, and he sucked in as much of the horrible air as his lungs would allow without gagging. Diving beneath the surface, he let himself sink down a couple of feet before squinting in search of an opening. Everything was black and cold and numb; he had to use his hands for sight.

_Aha!_

He found his opening, barely big enough to fit through, and soon realized the scrap that fell earlier was partially blocking it. He popped up for air, and then dived beneath it. With his back against the curved hull, he pushed with all his chilled ability to dislodge it. There was little movement, but enough to keep him optimistic enough to keep going.

And that's when he saw it; out of the corner of his eye, a dark shape took shape, crawling toward him on the side of the hull. Rather, he heard it first; scratching nails and scuffling, clumsy movements.

Accidentally screaming and releasing a cloud of bubbles, he kicked the metal in a frantic attempt to give him just one second to slip through. It ignored him. He heard the scratching grow louder, the shadow growing larger and disturbing the water nearby.

Laughter. He heard low, dull laughter.

Kicking and pushing in a frenzy, he managed to move the lazy scrap slightly to the left. Scraping his side, he swam through the tiny opening, sure that if he waited a second later the figure would've dragged him down.

Out of air and desperately needing it, he clawed his way upwards. Up and down were interchangeable at this point, but he released what little air he had left and followed the direction of bubbles.

Something beneath him stirred, and he started kicking his feet wildly to reach the surface. _It followed me, didn't it? Oh God, oh God.._.

Moonlight was coming in through slits in the metal, only inches away from his face. Relaxing, he floated back up to the top.

Just before he could take a well-deserved breath, a slimy but still sharp claw grabbed onto his ankle and jerked him downwards with more strength than Allen could fight. Things were growing hazy and he started gasping in the dark water, breathless calls for help as he sunk lower and lower.

He squinted below, and wasn't sure if he screamed or not, for his throat had long since lost feeling and was a reservoir for the disgusting liquid around. The surface of the chamber knew no better.

It was a dark, humanlike figures, with joints popped out of place in odd positions and head tilted sideways. It snapped its jaw, trying to bite his foot, and jerked him down further when he weakly fought once more. _Drowning, drowning, you're drowning, Allen... do something!_

Panicking, he kicked wildly and the ship's floor suddenly woke up. There wasn't one figure; there were multiple, maybe twenty or thirty, all with sunken in and pupil-less eyes, like a colony of bats. The cold couldn't seem to thaw out his molten fear, shocking him right out of the oxygen-less daze. Activating his innocence, he sent the figures scattering away from the light and hugging the walls in hungry piles.

The one below didn't let go, and he reached down, manually digging his own innocence in the clammy hand. A high pitched shriek rang clear in the night, and the grip loosened but didn't sever entirely.

With one good kick, he managed to make it to the surface and swam freestyle his way over to a wall. All that mattered was air, and he took several deep gasps as the light-headed feeling threatened to send him back down. Even if the air burned his raw throat.

It was obvious now; the odor was messing with all his senses. In a shuddering thought, he wondered if the first chamber was the same as the first.

_Wait,_ he thought in sudden realization. _Kanda fell down here somewhere, and if he was unconscious, then-_

He started swimming again, throwing a stray glance below him every so often. The monsters were wary, like cats with arched backs and bared teeth, but still approached him. Not wasting any time looking for a pathway into the next chamber, he punched an innocence-laced hand right through the flimsy metal. The current swept him up and into the next room.

* * *

><p>A sputtering and disheveled mess, he crawled up to a platform with a door sealed by a rusted wheel. He recognized a voice on the other side; that was Kanda in there, yelling and cursing like he was fighting.<p>

His hands were so numb he barely registered the wheel in his grip and there was no answer from his arms as he fought against layers of rust. However, even if his bones were frozen, he managed to release the door and run in. The waves hadn't reached this room, and there were only small puddles on the floor that he splashed in.

"Kanda?"

"Allen?" He ran over to the source of the voice, boots sloshing in the vaulted room. There was no light in this room, and his flashlight only illuminated a couple of feet in front of him.

Sparks flew as Kanda's sword connected with its enemy; Allen's flashlight revealed a terrifyingly familiar demon. It looked like the evolved demon he ran into the other night_. __._

"Get out! This is way above your level!" Kanda spat as he dodged a blow to the stomach.

"Coming from the guy getting his ass handed to him?" Allen yelled back. He watched the back and forth for a moment, watching the strange footwork Kanda used. He was getting hit left and right but not stalling in his advance, and it took a few moments for Allen to realize why he had such a shortened stance.

He was used to fighting people, not demons.

"Leave before you become a liability!" Kanda roared.

Kanda attacked widely, leaving himself wide open, and ended up on the other side of the room in a crumpled heap. If he'd been fighting a reasonably sized person, then there was no way they would've closed the gap, but Kanda refused to adapt to fighting a different enemy and was sorely losing because of it. And if Allen didn't step in, this was going to be Kanda's last stubborn mistake.

"Kanda! Promise me you'll wait to kill me until after I kill this thing!" Allen said, voice echoing.

"What?"

The demon was effectively ignoring Allen and focusing on the bloody figure crouched over, still picking himself up.

"Promise!"

"I don't get it, but what the hell. I promise. You should have run while you had the chance, dumbass," He grunted back, unable to get up, much less argue.

"Innocence," the demon stopped in its tracks before it attacked Kanda, "Activate!"

His arm lit up in a bright white and the cloak seeped out from beneath his skin, a familiar and warm feeling. The tremors from his activation loosened the floorboards above and they crashed down, letting in the night's bright light. Exposed but already resolved whether or not his identity was discovered, Allen grabbed at his wrist and pulled until his hand was a hilt and the broadsword appeared in front of him.

The light from the stars, albeit weak revealed the source of the smell. His body froze over once again, eyes dancing around for a break from the crowding horror. The bottom of the ship was more comforting than this. _At least they were alive._

Corpses littered the room, piled and rotting with bugs for blood, making homes out of bodies. He wasn't walking in puddles of water, no, this room was only dripping in a sticky red liquid. The walls were splatter painted with lost cries for help and prayers to a forgotten God.

Some of the bodies were only bones and stretched skin; others were so fresh that they still had color on their cheeks. These were the scraps of a demon's hungry carnage; they were trespassing in the monster's home. And the overpowering stench of death shattered his eye's sense until now. None of the bodies had souls.

"Pay attention, exorcist!" Allen barely ducked in time to not lose his head, and then sidestepped in a spray of blood. He separated from the cape and swung at the demon, then blocked, then dodged once more.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Kanda tried to get up, but fell back down to his knees with gritted teeth.

"It was you!"

Ignoring him, Allen landed a solid hit and sent the demon flying backward. He ran after the creature, not letting up in his assault. There was only a moment wasted as he stepped carefully over charred faces still painted in fear.

Catching up to the demon he thrust his sword a little too angrily, leaving a wide opening and a grin on the monster's face. The opening wasn't overlooked, and the demon kicked him square in the chest. The force knocked the breath right out of his lungs, and without a moment to recover, the demon followed by a merciless swing quite familiarly on his left shoulder. Tearing open the wound, Allen only narrowly missed the next deadly swing while crying out in pain. _Do they all have the same attack patterns, too?_

"Bastard!" It only took a glance over his shoulder to realize that he was under attack from both sides, and barely missed the blade of a katana and a blow from an akuma_. Boy, aren't I popular tonight?_

"You promised, Kanda! Let me finish this!" He yelled while holding his shoulder. Jumping back, he watched the demon shoot an amused attack at his shoulder again.

"Are you even sure you want to kill it? Are you sure_ I'm_ not the enemy?" He blocked the quick swipe aimed for his skull with his broadsword and met Kanda's bloodstained face at the edge of the clashing steel.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? What the fuck does it look like I'm doing here!" Allen spat back.

"You're a damn traitor, siding with the Noah like that!" The cold eyes Allen saw when Kanda stopped him in the alleyway, the same look was back, but Allen wasn't afraid to face him this time.

"How am I a traitor if I never even had a side?"

Kanda looked a little taken aback.

"I never agreed to fight with you, or anyone for that matter. I'm just doing what seems like the right thing to do!" Allen yelled.

"Right thing to do? Helping the Noah or _whatever_ the hell went down in that building between them and the Order is the last thing that is right to do! They tried to kill you! Or are you too thick to remember?"

"If it's the issue of murder, then who is on the other side of my sword? Aren't you trying to kill me, at the same time you're blaming them? You're all the same, stupid, by-products of the Order!"

Allen felt the poison drip from his lips, but didn't stop yelling. This time Kanda didn't attack. He raised the blade, only to curse and throw it down in the blood splashing beneath them.

"Throwing down your weapon? If you want to die so badly, you should've said so," the dark voice said from outside of their argument.

In the midst of the verbal fighting, Allen forgot he was in an actual fight. A heavy pressure rattled his insides, and he noticed a dark mass of energy building and enveloping the room. The bodies were burning up and the acidic touch of the dark matter ate at the ship's insides._ I never gave them a long enough period to charge up like this, damn it!_

"Run, Kanda! Get the hell out of here!" Allen yelled, but there wasn't enough reaction time to move more than a couple of paces away.

He noticed the masked innocence lingering near him, and said quickly, "Go protect him, would you?"

It seemed reluctant to leave Allen to fend for himself, but didn't follow as Allen chased after the demon, sword braced and feet flowing smoothly over the now oxidized and blackened floor.

Too late.

An explosion of heat and acid began to set even the air aflame, with dark waves slicing up the sky itself. Allen used his sword to cut through the dark ripples of energy aimed at him. It worked for a few moments, but the onslaught was impossible to keep up with. The pressure and heat threw him to his knees, sword clattering in front of his hands.

_Has to end, has to end soon. Prepare for a counter,_ _Come on, come on, come on!_ He gritted his teeth against the acidic touch of the dark matter, ripping his skin up like paper. But the bombardment of attacks from the darkness sent him hacking and sputtering on blood.

_I don't have any more time to wait._

Somehow, he found his way to his knees, and then to his feet, and then he dematerialized the sword so that he could use his arm once more. The liquid in his stomach churned, his skin felt sticky with blood, and his bones felt like they were on the verge of snapping. Shooting a glance over at his cape, he hoped Kanda was faring better beneath.

"Akuma!" He called out, and then heard laughter.

"You aren't dead yet?" It replied, and the attack intensified.

"Let your soul be saved!"

More laughter, but he couldn't really register much more than his innocence and putting one foot in front of the other. In a silent and fleet-footed approach, he held in his pained gasps and found the akuma hiding within the darkness, on a throne of corpses. It noticed him a little too late. In a defenseless attack, Allen impaled the demon with his claws and yelled, "Edge End!"

_If this doesn't work, I'm dead. Dead, dead, dead..._

The burst of raw power left everything a sterile white, blinding him. The screaming of the akuma followed, and then a lull of silence.

_Thank you. _

The chorus, not just the demon's thanks but of every lost soul on board, would always haunt him.

When the ship fell silent and the bright light disappeared, he looked around the room. Most of the corpses disintegrated in the attack, and looking down, he realized he might as well be one.

_ Wait, where is Kanda?_

_ Did my innocence not make it in time?_

He scanned for his innocence, and noticed it still in a protective cover, much more battered than he'd remembered. He ran over to the innocence even though everything in his body screamed to stop moving. Gingerly gesturing for the innocence to deactivate, the white cape settled on his shoulders and disappeared.

A bewildered Kanda stood in front of him, still bleeding from his battle earlier. It looked as if the attack missed him entirely, and yet he didn't seem grateful in the slightest. He picked up his sword off the ground and glared. "Why did you protect me? I didn't need anyone someone like you-"

"Don't even try to say that to me," Allen said hotly, with Kanda on his last nerve.

"You're a dumbass, you know that? I can't believe I trusted," Kanda stopped and raised a fist, already hurled before Allen could blink.

His punch connected with Allen's jaw and he fell backward a few paces, only to retaliate with a rough grab at the fabric near Kanda's neck.

"I said I was doing what I thought was right! Go ahead," he put a hand on Kanda's blade and whispered, "Kill me, if it's such a noble cause. I won't stop you."

"Tell me why you did it before I do!" Kanda yelled back. The blade sunk its teeth into his side, ready to tear him in half.

"I did it because I was trying to run. This town will be my grave soon enough, and I was afraid. I still am afraid, sometimes, but for some reason," his voice didn't falter as he murmured in Kanda's ear, "I'm not really afraid to die now. So, go for it."

He closed his eyes when the blade cut deeper.

"Hesitation isn't a good look on you, Kanda? What are you waiting for?" Allen murmured.

"Do you really want to die that badly," Kanda muttered back.

"Do you really want me dead?" Allen repeated, smiling slightly when he watched the indecision appear on Kanda's face out of the corner of his eye.

Kanda drew his blade away but kept his face close, metallic glares oxidizing in the fierceness of the other.

"Allen," Kanda said, and drew in close to Allen's lips, "I really fucking hate you."

"And Kanda Yu," Allen let go of his shirt and brought a hand up to Kanda's jaw, "I'm not too fond of you, either."

Allen lingered with his lips close to Kanda's for a moment before Kanda pulled him into a rough kiss, one fueled by much more than passion. His lips were silken seas crashing against rocky shores, fragile snowflakes brushing hot coals. Allen could taste the anger and grief, the bitterness and confusion, against his skin and kissed back with the same intensity.

They stopped for a moment, if only to catch their breath, and then kissed again, this time with much less hesitation and anger. Allen tangled his fingers in Kanda's hair and pressed himself against his chest as Kanda's hands went lower, and lower, and-

He abruptly pulled away and looked down at his hand, covered in a rich red. He looked back at Allen and said, "You're bleeding."

"Your fault," Allen replied flippantly and got on his toes to kiss him again.

Kanda forgot where he was for a moment, and just enjoyed the touch of Allen's soft lips against his. His brain somehow fought against the bliss and reminded him that his hand was dripping wet in someone else's blood. "I'm serious, Allen!"

"It probably just looks bad because I had to swim all the way here. It's not a big deal," he replied.

Kanda clicked on a flashlight and said, "Take off your shirt."

Allen stared blankly back at him and replied with a swift, "No."

He was positive that he'd just picked the worst person to kiss.

"For God's sake, Allen, just let me see how bad that injury is."

Allen lifted up his shirt in annoyance and then pulled it back down. "See? There's nothing."

Kanda glared back at him and put the flashlight between his teeth so that he could use both his hands. Allen realized a little too late that he should be running, and Kanda slid his foot underneath Allen's, sending him slamming down on the bloodstained floors. He easily pinned down the dazed and weary kid, although his struggles were on par with some of the largest demons he'd ever fought.

"Kanda, I'm fine! Stop it!"

"Sit still already!"

"Lenalee! Lavi! I'm being assaulted!"

"Be quiet!"

Kanda tried to ignore the obnoxious death threats sent his way and pulled at the soaking wet fabric._ I picked the wrong person to kiss_. Allen needed to change before he got frostbite, too; how did this kid survive on his own?

He was shocked, at first, by the sheer number of marks all over his skin. _Did this all happen tonight?_ No, the scars were healing at different paces, some old, some new. Allen didn't want him to see all the scars, for a good reason, but Kanda could tell that there was a fresh wound somewhere, staining all his clothes red.

"What the hell have you been doing?" Kanda muttered as he traced one of the larger ones across his chest. Allen didn't respond and looked away, obviously embarrassed.

"It's my shoulder," he said quietly.

Kanda snapped out of his trance and stopped tracing the skin. "What?"

"My shoulder is bleeding, really severely. It was last night, too, so now its worse. Can you get off me, now?"

Warily, he pulled up the shirt farther and saw the tattered remains of gauze and stitches, soaked in scarlet. Whatever original wound Allen mentioned was unrecognizable in the mess of torn skin, although he could see strange, black markings all over his shoulder.

"Do you have a tattoo or something?"

Allen stared blankly for a few moments and then his eyes widened in horror. Kanda watched, a little disturbed, as he flawlessly masked it and replied sarcastically, "Yes, Kanda. It's an initiation test for the gang I just joined."

"Allen, you are so damn irritating," Kanda muttered and tried to pull up the shirt farther so he could get a better look.

"Allen! Where are you? Wait, I see a flashlight!" He grinned while Kanda grimaced when he heard Lenalee and Lavi's voices.

Kanda knew this didn't look good, but he continued to pull at the wet fabric. Clothes always stuck to your skin when they got soggy, a fact he truly hated now. But a little farther would do, and he couldn't help but to be curious about what was on his skin.

"Kanda," Lenalee shrieked as she ran over, "Get off Allen!"

"I'm just checking to see how bad the bleeding is! Allen is just being dramatic!" Kanda yelled back.

Then he realized he was covered in Allen's blood, and so was his sword._ Shit. _

"I'm the one being dramatic? Really? Will one of you two get him off me?" Allen irritably replied.

Lenalee managed to shoo Kanda away, and he stalked off to get his sword. Allen sat up, painfully so, and fixed his clothes.

"What the hell happened?" Lavi asked as he looked around.

"This was a level three's home, I guess, and," Allen's eyes widened when the night caught up with him, and he dry heaved. He tried to talk once he regained his composure, but ended up heaving again.

"Okay, questions for a better time, apparently. Let's get the hell out of here," Lavi said as he patted Allen's back. He wiped off his mouth and came to a shaky stand.

The ship was destroyed. From here, they could cross the room and jump out on the beach, which is probably how Lenalee and Lavi heard him. _Good, because there was no way I am swimming again any time soon._

Upon closer inspection, he noticed that the ship was visibly vibrating and shaking, and he notified everyone that they probably only had a few seconds to get off of the thing before it collapsed in on itself. Lavi ended up supporting Allen's stumbling figure, and they all collapsed on the beach as the metal heaved and groaned before crashing in a wave of steel.

"Are you kids okay?" The dock manager was running across the beach with a lantern. His jaw slacked a little when he saw the remains of the ship, pieces still falling apart, and looked back at the bloody crew.

He pointed at the corpse of the ship. "Did you do that?"

Kanda replied dryly, "If we say no, will you let us go?"

"Okay, better question: how did you four teenagers destroy a giant cruise liner?"

They all looked at each other for an explanation, mentally determining who would have the best excuse. "You know what? I don't care. Good riddance, if you ask me."

He broke off into a husky laugh, and they all nervously laughed too, before Allen started coughing. He pulled his hand away and noticed how much blood he coughed up, unable to hide his surprised fast enough for Lenalee to point a flashlight.

"Shit, kid, why didn't you say something? I'll go back to the dock and call an ambulance!"

"There's no need to do that! I'm fine," Allen replied frantically.

"Allen, were too far away from the school to drag your bloody corpse home. You're going to have to go to a local hospital," Lenalee murmured back.

"I can take care of it myself. Look, I'm fine," Allen said with a bright smile.

Lenalee left the three males, both harshly yelling at Allen who was arguing right back, and said to the dock manager, "We'll somehow get him there. Make sure to tell the medics that the cranky kid with the high ponytail needs attention, too."

The man nodded, a little afraid of the group, and ran off. Lenalee looked over at three and realized that Lavi was walking away from the rising argument.

"You have to go to a hospital! What are you so afraid of?"

Lenalee and Lavi looked at each other in an agreement that Kanda was an idiot. Allen didn't respond for a few moments, giving Kanda a chance to catch up with the rest of them, and then shoved him away.

Still thick as ever, he replied, "You know what? It doesn't even matter. You're going to pass out in a couple of minutes, anyway, since you didn't bind the wound. How would you even treat borderline frostbite, anyway? You're such an idiot!"

Allen replied, "I'm not the only one hurt, you know. They're going to force you down and give you stitches, too!"

Kanda hadn't realized this until now, and looked over at Lenalee, who just smiled innocently.

"I don't need to treatment, damn it! Lenalee, did you say something to the guy? I swear, I'll-" A loud thump in the sand near him stopped his threats. Kanda looked over his shoulder and saw that Allen was out, face down in the sand.

"I'll carry him this time, because I don't trust Kanda," Lenalee said, still unforgiving of earlier.

"Don't look at me like that!"

"Look, I'm going to ask the medics to put him on some strong medicine so he won't freak out when he wakes up in a hospital, okay?"

"Does that mean he's gonna be high as a kite? I'm so glad we have video cameras!" Lavi said excitedly.

"I'm confiscating all the cameras from both you idiots! We have to be supportive, so don't bother him!"

"Right, right," Lavi replied, still unable to wipe the grin off of his face. "Can we give the same thing to Kanda?"

"There's no way in hell you're drugging me."

They finally made it back to the pier, with the ambulance waiting, and she reluctantly handed him over to the professionals while offering to sit in the ambulance with him. Lavi pulled her aside, and said, "Maybe I should go with him."

"Why?" She asked, almost hurt that he didn't trust her.

"Lena, I trust you more than I trust myself. However, are you going to be able to explain his arm to medical professionals with a straight face?"

"Yes, of course I can! Lavi, you can take the taxi with Kanda," she pointed over at where the disheveled Kanda sat. He refused to let anyone near him for a proper examination, but still gruffly agreed to get checked in to the hospital after Lenalee raised her voice.

"Be safe," Lavi said softly.

* * *

><p><strong>Totally over my writers block and my hand is better! At any rate, compliments on my writing get me every time; I really love you guys! Till next chapter!<strong>


	19. Everybody Hurts, But Not In the Same Way

The hospital was small but functional, and since the quaint town was centered on the small port, they were lucky not end up at a local's living room.

"Are you done yet?" Kanda asked irritably as a woman pulled harshly on the stitch.

She shot him another deadly glance, losing her calm disposition after Kanda's last remark, and snapped the wound shut with rough fingers. He cursed, and she only told him to wait here while slamming the door._ Nice try._

Kanda hopped off the table and glanced down at her handiwork. It was neat enough, but Allen was a lot better at it. It didn't matter, though; all his wounds would heal themselves by tomorrow morning, which meant he was only going to have to rip these out before the cuts closed.

_Speaking of Allen,_ he thought while peeking his head out into the hall_, Where is he?_

_Lenalee did this on purpose,_ he thought while glaring at the identical whitewashed doors. He started walking down to the room on the other end of the hall, almost herded back to his room by a nurse who soon backed down by the sour disposition on his face, but stopped when he heard a familiar voice.

He put his hand on the door to knock, but it swung open before he could.

"Though I heard you out there, Yuu," Lavi said briskly.

"I wasn't making any noise," he grumbled back and tried to see inside.

Lavi, blocking him, replied, "Well, your angry stomps down the hall meant you were hanging around somewhere. Shouldn't you be, you know, getting fixed or something?"

"What's going on?" Kanda narrowed his eyes and tried to see through Lavi's sheepish appearance, only annoying him further.

"Nothing, nothing, everything's just great," Lavi said, and peered over his shoulder, mouthing something.

"Lenalee isn't sure now is the best time for visitors-"

_"Don't let him in! Go away, stupid Kanda!"_

"What the hell is going on?!"

Lavi shut the door behind him and pulled Kanda off to the side. "Apparently on the way to the hospital, Lenalee asked for the medicine before Allen got here to calm him down, but by law these guys can't give him anything without consent. And Lenalee didn't know if he was allergic to anything, so they couldn't take any chances."

"So what you're saying is he's awake?"

"What I'm saying is," Lavi sounded frustrated, "That when Allen woke up, things didn't go well."

"Did he freak out or something? Whatever, let's just leave this shit town already before the buses stop running," Kanda replied while leaning against the wall.

"You don't get it, do you?! This is why Lenalee didn't want you to come in!" Lavi replied. The anger in his tone was unsettling, and Kanda felt like he'd missed out on something.

"What the hell is your problem?"

"Not everyone heals as fast as you, jerk! Blood loss is one thing, but there's internal bleeding from one of the heavier wounds. You don't start coughing up blood over external wounds like that. Something else is wrong, too; he's weak, really weak; I wouldn't doubt it if he caught an infection for having exposed wounds in that hellhole. What happened down there?"

Kanda looked at the door in worry, and then back at Lavi. "There was a level three akuma down there."

"Those things exist, huh," Lavi murmured. "How come you aren't in his state? Surely you'd have some trouble walking, even with your freaky regenerative skills."

Kanda stayed silent, and then tried to walk past Lavi and into the room. _I couldn't even scratch it, but that idiot somehow-_

"He protected you, didn't he?"

Kanda didn't answer but couldn't find the strength to turn the doorknob.

"There were different marks, too. Marks that looked like they came from a sword of some type," Lavi roughly grabbed him and pushed him aside, "A katana would only leave those kinds of marks, if you ask me. But I'm not an expert, so it's not my place to say, is it?"

"You don't understand what is going on! Stay out of it!" Kanda yelled back.

"Hey, quit disturbing the patients! You're supposed to stay in your room," An old nurse scolded as she wheeled a cart down the hall. She was hunched over the cart, as age seemed to weigh down on her back, but with a sunken in face that rivaled the moon.

"And you should be in a nursing home!" He yelled back.

"Kanda!" Lavi walked over to the nurse and sweetly replied, "Don't mind him. I'll make sure he gets back to his room safely."

She mumbled something about teenagers and continued, glaring at Kanda as the cart rolled by.

Lavi looked over his shoulder before muttering, "If you can't come up with an excuse, I'll only be able to assume you turned your sword on Allen, and I don't want you in there. Lenalee doesn't want you in there."

_I didn't mean to attack him. Well, I did, but I was mad._ Kanda wasn't even aware he landed a solid hit on Allen's lithe fighting skills.

Kanda went with a diplomatic answer. "He helped the Noah."

"I don't care he robbed a bank; I'll still stand by him. Allen would never do something to harm anyone, and he'd rather die than attack any of us. By the looks of it, he protected you, even after you attacked him. Kanda, you can't keep acting like a heartless bastard and expect us to put up with it. "

The door swung open, and a lean and wiry man stepped out. It looked as if the coat was wearing him more than he wearing it, and he hid behind his thick eyebrows while slumping out of the room. Before turning to leave, presumably to the coffee they kept on the first floor for visitors, he noticed the pair standing outside. "More visitors?"

Before Lavi could protest, Kanda curtly replied, "Yes."

"That arm of his, ah, I just mean you kids are good people. He was stable enough to give permission for the medicine, so in thirty minutes or so he won't be in pain at least. Try to be quiet and don't let him out of bed, since he's already tried that on me." His laugh sounded a bit strained, and it was obvious that he wasn't an experienced doctor. He was probably just one of the locals trying to do his best, but Allen wasn't a normal walk in.

"Got it," Kanda replied and pushed past him.

An irritating and incessant chorus of beeps accompanied by an orchestra of lights that flashed on and off filled the silence of the room.

The room was makeshift, and it looked like some sort of commotion happened, with blood still unmopped on the floor and the sheets stained. There was a table next to the bed with metal equipment and a pile of bloody gauze, so much that Kanda assumed Allen didn't sit still. The vine up his arm was a rich red, although it didn't look like the IV stayed in the first time when he saw the fresh wound.

Lenalee was sitting in a stiff chair, leaned over to hold Allen's hand over the side of the bed. She looked distraught and flustered, with her hair down and puffy cheeks, and didn't even look in Kanda's direction.

He took a few more quiet steps in, and saw Allen, still a dirty mess from the ship. His face and hair still had grime smeared in it from Kanda didn't know what, but assuming that he had to make it through the rotting ship, he didn't want to question it. It looked like they had to cut his shirt off of him, and bandaged and sewed up most of the damage to his abdomen. The wound on his shoulder, however, needed to stay exposed to the air to heal properly, and was worse than he'd anticipated.

"I don't remember him hurting his arm," he murmured while walking over to him. _The skin is black; did the akuma do that?_

Lenalee shot him a jaw-dropped glare and said, "I can't tell if you just choose to be rude or think this is all a joke, but if you're only going to say things like that, then get out!"

The realization almost knocked him over and he looked at Lenalee in disbelief. She shook her head like a disapproving parent would while Lavi joined her next to the bed. Kanda walked over to the bed and got a closer look at his arm. It made sense with parasitic innocence to do something like this, but then why was he wielding a sword when Kanda fought him? And the cloak made no sense either, unreasonably pissing him off whenever he saw it.

He remembered vaguely noticing the strange discoloration in the memories they saw but just assumed it was temporary. This wasn't the same, crimson-bathed skin, anyway; it was like a smooth, charcoal drawing, filling in his forearm and wrapping its way around his arm ending in an intricate design. He'd worked with multiple parasitic types, and it was never this natural looking; this was a whole new level of synchronization, something that was far too unsettling.

"It's rude to stare, you know," Allen said. Kanda glanced up and Allen shot him a sly grin that fought against his current physical condition.

"You don't have to talk to him, Allen," Lenalee said quietly.

Lenalee's treatment of him recently was really starting to grate on his nerves, and now with Lavi on her side he was truly isolated. He wasn't sure how to fix it in the first place, or if it was too late already. _It doesn't matter, anyway. I don't need anyone but myself._

With an extremely pained expression, Allen sat up and replied, "Don't be mad at him for my sake, Lenalee. He had every right to be pissed off at me."

"Being mad is one thing; attacking someone is another!"

"Can we not do this now?" Allen asked, seeming more exasperated about Lenalee's attitude than Kanda was. Lenalee apologized to Allen and the three made small talk, asking about the ship and other details. Kanda opted out on the riveting discussion and found a chair in the corner of the room.

He picked a spot on the floor to stare at, and tried not to focus on the loneliness slowly but steadily tearing up his insides. Allen said he was trying to leave; that's why he went to the Noah. It only made sense that he'd still be trying to leave, and Kanda definitely had heard of Anita's excellence in convincing disappearances.

If Anita got a hold of him, he'd never see Allen again. The fact that it bothered him so much was uncomfortable and a misplaced feeling that wasn't coinciding with common sense. _I never get attached to people, especially people that I hate._

Allen started coughing and they all looked up in worry, even though he promised that he was fine as he held his stomach. Kanda went over to the sink and filled up a glass with water, absent-mindedly picking up a nearby towel, too. Sauntering over and ignoring Lenalee and Lavi's glances, he handed them both to Allen, who graciously accepted.

"It'll go away soon, I'm sure," Allen said as he wiped the substantial amount of blood off his lips and hand.

"Thanks," he said warmly in Kanda's direction, who didn't return the favor. _I certainly don't go around kissing people I hate, either._

He felt reasonably guilty for doing it, but didn't regret it. He didn't regret it in the slightest, and wouldn't regret doing it again when the thought crossed his mind, but the guilt was almost unbearable. _I promised to belong to Alma, forever and always. So what the hell am I doing?_

The medicine was obviously kicking in, and not even that idiot could fight a battle against morphine. Allen was grinning like he was plastered and teaching Lavi British slang, which he seemed to be getting a kick out of.

Lavi was laughing at the random outbursts and starry-eyed glance Allen used as he marveled at the room '_as white as the moon!'. _"In London, they have big ships, but tiny people, and most people don't eat as much as me but that's okay. I'm hungry. Is there any food here?"

_Alma isn't someone who would argue with me, and start unnecessary fights. She always agreed, with that simple curl of her lips that only revealed one dimple._

"Are there lots of hot chicks in England?"

Allen started laughing this time, at God knows what, and squinted hard at the ceiling. "Do you think I could see the sky if I look hard enough? Can we go on the roof? Oh, girls, sure there were pretty ones. Lots of streetwalkers, too, who were pretty but didn't really believe me when I told them that. I never stole from girls, nope. But I don't really fancy girls."

_Alma wasn't a spaz, and was gracious in every honeyed word she spoke. She had grace and poise in every footstep, dancing her ways through the streets even if it only looked like a regular stride to the passerby._

Lavi started coughing on the coffee he swiped from the first floor. "Wait, what?"

Lenalee looked horrified and said, "What do you mean by that, Allen? Were none of those girls your type?"

Allen blinked a couple of times, and looked around as if he were lost. "What am I doing back in a hospital?"

Lavi replied, "Back to the girls thing-"

"Did they catch me again? Shit," Allen seemed irked and fell back into bed with a sigh.

"Catch you again?"

"Edgar's gonna laugh at me again. Where is he?" They all fell silent.

"Allen," Kanda said sternly, "you're not in that hospital anymore."

Allen sat back up, propping his upper body up on both his arms. "Kanda! When did you get here? Can we go out on the roof?"

He tried to wave and forgot that his arm was supporting him, falling over and then laughing like a drunk when his head hit the side of the bed. Lavi just shook his head and started laughing too, until Lenalee hit him and muttered, "Don't laugh at him."

Without skipping a beat, Allen leaned his head back as far as possible and looked as if he were doing a contortionist act. Leaning over so far that he almost fell off the bed, Lenalee tapped him on the shoulder and asked, "Uhm, what are you doing, Allen?"

"Trying to see upside down," he replied nonchalantly. Lenalee was trying her best not to giggle at his amused, kid-on-Christmas expression.

"I can do handstands, do you want to see? I can even do one with only one arm!" Lenalee fluttered up from her seat and tried to keep him from jumping off the bed.

_Alma wasn't very flexible, and he remembered teasing her when she couldn't climb up a tree. She was a better artist, though, and made fun of him when he couldn't even draw a straight line._

"Let's not do any circus stunts when you're injured, okay?" She said lightly while patting him on the head. He pouted slightly, but got over it within seconds.

Lavi spoke up again, still not letting it go, and repeated, "Allen, what was it you said about girls? Have you ever kissed anyone?"

Kanda was not happy at the dangerous territory they'd just crossed, knowing that Allen was a loose cannon who could leave Kanda mortified with the slip of the tongue.

He seemed to be flipping through emotions like a dictionary, suddenly stopping on a random page. "I don't know, it depends on what counts. I do things for money if I need it. And then one time Tyki kissed me-"

"WHAT?!" Lenalee shouted, pushing her chair out from beneath her.

"Kanda was there; it was really awful, now that I think out it," Allen said while laughing.

_Alma never made a fool out of herself, and knew how to use her words. She could shatter glass and stitch silk in the same sentence._

Kanda sighed heavily at the headache that was mounting beneath his temples. "Lenalee, it is impossible to explain-"

"Impossible to explain? Was it impossible to tell us, too?" She looked back over at Allen. "Did you ask him to kiss you?"

"Nope, I think it was because I asked too many questions or something. It's okay though, I jumped out a window," Allen replied and made the sound effect of smashing glass.

"What do questions have to- but why was Kanda- no, you did what?" Lenalee was at a loss for words as she did a double take between Kanda and Allen.

"It happened at the party," Kanda said with a sigh.

"I think Allen needs to be high more often," Lavi said while grinning.

While Lenalee and Kanda battled it out in words, Allen started fussing with the sheets, eventually deciding that his feet should be where his head was, lying on his stomach, and propping his head up with his hands. He kicked his feet back and forth while pulling the sheet over his head like a hood with a sudden withdrawing attitude.

"That demon was scary. I don't like the way the soul looked."

"What do souls look like, Allen?" Lavi asked curiously.

"Here," Allen held out his hand, "I'll show you."

Lavi, not sure what to make of it, grabbed Allen's hand and then he suddenly focused on Kanda, with captivating eyes he couldn't seem to escape. Lavi made a noise of surprise and let go of Allen's hand suddenly. "It's weird, isn't it? Demon's souls are scarier; it's like you're looking at dead people all the time, passing by in crowds and hallways."

"You see them all the time? It's not a temporary thing?"

"It used to be temporary, but now, it's most of the time. I can't avoid the demons, but sometimes I can tune people out as long as they aren't in an extreme mood," he replied.

"Kanda, what are you thinking about?" Allen asked suddenly, his wide eyes suddenly fixed on Allen again. Matching his frosted silver was almost impossible recently, and it was even worse when he was so innocently curious.

"Nothing," he muttered without looking up.

"It's something. I can tell." The stupid grin Allen had was pissing him off.

"It's nothing, Allen," he replied.

"What is it?"

Kanda shifted in his seat and stared off to the side. Raising his voice, he said, "Stop it already, would you?"

Allen sat up in the bed now, and Kanda couldn't tell if he was pretending to pout or actually was. "Why won't you tell me?"

_Alma made the same confusing expression, half sincere and half playing a joke on him._

"Drop it!" Kanda said, standing up from his chair.

"Stop yelling, you guys!" Lavi said.

There was a knock on the door. "It's past time for visitors, would you mind leaving for the night? A man named Komui said he was waiting outside for a Miss Lenalee Lee and her horrible friends."

"You'll be okay for the night, right Allen?" Lenalee looked over and saw him curled up like a cat, heavily breathing.

"I'll take that as a yes," Lavi mused, and pulled up the blanket.

* * *

><p>After a long and silent car ride, Kanda muttered thanks and silently found the energy to lock himself in his dorm. He was soaking wet from an unexpected rainstorm, but sat on his bed anyway and stared at his closet in disdain.<p>

The night was catching up with him, painfully so, and Lavi and Lenalee's words were burning his skin from the inside out. Being angry wasn't working to push away the pain; he'd severely damaged them, and he couldn't find anyone to pin the blame on. Not to mention Allen, sleeping in a foreign hospital in morphine induced coma, torn apart by another worthless night.

It was times like these he felt like crying and cursing out the moon, but he just sat silently, perched on his bed that felt a million miles away.

No matter how much he denied it, Allen was slowly but surely rivaling Alma in importance. He disgusted himself for even putting someone anywhere near her grace.

Recently, he'd been questioning the Alma he'd cherished. Her malice and cold-natured half, in respect toward everything she'd been denied, were painfully obvious suddenly. Maybe it was the naïvety of someone who'd been denied a past and a future, someone who could accept the horrible life they were dealt that unraveled her image.

She wasn't graceful in her hatred toward the wealth he was born into, and the jealousy she clung to with every glance around her never failed to disturb him. It was when her gaze softened as she looked at him, as the jealousy melted into love, that he forgot the stiffness and resentment for the world contained in her nimble frame.

He wondered if the romanticized girl even existed sometimes, or if his own hatred warped the memory of a love he could never quite come to terms with. And then the self-hatred of even questioning her sent him withdrawing further.

_Allen is nothing compared to her; they aren't alike in any way,_ he thought bitterly.

There was a loud boom of thunder.

_You're lying to yourself._

His cell phone started ringing, and he slowly answered it. "Kanda, 'you busy?"

I dedicated my life to making things up to her.

_Why won't you just let go?_

"No," he replied quietly.

"Mind coming down here? I know the weather is shit."

"Yeah, I'll head over now," he said and got up to change.

"You okay?" He hung up the phone and slipped into his boots.

* * *

><p><em>Having to switch bases so often is such a pain,<em> Kanda thought as he walked into the abandoned bar. It was small, shabby, and worthless to even the pettiest of thieves. He sauntered around the bar and tapped a few of the half full bottles behind the counter, before stomping on a floorboard twice. He waited, a little too impatiently, and then stomped again.

"Hold your horses, were comin'!"

"Excuse me?" He felt shifting beneath his feet and stepped back, allowing a trapdoor to rise up.

"Oh! Kanda, I didn't realize-" He brushed past the finder and down the narrow steps.

"Where's Marie?" Kanda asked as a finder ran alongside him to keep up.

The bar was in an unsuspecting, old part of town, and didn't even have a street address. The real work was beneath the floorboards; they'd singlehandedly built catacombs beneath the streets, steel walls like unsuspecting pipe working, except big enough to travel through. To get into any of the secured areas, the real base beneath the ground, it took a card key each member had on them.

He placed the transparent piece of glass into a slot like an ATM. The glass lit up a navy blue, revealing the smudge from his fingerprint, and said his name aloud before the pressurized door opened. He had to hand it to the science department; they sure knew what they were doing.

In fact, most of the science department dissented from the Order as time went on, but it was a slow trickle of people finally getting fed up with whatever they were forced to do. None of them talked about it, no matter who asked. And After seeing Allen's past, Kanda didn't want to know.

He strode through the flocks of people in the main room; they were playing card games and gambling and laughing in drunken stupor. It was a time to celebrate, since they intercepted a major deal in France, acquiring three more pieces of innocence and killing two influential personnel of the Order. When they noticed Kanda, however, they fell silent and sent him a sign of respect, something he resented. They'd always prided themselves on being a democracy, electing certain people to orchestrate missions, and the fact that they sometimes revered him a little too highly undermined what they'd worked so hard for.

This room had dim lighting, making it almost impossible to spot the man he was looking for. Pushing his way over to the far door, he inserted the key again and waited for an obnoxious voice to repeat his name. A couple of people turned around at the sound of his name, and called out for his attention.

With a sigh, he turned and met their beer-blushed faces, brushing off any attempts to embrace him.

"Kanda! Stone cold as ever, I see! Have a drink!" He looked into the cup forced in his hands and back up at the other.

"Thanks, Suman," he muttered and walked through the door.

After another claustrophobic hallway, he listened to the voice that never failed to piss him off and considered kicking the door down instead of waiting for it to open. Just as he assumed, Marie was waiting for him in the science division's wing, which was mostly empty save for a few people tapping away.

"Why am I here, exactly?" Kanda said over Marie's conversation with a researcher.

"Usually I wouldn't call you down here this late, but some finders said there's increased akuma activity about thirty minutes away from town. It's almost positively because of innocence, and you're most suited to lead a couple other exorcists with little difficulty," Marie replied.

"What happened to lying low after that stunt in France?" Kanda grumbled as he flipped through a report handed over to him.

"The Order has their eye on it, too. We either recover it now, or forcefully take it from the Order later. If you aren't up for it-"

"Who's coming with me?"

* * *

><p>There are times when he put himself on autopilot, almost like a spectator to his own actions. Dodge left, right, slice it straight up the middle, backstep, and don't falter in your stride, block, thrust. Repeat.<p>

They were a few minutes too late, and the Order was already swarming the deep thrush of forest they were so desperately clawing their way through. The lateness, however, was somewhat of an advantage, as most of the akuma were long gone. It was an all out war of attrition now, with them outnumbered, but that was usually how things happened.

_Seven,_ he thought as his sword went straight through the heart of another weak enemy.

_Eight,_ he counted when he successfully slashed apart the person sneaking up behind him.

Blood spattered and he noticed one or two horrified Order members fall back, tripping over roots and vines as they fought to escape. Suma haughtily approached their terrified struggles, laughing as they shot off their guns until drawing blanks.

"You're using innocence equipped guns on an exorcist? How stupid are you?" There were two screams, and soon enough, the forest regained its quiet and watchful nature.

Kanda was still breathing heavily, looking around at the trees in search of any stragglers. Covered in blood, he tried to wipe off his hands in disgust.

"Can you believe they've made it possible for regular idiots to use innocence? The Order is fuckin' disgusting," an amature follower said as he retrieved the innocence still in the hands of a dead enemy.

"Kanda? You okay?" He suddenly noticed his hands were trembling, but straightened up when he met the worried glances of the others.

He nodded, and they made a call for a clean up team while heading back.

_Allen would be horrified with me for mindless slaughter. Alma would be proud of me for shoving the Order's attitude right back up their asses._

"You really saved my ass back there! I totally didn't see that jackass behind me!"

For once, he was disgusted with himself and unable to shake it off. He tried to remind him of the cause, that these lost lives weren't in vain, and that he was doing what was right. _But this amount of death,_ he thought as he stepped over a body with slashes up and down, left and right, so many he couldn't count,_ was something unjustifiable._

"Kanda, did you get hurt or something?" Suman asked worriedly.

"I just haven't been sleeping well," he replied gruffly.

_Set yourself back on autopilot. One foot in front of the other. Pick up the phone, give a report, and hang up. Hurry back to base, make sure the innocence stays secure, and pick off any followers that catch up._

"I'm sure you'll sleep well tonight! You did great out there! You know, everyone around here really looks up to you, even though you can't stand us," He said with a deep laugh, and the other exorcist joined in.

* * *

><p>He stoically met up with Marie, giving him the gist of what happened.<p>

"Kanda," he faltered when he saw the blank look in his eyes, "I promise we'll be lying low for a while, after this. The Order is going to be furious, which means they'll have more spies out than they already do. About that white figure you wanted us to look into-"

"Forget it. It's no longer a priority," Kanda replied.

"What's going on with you? You were ready to have that coat hanging over your fireplace!"

"We don't need to provoke the Noah; it's their strike that will allow us to deliver the last blow to Lvellie. Don't worry about it anymore."

"At least hear me out. I don't think it sides with the Noah; it seems like some sort of neutral party. A finder spotted it once, hanging out in a graveyard all night long, and said it singlehandedly destroyed a level three akuma. I think we should try to make contact, because whoever controls it could be a serious ally!"

_Allen, what have you been doing?_

"It sided with the Noah once, who says he won't again? It's too risky, so just drop it," Kanda muttered.

Marie's jaw tightened, only to fall into a sigh. "Go get some rest, would you?"

Kanda didn't reply and dismally made his way out of the building, ignoring cheers and beckons for his attention. It was drizzling, and soon enough his boots were splashing in pools on the cracked sidewalk. He wasn't sure what led him here, but suddenly he was standing in front of the empty lot where Allen's home used to be. The wood was gone, and it was only muddy plot encased in a charred fence.

Someone, maybe all the surrounding residents, erected a polished stone in the center of the plot. There were rotting flowers and fresh ones drowning in the steady flow of rain, along with candles long put out by the unfavorable weather. He walked into the mud, boots sticking as the muck pulled him in, and got a better look at the tombstone.

He couldn't switch off his feelings this time; it was like the switch was broken. He fell to his knees in the mud, no longer caring. These clothes were stained in blood, anyway. Bitter tears were stinging the corner of his eyes, feeling acidic as they threatened to reveal the weakness he felt.

_The people he murdered tonight; were they going to have graves tended to?_

_What justified murder?_

* * *

><p>He ignored the way the woman driving the brightly lit bus looked at him, muddied and dark with soaking wet hair covering his face.<p>

He ignored the way the nurse dismally looked at him, pausing as she typed away with a half asleep expression in the dark lobby.

He ignored the way the janitor cursed him out as he stormed past, tracking mud and water with every empty footstep.

The door in front of him was no obstacle, and he pulled open the door with a shaky hand. The light from the hallway carved an indent in the darkness of the room, causing a sleepy Allen to lazily pull himself up to a sitting position. He rubbed at his eyes like a cat, and then squinted at the figure in the doorway. His voice was a few shades deeper and a little slurred. "Kanda? What are you doing here?"

He didn't know why he was here.

Through a yawn, Allen sleepily mumbled, "You're getting mud everywhere. And you're dripping wet. And it's the middle of the night."

Allen peered over his shoulder at a fearful nurses face and called out, "Don't worry, Miss Elena. He's a friend of mine." She gave a half-hearted nod, and the click of her shaky heels echoed until the silence engulfed it.

"Can I stay here for the night?" Kanda asked quietly.

Allen tried to blink the sleep out his eyes and replied, "Who's stopping you?"

Kanda took a few steps forward before falling into a nearby chair. There was a long, unbroken silence as he stared at the floor, watching small drips and waterfalls from his hair fall on the floor.

Allen eventually pulled himself out of the bed, holding to the side for support, and grabbed a bag behind the frame. Kanda noticed he was only wearing sweatpants, with his arm fully exposed. He seemed to notice it too, trying to block it as much as possible without being obvious.

"Here. Komui brought me some clothes, and if you don't change you're going to end up getting sick," Allen said as he pulled out a particularly large sweater. He also pulled out a button down and slipped it on, carefully avoiding the IV's. Kanda blankly stared back, a little mortified when he noticed the clean cuts on Allen's hip. They were identical to the bodies he stepped over only hours before.

"It's really not that bad, really," Allen muttered and quickly buttoned up the oversized shirt, so long that it covered his hands. "It was a heat of the moment thing, so I don't really blame-"

_I tried to kill Allen._

Suddenly he was throwing up, dizzy and disoriented on the bathroom floor. Cursing as he untangled himself from a mess of tubes, Allen ran over to his hunched figure over the toilet. "Jesus, are you sick or something?"

Kanda shook his head, not being able to voice a response. Allen coaxed him up and out of the bathroom; pulling off his wet jacket and looking him square in the face with a determined glare. "What happened?"

_I'm really losing it, aren't I?_

"Sheesh, making a sick person take care of you," Allen muttered as he pulled off his shirt and slipped on the sweater he offered. As he walked over to the sink, he noticed the bloodstains on the shirt he was holding and glanced at Kanda. Not saying anything, he brought a glass of water back over and placed it in his hand.

"I'm not going to take off your shoes, Cinderella," Allen teased, but his mood soured when he didn't get so much as a rise out of Kanda.

Kanda took off his boots, and Allen aligned them with the rest of his ruined clothing as he changed into some sweatpants.

With a yawn, Allen climbed unsteadily back into bed and eyed Kanda, staring off into space. "Hurry up already."

"I was just going to sit over-"

"No," Allen said while rolling his eyes, "You weren't planning on sleeping at all, were you? You haven't been sleeping recently; I can see it written all over your face. Humor me, would you?"

He_ hadn't_ been sleeping; every mission he went on left him glaringly awake and even more detached from the reality he lived in. He reluctantly climbed into the bed, apologizing when he tugged on one of Allen's wires.

A long silence followed, until Kanda unemotionally asked, "Allen, what would you do if everything suddenly stopped," he paused, a little unsure of what he felt, "making sense?"

With the same lack of emotion Kanda had, Allen quietly mumbled into his pillow, "What do you think I've done my whole life?"

* * *

><p>"Mr. Walker?"<p>

"Mr. Walker, are you awake?" Allen cracked an eye open, and noticed the knocking on the door.

Kanda was warm, even if Allen wasn't, and a quick peek at the window behind him showed that it was still raining. He regretted untangling himself from Kanda almost immediately, but knew he had to get the door before the nurse barged in. Allen wasn't really sure he'd ever seen the other sleep so soundly, and it didn't even lighten his dark circles in the slightest. He didn't even stir when Allen crawled out of bed.

Beside the door, he noticed the pile of wet, muddied, and bloodied clothes and grimaced. He ignored his desire for answers and cracked the door open, meeting the warm smile of a nurse.

"Sorry to wake you this early," she said.

"Don't worry about it," Allen said lightly, but a yawn betrayed him.

She laughed, before continuing, "You have a visitor."

"Is it Lavi or Lenalee? You could've sent them right up," Allen replied, but decided it was a good thing she asked when he remembered the other sleeping in his bed.

"No, it's someone else. He says he was an old family friend who recognized you on the pier and wanted to check up on you," she replied, looking lost in thought.

Allen went on the defensive._ Family friend? Impossible. Has the Order already found me?_

"I don't think it's someone I know," Allen said warily.

She looked slightly confused. "He said to tell you his name was Adam, a good friend of, shoot, what was the name? Mana, I think, was who he mentioned. Either that, or an Anna. Whatever the case, I certainly don't think he looks dangerous."

Mana?

"Tell him I'll be right down," Allen said, eyes wide. The Order wouldn't know about Mana. Was this some sort of joke?

She looked slightly worried at his pale expression, and added, "Allen, we may look like poor hospital workers, but there's no way we'd let someone harm one of our patients."

"I'm probably worried over nothing," Allen said, and softened his expression. She nodded and headed off, leaving Allen in the silence of his room.

He quickly changed into more presentable clothes, and looked over at Kanda before he headed out._ I hope one day, you'll be able to trust me well enough to tell me what's going on._

* * *

><p><strong><em>(Was this chapter boring? Apologies if the Kanda side of things was <strong><em> uninteresting<em>**!)_**

**_The Earl suddenly reappears! What does this mean?!_**


	20. Rash Actions Lead to Bad Reactions

Lenalee glanced in the mirror once more, pulling her hair up and away from her face. She smoothed down the front of her coat and pulled at the hem of her skirt before locking the door.

It was early, early enough for no one to be awake, and late enough to not be suspicious.

In retrospect, she knew it was a bad idea and reminded herself of all the trivial details that nibbled away at her plan. But there was only so much one could put up with, and as she brushed the bench before taking an apprehensive seat, it was long since decided that she shouldn't have to put up with it.

Someone else also believed it was a bad idea, with a dash more pessimism, but still hurried over to sit next to Lenalee in the morning twilight. She shook the bench with her shivers and decided that standing was a better option. The fog that fell on the cities in the morning was good for secrecy, but bad for bus schedules.

It was quiet for a while, Lenalee not even daring to look up at the owner of the trembling shoes next to her. However, she remembered how the other's hands did not shake for once, as she confronted Lenalee not to do this.

_Miranda,_ she thought as the bus groaned to a halt, _had a way of using words that were pure that you couldn't help but to understand_. Understanding wasn't this issue, of course, because Lenalee understood what she was doing.

Climbing on the bus, they both sat down next to each other in a hushed silence of bitter coffee and of a sleepy heater beneath their feet. Lenalee looked at her own feet and glowered, with a twinge of guilt pulling at the corners of her mouth.

Everyone had been reinstated with his or her innocence as of last week. The synchronization went well for everyone, except some innocence had been "edited", as one man said. _To make it better, safer, for pretty little ladies like you,_ he had chided as he handed her a pair of ankle cuffs.

Beneath her thigh-high socks, she could feel the red rings rubbing against her inner ankles, remembering that cross-shaped rash they left.

Miranda admitted that her innocence had never been taken away, and Lenalee wondered why the innocence was collected in the first place, and why they were suddenly getting it back. Nasty rumors were spreading, of losing lots of members in combat to akuma. But worst of all, were the rumors of the exorcists that dissented and the horrors of a new side of the war. _Of Kanda._

The bus came to another painful stop, and they both exited the bus while thanking the driver. Dropped off in the inner city, Lenalee marveled at how tall some of these buildings reached. Miranda kept her head low to the ground and took small steps, as if the sidewalk cracks were tightropes.

They stopped in front of a towering building, structurally similar to that of the corporations around. In a sense, this was just another boring corporation, making her just an average workaholic coming in early.

"Lenalee," Miranda hesitated in front of the darkened lobby, "are you sure about this?"

"I am."

"I," she glanced between the doorknob and then back at Lenalee with a nod, "Okay."

_I can't live in a world of not knowing anymore; rumors don't make for sound framework of any decision. Answers are the only way I can move forward. _

_I have to move forward._

"Don't feel like you have to come for my sake," she said, softening her tone. Miranda shook her head, and instead followed her in. There was a sleepy attendant, breathing in more coffee than air, who noticed them with a wave of the hand.

"Lenalee, Miranda! What brings you two here so early?" the man asked while yawning.

Well-rehearsed and cheerfully, she replied, "My brother left something here that he needs to finish by noon, and sent me to get it. Miranda here insisted on coming along, even though I think I'd be perfectly fine alone!"

"It's not safe, and you know it!" Miranda fiercely replied.

"Lenalee, I'm with Miranda on this one. Especially when you both have innocence now; those anti-Order folks will pick you right off the street. That guy in the fourth squad got jumped on his way to work yesterday," the man trailed off in reverence, "I hope he's okay. I haven't been able to swing by the hospital yet."

"I didn't hear of this," Lenalee said with wide eyes.

"We were trying not to spread it around; people might start freaking out. Hell, I think we should be freaking out at this point." Miranda and Lenalee fell silent as he worriedly rubbed his brow.

"I'm sure things will work out. At least the threat is human, and not demon," he said gingerly. They exchanged goodbyes.

Casually taking the elevator, they stopped at the immediate floor above and crisscrossed halls until stopping at a service elevator, one that led down instead of up. It wasn't groomed but still functional, and Lenalee slowed down her breathing as it shuttered. Rusty gears pulled them down, farther and farther beneath the building.

Anything she wanted to know wasn't common enough to be saved electronically; no, that was too open, too obvious. All the research and alleged rumors would have to be beneath their feet, in the floors that didn't even exist on the map.

"Are humans really easier to fight than demons?" Miranda murmured silently.

Lenalee didn't respond, and they both slipped on masks to veil their faces even though it wouldn't be difficult to figure out if stopped. She tucked her trademark hair into a hat and fitted it tightly, using the elevator reflection to check her appearance.

The elevator shuttered to a stop, and the creaky doors opened to reveal nothing but darkness. Lenalee flipped out her phone and held it close to the ground, realizing that a marbled floor was one step away.

"It's so dark down here," Lenalee muttered as she mentally cursed herself for not bringing a flashlight. It would've looked too suspicious in her handbag, anyway.

She took a couple of steps out with her hands in front of her, eventually bumping into something. Running her hands up the structure, she realized it was slightly taller than her and made of some sort of wood. Miranda was to her left, and found the same structure.

"Bookcases? Or maybe just shelves. That would mean we're in an archive of some sort," Miranda speculated as she used her own phone to look around.

"Bingo," Lenalee murmured as she found the letters, "C" and "D" inscribed on the side of the shelves. Miranda's shelf had "D" and "E" written on it.

"Can you go grab me Kanda Yuu's file?" Lenalee listed off two other files she wanted in that direction.

"Kanda? What do you need with it?" Miranda whispered.

Lenalee bit her lip, and replied, "I just need to check something. It's probably nothing. I'll be up in the 'A' section if something goes wrong." Miranda looked as if she wanted to ask why, but instead nodded and they separated.

Afraid but still assured, she counted the bookshelves until she was at the "A". It didn't take long for her to realize that she could spend hours in here, reading through all the differently marked experiments, sprinkled with the names of exorcists. The name she wanted, however, was nowhere to be found.

A worn file, dirtied unlike the rest of the catalogued vanilla folders, suddenly drew her attention. It was impossible to tell why that particular file drew her attention; many others in the bookcase were worn out. But this file, delicately picked off the shelf, only had one sheet of paper inside.

The sheet had scribbles, blurred by time, and a giant stamp at the top that read, "Redirect from London Branch". There was a sticky note attached to the side of the folder that read, in neat handwriting, "Moved to Section 01". She placed the file back in place, adrenaline rushing through her veins.

The shelf beside the A's had '09' written on it, and she picked up the pace. 04... 03... 02….

Almost all the files on this shelf clearly had the word classified written in red ink across the flap, along with the seal she recognized vaguely. This shelf only had files transferred from the London Branch of the Order.

Her hands trembled when she saw the name she'd been searching for, and she bent down to grab the file. It was wrapped in a rubber band so that it wouldn't fall out from the bulging files within. By far, this was one of the largest files she'd come across.

Case Study A31W3: Allen Walker.

She couldn't bring herself to open it, and to her left, she noticed another sobering name. Case Study L22F4: Edgar Foster. She pulled that file from the shelf too, noticing that it was less heavy. The picture attached made her recognize him immediately, along with the profiling sheet. Dark hair, hazel eyes, 5'7", 46 KG. A large, black stamp on the bottom.

Deceased.

There was a light from behind her. "Who's there?"

"Ah, J-Johnny?" Lenalee mouthed out, shoving the file back in and hiding the other behind her back.

"What are you," he tilted his head slightly, with an arm full of files and a coffee cup in the other, "Doing down here exactly? Is that you under there, Lenalee?"

"I," she was flustered and shaking; _this could be it for me_. She took off the mask and smiled cluelessly, hoping this wasn't as bad as it looked. It probably was.

"Does everyone get to work this early?" She forced out nervously.

"Nope, just me. I've been working overtime because of this," he stopped with a pale face. "What's going on?"

"Johnny, are you a part of all of this? I mean," she'd flipped through enough of the files to realize that Allen wasn't the only case study; there were twenty different ones, some ongoing.

He looked frightened, eyes heavy from a weight Lenalee could only imagine, hiding behind glasses as if they would shield him from what was going on outside.

"Last year, they told me this was the right thing to do. That we were doing the right thing; creating things to help people," Lenalee followed his light as he led them through the dark space, "We don't do human experiments here, anymore, if that's what you're asking. They were stopped before I came."

He stopped at a desk and turned on a lamp. "Because you're down here, I guess that means you aren't siding with the Order anymore."

"That's not true, I just," Lenalee's protest trailed off.

"I would_, want, _to leave, too. Reinstating everyone with innocence means that things are going sour; you'd be doing the right thing." He opened one of the files he was carrying and looked over it for a moment. His hands were shaking the papers.

"When did you realize that everything was falling apart, Johnny? Why are you still working for these people, even if they're doing things like this?" She pulled her mask back in place.

"I remember the first time Leville walked through those doors. I was helping develop a revolutionary weapon; a mimic of the atomic bomb, except tainted with innocence. The plan was that when it was used, all the corrupt individuals and military personnel would die, but the civilians would be safe. When we finished the work, sold the prototype, and they dropped the bomb in a warring country, the explosive force increased tenfold the original bomb. Nothing was there for miles, except for torn up soil. And when I asked myself why no one survived, I wondered if it was because no one was pure enough at heart to survive," he faltered as he looked back up at Lenalee, "or if I just killed two hundred thousand people."

"And, did the exorcist rumored to have turned into a Fallen One-"

"It's true. I wasn't involved, but I, I saw it." Lenalee gripped the file she was holding tighter.

"I haven't left because, maybe, I could turn this around from the inside out. I've been trying so hard to make this up to everyone, but I haven't been able to fix anything." Lenalee tried to speak words of comfort, but he yelled over her, "I'm just lying to myself, aren't I? I'm still here because I'm too scared to do anything!"

_I pretended to be blind to all of this because I was doing the same thing, wasn't I? Kanda was right; I am too naive. I'm too weak to protect anyone._

"Johnny," she responded softly, "I'm just like you, too-"

"What are you doing here?!" Lenalee didn't have time to react as someone came up behind her and grabbed her throat.

"I asked you, what are you doing here? Johnny, what's going on? I was notified when the service elevator was used!" Lenalee knew the voice; it was that of Howard Link, Leville's personal shadow. It was stupid of her to think it would be this easy; of course they had measures set up to prevent intruders.

"I was forcing Johnny to tell me everything he knew," Lenalee forced out through her clamped throat.

"Hey, wait a second," Johnny said, shocked.

He snatched the file from her hand and said quietly, "Why do you have this?"

When she didn't answer, he yelled, "Why are you sifting through the archives? This is considered treason, you know! Why are you looking into," his eyes widened at the sight of the name.

"How do you know who this is?" She didn't answer a single question, and looked over at Johnny desperately. Everything was going dark, back to the darkness she hated.

"Answer me! How much did you read?" Link sounded much too upset, losing his stoic composure somewhere along the way, with a frantic look in his eyes.

"Time Record!"

Suddenly Lenalee was dropped and able to breathe, heaving in as much air as possible. She looked up, and realized that Link was frozen, and looked over to her left. Miranda was standing there, holding up her innocence desperately.

"Miranda, what did you do?" Lenalee asked as she noticed Link's unblinking stature, still with his hand out from where Lenalee's neck was.

"The Order has had me training with my innocence, and it's gotten so strong that I can freeze pockets of time, but not for long. The first time I did it, I passed out after a few seconds, but now," she looked determined even though she was breaking out in a sweat, "I can hold it a little longer, maybe an hour. They won't notice any time passed, but I can't erase memories. I'm so sorry that I was too late."

"You saved me, Miranda, don't be sorry. So, we have an hour to get as far away as possible," she said as she took Allen's file back from Link's hand and replaced it with one off the shelf. Hopefully, it would take him a few minutes to realize he had the wrong one; buying time was her only option.

Facing Johnny, she sternly said, "Johnny, you aren't weak. You're one of the only ones brave enough to stay."

"Lenalee, what you told him- you're going to get in serious trouble!"

"He didn't see my face, did he? Stick to the story. Tell them I forced my way out, too. If this is the last time we see each other," she smiled beneath the mask and then turned away, "Let everyone know that I'm sorry."

"Lenalee!"

* * *

><p><em>Thirty-three minutes and counting,<em> she thought as the car sped up. After she made the phone call and Miranda and she climbed in, an unbroken silence played on repeat.

"Sorry I didn't get here quicker," Lavi said quietly as he tried to navigate the winding roads. A swift rain was beating against the windshield and drumming on the roof of the car.

The came to a stop, and Lenalee looked behind her seat at Miranda. "You were never there, okay?"

"Why did you need Kanda's file? And why did you need," she paused as she looked at the folder on Lenalee's lap.

"It's better if you don't know," Lenalee said quietly.

Miranda couldn't get out of range of the building, or else the record would break and Link would be free to move again. Miranda looked rather hurt, but said, "I can't try to understand what's going on, but I'll hold Link for as long as possible. Please, be safe."

She climbed out and ran through the rain towards an apartment building. Lavi didn't wait to see if she made it inside, and sped off.

"So, we have thirty-five minutes now, plus the time it takes Link to put it together," Lavi said.

"The hospital now has Allen's name on record, so," she tried not to think about it.

"So they have a paper trail to follow and find him. It's going to take us at least thirty minutes to get there; has Kanda picked up the phone yet?"

"No," she said miserably, eyes latched on the file in front of her. Unable to look at Allen's, she opened up Kanda's earlier. There were stacks of criminal files, attached with Order personnel's profiles with the word Deceased at the bottom. Kanda's file was almost half the size of Allen's.

Lavi noticed what she was looking at but didn't say anything, unable to fathom words. Sometimes language was useless.

She noticed some wax-sealed papers near the very back of the file, and pried them open, almost ripping the first page with the words _Second Exorcist Project_ written on it. And in that moment, she learned exactly what anger felt like, an uncontrollable mix of pity and fear and all the emotions in between. Within the packet was also the file for another.

Case Study (TWO-EX) A001K0: Alma Karma.

* * *

><p>Allen was mentally running through a list of people he knew as he headed down the stairs, politely making conversation with the nurse. No matter how hard he tried, the name Adam didn't ring a bell. Apparently he'd recognized his Allen's face on the dock last night and been worried ever since<em>. I don't buy it<em>.

He definitely didn't recognize the man hunched over his chair in the lobby, holding a full cup of coffee going cold. Maybe in his twenties or thirties with slightly disheveled hair, it seemed as if he half-heartedly made attempted to look nice but failed somewhere along the way. The darkness beneath his eyes and five o'clock shadow meant something was definitely bothering the man.

"Allen, " the man said hoarsely, and then cleared his throat. "It's good to see you up."

"I guess that makes you Adam, right? It's so kind of you to take time out of your day to come see someone."

The lobby was empty; even the receptionist was blending in with the cream walls. Allen took a seat next to him, graciously accepting some coffee, and stared out the window. The rain was the only one to break the silence, in a soft pitter-patter against the glass.

"Shit weather, huh?" Allen quietly agreed, then shifted in his seat to face the man.

"If you don't mind me being rather blunt, what exactly brought you here?" He felt as if he were talking to a broken doll.

"Oh, I guess this is a bit strange. Your last name, I just noticed," he faltered.

"Walker is a pretty common surname; it's hardly a good enough reason to come all the way out here in this weather," Allen replied with a laugh.

"I grew up around here; well, I wasn't born here, and my family lived a town over. But I worked at this port as a teenager, along with some good childhood friends," he rubbed his stubble and Allen began to question this man's sanity, "Of course, none of them are around anymore." He suddenly shook himself free of the past's grasps and looked at Allen's strange expression.

"You're probably wondering why I'm bothering you, huh? One of my good buddies, Mana-"

"Mana?!" Allen shouted, stopping himself midway through.

The man's eye's lit up, "So you do know him!"

Allen regretted his outburst almost immediately, but nodded. "I'm guessing you know he's gone, too?"

Allen nodded again, this time staring at his cup. "Before I tell you why I came, can I ask you a strange question?"

Allen consented, and as the man took a gulp of coffee, he blinked his left eye until his vision was inverted. There was a heavy, oppressing aura surrounding him, like liquid tar and coffee grounds. The pain and pressure made it impossible to get a good look, but the one glance he stole told him everything; this man had no soul.

"Did Mana ever mention a brother? Maybe," he stopped when he noticed Allen doubled over in pain, "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, it's fine," Allen grunted as he squeezed his eye shut. _No soul? What was that horrible, black aura?_ "It's probably from last night, no big deal. What were you saying? A brother?"

Allen never questioned a thing about Mana's family, something he regretted now. "No, he never mentioned his family. I assumed he didn't have one."

"So the name, 'Neah', doesn't ring any bells?" Allen felt his heart skip a beat, but couldn't place a name or a face.

"No, I'm sorry I couldn't be of any help," Allen said as he followed him to the door. The man held out a tentative hand, which Allen hastily shook, and then looked back up at Allen with a peculiar glance. He took another glance between Allen's hand and his face before turning away.

"Allen, I was the one who," he stopped and pulled open the door to leave, "I came here to apologize. I was the one who dropped you off at the Order when you were young."

With that, he left, leaving Allen wide-eyed in front of the door as he walked dismally through the rain. Allen shook off his shock within moments and threw open the doors. "Wait!"

The rain was starting to soak his clothes and his bare feet nearly slipped on the steps down to the street. He almost broke off into a run after him, until someone yanked harshly on his collar.

"We'll take it from here." He recognized that voice; unfortunately, along with the never ceasing smoke cloud that followed.

"Tyki? What is going on?" Allen asked, as the other stood beneath an umbrella.

"My dear Allen, you don't look well enough to be out of bed. You'll catch a cold in weather like this," he replied.

"Answer me! Why are you here?" Allen shouted.

"The Earl finally shows up after six months; of course we're going to have to take this opportunity. Of all places, he's been strolling down memory lane," Tyki murmured as he looked around.

"The Earl?"

"I know you aren't that thick. Is it rude to ask what he wanted from you? Strange that he only wanted to talk," he said as he blew out smoke.

_That was the Earl? No. It wasn't. Couldn't be._ "He didn't say much, and sure didn't act like the Earl I remember," Allen muttered. He stopped;_ why would the Earl purposefully bring me to the Order? It couldn't have been him. Not possible._

"He's been a bit off lately, I'll give you that." Tyki pursed his lips. He flicked his cigarette away and continued, "You know, Allen, something's been bothering me ever since I saw those marks Cross put on your arms."

Allen tried to follow after him as he strolled down the sidewalk but he brought a swift elbow behind him, knocking Allen in the lungs and slipping in the water. "I can't tell if Cross was deliberately provoking the Earl, or if he has some other motive."

"Tell me what's going on already, bastard!"

Trying to get back up only to be smacked back down by the leather of a boot, Tyki said, "You're better off lying there. It's not like you to get so angry; if only you had the strength to match it. I'm sure that would be," he picked Allen up by the collar, "To see someone like you in such a raw and emotional state would be-"

"I'll actually throw up if you keep talking," Allen replied.

"Such a tease," Tyki said while clicking his tongue, seemingly indifferent_. _Without skipping a beat, Tyki dialed a number on his cellphone and smirked in Allen's direction.

"Yes, I happened to notice one of your patients left the lobby and, dear me," Allen felt an unexpected foot sweep under his heels, "he seems to have fallen. This weather is no good for the ill of health, is it? Yes, you have a nice day, too."

Allen was already coughing up blood and cursing at the pulled stitches; he was so frail that it was pathetic.

"It's better you get as far away from the fickle Earl, Allen. Especially if he's figured out what's going on," Tyki said with a wave.

"Why am I always being put in the dark? Damn it, Tyki!" Allen yelled in frustration, as he couldn't pull himself up without causing searing pain in his shoulder. His fist slammed into a nearby puddle, rippling until it settled back to show his own upset expression.

_Pathetic._

* * *

><p>He made his way up the stairs, assuring the nurse he was fine and getting only an earful of scolding in response. He regrettably leaned against her to make it back to his room.<p>

Without knocking, he opened the door and said, "Hey, BaKanda, you better be awake you sleepy-"

_Oh,_ he thought quietly when he noticed Kanda perched on the side of the bed with a shoulder pressing his phone to his ear and a blank expression. Allen sauntered over to where his phone was lying and reluctantly checked it. There was a missed call from an unknown number, a voicemail to boot, along with two texts from Lenalee. Kanda's phone fell silent with a single click.

"Why are you soaking wet?" Allen didn't look over at Kanda.

**Lenalee: Allen! get ur name off the hospital's records if u can**

"I asked you a question, idiot. Where'd you disappear to, anyway?" Telling him about the Earl wasn't an option. It couldn't have been the Earl.

**Lenalee: me and lavi are coming to the hospital right now. be ready to leave**

"Be ready to leave?" Allen murmured as he looked at the strange texts. Kanda looked over his shoulder and eyed the strange messages.

"Did she say anything to you?" Kanda made a motion to feel his pockets but stopped.

"I don't have my other cell on me," he muttered.

"Are you so important that you need two cell phones?" Allen snatched Kanda's phone from him before he could react and unlocked it.

_None of the numbers are saved,_ he thought in disappointment. "Give it back."

Allen easily dodged a deft grab for the phone, and dodged another while laughing. There was a storm brewing within Kanda's eyes, and the lull of silence he reserved was unnerving. _For once_, Allen thought, _maybe he should lose his cool_.

"I really don't have time for stupid things like this. Just hand me the phone," Kanda replied irritably.

"I'll give it back, if," Allen quickly stepped back as Kanda tried to take it again, "You tell me what's been bothering you lately."

"I'm fine. Done. Now hand it back." Kanda's teeth were gritted as he spit out the words, and his movements were mechanical. _I've been so caught up in myself lately that I haven't even noticed how much __Kanda's fallen apart__, too. _

"Isn't that what women say when they're angry?" His hip collided with the side of the bed after Kanda shoved him with no mercy.

"Why can't you just tell me what the hell your problem is?!"

"Because you're part of the problem!" Kanda spat back. Allen blinked a couple of times, realizing he'd somehow gotten a response and didn't know what to do with it.

"Lenalee is pissed because I didn't do anything about Cross!"

They all avoided talking about that night, purposefully so. Allen pursed his lips and replied, "I would've told her it wasn't a big deal. Why didn't you just ask me?"

Kanda's jaw tightened at Allen's words. _Does he blame himself for what happened with Cross?_ "Lavi's mad because I attacked you!"

" And I would've told him that-"

"And I can't do my damn job right because I can't fight anyone without thinking of the time I tried to attack you, back in the alley! It was easy, to fight and kill before, but-" He trailed off, losing steam as his anger burned off to reveal the rawness beneath.

"The second you sympathize with the enemy, you become weak," Allen replied.

"Why are you trying to justify everything? Aren't you mad at all?"

"Do you want me to be mad?"

"Damn it Allen, Maybe I do, if it'd get you to quit acting like that!" Kanda shoved him, visibly upset rather than angry.

"Quit acting like what?" Allen shoved him back.

"Like everything's perfectly fine! You're not willing to blame anyone but yourself and wear that stupid, fake smile of yours!"

"What am I supposed to do? Do you want me to tell you that it _might've hurt_ when you slashed my skin open? I protected you and saved your ass; you could've at least had my back! Should I walk up to Cross and say that he's a bastard and a poor excuse for a caretaker? Would crying and complaining about being treated as a lab experiment do anything? What's the point?"

"Well, it'd make you seem less transparent," Kanda murmured._ Was he just messing with me? Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?!_

It was times like these that Allen felt small compared to Kanda, as he towered over him with a smug expression while Allen glared daggers back. The silence returned, trying to replace the gaps their words tore. He wondered if Kanda regretted kissing him; they hadn't had a stable conversation since. In fact, this argument was one of the few conversations they'd ever shared.

Kanda was still standing in front of him, and Allen noticed his hand was out. The phone behind his back became apparent, and he placed the phone in his hand and impulsively leaned in.

Regret was an afterthought, and a misguided one at that, as Kanda pulled him in and matched his delicate advance with the same intimacy. It didn't take long, however, for them both to give up on the innocent front of a simple kiss. Allen's lips lingered for a moment as he pulled away to breathe, and he muttered, "This isn't exactly what friends do, is it?"

Kanda gripped his hips tighter and murmured, "I don't remember considering you a friend."

He smirked as he roughly pressed his lips against Allen's, pressing him back on the bed. Allen tried to ignore the stress from his injuries and focus on the fire on his lips, with hands starting to wander and breaths growing choppier.

There was a knock on the door, and Allen suddenly realized that Lenalee left some rather urgent texts he never responded to. Attempting to pull away was difficult, and Kanda took advantage of his weakness by pinning him down further and biting his lip.

Holding in a moan, he whispered, "Kanda, we're going to get caught if you don't-" His breathing hitched and he soon realized that not only was Kanda ignoring him, purposefully so, he was also biting at the crossroad between his neck and collarbone.

"The door is locked," Kanda murmured back when he saw the hesitation in Allen's eyes.

"Allen! Are you awake?" He eyed the door reluctantly; unable to think of what could possibly be so important. As he opened his mouth to respond, Kanda shut it and silenced his words with his tongue. He gave up his attempt at being the responsible one and let himself melt into the kiss lips parted and fingers tangled in hair.

"Allen, I know you're awake by now! Open this door or so help me I will kick it down!" Allen untangled himself from Kanda's hair, accidentally pulling on the silken strands. A moan slipped out from the other's lips and surprised them both.

Smirking, Allen took the moment to yell, "Sorry, Lenalee. I'll come unlock it!"

Saving hair pulling as important things to file later, he straightened his clothes and opened the door. "Jesus, Allen, did that medicine turn you into a heavy sleeper?"

_Medicine,_ Allen remembered. The nurses gave him more when he was toted back indoors this morning. And if he was assuming correctly, it was the same dose as last night, the night he couldn't remember to save his life.

"We have to go, now," Lenalee said while collecting all his things.

"What's going on?" Allen asked frantically.

Lavi opened his mouth to reply, but then suspiciously eyed the bathroom as the light flipped off. Kanda stepped out, looking as apathetic as usual, and matched Lavi's stare.

"He came to visit me this morning," Allen replied nonchalantly. Lavi narrowed his eyes at the muddy, red clothes in the corner but didn't provoke the situation.

"Okay, we're out of here. I went to the front desk and they complied to have your records destroyed so, if we beat the clock, then we might be okay," Lenalee murmured as she stepped out into the hall.

"What's going on?" Kanda asked this time.

"The Order could be heading here any minute," Lavi replied.

Allen lingered in the doorway for a moment, rubbing his eyes as he noticed something across the room. It was as if one of the doors grew darker for a moment, opened, and then shut once more to reveal a slim figure. He squinted but soon recognized the skip in the step and haircut to boot.

Before he could fathom the words to speak, she hushed him with a finger. He looked over and saw the three fighting, Lenalee more vitriolic than ever; he needed to fix that for Kanda.

"Tyki tells me the Earl showed up to see you," she said while eyeing him curiously.

"What was Tyki talking about, before he left? What did he figure out that I didn't?"

"I said I wouldn't say anything but," she stopped and looked over at the three, "you're pretty messed up right now, aren't you? You've got the word dope written all over that sleepy face of yours."

He lit up bright red, but she continued, "The Earl is looking for someone, or a particular soul in general. Or at least that's what Tyki thinks."

"Neah?" Allen blurted out.

"How do you know that name?" Road asked, losing her composure.

"The Earl mentioned it when he was talking to me, but I didn't know who it was," Allen replied.

"Here, give me your hands," Road asked. Not sure what to make of it, he held out his hands and she joined them, pulling him down to her height and pressing her forehead to his. There was a shock that pulsated beneath his skin, the skip of a heartbeat, and an earthquake in his blood. She frantically retracted her hands and looked at him in a wide-eyed expression.

She was afraid of something.

"I have to get Tyki, now," she said breathlessly.

"What was that?" Allen asked as he looked down at his own hands.

"That bastard," she snarled, "Cross really did it, didn't he?"

Someone hooked their arms underneath his and pulled him back, whom he soon recognized as Lavi, and Kanda stepped out in front of Road, katana unsheathed. The blade was still stained red.

Pushing his sword away with two disgusted fingers, she said, "Keep him awake, you hear me, idiots? Get him somewhere safe until Tyki and I can fix this."

"He's got nothing to do with you two, so why don't you just go," Lenalee said as she stepped forward.

"Oh? Does the pretty girl want to fight for herself now that she has those fancy boots?" Kanda loosened his grip and saw the strange heels. _Is that Lenalee's innocence?_

"Allen, did they give you something this morning?" Lavi hissed.

"I tried to get them not to, but when Tyki decked me I pulled all the wrong things," Allen muttered when he remembered the severe pain.

"Tyki was here?" Lavi said, causing Lenalee and Kanda to turn around in disbelief.

"I don't have time for this," Road muttered, and snapped her fingers to open up a new door.

"Wait!" She threw a wave over her shoulder, and then disappeared.

"We have to go, now! We can talk about this later!"

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry for the late update; this is finals week and I'm cramming for some serious exams (aka if I don't get a 3 or above I won't get college credit. No stress, none at all. Ha.). And If you hate the romantic side of things remember, you can always roll your eyes and keep scrolling. <strong>

**You reviewers and followers and favorites and readers in general are amazing and the support is so nice even with my sporadic updates and I love you all! Once summer (finally) gets here I promise to update (more?) regularly (maybe?)!**


	21. I Don't Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

**TW: This has my usual blood and violence, although there is an implied case of sexual assault to one character. I am making sure to mention this before anyone reads; it is NOT graphic, in fact, I want to stress the idea that it is implied. But it still exists. **

* * *

><p>"What is going on?" Allen shouted as he followed them down the stairs.<em><br>_

He held to the hand railing as the building began to shake, and the floor below them suddenly erupted in a concert of gunshots. Lenalee stopped short of exiting the stairwell, unable to pull open the door as screams soon followed.

"They're already here, aren't they?" Lavi said breathlessly as they listened.

A flash of red splattered the window of the door and Lenalee screamed, jumping back. Snapping the lock on the door, Lavi dragged Lenalee back up the stairs and Kanda and Allen followed. They locked the door at the top of the stairwell, backing away from the door.

"The Order," Kanda finally said, "They found me, didn't they?"

There was only a thin frame of wood separating the four from the thundering footsteps on the other side. Shouts slipped from beneath the door and into the hall, barking at them to give themselves up.

Lenalee shook her head. "They're after Allen. I," she backed away from the door as the frame began to give, "I made a mistake!"

The door gave an unmistakable crack, and Kanda hissed, "We can't stay out here! Come on!"

Running to the far end of the hall, they burst into an unused room and locked the door behind them. Kanda sat with his back against the door, and the other three crouched behind the bed. All of the noise and commotion came to a sudden halt, only replaced by a silent and tense air.

A loud crack followed by faint voices caused Allen to flinch. _They're here to get me. It's over, isn't it? _

The threat was never demons; it was humans, all along.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" Trill and mocking, the voice reminded Allen of why he ran in the first place.

"How about this? The longer you wait to give in, the more people we'll shoot on this floor?"

"He's bluffing," Kanda muttered as he saw the terror on Allen's face.

There was a door slam, and Allen was able to count the gunshots he heard even over the woman's screams.

"There's one! Who's up next?" Allen stood up when he heard the faint noise of another door opening, but Lavi stopped him.

"They're going to kill everyone, even if you come out," Lavi whispered fiercely. Allen looked at them all in disbelief; it was almost as if they'd dropped their humanity, and self-preservation was all that mattered.

"Does that mean everyone on the bottom floor is," Allen stopped when Lenalee shot him a somber look.

"How steep of a drop is it from that window?" Kanda asked.

Lenalee stood up, just high enough to peek out the window, and immediately ducked afterward. "We could make it, Kanda, but they have the building surrounded!"

Allen recognized the nurses voice from this morning, sobbing, "Why are you doing this? These are just innocent people!"

He heard her screams vanish to an abrupt silence.

"They're getting closer," Lavi said as more doors burst open.

All of their expectant eyes met one another, waiting for someone to make a decision. Kanda winced as he watched someone try to turn the handle on the door, and looked away. Time was up.

"Oh? Is there someone in here?"

Allen stood up, and Lavi didn't try to stop him but looked at him with questioning eyes.

"I'm going to give myself up, and you guys are going to go along with what I say. Kanda, do not let yourself be seen."

Lavi started shaking his head. "Allen-"

"Don't argue with me!" Allen replied sharply.

"We're not leaving you here to die," Kanda said while glaring, but flinched as the door shook.

"I'm sorry that you three ever met me," Allen said quietly, and walked over to the door. Kanda looked at him with an emotion Allen didn't recognize; his eyes darkened the longer he looked, finally stepping away from the door with disgust rewritten over the softness.

Opening with no subtlety, Allen winced at the harsh light of the hallway. "Don't move!"

He held up his hands and closed his eyes, cringing when a rough hand pulled him out of the doorway and pointed a gun at his head.

"Who else is in there? Show yourself!" Lenalee and Lavi slowly walked out, hands above their heads.

A man with blonde hair tied back and a strange mark on his forehead asked, "Lenalee? What are you doing here?"

Before she could answer, Allen said, "She found out I was here and cornered me. She and Lavi prevented me from escaping."

Desperation clouded her eyes as he continued to talk. "I think she saw me at school and recognized me as a criminal. How _did_ you find me here, Lenalee?"

_Please, Lenalee. Don't get yourself killed, too,_ he pleaded with a desperate glance in her direction. She noticed it and steeled her gaze. "I've looked into Allen for a while, in fact, I tracked him. When I noticed a file under his name appear at this hospital, I came immediately. Also, I was the one who went down in the archives without permission and stole his file."

Lavi hid his anger like a perfect actor and added, "She was obsessed with the case, Link. I ended up getting involved too, because of how dangerous Allen seemed; rogue exorcists are deadly." Allen bit back the tears in the corners of his eyes. _Thank you._

Neither one of them would look at him now, trying to hide their pain with blank expressions.

"I shouldn't have taken initiative without permission, and deserve whatever punishment you see fit," Lenalee said.

"No, you did the right thing. If you'd waited to file a proper mission report, he would've gotten away. I've got to say, I'm quite impressed, Miss Lee. You should expect a big promotion for catching such a wanted man," Link said as he eyed Allen.

"We're moving out," Link said into an earpiece.

Allen took one last glance behind him and say Lenalee on the verge of tears. He saw Kanda's shadow in the dark room, trembling with anger, mouthing,_ How dare you?_

He smiled and looked away. _Thank you for making my life worthwhile, even if it was just for such a short time._

"Take a good look around you, Walker," someone said in his ear while pushing him down the hall, "Because this is the last time you'll see daylight."

Allen didn't reply as they walked through the massacred lobby; one of the men had to kick a body to open the jammed, bloodstained door. The receptionist was slouched in her chair, blood dripping from the side of her mouth and glassy marbles for eyes. Death surrounded him, clouded his mind with dense tar that prevented rational thought.

_I am responsible for these people._

* * *

><p>Kanda buttoned up his shirt and threw a jacket on over it, glaring at the storm clouds above as his boots beat the blurry sidewalk.<p>

It was nice to play pretend, sometimes. He was just another student, gloomy about the looming tests and forgotten homework. And as he sat down in his seat, he noticed the same expression he carried now painted on Lenalee's skin. She looked up at him somberly, and then back down her desk. The pen she held trembled, but she attempted to write, anyway. Lavi hadn't shown up today, but Lenalee told him that he was sick. They all were sick, in one sense or another.

He looked back at his blank paper, and then at the timer on the professor's desk. A whole twenty minutes had passed, and he hadn't even written his name down.

_I have to show up, not raise any suspicion by being absent. Everything has to look perfect and normal._

"Kanda, this is a mandatory assignment." He looked over his shoulder and noticed the stern face of his instructor, one he'd long forgotten the name of, and then back at the blank paper.

"Kanda."

"Oh, fuck off already," Kanda retaliated and threw his pencil down.

"Out in the hall! Now!" He pushed out his chair out and violently slammed the door after him.

The hall was silent, and the storm clouds he'd seen on his walk were now attacking the earth in full force, with booming thunder and lightning.

"Why is it always fucking storming?" Kanda said angrily as he looked a window. Storms reminded him of the night Allen disappeared. Everything was starting to.

"I wonder that, myself." Kanda looked over to his left and noticed Tyki, smoking and looking in Kanda's direction.

"What do you want?" The Noah took a liking to Lavi, Lenalee, and him; they were almost friendly, these days. And for some reason, Kanda didn't try to fight them anymore.

"Nothing much," he said, but his tone said otherwise. "Any leads on Allen?"

Kanda felt his muscles tighten and he clenched his fists. He'd convinced Marie into looking into Order facilities for captive traitors in exchange for working overtime in missions, including the more gruesome ones no one dared to do. The looks he received from comrades were no longer the jovial ones; their faces pinched up in worry and false reassurance. Marie believed they were looking for the white-caped innocence user to help join their cause; Kanda just wanted to find Allen.

Lenalee was doing everything in her power to sniff out leads within the Order, but it was almost as if Allen were a ghost.

"He's not popping up on our radar, either. If Wisely hadn't screwed up so royally, he would've been able to track him down already," Tyki muttered. Kanda could never piece together why the Noah were helping.

"Why are you guys even looking for him?"

Tyki looked at Kanda strangely, and then said, "Do you honestly want to know?"

Kanda expectantly looked back at him. "That night that we saw in Allen's memories; I'm under the impression that Cross attached a soul to Allen's physical body. When the Earl came to visit Allen, it became obvious that something of the sort went down."

"The Earl visited Allen? Who's soul?"

Tyki pursed his lips and then answered, "I can't say for sure. Allen's body might have rejected the soul, too."

"Tell me who it was!" Kanda yelled.

The bell rang, and Tyki just shook his head while walking away. He snarled, "Tyki! Come back here!"

A rough hand grabbed his arm and he met the glare of an irritable teacher.

_Allen, where are you?_

* * *

><p>Allen couldn't say for sure where he was; he knew it was underground, because of the dank and oppressive air, but most of his memories of the first day were a blurred mess. Two men and he took an elevator down, down, down until Allen was sure that he could go no lower.<p>

They patted him down for weapons, knives, and anything of the sort. _It's like I'm actually going to prison,_ he pondered as he changed into a plain set of black clothes. Of course, instead of being shown to a cell, they took him to an interrogation room. This was when things got blurry; they questioned him on things he hadn't even heard of and grew angry when he didn't have answers.

Kanda was mentioned only once, and he poorly hid the recognition in his eyes. Blurry mental images of red, black; truth serum and violence, yelling and soft coddling: none of it unhinged his jaw. He passed out and woke up here, in a dark room with a bed and sparse furniture.

It looked identical to his room as a child, and he couldn't stop the rapid beating of his heart and nausea in his stomach.

He didn't sleep, and instead sat on the floor next to the bed. _I need to think, I need to find a way out of here. If there's an elevator, then there has to be stairs somewhere. I have to analyze everything._

Maybe it was midnight, maybe it was noon; he couldn't tell time while encased in a room with no window. Suddenly the door swung open, and the light caused him to curse while blocking his eyes.

Not moving until forced up, he listened to the man explain as they walked down the hall.

"This is where you and the others sleep. You no longer have a name, a home, or an identity; the number on the back of your jumpsuit is what is left of your humanity." The hall lined with rooms, all with steel doors and heavy deadbolts, looked like an industrialized version of where he grew up. _Don't panic, Allen. There's no way they're still doing something like that. _He counted up the rooms he passed; there were fifteen in all, including his.

His flat, cloth shoes tapped on the tile flooring, and he barely kept up with the bulky man. When they finally exited the "sleeping" area, or Block A as the man referred to it as, Allen was pushed in a wide open room with multiple tables sprawled out to the left, and what looked like a living area to the left. People were lounging around, some eating and chatting at the tables and others to the right fighting over the remote.

If he didn't know any better, he'd assume he'd woken up back in London.

"Why," Allen clenched his fists as his voice trembled with anger, "Why am I here?"

The man swiftly backhanded Allen and said stoically, "Don't talk unless spoken to."

Allen glared while holding his cheek and noticed the commotion he caused, with a couple of the others in the room taking curious glances in his direction.

"Eat something," he said as he pushed Allen over to the tables.

"Not hungry," Allen replied. _I don't see any stairs, or any escape route for that matter._ The roof above was vaulted like the ceiling of a cave, with solid granite forming a dome.

"You've been unconscious for a day. That's an order, not a suggestion," the man said as he forced Allen to sit down and put some food in front of him.

"I'm not eating," Allen repeated, and folded his arms.

"I don't think you understand the situation you're in, A013. You-"

"Holy fuckin' shit! It's you, ain't it, Allen!" He stopped his glaring match with the instructor and looked over at the person who slammed their hands down on the table. When he met the bright gaze of the other, he finally accepted it.

He was in hell.

"You're dismissed, A003," the man said through clenched teeth. The kid backed down immediately, but flashed a grin at Allen before running off.

Nostalgia was burning up his insides and his bones were flint; that voice, that smile, and that charismatic sense of insanity belonged to the same boy he knew in the ward back in London. Looking around, he realized that many of the faces were familiar, including the toothy smile of the younger boy they deemed 'Shark'. When he saw the recognition in Allen's eyes, he held up his hand, and sure enough, the faded number they'd carved in his skin was still there.

"Am I back in London?" Allen asked frantically. His hands were shaking and he couldn't calm down, no matter how hard he tried to rationalize the situation.

"Eat something, before you get your first lesson on insubordination," the man said, ignoring Allen's question.

"Tell me where the hell I am!" Allen shouted, standing up._ Maybe I took my life up until now for granted._

The man grabbed him by the chin and spat back, "You're back in the only place you belong, A013, and you've also earned yourself a trip down the hall."

Some of the other boys were gathered now, watching the argument happen and hollering.

"I don't belong here, and I sure as hell won't be staying," Allen snarled back._ I'm not backing down this time around; I will make it out of here._

The man only responded with a punch to his gut, and then grabbed him by his hair. "I don't think solitary confinement in a proper punishment for such blatant disrespect."

"You'll never break me, asshole," Allen forced out. _Kanda, Lenalee, Lavi; they'll find me._

"Man, I missed you, Allen! Nobody's as stupid crazy as you!" Allen looked over at the boys he grew up with, feeling the familiarity of this situation all too well. The past was repeating itself, and Allen knew what came next.

It took an extra personnel to drag him down another hall. He was locked in another room, soon realizing it was the same interrogation room from before except with a single chair this time. _Stay calm, Allen. Think; they kept you alive for a reason. Why did they bring me back, anyway? There has to be a reason, and I can use it as leverage. _

"Allen, darling, did you miss me?" He stopped dead in his tracks and noticed someone standing across from him. Graying, aged, and hunched over, it was the same doctor that plagued his nightmares.

Allen started laughing, causing confusion and curiosity. "This is a nightmare, isn't it? I'm going to wake up and be fine!"

Before he could react, his hands were tied around the back of the wooden chair with a strange, purple hued rope. _Dark energy,_ he realized_, it's used to suppress my innocence._

"You used to be such a well-behaved child; what happened?" Allen watched the two men leave, and struggled against the restraints to no avail.

"Where the hell am I? Answer me!" Allen yelled.

"Fine, I will answer your question if you answer mine. Do you realize what you're sitting on?"

Allen looked down and noticed his feet were resting on a metal box, with a couple of switches low to the ground and a wire that plugged into an outlet nearby. The chair on top had strange wires wrapping around it, constricting the splinters. He looked back up at the man in disbelief.

Maybe he had made a mistake, but it was far too late to apologize. He saw the sparks before he felt them, currents of electricity replacing the blood flowing through his veins. The feeling of being eaten alive by termites replaced his senses, and his skin and bones separated into rotting wood and disconnected wires.

"Is this still a dream, Allen?!"

He bit his lip, hoping to encase the thundering screams attempting to break free, but the sparks soon pried his lips open.

"Are you going to be respectful now?" He heard the generator turn off, but his insides were still rattling.

Allen opened his eyes and glared at the man watching him with pure excitement. Allen started laughing this time, such a vivacious and unnatural outburst that almost seemed to scare the man. "You're going to have to do better than that," Allen sneered through heavy panting.

"You were always my favorite patient; you can't imagine how heartbroken I was to find out that you'd run away." The power switched back on again, and this time Allen did not scream as the acidic touch of electricity threatened to snap his spine. And again._ And again._

Someone finally came in, and the doctor seemed to snap out of the trance he was in. Allen was falling in and out of consciousness, his head hanging and eyes only providing a vague sense of awareness. _Talking, people are talking,_ he thought.

"-Not allowed to kill him." He heard the doctors obvious disappointment, followed by someone walking over to untie him. The other man barely caught Allen before he fell forward, only bringing him to a standing position so that he could walk.

"Your sync rate test is tomorrow, A013," the man said gruffly, and then forced him back into the hazy room he'd been in earlier. His presence was quickly noticed and the other boys came up to him, staring with fascination.

"Allen! What happened?" One said excitedly as he inspected him. His jaw felt slack and he let the others do the talking.

"How many times did they zap you? Four times? Five times?" Allen thought back on it, and then nodded to the number five.

"That's a new record!" Allen laughed weakly. _This is a dream. A horrible, horrible dream. I have to wake up eventually. There's no way this is reality._

He stumbled forward, legs giving out on him, and one of the boys caught him. "Easy now, you don't want to cause any more brain damage. Come on, let's take him back to his room."

The sense of community was strange; as kids, they usually left Allen out. Maybe he could make it out of here, if they all worked together. This time would be different; they were almost adults, more refined._ Everyone here wants to get out as bad as I do, right? If we all work together, it should be easy enough._ The idea of escape made him feel warm inside.

The guards seemed to be turning a blind eye, even though they were supposed to stay gathered in the main room, but Allen didn't think to question it. They carefully set him down on the bed and he fell over with a dull thud, barely staying conscious.

"One more thing, Allen," the boy said.

Allen hummed in response as he began to fade out.

"We will never forgive you for leaving us to die here."

* * *

><p>"You're sure?" Kanda said into his earpiece. <em>Another successful mission,<em> Kanda thought suspiciously. It was almost as if the Order wasn't trying anymore.

"Positive Kanda. There's no where else to look into," Marie replied. Kanda didn't respond; he didn't have the time to waste carefully scrutinizing the Order.

He helped clean up the battlefield this time; it wasn't fair for the Finders to have to clean up after his clumsy mess. He'd gotten too violent, too messy, too _good_ at clearing enemies.

Climbing out of the shower and attempting to dry his hair to no avail, he sat down on the edge of his bed. Sleep was no longer a welcome friend, but a bitter enemy. _I've lost the 48 hour window_, Kanda thought silently as time slowly changed from 11:59 to twelve. _Shouldn't have let him pull off that stupid, idiotic stunt. Where the hell is there left to look?_

I still haven't checked his room.

Kanda sifted around his desk until he found a key, then silently made his way down the steps. _This is_, he thought as he fitted the key into the lock, _the last lead I have. _There was nothing out of the ordinary when he flipped the light switch and peeked around. Upon closer inspection, he noticed movement beneath Allen's covers, and carefully lifted them. A bright, gold orb bounced around the room the second it was discovered, almost knocking Kanda over. It eventually settled down, floating nearby. _It's watching me, isn't it?_

You're Allen's golem, aren't you?" He said, and it shook its head.

"Well then who the hell do you belong to? Fine, nevermind, can you find Allen?" The golem nodded once more, but settled back on a pillow. Tired, I guess.

His heart was racing, but instead of leaving, Kanda flipped the lights and sat down on the bed beside it. I'_m not going to get anywhere if I try to leave tonight._

He rested his head by the golem and stared blankly up at the ceiling; for some reason, he couldn't take his mind off their first meeting in the alley. Maybe it was because the sheets smelled so much like him, of warm vanilla and crisp pine trees, the way his jacket did as he sat on the dingy, little porch. Or maybe it was something else entirely.

* * *

><p>He woke up to the flicker of harsh lights, immediately feeling his stomach turn over. The denial he was living in shattered when he yawned and looked over to his left, finding it empty and Kanda absent. Sitting up, he realized there was a chart at the edge of his bed. His vision was blurry, but he noticed the scribbled handwriting of someone in a hurry.<p>

_Respiratory arrest…. nerve damage? Involuntary muscle contractions stabilized…_

He dropped the clipboard when sharp pains all over his arms caused him to tense up. A hoarse scream was all that escaped his lips; he was covered in blood, caked on in black and red acrylic._ What happened to me? The last thing I can remember is-_

There were cuts all over his arms, turning his skin into a bloody lattice. The second weight was put on his legs, he collapsed to the floor in a pathetic display. A foreign pain shot straight up his back, and after a few seconds of realization, he started heaving until only blood would come out.

_Can't be that bad, you're over thinking it, they wouldn't_, his thoughts of denial were starting to crumble as he shakily stepped out of his bloody uniform. There were bruises lining his inner thighs, violent shades of violet and indigo and yellow that mirrored the night sky. His insides were so torn that standing up sent pain through his body, however the agonizing pain of sitting was like knives up his backside.

He slipped his clothes back on while biting back tears; they were no longer twisted children, but sadistic adults. A cry of pain slipped from his chapped lips when he stood up, and the first couple of steps were unbearable. Something was definitely torn.

There was no one's name to call out for help from. Everyone here was out to get him, creating a loneliness he'd almost forgotten. I_t was stupid of me to think things could change. I'll always belong to the Order, no matter how hard I try to escape. _

_If I forget the better times, then it won't seem so horrible. Lenalee and Lavi never existed. And Kanda, _he stopped himself_. I'll never see you again. _

Standing in front of his door, he wiped away the emotion left in his expression, pulled down his sleeves, and opened it as if nothing had happened. Two familiar faces were playing a card game nearby, looking up from their hands with sadistic fascination, but Allen didn't even look in their snickering direction.

He sat down at the nearest table, flinching as he attempted to sit carefully. A hazy flashback suddenly punched him in the gut, and he held his hand over his mouth to prevent throwing up.

"Hey, you okay?" Allen dragged himself out of the memory and noticed someone sitting across from him, chewing on candy and looking at him curiously. His tanned features were oddly familiar, and the way his green eyes sparked as he watched Allen reminded him of an old friend.

"Who are you?" Allen asked suspiciously.

The other looked at him strangely, pushing his dark hair out of his eyes. "Do you not remember me?"

"Were you at the London Branch, too?" Allen asked.

"Yeah, I," he stopped and snapped his fingers. "You probably remember me as Edgar, don't you?"

Maybe this is a dream.

"Edgar was my host body, but I'm Neah," he said, offering Allen a piece of candy.

"Host body?" Allen asked.

"'Edgar', or patient twelve, was the first and last member of the 'Noah' project the Order conducted. The first day they brought him in, they attempted to put a Noah's memory in him and assumed that the project was a failure. But!" Neah pointed at Allen. "Edgar kept his features, but lost his body to me! For some reason, I only gained partial control of the body, like being able to talk and such, but lost the power of Noah."

"But he killed himself," Allen said dully.

"Aha! That is where things get interesting! He only released his own soul, giving me full possession of the body. If this hell hole wasn't lined with antimatter traps, then I'd already be out of here," he grumbled.

He felt like a dull pencil, and his thoughts were written with scratchy graphite and simple sentences. "So, did I grow up with Edgar, or you?"

"Me, for the most part. Edgar did gain control once, maybe twice, but that was only to attack you and then kill himself," Neah replied.

"So," Allen stopped. _Edgar's not dead. My only friend isn't dead? No,_ he reminded himself_, No one here is your friend. Don't you dare trust him, or anyone for that matter. Kanda, Lenalee, Lavi; they'll forget you. _

Neah's face fell, and he added, "If I hadn't gotten myself locked up in solitary confinement, I would have been able to stop them."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Allen muttered. Neah reached out to comfort him, but Allen's body reacted faster than his mind did, sending him recoiling back.

"You're going to get picked out of the crowd if you keep talking to me," Allen said. _Don't pity me. I'm fine._

Neah started laughing. "Allen, why the hell do you think I was in SC in the first place? These assholes already have me cornered, but what they did to you is the farthest I've ever seen 'em go. Everyone's just jealous you got to see the outdoors."

"Where are we, exactly?" Allen asked as he looked around.

"In America, near the Order headquarters. That's about as much as I know," Neah said and crunched his candy. "Allen, you need to go see the nurse."

"I'm fine," Allen replied, but looking down, he realized that there was blood dripping down his wrist from inside his sleeve.

"Let me ask you something, Allen. Do you have people on the outside looking for you?" Allen was unsure.

"Sure you do. And of those people, do you think they'll be able to find you? Let me answer that one, too; No. This place is made as an untraceable, miniature hell."

"Am I just supposed to rot here? What is the Order possibly hoping to gain, after all this time?" Allen asked bitterly, hoping his emotions wouldn't betray him.

"It's complicated. However, if you keep that attitude, you _are_ going to rot down here. I think me and you; we're going to make it out of here, even if we've gotta kill each one of these brats," he said enthusiastically, pointing a hand like a gun and shooting at people around the room.

"Wait, what?"

"Look at me," Neah said, "Good and evil doesn't exist down here. This is life or death, keep your sanity or get locked up, kill or be killed. We aren't kids anymore, and I think you were the only one who hadn't realized it yet. Lose the saint attitude, and gain back your survival instincts."

Allen looked around at the different prisoners, inspecting their crude actions and dark words. The more he thought rationally, the more he realized that they didn't have a future._ It would be better to kill them, rather than to leave them living such pitiful lives,_ he thought.

A stupid grin replaced his somber attitude, and he no longer felt suffocated; he was free, able to do whatever he wanted when he wanted to._ I was the only one who hadn't grown up, wasn't I? Thinking I could get by without hurting anyone, how stupid. _

"If it means getting out," Allen tilted his head and looked around, "Then I'll send all of these bastards to Hell."

Neah's eyes were practically glowing as he heard Allen's words, but the flicker of insanity was untraceable. "Then you can't slip up again, because everyone here will kill you. Not like I'm gonna let that happen, but I can't always be around, 'ya know?"

_I'll never be stupid enough to put my faith in anyone else again_, Allen thought,_ but a strategic alliance is different._ "But how can I trust you, Neah?"

Neah stood up from the table, stretching, and replied, "I'll prove it to you by tomorrow, okay?"

"Wait, do you not need proof from me?" Allen asked. Neah laughed and shook his head.

"Remember what I said, so long ago? The day they break your spirit is the day they break mine."

* * *

><p><strong>Remember what I said about being able to update more because of summer? Ha. I have to go to summer school in order to get a credit to graduate (I moved and I couldn't transfer certain things. The American education system will be the death of me). Should I bump this story up to Mature? It's not like I'm going to be writing any graphic sex scenes, but it's getting pretty, well, mature. <strong>

**Anyway, this was a tough chapter to write. Allen's snapped, Kanda's worried, and the Noah seem to have a strange motive! What will Neah do to prove his trustworthiness, and will Kanda find Allen before it's too late?**

**(Thanks again to everyone who reads! Love 'ya! ^-^) **


	22. Don't Try This at Home, Kids

107…. 107…. 107…

He licked his thumb and wiped a smudge off his cheek. The new look he'd taken was suiting, he decided, as his hollow cheekbones said the words he couldn't.

107. The number was the only thing that mattered. He remembered the glittering eyes of the faculty as the machine snapped out in a rush of sparks_. Your synchronization rate would've been higher if the server would've handled it,_ they said excitedly.

Afterwards, Neah told him, he'd earned the respect of everyone whether they admitted it or not_._ In Allen's humble opinion_,_ he'd also earned envy and a tighter collar, but he'd thrown away the idea of comfort long before.

He didn't care for respect; he just liked the way others' eyes seemed to swim to other shores when they accidentally made eye contact. He'd never been aware of how much people looked at him. There was always someone looking, even if he couldn't see them. He was sure of it. Someone was always watching, no matter what.

"Allen, you ought to eat," Neah said, amused as he sat down beside him. Amused was the only word Allen could find to describe the look in Neah's eyes, since no one had such a fascination for him before, except for Mana.

Some nights he wondered how he would've survived on his own. Allen never admitted to trusting Neah, but still laughed and joked and carried on like he would to an old friend.

"I can't, 'cause I think I'm out of toothpaste," Allen mumbled, but still accepted a piece of candy. It became second nature to turn away from meals, using his own personal health as a bargaining chip with annoyed staff. Childish, maybe, but effective.

"Apparently your hairbrush has gone missing, too," Neah commented and Allen swatted away Neah's motherly touch from his bed head.

Neah shot a glance over his shoulder, and then murmured, "So, I'm thinking that air vent is our best call. You climb all the way into the second operation room, slip out through the duct there, and make your way down the hall. If that glance I got at a map is correct, there should be a service elevator."

Allen clicked his tongue. "They'll shut down the elevator before I get close," he murmured.

"What if we make sure no one is around?"

He noticed a glare out of the corner of his eye, and narrowed his eyes at the huddle of dark figures. _Someone is always watching._ After a few days, the feeling in his left eye came back, leading him to the conclusion that trying to look at the Earl damaged it. And he learned why these kids hated him so much.

It was simple. Innocence.

"Damn Thirds need to mind their own business," Neah muttered and stuck out a tongue in response to their unnerving glances. They immediately shifted focus to nonchalant activities.

_Akuma infused people_, Neah told him. Their natural response to innocence is to destroy it, and Allen no longer blamed them.

His nails looked rusty, but upon closer inspection, he realized there was still blood caked beneath them. "Man, you're so dirty," Neah teased as he pulled on some of Allen's stained hair.

It'd only been a few hours since the fight broke out, happening in a flash of clashing limbs and bloody impact. The staff couldn't separate them fast enough, although the medics managed to piece the boy back together. Allen was the clear winner, wiping blood off his sneer as he stood over what was left of the other.

_Another one, sheesh._

_Walker's 'gone crazy._

His synchronization percentage almost made him untouchable. 107.

"Allen, you still want to leave, right?"

He mulled over it longer than he should have, trying to piece together what mattered outside of these walls. Every day, the supervisor told him he'd imagined a world outside. That none of his friends existed; he made them up. And when he was in pain, gasping for air, the name he uttered wasn't real. It eventually made sense to him; no one would purposefully stay by his side. Even if they were real, they left him for dead.

Neah shook him, and Allen noticed how offended Neah looked. "Don't let them brainwash you! The only reason they're putting up with your antics is because you're a powerful tool. Someone with such a high affinity with innocence is a human weapon, and before you know it, you'll be working with the Order too."

Power. Power is what he had within these walls; outside, he was nothing. He was somebody here, given a purpose, although he had no desire. There wasn't much to do around here, with none of the other boys putting up much of a fight, and the staff was much too boring. _Fine,_ he thought_, breaking out is more fun than sitting around._

"Let's do it," Allen suggested and looked for approval. The look in Neah's eyes, the one that fueled Allen's actions, bubbled with delight and adoration.

Obsession, actions with no purpose, tapping the glass of the fishbowl until it cracked: he loved it.

They slipped back to Allen's room, and he crawled under the bed.

"Ha!" Allen cheered, as he found the wire. After a month of careful planning, bargaining, building, and research, they'd found a solution to the unbreakable cage. A barrier encased the catacomb, with two mechanical bugs holding it together. The bugs were fragile, even if they created an indestructible cage, and carefully hidden. The only way to break them was to fry the circuits, and then the barrier would collapse.

Uneasiness boiled in his stomach as he inspected the wire. It crawled up the wall like ivy and into an air vent above, which he'd managed to fit in after a couple of catastrophic falls from Neah's shoulders. It winded through the vents and into a secluded room, with shelves upon shelves of information. And on a forgotten, dusty shelf, a lone bug sat, next to a water bottle.

_Yeah, I used to make these all the time. Scared the lights out of my brother,_ Neah laughed. _Vinegar, baking soda, and a strong tug to shake it should do the trick. _

"I'll go pull the one weaved through the vent in the main room. Count to 15, and then pull," Neah said. _What if it doesn't work? _His thoughts were racing and suddenly his impulsive decision was coming to a screeching halt.

"Hesitation isn't a good look on you," Neah said with a reassuring smile. "Remember, 15. And Allen,"

The insanity snapped his bones back in place as he stood up and headed for the door. "The second the barrier breaks, raise Hell."

Allen looked at the wire in his palm, and then smirked, the crooked and sharp toothed smile. "You better not back out, Neah, or I'll leave you behind. If anyone gets in my way,"

"_I'll kill them."_

* * *

><p>Sure: he hadn't meant to tell them about his discovery, or that he had a lead on Allen. However, as they all stood in front of the worn cabin, he felt more secure than he would've alone.<p>

"Are you sure we're at the right place, Kanda?" Lenalee asked nervously. She eyed the cabin as if she would rotten fruit, with ivy instead of mold and rotting wood for bruises.

"Unless the damn golem is defective, it seems pretty adamant about this place," Kanda replied.

They'd driven out to the middle of nowhere, surrounded only by quiet forests and dirt roads, until the golem begged them to stop. There wasn't a pronounced driveway or trail, and no matter how hard he squinted, he only saw the webs of pine green. Still, Timcampy zipped through the trees, and they had no choice but to follow.

Twilight set in after their unannounced hike, and Kanda worried how they were going to escape of the gloomy forest. His breath was forming small puffs of crystals; winter was still fighting spring with a firm vengeance.

"I bet he escaped where they had him locked up and he hid out here; the Order probably has an unofficial base out in these damn woods. No one would come looking here," he muttered, trying to convince himself more than anyone else. Gloomy branches hung like drapes, needles like unwound threads. It wasn't storming, for once, but the air was charged with an unnatural energy.

"Why aren't we going in, then?" Lavi said as he nervously glanced at them. They'd been standing in the clearing for a good ten minutes, staring at the windows that seemed to glare back. The gaping, black mouth of the jarred door spat obscenities that held him in place.

"This is it, isn't it, Kanda? If he's not here, then there's nowhere else," Lenalee said.

"Come on." Kanda wasted no more time; he needed an answer.

The wooden stairs bowed beneath him, and he advised Lenalee and Lavi to tread lightly. He tried the handle, but it only twisted uselessly. He pulled again, only to realize that the door was purposefully jammed.

"Let me handle it," Lenalee said, and Kanda sidestepped just in time to avoid her high kick. She came bursting through the opening while surfing on the door.

Kanda and Lavi shared paled glances, and then cautiously followed her in.

"It's empty," Lavi said dejectedly as he peered in.

"No," Kanda said while narrowing his eyes. He took a few steps in and noticed how well used it was, with a couch, piles of books, and even clothes strewn around.

"Someone's been here recently, if not still here," he muttered, not taking his eyes off the door in the back. By the sparseness of the room, he assumed they hadn't been here long.

"But there's no running water, or electricity. Why would someone-" Lavi slipped and hit the floor while crying out.

"Lavi, what happened?" Lenalee asked frantically.

"I tripped over something," he picked up the bottle with fascination, "A wine bottle, I think. There's more than one, sheesh, did Allen become an alcoholic?"

There was a loud thud, and Kanda gripped the hilt of his sword. Lenalee snapped into focus and naturally fell into a fighting stance, nodding at Kanda and then focusing on the back door.

With no subtlety, the door swung open and a yawning, lanky man stepped out, barely glancing at the three before sitting down on the couch. He reached for a lighter and a book, smoke coming out of his mouth even before the pages flopped open.

Lavi, Lenalee, and Kanda all looked at each other warily and then back at the man. The red-headed man, however, seemed to have forgotten their existence.

"Uhm, excuse me," Lenalee finally said. He looked up for a moment, and then back down at the book.

"Yeah, 'what you need," he mumbled.

That condescending tone of voice; Kanda knew it too well, along with the mask and maroon hair. Blood and adrenaline rushed to his face, and his mind went into overdrive as it pieced together regrettable memories.

"Bastard," Kanda hissed, drawing his sword before his mind had time to process the situation.

His blade was at the other's throat, but before he could strike, cool metal pressed against this head. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the barrel of the gun.

"I'll slice your head off," Kanda snarled.

"And I'll shoot you," the other replied nonchalantly.

"K-Kanda, maybe we should think this through," Lavi said nervously. Hatred was pumping through his veins, and the only thing that crossed his mind was the memory of Allen.

Neither of them flinched, except when the other used his free hand to smoke. "Kanda? Haven't we met, back when you were bleeding half to death on my floor?"

Lenalee and Lavi both chimed in unison, "_What?_"

"Wait, aren't you dead, General Cross?" Lenalee asked quietly. Kanda distinctly remembered watching this man's house burn down, and confusion melted with his outrage.

"So Allen's still good at keeping secrets," Cross said with a hint of misplaced humor.

"That's it," Kanda snapped and readied his blade.

If it hadn't been for the gentle touch of Lenalee, he was sure that his blade would've gone through Cross's skull. And a bullet in his own.

"If you don't calm down, we're going to lose our last lead on Allen," Lenalee said and jerked him backward, taking the sword from his hand.

"Don't you care about what this man did to Allen, Lenalee?!"

"Of course I do, Kanda! But what's important now is Allen, and not your stupid revenge! It's about Allen for once! Not you!" Lenalee yelled and shoved the sword back at him.

He quietly took it from her and muttered, "Sorry."

She nodded, accepting his apology, and turned to Cross. "Have you heard anything from Allen?"

"Nah," Cross replied but then stopped in the middle of flipping the page. "Why?"

"He's disappeared," Lavi said.

"Good for him," Cross murmured and ashed his cigarette.

"No, he didn't disappear; the Order took him," Kanda forced out through gritted teeth. _And I abandoned him._

A flicker of concern flashed across Cross's expression. Kanda couldn't understand what ounce of fatherly concern Cross could have for Allen, but there was a look in his eyes he hadn't had even with a blade against his throat.

Timcampy fluttered in, and Cross said, "Timcampy brought you here, huh? Worthless golem."

"Where would they have taken him?"

Cross didn't answer, and instead stood up and stretched.

"You checked all the Order records?" He asked, and then started sifting through books. Lenalee nodded.

"You checked all affiliated companies?" Lavi nodded.

He opened up a book, one that was actually hollowed out, and pulled out a gun. Smirking, he looked over at Kanda and said, "That one's a fake. This is the only gun I'd ever use."

"Why you-" Kanda felt his fingers itch for his blade, but stopped short at Lenalee's glare.

"What about _generous _donations to and fro between the Order?"

"What?" Lenalee asked in confusion.

"Wherever they're keepin' him, they need money, right? Someone's gotta be paying the bill," Cross replied nonchalantly.

"I didn't even think of that," Lenalee replied quietly.

"Course 'ya didn't," Cross mumbled and slung a jacket over his shoulder. "Shall we?"

"Are you going to help us?" Lavi asked in disbelief.

"I'm not doing it for you."

The three followed him out of the cabin and watched as Cross began to wander off.

"Wait! Does this mean you'll help Allen?" Lenalee yelled.

Cross looked over his shoulder and paused. "I'm not doing it for Allen, either."

"Who are you doing it for, then, you bastard? Is it for whoever's soul you put in Allen?" Kanda snarled, and Cross shot him a rather surprised look.

Lavi and Lenalee suddenly looked concerned, and Kanda remembered he hadn't told them about his conversation with Tyki.

Lavi asked, "What are you talking about, Kanda?"

"You sure do know a lot," Cross turned and began to walk away, "but you're too stupid to put things together on your own, aren't you?"

"Kanda," Lenalee faced him, with rage building in her eyes, "What exactly haven't you told us?"

"Bastard, come back here!" Kanda yelled, but Cross had already disappeared from sight.

No one chased after him; it was a hopeless cause. Kanda felt his head cool off, and took one last look behind him. _Is he off to a new hiding spot, or rather, to find Allen?_

"Lenalee, can you get a copy of the Order's financial records?" Kanda said, hoping that the golem knew its way back to the car.

"I'll check the public archives downtown and see if I can dig up something," Lavi said.

The woods were dark, and the silence was as suffocating as the dark, velvet air. They made it back to the car in a rush of flattened branches and ungraceful trips; he would be combing pine needles out of his hair for weeks.

"It took 2 weeks for that stupid golem to find its damn master, and we end up with nothing. All we've found is some bastard who won't even help," Kanda muttered as he slammed the car door.

"He gave us something to work with," Lavi said, turning on the engine and lights.

"The Order isn't stupid enough to leave information like that out in the open! Besides, they probably donate to millions of different charities and organizations to cover up their tracks!" Kanda yelled back.

"Are we supposed to give up Kanda? Because if we stop looking," Lenalee was biting back tears, "then he's really gone."

The car fell silent, as the words they'd all been avoiding came out in the open. Maybe it was a futile attempt; maybe they were just preventing the inevitable end.

Allen was gone.

She grabbed his arm. Her smile was tinged with sadness, tense shadows cutting the soft pink. "We can all still be together, it's just a little harder than usual, right?"

Lenalee looked like a grieving mother, pretending to be strong in front of her children. Her eyes dimmed as hope dissolved into an unnerving reality, and Kanda's throat felt dry and hoarse.

"It was us three from the beginning, remember? Just me, you, Lavi," her hand tensed on the fabric of his jacket. Her voice cracked.

"Things won't ever be the same, but it might be too late to change that," Lavi said quietly. "Sometimes it's better to move on. It's not like we didn't try."

"Are you two giving up, just like that?!" Kanda didn't mean to yell, but his voice cut the air like a serrated blade.

All he saw in their eyes were bottomless pits, empty and tired of uncertainty. And then a sudden anger flared in Lenalee's eyes, some unspoken outrage unleashed.

With tears in her eyes, she yelled, "Why the hell do you suddenly care, Kanda? You don't even like him; you wouldn't even help him when he needed you most! You watched him be taken away, you watched him get hurt by Cross, and you watched him nearly get himself killed while trying to save your sorry ass! If he was coming back, he'd be here, wouldn't he? If you're only chasing after his ghost because you feel guilty, then give up already!"

"He'd be here!"

Her words stung like alcohol on a fresh wound. Emotionally charged words escaped his lips before he could reign in the bottled-up anger.

"You want to know why I care, Lenalee? It's because I fucking love-" He stopped himself, biting back pent up tears he refused to shed. He only cried over the dead.

Reserving himself, he avoided Lenalee's wide-eyed expression and rested his head against the window. The trees past in a flurry of green, fading to black as the headlights moved forward.

Lenalee's phone began to buzz, and she picked up with no hesitation.

"_Lenalee, God, Lenalee, are you safe?"_ His voice, loud enough for the two in the front seat to hear, surprised them all.

She pulled the phone away from her ear, and looked at the caller ID once more.

"Reever? What's wrong?" She asked frantically.

"You're nowhere near the Order, right? You're safe, right?" His voice was shaky, suddenly lowered to a whisper. She could hear other voices on the line, tinged with the same grief.

"Tell me what's going on," she said.

"The damn," he sounded choked up, and only added, "I'm glad you're safe. Komui would kill me if you were here."

"Tell me what's going on!"

"I was looking for Johnny, 'cause he wasn't at his desk," he stopped, talking to others on the other side of the phone.

"Johnny, is he okay? Did he get hurt?"

"Oh, God, Lenalee! There was blood everywhere! The bastards, Crow or who the hell ever, they were doing human experiments right below our feet! I saw the door, that led down there; it was red on the inside, propped closed with," the phone sounded as if it were shaking, "someone's body."

Lenalee gasped, and Lavi and Kanda looked back at her in surprise.

"Noah? Did they do this?" Kanda asked.

"No, the monster lived down here. _It killed everything_."

They all exchanged grave glance as the sobering words sunk in.

"No. No, he wouldn't have," Lenalee laughed nervously. She put the phone back up to her ear. "Reever, are you safe?"

"We think it left the building, and we have someone treating Johnny. It looks like it missed his vital organs, in fact, it looks like it purposefully tried not to kill him."

* * *

><p>He bit the end of his pen, looking at the stack of untouched paperwork. His hand instinctively reached out to grab the cup of coffee that always seemed to make its way to his desk.<p>

When he only clutched air, he looked up in a sleepy confusion and realized he wasn't the only one missing coffee.

"Eh, Johnny, have you seen Lenalee? Or, more specifically, my coffee?"

A couple of other members perked up to listen. Reever took a quick glance around and realized that Johnny's desk was empty.

"Damn," he muttered and sauntered over to the machine in the corner of the cluttered room.

"No many how many times I make it, it just isn't the same as hers." He took one big gulp, and then eyed the pot once more. Taking out another cup, he poured it half full and then exited the room.

He wasn't one to frequent the archives, but he was sure that he'd find Johnny within the dust. The elevator came to a shuddering halt, and he flipped the lights before fighting his way through the endless shelves.

"Johnny! You can't live down here, it's against the rules! I brought you some-"

He stopped, staring straight at the door. He'd never seen this door, no, he was positive there wasn't any place for it to go to. The countless times he'd walked past this wall didn't add up to the door in front of him.

Putting the coffee down, Reever inspected the entrance. There was blood on the handle.

"Johnny, where are you?" He called out, and then glanced behind him. There was a trail of blood on the ground he hadn't noticed, since it took a different route than he'd taken.

There was a pause, a second of worry, but he still turned the handle and gave it a good push to dislodge it. It led to a long hallway, lights flickering as if someone had taken a baseball bat to them. But with each flicker, the scene pieced itself together, and the metallic, salty air indicated what the red stains were.

He stepped in and cursed when the limp body that had been propped up against the door collapsed near his feet. Crouching, he got a better look at the dead man.

"Jesus fucking Christ," He muttered. There was blood pouring out of an opening between his brows.

Warily making his way down the hall, he quickened his pace at the thought of Johnny already discovering the entrance before him. There were more guards, some more bloodied than others; it seemed as if the more the person got in the way, the more brutal their death was. Every room he came across had a dead body or two inside.

He heard a buzzing from down another hall and lit up at the thought of a living human, someone to tell him what was going on. _Someone to tell him what the hell this place actually was._

The handle was useless, but with one solid kick, the door gave way. He wished he hadn't come near it.

Tied up to a chair with some strange mechanism beneath, the remnants of what looked to be a man were sparking. The generator beneath was still buzzing, sending shocks of electricity through the corpse. The room smelled like fried skin, and the mans body was falling apart. Reever gasped when he saw the neck shudder, slowly looking over at him.

He frantically searched for a wire to cut the machine off, but even when he tugged on the wire and the generator hummed to a slow stop, he knew the man was dead. The look of desperation and true, untainted fear; those sunken in eyes would haunt him.

The fluids in the man's body had long past boiled, his skin covered in burns. He was the essence of malice, but Reever would never understand what caused this. No, this was just someone's spiteful revenge. Revenge for what, he didn't know, but the fact that such a device existed led to a couple of plausible theories.

"Johnny!" He yelled while running down the next hall. Opening doors was no longer easy; his hand shook on the handle and he winced when he opened them.

The area was large, with a vaulted cave-like ceiling; it had tables, chairs, even board games scrambled._ This was a prison._

His eyes watered; it was as if he'd suddenly been thrown into a coliseum, with blood splattering the walls and bodies strewn. Except instead of proud gladiators, these were children, missing limbs and others shaped in grotesque manners.

"Don't look, Reever," he said quietly, legs like jello as his boots squeaked through blood. Something was moving at the end of the room, and he quickened his pace.

"Johnny!" He yelled, noticing the hunched figure. He was clutching his side and seated at one of the tables, bloodstained papers neatly placed in front of him.

"Reever?"

"Jesus, Johnny, what happened? What is all of this?"

" I think the Order was still," he coughed and gripped his side tighter, "They were doing something bad down here."

"Did you see whoever murdered these children? Wait, are you bleeding?"

"Look," Johnny held up one of the papers, "These kids were more demon than human. Whoever killed them had innocence._ It_ wanted us to see these files, and _it_ to find this place."

"Did you see it, though? The monster?"

Johnny looked lost in thought. Finally he said, "I noticed the door this morning, and when I opened it, all I saw was a white figure, urging me to get out of the way. When I didn't, he threw me aside and ran away."

"Why didn't you come get help?" Reever barked, gathering up the files and supporting Johnny.

"I didn't want to be a burden, not again," Johnny replied. Reever fell silent, looking at all the stoic bodies.

"Let's get the science division on this before Lvellie can interfere," Reever said. "It's obvious they set this up. I'm willing to bet a weeks work of pay that the Crow knew exactly how dangerous all of this was. And using children-"

Johnny cut him off. "Can you call Lenalee for me? I think she might've known,"

"_I think she knew this was happening."_

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you all for reviewing and being sweet little cupcakes! I finished my new credit (18 week class in 2 weeks...you could say I was a *little* stressed) so that headache is gone and I'll have more time to put into these, well, last few chapters...<strong>

**(Also, for the sake of being horribly boring and off topic, I didn't go into the details of how to make a bottle rocket with vinegar and baking soda, because we've all been there, right? I know I've been grounded for setting one off in the kitchen. Yeah. Don't try those inside.)**


	23. Death is Inevitable Living is Optional

He watched the streetlights flicker. Water clogged a nearby storm drain, forming a whirlpool that a stray cat drank from. One drug deal with two separate crack addicts paid no mind to the car. A homeless man stumbled through the streets, with a brown paper bag clutched in one hand, claimed he was God.

Lenalee told him to wait in the car, for a good reason; he couldn't exactly storm into the Order with them. Although, he couldn't fathom why they didn't pick a better place to ditch the car.

Settling into the seat, he reclined until almost invisible to any onlookers. It was an empty night, blank and dreary, without even the moon for company. Another ambulance wailed nearby, off to pick up more bodies from the crime scene.

The Order was falling apart at the seams, and Kanda felt a twinge of guilt for the exorcists still there. With the basement full of dead people, he optimistically assumed this was the final straw for many of them. There wasn't a convenient cover up this time, but blind faith was a reoccurring theme among the members still there. _Maybe nothing is going to change. _

His mind wandered off into treacherous territory as it ran through the facts. One, the Order was conducting secret experiments in the basement. Two, the Order had conducted secret experiments on Allen. Three, Allen was missing. Four, Allen was _still _missing. Five, Allen-

_No,_ he reminded himself, _Allen wouldn't have done that. Maybe a little cabin fever, but he wouldn't kill all of those people. _

His pocket began to buzz, and he pulled the phone out too quickly, dropping it in the process. Cursing, he bent over and looked below the seat, and instead of finding his phone, he noticed two folders. Usually he wasn't one to even care for whatever Lavi was up to, but these seemed different. The folders were out of place, quickly hidden, and poorly so.

Grabbing the two packets, he sat back up, forgetting the phone entirely. The first folder had Allen's name on it, and he readied some foul words to tell the both of them for being snoops. That didn't stop him from looking.

Flipping through a few papers, he realized most of the information was repetitive. The front papers, all stapled together, were mentions of Allen over the last years, tiny whispers when he checked into a hospital, a hotel, a receipt, and even a phone call was recorded. Kanda didn't understand how dangerous a simple visit to the hospital was; none of them did. Allen wasn't being stubborn when he wouldn't go to see a doctor. He learned how to take care of himself because there wasn't another option.

_It's all my fault for taking him there, damn it. Why did he have to get caught now? _Kanda didn't like reading these papers, with only numbers to identify him. Allen was only a stack of paper to them.

The lone streetlight near the car went out, and he decided to put Allen's folder back. Not that he wasn't coming back for it, of course; he'd already planned to burn it.

He almost put away the other file, too, but for curiosity's sake, he looked at the name. It was his own.

Halting, he sat back up and squinted at the name once more, worn and weathered from time. _Kanda Yuu._

He flipped the overhead light in the car on and stared at the file in horror. _Kanda Yuu._

The file seemed to open itself, and bile rose in his throat when he saw the first page. _Second Exorcist Project._ The pages were out of order, and it looked as if someone had shuffled them all. His warrants and alleged murder charges mixed in with the various reports from the project.

_How much did Lavi and Lenalee see?_ He wouldn't deny killing them, but with all these names stacked up together, his seasick stomach churned in unsteady waves. _I've turned into such a weak idiot, haven't I? _The bean sprout had rubbed off on him if he worried about something so trivial.

A second file, much thinner, peeked out from beneath the large stack. Pulling, he took it out and read the name. Plainly stated on the label, the name "Alma Karma" stared back at him. He read it over and over until his hands shook so badly that he dropped everything.

"Shit." The broken voice didn't sound like it belonged to him.

His own files were mixed up with Alma's, and he helplessly tried to pick them all up and separate them. There was no need, he knew, to sort through them. But it bothered him to leave his name jumbled up with Alma's.

He picked up the first leaflet. Adoptive Parents: Kanda. Kanda Hina, Kanda Koji.

There was a whole packet of his parents' financial interests, residence issues, and background checks.

"_Hina, Koji! You two are so brave, you know, adopting a child so," the woman stopped when she noticed him, glaring while hiding behind the sliding door._

_Hina looked rather confused for a moment, and then looked behind her. She had such a warm smile, he remembered, although it grew harsh with age._

"_Yuu! What are you doing, hiding back there? Come say hi!" _

"_Don't call me that! Tell this old lady to leave!" He yelled back. The woman at the door seemed rather frightened, and he hoped she left soon. _

"_That's not a very nice tone, young man! Come here and apologize." For some reason, he did what she said and stared at the floor in embarrassment. _

"_Sorry," he mumbled. The lady laughed nervously and forgave him. She handed his mother something he failed to remember, and then left with that fake smile of hers. In this neighborhood, there was a false sense of friendliness, no matter the situation. _

_Everyone seemed to hold that mask in their back pocket, ready to pull it out when necessary. _

He organized all of the warrants and placed them in the back of his file. He always seemed to listen to his mother's words, or at least he used to. In one sense, he wished she could see this file, so he could watch her face wrinkle up in terror and wonder where she went so wrong. In another, he wished he would burn the file, along with his past.

Alma also had a sheet of her family's records; the Karma family didn't have much money to their name. Alma always said her father only adopted her for the money the Order gave them.

_It was one of those days he didn't feel like going outside, but did so anyway because his mother would force him to do schoolwork if he stayed indoors. He slammed the door behind him, if only to hear his father's voice yell at him, and made his way down the steps. Their yard was huge, with a giant pond full of ugly fish._

They are koi fish, and they are not ugly, his mother once told him. He promptly told her they look like drowning birds, with gaping mouths gasping for air.

_Large trees shot up over the house, full of birds and bugs and all kinds of noisy things. Sometimes he climbed them, and other times he followed the stepping stone path beneath until he reached the well groomed street. With no mercy, the sweltering sun was on the verge of setting the yard on fire. The air was dry and stale, except for the lone breeze that whisked away the heat for a few moments. Summer would always be his least favorite season. He regretted not bringing shoes as the black pavement boiled like hot tar. _

_He cursed at the ground, but not really a curse word, because his mother never approved of such foul words and the only thing those words earned him was bitter soap caked in his teeth. _

_A couple of the neighbors were out for a walk, maybe for the same reason he was, and they laughed those little giggles they must have practiced in the mirror. _

"_Did you not wear shoes again, Yuu?" His cheeks flushed. He didn't need the stupid shoes. _

"_What's Hina going to say when she sees the poor burnt bottoms of your feet?" He knew what his mother would say, but stubbornly walked away, pretending like his feet didn't hurt. They giggled some more._

_Everyone in this community treated him like a novelty, some new toy, and he couldn't stand it. _

_When he was far enough away from the women, he stepped into the grass and looked at the bottom of his feet. They were bright red like hot coals, and he knew his mother wasn't going to appreciate him complaining tomorrow._

_He noticed someone else standing in the grass nearby, glaring at their feet, too. Except they were saying real curse words._

"_Didn't your parents ever tell you not to say things like that?" He yelled. The girl looked up in confusion._

_She took a few steps closer, and he realized that they were about the same age. In fact, she was a little taller, with blonde hair slipping from her shoulders. Close to his face, almost too close for him, she began spouting off all the curse words in the book._

"_Fuck, shit, damn, Hell." she started laughing when she noticed how his face pinched up in disgust. _

"_What's your name?" _

_He hesitated; he hated his name. It sounded like a girl's name. "Kanda."_

_She didn't question the last name, thankfully, and he would always wonder why. Maybe it was for the same reason he didn't question why she forgot her shoes._

_For some reason, he remembered finding himself in the same patch of grass, with shoes that time after a good lecture from his mother, the next day. Alma was there, too, and they strangely started a friendship even before they met before a test. _

He stacked up their individual test results, letting the sheets fall against his knee until they straightened. The tests weren't what he remembered, since all of those memories were laced with fragments of Alma.

_Alma didn't wait in the grass today, so he crossed a couple of streets and through a dirt trail in the woods until he was at her house. They'd gotten older, almost too old to be seen playing outside together without any raised eyebrows._

_She was beautiful, after all, but she always insisted that it didn't matter because he looked like a girl, too. That made him mad, but he stewed silently as she brushed his hair._

_The screen door squeaked open, and there she was, gripping on to her shoulder tightly._

"_Yuu, I can't play today. My arms all," she stopped. _

_He came over and noticed that her arm was missing altogether. _

"_Pathetic, huh? Today's test didn't go well." Her voice was full of sadness, and this was the only time he remembered her looking so worn. So tired, with paled skin and dark circles._

_The test that day was rough for him, too, and he felt rather worn, but that's why he came here. Hina would hound him if he stayed at home. _

"_Yuu, maybe tomorrow?" Her posture was stiff; she always had a strange air about her when he visited her house. She'd make up any excuse to leave. _

_He insisted that he liked her house; it was so quiet and secluded, unlike the bustle of noise in his own. The trees casted a nice shade, and he could jump in the creek here, unlike when his mother yelled and swatted to get him away from the pond. _

"_Go," she said, pushing him with her free arm. He yelped and heard a definite ripping. Looking down, he realized his own arm came off._

_They both looked at each other with wide eyes, back and forth between his arm and the blood on his shirt. Within a few seconds, however, they were laughing while pointing at each other. _

_Her father came out and did a doubletake between them laughing and his arm at the ground. He obviously couldn't fathom what was so funny, but his eyes softened whenever he saw Alma laughing. Unlike his parents, Alma's father didn't mind the duo always hanging out. _

_They both fell down in the grass as the laughter left them gasping for air, and he felt something snap in his leg. And he was cursing, real curse words, while Alma continued to laugh at him. _

_His cheeks were bright red; wasn't he supposed to be the one in good shape? But the way she laughed, the way her worries melted right off, made him feel better. He didn't care if every bone in his body snapped if it meant she would smile. _

When he was that young, he didn't know what it meant to think something like that.

_The laughter faded, and he looked blissfully at the dusky sky. Of course the bliss didn't last long as his face pinched up and his eyes narrowed._

"_Why are you picking a fight with the sky?" Alma asked, looking over at him. Her hair was full of grass, but he was sure his hair was twice as bad._

"_I don't like them," he replied, still glaring._

"_What, the stars?" she asked incredulously._

"_Yeah. Just look at them, laughing at us like they're better than us," he replied._

"_They're stars, Yuu, not monsters. You're just jealous of them," she replied, sitting up._

"_Why would I be jealous of stupid lights?" He barked back._

"_Because they're free, and you're stuck down here, missing an arm," she replied in a sing-song tone, and this time he glared at her. _

"_Yeah, whatever," he muttered. _

_She bend over and kissed him, an innocent little peck that meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. He always wondered if she wanted to make the stars jealous._

_He asked her all of the different names of the stars, and she didn't mind pointing them out and telling him all kinds of fascinating stories about Greek gods and fierce warriors. _

_His happiness came to a screeching halt when he heard his mother's voice. "Kanda Yuu!" _

_He sat up quickly and felt fear take over him. "Do you know what time it is? If Mei's mother hadn't called me and said where she saw you running off to, I might never have found you!"_

_She sounded flustered, angry, and he watched her cheekbones settle uncomfortably when she noticed Alma. He knew she hated blonde girls, ever since she caught his father kissing his boss._

"_Home, now. You can have a long talk with your father before I get there," she said, pointing her finger indefinitely at their house. He begrudgingly trudged home, but stopped short when he saw the way she was talking to Alma. _

_Hina was wagging her finger and her lips made rude shapes; for a split second, he considered running over to defend Alma. But then he decided against it, going home in an angry huff and then eating dinner at a tense and silent table. _

_His mother sent him off to bed, and he heard the usual whispered feud begin between his parents. _

"_Why are there flowers in the hall?" He asked, noticing all the lotus blossoms everywhere. His mother never liked messes._

"_What, honey?" Her tone was shaky; he'd never seen fear on such a strong woman. He denied asking anything, and went to bed. _

_He didn't see Alma for a couple of weeks, more due to his mother than anything else. Of course, she couldn't stop them from hanging out during tests. _

He picked up Alma's profiling sheet and placed it in the front of her folder. The giant, red stamp on the top mocked him. Deceased. Dead. Gone. Forgotten.

_He'd gotten older, and was starting to understand exactly what the world was. He noticed the wealth gap between him and Alma, and realized why Alma never came over. He knew why his parents slept in different rooms. He stopped using honorifics at the end of his mother's name, and he no longer knew his father. _

_He learned that other kids didn't go to the doctor every week, and that it wasn't supposed to be like this. _

_He thought he knew what love was, in the most simplest and innocent of ways, although Alma had a different definition. _

_It was around this time, too, that he began hanging out with an obnoxious redhead up the street. He only lived with his grandfather, but Kanda knew better than to ask why. Lavi charmed his mother to the point where she would've adopted him if possible, and Kanda used him as an outlet to sneak out more. _

_He learned what loss was as he clung tight to stifle Alma's loud sobs. It was the middle of the night, it was freezing, and he distinctly remembered losing feeling in his hands and feet. They couldn't go in the house, not with her father just lying there. His body colder than the icy air outdoors, with no warm smiles to give and no cheer left to wipe the tears from Alma's face. A heart attack, maybe, they didn't know. All they knew was that he was dead. _

_Hina eventually found them, with Kanda still clutching Alma even though her cries had already stopped. She unleashed her pent-up fury, something Kanda had seen building up in her eyes for months, and he fought back with his own foul mouth. This was the first time his mother ever raised a hand to him. It was a petty slap, one she regretted, but that sealed the fate of their relationship. _

He shut the files after gathering up all the stray papers, and put them back under the seat. He already knew everything inside of them.

Alma never notified the Order that her father died, and lived with the money they meant for her father. Kanda always brought food and things over, even though she insisted he shouldn't. In truth, his mother always bought him sweets, as if some unspoken apology, and he grew to hate sweet things. They only left him with a gritty taste in his mouth and a bitterness he never could shake off.

"_I'm going to Lavi's!" He yelled behind him, shutting the door and strolling through the woods. His mother made some noise of recognition, and he didn't bother waiting to hear what she had to say. He headed the opposite way of Lavi's home, stumbling through overgrown brush until he was standing in a clearing just before Alma's back porch. _

That was the day when-

He stopped himself, knowing that day was the end of his happy ones. He didn't want to remember Alma like that. Resting his head on the window, he decided to fall into an uncomfortable sleep.

_Have I lost someone I love, again?_

* * *

><p>Lavi and Lenalee flawlessly slipped in the glass doors due to all the commotion. There were already many Crow on the scene, along with a couple of body bags.<p>

"This is a huge mess," one said while eyeing the bodies.

"You're telling me: we don't even have anyone to blame for this because they're _all_ dead. We're going to have to start working overtime, and what do we tell the damn news when they notice all of this? I swear, this is too far…"

Lenalee hurried over to the elevator and exited on the science department's floor. The entire department was gathered around a table, with Reever at the helm. Hunched over, he was drawing something, and Lenalee and Lavi crept over to see.

A dim lamp illuminated the was a map in front of him, and he was circling various things and explaining them. The map had four different sections, and upon closer inspection, Lenalee recognized the layout.

"See, none of us noticed this because they had a barrier up. The barrier hid the bottom floor completely, and it was one of those fancy ones."

"Fancy ones?" Someone asked.

"Yeah; there are two different chips, or 'bugs', that support the barrier. These things can't be crushed or broken, so you have to short-circuit them with water. Or in this case," he held up a severely damaged water bottle, "vinegar. Whoever escaped had two of these damn bombs planted next to the chips, and when you shake up the vinegar and baking soda, they explode."

"Shit, we're dealing with a damn genius," one of the researchers said as he handled at the bottle.

Reever circled a square rectangle on the map, farthest away from the line marked, "Exit". "This was where Johnny saw the rooms, fifteen in all. So they had fifteen people as subjects down there. And here," he circled a large square connected to the cell block, "This is where I found Johnny, in some huge room with all kinds of stuff in it. So this hall," he circled another piece, closer to the door, "and these halls, were all the test sites."

"Where'd you get the map, Reever?" Lavi asked casually.

"Johnny found a folder left out on the table down there, and," Reever looked up and realized that Lavi and Lenalee were there.

"Lenalee," he said quietly, eyes not leaving her face.

"Johnny, is he okay?" She asked, walking over to take a closer look at the map.

"What? Oh, yeah, he should be fine. We're just worried that Crow is going to prod all the answers they can get from him," He muttered.

"Did you see who did it?" She asked fiercely.

"No, I didn't-"

Lenalee cut him off. "Did Johnny see who did it?"

"Lenalee, we didn't-"

"Tell me, please," She asked.

He shot her a nervous glance, then looked over at Lavi, who nodded.

"A white figure. That's all Johnny said."

Lenalee looked over at Lavi with desperation, and he said, " It doesn't mean anything, Lenalee, don't jump to any conclusions."

He was a bad liar; Lenalee could sense the same fear. She nodded all the same, hoping she could trick herself into false optimism, too.

"Like a white cloak? Or white hair, or pale skin, or," she trailed off.

Reever suddenly got a stern look in his eyes, and he asked, "Do you know who did this, Lenalee? Did you know about that basement?"

"We didn't know about the basement," Lavi responded before Lenalee could.

There was a pause as they waited for the first question to be answered. Lenalee and Lavi didn't waver, and stood there with tight-lipped expressions.

"Who," Reever asked quietly.

"I need to speak with Johnny," Lenalee said, and turned to leave.

"Lenalee, who did this?"

She didn't respond, leaving the room with only the sound of her clicking heels. Lavi quietly followed, avoiding the questioning glances of the science division.

They stealthily made their way through the hallways, avoiding Crow and other workers, all the way to the medical wing. It looked like the head nurse managed to keep the Crow at bay, standing in front of the door and barking at anyone who came near. Lenalee decided to give it her best shot and swiftly ran over.

"Can I please talk to Johnny?" Lenalee pleaded, not taking her eyes off the door.

"He needs to rest," The nurse generically responded.

"This is a life and death matter! I just need five minutes, and then I'll go. I promise!" She said.

The nurse sighed, and then whispered, "Fine, but the redhead stays here."

She stepped away from the door and yelled, "No, exorcist, you'll have to come back later!"

A couple of the Crow murmured about how annoying the nurse was, and at first Lenalee didn't understand. The nurse shot her a look and then nodded at the door.

"She's giving you a cover, go," Lavi murmured in Lenalee's ear. Lenalee smiled and nodded, slipping in the double doors behind the nurse.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm leaving," Lavi said, loud enough to draw attention. He held his hands up and backed away, making his way over to the Crow idling nearby.

"That nurse, huh? What a piece of work," he said sarcastically, and they looked at him strangely before nodding. The pair shot him another wary look before shuffling out of the hall, muttering to each other.

Once the coast was clear, he sauntered back over to the nurse and said, "Thanks."

"I didn't realize those vultures would be so adamant about speaking with him," the nurse murmured.

"They're really gone and made a mockery out of the Order's name, haven't they?"

"This is a pretty big mess," Lavi muttered back. "And they're out for blood. Johnny has the worst of luck, doesn't he?"

"Sometimes I wish that renegade movement would just sweep through here and let us all start over," she said and sat down with a sigh. Her whole demeanor seemed to deflate as she slouched in the chair.

"They don't even have enough power to clear the first floor," Lavi replied.

The nurse gave him an incredulous look. "But they've been gathering innocence left and right and wiping out our finders!"

Lavi only hummed in response. _No_, he thought bitterly, _they're on the losing end_.

Maybe he would've agreed with the nurse, if he didn't know better. Komui had called him into his office only days earlier.

"_Lavi, my brother wants to speak with you," Lenalee said on their trek back from the Order._

"_Why's that?" He asked._

"_He didn't say, although it didn't look serious. It was probably about you breaking his favorite mug," she said with a laugh. _

"_What? How did you find out?!"_

_Practicing his best excuse for why he'd dropped the mug, he stepped into the office and started with, "Komui, I swear I didn't mean to!"_

"_What?" Komui asked, sleepy but still alert._

"_Uhm, nothing," he replied nervously._

"_I have a selfish request," Komui said. He had dark circles, darker than most of the faculty. Lenalee worried about him, and mentioned it often, even though she wasn't sleeping. No one was. _

"_What is it?" Lavi sat down and stared back curiously._

"_It's about Kanda. Do you think you could convince him to leave that rebellious group?"_

_Lavi shook his head. "They're doing pretty well for themselves, aren't they? I just heard about the French incident. What's got you all bothered?"_

_Komui shot him a weary look. "I'm only telling you this because I've run out of people to confide in. That group is just a bunch of spies."_

"_What? Wait,_ w_hat?" Lavi said with wide eyes._

"_Marie is working for me, and says he recognizes a couple of Leverrier's men. You see, if this group 'steals' the innocence from the buyers, after they've paid," Komui trailed off._

"_They don't have to give anything in exchange for billions of dollars," Lavi finished as he put the pieces together._

_Komui didn't add anything, and left Lavi to his imagination for any other schemes the group was involved in. "Marie tells me the members that aren't spies are planning something. Something big; it's going to be a slaughter. I don't want to see that happen to Kanda."_

"_Kanda won't listen to anyone, you know that. Besides, he's looking for an excuse to die these days," Lavi muttered bitterly. _

_Komui shot him a puzzled look, and then responded, "My conscious can't be put to rest unless I've given it a shot."_

_He knew it would be wasted breath; they both did. However, he still cheerfully said, "You got it. Of course, could you do me a favor also?"_

"_What is it?" Komui murmured, laying his head down on the desk. _

"_Can I pretty please have a copy of the Order's financial records?"_

"_What are you up to, Bookman?" Komui asked curiously as he rummaged through his desk._

"_Nothing that will bother you," he replied, taking the file and heading out._

"_Make sure no one sees you on the way out, so they won't come bother me!"_

_With a thumbs up, Lavi responded, "You've got it, boss!"_

* * *

><p>"Johnny," Lenalee said, standing at his bedside.<p>

His glasses cracked and his face scraped, Johnny was a sorry sight. Although, the more Lenlaee inspected, the more superfluous the wounds seemed. One wound on his side was probably the only mark that would leave a scar. Just as Reever mentioned, none of the wounds were fatal.

"Lenalee, I was hoping I'd see you," he replied weakly, slowly bringing himself to a painful sitting position.

"Don't push yourself," She said.

"No, I'm fine, really," Johnny said with a laugh that broke into a cough.

"I know it's rude to bother you just after you got hurt."

"If I know anything about you Lenalee, it's that you have a good reason to be here. You and Lavi have gathered up so much information for no reason, along with those files you took, and now with this," he wiped off his glasses and looked back up at her, "I'm rambling, aren't I? But if I didn't know any better, I'd think you knew, maybe, that something like this was going on."

Everyone seemed to underestimate Johnny, but Lenalee knew better.

"It's why you went into the archives that other night, right?" Johnny asked.

"I didn't know about the basement, Johnny, but I did know this wasn't the first time something like that happened," Lenalee replied quietly. "I also knew someone who was involved, who could be the same person that did this to you."

Johnny blinked in confusion. "The Noah, you mean?"

"What?" She asked hoarsely. "I mean the white figure, the one that attacked you-"

"Ah, I guess that was a pretty cryptic thing to say to Reever. But the white figure I saw that attacked me really just pushed me out of the way. It was complete and utter chaos, but I'm pretty sure the person didn't kill them all, at least. It was a battleground."

She didn't mean to start crying, in fact, there was no proof that he was even talking about Allen. But maybe, just maybe, there was a chance that she would see him again. There was a chance that they could pick right back off from before the hospital, and do simple and trivial things. Normal things.

_I'm never giving up not until I see you again, Allen. _

"Lenalee, are you okay?"

She wiped the corners of her eyes and nodded. "The Noah, you said? What happened down there? Did you see where Allen-"

"Allen?"

"The white figure, I mean," she corrected.

"To be honest, I hit my head pretty hard. I remember finding the door when I came downstairs this morning, and it was a mess. A couple of men were still alive, and tried to get me to run, saying that monsters were attacking. It was like I was stuck in some strange dream, in a basement that didn't exist full of crazy people. Heh," he shook his head.

"The Noah: I saw the Earl. He was there, and so were a couple other Noah. It was like some big, family feud. The white figure was in the middle of it, and he noticed me before," Johnny stopped, looking confused. "I can't remember. He ended up knocking me away after I didn't run, but everything else is blurry. I don't even remember Reever finding me."

"That's more than enough," she said, kissing him on the forehead. "Get some rest, okay?"

"You too, Lenalee," he said.

She pushed her way out of the doors and thanked the nurse.

"You're the only one who will hear his story, so make good use of it, okay?" The nurse said.

"What?" Lenalee asked.

"Leverrier's men are waiting for their chance to clear his memory. We have to go, Lena," Lavi said.

She thanked the nurse once more before letting Lavi drag her down the hall.

"Do you think that we'll find him?" Lenalee murmured, more to herself than Lavi, as they crossed the empty parking lots.

Lavi stopped, causing Lenalee to absent-mindedly bump into him.

"Lenalee, we might find his body. In fact, I feel like he show himself soon," Lavi solemnly looked her in the eyes, "but I don't know if it will be Allen anymore."

"Please don't say that," she replied. "Please."

"We have to be strong no matter what he is. You remember what Kanda hinted at? About what he said to Cross?"

She nodded. He continued, "Johnny mentioned Noah, remember? I think it's not far off to assume Cross might have put someone linked to the Noah in him. Or, worse, he would've put a Noah itself in Allen."

"How long have you been thinking about this, Lavi?" Lenalee asked.

"Road made it pretty clear back in the hospital," he muttered.

They were standing in front of the lone Jeep now, eyeing Kanda's half asleep posture.

"Kanda's better off not knowing anything, especially not with the way he gets when he's angry. We'll just tell him that there was no record of Allen here, okay?" Lenalee said with her hand on the door handle.

Lavi pursed his lips and glanced at Kanda once more. Lenalee knew that shifty look Lavi acquired, a look that she feared more than anything else. He was detaching himself from his emotions, placing himself far away, like an outsider. Wearing his spectators mask, he looked back over at Lenalee.

"Let's tell him Allen is dead," Lavi said quietly.

"What?" Lenalee said nervously, hand slipping from the door. "_What did you just say?"_

"He's never going to stop looking, Lenalee. Something was going on between Allen and him, that's for damn sure. If we let him know the Noah were involved, he's going to show up on their doorstep and get himself killed. We can keep looking, but-"

"He has a right to know, Lavi!" Lenalee yelled, voice cracking under the pressure.

"I promised your brother I would keep Kanda safe! I promised-"

"He said he loved him, Lavi. He said," tears were starting to spill from her cheeks, "How can you just tell someone their loved one is dead?"

Lavi looked down at his feet. Lenalee saw his mask breaking as emotions lined his features. "I was the one who pulled him away from his dead lover, Alma. I made Kanda leave Alma's body, I cleaned the blood from him. I've done it before, and I'll do it again."

Sometimes she forgot how close of a bond Lavi and Kanda had, especially with the way Kanda denied it.

"But what if we find Allen, and he's okay?"

"Then Kanda can yell at me until his lungs give out. But reuniting with someone is a lot easier than searching for a worthless cause."

Lenalee nodded, unable to speak, and climbed into the car. And as the lies escaped Lavi's lips, as she watched Kanda try to mask the sorrow with a comatose silence, she wondered if she was better off believing Allen was dead, too.

* * *

><p>Sunshine. The irreplaceable warmth that glowed and glimmered on his porcelain skin was a feeling he'd almost forgotten. Lost in a wheat field, he fell to the warm ground in a sleepy embrace of sun and earth.<p>

Next to him, tangled up in the wheat shooting up above their head, Kanda was there. He was laughing, a pure ringing that Allen couldn't say he'd ever heard before. It was as if they hadn't a care in the world, staring up at the afternoon sky with captivated eyes.

He was happy.

He casually ran his hands through Kanda's hair, pulling out the bits of grass and wheat that nested in the dark locks. The habit of messing with the other's hair wasn't one he remembered picking up.

A flash followed by a clap of thunder caused him to flinch. His hand suddenly felt wet and his eyes left the darkening skies. Jerking his hand back, he inspected the black ooze in his palm. _Tar, _he decided, _hot tar was dripping from his fingertips_. Kanda's smile was no longer there; his skin looked like burning wax, and his hair only black slime poisoning the ground.

Allen jumped up to his feet. _How did I get here?_

The field began to wither, wheat drying up and falling apart in dead flakes.

"This is all your fault, Mana." The voice, ominous and sugar-coated, was familiar enough to stir up a storm of acid and anxiety in his stomach.

"Earl," Allen said breathlessly.

The Earl towered over a dead body next to the lone tree in the desolate field. His figure was once again rotund with a Cheshire smile, unlike the emaciated figure that met Allen in the hospital.

"This isn't real!" Allen yelled, taking a few steps away from the dead woman. The ground began to crumble beneath him, until he fell into a darkness so deep that he was drowning.

And then he woke up.

Hyperventilating, he sat up and looked around at the unfamiliar room. It was dark, with only a candle placed near the window. He flinched as a clap of thunder shook the very foundation of the house.

"Allen?"

He whirled around and noticed a figure in the corner of the room, glaring at a mirror. His scarf draped over his shoulders and on the floor, and he shot Allen a wary look.

"Wisely," Allen stopped and realized he was on the floor of Wisely's room. There were strange inscriptions scrawled into the floor and on the walls.

"Who am I speaking to?" Wisely asked, looking away from the mirror.

His glare was unfamiliar and made Allen's skin crawl. There was no warmth, no sarcastic glimmer in his eyes. For once, he looked like a heartless Noah.

"I asked you," he sat up and stood over Allen, "Who the hell am I talking to now? Neah?"

Before Allen could answer, Wisely placed his palm on Allen's head. Bleary-eyed and terrified, he tried not to panic as his head began to pound with pressure.

"It's Allen," he said. "Why would you think I was-"

"Neah's there, but you're Allen, alright," he mumbled, stepping back.

Allen felt a better as Wisely's eyes softened and he helped him from the dusty floor. As he tried to wipe off the dirt and dust, he noticed the red stains. His clothes were splatter-painted in maroon ink, his hands dirty with rust.

"Woah, woah, hey!" Wisely yelled as Allen's knees went weak.

"I was locked up, wasn't I? I was," Allen stopped. His thoughts were a blurry mess, but flashes were bubbling up.

"He used you, Allen," Wisely said bluntly. "You were weak, and he exploited that."

"Who? Neah? Where is he?" _That's right, we broke the barrier, and then_, Allen was shaking, shivering. _I started running. I was running, and running, and then a guard stopped me. The guard-_

He remembered pointing a gun at the guard, right between his eyes, his finger itching on the trigger. _Do it, _Neah whispered in his ear. _They deserve it._

"No, no, no, no," Allen stuttered_. I didn't do it. I dropped the gun, and the guard pointed his own. I was dead._ Before he could pull the trigger, Neah picked the gun off the ground and pulled the trigger without hesitation. Everything past that point was blank. Nothing.

"Get a hold of yourself," Wisely said, helping him back up.

"Tyki! Road!" Wisely yelled. There wasn't an answer. He yelled once more, and then cursed.

"Stay here, I need to go find those idiots," Wisely said, slamming the door behind him.

There was another flash of lighting, and a dark silhouette appeared on the windowsill. He was playing with the candle, and then noticed Allen. Greeting him with a sharp grin, the other jumped off the windowsill.

"What's the matter, partner in crime?" His dress shoes clicked on the tile flooring. Licking his thumb, he wiped off blood from Allen's forehead.

"Neah, what happened? How did we get here, no, why are the Noah involved? Why did Wisely say," Allen felt his voice falter once again.

"I'm assuming you've started to put things together," Neah said. Allen flinched as rain began to batter the window, followed by more lighting. The green of Neah's eyes flashed, pupils dilated and a sly grin plastered on his face. The insane curiosity he once craved now left him sick to his stomach.

"Did you kill all those people?" Allen asked quietly.

"You were going to die, so I took over," Neah replied nonchalantly. "But I guess the blood is still on your hands."

"Took over," Allen repeated. _My body killed those people._ Flashes of blood and gore and gunshots left him dizzy and disoriented_. I can't breathe, I can't-_

"Allen, get away from him." A rough hand pulled Allen back, and he looked behind him. Tyki glared at the silhouette in the window. His face was pensive, eyes brimming with anger.

"Long time no see, Tyki darling," Neah said and held out his hand.

"How is he manifesting himself?" Wisely asked Tyki in a whispered tone.

Neah answered for him, "Cross hooked me up with a pretty nice host, didn't he?"

"Allen has a strange affinity with ghosts, so even if we can see Neah, he's just a worthless little ghost haunting Allen," Road sneered. "He can't do anything but talk."

Neah shrugged. "I can take Allen's body from him when I feel like it."

"Go to hell, already!" Wisely yelled.

"Still a little sore because of me killing you? Did you learn to sleep a little lighter?" Neah laughed as Wisely's face pinched up and his hand clenched.

"Back off, Wisely," Tyki said. "If you attack him, you'll only hurt Allen." Wisely stopped and noticed Allen holding his head in pain.

"Stay awake, Allen," Road whispered in his ear. He nodded with a grim expression, leaning on Tyki for support.

"Go ahead, Wisely. Kill Allen, and I'll be gone forever," Neah said, stepping toward Allen. He passed right through Road and kneeled next to Allen. Sweat plastered Allen's hair to his face, and Neah brushed some away from his eyes. "Or have you all grown soft?"

Road snarled, "Touch him again, and I'll-"

"You'll what? Hit Allen and hope it might hurt me? By all means, go ahead."

"Bastard!"

"Wait. Gone forever?" Tyki asked.

"I can't reincarnate because Allen has no soul. My Noah memory is latched to an empty vessel, so if I lose this body, I'm gone for good."

Allen tried to work out how exactly the Noah memory worked. The Noah must work by possession; they only own the body when they devour the soul, like akuma. But with no soul to devour, Cross only stapled Neah's memory on Allen's own body as a forced version of the process. Without a soul to take, Neah can't fully control Allen's body, and therefore can't jump in another vessel if Allen were to die.

For a split second, he saw the consideration in the three Noah's eyes. _Kill me, and your problems are solved._

Neah yawned and stretched out his arms like a cat. "I'm rather tired, so I'm going to call it a night. I hope they don't kill you in your sleep, Allen!" With a wave, his body dissolved into a pile of black dust.

"He dies with me, right?" Allen said quietly.

"Don't even consider it," Wisely responded.

"I killed all those people," Allen said as he looked at his bloodied hands.

"Neah did it, not you. Don't listen to him," Road said. There was a slight twinge of bitterness in her eyes; the sight of Neah made her lose her temper.

"No, I did it. I was the one who lost control, and I," his breathing hitched and tears began dripping down his cheeks.

"Allen," Road murmured.

"Isn't it your job to destroy innocence? Why don't you just kill me?!" Allen yelled.

All the Noah fell quiet, until there was a knock on the door. Jasdero and Devit peeked in, whispering, "Is Allen awake? 'Cause we could use some help down here."

"Skinn is really hurt, from where you nicked him. And-"

"I attacked one of you?" Allen asked with wide eyes.

"_All of you?"_

"Skinn's Noah memory was already deteriorated past the point of saving," Wisely said to Road, "it might be best to put the Noah of Wrath's memory down."

"He'll be worse when he's reincarnated!" Road yelled.

"Can a person take more than one Noah?" Allen asked, looking up.

"It's never happened before, but if the person has a strong enough mental state, I guess they could hypothetically hold it together. Not for long, though," Wisely said.

"What would happen to Skinn, if he lost the Noah's memory?"

"Just the Noah's memory? I guess he'd lose the Noah ability, therefore, he'd end up like a soulless vessel. When one becomes a Noah, they give up their soul, much like what an akuma does. But the personality and retained memories should still be there. They'd become a soulless human like you, really," Wisely added, with a strange look.

"Put Skinn's Noah memory in me, then," Allen said quickly. "Then he can die with me, and not be reincarnated."

There was a rumbling beneath their feet, followed by a roar. Lulubell's screams rang out from beneath.

"You said so yourself, didn't you? He can't come back to sanity. In fact," Allen stood up and started searching through the dresser drawers. He pulled out a pocket knife.

"You all can save yourselves, and I can take the Noah memory to Hell with me," He said. "All of it."

"No can do, Allen. First of all, how do you expect to think straight with 14 different people running through your head? Second, our job is to destroy innocence. And third," Tyki took a cigarette out and sighed before lighting it, "I don't particularly want to see you die."

"The heart- all we need to do is find the heart of the innocence, right? Then it will all disappear at once. Do you have any leads?" Allen asked.

"We were chasing down this cardinal for a while, but he was just another missing-in-action idiot," Road answered.

There were more thumps from below them and Devit hissed, "This is a great chat and all, but we can't leave Lulubell down there alone any longer! He's going to kill her!"

"Let me do it!" Allen said stubbornly.

Wisely rubbed his forehead and glanced at Allen. "Shit, do you really want to die so bad?"

"I don't have any reason to keep on living out this charade," Allen muttered.

"Cut the crap!" Wisely yelled and slapped him across the cheek, "You think you can fight off Neah with such a bratty attitude? You think you can house 14 different Noah with that little resolve? Do you want to be a victim, or do you want to be a damn martyr for your cause?"

Allen pulled the pocket knife up to his arm, eyes glowing with a determination. "You're right. No matter what, I'm Allen Walker, and I'm going to die as Allen Walker. Not as Neah's puppet."

"Fine," Road said bitterly. "But unless we find out who truly is the heart, I won't give myself up. And if you think the Earl is going to just-"

"Guys!" Devit yelled, pointing outside the door.

"Allen, draw the crosses on your arms; make sure they're facing toward you. We're going to beat him to a pulp, then draw the memory out, and hopefully it will transition well," Wisely flinched as Allen began to draw the crosses on his arm with the blade, "right in your skin."

"Let's go," Allen said, activating his innocence.

_The Earl's death was the key to destroying the akuma; the destruction of the heart would end the abuse of innocence. This has gone on too long, _Allen thought.

_I am no savior anymore. I am merely a destroyer._


	24. Home Isn't Always an Address, You Know

He tightened the ribbon around his neck, and then smoothed down his vest. Trying to put a shoe on, he hobbled over to the mirror and inspected the cuts and bruises on his face. Sure enough, they hadn't disappeared within the five minutes he'd walked away from the mirror. If anything, he'd grown paler. He found all his old make up supplies right where he'd left them, tucked away under the sink, and carefully covered the blemishes. _Battling a Noah and coming out unscathed was too optimistic thinking._

_My arms haven't healed, either,_ Allen thought as he wrapped up his forearms with gauze and pulled the sleeves down.

Wisely said everything had worked out smoothly, but Allen hadn't heard anything from Skinn's Noah ever since that night. I'_m worried about not going crazy, aren't I? What if it didn't work?_

When he had asked Wisely, he only responded,_ the Noah won't sound like us, anyway, Allen. Not like Neah, either. This is like separating the personality from the raw emotion attached; like separating….._

After refusing to sleep at Tyki's home, Wisely begrudgingly escorted Allen back to his dorm. It was obvious some tore through it, searching for anything and everything, due to the mess all over the floor. At first, he had tried to put some of it away, but his back had shuddered like a broken train, and he had collapsed on the pile of clothes littered on the covers. At around two A.M., he had shoved off the uncomfortable mess and had hidden under the blankets until the sun had forced him back up.

It was morning now, a bitter and restless morning filled with fat grey clouds. He listlessly picked up all the clothes and hung them back up, deciding that it was enough effort for the day even before making a dent in the mess. Locking the door behind him, he began his brisk walk to class, as brisk as it could go with jello legs and trembling joints. His eyes slammed on the brakes with every passing person, thing, and idea, unable to take anything in and mind only responding with blank, muddy thoughts. His head felt fried, and in a sense, it was; but this wasn't due to the Noah. It was the radio static buzzing in his head, reminding him of the horror to come.

Lavi, Lenalee, and Kanda wouldn't take it well, for better or for worse, so a public setting was his best bet to avoid their full wrath. School seemed safe, and the calming, almost nostalgic air of the classroom might give him the courage to sum up a crummy apology. Or he hoped so.

_Maybe they won't show up,_ he reminded himself as he sat down. There wasn't a reason he should be sitting here, staring with sweaty palms back at the board he had such a complicated love and hate relationship with. Everything was too normal, too serene; maybe this was how war veterans reacted to the American lifestyle. Maybe he craved a normal, simple life. Maybe he was only playing pretend.

His head was a mess: a melting pot of fear, anxiety, excitement, nausea and the like; but he knew avoidance would only stir it. _I'm fine, aren't I? I'm safe here, safe…._

He looked over at the window; if he needed to make a hasty retreat or escape, he could jump out and the bus stop was three blocks away, but he only had three dollars change in his pocket, so-

_Stop it, Allen. You're fine, absolutely fine on this grey Monday, fine…_

The first bell rang, and he noticed the substitute writing his name on the board, which meant he was one less teacher that needed an excuse for the lack of attendance. People began slowly pouring in, all noticing him with surprise. Two girls, which he recognized from the first day of school after the car accident, came over.

She tightly hugged him and said, "Allen! Where have you been? We all missed you a lot!"

"My grandmother was ill, and with my father gone, there was no one to take care of her," he replied with his best poker face.

"Is she," the girl stopped and her eyes softened.

"She's in a better place," he said with a warm smile. She understood, hugged him once more, and then headed back over to her desk.

He waved at someone else, and then noticed something out of the corner of his eye. Three somethings, to be exact, all blocking the doorway with dumbfounded expressions. His hand fell limp, his mind went blank, and he realized he had nothing to say. There wasn't a plausible excuse, nor would "_sorry, I didn't plan on disappearing," _cover the damage. They all looked at each other in disbelief, no one saying a word. He matched their expressions, forgetting to breathe somewhere along the way, hand still half in the air.

"You three, what's the hold up? You're blocking the doorway, so sit down already!" The substitute barked.

Lenalee was the first to wake up out of her trance, nodding at the substitute. She started walking toward Allen, but the substitute stopped her. "Is that the way to your seat, Miss Lee?"

"No, I guess not. Sorry," she said slowly, and settled uncomfortably in her chair. Lavi did the same, but didn't take their eyes from him. Kanda accidentially bumped into a desk on his way back, hiding his face as he managed to sit down without another detour.

There was a shift in Kanda's eyes, from disbelief to anger, and he looked at Lavi with more outrage than Allen had ever seen. His fists coiled up and his back tensed; the air around him felt like the sensation before a dam burst. Lavi didn't meet his gaze and pretended to do his work, ears growing hot beneath Kanda's death glare.

"You. Fucking. Liar," Kanda whispered fiercely while glaring at Lavi. His idea of a whisper wasn't too far off from yelling, and the entire class glanced between the pair. Lavi's eyes held a rare amount of guilt, and for some reason, Allen just _knew _this had to do with him. Was the window still available for escape?

"Something you want to share with the class, Kanda?" The teacher asked impatiently.

Kanda didn't respond, but turned around in his seat in a stiff, choppy manner. This definitely had to do with him. Lavi looked back at Lenalee, biting his lip and nodding, before shakily writing what barely counted as English.

The rest of the class period dragged on with a suffocating silence, and Allen winced as the bell rang once again. The chirping of an unforgiving bell shattered the mental courage he'd worked up. _Would you three mind if I took a quick trip to the bathroom before you start in on me? I only need to throw up, won't be more than a minute. Won't be more than a minute…._

Once again, his mind was blank and his mouth was dry. The teacher dismissed them soon after, giving the lecture that "the bell does not dismiss you, I do," but Kanda had already dragged Lavi into the hall by his collar.

Allen quickly gathered up his things and followed the pair out, catching a glimpse of Kanda tossing Lavi into the lockers. A strange, charged energy captivated passersby, along with Allen himself, and he watched the beginnings of a one-sided argument with horror. They were starting to make a grand scene, with students all gathered around in hopes of watching a fight.

"I can explain Kanda!" Lavi yelled, ducking beneath a punch.

Allen began to work his way through the crowd in a futile attempt of stopping this before it got out of hand.

"You told me he was dead, bastard!"

_Dead? Who was dead?_ It clicked. _Ah, that would be me._

"I thought he _was _dead!" Lavi yelled, this time fighting back with a swift kick to Kanda's side.

_Why would I be dead?_ It clicked. _Lavi wanted to put Kanda to rest. Life goes on after death brings hope to a stuttering halt, but uncertainty keeps the timeline in a hovering state of the past. Should I have even come back?_

"Move it," Allen hissed as he pushed his way through the crowd.

_That's not something Kanda would understand, of course._

"But you didn't know, did you? You told me you saw his dead body!" Kanda punched Lavi square in the jaw, causing him to stumble backwards.

Lavi held on to his mouth as if he'd just bitten his tongue, face grimacing with the sour taste of blood. And then anger blossomed in Allen's chest, anger about how stupid this really was. The same anger bubbled up in Lavi's throat, and poison dripped from his words.

"You wouldn't have been able to control yourself if you found out what happened! I did it so that you wouldn't get yourself killed!" Lavi roared back.

"You had no right to keep this from me!" Kanda wasn't pulling back any blows, nor was Lavi.

Allen stepped out in the arena they'd created in the middle of the hallway, although both barely noticed. He caught a punch aimed for Lavi's already bruised eye, knuckles cracking under the pressure.

"Cut it out already, you idiots! What is this fight going to solve?" Allen shouted.

They stopped, the hard chunks of ice in their stomachs dissolved, coming to their senses with a wide-eyed expression like that of a deer caught in headlights.

"Allen!" Lenalee shouted, wrapping her arms around him from behind and nearly knocking him over in the process.

Everyone fell silent, especially Lavi and Kanda, and Allen realized how strange they must've looked. The hallway packed with assorted students ran out of cheers and whoops, falling into a state of confused spectators, like seagulls on a beach all eyeing the same empty box of French fries. Before he could do anything to save their family feud, a teacher hurried to the scene and shooed the crowd away. They scattered, much like the birds they were, all making strange comments like squawking.

"Is there a problem here, boys?" She asked with her arms crossed.

"Everything's just great!" Allen replied with a charming smile, releasing Kanda's fist. Pretending to not notice Lenalee still latched on him, he added, "Kanda and Lavi were arguing about a video game, but I'm _so_ glad a fight didn't break out!"

She raised an eyebrow, but her strict disposition melted when she looked once more at Allen's bright smile. "Fine, fine, just don't make me put up with you two fighting again, okay?"

"There won't be anymore problems, right you two?" Allen said in a sing-song voice, sending glares back at the two behind him.

"Right," Lavi finally answered, picking himself off the ground.

She left them alone with a few grumbles, and the silence he so hated came back with a vengeance.

_You're a pretty smooth liar, aren't you? _Allen's eyes widened when he heard the voice, and looked around for the source. His heart was pounding against his ribcage, but Neah was nowhere to be found. He wanted to apologise to the silence and ask if it would move back in.

Lavi looked at Allen for a few seconds, eyes watering and hands trembling. He followed Lenalee's example and embraced Allen while sobbing. "Allen! It's really you, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess it is, isn't it?" Allen said, trailing off when he forgot the voice and started to tear up.

And then they were all three crying in the middle of the hallway, horrible, ugly sobs mixed with laughter and the occasional snort. There were few moments Allen could say he felt truly happy, but this would stick with him forever. Feeling wanted, with such a sense of belonging, wasn't a feeling he could relate to anything else.

"Can I speak with Allen?" Kanda said, clearing his throat mid-sentence.

Allen looked up and realized Kanda was still livid, glaring daggers in Lavi's direction. Then he realized that his name was used, rather than some insult Kanda usually stuck with, and that dry, peanut-butter stuck to the roof of your mouth feeling reemerged. _No,_ he panicked, _no, you can't speak with me. Not alone, not with such a serious expression. I want to stay right here, and not face the important things. In fact, I can't face you._

"Why's Kanda trying to kill Lavi?" Allen asked.

"I'll tell you later," Lenalee whispered, in that tone that meant she was never going to tell him.

He wanted to tell them not to leave, _oh please don't do it,_ but his mind came to the eventual conclusion that there wasn't much time to mince words. Problems had a way of making themselves known, one way or another.

"If you two think you're off the hook for this, I swear-"

"See you two later!" Lavi said nervously, cutting Kanda off.

And then the unnerving silence came back, choking him once again. He was sure it was laughing by now, mysteriously finding the control it had on him quite humorous. His eyes stayed fixed on the floor tiles like glue, and he began counting them to find some sort of solace in the claustrophobic hall. He couldn't meet Kanda's eyes, in fact, he couldn't even look in his direction. Kanda's glare was piercing his skin, and he was ice cream melting on the hot summer pavement.

Eventually he attempted a pathetic sentence, anything to escape that silence. Words used to be easy, even when faced with a six-foot four gambler who noticed an extra card up his sleeve. And yet here he was, stumbling over one-syllable words with the comprehension of a first grader and the pace of an old dog. "Kanda, I-"

Kanda wasn't much for words, he knew that, but this was a rather abrupt way to end a conversation. Even before Allen finished his poor excuse at an apology, or whatever he wanted to say, he never quite figured it out, Kanda cut him off with a kiss.

When their lips parted, Allen suddenly understood those sappy metaphors long-distance lovers exaggerated, with the moon and the sun missing each other and the greeting cards that talked about rain in spring. He was biting back tears again, misplaced, burning tears. Kanda missed him, hadn't forgotten him, wouldn't forget him. The panic was subsiding and his thoughts were slowing down to a more comfortable pace.

"Don't you want to know what happened?" Allen asked, crying with a dumb smile. Little trails left by the drops make his face into cracked quartz, and if he didn't know any better, Kanda's rocky complexion was a landslide away. Not that he would cry, of course; that was something he left up to Allen, and Allen was sure he could cry enough for the both of them. Although Kanda sure was doing a poor job at pretending to be strong for the both of them.

Allen pulled himself together soon enough, trying not to break down once again as Kanda helped him smear off some of the tears still lingering.

"Later," Kanda said and pulled him in closer, "I'm going to force you to tell me exactly what happened."

"Is that a threat?" Allen said sarcastically.

Kanda rolled his eyes in the way Allen knew he wasn't angry in the slightest, and brushed his lips again. Not caught off guard this time, Allen drew in close and tangled his hands in Kanda's hair, pulling at the ponytail until the dark locks cascaded over his shoulders.

"You're going to have to fix that," he murmured.

Why they were holding such a nonchalant conversation instead of what Allen expected to be, well, something a little more substantial, he would never understand; maybe this was how Kanda danced around becoming a train wreck. Maybe he was just as scared as Allen was.

"It looks better down," Allen replied casually.

Kanda opened his mouth to argue, and Allen shamelessly took advantage of his parted lips.

"Hey, cut it out you two!" Allen recognized the substitute's voice and his eyes fluttered open. Kanda paid him no mind, and instead of stopping, he lowered his arms until they were around Allen's waist.

"I'm talking to you!" The teacher banged on the lockers nearby to get their attention.

Kanda side-eyed the substitute with a smirk, and Allen knew that glance, or rather, he feared it. He kissed Allen again, as his hands followed winding trails up and down the fabric of Allen's shirt and low enough to get his point across.

Now, Allen had no idea why Kanda hated this substitute enough to put on such a show, but he wasn't one to spoil someone else's fun. In fact, he was known for his acting. He roughly grabbed the front of Kanda's shirt and opened his mouth in the middle of the kiss, enough to let the substitute to know exactly what was going on between their lips.

"Oh, that is disgusting!" The thoroughly embarrassed teacher pulled them apart, glaring daggers at Allen, who could no longer keep it together and was laughing. The expression on Kanda's face was priceless, although everything seemed less funny once they were sitting in the principal's office.

He quietly sat in the uncomfortable chair, ear still red from being dragged down the hall, and kept his eyes on the floor. _Yes, I know public displays of affection are wrong. Yes, I know skipping class is wrong. No, it won't happen again._

Komui blinked a couple of times before repeating, "Kanda did _what_?"

The substitute stammered, "Why don't you ask these delinquents what they were _doing_?"

Komui was aging with every breath he took, eyes glazing over as he grew bored of the substitutes rambles. "I'll take care of it. Don't waste your lunch break here," Komui said, waving off the teacher. The man left in a huff, slamming the door behind him.

"Kanda-"

"What?" Kanda replied sharply, arms folded while glaring at the other.

"You know what. That kind of behavior isn't exactly, school appropriate," he said, straining to sound professional. _I didn't realize two boys kissing in the halls of the respectable Christian school would be a problem. Honest to God- I mean, sorry, pardon my French, honest to goodness, I wasn't aware. Won't happen again, sorry for your trouble._

"I'm holding up my end of the bargain, aren't I? 'Show up at school until you graduate and the Order won't bother you until then'," Kanda replied in the same monotone the class repeated the Pledge of Allegiance.

"That doesn't mean you can act like a juvenile, you know," he replied, eyeing Allen. "Where have you been recently, Walker?"

Allen didn't have an excuse; Komui knew there wasn't a grandmother Allen could be taking care of.

"What's it matter? Are you going to give us detention or what?" Kanda said before Komui could prod further.

Komui sighed, deflating once again, before caving in and replying, "I guess not, as long as I don't have to see you two in here again."

"It won't happen again," Allen replied, putting on a winning smile. Komui nodded and then shooed them out of the office.

"He works for the Order?" Allen asked as they walked toward the lunch room.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, lots of Order members work here. They can't just be paid through the Order, because then they can't be taxed and its a mess with the IRS," Kanda mumbled.

"That rhymed," Allen said cheerfully, and Kanda pushed him with an annoyed, but still charmed, smirk.

"At any rate, if they get jobs at private institutions, like this school or a couple other laundering businesses under the Order, they can get their money legally."

"Why the Order didn't bust me sooner, if my name is here?" Allen asked as Kanda opened the door for him.

"Komui doesn't have to report who goes here, in fact, he's covering for me so that I'll get a half-assed education. He thinks he owes me, in some stupid sense, but he can't take back what the Order did to me," Kanda muttered bitterly.

Allen was puzzled at Kanda's cryptic words, but didn't push the matter. They sat down and Kanda's anger sparked once more upon seeing Lavi.

Lenalee muttered, "I told you that it was uncalled for to say that, Lavi. You can't just tell people that someone is dead."

Lavi started, "I'm really sorry, Kanda, it's just that-"

"I don't want to hear it," Kanda replied through pursed lips.

"Allen's alive, isn't that what matters?" Lenalee said cheerfully while pinching Allen's cheek. She pulled her hand back suddenly and looked at the powdery residue on her fingers. Crying didn't exactly do wonders for his complexion.

"You're still horrible at makeup," Kanda said as he brushed Allen's face and noticed the same foundation.

"What? Not enough blush?" Allen asked incredulously. Kanda accidentally had some on his cheek, but Allen pretended that it wasn't there. He was hoping that Lenalee and Lavi were at least pretending not to notice, either.

Kanda smacked the back of Allen's head and Allen responded, "Hey! Keep hitting me and I'm going to get brain damage!"

"Can't do any more damage than there already is," Kanda playfully responded and swiped again. Allen dodged it this time and smacked his head back, saying, "Same goes for you!"

They stopped fighting for a moment and realized Lenalee and Lavi were watching with bright eyes and ear-to-ear grins. "What?" Kanda asked dumbly.

"So," Lenalee couldn't hide the delight plastered on her face, "When were you two planning on telling us?"

"Tell you," Allen stopped and looked over at Kanda, "what? That Kanda has brain damage?"

"No, not that," Lenalee said, trailing off while waiting for Lavi to butt in.

"Kanda said he loved you!" Lavi shouted and then practically hid behind Lenalee.

Allen sat there for a moment, brain falling behind as the world continued on. He was sure someone just said something, positive. The humming in his brain from this morning returned, churning all his thoughts into mush. Had they done some irreparable damage to him back there? _Someone said something. Words, words that meant something important, words that…_

The words eventually settled in his mind like mud in water, clearing up like a displaced mixture finally does. He looked over at Kanda slowly, expecting a denial of Lavi's joke, but instead caught a glimpse of something he never thought he'd see. Kanda was blushing, as much as his hardened cheekbones would allow, and Allen found himself back in the stunted state of limbo between the lunch table and an alternate universe, with the same lunch table and the same words repeated over and over. _Where was he, exactly?_

"You are so dead, rabbit bastard!" He decided that he was here, no_t there_, in that word of repeating phrases and mistakes and bad memories.

This time, he let Lavi fend for himself as the fight broke out in the middle of the lunchroom.

In spite of himself, he wondered if this was how relationships were supposed to work. Love confessions at lunch tables, skipping class, getting in trouble together: it was a nice break. Even if it was just playing pretend.

Of course, Lenalee started in on him soon after, and he tried to gloss over the more risqué questions at first. And then he didn't.

* * *

><p>"Allen, where do you think you're going?"<p>

He stopped in front of the door, answering, "Back to my room, where else?"

"He's lying," Kanda said while narrowing his eyes.

_No I'm not, _he thought resentfully, I'_m sure I'll be back to my room by dawn._

"We've all decided that you shouldn't be left alone, so you should sleep over at Kanda's dorm or mine. Your choice," Lavi said.

"My choice_, really_? When did you three become protective parents?" Allen asked.

"When you disappeared," Kanda replied shortly.

"If you're really that worried, one of you can sleep outside my door," Allen replied with a scowl.

"Allen, we really messed up back there," Lenalee's face fell, "We shouldn't have let you go, and I kept having nightmares about what might have happened to you. What probably did happen. I'm not making the same mistake twice; I'm not watching you disappear again."

_Aren't they in for a surprise? _Allen noticed the shadow figure out of the corner of his eye and pursed his lips.

_Imagine if you fall asleep and wake up to a dead body. It'll be all my, no, I guess, your fault. But everyone has to sleep sometime._

"Shut up," Allen hissed.

"What, Allen?" Lenalee asked in surprise.

_Who are you talking to? I'm not here, remember? _Neah's figure disappeared, but his laughter remained.

"Sorry, I mean, sure. I just need to clean up my room because someone destroyed it," Allen glanced at Kanda, "By the way, where is Timcampy?"

"Cross has him," Kanda said, waiting for Allen's reaction.

_"Oh."_

"Yeah, 'oh'," Kanda repeated while glaring. "You knew he was alive, didn't you?"

"Details, details," Allen said while waving it off, "I'll come by Lavi's later."

"Later being when?" Kanda yelled.

"Oh you know, around whenever," Allen said, backing out the door. "Not too late."

"You're not going to disappear again?"

The words stuck him as odd, especially coming from Kanda.

"Of course not, BaKanda, I just came back!"

_Not yet._

* * *

><p>"You know, Allen," Wisely said as they flipped through files, "Maybe we could just take Neah out of you and stick him in some poor sap. You could escape all this and, I don't know, get old and fat or something."<p>

They had slipped into the bottom of the Order building with the help of one of Road's keys, stolen and not given, on a hunt for research. Without a lead on the Heart, this was the only place to go digging, even if this was the last place Allen had wanted to be. It was dark and musty and downright creepy down in the catacombs of shelves and files, with footsteps with just enough of a lagged echo to emulate the sound of someone following close behind. He imagined all kinds of things hiding in the dark, with bright, ravenous eyes and foaming mouths.

However, Wisely walked without a care in the world, and Allen imitated him. _No, he wasn't bothered in the slightest._

Allen took the flashlight from his mouth and replied, "I don't think it's possible at this point, since he's awakened. Besides, my innocence already shortens my life. The oldest I'll get is thirty, maybe, and I'll probably be a skinny, weak, and hooked up to a respirator. That is, of course, if I don't get locked up for being downright crazy. I wonder what my visiting hours will be."

"What I'm saying is you don't have to do this, Allen," Wisely replied, ignoring his sarcasm, and put another file back.

"I don't even know if it's working. I haven't even heard Skinn's Noah memory, or at least not like Neah," Allen mumbled.

"Allen thinks I'm obnoxious," Neah whispered, appearing behind Wisely.

Wisely jumped at the sound of the voice, and then glared at the crooked smile. He swatted Neah away and replied, "It's because you are, damn it! And, Allen, you might never hear from him. Noah's are all different part of 'Noah', and since Skinn is the Noah of Wrath, you'd have to-"

"Get really angry and lose it," Neah added nonchalantly. "Besides, you didn't take along the personality. The most you might get is cravings for sweets, but you always seem to have those."

"Can you get rid of him?" Wisely muttered.

"Unfortunately," Allen stepped off the ladder, "No, I can't. Why don't they have anything on the location of the Heart?"

"Maybe they don't know, either. But, hey, at least we have all their research," Wisely said, pulling out a lucky file.

"I know who it is," Neah said, batting his eyelashes.

Allen had never wanted to kill anyone, something he was sure of, but something about Neah put a hint of murderous intent in his eyes.

"Oh, really? Enlighten us," Wisely said.

"The sooner we find the Heart, the sooner Allen dies, right?" Neah continued, pretending to read a file.

"It's upside down," Allen pointed out, and Neah flipped it.

"So, the sooner we find the Heart, the sooner I disappear, too?" Neah said.

"Look, if you aren't going to be helpful, go find something else to do," Allen muttered.

"Fine, fine," Neah said, pouting as he walked off into the shadows.

"Wisely," Allen said quietly, "What happens if Neah takes my body?"

"Then we'll kill you. Why are you worrying suddenly?" Wisely asked.

"He's just always around. And, he mentioned taking my body while I slept," Allen muttered.

"I can come over and handcuff you to something every night, if that would make you feel better," Wisely said.

"What's worse is that Kanda and Lavi are insisting I sleep with them," Allen added sullenly.

"Sleep with both of them? Now there's something I'd like to see!" Wisely mocked.

"Not like that, you idiot!" Allen hissed, elbowing Wisely while he laughed.

"Just tell them what's going on, then. Or do you think they'll have a moral problem with your martyr complex?" Wisely stood up and stretched, clutching the files in one hand.

"It's not that easy," Allen said while standing up.

He frowned, noticing a problem with the fact that he could talk with Wisely and not his friends. Although, the shared hatred of Neah gave them all a strange bond; maybe it was how family was supposed to feel.

There was a faraway, faint noise, a loose file falling to the ground like an autumn leaf, and Allen immediately turned off his flashlight. Where there are dead leaves, there is the inevitable crunch of a boot.

"Do you hear that?" Allen said frantically while glancing around.

"No, what was it? Damn it, I knew we stayed too long," Wisely whispered irritably. He fumbled around in his pockets for Road's key, and then muttered something about finding a door.

It was silent now, not even the air conditioning humming in the background. He waited with strained ears, eyes wide even though he could see nothing but dead, black silence. The creatures he imagined seemed to sliver and slop back nearby, ready to pounce.

"I don't hear anything, that's the problem," Allen replied after a few moments. "Where's Neah?"

His words were swallowed by an earth-shattering boom, followed by echoes of thousands of shuffling files. They fell like a flurry of sparks, and Allen winced as the heavy object settled. He could see nothing, but it was clear enough that they weren't alone. _Bookshelves didn't fall on a whim._ The noise woke up the building and thundering footsteps followed, along with bright flashlights cutting through the dark.

"_Who's down here?"_

"What was that?" Wisely hissed, pulling them both under a stray desk.

"I don't know, but we have to get out, now. There is a door on the west wall, correct?" Allen asked quietly, swallowing down his fear.

Before Wisely could answer, another slam shook the ground with tremors of noise. The noise, Allen realized, was the sound of bookcases toppling over. Not just one, but two, three, all falling like dominoes with paper falling in the air with the clouds of dust.

"_Hey, you! Show yourself!"_

"_Oh my, it seems I've been caught!" _There was another loud thud, followed by more yelling.

Wisely and Allen both shared equally pissed off glances at the sound of the obnoxious voice. The Noah of Destruction was certainly doing what he loved best.

"_Would you stop doing that!? You have ten seconds to get on the ground before I shoot!"_

"_Nope."_

Close enough to hear the breath of the nearby security, Allen held his own and sent a silent prayer to whoever was listening upstairs. The soft footfalls passed by their hiding place rather unsteadily, but still left all the same. A bookshelf nearby suddenly fell, and Allen dashed behind another to avoid the scanning lights.

"Make him stop!" Wisely whispered fiercely.

The guards were upon them now, and Neah was illuminated in their flashlights, grinning and leaning against a shelf. Allen and Wisely were shooting death glares his way, and he started laughing, a sick chime that never failed to send shivers down his spine. It reminded him that Neah was a part of him, and that a part of him wanted to run up and down the aisles knocking down shelves and setting the files ablaze.

The guards focused on Neah for now, but Allen knew it wouldn't be long until they took a few steps back and saw the crouching pair. Neah didn't make eye contact, but he knew they were watching with bated breath as he started to lean a little too much on the rickety shelf. A shelf that would knock over their hiding spot with one deflated exhale.

"Open fire!" The bullets passed right through Neah, sending a wave of spooked glances through the guards.

They shot until firing blanks, and Allen grabbed Wisely's collar as Neah began to push the bookshelf. Wisely was frozen, unable to comprehend the shouts of the guards, looking up at the growing shadow of the bookcase.

"Come on!" Allen said, pulling him by the wrist around corners and aisles. Wisely was still swallowed by fear, expressionless and silent as a broken doll.

_There's more of 'em!_

_What if they are ghosts?_

_Shit, he's tipping over another!_

"Where's the key?" Allen asked frantically as they approached the west wall.

Wisely slowly snapped out of his trance, still reacting slow and barely putting one foot in front of the other. He felt around in his pockets and then looked back up at Allen like a fish out of water.

Whatever spooked him reduced him back to a seventeen year old kid, instead of the air of wisdom he carried, and Allen practically forced him to keep moving. There was a flash beside him, followed by a bang; they had time to reload. Wisely barely dodged a line of fire with a lucky misstep.

"What's wrong with you? Wisely, answer me!" _Am I supposed to go sift through the rubble to find the key? There isn't a chance of us making it out, not with Wisely so-_

He saw something with a brilliant shine pop out from the darkness, and he barely caught it in a fumbling panic.

"Not so bad, am I?" The last thing Allen had on his mind was a thank you for Neah, but the key sure was a stepping stone to forgiveness. Allen made his way back to the wall, feeling the heat of the bullets as they whizzed by. He stopped just before the door and tipped over a bookshelf himself, hearing the undignified roars of the guards caught beneath.

"Fun, isn't it?"

He watched the key open a door, one he had no idea what was waiting on the other side, and shoved Wisely through, then himself, with Neah pulling up the rear.

* * *

><p>They tumbled out into what Allen immediately recognized as Wisely's room. The strange scribblings and dust-lined furniture were definite landmarks of the unkept owner.<p>

"What the hell, Neah?" Allen yelled in outrage, picking up the first book he could find and uselessly throwing it at him. Neah let the book hit him with a loud smack, smirking as Allen clutched his head through the throbbing pain he'd just inflicted on himself.

Ignoring Neah, Allen bent down next to Wisely. He had a blank look on his face, barely registering Allen's voice.

The door behind him burst open, with an angry Road in the opening. She snatched the key out of Neah's open palm and stomped over to Allen, yelling, "Where the hell did you idiots run off to? Tyki and I were worried sick!"

"Why's Wisely acting like that?" Allen asked, ignoring the slap she gave him for good measure.

"Yes, Road, what ever could be the matter with Wisely?" Neah asked coyly.

She lost her air of anger and traded it for annoyance. "What happened?"

"We were in the Order," he ignored her burning glare, "Don't look at me like that. There was nowhere else to go searching for the Heart."

"Okay, so you two took it upon yourself to go prancing through the Order. Makes perfect sense. Did you expect it to end well?" She shouted, and Allen flinched.

"Woah, woah, what's all the noise?" Tyki asked as he peered in.

"It was fine, until Neah started acting like a five-year old," Allen muttered.

"That's his specialty," Tyki said, face souring as he noticed Neah on the other side of the room. Neah shrugged and disappeared, knowing when he wasn't wanted.

"So what happened?" Road asked as they pulled Wisely up and sat him down on the bed.

"Well, Neah started tipping bookshelves, God knows why, and we nearly got buried in there. There were a lot of gunshots, too; is he afraid of guns?" Allen asked.

The room fell silent, and suddenly Tyki and Road had a somber look about them.

"No, not guns," Tyki muttered, leaving the room. "I need some air."

Allen heard him mutter something about Neah being a bastard. Spending so much time with the Noah so much made them seem much more like people; Tyki was no longer the perverted person Allen saw him as. He was bored, when it came right down to it; maybe a little masochistic, but not inherently evil. When in the face of morbid things, he was one of the first people to leave, with an unmistakable kindness in his eyes. _Why had the Noah suddenly gained an interest in humans?_

He would never hear the end of it from Kanda if he knew they'd become a strange sort of friends. _It was more of a joke when he kissed me, really. He's a real stand up guy, in fact, didn't he help us out that one time? No, not that time where I almost died. Not that time either. Okay, he might not have the best track record, but-_

"When Wisely, uhm, died," Road swallowed hard, avoiding looking at Allen, "You see, it wasn't, uhm-"

"You don't have to say it if you don't want to," Allen said quietly, heading down the hall and entering the bathroom on the left.

_I shouldn't know my way around here,_ he thought, grabbing a cold rag. He came back in and noticed Road wanted to say something, gripping at the folds in her dress with hard eyes.

"You should know, really. Wisely doesn't talk about it, but I'm sure he knows. We all remember our deaths, every last one. It was just so terrible, the way it happened," she paused to gather courage, "he was crushed, like, _splat._ And every time he came back to consciousness, his body was still stuck, you know, between the two," she was trailing off and making vague hand gestures, "every time he came back to his senses, he suffocated or gave in to the pain, because his bones and lungs couldn't heal, because he was just _stuck_; he just kept dying," she gave up. "He just didn't come back, that last time. I watched his face grow dark and blank as he took his last sick breath. He didn't- even have enough left in him to say goodbye, he just-"

Allen brought her in close as she started crying, trembling. "I was too weak to help him, Allen! Neah left him like that, too! And when Wisely finally came back a year ago-"

_He couldn't face things like that_, Allen thought quietly. The idea of being crushed over and over nauseated him, and he sent a resentful thought in Neah's direction. Neah didn't respond.

Wisely was sleeping now, in a tense way that looked as if he was having a nightmare. He probably was. Road let go of Allen and said, "I'll take care of him. You should go."

Putting a key in his hand, Road began to fall apart. He sent the pair one last glance before stepping through a dark entrance.

"Wait," she said, just before he left.

"What?"

"The key to shutting up the Noah in you," Road said softly, "Neah will go quiet if you think of things he doesn't like. You'll figure it out, I'm sure of it, and he'll go away."

"Thanks, Road," he said sincerely, stepping through the doorway.

* * *

><p>He didn't bother to ask where the door led, but suddenly felt small once emptied out in front of Lavi's door. <em>They're asleep, it's late, remember? You're fine, safe, okay...<em>

It was late, and that was exactly what he promised he wouldn't be; hopefully Lavi would be knocked out, drooling on his pillow. He could just curl up on the couch and take a nap until sunrise.

He put the key in the lock, but couldn't bring himself to twist the handle. I can't sleep.

I could kill someone.

Steeling himself, he slowly slid the door open just enough so he could slip in. The room was black, which was a good sign, and he let the door fall closed behind him. He carefully let his bag hit the floor with a soft thump. Relief washed over him as the sound of slight snoring filled the quiet room.

He pulled his phone out and checked his messages. Both Road and Tyki messaged him with welcoming news about Wisely; Devit sent him a Snapchat with Wisely in the background, half-asleep but still somewhat aware of the camera. _Idiots, _he thought with a smile.

There were a couple of stray texts from Lavi, scattered through the earlier hours of the evening. Kanda hadn't left him a single message or call, something he wasn't sure should be taken lightly. Also it was one thirty in the morning. Also, when he looked up, the light from the phone barely illuminated a figure on the couch.

He flinched, cursing and stumbling back.

"Evening, bean sprout."

Just Kanda, what a relief. No, wait; just Kanda was a bad thing. A lamp flicked on and Lavi made a noise of annoyance in his sleep.

"Allen, is that you?" He mumbled out, not bothering to look over. Allen didn't respond, and the covers went up over his ears to protect himself from the glare of the lamp.

With a heavy sigh, Allen collapsed on the couch as the weight of the day sapped him of what little strength he had left. Kanda didn't stir next to him, staring at the floor as if it were the most interesting spot on the planet.

"Sorry," Allen finally said, not because he was sorry, but because it was what you said.

Kanda still didn't respond, waiting for Allen to tell him anything. It was up to him, of course, if he told the truth, or if he lied to live another day._  
><em>

But when it came right down to it, he didn't know how to be honest. Where did he start?

Oh, Kanda, I can't tell you where I've been, and I can't tell you where I'll be tomorrow night. The truth is, I'm dying. And I might be going crazy. And above all, I'm terrified. It's one of those cold feelings that seep into your skin and you can never quite shake off. Oh, I also have a Noah inside of me, no make that two. Could be three, tomorrow; they say Sheryl won't make it to the end of the week. His wife died, what are the odds of that at a time like this? You probably don't care, I know, because you hate them. I'm friends with them, damn it, I'm even helping them destroy the innocence, or maybe that's what they think. I've got a plan, a plan that leads down the one lane road to self-destruction. It's a big gamble, but I think it might work. Wouldn't _you_ like to know?

You. I'm terrified of you. Terrified I might love you; terrified what you'll think of me when I turn into a monster and come to slit your throat. Or maybe I'll crush you, watch your bones break over and over until the lights go out upstairs. I guess I don't get to pick what happens in the end.

Before he could voice even one of his sporadic thoughts, Kanda talked instead.

"Allen, I feel like that one woman in every old photo," Kanda murmured, his head falling against Allen's shoulder.

Allen didn't understand, but Kanda continued without looking up, talking more to the wall than him. "You know the one. She doesn't have a name, but she has that same expression every time, whether she's standing next to a giant boat and waving goodbye, or next to a rocket ship and holding her hat so it doesn't fly away, or pretending to smile while her son walks away with the general sent to take him far, far away.

She's trying her damnedest not to care, to remind herself that everything will be fine, and she's stuck at home, waiting, waiting, waiting for her son, mother, daughter, sister, to call her, to say they're fine, to tell her anything. You can see it in her eyes; she wants to cry, but no, she's smiling for the photo, knowing she's a stupid fool. Yeah, there's a chance you'll see them again, but she's resigned herself already, accepting the worst, writing the speech the presidents have to in event of a catastrophe in her head. She's going to grow old, sitting by the phone; she's going to die before that call ever comes, but she doesn't get off the old, tired couch."

And then Allen did understand, and the room fell silent except for his stalling heart beat. "Why doesn't she just throw the stupid phone out and move on?" He asked quietly.

"I told you: she's a fool. She's just," Kanda stopped, and Allen was sure that if he looked down Kanda would be in tears. But he didn't. Couldn't.

Allen suddenly felt like his bones were candles, dripping as the hot wax burnt through his skin, burnt out into charred and remains. He swallowed hard and asked, "What if the news she's waiting on isn't good? What if they can't call because the news is too horrible to bear?"

"That's just a damn shame," he stuttered out through miserable sniffles, "Isn't it?"

Allen was positive Kanda was crying now. Allen was sure he was crying, too, but couldn't feel it; he felt numb, in and out, except for the slight weight of Kanda resting against him. If Lavi turned over, they'd be a sight for sore eyes, miserably crying and falling apart and simultaneously pretending to be okay.

Kanda was starting to drift off, but Allen knew that he couldn't sleep, because somewhere along the way he'd decided that not telling the poor woman in the faded picture about her son's death was easier than ringing her up and explaining how many gunshots entered his head and just about how long it took before he fell to the battlefield in a disgrace. Or how many feet up in the air the rocket made it, if any, before imploding and killing all the passengers. Or that the boat you wished a safe voyage crashed spectacularly into an iceberg.

It didn't matter either way; the woman knew better, and it was written all over her face in the photograph.

It was written in dark ink all over Kanda's face, casting grave shadows across his skin.


	25. Smoke Means Fire, So Sneezing Means

"Devil's Den?" Allen murmured, looking up from the scribble on the crinkled scrap of paper.

The bar was unsavory, with dingy yellow light escaping from the old wood in wheezing gasps. Smoke and shouts clouded up the air, arguments and cheers blending into one drunken noise ordinance that Allen wanted nothing to do with. Of course, he'd long since steeled himself to enter, and popped his hood over his damp hair.

Above the entrance, a shoddy sign written in white paint stated, "Dead men tell no tales, but then again, your wife don't either!"

_Doesn't. She doesn't._

It was a bumpy ride to the back of the bar, and he was sure that the shady trench coat figure would be the butt of many jokes, but he wasn't in the business of exposing his identity. Allen spotted him now, an unassuming man hunched over the bar with a dying cigarette between his lips and a glass of untouched brandy in front of him.

The worn, leather bar stool welcomed him, but the man did not.

"I'm good," he said in response to the bartenders nod. Still, a pint of beer sloshed in front of him, and he smiled with false enthusiasm at the grinning, beer-blushed bartender.

He waited, unsure of what to say. Sweat gathered on the glass as the silence followed. The droplets raced each other to the bottom of the cup, streaking their way down and pooling up at the base.

"You look like shit," Allen finally said, glancing at the tangled red hair only loosely held back.

"You look like shit," the man mumbled, although he didn't look in Allen's direction.

Cross still had the social skills of a doorknob.

"Cross,"

"One question," he said. "I'll answer one question."

Allen rolled his eyes, wondering why he thought Cross would act like an adult. He would have to piece together one question from the interview he had prepared in his head, a final farewell to the incarnate of Pandora's box.

_Why'd you leave, bastard? _No, he knew the answer to that one.

_Why am I cleaning up your mess? Why can't you help me out, just this once? _No, he realized, he knew the answer to that one. It was only a few weeks ago, sitting in that hospital bed, that he solved that mystery.

It was only the end Allen remembered Cross for, the bitter last month of time they'd lived together. Realistically, Cross was the only person to help him out, taking him off the streets and shielding him from the Order. Allen didn't know why he did it. He never would.

But memories of the times before, back when he couldn't do much more than sulk, drifted back. Poorly cooked breakfast and entertaining, albeit annoying, conversations. The one time Allen cheated his way out of Cross's poker failure. Traveling, traveling, traveling so far that his feet calloused. One time he complained so much that Cross ended up carrying him. There was a distinct memory of a hot frying pan thrown in Cross's general direction one morning; maybe a wine bottle was equivalent exchange.

A_nd maybe, just maybe, there was a small amount of truth in the idea that getting blind drunk was possible the only way he would've handled hurting me._

In a sense, he was glad there was a question limit; all the selfish and childish rambles were capped off.

"Cross, I want to know about Neah, and why he did," Allen stopped and looked at Cross with determined eyes, "I want to know what happened, thirty-five years ago. I want to know why he betrayed the Noah, or whatever really happened."

_How old are you, anyway? _He bit his tongue before adding the snarky comment.

Cross was surprised, to say the least, looking at Allen as if he'd never met him. And then his aloof nature returned, and he started talking without missing a beat. "Neah was an idealist. He was also a horrible friend, always pulling stupid pranks. I grew up with him, him and his brother. Mana."

"Mana," Allen repeated quietly.

He stared blankly at the sweating glass, wondering if the drink would make Cross's words smoother and the building quieter. Pushing it away, he understood why Cross would opt to drown in it.

"Neah and Mana spent all their time together. No one really liked them in town, because they were asking things in church and school they shouldn't. Always causing trouble. I think I was the only one who liked them besides their mother, to be honest."

Cross continued talking, only half aware that Allen wasn't paying attention to the trivial stories he was telling.

_Probably a smaller town,_ Allen thought. Allen hadn't lived in one, but he had passed through a couple with both Cross and Mana separately. They were never kind to strangers, and much less kind when they saw his arm.

He could imagine it, too; wives and mothers and even other children all talking in hushed tones about the strange Campbell kids.

Allen stopped his train of thought from derailing.

"I remember the day she died, too. The sky was a strange red as you got closer to the house, with fat black clouds all huddled around it. Her corpse was lying in front of a tree when I got there, along with Neah and Mana," Cross trailed off, lost in thought.

Red skies and black corpses was a nostalgic setting, memorable enough to not ask any more details.

"They turned her into an akuma, didn't they?" Allen asked, prompting him to wake up.

Cross eventually replied, in a hoarse voice, "Yeah, yeah they did. And like the coward I was, I ran behind the house and hid. I didn't know what was happening, until I heard the screams and just," he searched for a proper word, "sickening noises. I ran back, saw the bloodied and rotten skeleton of their mother, along with a strange light.

"Nobody knew what the light was until some folks showed up at their house. Order finders, who explained it all and recruited Neah. He declined, saying that he couldn't leave Mana."

"Neah had innocence," Allen repeated slowly, bothered by the similarities of when he called Mana back.

"It's identical to yours, except his skin didn't reject it. Because it belonged to him, I'm assuming," Cross mused.

_Belonged to him originally? Neah's innocence didn't reject him. Neah's innocence was identical to his innocence, Neah's innocence belonged to him originally, Neah's innocence…._

Allen looked back over at Cross with a pale face. Before he could ask the unaskable, Cross continued.

"They couldn't accept what happened to their mother, or what they did. Somewhere along the way, they came across an answer to questions they shouldn't have asked. 'Why is it that an almighty God created innocence? To fight off demons and save souls?' 'Why not save the souls himself?' 'Who came up with the idea that there is no light without dark?' I told them to get a hobby and some fresh air, but only because their ideas frightened me."

Cross never talked like this, much less looked so deflated. Did he pop a ballon and suck out all the air? For a moment, Allen missed the man's usual character, the one that couldn't care less, the one who would never admit to being a coward or even give Allen the time of day. This man was strangely more obnoxious than the man he knew.

"I don't have time for riddles." Allen pursed his lips and rested his head on his hands, shooting Cross an annoyed glare.

"You're still a brat, huh?" He smiled as Cross's face soured.

"Well, anyway, Neah became angry, or obsessed in my damn opinion, when he concluded that God was punishing man. I didn't get whatever he was getting at, and he tried to explain it to me on more than one occasion. 'Didn't care. I'm not into scripture, but he thought innocence was merely the apple offered to Adam. The Noah are spawns of the traits "Noah" himself threw away when he made his covenant with God. To put it simply," Cross's cigarette fell dull and limp, "the idea of being damned maddened Neah. And so he began to collect souls; he had innocence after all, but didn't send them upstairs."

"Just like the Earl," Allen said and then looked up, "but was he born a Noah?"

Cross ignored his comment, taking a sip of his drink. Before Allen could say anything else, he continued, "He sought to surpass God, and picked off the Noah. The end. It was Mana who stopped him. Mana went mad, too, though."

"Who is the Earl, Cross?" Allen asked.

Cross stood up, leaving his empty glass. "I answered your one question."

"Cross! You barely answered anything!" Allen yelled, jumping off the bar stool.

Allen realized how tall he'd gotten. Cross was no longer looming over him, the way he always had.

He shot Allen a strange glance, wearing an unreadable contemplation. It reminded Allen of the time he forgot he left the cabinet open and left a permanent dent in his forehead. Of course he knew there was a cabinet there. And in retrospect, he knew he left it open. But while cursing and rubbing the growing knot on his head, there was a moment where he eyed the stupid door like a stranger.

Before Allen could start a bar fight, Cross pulled him in close, in a warm manner Allen could only match with stiff confusion.

"You've grown up, Allen," Cross said quietly.

It hit him, just like the cabinet door, as to why Cross was looking at him like _that_.

"And you've grown soft," Allen replied, relaxing.

"So I have. Old, too. But know this: I am proud, for as short a time as it was, to be your father," he murmured. Letting go, he grabbed his jacket, and sauntered his way out of the bar, leaving Allen wide-eyed and trembling.

A part of him knew they would never see each other again.

He paid Cross's bill, and then imitated the way the bastard walked out, holding his head high and no longer hiding in his coat.

They parted as equals.

* * *

><p>Allen pulled off his muddy boots before slipping into the dorm, noticing that the TV was on for once, and that Kanda was yelling at his phone.<p>

The bed sighed as he sat down, and he watched the news anchor droll on about the weather.

"Not just here, but flash-flood warnings have been issued across the entire state. Everyone is advised to avoid going out until the storm clears, it seems as if monsoon season is early in India... how will this affect the _crops in_... _more at ten_…"

"Allen."

He hadn't realized he was drifting off until Kanda's voice cut through the darkness, head threatening to crash into his knees.

"Kanda."

He snapped the phone shut and shot him a strange look. "Have you been crying, beansprout?"

"What? No, I," he brought his fingers up to his face and noticed the strange texture. "Oh, I guess I have."

"Asking what's going on is useless, right?"

There was a passive aggressive argument between them, when one showed up late or a little too bloodied and battered. One would gasp, "Oh no! What happened?" in an overly sarcastic display. The other would answer with, "Nothing. Doesn't matter. I'm fine, really…"

Eventually, they didn't bother with fighting over it.

"I think I want pancakes," Allen said.

"Seems to be a recurring theme," Kanda muttered.

Sure, he'd already visited the diner down the street twice this week, but that didn't count as a "recurring theme". Thoughts just felt less sharp-edged when he wasn't in the gloomy room, fighting off sleep with his own dull blade.

"That doesn't sound like a no. Let's go out to eat."

He was sure that he watched Kanda age sometimes, growing more wrinkled and decrepit with each sigh.

_You're going to have crow's feet before you're thirty, Kanda._

_Shut the hell up, you old geezer._

"It definitely wasn't a yes. You're only inviting me to pay for it."

"I want to eat," Allen turned off the TV, "and I want to talk."

"About what? The weather? Maybe that insomnia problem you've got?"

"Maybe I want to talk about that stick shoved up your ass," Allen said while glaring.

"You're about to get a foot up your ass if you don't stop it."

He batted his eyelashes and Kanda sighed at what he knew was coming next. Pointing at himself, Allen asked, "Stop what? I'm not doing a thing."

"I'm going to push you right out the window and let you drown in the street." Allen brightly smiled at Kanda's surly attempt at a frown.

"You're only going to let me drown because you're afraid of going near water, right? Just like the big, bad, scary ocean-"

"Beansprout!" He barely dodged a book aimed for his forehead. "I'm going to stuff your tiny ass in a stupid box and express mail you back to London!"

"How will you get to the post office, hmm? With all that water out there-"

Suddenly there was a banging on the wall of the dorm nearby, followed by profanity. His neighbor sounded mad enough to punch through the thin wall, with good reason.

"Pancakes," Allen whispered sternly. "For every pancake you buy me, I'll answer a question."

"This is the stupidest kind of extortion I've ever heard of." Kanda rolled his eyes, but still let Allen drag him out of the room. "You're delirious from the lack of sleep, aren't you? Didn't the news_ just say_ not to go outside?"

Allen pulled his phone out of his left shoe and smiled. "Lavi said he's up for it, too."

"Why is your phone," Kanda wasn't even sure if his words mattered anymore, "in your shoe?"

"You can't go to a sleazy boozer with valuables in your pockets, BaKanda. People are always looking around for easy cash," Allen said, pulling a wallet out too before shoving his feet in.

Kanda chose to avoid asking why he was at a bar.

"Wait," Kanda said, grabbing his wrist. "Before you drag me out in the middle of a hurricane, here's my term. You have to go to sleep when we get back."

"It's not a hurricane. Besides-"

"No but's, and's, or if's. Or besides. How long has it actually been since you slept?"

Allen started counting on his fingers. "Two days? I think there was a four-hour period in there somewhere, but I'm not knackered at all. Don't worry about it."

"You've got to be kidding me," Kanda said.

"I'm a bloody capable adult completely and totally in control of my life," Allen said with his chin raised. "And I get a reasonable amount of sleep. Totally fit."

"When you don't get enough fucking sleep you go on some British bender," Kanda said. "I can't decide whether its creepy or just goddamn annoying."

"_Bender_? Are you attempting slang or are you taking the piss?"

"You're sleeping on the street, or a storm gutter for all I care at this point," Kanda yelled, although Allen started laughing at his empty threat.

And then Allen quickly led Kanda down the hall when he heard the neighbor's door slam open.

* * *

><p>"Allen?"<p>

That must have been the fourth time he'd heard his name called in the past twenty-four hours. First by Lenalee, just before he fell asleep in class, second also by Lenalee, five minutes later….

"You should have just let him pass out," Kanda muttered, glaring out the window.

"Hey, buddy," Lavi said, waving a hand in front of Allen's face, "You were about to take a header into your pancakes, and I'm not a big old grouch like Yuu."

"Don't call me that, or else you're going to take a trip into your waffles, too. Besides, you said he couldn't put it on the internet if you got a fork stuck in your eye, so he might as well wake you up," Kanda said.

_Where am I?_ No, he recognized that face; Kanda, glaring at him. Friend with benefits? He wasn't sure, but they did sleep in the same bed and didn't act like friends on occasions. Kanda would probably never get back to him on that.

Lavi, smiling, hair disheveled and not pulled back with his usual headband. Allen was rather surprised he wasn't in his pajamas. He had a cup of coffee and a torn apart plate.

Allen looked down at his own plate and realized he'd only half-finished his food, and upon closer inspection, realized that if he didn't swallow soon he was going to choke.

The venue? Ah, he knew this place. It was the little diner, not too far off campus, with the waitress who always worked the witching hours and didn't mind making him pancakes. It was tiny, but still tidy, and almost every booth was next to the windows, even if the view was only drowning streets. She had a cat, and was so afraid of leaving her at home while she worked, _but it couldn't be helped because…_

Cold water always helped with his drowsiness. "I'm going to use the restroom right quick."

"Don't bring the accent back with you!" Lavi yelled as Allen walked away.

"Yuu," Lavi started as Allen was out of earshot, "I'm worried about him. and I think-"

"This is your final warning, asshole. Don't call me that," Kanda said. "And Allen says it is none of my business, so apparently-"

"Can we stop with the petty bullshit, Kanda? There is something wrong, very wrong. He didn't even look like he knew us for a second there. I mean, maybe its some coping thing. We don't know what happened back there, and I sure as hell am not asking," Lavi said in disappointment.

"_Petty bullshit? _He's just a sleep deprived idiot," Kanda muttered back.

"It doesn't look like insomnia. He could sleep at the drop of a hat, but it looks like he's practically forcing himself to stay up," Lavi replied.

"Do you expect me to sneak up behind him and knock him out?"

Lavi grinned. "Nope, look." He pulled out a box from the inside pocket of his jacket. Kanda warily took it from him and immediately recognized the label, sending Lavi a strange look.

"You didn't come here to eat," Kanda muttered.

"I'm always up for a free meal, Y-" he caught himself before the slip of the tongue, "Kanda. Would you like to be my accomplice?"

Kanda didn't reply and broke open the box with ease, popping out two dark tablets. He recognized them from the handful of times his mother handed them to him, along with a glass of water, with a stern but caring palm after a nightmare.

"This feels wrong," Kanda mumbled, but before he could decide against it, Lavi graciously collected them like a game of Mancala and deposited them in Allen's hot coffee.

They fizzled at first, but by the time Allen came back, the medicine was unrecognizable. Lavi grinned a little too wide as Allen smiled wearily back and sipped on the drink. Kanda glared at the evil he failed to recognize in Lavi's eyes before.

* * *

><p>"I am not tired! And I can walk by myself!" Allen shouted as they all stood in the rain outside the diner.<p>

"This is the last time I'm offering, beansprout, before I just drag your unconscious body through the streets," Kanda yelled as Lavi caught him before he fell off the curb.

Allen contemplated it for a whole minute before his face fell and answered, "Fine."

Lavi was sure the next fissure of thunder was actually the sound of Allen's pride cracking.

"Hurry up, it's freezing out here," Kanda said, bending over so that Allen could hop on his back.

Allen replied with some incoherent complaint, but still hopped on, letting his arms fall loosely over Kanda's shoulders. Kanda hooked his arms underneath Allen's legs and braced himself to carry a heavier than expected idiot home.

"I hate you guys, and I know you did something, and-" Allen yawned mid-sentence and nearly fell backwards.

"Hold on tighter if you don't want to hit the pavement, idiot," Kanda gripped his hips tighter just in case, "and if you don't stop eating pancakes every night, you're going to weigh four-hundred pounds."

Letting his head fall into the crook of Kanda's neck, Allen protested gaining any weight but his muffled argument was lost in the folds of Kanda's jacket.

And when they finally made it back to the door, soaking wet right down to the soles of their shoes, Kanda froze in horror when he heard a soft, almost inaudible, noise behind him. It was harmless in nature, but he knew the evil around the corner. It was a premonition, a foreboding.

It was a sneeze.

* * *

><p><strong>It's been so long, sorry! And so little to show for it, sheesh. I've been on vacation (I was up in Canada for a week &amp; went bungee jumping), and I'm leaving for the beach tomorrow, so I thought I'd put together a tiny cute chapter for you guys!<strong>

**also, if you want to fight me on OOC for Cross, well, I looked to those last chapters (being vague if you haven't gotten around to reading it. this story would make a lot more sense if you have, though...) for reference on his developed characterization. I put a lot of thought in it, and I think it's in character. *shrugs***

** Next chapter: Allen is sick? Long overdue fight scenes! The dramatic storyline continues to unfold!**


	26. Studies Find Fevers Can Cause HeartBreak

Kanda was impressed.

Not only did Allen avoid arguing, he went straight to the bed and collapsed in a huff.

"Don't you want to change?" Kanda asked, noticing the soaked clothes.

Allen shook his head and buried himself beneath the covers, leaving Kanda with the decision of dragging him out or just letting Allen be. He chose that latter, grabbed a change of clothes for himself and locked the bathroom behind him.

After a generous ten minutes, the water whined to a halt and he sauntered out of the steam, wringing his hair out like wet laundry. He was halfway to the kitchen before he stopped, waiting to hear anything. The dorm was dead silent, a sweet emptiness he hadn't met in a long time.

Kanda took cautious steps over to the bed, and sure enough, Allen had an arm draped over his forehead and his mouth was slightly ajar. He wasn't snoring, only showing signs of life through the soft rise and fall of his chest.

"I win this round, beansprout." Kanda smirked, although it was more of an assist rather than a goal.

Allen's jacket was staining the sheets a few shades darker as it soaked through, but Kanda wasn't risking this cease-fire on wet clothes.

He flipped the lamp on and checked for a reaction, but the dull glow barely cast shadows on Allen's cheeks.

"Where the hell is it?" He muttered, sifting through the papers once organized on his desk.

The lucky file, an urgent report Marie delivered himself, had gone unread for at least a day now. There was no reason to read it; he knew what it would be. Facts, numbers, reports on the success and ultimate instability of the resistance.

_We need you to be a leader, Kanda. This is going to fall apart if someone doesn't unite these people, and you're the best man for the job. Addressing the topic of spies is the first order of business. Kanda, are you even listening?_

He pushed the file away in disgust and let his face fall into his hands. He never wanted to be a goddamn leader; he didn't want any of this. Personal acts of malice were never supposed to turn into a righteous cause.

A soft, muffled tone, a wind chime in a cool breeze, was hiding within the sheets. Allen slowly came to, much to Kanda's dismay, and complained while sifting through his clothes.

"Yeah?" He slurred, still curled up in the blanket.

_Shit. I forgot to take his phone._

Kanda knew this routine. Allen spent some nights laying upside down on the couch and mumbling into his phone, low enough that Kanda couldn't distinguish words but loud enough to be obnoxious.

"Give it," Kanda commanded while waving a loose palm.

Allen put a hand over the speaker and muttered, "Give me ten minutes."

"No." Allen opened his mouth to argue but ended up involuntarily rearing his head back. He sneezed.

"That is fucking disgusting," Kanda hissed, no longer wanting the diseased phone.

Allen took a moment to process what happened, realized he sneezed on his phone, and hid his own distaste behind a grin. "Ten minutes, and you can have this. If you still want it."

Kanda grabbed the file from his desk and stalked off.

* * *

><p>"Hmm? What's going on, Allen?"<p>

"Nothing," Allen replied, finding it easier to breathe with Kanda across the room.

"What's two-in-the-morning urgent?"

"Turns out Sheryl's wife was assassinated," Wisely said, and then added, "We only found out an hour ago, but it seems like he knew from the start."

He blinked and sat up, cracking something in the process. "Who would want to assassinate her?"

Allen vaguely remembered a discussion about Sheryl's work, as in, he was an influential minister in a country whose name slipped from Allen's mind. _Asking about it seemed rude,_ Allen thought_, I should really remember these things._

The way his memories were slipping away was growing more and more worrying.

"Anyone trying to start a war. Under normal circumstances, this would be great," Wisely muttered back.

"Great? How could this be great in any situation?" Allen asked angrily.

"An excuse to start war without careful planning on our part is a relief, maybe even a blessing. But without the proper plans to drag this out for as long as possible, nor the Earl's support, this is going to be a wasted opportunity," Wisely muttered.

"A wasted opportunity?" Allen was yelling now, too angry to care about Kanda's stunned expression. "All of those people dying is a 'wasted opportunity' to you?"

"Are you forgetting what we are, Allen? Killing worthless human scum is the Noah's job! Or has Neah already turned your brain to mush?" Wisely yelled back.

The phone was about to break within Allen's iron grip. "Fuck you."

"_Hey!" _There was fighting on the other side of the phone, until Tyki's voice picked up.

"Cool off, both of you," Tyki said as calmly as possible. He heard Wisely shout a curse and then loud, fading stomps.

"Allen," Tyki started.

_Everyone expects Neah to corrupt my body soon. I wonder if they even expected me to pick up the phone…_

"It's fine," Allen hissed.

Tyki sighed. "Whether you care or not, Wisely still has an attachment to his adopted father. It's hard on all of us, but Wisely and Road are losing their father, even if it is a superfluous and fake family. A fake mother can still love sincerely."

"Yeah," Allen said quietly. "Yeah, sorry."

Beings who could care so deeply for others and detest the rest were terrifying. They almost seemed human.

"At any rate, they've identified the killer's home country, or at least they assume. I wouldn't be surprised if this was an internal operation. They've wanted Sheryl's head on a platter for months now; he's gotten too unstable and unpredictable. Covering up murders for him, smoothing over relations he's threatened; everyone in the direct vicinity of his knows about the 'strange powers' he possesses."

"There's a good chance someone's trying to kill him, too. You can get mad at me for repeating this, but Wisely is correct: this is a wasted opportunity."

The corners of his mouth twitched. _Wasted opportunity._

"So where do I come in," Allen said quietly.

_The Noah are still adamant about picking off humans, and yet they're still cooperating with me. _

_Why?_

_Am I missing something?_

"We have to smuggle him out of the country, preferably without his Noah abilities. Road thinks he'll lose control soon, if not already, and then he'll be unstoppable. Also, he took Road with him for faster travel, but it's been a week."

"Has she not come back already?"

"Somethings preventing her return, that's for sure. So-"

"So?" Allen repeated, after a few moments of dead air.

"Sheryl's calling. I'll call you back." Allen heard the click and stared at the dark screen, lost in thought.

_What am I missing? What am I missing… what am I…._

Kanda snatched the phone from his hand and asked, "You're working with the Noah?"

Allen raised an eyebrow and chewed on the truth._ Let's play ball, Kanda._

"I think I've found a solution," Allen laughed at the fragile statement mid-sentence, "I might be able to fix this war, end it for good."

Your serve, Kanda.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

15: Love.

"If we get rid of the Noah, the akuma will disappear. Well, the Earl. Innocence has no place in this age, does it? What if," Allen smiled brightly, "What if the stalemate ended?"

30: Love.

"You've fucking lost it if you want to destroy innocence. In fact, you might as well be one of them," Kanda spat.

Error; 15:15.

"Innocence isn't worth it if it's hurting people! The sole purpose of innocence is to purge demons and save souls! Besides, what do you do with your innocence? Kill people who get in your way?"

30-15.

Kanda took a fistful of Allen's shirt and brought him up to eye level. Words poisonous and silky as an oil slick on waves, he said, "Who am I talking to, exactly? Allen, or the shitty Noah inside of your skin?"

30-30.

The color drained from Allen's face, absorbed by a flash of lightning, thoughts drowning in the waves of rain. _Missing something, missing something, Allen, you're losing it. Everything is slipping away, right before your eyes… _

"Yeah, I fucking figured it out; you can quit treating me like I'm an oblivious idiot. So who is in control now?"

30-45.

"Answer me!"

Game, set, match.

_You knew it was going to end like this, Allen. Why'd you bother coming back here? Liars, liars, liars._

_Every last one of them._

"Stop it!"

_Who?_

"It must be Allen, then. I doubt your Noah is this damn pathetic!" Kanda spat.

There was a storm beneath Allen's skin, stronger than the one outside, tornadoes swirling in his ribcage, water flooding down his throat, electricity using his bones for wires.

_You don't belong here anymore, Allen. But I guess you never did, did you?_

_Why'd you bother coming back?_

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" Allen yelled and freed himself from Kanda's crushing grip.

"Stop what? Putting up with this circus act?"

The tears sunk into his skin when he raked his fingers across his face. "What the fuck am I supposed to do, Kanda? I have nothing left! I'm going to turn into a Noah, or I'm going to die! That's it! What is so wrong," He tried to catch his breath.

"What is so wrong with trying to fix things? Not everyone can just say fuck it and go kill everything in their goddamn path!"

"Why are you asking me what to do? Isn't it obvious?"

_"Go ahead and fucking die."_

It ended there, Kanda's glowing with a cold evil, a deafening boom of thunder whisking Allen far, far away from the hardwood floor and into a disturbed sleep.

* * *

><p>It was dark outside, and he felt groggy and disarmed. Something woke him up, and he tuned back into reality, more to shake the nightmare from his head.<p>

The screeching phone begged for attention, and the incessant trilling finally forced him up after four cycles.

Allen stirred for a moment, or rather, the tiny huddle on the floor half hiding beneath the frame of the bed and half exposed. Kanda refused to feel bad; Allen had it coming, and he should've gotten a good smack in before the argument ended. Moaning out to Mana in his sleep, however, weakened the resolve to kick his ass.

The phone's screen blinded him for a moment, too bright for the blackness of the room, fighting with the moonlight for dominance. He squinted to see the Caller ID. Lavi. _Of course it was Lavi._

"The hell do you want?"

"Sheeeeesh, Yuu, why are you being so mean? I just wanted to ask where you were today," Lavi replied in a heartbroken tone.

Kanda paused, wiped all the sleep from his eyes, and looked outside from the window spanning the wall behind the bed. It was still dark, so dark that he assumed that he'd only been asleep for a handful of hours. "I just saw you a couple of hours ago. Is this some joke, because I'm not in the mood for this bull-"

"Oh really? You know," Lavi had that mischievous tone that he despised, "Allen was missing too. Were you two too busy to-"

"Oh fuck you," Kanda said, and then glanced over at Allen's anxious, half-asleep frown, "He can go to hell for all I care."

"Did you guys fight or something?"

He hung up. It wasn't a fight if the other side wouldn't even try.

The clock seemed oddly suspicious, but he couldn't put his finger on why. _Why did the time, only nine thirty at night, seem so strange?_

His eyes widened. He fell asleep at one thirty, maybe two in the morning, and now it was nine thirty at night.

He'd slept the entire day away.

Cursing, he fell to his back and looked over at Allen, trying to melt into the floor, and was sure that he didn't want to wake him. The second he woke up, the second his sleep-fasting started back up again, and the moment where he played the hurt victim. One way or another, he was sure this was all Allen's fault, not his.

Instead, he watched Allen sleep with a misplaced fascination, immediately noticing something was wrong.

"Oi."

He looked half dead, face scraped clean with nails to dig out the leftover emotion. Sweat plastered his hair to his skin, clothes still damp and leaking on the floor. Cheeks scarlet and labored breathing, it seemed like he wasn't getting enough air beneath the blanket stretched over him.

"Hey! Go die outside, not on my floor," Kanda yelled, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and kicked him in the back.

Allen awoke in a daze, wiping the sleep away and trying to piece together where he was. Kanda watched the processor hum behind the dull eyes. _Kanda's room. No, Kanda's floor. In pain, in pain, in pain. Play it off, sit up. Look at Kanda. Figure out how to form a sentence. _

The floor was ice, stinging the balls of his feet when he strode into the kitchen. "You slept for a whole damn day. Get up already."

"Really?" He finally forced out, voice low and scratchy.

_Remember last night. Play it off, play it off…_ It was sickening, and a response seemed like a waste.

Kanda sauntered over to the kitchen, pulling the fridge open lazily, and then shutting it. He opted for some water, gurgled, and then spat it out. "You look like shit." He added a comment about how gross Allen was in general.

Allen brought his hands up to his face and frowned, but when he stood up it looked as if he cracked every bone in his body.

"You're gross," Allen muttered, nominee for Comeback of the Year. His voice was still sandpaper, burning and dragging with each syllable.

Kanda heard the sink turn on with a hiss.

"You really need a whole shower," Kanda called out while brushing his teeth in the kitchen sink.

He went about his normal routine, even if it was much too late to get anything done, listening to the water in the sink run on, just like the storm outside. Walking over, he commented, "Idiot, don't take a shower in the sink, there's a perfectly good-"

The floor squeaked in response to someone's poor footing, followed by a thwack on the tile, and Kanda picked up the pace. Sure enough, Allen was holding his head while sprawled out on the floor.

"I got a little light-headed," Allen said, more to himself than Kanda.

"There's water everywhere, so be careful when you stand up," Kanda muttered, biting his tongue instead of accusing Allen.

Kanda reached for the knob to turn off the sink and heard the water whimper to a halt. Another squeak from the floor, this one followed by a sound reminiscent of tires stuck in the mud. The wall shook from the impact of a clumsy body.

Allen was a broken porcelain doll, with eyes like empty mirrors. He was out cold.

"What the hell, Allen?" Kanda muttered, crouching over him.

Unsure of what to do, he pulled Allen from the tile, at least to keep his head from soaking in the overflow of water, and shook him. After a few seconds of unresponsive shaking, Kanda reared back his hand and backhanded him.

Allen reanimated, eye's flickering like a slot machine between gold and silver, eventually settling at the silver.

"Ow! What's your problem?!"

He wasn't sure how long he sat like that, looking over the other in complete stupor, but Allen scrambled past him and to the toilet. There was nothing that churned up his stomach like the sound of someone retching, much worse when there was nothing to come up.

He wanted to ask what was wrong, but the gold in his eyes still haunted him. Allen was not Allen, not for that split second. But the one throwing up was Allen, he was sure, and he didn't need to ask what was wrong with this Allen when he remembered the horrible premonition from yesterday. The sneeze, the fever, the chills, the lightheadedness, the retching, the…

Fuck.

"You're sick," Kanda said, dumbfounded._ Fuck._

Allen shot a glare his way, but heaved again before answering, "I haven't noticed, really, do I look a bit flushed or something?"

"Watch your tone, Walker, or else you're going out in the hall with a trashcan."

"Gladly."

Kanda left him for a moment, and dialed the only person he knew to help.

"Lenalee?"

"Kanda, what's wrong? Where were you today, anyway?"

"Allen is throwing up. How do I fix that?" Kanda asked cautiously, ignoring her tone.

He didn't know what people did to fix this. He didn't _get_ sick.

"You wait it out. Get him some water, rub his back, and say stuff to make him feel better," Lenalee said.

"This is such a Goddamn pain."

There was no way in hell he was getting near Allen.

He balanced the phone between his ear and shoulder, and grabbed a glass before nudging open the bathroom door with his foot. It took Allen a few moments to register Kanda in the doorway, but eventually he took the glass with a sour expression.

Allen muttered a hollow thanks as he started downing the water.

"Oh, and small sips, or else he's just going to unsettle his stomach," Lenalee added.

Kanda took the cup from Allen a little too late and left the smashed glass, along with the disgusting noises, behind the slammed bathroom door.

"Is he sick? What happened?"

"Sleeping in wet clothes probably did it," Kanda muttered. Sleeping on the floor didn't help, either, nor did an emotional meltdown.

"He slept in wet clothes, You let him sleep in wet clothes," Lenalee said, dumbfounded.

"I'm not his mother," Kanda snapped.

There was a long pause. "Did something happen?"

He hung up.

* * *

><p>There was a good thirty minute gap before he forced himself back in the bathroom.<p>

"I want to die," Allen informed him, throat raw and eyes red.

"Yeah, me too," Kanda muttered.

"This must be so hard on you."

"Get up already. Change out of those wet clothes."

Refusing to help Allen, he stalked off to his closet and sifted through the neat piles. A few bangs and wobbly steps later, Allen met the other's glare with his arms crossed. This was stupid, he knew it, but that didn't mean he was going to be the one to break.

Then he shot Allen another glance, judging his height, and realizing that nothing was going to fit those slim hips.

"Why are you so tiny?"

He did a double take when Allen battled the wet shirt. The black tattoo, once contained to his arm, blossomed across his chest and back in an ornate pattern. Dark ink sketched into the small of Allen's back was frighteningly obvious compared to the moonlight skin.

"Jesus Christ," Kanda said, jerking his arm for a better look. "What the hell happened here?"

Allen tore his arm back. "What does it matter to you?"

He didn't press the matter, but took another long look at the design. Even behind chattering teeth and crossed arms, he could see the fear written all over Allen's face.

"Stop staring." _Allen doesn't know what is going on, does he? _"And don't touch me."

"It's not supposed to fucking do that."

Kanda pulled out what he assumed was a small shirt, but once Allen hid in the dark cotton, it hung from one shoulder. _Good enough_, he thought while slamming the drawer.

When Allen eyed him strangely as he handed him some boxers, he muttered, "It's only weird if you make it weird. I'm going to go clean up the mess you made in the bathroom. Try on those sweatpants, too. Maybe if you tie them tight enough they won't fall."

Allen repeated under his breath, "It's only weird if you make it weird, huh?"

The towels he draped on the bathroom turned black once they hit the ground and squished beneath his feet, so he threw the wet mess into the shower and tried again. Better, but not by much; at least no one would slip and knock themselves out. Again. The gold flashed in his head again, the coin flip between Allen coming back or Neah taking his body.

In five minutes, Allen was back in the bathroom curing out every deity and God he could come up with.

A chirping ringtone, one he didn't recognize, invaded the silence. The source was a wet pile of Allen's clothes. The number wasn't saved, but he picked up anyway and waited.

"Allen? Are you busy? It's important." He knew that voice.

"Why the hell are you calling this phone number?" Kanda hissed.

"Who is this?" The other asked.

"Why are you calling Allen?" Kanda asked again, but the caller hung up.

He swung by the bathroom with the phone and asked, "Why is that bastard Tyki calling your phone?"

Allen looked up in confusion and held out a hand for the phone, still bent over the toilet.

"What did he say," Allen asked, hands too shaky to dial.

"Why was he calling?"

"What did he say, damn it!" Allen yelled.

He half considered walking out of the bathroom and leaving Allen for dead. Then the responsible half responded, "He said he needed to tell you something important."

"Something important," Allen repeated, and then tried his luck at the phone again. It slipped through his fingers and he cursed again, and again, and again.

"Allen, should I just," he stopped. _Take you to a hospital? _

"Get out."

* * *

><p>Allen wasn't sure how long he lay down on the floor, since time was only measured in moments of sickness and lapses between the bouts.<p>

There was a soft knock on the door, and Allen tried to remember where he was. The ground felt wet and mossy; maybe he was in a rainforest. Or maybe it was just a wet towel beneath his ear.

Where ever it was, he was definitely behind a door, but that was all he could piece together.

The door creaked open, and a fuzzy, tall figure rocked with the motion of the room. His face lit up; he knew who it was.

There was a disconnect between his head and his throat, and it took a minute to force out a word.

"K-Kanda?" He wasn't sure if he mouthed it or if sound came out.

"Not Kanda," the other said, crouching over and hooking their arms under Allen's, if only to pull him up to a slouched sitting position. When the other left go carefully, holding his hands out as if he'd just set an art piece on the wall, Allen fell back anyway.

Now facing up, the ceiling was spinning and swirling like a spoon in hot chocolate, walls thick and creamy.

"Not Kanda," Allen repeated, hoping that the ceiling wouldn't drip on him.

Not Kanda helped him sit up again and touched his jaw, moving his head slowly left to right. "Not Kanda thinks you look terrible. When did you last drink something?"

"I don't know," Allen said slowly, his stomach churning again. "It just keeps coming back up."

Everything was still spinning, and the bathroom light was burning his skin, threatening to set his body aflame. _Am I hallucinating?_ Everything felt so real and sharp-edged, vision cutting with every object he settled on. _Focus, focus, focus…._

Dusty hair, golden eyes, and hiding in a large, muddy trenchcoat. His face fell when he realized it was just Neah, _just Neah_. The sticky tears sunk into his skin when he smoothed his fingers across his face.

Even Neah was stunned at the spread of innocence, visible due to Allen not wanting to soil Kanda's shirt. Not prodding the matter, the trenchcoat figure took a seat.

_Did Neah die in those clothes? A strange thought_, he decided.

"You don't have to act strong when you're sick. It's pretty pitiful, either way," Neah said.

"You don't have to act like you like me, just because you want to take my body," Allen mumbled back.

Neah pinched Allen's skin and watched it fall in slow motion. Then he felt Allen's forehead and winced at the heat. "You're really dehydrated, and you're burning up. Will you let me call Wisely to get you some help?"

"It will pass," Allen coughed out. "Better by morning, remember? You said that. I think."

"How about the Lenalee girl? She seemed to know what to do," Neah said with a hopeful smile.

Allen didn't reject the comforting hand brushing through his hair, the smooth movements negating the rocking in his stomach for a few silent moments.

"I can handle it," Allen murmured, carefully laying down on the tile.

Neah noticed how easy it would be to jump in his body, the broken marionette doll with all its strings cut.

He hesitated, still skimming through Allen's hair. There was a part of him who didn't want to wear Allen's skin. Cross tried to pull him out, to save him from this fate, but it failed.

_Promised me I would get my very-own, shiny, new body, that bastard._

_Accept what you're given, then_. Mana would do that.

Accepting what he was given wasn't good enough; he wanted more, craved his own body, craved what Cross offered. There had to be a way to escape this prison, and there had to be a way to finish what he started.

But while Allen's actions still followed his own agenda, he would sit and watch.

_Walker, you sure are a strange one. Giving up on innocence?_

"Not yet," he decided. _Not yet._

* * *

><p>Abrupt and unwarranted, Allen was pushed a sleepy plateau and emptied out on Kanda's couch, morning light stretching over the sky like on a Red-Eye plane.<p>

The pleasant couch and blanket almost negated the lava boiling in his stomach. He was napping in someone's lap, with their arm still loosely around his waist, echoes of vibrations on his back still lingered from where they attempted to rub out the sickness.

_Kanda could be nice_, he thought with mock cheer. Regardless of whether he was nice or not, it must've taken him a lot to swallow his pride._ A hollow__ apology. But I'll still take it._

Knowing Kanda's hatred for good morning kisses, Allen closed his eyes and brushed the others cheek with his fingertips, finally connecting their lips. His lips were plush and airy, face soft unlike the hard coral shelves of-

Allen opened his eyes and shrieked. He actually shrieked. He didn't even know shrieking was _real_, but that noise escaped his lips and he recoiled. Hands lingered too long on the other's thighs during his escape, and he cursed himself out again, falling to the floor in a daze.

Lavi brought a stray hand up to his lips and brushed them before shooting Allen a strange look.

"I thought you were Kanda!" Allen stammered. "_Why are you here, Lavi_?"

He was grinning now, trying to hold in his laughter at the pitiful sight that was Allen. "Good morning to you, too. Lenalee was worried about a call Kanda gave her, and apparently you wouldn't pick up the phone, so she sent me as a sentry. Door was unlocked; I guess Kanda forgot on his way out."

"I'm sorry," Allen said, and then repeated it three more times.

"Don't sweat it, Allen. I'm just glad you are feelin' better."

There was a long silence. Lavi yawned and stretched. He finally shot Allen a mischievous glance, one he so_ hated_, and informed him, "It's kind of adorable, the way you kiss; you act like someone is going to bite you."

"I do not!" Allen protested.

"Although, if you're with Kanda- Wait, why are you kissing that jackass if you're in a fight?"

"He hates it, so I thought it would be," Allen trailed off, not even sure why.

He blinked. _Why, exactly?_

"I can understand. It's terrifying, not bad, but scary. Like one of those dreams you're drowning," He got up and went into the kitchen, last half of his sentence murmured, "Kanda _would_ get pissed. I'll have to try it on Lena, but she might actually bite me."

"_What was that?"_

Lavi stopped, and then looked over his shoulder. "Did I say that out loud?"

Allen nodded.

"How about we both decide this morning never happened?" Lavi said nervously, with a, _she's going to kill me,_ look in his eyes.

Allen agreed, however, the second the door burst open and Kanda shrugged off his jacket, Lavi moaned, "Kandaaa, Allen kissed me!"

Kanda shot Allen a strange look before ignoring them both. "I hope he gets you sick."

Offended, Allen yelled, "I think Lavi's been sleeping with Lenalee!"

This time Kanda did stop, and glared at Lavi. "Leave her alone, dumbass."

"Why is it not okay for me to kiss my girlfriend, but okay if I kiss him? Shouldn't it be the other way around?" Lavi asked, not hurt, but curious.

"He can do whatever the hell he wants. I don't care anymore," Kanda muttered, kicking off his boots and falling in bed. There was blood on them, along with the jacket hung up by the door.

"What happened between you two?"

"I have somewhere to be," Allen muttered, searching for his phone.

"Wait, Allen, you probably need to drink some more fluids before-"

"Hey, Allen!" Kanda yelled, looking over his shoulder with dead eyes.

"Don't bother coming back."

_You knew this would happen, idiot. Why did you-_

"I won't."

* * *

><p>Papers? <em>Check<em>.

A couple of changes of clothes? _Check._

A couple of thousands packed in the lining? _Check._

The dusty suitcase under his bed was still intact, untouched and in mint condition. The misplaced memory of escape blew away with the dust, and he tried to forget how simple things used to be. IT still burned, the idea of leaving; but he wasn't wanted, like last time.

_You're walking towards your death, Allen. Maybe you can apologize and keep up the domestic charade. I have to admit, even if its a fake peace, it's still-_

He strayed away from the mirror as he changed; the marking was spreading, quicker than ever. It disgusted him, like some parasite he couldn't shake off. Once changed, he checked the reflection and smoothed down the dress shirt before throwing a coat over. _Sickly, maybe, but better than worse._

The Noah sprightly picked up the phone this morning, chipper about Skinn's body waking up.

_He's a little slow, but the same old guy. In a week, he might be back to his old annoying self! _Jasdero cheered, unlike him. Sheryl and Road's absence soured his tone.

Allen locked the door behind him and sauntered over to the bus stop, in a better mood when sunshine peeked from the black clouds.

_Was there something you wanted to ask, Allen? Tyki's question was loaded._

The bus driver chatted about the favorable weather, too. And about his son's birthday. "Just a little older than you, eh?"

_Ah, one thing, Tyki. I hate to impose, but it's just-_

Allen smiled and nodded, adding that his stop was next. "Fancy neighborhood, that one."

_Not imposing in the slightest. Road sure will be excited._

"I have," he stopped.

_What word was he supposed to use?_

"I have family, that live there. I'm visiting," he said slowly. "I think I'll be staying for a while."

He calculated the quickest route possible, ended up with a two week window_. Will I be dead, in just two weeks?_

"Nothin' more important than family, that's what I think. Good to get back to your roots," The bus driver said thoughtfully.

_This needs to happen as fast as possible, Tyki. _

_He cleared his throat and answered carefully._ _I see. After we secure Sheryl, we can work on the inactivated Noah. But Allen, any word on the Heart?_

_Maybe. I'll ask for your opinion when I get there._

"Well, this is it. Hope everything goes well with your family!" Allen tipped him generously and then hopped off in front of the large gates.

"Me too," he murmured into the smoke of the exhaust pipe.

* * *

><p><strong>It has been a while, I know. I [sort of] put off all of my AP art homework for the entire summer, as in I didn't do it, so my writing hours have been shortened. <strong>

**In the spirit of Laven week, I added in that kiss. I debated taking it out, eventually decided to hell with it, and left it.**

**Also, I'm so thrilled that so many people are giving me happy feedback! I don't have words to express how uplifting it is, but you guys are really awesome, as in everyone who bothers to read this. Thank you! Until next time!**

_**(I really need to change the description, don't I?)**_


	27. Cereal Gets Soggy in About Five Minutes

It was sunny; she remembered that much. Sunny, sunny, morning, light filtering in through the kitchen window. Pancakes, warm, fluffy, captured the honey sunlight in flaky layers and scooped steam right up from back deck. Syrup made rivers on the buttered surface, dripping in waterfalls off the side.

She took a bite, sopping up syrup, and tried to smile. Her brother, sitting across from her tried his best at a warm expression, hoping the sunlight could line his lips and do the rest of the work.

The chair was too tall; her legs swung back and forth, back and forth, back and forth…

"Just like mom used to make," she squeaked out.

Tears dripped into the syrup and butter and washed down the plateau of pancakes. She cried, with her mouth still full of pancake, unable to swallow through the caked dough on her teeth and stopped up wails.

"Lenalee-" She let the fork hit the floor and ran out the back, screen door slapping the glass panel. The grass was thick and in need of a mowing, but she plopped down anyway and wiped the tears away with sticky, grubby hands. The cicadas paid no mind to her tiny frame, sundress now stained with dirt and grass, _oh how much Komui hated getting those stains ou_t. He accidentally turned all his clothes pink once, when trying to get into the swing of things.

The swings. They had a swing set, once beautiful with tiny flowers lining the frame, now stained and rusty.

_Our little girl is going to be a gymnast! _She had blushed when her father said that, and then had showed off on the bar connected to the set. Her knees went up and her hair went down, her mother fretting over her breaking her neck.

Dad imitated a lion's roar, wrapping his arms around her waist and pretending to be a monster as he carried her around upside down. Squealing and laughing, he put her down, but the peace only lasted a few moments. They played Godzilla, her favorite movie now after staying up until eleven to watch, _oh please oh please Mom_! She made gun noises and climbed the swing set and ran in circles around the roaring Godzilla.

Eventually he went down, stumbling until pulling her down with him, tickling the fighter plane until the engines burst from laughter.

The grass was trimmed back then, but weeds still sprouted because she defended them when her dad came to pull them out. _Dandelions are flowers, too! You can't do that!_

But now the swingset was going to collapse, she felt it as it complained when she sat down on the plastic seat. She kicked off and swung back and forth, back and forth, swinging, feet not touching the dirt….

The chain snapped when she kicked off again, dropping her on her bottom in the dirty bald spot beneath the swing.

The cicadas buzzed louder, birds now joining in, sunlight bringing out the worst noises beyond the rotting wooden fence, white paint peeling. It was a thin wall between the neighbor's yard, more for looks than privacy.

Everyone in the neighborhood knew what happened here.

"Lenalee!" Her brother came running out and helped her up, dusting her dress off.

"You cut your leg," he said worriedly. It was tiny, but red, tiny droplets formed on the scrape.

"Come inside so I can clean this up, okay?"

"The swing," she blubbered, "the swing-"

"I can fix it for you, don't worry," he said while she clung to her pants.

"If Mom loved swinging so much, why didn't she come out here and play with me!" Her brother paled.

Her face was convulsing as the wails grew louder. "Why did she have to go!?"

Okay, okay, it's okay, Lenalee," Komui stuttered, swinging his arm under her knees and picking her up. She screamed and pushed him away, running back inside. Leaving the kitchen seemed like a suicide mission, because she would have to walk past _that _room, the room she accidentally entered to apologize to Mom for borrowing the pearl earrings to play dress up, _that _room….

She walked back over to the pancakes and got on her toes to put them in the microwave, listening to the dull hum mimic the cicadas outside. Three, two, one….

The table seemed higher now, but she jumped up on the chair and picked up her fork and shoveled the food in, salt from her tears as extra flavoring. _Just like mom used to make! Feet swinging, back and forth, swinging, swinging…._

She woke up in a sweat, lost in another dull memory, tuning the static air for the right frequency. Now she could hear, the room was loud, sharp, painful; her phone was begging for attention.

The dreams hadn't stopped since that day in Allen's head, but she was used to them by now. Not because they were less painful, but because she no longer had the time to feel sorry for herself._  
><em>

The phone. Lavi. Swiping right, she listened to his intro of the morning events, waiting for news on Allen.

"He did WHAT?"

Lenalee was on the verge of scalping herself in an attempt to smooth down her hair, tangled from struggling in her sleep. It was impractically long, she knew that, but her brother loved the locks to death. She resembled her mother with the long hair, although much taller with a slimmer nose.

A plain sweater would do; it was always a little chilly, even for the month of May. Now, which shoes matched?

The black ones were once her mother's favorite shoes, one's Lenalee clopped around in, treading on a shimmery oversized dress, when she attempted a model walk down the old house's hall.

And when she'd gotten older, old enough to describe misery and put a name with a face, those boots were what helped her stand in wake of that demon, a demon who no longer bore the face of her father but had the same voice, trying to find the cursed little girl and her brother in the shoe closet.

They didn't glow anymore, innocence no longer embedded in the fabric. She had to beg the science department to get them back.

She hopped into the boots and cradled the phone in the crook of her neck, listening to Lavi's flustered responses. "Kanda is such an ass. There's something wrong," She stopped.

_Daddy, somethings wrong with mommy!_

_She shrieked again. Daddy!_

_Komui rushed into the room, not Daddy. Brother. He gripped the door frame to stop him from sliding down hall into the bare bookshelf._

_He shrieked. Dad!_

_Her lungs deflated with this yell. Daddy! Daddy, Daddy! _

_Swinging, swinging, swinging…._

"Doesn't he understand that Allen _won't _come back? I swear his head is made of rocks sometimes," Lenalee muttered, voice barely audible amidst the clacking of her boots.

These shoes were clunky, leaving blisters and sores on her heels and toes, but she refused to take them off. They were cursed, she knew; she didn't want to live, that day. No God guided her feet, not one she knew of; it was the love for her brother.

But they saved Komui. They saved her soul, and unlike Allen, she put up a fight.

_Oh god, oh god-_

_He looked at the pair, collapsed on the ground in a desolate embrace, Lenalee still shrieking. _

_Out, out, Komui, call 911! Lenalee, honey, go wait in the living room!_

_Why isn't she waking up? Daddy!_

The door didn't even have a chance to respond as she dusted her room and made a warpath to the boys' building.

_Out, both of you, out!_

"Lenalee-"

"You aren't stopping me, Lavi, I'm coming over and giving him a piece of my mind!"

She kicked a can left on the sidewalk, and with a resounding ting, it slammed into a bench.

_What was that thump, brother? Komui just shook, a branch in a hurricane. Bringing her in his arms on the old sofa, brushing through her hair tentatively as if his hands were fragile twigs._

_Dad must've dropped something, he said._

The sound of a ragdoll hitting the ground after the quick swipe of a pocket knife, she told her child self.

_Daddy was crying. Oh God, oh God, No, no, no, no. Honey, don't- No, wake up, wake up….. Please just fucking wake..._

She tried to avoid the pressing glances of the occupants who knew she didn't belong here. No one in the school dared to cat-call her, not after the warm welcome she gave Lavi when they first met. It was certain death to even think of it.

_Mommy was dead. They didn't need a doctor to tell them that she'd checked out already. Dead, dead, dead…._

Dad was dead, too. He died in that room with her, or at least his soul did. He hadn't checked out of his body though, and he wouldn't for two years. It was a sick, twisted repetition. _You could've shot yourself in the head, Dad, you didn't need to copy Mom._

The stairs cowered beneath her angry stomps, along with shrieking exit door from the third floor. Sure enough, Lavi was leaning against the wall, holding the phone as if it was lead.

I loved him. Who doesn't love their parents?

I checked out, too; booked a flight to Hell. I committed the taboo.

_The cicadas were quiet then, the sky red, the house black, a charred and ugly and disgusting color like a bomb splattered scum on the white panels, maggots eating at the pancakes in the kitchen and the rope still warm._

_Maggots in both of their bodies, pushing up the dandelions rather than daisies. _

But there was a time when the past had to be put to rest, taken out to the curb on Sundays and Wednesdays in an unassuming green bin. Allen was the one who taught her that; self-destruct or keep going, keep going until you're out of breath. Keep going until you've found what you're looking for.

There was something about him that made you feel special. You felt human, in the simplest meaning of the word, when his eyes met yours.

She wasn't going to watch him self-destruct.

* * *

><p>"Why are you outside the room?" Lenalee asked while looking at the suspicious door.<p>

He put the phone back in his pocket and frowned. "He kicked me out after Allen left."

She unfolded her arms and knocked once, twice, thrice...

"Kan," it was more of a punch rather than a knock this time, "Da! Open the door!"

"I know you can hear me!" There was a muffled, _fuck off_, from the other side of the door.

"Hey," Lavi growled. "Don't tell her to fuck off."

Lenalee chose to ignore the comment and yelled, "You can't just decide to kick Allen off the face of the earth! Me and Lavi, we love him too, you know! It's not your decision!"

"_Fuck off."_

"Kanda! Open the damn-" The door swung open, and Kanda stood stiff and tight-lipped.

"Don't you get it? He's a Noah, Lenalee, do you know what that means?"

"It means he's Allen! Allen is Allen! I don't remember Lavi mentioning he went full dark skin and tried to kill you! What makes you think we can't reverse it?" Lenalee yelled. "Why are you giving up?"

"This isn't giving up. I'm just not as delusional as-"

Lavi suddenly appeared of Lenalee's shoulders, with a serious tone of voice she didn't recognize.

"This is about Alma, isn't it?"

He continued. "You aren't thinking about Allen at all; it's just self-preservation so you don't get hurt again. In fact, I bet you didn't mean a word you said to him."

The emotion in his pensive expression drained down to his hands, expressive in the way they twitched and passed through the thick air of where his sword should be.

Lenalee grabbed his hand. "Allen has a chance, Kanda. He's still alive, and we can't abandon him!"

"He chose his side. Now get the fuck out of here," Kanda hissed while yanking his hand back.

Lenalee stopped the door from slamming and replied, "We both know Allen would rather die than kill innocent people."

"_What's that supposed to mean?_ Let go of the damn door, Lenalee."

"Watch your tone, Kanda," Lavi said.

"What, are you going to play protective boyfriend?" Kanda sneered.

"You know exactly what it means, Kanda! He's not going to let himself turn into a Noah! He'll kill himself before it happens!" Lenalee yelled.

"He'd only work with them if he had a plan, Kanda. You know she's right."

"Oh, get over yourselves. He's not Allen anymore. It's just someone else walking around in his corpse-"

"You're a coward Kanda," Lavi shouted, stifling Kanda's words, "and I don't think _he's_ the walking corpse."

"Come on, Lavi, we're going to find him. When you finally realize you're an ass, Kanda," Lenalee threw a sorry glance over her shoulder, "help us bring him home, too."

* * *

><p>"Transparent bastard," Lavi muttered. "Allen's the only one who believes a word he says."<p>

They walked the rest of the way in silence, ending up on a bench adjacent to the building.

"Where does he have to go?" Lavi asked finally, sick of staring at the manicured campus grounds. Even with the terrible weather, the campus still looked great. Better than ever, actually.

"Lavi," Lenalee turned to him, "What happened, between Kanda and Alma?"

"I was told a demon killed her, but I don't believe it. He killed her," Lavi said abruptly, as if someone pulled the cork on a bottle.

Her eyes widened and she whispered, "What? Why?"

"She'd been murdering people for a few months, including her father. Yuu didn't know, at the time; I didn't see how it ended, but I knew she was crazy. I guess, if he would've done it differently," Lavi stopped.

She noticed a dandelion by her feet and gingerly picked it, noticing part of the dusty blooms were browned and dead.

"He would've let himself be killed, wouldn't he? That loyalty he has may be lost on the Order, but," Lenalee said quietly. "no one wants to have to kill the one they love. Distancing himself is the only other solution."

"Allen isn't Alma," Lavi informed her, "He doesn't bear the same hatred for the Order, even after everything that's happened. She was beautiful, but she was insane. It's not like it was her fault, but then again, it wouldn't be Allen's fault if he went mad."

"Kanda knows it, too. But the possibility of Allen turning out like Alma-"

"He can't handle it," Lenalee finished.

Her face lit up and she grabbed Lavi's sleeve. "So we just have to convince him that, right?"

"Wha- I don't think Kanda operates like that," Lavi replied.

"He's not one to change his mind, but I think a part of him already thinks Allen won't turn. It's just a push in the right direction, that's what he needs!"

"Lenalee-"

"I know," she cut him off, "I know it's a bit of a stretch. But I don't have any other ideas."

"Then," he smiled with forced enthusiasm, "let's find him."

* * *

><p>The mansion was the same as ever; a five-minute walk on a rain-spattered, cobblestone driveway, gardens glistening with both dew and cold leftovers from last night. He looked at the wide doors, not sure where to knock.<p>

_A doorbell. Duh._

A few moments later, the door creaked open, someone peering through the small opening before swinging the door open.

"Oh, Allen?" Wisely spent a good minute wiping the sleep from his eyes. With a disproportionately buttoned shirt and a missing scarf, he stood at the door threatening to fall asleep.

"What are you doing here?"

"I-"

"Oh, yeah. Sheryl, right? You're early, although I guess you don't sleep," Wisely frowned before adding, "Are you okay?"

"Huh?" _He didn't look like he'd been crying, did he? _

"Last night, the phone call. You sounded pretty sick," Wisely said and then turned with a wave. "Hurry up, before the weather turns."

"Oh, yeah," Allen replied, absentminded, admiring the house.

He remembered the party, and this living room felt nostalgic in the strangest sense. Glass walls, still dripping from the night's rain, and polished hardwood floors still held the same breathtaking aura they once had. The leather couches; he could point out the one where he talked to Tyki that night. The stairs where he chased after Kanda; the window he broke, the spot in the lawn where he awkwardly fell.

The window hadn't been fixed until recently, when Tyki lost a game of rock, paper, scissors. To Wisely, which Allen thought was unfair, but regardless of the technicalities, Allen ended up having to help when no one actually _knew _how to fix a window. It's a wonder they made it this far.

Not bad nostalgia, not good nostalgia; just a strange, charged chill in the air. His thoughts lagging behind his feet, caught up in what once was instead of what is.

Wisely somehow weaved through the house to the back kitchen, a spacious room that was designed to look as if it was empty. Allen would never understand why people wanted their kitchen to look like an airbrushed office trashcan.

"You haven't eaten anything right? It's still, what, nine? Ten? Whatever, it's still in the cereal hours." He rummaged through one of the polished cabinets, having to jump up and down to reach something.

"No, I'm fine," Allen replied, finding a seat at a bar stool. Another thing he didn't understand about modern kitchens; why did they need seating in the middle of the room? Wasn't this what tables were for? Maybe for entertaining purposes, but surely….

"Allen," Wisely sloshed a bowl of cereal in front of him, "I can't tell what you're thinking, but you've got that weird look on your face. Like you're sleepwalking. Whats wrong?"

He put a spoon in Allen's hand and swung around the counter, hopping on to one of the bar stools.

"I-"

"A suitcase? Are you planning on staying here?"

"Well-"

"Did something happen?"

"Wisely-"

"Was it-"

"Wisely! Shut the fuck up, kid!" Allen blinked, mildly happy someone else said it before he did.

Devit elbowed Wisely in the back of the head and then added, "How's he going to answer if you keep running your mouth?"

He went straight for the fridge, mulled it over the contents a moment, before pulling out some cold pizza.

Mid chew, he said, "What are you doing here, anyway, Walker?"

One thing he liked about Devit, and Wisely for that matter; they were shorter, Devit by a hair, and after an argument followed by standing back to back, Wisely by two whole inches. No one had the right to call him beansprout around here.

Allen turned to Wisely, who was stewing over his cereal, and asked, "Wisely, aren't you miffed at me?"

"Agree to disagree," Wisely said while pointing his spoon at him. "Difference of opinions. I was just in a bad mood."

"Bad mood," Devit snorted, "More like you were an emotionally distraught toddler."

A spoon when flying over Devit's head, and he yelled back, "Hey!"

Suddenly everything in the room turned into a plausible projectile, Devit choosing the pizza in his hand as a weapon.

"Don't throw it," Wisely growled, even before Devit made a motion. "I have a bowl of cereal. You'll lose."

"I have a full fridge, shortie."

"I'm closer to the silverware drawer."

"You can't aim."

"You guys," Allen said nervously. "It was just a joke, right?"

"Stay out of this!" They both yelled in unison.

He watched the stalemate with bated breath, the other just waiting for one to make a move. There was shuffling down the stairs behind, and Allen turned around in hope of an escape. Tyki stood at the bottom, matching Wisely in appearance with the same, sleepy stare.

"Oh, Allen, how good to-" Tyki stopped, narrowing his eyes at the impending food fight.

"No."

Wisely refused to break eye contact with Devit. "Stay out of it, Tyki."

"No."

"Get outta here, old man, if you don't want pepperoni's for eyes."

Allen wasn't sure when Tyki retrieved it, but he held up a glistening gun in the morning light. "It goes down the garbage disposal if you don't leave."

Devit made a high-pitched whining noise before storming off, putting the extra piece of pizza in his mouth before taking the gun from Tyki's open hand.

"So dramatic, aren't you?"

Devit's mumbled insult thrown over his shoulder was lost in the half-chewed mess stuck in his teeth.

"Whatever you threw, Wisely, please get it," Tyki said with a sigh.

"I didn't," he stopped when Tyki shot him a glare. "Fine."

Wisely begrudgingly retrieved the spoon that, strangely enough, ended up in the refrigerator.

_Tyki was the parent in this situation, wasn't he? Without the Earl, or Sheryl…_

Allen didn't mean to start laughing, but he did, when domestic Tyki started doing the dishes.

Tyki looked over his shoulder strangely. "What?"

"It's just," Allen tried to stop laughing but it took longer than he expected. _It's just you act like a normal family._

"Nevermind," Allen said cheerfully.

"Why's he here, Tyki?" Wisely asked, returning to his cereal in a grumpy huff.

"I'm not one to pry," Tyki said, meaning he was too lazy to ask.

"I'm hoping we can speed up the whole process by me being here," he ignored Wisely's dubious glance, "and I wanted to ask you something about the Heart. In person."

Wisely's eyes lit up. "Oh! I forgot to call you. I went down in the archives again, without you. Nothing personal, but I'm not toting around that idiot just to get caught again. So it is personal. Anyway," his face was no longer bright, "It's not a good thing. Well it is, but it isn't. You might not-"

"Please, get to the point soon."

"The Heart- that's why you were locked up. The Order was trying to force someone to become the Heart. They had all kinds of research, too; the innocence that is technically the Heart is dormant. So they were picking candidates, and by candidates," he touched his spoon to his mouth thoughtfully, "people who wouldn't be missed. And they were trying ways to force the Heart to awaken, either by the survival instinct to save the person's life, or in response to akuma poisoning, or all kinds of strange medicine. Humans really are idiots if they think some damn man-made medicine-"

"Wisely," Tyki grunted, nodding his head at Allen.

"Oh," he said suddenly, realizing he'd gone a little too far too fast.

"No, it's fine. Keep talking," Allen insisted.

"You're going to bite right through your tongue," Tyki said.

"So I was a candidate for the Heart," Allen said slowly, ignoring Tyki and the blood in his mouth.

"A big one. That's why they were so focused on you. Did you know your innocence saved your life? Twice? It's all on their records-"

"Yeah," Allen said shortly, "Yeah, I did."

A pause.

"Right," Wisely said cautiously, "Of course you would. The tests said the results were still inconclusive, so I went searching for your file. Turns out, someone else has it."

He counted the muscles it took to blink. "What?"

"There's a file with your name on it, along with multiple redirect papers. No information inside. Basically, the Order is pissed and no one can find your shit."

"But who would," Allen frowned and then glanced up at Wisely. "Did you do any more searching?"

Wisely laughed nervously. "Is it that obvious? Yeah, I went and checked your friends files to see if I could find anything, along with a couple of the London files. Nothing. Except, your friend Kanda Yuu's file was gone, too. The same deal as yours."

A pause.

"Oh."

"Take it up with him, I guess. I hope I didn't just start an argument," Wisely said with a fake gasp.

"Doesn't matter," he muttered, glaring at the soggy cereal. _It's obvious the bastard took it. Why?_

"I don't want to know what that's about," Tyki said. "But anyway, the data was inconclusive. It means that you probably aren't the Heart."

"Yeah," Wisely said, perking up. "And since you killed off all the other candidates, we won't have to,"

"Shit, no, I didn't mean-"

"It's fine," Allen replied. "Fine. It's fine."

"Allen, I didn't-"

"I said it was fine!" Allen yelled back, not taking his eyes off the bowl. All of the cereal was dissolving now, mixing grossly with the lukewarm milk.

He took his spoon and stirred it, turning it into a mushy mess. "Is that everything?"

Wisely talked quietly and carefully now. "Yeah, mostly."

"Then I would like to add what I've learned about the Heart," Allen said quietly.

"I was wondering about that. What- wait, hey!"

Allen ignored the other two's alarm and slipped off the coat, unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it off.

"What the hell are you doing, Allen?"

Wisely sucked the words back in against his teeth.

"It's not supposed to do this, is it?" Allen said quietly.

He couldn't bring himself to look at it this morning, and was unsure if it was better or worse. But out of the corner of his eyes, the black discoloration was like ivy now, swirling around his left collarbone and ribs.

"Is that your innocence? All over your chest like that?" Wisely asked.

He reached a hand out to touch one of the black spirals near his collarbone, jerking his hand back when sparks flew and a grey discoloration spread up his arm.

Wisely looked over at Tyki for an answer, but he seemed just as stunned. "I don't know what to make of that. All I know is-"

"_The Heart consumes it's owner, that's what you know, isn't it?" _

They all exchanged a puzzled glance, and then an irritated droop of the eyes.

Allen glared when he found the source of the annoyance, an unassuming but still smug idiot. He shrugged his shirt back on and looked at Tyki for a denial.

"I've heard that before, yes," Tyki said slowly. "But there's no proof."

"I see proof. although, when that innocence was mine, it definitely wasn't the Heart," Neah said, stirring up the now oatmeal in Allen's bowl.

"Excuse me?" Wisely asked, doing a double-take between Allen and Neah. "Repeat that. Slowly."

"Story time," Neah said while smirking at Allen. "I think Allen's finally ready to hear the truth."

"What are you talking about? Neah we don't have time-"

"What if I told you that Mana never destroyed my innocence, dear Wisely?"

"Don't use that tone," Wisely replied, disgusted at Neah's cavity sweet words.

"Then what did he do with it?" Tyki asked nervously, patting himself down before finding a stray cigarette. He lit it, eyes still tracing the ink vines on Allen's exposed bones.

"He cut it off me, like ripping a necklace off, although it was my arm at the time. He slit my throat soon after," he got too close to Tyki's scowl, "then he felt bad, terrible, oh no, God what have I done? So," he brushed Allen's cheek, "he forced my innocence on some poor, diseased orphan and translated the memories, without telling anyone. And then, our dear heartbroken friend, Adam, took it upon him to get vengeance on Mana. I don't know how my brother died, and don't intend to find out."

"Are you fucking with us?" Wisely asked. Neah ignored him.

"The Earl then made a deal with little Allen, hoping to ferry his soul off to hell and give me a fancy new body. An extra bonus being that he could send Mana to hell again. It didn't matter, because Mana forced my innocence on Allen beforehand, and the plan ultimately failed. But because the Earl didn't know I was trapped in there, he took vengeance on Allen, and shipped him to the Order. Cross eventually tracked him down, and the rest," Neah sat down and smiled as if he'd just finished a good book, "is history."

"That can't be real," Wisely said. "Allen, can you please-"

"Cross hinted at the innocence not being mine, last time we met," Allen said so quietly he wasn't sure the words were leaving his mouth. "So it's not impossible."

Allen looked up from the mush with fire in his eyes. "But why did you want until now to say this?"

"Ah. One, I wanted you to be through with playing house. Two, I wanted everything out on the table before I said anything. Three, I really wanted an audience. It's more fun like this, the way you're all in some time warp."

He flicked Wisely on the forehead and it took him a moment to flinch.

"Oh," Allen said.

_Oh._

He was having trouble remembering how to blink; it felt as if his eyes coated with oil and even if the lids would fall shut, it was difficult to get them back open. He was fading out again, thoughts wandering into dark seas of indecision.

_Keep moving forward?_ Was it of his own volition, or was he just stuck in some twisted flow of fate?

Wisely suddenly snapped into action and put his hands on Allen's shoulders. "This means nothing; he has absolutely no proof."

_They're going to kill you, tonight, Allen. Then I'll be gone, and so will the Heart. Checkmate._

_Might've been their plan all along. _

_They used you._

Neah smirked. "All the proof is right here. Remember when it was obvious your innocence was rejecting you, Allen? That red mess of a hand it used to be? Or when the Earl said..."

_Funny, Mana only took you in because he needed your body. He wanted me, not you, and every single time he said, "I love you"-_

Wisely shook him by the shoulders and forced eye contact. "Don't listen to him, Allen! He's just lying to get control of you."

The words ripped up his throat as they climbed out. "Mana never loved me, did he?"

_Are you stupid? Why would he?_

Tyki spoke through the cigarette in his mouth, in need of an ash. "Snap out of it, Allen."

The doorbell rang. No one moved.

"Devit!" Tyki yelled. "_Be a doll_ and get the door!"

"I don't want to get off the-"

"Get off your lazy ass!" Wisely roared.

"Fine!" There was a thump followed by sock-covered swishes. "Jesus, you two need to calm down!"

Devit fumbled with the lock, eventually pulling the double doors free.

"_The hell are you two doin' here?"_

"_Good morning," a girl answered in a forced tone._

"_What's good about it?"_

"Allen, please don't do this," Wisely whispered, cupping his hands on either cheek. "Since when did you give in this easily?!"

"I wonder why," Allen's eyes smiled more than his mouth did, "Why the Earl didn't kill me that night?"

"Is he messing with his memories?" Tyki asked worriedly, seeing his own reflection in Allen's now blank expression. He snapped once or twice in front of Allen's eyes. Nothing.

"Neah, fuck off!" Wisely yelled.

Devit yelled, "There's a girl and a boy at the door who keep askin' about some Allen! We don't know a fuckin Allen, do we?"

Wisely and Tyki exchanged a glance.

"What's the name?"

"Allen?"

"No, their names, you twit!" Wisely yelled.

"I don't know! Rabi? Rinali? Something like that."

"Lenalee, Lavi," Wisely focused back on Allen's slow and smooth words, "They hate me, because I'm a Noah, and I'm going to kill them."

"Cut it out, Allen! Didn't you say you were never going to let that sleazy bastard have your body?"

"_That sounded like Allen! Can I please just have a word with him?"_

"_I said I don't know an Allen, Rabi. Fuck off."_

"_It's Lavi."_

"Check the eyes," Tyki said quietly.

"_How about this: I'll remember your name if you run faster than I can shoot."_

A flickering ember of gold sparked at the irises, but still dominantly silver.

"New tactic," Wisely said while taking a deep breath. "Hey, Neah? You listening?"

"Don't bring him out," Tyki hissed. The cigarette was out, but he hadn't noticed.

"I just have one question. Answer me this truthfully," Wisely seemed to have trouble spitting it out.

"Did you enjoy watching them have sex? Allen and Kanda?"

Tyki blinked a couple of times in complete shock.

Then it clicked. He smiled widely and added, "Yeah, I've wondered that myself. Is Allen any good in bed?"

The spark of gold died, and a rush of silver, not to mention rose, recolored Allen's skin.

"We didn't have sex!" Allen cried, blush taking up the lack of color.

"Really? You don't have to be shy," Tyki said. "Besides the question was for Neah."

"I haven't! I mean I won't!" Allen was more red than white. "Don't ask people that! I didn't!"

"I know," Wisely said happily, patting him on the head. "I know you didn't."

"That was underhanded, Wisely," Tyki said, still smirking at Allen.

"You played along," Wisely replied, hopping up and heading for the door.

"_I'm coming! Don't shoot anyone, Devit!" _

"Wait, Lavi and Lenalee are here?" Allen said.

"They sure are resourceful if they tracked you down here. We can either shoo them away or you can go talk. Your choice."

"_Wait, Wisely, is that you? I know you've seen Allen!"_

"_Allen? Can't say I've heard of an Allen."_

Lenalee growled, "Allen, I know you can hear me! Please just come talk to us!"

He smiled against his face falling. "Please tell them I'm not here. I think it would be best for everyone to move on."

Tyki didn't comment, and made his way over to the door.

"_Allen isn't here."_

"_Tyki, please."_

"_I'd love to help, but I can't. Sorry Miss Lee, he must've gone somewhere else."_

Allen poked at the liquid cardboard. It was too late to eat it, far too late. He should really pour it out.

"Allen! Don't do this!" He went over to the sink and watched the brown mixture slop into the sink.

"_Get outta here, Miss Loud Chick. We don't have your man." _The water ran until the sink was polished grey.

"_Allen!" _

His phone was ringing, or had been for the past minute, and fished it out. Then he laughed, a pitiful noise he still hadn't mastered. Kanda.

Ding! A voicemail.

"_Fine! No matter what you do, though, you won't get rid of us!"_ He placed his bowl in the dishwasher, turned it on, and sat back down.

There was no way he was going to listen to this message, but then again, he didn't delete it. A stalemate with the lock screen began.

"_Bye bye, Miss Lee and Mister Bookman," _he could imagine Wisely's sarcastic flutter of the hands, "_We'll make sure to lock the gates tomorrow, so you're going to have to get crafty."_

The door shut and Devit immediately yelled, "They never shut up, do they? Aw shit, is it raining again?"

"No, they don't," Allen murmured, putting the phone back in his pocket.

* * *

><p>They set up shop in a corner of the living room, Tyki pacing with a cloud of smoke trailing behind, picking up stray scraps of paper with apparently vital information. The couches seemed inviting, but Allen continued standing, anxiety keeping him on his toes.<p>

He didn't realize this was a mission, rather than a pit stop.

Wisely came thundering down the steps with an armful of files and his scarf loosely situated.

"One time," Devit said while watching Allen's wary glance, "he didn't tie his scarf tight enough and tripped on it, down those stairs. I swear he fell for ten minutes straight."

"Shut up," Wisely grumbled, instinctively tightening the fabric.

"And then one time-"

"Shut up!" Wisely yelled.

"Please," Tyki rubbed his brow, "quit fighting. I can't believe Lulubell left me here to fend for myself."

"Who is here, exactly?" Allen asked, suddenly feeling shy.

"Jasdero is upstairs printing something out for me," Wisely shot a glare at Devit, "that idiot is here, Skinn is resting, Tyki is playing parent, and you."

"Parent? I would never have children as rowdy as you two," Tyki scoffed.

Wisely rolled his eyes. "Anyway, these are some blueprints Lulubell got a hold of. They're pictures she took with her cell, but they'll work. She entered the city about three days ago and started snooping, but the second she was within a half-mile radius of the damn mansion, some goons apprehended her. Turns out it wasn't the guards, but a different group loitering around. She snagged these and booked it out of there."

"The mansion isn't Sheryl's pad; it's more of a hotel than anything else. Diplomat's and foreign dignitaries stay there for business and stuff, I think," Devit added. "Not sure how that goes."

Allen nodded, and then asked, "A different group?"

"Sheryl's a very popular man at the moment," Tyki murmured.

"Important thing is they had innocence, well, about three of them. So I'm guessing they are undercover Order spies," Wisely said.

Jasdero made his way down the stairs and handed Wisely a printout.

"Thanks. This is an inner city map, marked with exit routes and easy duck outs if chased." The paper ended up in Allen's hands, and he noticed how much red ink was covering the cross wires of streets.

"Do I need to-"

"Know this? Preferably. If we are split up, it would be best to get out of the city. Don't wait for anyone."

With his failing memory, the only thing going to be ingrained in his skull was the color.

"Hold on," Allen took the blueprints gingerly from the coffee table and confirmed his suspicions, "there isn't a basement on this floor plan."

"Plenty of places don't have basements," Devit grumbled. "So what?"

"But where is the second unit, for heating and air? With a place this big, there's no way they run on just one unit. Even assuming there's just two. This place probably needs one for every other floor."

Tyki took the papers and looked them over. "You're right, there's only one marked unit. I doubt they forgot to mark another; it's to hot of a climate there to not bother having them, also."

"Great," Wisely huffed and fell into a recliner, "faulty maps, huh? If only Road could talk."

"Haven't you heard from her?" Allen asked.

"Even if she was able to call, the phone would be tapped. She slipped me two keys before she left, and I haven't heard from her after," Wisely murmured. "I'm assuming she's holed up in this building with Sheryl."

"He brought her along in hopes that no one would follow," Jasdero said. "But with the keys, they can hop right into the city!"

"They're going straight into the building, idiot. Why would they try to break in if they already have a way in?" Devit said, rolling his eyes.

"By _they_, I'm assuming you two aren't coming?"

"We've gotta be on standby; Skinn's gotta have someone hanging around, too. He's still weak."

Allen looked at the floor plan again. Seven floors, bottom floor with six rooms, a kitchen, living room, and an unnerving amount of halls. Each floor was a maze, stairs lurking within, designed like castle spires. Lots and lots of rooms, lots and lots of places to check. No time for it.

"This place is gonna be crawling with guards, so we've got to get in and out. And it's a damn maze."

"You're right about that," Allen murmured, biting his nail as he tried to memorize the plan.

He lowered the maps when he noticed Tyki's glance. "We have two objectives; secure Road, and incapacitate Sheryl. Wisely and I will take the earlier, and you'll take the latter. We'll work to clear a path for you, but you're going to be alone, and under a severe time limit."

"No one is coming to save your ass, pretty boy," Devit sneered while messing with the remote. The obnoxiously large TV cast a glare on the windowed walls, creating fifty of the warped TV guide.

"And no one knows how to defeat Sheryl," Jasdero sang.

"Allen, do not take this lightly; if Sheryl manages to catch you with his wires, you're dead. Dead as a locked doorknob," Wisely said. "None of us were alive for his death, So,"

"So, what?" Allen asked, not liking the nosedive this conversation was taking.

"If things start going sour, Wisely wants you to give in to Neah, isn't that it?" Devit spat. "He'll never come back. Neah will kill Sheryl for good with that creepy innocence of yours. And you can kiss your sorry ass goodbye, Allen."

"A last resort," Wisely urged, ignoring Devit. "Use him, don't let him use you."

"Never," Allen hissed. "I'll do this on my own."

"Good. Avoid the exorcists at all costs, Allen. They'll pull out your Noah within seconds," Tyki added.

"No pressure," Allen muttered, falling into the couch. It was lumpy and leather and threatening to swallow him whole. He wouldn't mind if it did.

"Speaking of exorcists! I know somethin' that will cheer you up!" Jasder said excitedly, hopping off the couch and racing down the hall.

"It's not gonna cheer you up," Devit muttered.

"Close your eyes, Allen! You too, Wisely! And Tyki! Close 'em!"

"Jasdero, quit acting like a five-year old!"

* * *

><p><strong>I'm so excited to write the next chapter! It's been so long since some action! <strong>

**Thank you for the support, and see you then!**

**(Man I wish I could post longer chapter titles because the good ones are always too long...)**


	28. The (Clown's) Masque of the Red Death

**I'll rant about why this took me so long at the end... *grumbles* Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

><p>"It's not that bad," Allen repeated, stressing the word <em>that <em>as he mustered his best smile.

"Then why do you look like you just 'got shot?" Devit asked.

He looked down again. To be honest, he hadn't the slightest clue about what to expect. But his very own tailored Noah outfit still managed to leave him speechless, for better or for worse he didn't know.

Jasdero obviously put a lot of work into the clothing: both design and style wise. He fabricated a whole outfit for Allen, one that matched all the other Noah's black and white style. Maybe that was the problem.

"Look," Jasdero said excitedly and pulled at the jacket fabric. Using the term jacket loosely, since it was a strange, bleached-white cover with nonexistent sleeves and long, draping fabric down the spine. It stopped somewhere near the backs of his knees. "This fabric is anti-matter thread. I took the idea from the exorcists and their shitty coats, except I did it better! No wasted fabric that's going to bunch up and slow you down or lack in strength, hehe!"

He continued on with a long-winded explanation of why he opted for no sleeves; apparently it limited movement and the cloth already attracted Innocence so hits were going to the not-so-vital, covered areas. Allen just smiled and nodded nervously, wondering how he hadn't noticed the strange laugh Jasdero added on to his speech when he got too excited before.

"And," he tugged at the back of the shirt and pulled a hood over Allen's eyes, soft, fragrant fabric that smelled strangely wonderful. "Ta-Da! Your identity is safe! There's extra weight in the front of the hood so it won't fall back, but enough fabric near the seam so that it won't tug."

He reached up in the hood and pulled down a mask hiding within, black and sewn to the hood, covering everything but his eyes and the bridge of his nose. It was a little suffocating, but not as hot as he thought, and definitely more bearable than he assumed.

"Why does it smell like," he waited to finish his sentence until after the mask came off, "Peppermint? No, pine trees."

"Jas thinks it's cool to give everyone a scent. Since Noah aren't shitty humans, we can smell and hear better so, if someone smells like a stick of gum down the hall-"

"You know Allen's doin' something stupid down that way," Devit said while jabbing a thumb in his direction.

"I had to design your pants and shoes a little different from Wisely's, since he doesn't run."

Devit added a snide, "or do anything."

"Please," Tyki said, but he didn't make a move to separate them when Wisely stomped over.

The pants were tight, like leggings but thicker material, and at the opening at the bottom, a sturdy leather strap went under the white shoes as if to hold them in place.

Jasdero raised his voice to talk over the two arguing and fighting. "I'm sure you've noticed the shoes are pretty weird too, right? They are flat and sleek for speed, but rough on the back heel for traction, with cloth over the top of the foot. Works better than laces."

"So, like roller skates?" Allen murmured while seesawing from heel to toe. He dragged his foot backwards by the heel and almost fell backward due to the sudden stop.

"I'm guessing you were never good with those."

He didn't respond and sauntered over to one of the many glass panels, glancing at his reflection.

_I look older, don't I? Older, and-_

"What's wrong?"

"You look like a Noah," Wisely said from on top of Devit, pinning his arm down.

"Is that the problem?"

Allen turned around and noticed Tyki and Wisely's clothes, with the same style but different cuts.

"No," he decided.

"Good," Wisely said. "We need to hurry up and get this show on the road; it's already approaching midnight there. Time zones or whatever."

He put a key in Allen's hand, along with a map.

"Wait!" Jasdero came over and snapped a shimmering earring on Allen's ear, then on Wisely's ear, and then handed Tyki his, since he was much too short to do it for him. "Keep in touch using these microphones, okay?"

Allen thumbed the dangling piece of metal before asking, "Do you guys know where Road is?"

"It won't be hard to find her once we're in. We Noah have a sixth sense of sorts when it comes to other Noah. I should be able to tell you where Sheryl is, too, but assuming that you aren't going to be killing any of the guards," Wisely rolled his eyes when Allen's face soured, "You won't have much time to get there. The second someone spots you, the second the entire building knows."

"I'm betting that Sheryl is on the seventh floor, since it is the top floor, and you'll want to enter through that closet." Tyki pointed at a small X on the map. "Wait for us to find him and cause a commotion on the floor below before you exit."

Allen took one last look at the map and then replied, "Got it."

"Let's be off, then," Tyki said, taking his key and opening a stray door that morphed into a black hole.

He watched Tyki and Wisely disappear, followed by the doorway zipping up.

"Don't get any blood on Jasdero's clothes, ya hear me? He spent a lot of time on that," Devit barked.

"Yeah, no blood," Jasdero said with a sewn smile, adding a laugh.

"Is it that hard to tell someone to stay safe?" Allen asked wryly as he opened up a doorway.

"I didn't mean it like that, 'ya shitty albino!"

* * *

><p>Stepping through Road's doorways always left him with a weightless feeling, as if he were dreaming while still awake. Coming out on the other side always took him a handful of seconds to readjust and find his balance.<p>

The earring crackled. "_Allen? Allen, can you hear me?"_

Something was definitely off; this was much too big to be a closet, and held an air of dampness, stale with mold.

"Yeah," he whispered, peering around the musty room while straining his eyes in the darkness.

_"You were right about the maps, damn it. Tyki and I ended up a building over; how the hell does that even happen?"_

Allen didn't respond and quickly opened his left eye, scanning for any persons hidden in the black room. The room was empty of life. He looked up and saw souls above, dozens of them stretching up, and up, and up….

"I think I'm in the basement, but it's too dark to tell," Allen replied.

A sudden noise shattered the silence, a knock on a stray pipe, and he activated his innocence without a second thought, falling into a fighting stance. The darkness became suffocating, eating away at the seconds he spent waiting for something, anything, to appear.

There was a sharp tug at his waist and two tiny arms wrapped around him. He threw a kick behind him and attempted to twist free, however, his leg passed through thin air and the arms became nothing more than a phantom presence.

A voice, caramel burning on the stovetop, smoked through the crisp dark. "Allen, Calm down!"

"_Was that Road's voice?"_

"Is that Wisely in your ear?" She asked.

Allen deactivated his innocence and let out a heavy sigh. "Road, geez, it's just you. Wait, why am I with you? And in the basement?"

"I couldn't warn you guys in time, but those maps were fakes; they knew Lulubell would go for them. If I hadn't scrambled the doorways, you'd be surrounded by a bunch of little shits upstairs," she replied distastefully. "I meant for all three of you to end up here, but didn't realize those two idiots were on their way until it was a little too late."

"_Great,"_ Wisely muttered._ "So, where is Sheryl, then?"_

"Top floor. But the only reason they haven't stormed him is because they're waiting for you three. They tried to get me too; I think I got the message across with all the bodies left in my room." Allen blocked out the mental picture that followed those words.

"So I have to work my way up to the top."

"I would take you up there myself, but I don't want Sheryl to-" she stopped.

Allen understood why._ It's a straightforward betrayal if she does. Sheryl might even take it out on her._

"Its okay. I'll be fine."

_"You know-" _

"Allen," Road said, cutting off Tyki, "he's not himself anymore. You're innocence will definitely send him over the edge, you know, and-"

"No matter what, I have to do this, Road." He added a reassuring, "I won't kill him."

"Right," she said quietly. "I know you won't."

"_Don't go dying on us, idiot. We'll see what we can do from outside."_

Allen pulled up the hood and down the mask.

"The stairs are this way," Road said, grabbing his hand and pulling him along until he could see a crack of light from beneath the door.

He reopened his left eye and noticed two people directly outside of the stairs, souls dancing in waves of red and purple.

With one last look at Road's silhouette, he wondered if he would ever see her again.

* * *

><p>The basement door burst open, and before the men could say a word into their earpieces, Allen grabbed them both by the ear and smashed their heads together. He watched the lights went out upstairs between the both of them, and then daintily stepped over the limp bodies. <em>Not dead, but sure will hope they are when they wake up with that headache. <em>

He stealthily snaked through the dim hallways, checking behind him every so often. It looked as if the wallpaper was soaked in blood and hung to dry, dripping into the dusk carpet. Everything was red, but with different shades scattered due to the faux oil lamp lighting. The crown molding was like dripping orange wax, and the walls were richer in maroon as they approached the floor.

He helped decorate with bloody noses and busted lips of intruders who saw him. A knee to the gut, and elbow to the chest, one, two, three jabs for good measure until they were stumbling and gasping and in some cases, hurling.

_You've changed, Allen. _He wasn't one to deny it, but still avoided acknowledging Neah.

The stairwells weren't connected, which meant he had the simple job of searching every floor for a lucky door that led up.

"Here?" He muttered to himself, pulling open a mahogany door.

The light from the hallway crawled into the black space, pulling at a canopy bed with silken, gold sheets and dark curtains. But the sheets were stained with a black, sticky wetness, and a heavy body still slumbering within. No, not asleep.

_Bzzt!_ _Sorry! Wrong room! Play again?_

He slammed the door shut and wondered if everyone in the building had already been murdered in their sleep.

Behind him, guards blockaded in the dead-end hall with guns aimed for his vitals.

"Noah!"

"Sorry to disappoint, but no," Allen called out, throwing up Crown Clown when he smelled the heat of gunpowder and ringing in his ears. Firing off guns in such a small space nearly burst his eardrums, but he took the opportunity the ricochet provided to escape.

_This door has to be it,_ he thought as he came across another dead-end hall. As he tried the handle, he heard a sudden gunshot from behind and dodged a little too late.

"Ha ha! Try running now, you-"

Whatever Jasdero weaved into the cloth refused to pierce; the bullet was sure to leave a nasty bruise, however, when it sent him stumbling into the stairwell. A dumbfounded expression shadowed his face when he checked his side, fabric only scuffed with a dark stain.

He kicked the handle and rendered it useless; it would take at least a minute to pry open the heavy, wooden entrance.

The next three floors passed quickly; _boy, these shoes sure do slide across the carpet with ease._ He felt the bite of a bullet once more, giving him a shock but barely stopping his ascent.

* * *

><p>The sixth floor was empty. It was too quiet, with only the bloody walls for company, carpet not even responding as he slinked around in search of the next stairwell.<p>

Instead of sound, the trade-off was smell; he'd never been so suffocated by the scent of death, not like this. Every room seemed to harbor its own personal smell: metallic and rusty and crusted with blood, sour and nauseating with feces. Fresh bodies only smelled if the owner lost bowel control when they died and the amount of blood involved. And yet, death still smelled sweet and sticky to a point.

It wasn't a smell someone forgot, it was the purest scent of nostalgia that left his insides raw. It smelled of Mana, it smelled of that basement beneath the Order, it smelled of the inevitable future six feet under and probably much deeper for him.

"Found you, Noah!" The silence snapped with the sound of innocence sparking and slicing into his arm. His skin went ashen, almost as if someone had smeared soot down his arm.

_Careless_, he thought while gripping his arm and waiting for the discoloration to fade. _I can't be sentimental now._

Turning on his heel would be too slow; he back flipped over the jab from a spear equipment type, and ducked upon landing as the weapon nearly went through his throat.

Activating his own innocence, he lunged close and forced the exorcist into defense rather than offense.

"Innocence?"

Allen sliced the man's side with the claw and winced when he saw pain cloud the other's face.

"How?" The exorcist gawked at Allen's arm, barely regaining his balance.

The staff twirled in the exorcist's hand and he expertly attacked, a stab that would've skewered an average opponent. Allen blocked it with his left arm, bright sparks flying and the spear diverging to the left, sweeping past Allen's side. The exorcist was wide open, and he ordered Crown Clown to strike.

The man was spitting blood, and Allen raised his leg, throwing a kick directly at his diaphragm and sending him straight into the wall. Blood oozed from the wounds, Allen's kick tearing him free from his masked innocence, and the spear dangled loosely in the exorcist's hand.

"You Noah," he talked as if he was spitting poison, "You'll never win."

The exorcist couldn't get up, but managed to hurl the spear at Allen's skull. Allen tilted his head right and let it brush the mask, blood soon staining the fabric and dripping down his jaw.

"It's not about winning anymore," Allen replied quietly as he stood over the exorcist.

A sudden rush flowed through his veins as he watched him struggle to crawl away, a hideous warmth that lit his bones on fire and burned his skin, smoke escaping through his fingertips. It would be easy to crush this worthless scum with one well-placed stomp. _Would blood and brains come out of his mouth?_

And then Allen flinched, wide-eyed, horrified and sick to his stomach. He ran.

_Running from whom_, he wondered, as he rounded corners and tried the doors.

"Coward! Finish the fight!" Was that voice in his head or the exorcist? He heard more shouting and felt his hand tremble on each handle, imagining the blood dripping from the man's wounds as if it were the wallpaper. Would a crack in the wall ooze black? Why was everything painted red, red, and red?

"Stop it, stop it, stop it," he hissed. _Who?_

"_Allen-"_

"Stop talking-" He stopped mid sentence and took a deep breath. That was Wisely's voice.

"_Are you," _a pause, one worried breath before finishing, _"okay?"_

He took a deep breath and tried another handle.

"Fine," he replied, clearing his throat. "I found the last stairwell."

It felt like years to climb up, and by the time he was at the top, his nerves hadn't settled. He opened his left eye and noticed there wasn't a soul on this floor. But Noah didn't have souls, long consumed by the Noah themselves.

"We managed to get Road in all the commotion you caused, but-"

"Don't wait on me, remember?" Allen said sternly and put his hand on the door. "You said so yourself."

"Right, we're moving out then. Road put a dream doorway on the stairwell below, so anyone who passes through is as good as dead."

"Thanks," he said regretfully. I will make sure to not waste anyone's death.

* * *

><p>"Allen Walker. No, Neah Campbell."<p>

He could only see the silhouette of the man, standing by the windows that spanned from the floor to the ceiling. It overlooked the entire city, making him feel much too large as he stood above the twinkling lights. But the room was black, a thick darkness that outmatched the basement.

A wire whirled past his cheek, ripping the earring out and leaving it in a glimmering puddle.

"My daughter doesn't like to hear you scream."

"Sheryl! It doesn't have to be like this!" Allen shouted back, barely dodging a spiderweb of barbed strings headed for his arm. He focused on the sound of disturbed air rather than sight to dodge.

There was one sight that stood out from the shadows; he would never forget was the madness in Sheryl's eyes, a pure insanity Allen was sure his eyes once held.

He activated his innocence and it began; he lost track of the threads in an instant, too many to count, turning the room into a web of razors. Within seconds, Sheryl was untouchable and Allen was trapped in a maze of blades.

"You are too fragile, Neah, to be picking a fight with me," Sheryl called out with a sickening endearment.

"It's Allen!"

"There's not a difference anymore," Sheryl replied, "You're just going to betray this family just as he did."

Allen fought his way through the web, cursing when new wires sliced through the darkness, ignoring the fabric of his clothes and ripping through.

_Crown Clown_, he thought,_ aim straight for his hand! _A white spire appeared from behind him and he heard Sheryl cry out, along with the connected wires snapping.

_Now all I need is to disable his other hand, and-_

"You think you've won't don't you?" He yelled while clutching his hand. "The thing is, Neah," he said his name as if there was mercury on his tongue-

"You were dead a long time ago."

Tiny, hair like fibers imbedded in his skin, his broad sword illuminating the marionette strings with a sickening gleam. When they had gotten there, he didn't know, but his muscles stiffened up and knees locked in place.

"This isn't even about you, Allen," Sheryl said softly, throwing him against the glass windows.

A shatter, a slam, a muffled scream. "Neah is the one who must pay for his betrayal."

"I'm not Neah!"

_Allen, you're going to die at this rate!_

"May I speak with him, please?" The sick politeness rivaled any serial killer's testimony.

"We can talk this through; there's no need to fight," Allen said, words dribbling down his cracked jaw like blood.

_He's past the point of rational thought, idiot. Just let me take over before the sadist comes out to play. You won't notice a thing._

"A shame, I hope you might reconsider." A hideous noise and a rush of frozen blood in his veins shot up his arm.

_What was that cracking noise? Allen?_

He asked himself the same question.

_Oh_, he thought dizzily, _staring at his hand out. That's just my finger, Neah. Didn't know it could bend that far back-_

He cried out when another finger snapped, pulled backwards by strings until it let out a deafening crunch.

"Stop!"

"I need to speak with Neah," Sheryl repeated with empty patience. "And I can keep this up all day."

Crack. Another crunch. _I can defeat him Allen. Let me handle it before it's too late!_

"He's listening, Sheryl! Don't-" Allen couldn't scream this time; his jaw wouldn't budge.

"I want you to feel the same pain I did, Neah! The feeling of betrayal-" Something snapped again and he bit right through his lip, hoping it wasn't his spine. Red, red, red, red spikes of pain traced his shoulders and clawed at his collarbones.

"The mortification of begging for death-"

This time Neah wasn't asking, but prying through the cracks in his bones, stealing whatever mental space Allen had left.

_No_, he thought weakly._ No, no, no-_

"The pain of watching your family die!"

It wasn't a crack this time, not the sound of bones exceeding their limits and splintering. It was the sound of a thousand pocket books opening at once, a sewing machine gone wrong, a head to toe tattoo. And then a splatter, like a popped water balloon, of red, red, red. His jaw managed to jar open so that he wouldn't choke on his own blood.

Neah was drumming in his ears, yelling, cursing, and trying to break through. _You're dying, dying, dying, Allen! _Painting the room such a lovely shade of red, red, red-

He couldn't feel anymore, the smell of iron and the color red were all that was left of his world, and a sickening grin came across his face.

"I don't need Neah's help to kill you," he said in a singsong tone.

His fingers were broken, but the pain that might've existed didn't register; there was a disconnect, a broken circuit somewhere in his skull. He clasped a handful of wires in his skin. They cut into his palm as if he grabbed a thorn bush, but he just grinned at Sheryl.

"You know," he strengthened his grip and blood dripped like a leaking faucet, "You leave yourself wide open when you attack. And just like these wires are in me, they are also in you."

He yanked the wires taut, and Sheryl was helplessly yanked forward as the puppet and the puppeteer switched roles. Before Sheryl could detach himself, Allen yelled for his sword, still left across the room. It whizzed through the air, spearing them both and lodging itself in the window.

Allen decided that Sheryl's screams were the best thing he'd heard all day.

"You just stabbed yourself, too!" He spat blood on Allen, who only laughed in amusement. He felt like a kid at the circus all over again.

"This sword isn't like regular innocence; it only purges evil like-"

_Like you?_

Everything went black. _Am I laughing or screaming?_ _Pain, pain, pain, black, blossoming spider lilies with petals full of poison, growing out of rotten soil in my stomach-_

It might've been Neah's consciousness to pull the sword out, but Allen was the one watching Sheryl writhe with agony on the floor.

"Don't look at me with such pleading eyes, Sheryl, it's below someone of your status. You know why no one has ever beaten you in a fight?"

He stood over him with a content expression, plunging his sword through his stomach without a second thought. "They can't stand the thought of getting anywhere near you." Then he joined him on the ground, crisscross applesauce, and frowned.

"Looks like I'll be needing that," he murmured, dissolving his sword back into his arm.

He drew the crosses on himself with a sharp claw, and then on Sheryl. The words came naturally now, a Hebrew chant that drew out the Noah, black smoke crawling from Sheryl's mouth, ears, nose, and the wounds on his arms. The smoke was acid pouring in his veins, slithering in his skin like venom and sealing up the wound as it settled in.

"Disgusting." Allen spat more blood and rubbed his split lip. Most of the blood on his face wasn't his own unfortunately, and he tried his best to scrape it off, only smearing the face paint and getting it crusted beneath his nails.

"You alive?" Sheryl didn't respond. He put an ear to his chest and felt the faint breaths, and two fingers to his neck proved his pulse.

A thought bubbled up. It was sudden, it was unprompted, and it was interesting._ Kill him._

He mulled over the dizzy fantasy in his mind. _Kill him, Allen._ The more he thought about it, the more sense it made. Watching the lights leave someone's eyes; there was nothing more special than that moment, like someone blowing out a candle.

And then he threw up, a hideous display of red and black.

"Fuck you, Neah," Allen yelled. Neah's voice vanished, but his words still echoed in Allen's mind.

He chose to focus on more pressing matters. There was no way he was escaping the city in this condition, especially with Sheryl's body in tow.

_Please have a key, please have a key….. _He was in luck; Sheryl had one of Road's keys in his pockets.

"Come on, Sheryl," Allen hissed, hooking his arms through his armpits and dragging the sorry body across the room. He was only standing by a miracle, focused on the idea that if he didn't act now, he wouldn't ever.

The door was finally close and Allen crawled the rest of the way. He dropped the key once, twice, with a trembling hand that refused to work.

Finally the doorway opened, and he cursed his broken fingers as they failed to respond.

Eventually he opted to push Sheryl's body through with a solid kick.

_The mission was complete, how do you like that, Neah? I didn't need you, you, red, red, red…_

_All I have to do is pass through, and I can go home, home, home..._

* * *

><p>The ceiling hadn't changed in the last hour, except for the splatters of bright paint from the storm outside. It seemed as if the storm was trying to paint a shitty rendition of starry night, with him as the fire, he supposed. He didn't know a thing about art and had no idea what kind of stupid metaphor his brain was trying to put together.<p>

The boredom was really starting to get to him.

His phone was next to his ear, taunting him with a daunting silence. It was half caught up in his messy hair, and he brushed his wrist in search of the hair tie. Only the cold bony skin of his wrist answered.

That's right: Allen always freed his hair before they slept, since Kanda still hadn't learned how to take it out without pulling half of his scalp along with it. And then he slept with the tie on his wrist, but he hadn't given it back since the other night. Fantastic.

He glanced at the phone next to his ear, and considered calling Allen, saying, _Hey bastard, I need that hair tie. _

But that wasn't what he wanted to say, no, Lavi's words were still an annoying, constant reminder that he might've fucked up.

It didn't matter, either way; there wasn't any cell service in this damn storm. He tossed the phone aside.

It landed on the floor with a deafening thud, nothing like the clattering sound a phone would make, but more reminiscent of a dead body hitting concrete.

He sat up and blinked a couple of times. There, sprawled out on his floor, was a bloody, hooded figure. The moon decided to give no insight as to the features of the intruder, leaving Kanda only with the adrenaline rush of uncertainty.

He rushed for the katana propped against the nightstand.

"Stand up and show me your face!" The blade glinted in the lightning outside, pressed against the intruder's throat. "Now!"

They sat up, pulled up the mask enough to free their mouth, and promptly spat blood. Kanda bent down and pulled the mask and hood up in one fluid moment.

And then he wished he hadn't.

"Beansprout?" Allen didn't respond and wiped his mouth off, flicking his wrist.

"BaKanda," he countered, more of a confirmation than a question.

"How did I," Allen's eyes widened as he looked around, "but how-"

"How the fuck did you get in here?" Kanda finished, placing Mugen aside.

"I went through Road's doorway, but I guess when I thought of home," Allen stopped talking with an annoyed expression that Kanda only recognized on the face of someone who had just heard a terrible pun, or maybe a cliché one-liner. "Shit. "

He started coughing again, a hideous painful sound that sent him into a wheezing fit.

"What the fuck happened to you?" Kanda finally said, looking him over.

Allen ignored him. "Don't worry about it. Got a phone I can borrow?"

"What do you mean, don't worry about it? You showed up out of nowhere and you're bleeding to god damn-"

"I remember someone telling me to die, so I really don't understand what you're so upset about," Allen snapped."You should be happy for me."

Kanda glared but didn't respond, grabbing his phone and slapping it in Allen's right hand. The phone hit the ground seconds later, and Allen's eyes whimpering in pain but his lips zipped shut.

There was something wrong, definitely wrong, with that right hand of his, but now Allen was protectively clutching it.

"Let me see." Allen shook his head and glared. Kanda grabbed at his wrist and jerked his hand closer. His jaw dropped a little, between the torn palm and dislocated fingers. He didn't know an index finger _could_ bend like that.

"Is every part of you broken!?"

"Let go!"

And Allen was dialing again with a fierce determination, but his arm locked up and the phone fell.

"There's not any service, anyway, idiot. 'Hasn't been for the last couple of hours." Kanda left him and sifted through a kitchen cabinet, filling a glass before coming back.

"Here" Allen didn't argue, and the pills went down while the glass went up.

"Beansprout, I didn't really mean for you to go out and get yourself killed."

He folded his arms across his chest. "Then what did you mean, bastard? Don't be so conceited as to think _everything_ has to do with you, either."

No insults were coming to mind._ I don't know why I said any of that, Allen. Maybe I still can't draw the line between the past and the present. _

"It just seemed easier to tell you to fuck off rather than," he stopped.

"Rather than what?"

Kanda mulled over it for a moment, with that look in his eyes that he knew what to say but not how to say it. He disappeared into the kitchen, grabbed some ice, and carefully laid it on Allen's hand.

"It's difficult to put together what you think all the time, Kanda," Allen muttered. "These vague statements don't help in the slightest."

"Same to you." Allen scoffed at the comment and focused on his hand once more, wincing as he popped a finger back in place.

"I'm walking then," he said nonchalantly, and sauntered over to the door.

"The dorms are locked up because of the flood warning. You won't even make it off this floor."

"They can't just lock you all in here."

"Go try the hall door, if you're that fucking skeptical," Kanda muttered, watching Allen roll his eyes along with his hips as he left.

* * *

><p>"Fuck!"<p>

He was _beyond_ frustrated, stewing over his hand while glowering at the door that mocked him. Picking a lock? Easy enough, with two hands. But in the emergency lit fumbling darkness with hamburger meat for a right hand, he was going nowhere fast. Plus, it was hard to pick which of the four doors his swirling vision wasn't creating. The slow, losing battle of becoming less and less human had its perks, seeing as he'd lost the Red Sea's worth of blood and still on two feet. Five minutes from now, however, his body might just log off and try to put itself back together.

God, was Wisely going to have a laugh at him. Which led him to wonder if Sheryl made it back in one piece.

"What are you doing out here?"

Over his shoulder was a boy he didn't know the name of, but recognized that scowl anywhere. It was Kanda's only neighbor on the hall, one that probably didn't know Allen's name, but sure as hell knew who he was.

"I got caught over here, when the dorms locked, you see," Allen said with a nervous laugh. "Any idea how to get this open?"

"It's flooding out there, and that's locked." He said dumbly. "You're stuck."

Allen's eyebrow was twitching, and his fingers would be, too, if he could move them. The anger was going to melt his skin right off. "But you see-"

"Why are you covered in blood? And what's with the outfit?"

Allen took a moment to admire his bloodstained and torn up outfit.

"I'm in the school play."

They stared each other down.

"And I need to get back to my dorm to change," Allen said with an endearing smile, trying not to let the corners of his mouth fishhook.

The boy rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever. You're not getting off this floor tonight, so shut the fuck up and deal with it."

Allen watched him go, the boy's heavy steps beneath dragging sweatpants swishing on the carpet, with a stifled resentment he couldn't quite place.

His resolve to escape was definitely withering, but there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that he was going to crying back to Kanda's room. No he'd rather sit in front of this door and wait for the lights to come back on, which was slowly becoming a reality.

Just as one door shut, another opened. Allen refused to turn around and pretended as if he were standing in line to get coffee, with that forced oblivious look people mastered when they waited in lines. "Have you given up yet?"

Why did that condescending voice grate on his nerves like nails on a chalkboard? Why did that stupid key have to drop him off here, of all the hellholes on this damn planet?

"Bean-"

"Kanda!" Allen snapped, stifling himself before falling into a royal temper tantrum. The backs of his eyes were aflame with both the overheated strain of no sleep and irritation. "Please and kindly piss off. With a cherry on top."

"Now you're just acting childish."

"I am _not_ acting childish! The last time I talked to you; do you recall the conversation? Because I-" Thunder shook the entire building and cut him off.

"Because I sure do, Kanda. Now if you would, please," his mouth twisted into some shade of warped curve, "_pretty please_, fuck off."

Kanda was amused. He was amused, that smug bastard; Allen was seeing those red halls again. Neah was knocking at the back door, no doubt fueling the fire; Allen didn't care.

"What are you going to do, sleep in the hall?"

He didn't want to argue anymore, with a jaw aching like he'd cracked a jawbreaker in his molars. "Leave me alone."

"Or what?"

"Or what? Really?" Allen mimicked in a shrill tone. "Now who's acting childish?"

"You're the only upset five-year old I see on this floor."

Blood ripped through his veins and the night caught up with him again, Neah whispering sweet nothings in his ear and funneling the rage until it was just the rawness left over, a pure and empty power no longer burning his throat but bubbling in the bottom of his stomach.

He opened his mouth with words climbing out of his throat up a spiral staircase, but before he could utter a noise the door down the hall flew open.

"What the fuck is you two's problem?!"

"What's yours?" Allen replied innocently.

"If you two don't shut the hell up now, I'll knock that door down myself and kick your ass out!"

Allen waved at the door with a gentleman's gesture. "By all means, go ahead." The door slammed shut once again.

"Hey, beansprout."

Allen barely glanced over before Kanda's hand grazed Allen's jaw line and leaned in, kissing him gingerly as if he expected him to bite back. He couldn't say that he didn't consider it, with acid still dripping from his teeth, but he opted to close the gap with a rough embrace.

"Is that your best attempt at an apology?" Allen murmured once he drew away. "And quit fucking calling me that!"

They kissed again, tongues stinging with electricity and eyes sparking like the cut cables severed by razor leaves. The heat of the storm brushed on the pavement of their cheeks, his fingers as a sudden downpour, chilling and killing with tiny pins dancing on the curve of his spine.

They were creating a tornado between their lips, a short-lived, destructive storm that left only ravaged fields, desolate scraps of houses and a hideous cry from the lovers stolen by the wind. But wasn't it breathtaking, terrifying, even?

Allen cursed the whirlwind in his stomach and pulled away, still unsure how he could still be a blushing and flustered mess after all this time.

"I'm sorry, Allen." Kanda's ocean floor eyes seemed so sincere, with words that for once, matched what he was thinking.

"Excuse me? A little louder, so the whole class can hear," Allen murmured, a wry smirk appearing as Kanda's eyes narrowed.

"I still really fucking hate you," he added surly.

"I never said I didn't, either," Allen replied.

"Explain it to me," Kanda said suddenly. "This stupid thing you have planned."

This might have been the first time Allen noticed it; Kanda had a captivating, almost possessive look to his eyes when he focused on Allen. It might have always been there.

Maybe, just maybe, they were getting somewhere.

"Fine, but can I please borrow some clothes? These are dreadful, and I need to figure out how to get them dry cleaned."

"Dry cleaned?"

"I promised someone I wouldn't get blood on them."

* * *

><p><strong>It's been what, three weeks? Four? I only have a hollow and rather depressed apology, because I think I rewrote each scene two different times before angrily settling on this. There's fifteen thousand words for this chapter in my docs and only 6K to show for it. And by settled, I mean am forcing myself to post this before I spend another month stewing over it. I am iffy with it (something is off...either that, or I've stared at it for too long now and can't tell anymore.) and I hope it wasn't too terrible. Anyway, I hit 100 favs and that's so amazing; thank you guys so much! All the reviews are really what get me through these tough writes. Even the fact that you're reading this is rad. Basically you're all really fucking awesome, and I'm hoping to get back on track with updates.<strong>

**Till next time!**


	29. Everything But The Kitchen Sink

Allen was still angry, but it was that kind of anger you had to give up on before it drove you mad.

"Here," Kanda mumbled, handing Allen the ice.

Allen graciously accepted the bag and laid down on the couch in a pathetic heap. His hand looked like a semi-crazed spider, and he hid it beneath the ice and away from him.

"You'd think the man would've just killed me rather than snap all my fingers," Allen muttered. "Or pull fingernails."

"Who?" He barely masked his concern behind a thin film of indifference.

Who, exactly? Allen pondered over the many levels of honesty. "Sheryl."

Kanda sat down on the couch next to Allen, slightly keeping his distance in distaste. "Why are you fighting with the Noah? I thought you were working with them."

"What are you actually doing, Allen?"

He hadn't the slightest clue. "I'm not working for them. I don't know if you've noticed, but the Noah are all falling apart. So I'm taking care of it." He added quietly, "I don't know why they are even going through with this plan, but maybe they're just scared."

"Scared? Even you aren't naïve enough to believe that's the only reason. They're murderers. Nothing will change that," Kanda muttered.

"It's not like I don't know _that_. But if their goal is to destroy innocence, what is left for them after? Being reincarnated until consumed by madness; it's not much a future. Is it naive to think they might just," Allen had a sad smile, "want to live like humans?"

Kanda scoffed. "It definitely is, idiot. They are using you, in one way or another. How do you even plan to find the Heart?"

Allen tapped his index finger on his bottom lip. "That's complicated."

"Complicated? You know what, Allen? Nobody asked you to do this, ending up as a bloody corpse for some war you shouldn't be involved in. What gives you the right to decide the future of innocence?"

"It doesn't have a future, that's why."

Kanda frowned at the blanket statement. "Are you about to give me the cliché, it's hurting people, speech? And what's going to happen to you, exactly?"

"But it is." A long pause. "And I don't know."

A crack of thunder swallowed Kanda's bitter muttering. "You seem to know everything else."

"Not really," Allen admitted.

"So that's it then?" Kanda stood up.

"So what's what?"

"In a week or so, you'll be gone, right? Allen," he started to swiftly sort through the wardrobe, "I'm not good at pretending I don't fucking care anymore. I do. And I really think-"

"Kanda." Allen walked over and decided he wanted to say it; they hadn't the time for petty arguments or sealed lips.

His hand caught on the whining coathangers and he looked Allen in the eyes with a captivating mix of both hopefulness and complete despair. Kanda spoke first, catching him off guard with a hoarse and unsteady voice.

"I think I love you."

It wasn't a spit-take moment, and the music didn't pick up. The words split the sky and made his heart beat like the rain battering the roof.

"I know that I love you, Kanda," Allen softly murmured, his tone mimicking the tiny footfalls of the rain.

"I love you Allen," Kanda repeated for emphasis, "but I don't know if I'm supposed to help you with this suicide mission or stop you."

"You aren't supposed to do anything. All I need is for you to trust me."

"Why did you have to do this? You could've just-"

"Yes, I could've just kept running from Neah for a good ten, maybe fifteen, years before going mad. I won't lie; I wanted to do that. But I can't watch it all fall apart when there is something I could do."

Kanda handed Allen some clothes. "I know."

Allen didn't bother to shut the bathroom door and struggled out of Jasdero's ruined clothes. They still smelled nice, though. He slid into the sweatpants and grimaced when they did not hide his marred black discoloration now climbed down his hips with dark gnarly fingers.

Kanda knocked on the door frame but didn't stop before entering, his feet halting soon after.

"It doesn't matter how hard you stare, it doesn't fade." Allen sighed. "I've already tried that."

"The same thing is happening to Lenalee, so I wanted to ask-"

"I beg your pardon?" Allen choked out.

"Yeah, a strange circular pattern near her ankles. It's not as bad as whatever the hell is happening to you, though," Kanda replied. "What is it?"

Allen didn't turn to look at him, but started talking to no one in general.

"Did you know," Allen's dark hand trailed down his pale cheek, "that the Heart of Innocence doesn't exist, at least not at the moment?"

Kanda raised an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It turns out that the lucky winner of the special parasitic innocence reacts with it. Then, the person is consumed by their innocence. Isn't that just," Allen stopped when he started to tear up. "Isn't that a grotesque story?"

Kanda didn't speak; he didn't need to even if he could. The only response he could muster was to bring Allen in close and wrap his arms around the trembling frame.

Allen hadn't allowed himself to think about the end result before, to let his mind wander into the murky territory. Death was closing in, and he couldn't turn a blind eye anymore. He was terrified.

"She'll be fine," he mumbled into Kanda's chest.

"Because you're going to die before her innocence develops to the point of yours, right?"

No response. Allen escaped his embrace and threw a shirt on and stared at the mirror once more, glaring at his reflection.

_You're going to die, Allen. You can't hide anymore…_ His hands trembled as he absentmindedly brushed his cheek with black fingertips. _Die, you're going to…. _

"Come on, don't look at yourself like that." Kanda practically dragged Allen out of the bathroom.

* * *

><p>"You can have five minutes to cry, but after that I don't want to hear it. This is partly your fault at this point," He muttered, sitting Allen down on the bed.<p>

"I'm not going to cry."

"You look like you are."

Allen glared. "Well I'm not going to."

"Are you sure?"

"I said I wasnt-" Allen was scowling now, more in embarrassment than anger. "Stop grinning at me! This isn't funny!"

Kanda slipped out of his boots and sat down on the bed with his back resting against the wall. "You're right, it's not funny, but getting a rise out of you is."

"I hate you," Allen muttered, adding on a string of insults under his breath. "Aren't you supposed to comfort me in my time of need, you arse?"

"Do you want me to tell you everything's okay? It obviously isn't."

"You're really bad at this."

"Well what am I supposed to do?"

"Just talk, I guess, even if it's about nothing." Allen fell back in the bed and settled against Kanda, head falling into the crook of his neck and a small smile when Kanda sighed.

He remembered the first time Allen had said that.

"Your hair has gotten long," Kanda murmured, twisting one of the white locks brushing his shoulders. "if you aren't going to cut it, you need to invest in some conditioner."

"So do you," Allen pulled the soft, straw-like hair, "Why, it's almost past your shoulders!"

Kanda ran his hand over his wrist and scowled when he remembered Allen had the hair tie; Allen, who was currently trying his best to tie back the loose, white strands. The band was between his teeth for a few moments as he fussed with it one-handed, and then successfully pulled it up.

"You never gave that back."

"It's nice. I might keep it," Allen said with a wink and a charming slip of a smile. "Where'd you get it?"

Kanda pursed his lips. "It was a friend's." After a couple of moments, Allen's face fell in sullen recognition and he attempted to pull his hair loose.

"I didn't-"

"It's fine."

Allen pulled his hand away slowly, knowing it would only make it worse if he continued to mess with the tie.

"Well, I think anyone who could put up with someone as hideously dry as you is someone I'd like to get to know."

Kanda didn't quite understand what he was getting at, but Allen softly continued, "Tell me about her, at the very least."

_Oh, that someone._ He didn't know how to talk about her. He didn't want to. _Did he?_ A small part of him did want to say something, anything, to prove that she once existed. The only one who could vouch that a blonde girl lived up the street was Lavi, and that didn't seem like enough.

_What could I say that would be enough?_ Allen would never understand the warmth of her breath, the smear of lotus and mud on her cheeks, or the sunlit strands of her coarse hair.

But maybe that was okay.

His first words were stuttered and loosely attached phrases, but Allen didn't seem to mind. It didn't matter what he really said, and the little stories seemed pointless, but everything felt a little less heavy when it came out of his mouth instead of boiling in his stomach.

Allen reached for his hand when he suddenly stopped talking and squeezed it tightly.

She didn't deserve to be some dark secret, at least not to Allen. Alma was, in both life and death, someone he loved, even when she stained the garden and flowers with a rich red; even when the sky had turned upside down and swallowed them both. There wasn't a blacker night than that one, as if the moon reared its head to look away from the pitiful sight of two spilling with wounds like starlight. Her death belonged to him alone, but her life did not.

Regardless, Kanda continued to talk until Allen was drifting off, smiling slightly as Kanda ran his hand through his hair.

Allen wasn't going to know her, wouldn't know her from any other stranger on the street, but there was some unspoken burden he'd stolen. Stolen because he definitely hadn't asked to take that weight, or had he?

* * *

><p>He woke up, alone, staring off into a barren world. Up was black. Down was white.<p>

The moon threatened to crush him, touchably close with craters that glared like hollow eye sockets. His feet were firmly planted on the ground according to his eyes, but there was no warmth from the slippery white floor. Only a numb silence filled in the spaces the falling snow did not.

_This is a dream, isn't it?_

He held out his hand and watched a snowflake land in his palm. It turned to ebony sand and slipped through his fingers, grains hitting the ground with tinkering chimes.

Allen began to walk in no certain direction, with the moon's eyes on his back. Gnarled and snarling black trees shot up from the snow, threatening to tangle their roots around his feet if he stopped. But really, they were just indifferent branching spires; nothing moved or shook or spoke except for the silent snowfall. There was still the haunting feeling that everything was alive here, the trees and snow and sky breathing heavy and rough like they was fast asleep with a high fever.

He could see it now, an iridescent lake just on the horizon with rosary headstones beading the path. When he made it to the craggy shore, he stopped and leaned over the edge. The moon's reflection inked the ivory water's surface, looking away with black indifference. This lake was a mirror, but he could not see his own reflection in the water. Only a murky shadow answered.

_Is that supposed to be me?_

A wispy grin surfaced where his own mouth should have been with jagged teeth and harsh black holes bored above them. It was a hideous doll, captivating in its crooked innocence and beckoning for interaction. He reached out his hand.

The water's surface turned to ice when his fingertips glazed the surface, spiderwebbing in every direction like a smashed windshield. He fell in.

* * *

><p>A shuddering crack of thunder, the shutters beating against the windows, the power flickering for the last time. Allen knew where he was now. He was in the old house, on the old, weather-worn night. The night where it all fell apart.<p>

He walked through a black tunnel, listening to the rain and storm and faint wisps of the argument. This dream reoccured often, as if he was missing something from that night, something he desperately wanted. However, he never made it out of the tunnel in time, lost in the symphony shattered glass and sour wine.

This time he ran, hoping to catch a glimpse of the stubborn dream. _Why, why, why was he always too late? Why did he keep coming back here?_

His feet clicked on the dusky floor and he could see the living room, the two figures arguing on the stairs. He heard his own voice speaking of Mana in that bitter tone as if he knew him at all.

The crescendo of the dream passed; this was when his memory went black in all meanings of the word. But the dream wasn't out of film, and he was still staring at the scene. Maybe this what Neah remembered-he was already in Allen, watching silently on this night.

Cross drew the marks on Allen's arms, the jagged incisions that now were common practice to him. The chant escaped his lips and Allen could barely hear it, but he was too afraid to move closer.

Allen understood what he was missing then. _What was Cross trying to do on this night? If not to put Neah inside him, then who?_

In the palm of an outstretched hand, a prismatic sphere formed, slowly illuminating the room and reflecting the light it absorbed in bands of color. The orb danced against his skin, reminding him of spun glass, or maybe even a jellyfish.

He remembered it. He'd seen it on the night when Mana had died.

"That's mine," he gasped.

Cross scanned the room when the words escaped from Allen's lips, almost as if his dreamlike self had interacted with the surreal memory.

No, Cross hadn't been looking at him; there was someone else in the room on this night, a stranger who thrust open the front door with an umbrella yawning against his shoulder and a top hat to boot. Cross and the man began to argue, mouthing words Allen couldn't hear over the howling of the storm outside.

The floorboards were peeling and the darkness returned to ferry him back to reality. A screeching blackness tore at the corners of his vision, swallowing approaching the argument and his sparking soul. _Wait!_ his brain screamed. _Wait, wait, wait-_

His last glimpse of the room was a dark, clown-like figure standing over his collapsed figure, and his soul burning out and disappearing just as quickly as it arrived.

_Mana?_

The clown figure looked him in the eyes, not his body in the memory but his body, the intruder in the memory, and waved.

The room shattered and he was drowning in thick sludge, lost somewhere in that water back in the black and white world.

* * *

><p>Neah snapped open his golden eyes, well, as close to his own eyes as they could possibly be. Allen had fallen down the rabbit hole and was lost somewhere in his memories, but Neah didn't mind. <em>Good. He needs a rest, anyway. <em>

Sitting up, he realized Allen had gotten himself tangled up with his sleeping partner and it was no easy task maneuvering without waking the other up. Neah finally separated himself and swung his feet over the side of the bed, rolling his shoulders until he heard a satisfying crack. What caused him to wake up so early, again?

Knock knock. "Kanda Yuu! This is the second time: we're checking every room for leaks, bumps, and cracks! Well, mostly leaks and plumbing issues!" Someone on the other side of the door mumbled that the speaker should be more professional.

They continued knocking and Neah muttered, "_Quoth the Raven, Nevermore,_ you bastards."

"Hey, you," Neah said, elbowing the blanket covered lump. "Get up."

No response.

"Hey!" Neah hissed again.

He grabbed the other's shoulder and received a half-asleep, "Fuck you."

"Love you too, sweetie," Neah muttered sarcastically.

More knocking. He rubbed his eyes and then stopped suddenly when he realized Allen was definitely not supposed to be in here.

"Kanda!" Neah said again, glancing at the door. Kanda rolled over and pulled the blanket over his head, saying something incoherent but most likely rude.

"_This is your last warning! We have keys, you know. At least put some clothes on." _More arguing about being professional followed.

Neah stood up and brought a hand up to his chin, trying to decide the best place to hide. These "plumbing issues" always turned out to be drug busts; he wouldn't be surprised if that miffed neighbor of his tattle-tailed on something smelling strange next door.

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed a rather obvious katana, on the kitchen counter, and picked it up while eyeing the person on the bed.

"We don't want them finding this, right?" Neah said while waving it.

There wasn't a response, and he rolled his eyes. He would never understand why, exactly, Allen was so stuck on Kanda, but all that annoyance only made him seem like a disapproving parent. He honestly wanted nothing to do with it and found himself disappearing when the two were hanging out.

The doorknob began to shake and Neah cursed. He had to hide.

* * *

><p>"Kanda!"<p>

"Oh, fuck off already, Al-" Kanda opened his eyes and looked up. That wasn't Allen, no, it was Komui's nervous smile glancing over the edge of his bed.

"What are the fuck are you doing in here?"

"You're a heavy sleeper, aren't you?" Komui patted him on the head and instantly retracted his hand. "We're going around checking for things."

"Things?" Kanda repeated. He sat up and glanced around the room; something was missing.

"Leaks," another man said while looking around.

"I would've called you if there was a leak," Kanda replied while glaring.

"Can never be too careful with this storm, hmm? Can you go out in the hall while we check for the, uhm,"

"The leaks," Kanda finished while rolling his eyes. "Right."

Wait. He looked around with a sudden urgency, because something wasn't missing, but _someone_ was. The bathroom door was sealed, and someone was looking in his wardrobe (for leaks?). Allen was doomed if he shut himself in that bathroom, but where else was there to go?

"Something wrong?"

"No," he muttered and stalked to the entrance of the dorm. "You have a better chance of finding drugs in the guy down the hall's room, not mine."

They didn't respond and continued searching, eventually with Komui in front of the bathroom.

"Is this really necessary?" Kanda complained loudly.

"We just want to make sure that this school," Kanda clenched his fists when the door handle turned, "is the proper learning environment for students."

He flinched when the door handle turned and waited to see Allen standing in the doorway, sputtering some excuse and then making a break for it. Komui opened the door and peered in. _Three, two, one..._

Komui thrifted through the bathroom and Kanda almost wanted a look inside, wondering if Allen hid in the shower. No, he heard the screeching rings as the shower curtain was pulled back, followed by rummaging through the cabinet. _Leaks, huh? _

Komui smiled sheepishly in Kanda's direction when he walked out. "Did you find the goddamn leak in the cabinet?"

"We're trying to make this as painless as possible, alright? It's not like you're the first person on this floor to get searched," the assistant said in the exasperated, _shut-the-hell-up_ tone most of the staff used around him.

"Is the door to the stairs still locked?" Kanda asked as he looked around the empty hall.

"Yes," Komui walked into the kitchen and opened a few cabinets, "why?"

He didn't respond and walked back in the room, assuming he was clear. _Where the hell did you go, then?_

The pair headed over to the door, and Kanda crossed them to get a drink. The second he flipped the sink on, a pipe beneath clanged like someone had just hit the last note on an xylophone. He almost bent down to open the cabinet to check what was wrong. Almost.

Komui and the other glanced in his direction. "Everything okay?"

"I stubbed my toe," Kanda said with a fake cough, "get out already."

"Right. Good day." The door closed carefully behind the pair.

A silence fell over the room until Kanda finally asked, "Did you really hide under the sink? Really?"

There was another bang on the pipe followed by a muffled voice. "_Shut up and help me out!"_

"I knew you were short, beansprout," Kanda bent down while smirking, "but this is-"

The cabinet door opened and one stewing Allen was crunched in the cabinet space like a magician's assistant hiding in a bottomless box.

"Bloody hell, they sure took their time looking for your stash," Allen muttered through an embarrassed blush.

"What?"

"I think," he tried to move his arm and whacked it on the plumbing, "I'm stuck."

Kanda didn't mean to, but he started laughing at the sorry state of Allen's contortionist-act gone sour. Allen opened his mouth to protest but started laughing, too.

"Come on," Kanda said, grabbing his hand and tugging.

"Hey! I'm not a sack of flour!"

Despite his protests and curses, Allen was nearly dislodged from the wooden prison. However, Kanda heard his room door squeak open and slammed the cabinet shut without a second thought.

"What!?" He yelled, glaring at Komui in the entrance.

"I forgot this," he said timidly, grabbing the clipboard from the kitchen counter. "Have a nice day!"

Kanda glared until the door slipped shut. This time, he went and locked it before coming back to open the cabinet.

"_Wait a hot second, I've almost got it-"_

Kanda pulled the cabinet open just as Allen pushed it open, and Allen yelped while not-so-gracefully spilling out on top of him. His back hit the kitchen floor and Allen ended up on top, straddling him with his face only inches away from the other.

"I got out," Allen said nervously, breaking the silence.

"I can see that," Kanda deadpanned as he stared up at the other.

"Here's your sword, then," he added, placing it on the ground next to Kanda's side.

_When did that go missing?_ Kanda barely took notice of the sword. Allen, with that rose dusting on his cheek and his lips only a breath away, was asking to be kissed. Before he could, however, Allen maneuvered off him and stood up.

"Are there any spiders on me? No, don't answer that," Allen mumbled while dusting himself off. "Here, let me help you up."

"Allen-"

"Make it quick," Allen replied, breezing past him, "I have places to go and people to see."

Allen wasn't acting like himself, with the strange airy footsteps and awkward speech.

"Come here a second, beansprout."

"I can hear you just fine from over here," Allen replied, washing his face in the bathroom.

Just before Kanda could grab him, Allen slipped from his fingers and sauntered over to the window, flipping up the blinds. "Not raining yet, but it sure as hell is about to." He shot a look over at Kanda and smirked. "Didn't God promise Noah he wasn't going to flood the world again? He must be pretty miffed at us, hmm?"

Allen immediately corrected with new wrinkles forming between his brows. "I'm sorry, that was a strange thing to say."

"Allen," Kanda started again and almost got a hold of him, but he swerved beneath his grasp flawlessly.

"Don't I usually leave-oh, there they are." He picked up a pair of old sneakers and hopped to slip them on. "Jas is going to kill Allen about these clothes, but what can you do?"

"Did you just refer to yourself in third person?"

Allen stopped, looking confused. "I guess I didn't get enough sleep." A fake laugh.

"Well, I really must be going." Kanda managed to catch him by the wrist, and Allen did stop this time.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing, I'm just in a bit of a-"

"Allen, face me," Kanda said, twisting him around.

Allen kept his eyes on the floor, but brightly answered, "You need something?"

Kanda lifted Allen's chin up and noticed he still had his eyes half slit.

"Open them."

Two golden eyes fluttered open, innocent and unwavering even as Kanda glared back. Allen, or Neah, depending how you looked at it, turned his head away. "Ten points for you, figuring it out so quick."

"Give him back his body right now or I swear I'll fucking-"

"Kanda, Kanda, Kanda, you don't want me to do that," Neah said, pushing him away with two fingers.

"Why the fuck not?"

"We both want the same thing, you see. A happy, alive Allen and a bunch of dead Noah, right? Maybe the Earl crucified in the park, wouldn't that be," he stopped with nervous laughter. "What I'm saying is we don't have to go down Allen's crazy road. I know he has something planned, but I'm not allowed to see. He shuts down when I pry in places, you see. At any rate, I can fix this."

"And what makes you think I'll believe you?"

"My life is on the line. I'm desperate," Neah gave a pouty smile, "besides, Allen is a cute kid. None of this was supposed to happen, really. How about you tag along and keep tabs on me? Allen will be back before you know it."

Kanda didn't want to trust him-didn't trust him-but holding him down until Allen forced his way back could take hours. What had Neah done wrong, anyway? Killing Noah wasn't exactly taboo in his book.

"You're considering it!"

"I'm not considering anything!"

"At least take me to see Miss Lee. Or use your phone."

"Why do you need to talk to Lenalee?"

Neah sat down with a sigh. "I'm assuming she was the original Heart, and I want to see what's going on. This is a royal mess."

"What do you mean, Original Heart?"

"This innocence," Neah held up his arm, "this was mine. Oh, shut your mouth, you'll catch flies. Anyway, when I had the innocence, it wasn't all creepy like this, because it wasn't the Heart. So, I ask you, why is it doing this now?"

"It's because of Allen, right?"

"Bingo. Granted, Allen is an extraordinary host, but he's no Heart. If I had to call it anything, it'd be an Artificial Heart. The Order did this to him, and I'd be willing to bet money on that. Those bastards are probably patting themselves on the back right now, maybe going out for Sunday drinks. But Miss Lee is our Original Heart, or so I think. I'd have to see the Innocence."

"What does it matter who was supposed to be the Heart? Allen's still going to be the dead one," Kanda muttered.

He rested his chin on his hands. "Not if I stop it. Hey, do you have service?"

Neah grabbed the phone from the nightstand and smiled. "Wisely is going to be tickled pink to hear from Allen."

Kanda grabbed his wrist and Neah looked back with confusion. "What?"

"When did I ever say I would help you? I don't give a fuck if you've got some miracle shoved up your ass-I'll pick Allen over any garbage you have to say."

Neah shook his wrist free and glared, his eyes filled with the same honeyed insanity that seemed to cause cavities in his skull. That was really the only reason he didn't trust Neah; his eyes were amber, fossilizing death and hatred and an impossible darkness. "You're making an enemy out of the wrong person."

Kanda had to look away from the other's eyes. "Fuck off already!"

When he looked back up, Allen's eyelashes were fluttering like silver wings and a terrified paleness crept up from his neck.

"Is this the first time he's-"

There were only rare occasions when Allen's poker face wavered, and even Kanda wasn't sure if what he saw was a hallucination. There was a moment of blackness under his skin, so unholy that not even a death row inmate could imitate his emptiness.

And then it was gone, leaving only a quiet sadness behind. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize."

Allen's eyes seemed to scream, _Don't apologize? For christ's sake, what else am I supposed to do? _

But he only answered, "I need to go." He walked towards the door with a seemingly endless ebony train, maybe of a bride's wedding gown when she's been married off without a say in the matter.

"It's not like this is the last time we'll see each other." Allen looked over his shoulder and struggled to pull the hair tie from the tangled mess. When his hair was freed, he brushed the locks back, pulling the black lace veil up and revealing the dark eyes of a woman who has cried off all her make up and left black, caked tears. But they was smiling through it all, and it was true that someone still looked breathtaking on their wedding day no matter what happened.

"That better not be your idea of a sick joke."

"It's not. Besides, it's not like were some married couple stuck so far up each other's asses that we can't do our own things. Right?"

_You're right, we aren't a married couple because you're already engaged with Death and I'm the idiot who didn't realize I loved you until it was much too late. And it's happening again, as if Alma's face was under the veil too. Again, again, again..._

"You could at least kiss me goodbye and try not to look so glum."

Kanda came over and brushed his cheek, once again realizing just how short he was especially in flat-footed sneakers. An urge to cry was suddenly overwhelming, but everyone knew that wasn't something Kanda Yuu did. Because everyone wanted to shove others into predictable boxes, and, for some reason, Kanda Yuu always seemed to fit into the emotionless asshole one.

While Kanda spaced out, Allen got on his toes and lightly pressed his lips against Kanda's own. He kissed back and fought off that warm, half-drunk feeling Allen gave him.

They parted and Allen opened the door, stopping when the opening was merely a black void rather than the stuffy hall. A small arm with polished and sharp fingernails pulled Allen right through, and the door zipped shut, taking the noise of Allen's cry and the others voice with it. That was Road's voice, wasn't it?

Kanda grabbed for the handle and snagged it open but the opening only led into the hall.

* * *

><p>The streets were sewers now, swirling with a mix of dirt and grime that was hugging his ankles. The soles and laces of his boots were missing in the flow of water, lost to the world until he reached higher ground. No one was around, and no cars attempted to cross the flooded streets; this town was full of ghosts snapped shut in their apartments or houses. Many people found that they couldn't hide forever though, and the waterlogged salt boxes on the poorer side of town were nothing more than soiled cardboard.<p>

This storm was no longer a weather anomaly or a cheap joke; people were dying. They were homeless and they were dying and they were starving. It wasn't just in this shitty town; the weather was unholy everywhere. Europe's horrible attempts as drainage systems were coming back to haunt them and flash-floods were the top headline in any eastern country with too much dirt.

_But what the fuck were you supposed to do about bad weather?_ He crossed a soggy alley and his boots slapped the water's surface.

Neah's words were digging into his brain and he stopped, splashing water as his boots slowed.

"_Didn't God promise Noah he wasn't going to flood the world again? He must be pretty miffed at us, hmm?"_

He didn't pretend to be any form of religious; he hadn't the time or interest. But if there was an omnipresent God scrutinizing their every move, what was the point of the Noah and Innocence? Were they a petty chess game meant to fill a handful of centuries of boredom?

Worse, was this God one to scrap the board if he found a cheater, someone willing to bend the rules and cause a draw?

The dim bar was still the only route into the base in the outskirts of town, a setup they'd soon have to abandon. He looked around for a passersby and found no one. _The Noah have given up, the Order is in shambles, and Allen…._

Allen had, quite literally, cheated and broken the endless draw between Noah and the Order.

_If such a God did exist, _Kanda thought as he ducked into the abandoned bar, _how did Allen Walker slip through the cracks of his watchful eye?_

_Maybe he didn't._ Kanda hopped over the bar and stomped on the loose floorboard near the cobweb-infused liquor. A yell came from beneath and he stepped clear of the rattling floor.

Maybe God has had it out for Allen Walker since the game began and severely underestimated the annoying tenacity of that idiot.

* * *

><p>"Allen!"<p>

After a few moments, his eyes readjusted and he found himself sitting on the polished floor of the Noah's house. Road had a smile that almost seemed to form an "S" shape, with too many emotions hidden behind it to make much sense.

Her arms wrapped around him and the fabric on the back of his shirt tightened from where she clutched it. "You're alive, you're alive and," she pulled away and looked at his frightened eyes, "you're you. I only found you because I sensed _him_, so I thought you might've been-"

"Sorry for worrying you, but I'm absolutely," he suddenly noticed the lack of scratches and wounds, "I'm fine? How is Sheryl, I mean, did he-"

"He's not dead, but we really don't have time to talk about this!" She let go of him and scanned the room, eyes stopping when they locked on to her boots.

Allen followed her lead and slipped out of his own shoes-you wore boots if you wanted to avoid drowning outdoors and sneakers wouldn't cut it. "What's going on?"

Road handed him a long, beige trench coat and grabbed her own that was strewn over one of the couches. "Tyki and Wisely-_t___h_ey're both missing._"

"Missing? Missing as in-"

"I think Wisely went after Tyki this morning, but Wisely isn't a fighter, Allen, you know that. So if Tyki really lost it, then, then-"

She stopped herself and Allen grabbed her hand. "Do you know where they went?"

There wasn't a response, and he practically yelled. "Road!"

"S-somewhere in the old part of town! That's all I know! When a Noah's heart wavers like this, it ruins the connections!"

He flew out the front door and Road followed, racing down the driveway and leaving behind a trail of disturbed puddles.

The rain started in a mist, and Allen couldn't help but wonder if God was trying to drown them all._ Drown them for what? Being sinners?_ Allen half wondered if He was throwing a hissy fit because no one would play the game correctly anymore, not the Noah or the Order.

Either that, or there was no God, only varying weather patterns that had no fate or motive.

And if that was true, were their fates even before the womb, or was it their actions that guided them?

Before they reached Tyki and Wisely, Allen knew, from the sick churning in his stomach, that someone had already decided this afternoon without him.

* * *

><p><strong>Hey hi, it's been a little while. Between college apps, technology issues, and insecure-writers block, I couldn't seem to get this all down on time (even later than being fashionably late). Thanks for being awesome and patient, you guys!<strong>


	30. A Date, a Funeral, and a Dinner Party

They were running through the white noise rain, running, running, running…. when was the last time he ran like this, boots splashing and anxiety rushing through his veins?

He remembered; the night when they explored that ship. Everything had been fine before that night, well, not fine, but it was before the whole world collapsed. Running, running, running through the blood puddled in the hull of that ship. Kanda nearly killed him that night, didn't he? They went from killing each other to kissing. That was irony in the most twisted sense.

But he had to wonder that if that night didn't happen, and he hadn't ended up at the hospital, how long would Neah have slept?

"Allen?" He realized he'd stopped in the middle of the alley.

"Do you hear that?" Roads voice trembled, and Allen tuned out his own thoughts.

The static of the rain. The low rumbling of thunder. The pitiful rooftops whining underneath the barrage of water. The quiet screams of-

Screaming?

"It's coming from the park!" Road grabbed his wrist and pulled him out of his daze.

They'd reached the downtown park; Allen used to be so fond of the place, with quiet pines, abandoned swing sets, and a tired pond hidden within the acre. The little fenced in mud puddle of his old house was near here, too. However, today the sky was red, and the trees seemed to drip with fresh black tar.

Horror spiked through his veins in an ice-cold foreboding.

"Wisely!"

A scream muddled through the air with much less agony than before and more or less imitating a drowning bird.

Allen then understood that horrible clawing in his heart-Wisely was here, but Allen didn't know if it was just his leftover body. Both of their silhouettes were outlined in charcoal and dipped in black ink.

His shoes squelched in the mud and Tyki turned to attention, even though there was still a hundred feet between them. The look on Tyki's face was one of both amusement and uncorked excitement.

"Is that Wisely?" Road shrieked again, with one slim finger outstretched and trembling.

He followed Road's hand with slow blinks, as if his brain was trying to take snapshots and adapt to each moment.

Wisely was hanging.

Wisely was hanging, a black silhouette on the red backdrop like a worn tire swing. And the more Allen looked at him, the more he felt like someone had just thrown the breaker out in his brain.

"Tyki?" Road half whispered, half questioned. The corners of her mouth were twitching and she was almost smiling, switching between gazing at Allen and the nightmare ahead.

"This is a joke, right?"

Allen realized Wisely was lynched beneath the tree by his own scarf.

"A joke, right?"

Road suddenly snapped. "Tyki! Answer me!"

"Road, Allen," Tyki's sensual voice blended with the shadows and rummaged through his insides, "how nice of you to come."

"What is this?" Allen stopped. Everything stopped.

"Do you know how to kill a Noah, Walker?"

The soft rain reminded him that this was happening.

Neah found his own voice. _Well Allen, you rip-_

"You rip their heart out. You see," Allen saw his silhouette near Wisely's grim figure, a black grinning puppet with holes for eyes, "the heart doesn't regenerate fast enough to save the body from falling apart. Especially when they can't get air. And while innocence is the only thing that can penetrate the body-"

_His hand,_ Neah seemed to be nudging Allen's lifeless mind, _look at Tyki's hand._

"It's not there," Allen replied out loud. "His arm stops right before he touches Wisely."

"I'm a bit of a cheater, don't you think?"

_Where do you think his hand is, then?_

Tyki laughed.

_Allen._

_Go, Allen!_

He took a few stumbling, dumb steps forward.

"Allen, what are you going to do?" Road said nervously, shakily, _scared_.

_Hurry up, for Christs' sake! Are you going to watch him die?_

"He's toying with you Allen!" Road cried out. "Wisely's de-"

Allen's feet were moving until he was sprinting, covering the easy acre of park and approaching the stage.

_I can still save him, I can still save him, I can still save him-_

Tyki's laughter was all he could process over the shattered glass in his head.

"Show me what you've got, Allen! Bring Neah out to play!"

He was only seeing the black and the red and the hanging, the pitiful swing of a broken doll; a sudden flash of brilliant white as his left arm erupted and his cape manifested.

"_Wisely's dead, Allen! You can't do anything!"_ Road shrieked from far behind. "_Don't let him fool you! He'll kill you!"_

Tyki hadn't retracted his hand from the depths of Wisely's chest, and as Allen appeared before him. He spoke with slime oozing from his mouth. "You make one wrong move, boy, and I'll crush it, rip it out, and-"

Neah's urge, impulse, drive flooded through his skin like a drug, and he let himself give in. He _wanted_ to.

Crowned Clown formed a split-second spire and sliced Tyki's wrist clean off, with the limb still left in Wisely's limp frame dissipating into smoke. In the same moment, Allen flicked his wrist and cut the scarf holding Wisely captive. It shredded and he fell with a dull thud.

Wisely didn't get up.

_Dead, dead, dead, look at him?_ Pale, bruised, bloody…

It felt as if Neah's words curled around his spine. _Kill the bastard._

_You can't save anyone._

_You will forever be the Order's monster._

"You think you can defeat me, boy?"

Tyki might've said something; there was a sea of tar and sludge taking over his every sense, drowning him. A stray black burst of energy scuffed Allen's cheek.

Allen looked at Tyki with eyes melting right out of his skin, his left eye deteriorating to the point where he could only see the black hole that was a Noah's soul.

_You're fooling yourself if you think you'll ever be able to save anyone._

Allen was sure his body was moving, fighting, destroying; he could hear Tyki hissing and grunting with each deadly blow. But he felt nothing, nothing but the dull roar of a black sea crashing against his crumbling senses.

_You are the black death, the antichrist, the devil's spawn; you are the clown, the big fool, the world's biggest joke._

"Allen!"

He continued to dance with his eyes closed to the symphony of spattering blood.

_You are Allen Walker, but who is that, exactly?_

"Al," a raspy, unsure, terrified voice, "Allen! Stop!"

His brain registered the voice. Wisely, Wisely Kamelot, sibling of Road and nephew of-

"You're killing him!" Road shrieked.

Allen's brain hit the brakes on Neah's runaway train and he opened his eyes. The massacre was a splatter paint of blood on the gnarled tree, the grass. Even his cape, as it lingered over Wisely protectively, was tie-dyed red. Road grasped Wisely tight, and she was begging and pleading with underwater words he could not hear.

He fell to his knees with blood and oncoming tears parting the Red Sea on his face. What was left of Tyki was nothing more than a ravaged corpse.

He slipped in the blood and gore on his scrambling to get to Tyki's side, only to find glassy golden eyes still staring up. There was a bloody smirk still lingering on his face, one that was meant for Allen alone.

"You are," his throat was slit and oozing, "the most interesting thing I've met, in all of my lives. What are you doing by my side now?"

"I-" Tyki shook his head in that all-knowing way and pulled up his sleeves, revealing the crosses on his arms already drawn. It happened before Allen realized it; the Noah was escaping from him and into Allen.

"You planned this?" Road said with horror from behind, holding up Wisely's marred arms.

"Everything was so boring, it has always been boring, I," he coughed and blood sprayed into the air, "there's nothing special about you, in particular. I don't want anything from you, I never did." Tyki brought a hand up to Allen's cheek, and Allen cupped it with a blacked, torn glove. "The only time the boredom ceased was around you, boy."

"Don't talk like you're about to-"

His eyes began to dull.

"We have to save him, Road!" He looked over his shoulder in desperation while cradling the body.

There was a blankness in her eyes blanketing her expression.

"Road!"

"He's dead," she said softly, with black tears running down her cheeks.

"We stll have time, we-"

_No,_ Neah was practically laughing_, there's no Noah left in him._

Wisely's voice held the same emptiness Road's eyes did. "We weren't family. Don't act surprised he didn't even look our way."

"Road," Wisely spoke softly through his hoarse throat, "we both knew he didn't care about us. We both knew all he wanted was relief from the horrible monotony and boredom."

"What?"

_Don't you get it? Tyki said goodbye to you. He didn't give a shit about Road, much less Wisely, or..._

A door sprung up from behind Road, and she lifted Wisely like a feather.

Her words shattered glass and cut the inside of her cheeks.

"For some reason, I thought Tyki might've loved us."

* * *

><p>Wisely would later tell Allen that Tyki planned to force him to take the Noah from Wisely's dying body and then fight him to the death. Wisely would also tell him that Tyki had not succumbed to his Noah.<p>

He was bored.

But for the moment, Allen was sobbing over the dead body in the bleached kitchen, soaking wet in both his own and Tyki's blood. His blood would pound and the statement "Tyki doesn't get to come back, ever again" would drum along.

_He's dead._

_And you killed him._

_But hey, no one's blaming you. If you hadn't, he would've killed you. Shit just happens, right?_

Road sat on the kitchen floor next to Allen, and would later tell him that it was a practical decision. She would tell him this through a white copy-paper expression; she would tell him this and then stare at nothing but the kitchen floor for hours.

But in this moment, Allen could only remember that Tyki hadn't ever really wanted something from him, not at the party, not at the odds and ends meetings. Tyki just wanted to feel something, anything.

_Was it because I radiate energy close to the Heart?_

_Or was it a close bond?_

_Did anyone actually mean something to him? Or was he just looking to get a fix, a shot of excitement that burned out soon after?_

Lulubell would later pull him from the body and sit him down in the living room with the recuperating Wisely, Devit, Jasdero, and Road.

Jasdero was the first to speak after twenty minutes of silence.

"What are we going to do with the body?"

"What the fuck do you think we're going to do?!" Devit yelled with smudged makeup and sticky tears. "We're going to fucking have a proper funeral! We're going to get a casket and stick him in the damn ground and say nice shit!"

No one said anything, but everyone looked at him with quiet solace.

"Aren't we tryna be humans? Mourning the dead and shit, because," he grew quieter and quieter, "because he ain't comin' back. It's the only thing we can do."

"Clean yourselves up, and I'll go purchase a casket," Lulubell said stoically, staring at Allen in particular. He would never be able to decipher if it was jealousy or anger that she revered him with.

* * *

><p>They wore all black and hid beneath blacker umbrellas. No one knew how to dig a grave, but they picked a spot in the rose garden and heaved through the mud until the casket would fit. Road threw up a cross on top of the rebuilt mound soon after.<p>

For a long, long, while, they stared at the ground, as if expecting Tyki to appear with his vibrant personality and cheesy one liners and-

"He found what he was looking for," Wisely finally said, propped up by Allen so that he could attend. "He went out the exact way he wanted to."

"Tyki won't be bored anymore, and he won't have to settle our fights. He can save us a seat, wherever he goes, you know. Heaven or Hell."

"He's free," Road's face trembled and the tears started to drip and pour, "he's free, and he doesn't have to baby sit us, or help me with my homework, or play with me."

"There was nothin' left for him to do here," Jasdero said while ignoring the drips, "Tyki just figured he'd start the next, y'know, part, he'd start it for us. He always took care of us-"

"He was a good man. And somewhere inside him, I'm positive, he cared about this family."

_No he didn't. He was a bored, self-serving bastard. You all know it._

It was a lie, and they all knew it, but Lulubell's words made the churned up dirt easier on the eyes. Allen said nothing; it wasn't his place to speak.

They spent too much time staring at the grave, maybe in some vain attempt to find peace, but if there was anything Tyki Mikk could've wished for, it would've been the exact opposite.

And when they came back inside from the black skies and drowned earth, Devit was the first to suggest that they put away the Noah by tomorrow night, and call the Earl home for supper.

* * *

><p>"Tomorrow night?"<p>

"Tomorrow night."

Kanda was pacing the science divisions floor, looking at the Order's floor plans and fighting the urge to bite his nails. Or maybe even rip his hair out.

_Tomorrow night, they say so nonchalantly_, Kanda thought bitterly. _We're going to do the last-ditch effort at rebellion tomorrow night. We're all going to die for the cause tomorrow night, right?_

Marie was going over plans with a fake earnestly, explaining the different squads and attack patterns and regrouping methods.

"I don't care what your paper says, I need," Kanda pulled out a crumpled list, well-worn with at least twenty different names, "these guys with me. Everyone else is going to flake, right?"

"What do you mean by flake?"

"I'm not that dense to realize what this is, this stupid group," Kanda muttered, "we're a perfect extortion excuse for the Order. The names not marked in red don't work for the Order, so I need them with me. We can work our way to the top, and with all the spies with scrambled schedules and orders, it'll buy us time."

He continued. "The important thing is protecting the innocence vault down here. We still have power, as long as we keep up the charade as an all-powerful resistance. When we move out we're going to need people down here. We're already limited as is-"

"Kanda," Marie put a hand on his shoulder, "you know how this is going to end, don't you?"

"I'm trusting lockdown of this area to you," Kanda said while eyeing a pressure sealed door in the back of the room.

"Kanda-"

"I know," Kanda turned on his heel and faced Marie, "I know I'm going to be the only one alive by the time my group reaches the top. I know that there's no escape route once I'm up there. All I need to do is take out Levierre, and Allen will,"

"Allen?"

"_Someone_ on the outside is going to take care of the Innocence and the Noah."

Marie looked at him as if he were speaking a new language.

"All we can do," Kanda ignored Marie's questionable glance, "is trust in him. My job is to gut the Order, your job is to rebuild. Lenalee and Lavi, and whoever the hell is left over will rebuild, too."

"And what if you don't? What if whoever is 'taking care of the innocence and Noah' can't complete that impossible task?"

"We'll we're shit out of luck then, aren't we?"

Marie looked even less convinced.

"He can do it," Kanda reconfirmed, "he's stronger than-"

Suddenly, two huffing members entered the room barely after the door repeated their door name.

"The park! There's blood, blood all over!"

"Is it one of ours?" Kanda asked.

"It's, I don't know!"

"Give me visuals on the park!" Marie yelled while holding his earpiece.

The giant monitor, a movie screen in Kanda's opinion, on the left wall, lit up in rich red hues and gorey blacks. It was the park, the park Kanda recognized. The night Allen found him sprawled out in the alley-this park was across the street.

"What's that?"

"It might be a," the man squinted, "a scarf? Some type of fabric?"

"We saw that white innocence fighting with it-or so our spotter says. Too much blood to tell-"

_Allen._ Kanda hit the ground running, ignoring Marie yelling after him.

* * *

><p>"Sorry about this, Allen."<p>

"You don't sound sorry in the slightest, Devit."

Jasdero gave a little laugh. "Let's run through the plan again, okay?"

Allen turned away from the mirror and faced the pair of pale faces. Everyone in the house was still clad in black dress clothes, and a suit for Allen borrowed from Devit (ever since the ordeal at Anita's bar, they'd figured out they were the same size) covered the crawling black ribbons on Allen's skin. The spread of innocence was everywhere now, and every time he took a shower or even glance in a mirror his heart seemed to deflate.

"Allen? Is Neah listening?"

"Unfortunately," Allen muttered.

Neah's was standing behind him, glancing in the mirror while stroking his cheek. "Just getting ready for my big show, Devit!"

Devit's face twisted up, and it became obvious Neah had revealed his ghost-semblance to everyone.

"Whatever. First we're gonna-"

"I get to play Allen at the dinner party!" Neah said with false enthusiasm.

"Yeah and while you're at it break a goddamn leg you-"

Allen cleared his throat. "We're calling the Earl home, and he's coming home because of the fact that we told him Neah is here. So Neah is going to take my body and then we can catch the Earl off guard, take the Noah, and restrain him before the whole thing is over."

"If you try anything funny, Neah, I'll personally-"

Neah threw a curious honey glance over his shoulder and responded, "You'll do what? You and Jas already gave up your Noah."

It had barely been an hour since they had, and Allen could already see the regret on their faces.

"Road, Lulubell, and Wisely will take you down," Allen replied. "Or I will."

"Big words," Neah said while clapping his hands on Allen's back. "But don't worry, I won't do anything. I'm going to be an angel, a sweet, sweet angel who will gut the Earl like-"

"You aren't killing him!"

"Oh, right. No gutting, just ass kicking."

He cringed under Allen's disapproving glare. "Gentle ass kicking. Got it."

The front door slammed open, and a silence fell over the bathroom.

"Honey, I'm home!" Neah whispered under his breath. No one laughed.

"Guess it's time."

Devit and Jasdero exited the bathroom and nodded at Allen.

Allen closed his eyes and felt himself begin to drift into a soft, velvet darkness.

_Allen, you can piece together the rest of the story while you wait. Wouldn't want you to get bored, 'cause boredom causes one to do crazy things, right?_

* * *

><p>Neah took two long steps out of the bathroom and adjusted the bow tie around his neck. There was still a corner to turn until he saw him, but <em>his<em> voice seemed to fill up the space entirely.

"It's so nice to see you, Earl!" Neah saw right through Road's tentative voice, but Adam was either oblivious or ignoring it due to his soft reply.

"Glad you haven't forgotten us, Adam," Lulubell said with soft sarcasm. Neah could tell she wasn't kidding in the slightest, but Adam laughed.

"Where's Tyki?"

The entire building seemed to settle into its foundation and the humming of the air conditioner stopped.

"He couldn't make it," Neah drawled as he stepped out from behind the corner and into the main room. "But I could, Adam."

Road glared with dark eyes from the group crowding the door, with the Earl still standing in the entrance. His coat was slung over his shoulder and his hat was acting like a gutter with rain dripping around and away from his head.

The man looked gaunt and brittle, almost swallowed by his suit and black circles threatening to eat his eyes.

_A broken man, unfit to be the Earl of anything_, Neah thought surly.

Curiously, he attempted to connect with Allen's innocence. There was almost a spark in his shoulder, but nothing more. He had a knife up his sleeve anyway.

"It's me," Neah said warmly, "I know I may look a little different, but I'm still the same Neah."

The Earl dropped his coat but continued to stare.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten me already?"

Neah felt as if he was in that cheesy movie with the airport scene and he fought the urge to roll his eyes when Adam embraced him.

"I've looked everywhere, Neah, everywhere!" Neah felt as if the suit the man was wearing was a bedsheet; there really was nothing left of Adam. His ribs dug into Neah's chest as he hugged him tighter.

Neah almost wanted to know why; no, he was almost dying of curiosity to figure out what the grand search had been for.

"Sorry about that, you see, I've been a little," Neah flicked his wrist and the dagger slipped into his palm, "a little lost myself, right? But now we're all together again, isn't that wonderful!"

_A knife in the back was the most fitting way to-_

"Neah!" Road yelled with fire in her eyes.

He narrowed his eyes at her, and Adam looked on with watery eyes.

"Come help me set the table," Wisely nearly spat.

Wisely's glare was enough to make him conceal the dagger and reply with a nonchalant, "Of course, dear Wisely."

"Sheryl's feeling a bit under the weather and won't be joining us, but you should go say hello," Lulubell said while gesturing at the Earl.

"Sure." The Earl left his hat and coat on the couch, and Wisely dragged Neah into the kitchen.

* * *

><p>The dining hall was a simple black and white design with a marbled, grand table that reminded him of a stretched silken bedsheet. The chairs nearly had claws where they touched the black tile, something you'd see on the bottom of one of those old-timey tubs. <em>Mana used to be scared of their tub for exactly that reason, and-<em>

"Don't fuck this up," Wisely hissed while shoving silverware at him. "I saw what you tried to do, bastard."

"Can you blame me?" Neah set the weighted silver at eight of the usual thirteen chairs and then watched Wisely fumble with napkins; the Earl was extremely particular about things looking nice and neat.

He sauntered over and put a hand on Wisely's own trembling one. The napkin slipped from Wisely's fingers and he looked up at Neah with red-rimmed eyes.

"Are you still hurt over Tyki?"

"Am I supposed to be okay with it?" Wisely yelled back, withdrawing his hand. "He tried to kill me! He did!"

"Then why do you look sad, rather than angry?"

Wisely didn't answer.

"Don't try to talk yourself into thinking he cared. He didn't, and that's all there is to it."

"You can't just grow up with someone, be family with someone, and not-" He stopped and looked at Neah.

"You can," Neah said with a charming smile. "Will your broken, weak, _human_ after-family be worth all of this?"

"I don't want to talk about this with you," Wisely muttered, and went back to setting the table.

"Ah, yes, you'd rather have a heart-to-heart with the murderer Allen, after all."

"Shut up."

* * *

><p>They both stepped into the kitchen, this time joined by Road. She was a good cook, and Neah was rather disappointed that all they really needed was the first course for the dinner to end.<p>

"Do you have it?" Road asked quietly.

She stood on a step-stool to stir a large stew-pot on the stove, which no one found funny except for Neah. From the aroma wafting through the kitchen, he could only assume it was one of those thick, creamy stews that warmed you up just from the smell. The spices left out on the counter-basil, oregano, and whatever other savory greens all mixed in with the scent of the luscious soup.

His mother used to make one almost identical to it.

"I always did miss your cooking," Neah said nonchalantly while noting the hot pans of sweets laying out, "except when you burned things."

"No!" She said instinctively when Neah reached out a hand to "soil" her cake, as she would put it. She smacked him with the hot soup spoon when he tried again.

"Ah! Fine, fine," Neah muttered while holding his wrist.

Wisely pulled a small vial from his pocket and left it on the counter, near the burner. Road eyed him, and then nudged for him to get the bowls.

While Wisely hopped up and down to pull out all the fine china, Neah whined, "You guys, can't we do something more dramatic! A little sleeping tonic in the soup, then we do the whole shebang, then he wakes up like nothing happened? This isn't something the Noah would do."

"This isn't something you would do," Road corrected.

"Aren't you angry? He abandoned you. He cares more about me than all of you, for Christs' sake! His mood swings are practically throwing us back into the days of the great flood! Why does he deserve to live?"

Wisely stopped. "Did you say that the shitty weather is the Earl's fault?"

"Who else? It hasn't rained all day, nor since he got here and saw me. If it's a coincidence, then what else do you chalk the doomsday weather up to? An angry God?"

"I think we should put the food out and call the Earl to come eat," Road said quietly, in the broken and quiet voice she'd adopted.

"Neah, you aren't allowed near the soup," She handed him a platter with a large chocolate cake on it, "so take out the sweets for me."

"But mom!"

He smiled at her eyeroll and glanced at the heavy cake. This wasn't a chocolate cake, it was _the_ chocolate cake.

"This is Tyki's cake, isn't it? You make it that special way, and he only eats a piece, but its the only sweet you've ever gotten him to like-"

"Stop mocking me," She said with a dangerous anger.

"I'm not mocking. Sorry sorry," He drawled.

_Why'd you bother making it if he was the only one who would ever eat it?_

He suddenly understood why Road had turned into a lifeless doll.

_You're the next Noah to pop, aren't you? _

With a terrifying excitement in the pit of his stomach, he remembered. She was impossible to beat in a fight.

"Dinner time!"

* * *

><p><strong>Apologies for the late update? Winter break is SO close and hopefully I can get the last bit of the story done soon! Thanks for reading!<strong>


	31. Insanity is Contagious (I Think)

He was drowning in a black sea, heaving in emptiness rather than water. There wasn't air here nor water: only a horrible longing for it. A horrible longing for anything at all besides the numbness in his lungs and cold touch of shadows.

An overwhelming drum of thunder shook his senses and rang in his ears, and the black in front of him split into a dark scene. He was back in the old house, back in the same memory he always found himself in.

Cross standing over his body with the soul, the front door slamming open and the Earl's menacing stature, almost unrecognizable to his figure in the present. They looked like staged characters on this set. His own doll-like self as a prop in the scene. His soul with its almost CGI-like fantasy lighting.

_Why did he keep coming back here? Why was this the only place Neah seemed to be able to store him away in?_

The Earl and Cross were spitting lines back at each other, but there was something strange this time-he could hear them. Had Neah forgotten the mute button?

"_What the hell are you doing here?"_

The Earl almost did a dance as he sauntered closer to Cross. "Someone is trying to steal a soul that belongs _to me_."

Cross drew his gun and the soul, a vibrant dance of crystalline colors, tinkered to the floor. It sounded like a tiny bell with each bounce until it rolled to a stop near Allen's hand. Allen knew it would disappear soon, as would this memory; it always collapsed soon after Cross-

The room shook with the boom of Cross's gun and a crack of lightning streaked the sky.

"It doesn't belong to you."

"Yes, it does," the Earl replied sweetly. "And I-"

"Cross."

Cross stopped. The Earl stopped.

_That's my body,_ Allen thought in disbelief_, I'm talking._

The sky lit up in electric fireworks once again, and golden eyes pierced the night.

"Why are you betraying me? And Mana?"

_Why hadn't the memory collapsed? _Allen's head swirled with each word Neah spoke through Allen's frame.

"I never made a promise to either of you," Cross muttered, and this time, he pointed his gun at Allen's body.

"Yes!" Neah hoarsely screamed. "You did! Liar!"

"Is that my dear Neah?" The Earl's voice quivered.

"Liar! You promised Mana you'd give me this body! Why are you trying to-"

_That night_, Allen realized, _Cross was trying to destroy Neah._

"How could you choose someone else over me! Your friend!"

"Why the person who lives in this body more deserving than me?"

_That night, Cross attempted to give me a chance to live without even knowing what a Noah was. If he gave me my soul back, and then dragged Neah back out, I could've lived without this future. _

Neah grabbed the soul on floor nearby and held it in his palm, Allen's palm, and glowered at it.

"Adam," Neah said softly, "promise me that you'll find me, this body, and save me."

"Neah-" Neah clenched his hand into a fist and the whole room exploded in a flash of white.

When Allen could see again, Neah was letting black soot fall through his fingers and it hit the floor with off-tune bell chimes, sour and burnt notes.

"I promise," The Earl said earnestly. "I promise, _promise, promise…_"

The memory was falling apart now, and Allen didn't realize he was crying until he could no longer see. Cross had a look on his face of pure destruction, of pain-Allen looked away.

It didn't matter the fights they got into, nor the way they parted. Cross had loved him, more than Mana ever had.

He was sure of it now; Cross had loved him.

* * *

><p>It was a quiet dinner, one that reminded him of awkward unfamiliar family get-togethers where conversation didn't progress much farther than quiet discussion of the weather.<p>

"Neah?"

"Hmmm?"

"You're," Wisely stared strangely at him, "you're crying."

"Am I?" He brought a hand up to his face and realized his eyes were wet. "I guess I'm just so happy we're all back together again."

Wisely's face soured and he poked at his food once more, eyeing Road, and then the Earl, and then the soup once more.

"I agree," the Earl said with a crooked, sad smile. His face suddenly drooped and his expression flatlined.

_Three… Two… One.._

With a loud plunk, Adam fell headfirst into his soup and Neah let out a little laugh.

"Let's get this over with," Lulubell muttered.

Neah gave a bored sigh and rolled his eyes-this was all far too anticlimactic. Nevertheless, he rolled up his sleeves and watched Lulubell expertly sit Adam up, clean off his face, and draw the crosses on his arms with a stray knife on the table.

"You think it'll feel any different because its the Earl?" Neah said excitedly.

"No. Any Noah can be the 'Earl'," Wisely muttered. "He doesn't even count as the Earl of anything in this state."

Neah raked his hands through his hair and let out a deep, deep sigh. _Boring, boring, boring…_

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Road was staring at the chocolate cake. She was digging her fork into the table absentmindedly, dragging it like a rake through the wood finish.

"You can eat some, you know. No one here is gonna stop you," Neah said, picking up the Earl's limp arm and waving it.

She shot Neah a dark look and dug her fork into the table.

"Leave her alone, Neah," Wisely muttered.

"Fine, fine," he huffed.

He rolled up his sleeves and watched the inky black smog escape from the Earl's exposed arms and into his own.

"Gross," he muttered while holding his arms as far away as possible.

"Shut up, Neah."

"Excuse me?" Neah said incredulously with mock hurt. "What's the matter, dear Road?"

"Just shut the fuck up," she repeated.

Wisely glanced at Road warily and then his eyes widened. "Road, don't!"

"Bastard!" She hurled the fork at Neah's head, and he barely tilted his head out of the way.

"Hey, that's not nice! Allen already has one bad eye!" Neah yelled, but couldn't hide his grin.

"Eat shit, you worthless-"

"Stop it, Road!" Wisely yelled and yanked the butter knife out of her hand.

This time she directed her glare at Wisely, who responded only with confusion. She spat in Neah's direction, and then stomped out of the dining room without another word.

"Must've been something bad in the food," Neah whispered with a hand half covering his mouth, "maybe we should leave her alone. Should I ask the chef to take the food back?"

"I'm ready to maim him with a fork, too," Devit muttered.

"Who's next to lose their Noah?" Neah said happily, ignoring Devit.

Lulubell silently took a seat next to Neah and outstretched her lithe arms. Neah tapped his foot while waiting for the boring process to be over. His eyes casually fell upon the unused butter knife on the table, and he cracked a crooked smirk.

* * *

><p>There is nothing more terrifying than fear itself, a wild beast of an emotion that rips apart the insides of its owner.<p>

He'd already seen the leftovers of a fight the park, and was now running only with a strange indecision. There was no destination that he could think of; where would Allen gone if he had been wounded?

_What if it wasn't Allen's blood?_

He stopped on the street corner suddenly, realizing something was off. It wasn't raining, nor were there storm clouds. For the first time in months, he could see the dark sky dotted with white pins. No moon.

He swallowed the fear that seemed to get clogged up in his throat and tried to get his thoughts back.

Allen had nowhere to go, nowhere to go except-

He started running again, sure that even if he wasn't there, the Noah would know. The fear was back, not for his own well being, but for the sheer mortality of Allen-it was all hitting him at once.

_Allen was going to die. Allen was going to die, Allen, Allen, Allen..._

_But what about what Neah said? Neah, Neah, Neah…_

The ringing of his phone shook him free of his thoughts. Caller ID: Allen 3. He rolled his eyes, remembering when Lavi had programmed in the heart and he had no damn idea how to fix it.

"Allen? Allen! Where are you?"

"Kanda," it almost sounded as if he were gasping for air, "The Noah-they're trying to kill me!"

"What the fuck happened?" Allen didn't respond, but he could hear other voices.

"_What the fuck happened? Lulubell what did you-"_

"_It wasn't me, Wisely! He did it!"_

"Allen?" Kanda's breathing was heavy and the fear was back, thinking for him.

"_Is he on the phone?-_" There was a cry of pain over the line, one that sent shivers down Kanda's spine.

"_Wisely, get that knife! I'll hold him down!"_

"Help me, please, Kanda!"

"_Will someone get that stupid phone before I-"_ The phone went to static, but it didn't matter. He was already here.

He sprinted down the long driveway and threw open the grand front doors. The living room was empty, but noise erupted from the back of the house between Wisely yelling with Lulubell.

Kanda rounded the corner and ran through the kitchen until he entered the dark expanse of a dining room, one that looked far too outdated compared to the kitchen.

His brain slowly put the picture together.

Two chairs strewn on the floor. Lulubell, pinning two squirming arms down on the carpet and hovering over the body yelling. Wisely, holding a bloody butter knife and leaning over the body.

His own sword at Wisely's throat; Wisely, whose face looked like he had swallowed a horse pill and it had only gone halfway down his throat, following the blade with his eyes.

"Kanda," Wisely stuttered, "what are you doing here?"

Suddenly the glare upon Wisely's face returned and he looked at Allen's body again. "You called this bastard, didn't you? I swear to God, I'll-"

"Drop the knife before I slice off your head."

"Wait, Kanda," the butter knife landed on the carpet and began to stain it. "This isn't what it looks like, really!"

Kanda watched Wisely stand up and take a few paces back, and then Lulubell felt the cold sting of metal near her collarbone.

"I'm not moving," she replied stoically, "he'll only do something worse if I let him up."

"It was Neah! He stabbed himself!" Wisely yelled. "Just ask him! And for fucks' sake, quit waving that sword around!"

Kanda placed the sword on the ground and crouched over Allen's body. Allen had a smile on his face, a peculiar one that could only be explained by the gold tint in his eyes.

And then Kanda realized he'd been played, tricked, duped.

"What the fuck are you trying to accomplish, Neah?" Kanda spat.

"I had to bring you here to hear your final answer, Kanda. Upstairs, the final Noah is about to lose her sanity. This is," Allen pushed Kanda away and sat up, "your last chance to save him."

"What's he talking about?" Wisely asked, with suspicion curdling his words.

"Well, Kanda?"

"What's your answer? Trust me, and save this fool's life? Or stand by and watch the end of Allen Walker?"

* * *

><p><strong>*laughs nervously* h-hey guys it sure has been a while, hasn't it? To be honest, I'm posting this mini-chapter just to let you all know I'm still working on the storyam not dead! The stress of second semester really prevented me from even wanting to write and I'm still trying to get my mojo back on this story to be honest. I definitely don't want to leave it unfinished after coming so far, and I definitely don't want to disappoint you guys either! I currently have a job now, but when I get time off I swear I'll get to crankin' out new chapters for you guys so this story can finally reach its end. Everyone who has been super supportive and left reviews/likes really makes me so happy and I hope that when this is all over you all not kill me aha...**

**Well, bye for now! Thank you so much for your support! Stay tuned for more updates :) **


	32. Authors Love to Break Your Heart

Nothing prepares you split second decisions. Indecision is a spinning, broken compass; it's the weight of the world suspended above your head. You're only left with the dry ice in the bottom of your stomach and the liquid flames climbing out of your throat as a guide.

"Kanda? Anybody home?"

Wisely reached out a hand. Kanda smacked him away.

"Neah can't be trusted. I don't care what empty promises he's-"

"You think I don't know that?" Kanda snapped back.

"Keep talking about me like I'm not here," Neah said.

"I can't be trusted, you've got me there. But who can you trust, really, Kanda, dear? These Noahs you hate so much?"

Kanda couldn't force any words out of his burning throat.

"They're just using this body to escape the devil's' curse on man: the _gift_ of the Noah. Who'd convince you to throw away their get out of jail free card? The Noah act all high and mighty, but they're just worn out souls possessing new skeletons."

"What's your solution then, asshole? How are you going to save Allen? By stop possessing him maybe?" Wisely retorted.

There was a rumble from upstairs, imitating a low tiger's growl. No one seemed to notice the way the wallpaper began to curl like chocolate ribbons, nor the way the floor shivered in fear.

"If I told you, you'd stop me," Neah said while forcing a smile.

Wisely glared. "You're full of shit, aren't you?"

"Aren't you?!"

"_Aren't you?" _Neah mimicked.

"Shut up!" Kanda finally yelled, and the house seemed to vibrate with energy.

"Just," he rubbed his temples and looked at Allen longingly, "Just shut the fuck up, both of you."

"Allen's going to die, Kanda. Die."

Memories of Alma flowed through his thoughts. Her beauty, love, her insanity.

"You don't think i haven't already put that together? You think I don't think about that all the fucking time?"

"Then do," Allen's body sat up from the carpet and leaned in, "something. Anything. Let me help you _help me._"

The windows suddenly screamed and burst into millions of crystalline, shattered spiderwebs. Dusky air swept in the holes and began to fill up the space like smoke. It wasn't ash and there was no acrid smell, but it held a mysterious foreboding air. The floor cracked like glass and yet all Kanda could see were lotus blossoms bursting through the cracks, flowering and dying and flowering once more.

"Road," Lulubell whispered in a breathy tone. "Where is she?"

Wisely grew pale and stood up in the ruined dining room. His legs seemed to wobble and he glanced at Kanda with a fear he didn't know a Noah could possess.

"It's over," he said quietly, looking at the mosaic of glass and billowing smoke. "We're all dead."

"There's still time to escape," Neah snarled. "Run away with your tail between your legs, you worthless excuse for a Noah."

But there wasn't.

The front door began to melt as if it were made of candlewax, and the walls peeled to reveal charred wood; the ceiling bowing and groaning. The house was falling apart.

"What's happening?" Kanda asked as he watched the home begin to warp.

"Road, she's losing it," Lulubell.

"More like lost it. The one Noah who cannot be killed," Neah replied.

Kanda's phone went off in a loud and vibrant burst of noise, causing them all to jump.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"_Kanda, where are you? The operation goes down in an hour! We need you here!"_

Marie's voice began to weave in and out of static until the phone cut out completely. Kanda threw the phone to the ground.

"That's not going to work now that we're here," Neah said, meeting Kanda eye to eye.

"Where's Allen?" Kanda spat. "Go to hell, Neah."

"Is that your answer? To leave Allen to his fate?"

"_Just like you did to Alma?"_

"You have no fucking right to speak about them!" Kanda spat, shoving Neah back.

"Struck a nerve, eh?"

Kanda lunged for Neah, but Wisely quickly stepped in between with fire in his eyes.

"Can't you both tell where we fucking are? Look around you; were stuck in one of Road's nightmares! And you want to argue about this shit?"

"Suddenly scared of your own mortality, Wisely?"

Wisely's face fell, full of rage and sorrow. "This is all your fault!"

"All I did was-" Wisely cut him off.

"All you did was ruin this family! You're the reason the Noah's memory is deteriorating-you and Mana ruined everything! You even destroyed Allen!"

Neah looked taken aback at his words. "You mean you care for the owner of this body? You, Wisely, sage of wisdom, care about an insignificant human? I didn't destroy this family-your weakness did. All of you grew old and weak, and I outgrew you. And-"

Kanda grabbed Neah's waist and dived out of the room just as the ceiling shuddered and collapsed in a cloud of smoke and molten wax. Deep coughs followed, and Kanda counted the shadows to see who made it out of the room.

"There's nothing but black," Lulubell coughed out as she looked out the new hole in the ceiling. "Is the world falling apart or are we somewhere else entirely?"

"We're in a nightmare, a warped manifestation of the Noah within Road. The real house is probably just fine. But where is our dreamer?" Neah replied, pushing Kanda away and brushing himself off.

"Give Allen back," Kanda snarled, "You've had your fun, fucking everything up."

Neah let out a loud laugh. "So you think he'll save you from this? You think he can defeat a Noah? Do you want him to use his innocence again, and see if he finally becomes the heart and loses his soul? Would taking that decision off your shoulders make you feel better about yourself?"

"What else am I supposed to do?" Kanda screamed back.

"Start by having a little faith in me," Neah said softly. "It's not like I want to die in this hellscape."

"You can't kill Road," Wisely said suddenly. "I won't let you."

"Then what do you propose we do, O wise one?" Neah replied.

There was another loud crash from across the house, followed by more shattering glass.

"Just," Wisely pursed his lips, "just let me talk to her. She'll come to her senses, I'm sure."

Neah didn't look convinced, nor did Kanda. Lulubell grimaced.

Wisely pleaded. "Please. I can't lose anymore family, not like this."

"Fine, go have your little tea party, get killed," Neah shrugged, "the stairs are over there. If they still lead anywhere."

Wisely made a face but still carefully made his way to the stairs through a field of broken glass and splinters.

"Seeing as our sage is an idiot, do you have any ideas, Lulubell?" Neah asked.

"Reasoning with her is the only option left. While this is all fake, our wounds are real, and hers are not. Unless we can find the key to the dream-"

Kanda interrupted. "What's that?"

"It means," she began walking to the black hole that was the front door, "something in this dream is not as it should be. Or someone, rather; if Road's body is upstairs it is only her physical body, not her conscious. She could've transformed into anything; a chair, a mirror, a person. One of you, for example, could actually be Road in disguise. And if we wound that person, the dream would collapse. But to truly destroy Road, you would have to find out her true identity."

"How do we know you aren't Road, then?" Neah said.

"Because I wouldn't have told you that, would I?"

"Road did this just to watch us squirm. Of course she would want us to know that," Neah replied.

"She wants to see us all fight and stab each other, right? This is stupid," Kanda muttered.

There was a great thundering down the stairs and they all braced for impact, but it was only Wisely running ahead of a rushing of water.

"She's not upstairs!" He huffed. "Which means-"

"One of us is her, I suppose," Neah finished.

"I say it's Neah," Lulubell replied.

"Me? That stings. What about Wisely, who suspiciously disappeared-" The house crackling and rumbling cut him off. The very ground beneath them seemed to give way, shifting its bones until half of the house was separating and sliding straight through the darkness. A silence returned, with only a few rooms still left intact in the dream.

Kanda looked out to where this room met the supposed next and only saw a billowing darkness, thick like smoke but much more filling. Dead lotus flowers swept by his feet, the water that rushed down the stairs waterfalled straight into the blackness, taking the blackened and bruised flowers with it.

"Looks like we don't have time for twenty-one questions, but you know Road just wants you all to kill me thinking it's her. That's probably the whole point of this; she is mad at me, right? Besides, this body is like an unstable nuclear reactor. Why rock the boat any more than you have to?"

"That's a lot of excuses for someone who isn't guilty," Wisely muttered.

"What about Kanda? He's been quiet," Neah said.

"He's always quiet," Wisely said, not taking his eyes off Neah.

Personally, Kanda wanted to ask if anyone else had seen the flowers now crowding his feet, blossoming and returning back to the muddy, soggy floor in black billows.

"How about we take a vote," Neah said.

"That's stupid, with only four of us," Kanda replied. "The one who is Road can influence the vote however they please."

"Well, _excuse me,_ for trying to come up with ideas instead of staring at the floor. Are you waiting for it to crack open and swallow you whole?"

The foundation of the house began to cry out as it separated again.

"What if the one who is Road," Kanda faltered as the ground trembled, "Doesn't realize it?"

"And what if we stab Neah just to be safe?" Wisely replied with his arms crossed.

"We don't have any time left to bicker over this," Lulubell shouted as the house gave a final, ominous shake.

The flooring of the room they were in, the final room left within the inky blackness of space, cracked and began to give way.

But all Kanda could see were the dead lotus blossoms wedged in the cracks of the hardwood, rising from the mud only to reveal blackened petals. A soft voice spoke in his ear.

"_It was like this when she died, too, wasn't it?"_

The rest happened in such a flash that Kanda barely grasped the hilt of his sword when it was too late.

"_A sinner like you is no savior."_

Wisely lunged, a small dagger from up his sleeve, for Neah. Neah's attempt to dodge left him slipping on the floor and tumbling down, down, down, into the black void of the nightmare. Wisely jumped off the side after him, tears stinging his eyes and crying out as his dagger followed.

And then they were both gone, swallowed whole into the belly of the darkness.

The last glimpse he had seen of Neah falling was not of Allen's body, but that of Alma's twisted visage. And that's when he felt indecision crumble before the weight of his decision.

"_Join your lover in hell."_

The final sliver of ground gave way, and Lulubell cried out as she began to fall, fall, fall into the blackness. Kanda closed his eyes and let the descent take him, keeping his hand steady on his sword.

A certain sadness came over him, not one of grief or loss, but of realization. He had survived only this long by clinging to the past, but in a dark world with no passage of time, he could finally feel his memories unhinge their jaws. The weight he carried, burdening everyone around him, was not meant to be carried for this long.

A longing for the future consumed him, a future where Alma finally rested. A future where Allen didn't belong to the Noahs', the Order; to anyone. A future where they could all finally live free.

And this wasn't just his own dream.

Road's true form was not a person or a soul; it was a dream itself. A dream of freedom.

"I finally understand, Road," he said softly.

He quickly unsheathed his sword and plunged it straight through his stomach.

* * *

><p>"Kanda!"<p>

"Kanda?"

"Hey, Bakanda! Up and at 'em!"

His eyes slowly opened and met Wisely's golden ones, shimmering with excitement.

"We did it! We made it back!"

The house was no longer in pieces, but whole and bright. Road sat next to him with a quiet smile and crying eyes, a wound in her abdomen that Kanda immediately recognized was missing from his own abdomen.

She also had crosses drawn on her arms and her skin was as pale as his own.

"Where's Allen," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes as he stood up.

"Good to see you too," Wisely replied snarkily.

"He ran off," Road spoke softly as if her words were light as a feather, "he said that he was out of time."

"Why was no one else in the house drawn into the nightmare, either, Road?" Devit and Jasdero said in unison as they passed through the living room.

"Because you two are so annoying she didn't even bother, that's why," Wisely mumbled.

"What was that?!"

"He ran off? Where?" Kanda said suddenly.

"Beats me. Although your phone has been ringing nonstop, and it seems like the Order is under attack downtown." Wisely replied with a laugh.

"Out of time," Kanda repeated, "What does that mean?"

Everyone shared glances but no one took it upon themselves to reply.

Kanda picked up his sword and headed for the door.

"Kanda," Road said with tears, "please tell Allen that he's always welcome back here."

"We will never forget him."

"No," Wisely stood up and followed Kanda out the door, "we'll be with him until the end."

"Do you plan on coming with me?" Kanda asked suspiciously as they headed down the driveway.

"Hey, I might not be a Noah anymore, but I do know how to fight. Besides," Wisely stopped for a moment.

"I want to be there for Allen. No matter what happens."

The scene they came across was nothing but chaos. The Order's skyscraper was in flames, with warring sides fighting even out on the street. An explosion went off high above their heads, with a billowing black cloud of smoke and fire rabble of noise of screams and howls of fighting shook the pavement.

"Kanda? Kanda!" Marie yelled from a distance, running to meet the pair.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Hell," Kanda replied. "What's the situation?"

"As it stands, I have no idea whose side we're even fighting for. All the traitors within the group haven't shown loyalty to the Order like expected; it's an all out war against the Crows. But even with our numbers, we don't have the skill or supplies to take them on. We're being wiped out without making it to the top floors-"

"Got it," Kanda said, unsheathing his sword.

"Wait, where are you going, Kanda?" Marie asked.

"To cut the head off the snake."

Wisely threw up a peace sign to Marie and followed Kanda through the carnage on the streets, dodging bullets and swords alike.

"Wait, Kanda! You should know that White caped innocence already came through here a few moments before you!"

Kanda stopped. "What?"

"He blew through our forces and headed straight into the building! He's fighting off both Order factions and our own-I dont even know what he hopes to accomplish all alone! Be careful!"

"Be careful, huh," Kanda repeated while smirking.

* * *

><p>They swiftly made it through the streets with minimal resistance, with all others caught up in their own battles. Kanda noted the dead bodies bleeding out on the pavement but said nothing.<p>

It would all be worth it, all these lives, if-

If Allen died.

Nead's get-out-of-jail card seemed like no longer an option; Kanda wasn't sure it existed in the first place. There were some things in this world that seemed too finite to change the course of. He supposed it was fate. But fate was bullshit.

A line of Crow officials stood steady in front of the stairs, easily fending off attacks from rebels with weak, innocence laced guns.

With his sword unsheathed, he charged at the four in front of the stairs and sparred off their own attacks. They were well trained, but their spells and martial arts were nothing to Mugen. The first one left an opening that Kanda took advantage of, spilling red ribbons of blood all over the marbled floor.

Wisely came in from behind with a high flying kick and knocked over one, laughing triumphantly as he stood over the body. Kanda quickly disarmed the Crow member beneath him before Wisely lost his ankles.

"Watch yourself, idiot!" Kanda hissed.

Wisely merely laughed and began fighting the next one, blocking fists and throwing in charged punches to the face and abdomen. The Crow member was blown back, and Wisely finished him by sweeping his feet and then smashing his face with a well placed sandal.

The final defense of the stairs began to stagger and back away from the pair, and Kanda noticed he already had a fatal wound not from Wisely or himself.

"Please," he begged, "let me live."

Kanda struck him down, crossing lines with a sword that had already made its mark.

Looking back, these members had already suffered wounds even before Kanda had appeared. But Allen had let them live.

"Very ruthless. I like it," Wisely murmured as he chased Kanda up the stairs.

They struck down every member in their path with no time to spare, heading up the stairs. The opposing staff grew sparse as they continued up, already with wounded and bloodied and bruised Crow lining the stairs.

"Allen seems to not be holding back, either."

They climbed so high Kanda felt as if he was on par with the moon; no, it was more like the moon was staring down on him, judging him, urging him. He suddenly remembered why this building was so familiar; it mirrored the one they traveled to in Allen's mind.

"You feel it too, don't you?" Wisely said as they continued up and up.

Kanda didn't answer.

"We have to be close now," Kanda said quietly.

All was quiet now, with no more guards or people this high up. They exited the stairwell where it left off at the highest floor.

Suddenly there was a burst of energy from a room near the end of the marbled hall, the tapestries hanging from the walls billowing and windows shattering.

Kanda ran towards the room and Wisely followed.

"He's in there, right?" Wisely said softly. "I wonder if it's Allen or if its-"

"It's Allen. He promised to see it to the end."

They opened the double doors, splintering and revealing a bloodied pair locked in battle.

Allen, with his innocence drawn, was wiping blood off his cheek. The others were a blonde haired man, raising spell tags, and a woman with long hair and a cloak.

And in the back of the room, sitting with his head held high behind a polished desk, was Levierre.

"Allen!" Wisely and Kanda yelled in unison.

Allen looked over at them with wide eyes, one golden and the other an innocent silver.

"Link! Tewaku! Now's your chance!" Levierre yelled.

The shock left him wide open, and he flew back into the wall.

"Kanda," Allen gasped out. "And Wisely. What are you doing here?"

He fended off two more blows with his cape and then stood to greet them.

"We can't let you have all the fun, can we?" Wisely yelled, jumping into the brawl to fed off an attack from Tewaku.

Allen readied his sword and met the steel of Link's blade, gritting his teeth.

Wisely stood no chance in his current state and barely dodged a series of attacks from Tewaku, and Kanda jumped in to protect him.

"Ha, I'm just not cut out for this anymore, am I?" Wisely said while a cut burst open on his cheek.

"You and I," Tewaku met Kanda's blade with dark eyes, "We're both byproducts of this so called Black Order, aren't we, second exorcist?"

"Ill be happy to take you to hell with me!" She yelled, throwing knives.

Before he could dodge them, Allen's cape whisked by and swallowed the blow.

"Bakanda, watch what you're-" Allen let out a yelp as Link's blade sliced past his abdomen.

"Why don't you just take care of yourself!" Kanda said with a grin.

A strange sense of peace came over him amidst the battle; just knowing Allen was truly Allen made him feel something close to happiness.

And that's when he noticed it; the innocence consuming Allen's body had creeped up to his face, its inky blackness showing the innocence's true colors. It was a plague, but watching Allen fight was breathtaking.

He threw Link back into the wall, sending tremors through the building and cracking the ceiling. Another lithe strike shook the room once again, silent as it sliced skin but sending shockwaves through the room. The ceiling caved in completely, and the windows behind Levierre burst.

Moonlight washed over Allen's body, illuminating the pale skin still left and the darkness overcoming his figure.

Link truly stood no match, but he made his way to his feet again and began to block Allen's relentless attack.

Meanwhile, Tewaku felt the burn of Mugen and screamed as it pierced her shoulder.

Levierre sat complacent at his desk, not saying a word.

Tewaku fell to the ground after another strike from Mugen, bloodied and grasping her shoulder in pain.

"Get on with it, then," she said, closing her eyes. "It's over."

"For you, it might as well be," he scoffed.

Kanda stepped over her and went deeper into the room, appearing next to Allen.

"Let's finish this."

Link was panting, covered in blood, and legs trembling. He held up a spell card, the only one left, while Allen and Kanda readied their blades. And in one fell strike of perfect symphony, the battle was over.

It soon became quiet, save for the dull roar from outside. The moon cast shadows on Levierre's face, who still sat at his desk despite it all.

"This is not the end, you foolish boys. Taking my head means nothing. The Order branches all over the world, and as long as we have innocence-"

Allen smiled with a bloodied and bruised face. "The power of Innocence is not meant for humans, not anymore. Maybe it never was."

"You know nothing," Levierre said with a laugh. "You have nothing!"

"Maybe that's true," Allen said quietly. "Maybe it's not true at all."

Kanda stepped in front of Allen and placed his sword at Levierre's neck. Before he took his head, Allen spoke.

"Would you like to live long enough to see the end of Innocence?"

Kanda looked over his shoulder with wide eyes, and watched as Allen pulled something from his chest. It was crystaline and heart shaped, but covered in a black, dripping ooze. It lit up the room like a caged star.

"Allen?" Kanda's hands started trembling.

Levierre started sputtering. "Is that- No, it can't be, you couldn't have-"

"It's over," Allen said while coughing, blood dripping from his lips.

"The age of innocence and demons," Allen wiped some of the black from the heart, the soft glow growing within his palm, "is finally over."

He walked over to the busted windows and turned to face Kanda, Wisely, and Levierre.

"I'm really happy," he said through soft tears, dripping down his cheeks, "that I could be myself at the end of it all. Kanda, promise me-"

"No," Kanda said while shaking his head slowly. "No! I'm not ready to lose you!"

"Wisely, take care of the Noah for me, would you?" Allen said softly.

"No!" Kanda yelled again, this time hoarse and broken.

"Sure thing," Wisely said, fighting back tears. "You got it."

Allen brought both his hands together and squeezed, cracking the heart into tiny crystal pieces. A shock of white light lit up the room, engulfing everything.

When the light faded, Allen stumbled back, still smiling. "I loved you, Kanda. Oh god, did I love you, but it's a little too late for that."

"Allen!"

He closed his eyes, and a peace came over his face. Clasping his hands together in a praying motion, he fell back, down through the stretch of open windows, with a laugh that sounded like the tinkering of small bells.

Kanda screamed, forgetting Levierre and everything else in this world, and ran towards the wall of broken windows. He barely caught a glimpse of Allen falling, falling, falling far away from this world.

A stream of lights burst across the city, bursting up from streets and homes and fading off into the night.

"All the demons here, across the world, are all passing on with the destruction of the Noah. And so is the innocence," Wisely murmured over his shoulder, looking out at the light show. "But both look the same in the end, don't they?"

"No," Kanda said quietly, clenching his fists to stop them from trembling. "No."

"Kanda," Wisely said quietly, "we need to go chase down Levierre."

He looked over his shoulder and realized the room was empty, but he didn't care. It didn't matter anymore.

Nothing did.

"I'm going to get his body," Kanda said slowly. "I'm going-"

"Get a hold of yourself!" Wisely yelled, fighting back tears of his own. "He's dead, Kanda! He's-"

He broke off into tears, letting them fall to the bloodied carpet.

"Allen's gone."

* * *

><p>Kanda wondered if this was what fate really was, a cold slap in the face of reality. Was it accepting that life is pain, it's suffering, it's all in the mistakes; some of those mistakes could never be fixed. He wondered if someone had planned out Allen's death, or if they were all just a bunch of misconceptions that led to this.<p>

Maybe they were never meant to be.

All they had left was the future, the future Allen created for them.

He stood in front of the burning skyscraper, watching chaos slowly stop as everyone watched the lights. The lights were demons and innocence all over the city, all over the world, disappearing into dust and nothingness. There was no promise of salvation for them, but Kanda still felt the energy as something warm, something no longer holding the promise of evil.

The lights reminded him of the light in Allen's eyes, moonlight and flames and love.

He made his way around to the back of building, where the damp streets were quiet and bloodstained. But there was no body, only the remnants of an impact and splattered red, and little crystal fragments of the last innocence.

Kanda pulled out his sword and watched it crack, crumble, and disappear in a flash of light. His innocence was gone; as was everyone's innocence.

But he no longer needed it. There was nothing left to protect.

"Is this what you wanted, Allen," Kanda said quietly.

"Did you choose this path," he spoke with tears in his eyes, "did you choose to end this way?"

He fell to his knees. _Did you choose to leave me all alone?_

"Kanda!" The voice belonged to Marie.

"Kanda, everyone's innocence-did you do this? What are those lights all across the city? What's going on?"

"It's the end. No, it's the beginning," Kanda replied quietly.

"It's the beginning of a better future."

* * *

><p><strong>Extras: Letters to a Dead Man<strong>

* * *

><p><em>Dear Allen,<em>

_It's Road. I think of you often. We've moved from that old house, or rather, we burned it to the ground. It didn't feel the same after you were gone, or rather, you seem to still haunt it. I hope you aren't haunting us. Ha-ha. No, I hope you made it to heaven or at least somewhere a little nicer. Things are going well for the Noah (we still call ourselves that, although its more of a ex-Noah title). Wisely cried a lot after you left, but I guess we all did. The Earl seems to have memory issues, and needs a lot of help doing just about anything. But I don't mind._

_You and Kanda understood my dream for the future better than anyone else, you know that?_

_I still think humans are filthy, disgusting creatures. Sorry, was that mean? But they aren't that bad, I guess. Compared to you, though, no one is good enough. Ha-ha._

_Sorry about how crinkled this paper is, I accidentally got it wet. Wisely's not the only one who cries all the time. _

_He always tells me to stop writing these letters to you._

_But I miss you._

_-Road Kamelot_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Allen,<em>

_It's Lenalee, with your weekly progress report. Reconstruction of the town is going pretty slow, especially with how little money there is left. But we are slowly rebuilding after the flooding and storms. People are slowly returning and even helping us with sheltering people who lost their homes. As you know, the remnants of the Order around here are mostly doing the rebuilding, but some of the rebels are helping too. Its amazing to see the humanity in people after disasters like this._

_I still don't know what happened to you. I guess its safe to assume you died, even though they never found your body. They labeled you as a casualty of the flooding, you know that? Kanda won't tell me what happened, and speaking of him, he's still missing too. I remember him telling me he was going to look for Levierre, but it's been months. I know he is really looking for you, isn't he?_

_I hope he returns home soon._

_I wish you would, too._

_-Lenalee Lee_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Allen,<em>

_I loved you more than anything, more than anyone. And no fate will keep us apart forever. _

_Even if I may never see you again in this life, this is not goodbye._

_-Kanda Yuu_

* * *

><p><strong>Wow. I can't believe this long project is finally over. I can't thank you guys enough for all the support you gave me; I couldn't have done it without you guys.<strong>

**I spent a lot of time debating the ending of this story. I'm still debating it, actually. To me, this finite ending is where I always wanted to go, but at the same time, who doesn't love a happy ending? If it is truly too much to bare, I could write a sweet epilogue if you guys ask *wink wink*.**

**As always, thank you so so much! Hopefully this won't be the end of my fanfiction career either, so keep an eye out for new stuff!**


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